Made a difference kept it real
Felt it experienced it
Now dealing with it
Live and learned part of the growth
Fought to stay the same
Time is up can't fight change
Aged out getting older
Ranked out not meant to be
Been there done that
Keep building and retaining
No comebacks taking in the moment
Maintaining building up more

In a quiet house
Startled by a sound
So loud you get chills
Overthinking its something more
Home alone not expecting anyone
Walk down an intense feeling hall way
Approaching stairs grab the rail
Looking down from edge
The squeaky steps one step at a time
Approaching the living room
Looking around trying to find
What made the sound that echoed
Through the empty house
Approached the kitchen with fear
Outside light window shines in
Nothing around goes back
Heads back upstairs to the room
The mind racing heart feels doom

Always reaching out to old friends
Denied and ignored over dumb mistakes
Made many in the past battled addiction
Drank to cover up pain and hurt
From a lost sibling and loved one
Use to party hard and hurt people on the process
Those self destructive ways are over
Apologized not forgiven but changed behavior
Took an oath to never drink again
Did it for others now doing it for oneself
The party scene is no longer fun
Stopped looking for love in all the wrong places
Use to be emotionally invested attached to others
They come and go like the season with out reason
Fought to be included still pushed out
Accepted rejection the old version has passed on
While the new continues to learn and grow
An older man can't play the young man's game
The mindset changes the body aches with time
Had many close friends who are now distant
New friends that appreciate the growth and effort
Never one to replace friends been easily replaced
From the kid who came over everyday
Hated being home with family issues
Being around good people felt right
Being an adult isn't easy lots of failure
Life lessons that have helped grow over time
Being hurt finally coped with it all without fear
Dealing with all the anger and frustration
Hurt others and didn't mean to disappoint
Not always like by others
Not trying to live up to others standards
Just trying to be who one set out to be
All these high standard and double standards
Respectful even when treated unfair
Value people over material possessions

Sorry to disappoint
Silence causing anger
Mouth caused trouble
Not saying much
Someone is always mad
Or someone is always offended
Things are well not in a rut
Glad to be working
Been without a job
Have a place that feels right
Over searching and finding nothing
Stayed away after being kept out
Not trying to be brought back in
Like people see good in others
Want the best stuck with the worse
Not interested in being attacked
Being told to get a life
Taken as go away
Been putting in work
Not leaving over one person

Looking in the mirror
At an older man
Wrinkles no longer a baby face
Wisdom highlights hair turning white
Told many stories from the past
Appreciated the memories
Lived in the moment
A loving heart experienced heartache
Friends come and go like seasons
Always starting over with something
Hard to be emotionally invested
Use to be clingy and attached
Protecting a heart from the deceitful
Wanting it but being teased
Learned to go with out

Being told get a life
Prefer simple over complicating things
Don't need much to be happy
Getting criticized but said nothing
Wondering where is this coming from
Being a hermit okay with solitude
Use to be a planner everyone flaked out
Learned to do things alone
Things that want to be done
Not taking on others frustrations
Haven't burden others not comparing problems
Needed to vent writing is the listening ear
Changed so much it's never enough
Happy with some decisions made
Others are mad but never around
I respect opinions not always agreeing
What others have to say
Thought it would help
Use to take it to the heart
Too many voices blocking out the feelings
Hiding in the mind to escape
Not showing any emotions
Sometimes hurting but rocking a smile
Emotional eating feeling sick after
Other times starving to clean out the system

How many confessions?
Why does the past matter?
Bad relationships with the wrong girl
Betrayed by friends seen them like family
Someone is always mad holding a grudge
Always happy for others doing well
So many knocking down the efforts
Still struggling but working through it
Don't need much to be happy
Working with what's given
Been rejected a hard pill to swallow
Denied the job but working harder
All these changes it's been tough
Shaken up but never enough
Can't change right away one day at a time
Made some progress once again
Someone will point out the mistake
Owned all the mistakes took the blame
Only time some speaks the name
Friends try to understand your way
Not tell you how to live been cut out before
Hating bringing up old pain
Things can be changed minds are made up
Learn be better prepared for the future

