Wake in the morning heart racing hard to sleep
Some days better than others
You ask God and other times you are wondering
Gave your all to a job that let you go because of someone who provoked you and you sank to their level
Struggling to survive but still thankful to be alive
You think about the past the fear of the future and not knowing
Taste of stomach acid is the back of your throat
Vision blurs under frustration writing goals and dreams
They mean nothing without and results the only satisfaction and gratification.
Seen a girl and think how can she be mine if I have nothing to offer.
Thinking it might or might not happen adding to anxiety

Tell yourself be much more
Gain one thing lose another
Trying to stay in tact
Make it through to the end
Struggling within to be present
Doesn't feel right blocking it out
Always feels off some how
Having a hard time adjusting
Being able to relate adapt
Thankful for the job about the hustle
Glad to be working full effort
Feels dull bored lost its flavor
Missing old friends we don't talk
Can't seem to find mutual ground
Always calling reaching out
No returned calls or text messages

Always a student of the game
Open to learn something new
Open to grow be much more
Write for years feeling complete
Another never ending process
Part of the daily routine
Amazed by old material
Never one to let it inflate an ego
Could feel the tension frustration
While reading trying to remember
What inspired this or cause the reaction
What was going on during that time period

Over the double standards
Others do it turn a blind eye
Doing your own thing seen a selfish
The worse of them all with any say
Not so bad in comparison seen as evil
Told the truth in a room full of lies
Taking on the crowd doesn't make sense
Everyone just getting loud for no reason
Open season on the offended getting defensive
Over all the phases pushed into a crowd
Want to talk not saying much
Thinking loud only if the words would come out
So many talking like they know what's best
Hard to breathe in this toxic room
Want out looking for an exit it
Brain feels like it might explode so much I sanity

Not always brave
Hiding in emotions
Not able to make sense
All these feelings occur
Some days full of strength
Ready to take on the day
Others full of dreadful thoughts
Hard to walk out the door
Struggling to get out of bed
Growth in the darkness composing
Shined in the light striving for more

She admired him
He wasn't use to it
So many wild ways
He loves her
But did not say
She liked him
But didn't love him
One all in willing to try
The other on the way out
Shedding tears fear of loss
Learning to love
Start over again

Doing all the grunt work
This ***** does the bare minimum
Talking but not doing ****
Still working harder than you
Even if I quit been great else where
I've done it elsewhere in this district
Forget your disrespectful talk
Don't call me a snitch you two faced
Working to get paid invest in writing
Not playing runner should be nect
Come to work work extra hard
Be my own boss never settle for less
Being obsessed with getting hired
Thankful for the advice growing
Don't need a lecture that's your plan
Not mine all playing out in this mind
Spoke up no one listened or cared
Not interested in sharing anymore
All of a sudden into my opinion
Years of change through the struggle
Rise above it all chaos be better

Haven't dated for a while
To be honest not looking
With time so much has changed
Before things had value