Not sure what to say or do
Feel cornered and attacked
Wide awake when sleep is needed
Wanting to yell and scream
People want to tell what you did wrong
Never tell you how to be better or improve
Moving at a slow pace but still moving
Not always the first pick but stood out
Stayed out of the drama getting backlash
Doing most of it alone thankful for supporter
Can't rely or depend on anymore
Making the most of it all walking with faith
Feels like the world is attacking hard
Staying strong giving it to God
Can't do this without faith and grace

How can something you love
Become a crutch when it brings joy
It's what you love to do
Been there through the tough time
Trust it more than people
Able to relax tell these feelings
Share emotions without criticism
The collection of notebooks has grown
Over the year with new thought ideas
Not drinking or being self destructive
Writing has been ways to cope
Escape addiction tempting urges occurred
Let it out with ink free from it all
Get it out of the system writing on the pad
Feels like no one cares or understands
Not sure anymore but not hurting others
Not trying to get hurt been betrayed many time before
Prefer to not be in that situation anymore

Processed it all
Been on the low
Minding this mouth
Focused on work
Not in anyone's business
Someone's always mad
Not my fault or problem
Loyal to a fault not taking the blame
Eventually cutting the cord
Never said a word respect your status

Things are the same
Not sure how to make them right
Thinking of what could be said
Things that have been uttered
Biting a the bottom lip
The words won't come out
Frazzled so much build up
Piling up hard and heavy
Trying to keep from being buried
Grasping for air panic attack
Train of thought lost
Cant find the words
Shaken up not taken down

Not always excited for others plans
Its wrong don't like being tempted by alcohol
Making plans others time is respected
Taken into consideration
Made the move made it happen
No ones talking clapping back
Always been weird embraced it
Not denying part of the uniqueness
Hard to deny yourself after a while
Changed for the wrong reasons

Cheap thrills adrenaline rush
No more refills can't get the fix
Changing with the times growth
From a rush to mutual feelings
Stayed away from the ache
Won't let it break the spirit
Changing crowds prefer to be solo
People change overtime
Some take years for the better
Stop talking about the past
Old behavior fades away
Reinvented to new never the same

Just working trying to get paid
Made many moves
Over arguing with others
Feeding never satisfied egos
Avoiding all that drama
Not dealing with problems
Always providing solutions
Open to change others shut down
Learned to let go focus on new
Asking what's needed to be better
Room to grow most of all improve

Find meaning and purpose
Many reasons to grow as a person
Use to be a mouth with a vengeance
Checked others with no regrets
Not that person anymore
Walked away from the argument
Chose silence over being worked up
Stayed away from the frustration
All the betrayal turned to burden
Felt weighed down by anger

Emotionally drained over the years
Took time to recharge
Clear the mind a new mindset
Cleanse the heart and soul
Lots of spiritual growth
A whole new life to begin
A new story to tell share the moment
Cut off the ex no chance of hope
Never hang with a friend's ex
Don't date inside the circle
Avoid friends family members
Loyal to all the wrong people
Older more selective prefer to roll solo
Never cheated but accused of it
Use to be social with most now holding back
Now it's hard to talk words get twisted
Straight forward no hidden agendas
Been used and abused mentally
Physically over all the trauma torment
Not speaking for others but own behalf
Others are not my representative

Analyze everything
Over thinking things
It doesn't feel right
The vibe very unsettling
Doesn't make sense
Actions don't match
What's being said
Silence leads to a loud mind
Speaking up makes it awkward
A friend tells the truth
Not one to lie prefer honesty
Following the train of thought

Never understood
Why failing couples
Stay together history is not enough
One always love more
Why stay if the person
Can't make you happy
Never leave others responsible for your happiness
Make yourself happy first
One mistake cut off
Most cheaters never change
Still given multiple opportunities
Failing relationships can't be saved
No point in a friendship that's one way
Bad mouthing the person
Then going back no sympathy or remorse

Trying to see it through
Went through so much
Never enough ever encounter
Focused on being better
Things got tough every season
So much change without reason
Though it happen already
Still in the works not the same
Slow progress without obsession

Broke promises
Leave the heart hollow
Trusting again is hard
Love from a distance
Protect the heart
Time to heal forget the past
Can't be around the hurt
Things never change
Better to stay away
Hurts to be made a fool of
The betrayal cuts deep
Scars left as beauty mark
Remember the good
Mostly shadowed by bad
Look away not seen the same anymore
Life lesson taken for personal growth
Damaged spirit still glowing strong

Thankful to be included
Don't like when others
Make plans didn't commit to it
Someone is always mad
Or someone is disappointed
Can't win not trying to be involved
Another tough crossroads
Fork in the road
Anxious to belong sent away
No heart feels wrong
Stopped caring made way
All of a sudden wanted
Quite infuriating over time

Hungered for life
Starved on the go
Learned to sit down
Enjoy the company around
Chasing false promises
Lots of hopes up expected too much
Came crashing down hard
Set up to fail took time to prepare
Spoke up said NO did all the work
No more YES man walked away
Held on for life only one left
Let go fell took a leap of faith
Lost so much over time
But don't need too much

Years of being told
It doesn't matter
Being doing it without praise
Loved the sport injuries occurred
An old body with a young spirit
Stopped talking just did it
Bumps and bruised wounds heal
Waking up sore mindset changed
Humble on the mats and walking in life
Questioning the move the fighting spirit
Can it be done after years of MIA
Find a new style work towards something
Looking back ready to move forward
Trying to see it before doing training
The body feeling the old aches

Quiet with others
A loud mind when triggered
Controlled reactions
The script gets flipped
Moved onto more
Not going back to that
Not moved by chaos
From being provoked
Silence over giving into nonsense
Getting all the backlash
Not needed or wanted
Falling for it anymore

Struggle has been real
Bouncing back from hurt
Dated to move on
Use to wait it out
Wasn't ready for it
Still did it anyway
Stewing and brewing
The mind wanders
Should've use the heart
The mind though it knew
Made mistakes on the way
It's okay to be wrong
Lots of confessions
Came forward in the heat
Cleaned up the wrong
Left bad impressions
Couldn't make it right
Lived with regret
Some never forget
Had to get away
Found strength to progress
Stop thinking about it
Obsessing over the past
Moments have passed
Letting go wasn't easy

Writing each line
Thoughts build up
Back of the mind
Each line filled
With a dying pen
Setting the mood
Searching within
Random memories
Come to mind

Walking in town
Use to be filled with life
Now its abandoned
Filled with homeless
Crime rate is up
From North side living
Now on the south side
Broken home childhood living
An adult dealing with abandon city

Always nervous
Stress in the shoulders
Walking around tense
Trying not to stress
A mindful mouth
Unease with family
Prefer to stay home
Trying to be involved
It can be overwhelming
Conversation is tough
Being ignored gets old
Silent then asked why so quiet
Once a word is uttered
Someone talks loud like
If what they are saying is more important

Woke up tired
Too much on the mind
Be this way
Act like that
This mind came to terms
The body reached it's limits
Things are not the same anymore
Why is it okay now
Told don't do this
That's bad for some reason
It gets you no where
All these made up rules
Why is one struggle more important

Another story untold growing old
Life take of pause no longer on hold
Opened up after being closed off
Talking about it feeling better
Wearing layers for the weather
Chaffing ******* on a run
Tore up and worn out
Every mile more fatigue
Sweating through
Pushing more to finish
Losing body heat cooling
The cold air feels colder
Was told if angered go for a run
The idea of running forever
Came to mind learned to manage

The vibe feels toxic
Stayed away from it
Wanted to show concern
Feared of getting snapped at
Trying to cheer up others
Like a mood ring
Tone is changing
The negativity spread
Needed to get away
Distance to breath
Not trying to become immune
Not the same or a like
Different for a reason
Change like the seasons

Took a beating
Got made fun of
Faded away
Not part of that life
Out of the scene
Seen red with anger
Flashbacks to a dark time
Can't go back to it
Not meant to be there
Focused on life going forward

The storm calms
Crashing waves settle
Dark clouds moving
Blown away by the wind
Sun shines brightly
New world in the light
Riding out tough times
Staying composed collected
Smell of refreshing wetness
Mixed with damp nature soil
Rain washes away pain
Cleansed by the high tide
Taken away by the low tide

Writing this poem
At home all alone
Time passing rapidly
Personal growth daily
Changed with age
Hard to remain the same
Feel the sounds Setting a mood
Writing tempo hits highs and lows
Music touches the heart
Tugging at the heart string
Easier to open up show emotions
Be able to vibe feeling from within
Finally processing after collecting
Encounters experiences from the week

Around the redwoods
A place that was home
Left thinking about going back
Had it all something is missing
Started over lost it all
What's missing what matters
Away from family missing home
Closer to home still not near family
Don't know how to act
What to say so divided driven apart
Words won't come out
Losing strength a weak voice
Not many choices
Decisions had to be made
Trying to be better for family
Came up short failed
Still trying to redeem a dream

Asked for help didnt get any
Never asked to advice
So many trying to say what's best
Get it together self destruction
Overcome addiction avoid temptation
Prefer silences over a crowded room
Another book for inspiration
Watch a comedy to laugh and smile
Sharing a smile with others
Telling witty jokes no one laughs
Laughing within the mind
Good times are hard to come by
Tough times get easier after a while

Hip hop in my ears
The bass the beat
Melts away fears
Truth in the lyrics
Keeping it real
Emotions are deep
Feelings that reap
Blocking out the world
Never fit in anywhere
Not clicking anymore
Self respect walked away
Away from neglect

She liked him but his height
He liked her saw no flaws
They had chemistry
Size doesn't matter
Differences made them unique
Great together with one another
Outside factors tarnished them
He didn't care what others thought
She worried and compared
What she had with others
She'd ruin things he still loved her
She was insecure full of doubt
He didn't know what he was doing
Listened observed open to grow
This failed relationship
They didn't want to give up on love
Should've grown together
Wedged apart not meant to be
Heart broken lost trust for on another
Maybe in another life time

Older and slower
Use to chase the thrill
Learned to observe
Listen to what's being said
Behaviors don't match
What's being said
Stayed out for a reason
Focused on things that matter
Always open to change
Didn't care to be a target
Silent with an opinion
Words get twisted miscommunication
That's on you no one to blame

He entered the office
Hoping he'd get this job
He wasn't scared to work
Always working on his dream
Loved to read and write on his down time
His social skills would help the interview
He wore a shirt and tie
This job would help pay for his dream
Thought it would happen right away
His work became a life time project
His English professor told him
Writing was a never ending project
Working helped him process
Be social interact with others
He didn't find comfort in others
He found joy in his room
Didn't care for the party scene
He was wild and got consumed by alcohol
Worked days found joy in writing
It made his day better it was his key to happiness
He didn't care for work politics
He focused on getting the job done
He worked as a full-timer
But hired on as a part-time

Don't know what's wrong
Don't know what's missing
How to make things right
Get back on track with things
A hole within something out of wack
Trying fill the whole be satisfied
Feel the joy get back those vibes
Fell out there's no going back
Didn't feel right the same anymore
So much change not sure how to handle it
Growth so rapid everything feels small
Short lived times racing can't get it back

Everything fades
Lost meaning
Seeking purpose
Logic and reasoning
So many problems
Focused on solutions
Change occuring
Be ready for the moment
Prepared to adjust
Able to adapt
Not quick to over react

Always trying to do what's right
Help those in need give them all
From a full tank to drained
So many things don't make sense
Rude comments then defensive
Expressive face not holding back
A mouth ready to argue with insanity
Trying to stay sane so much contradiction
Don't know when to speak up
Been ganged up on by many
Words twisted made out to be bad
Had an opinion spoke up got the third degree
Even if it means spreading oneself too thin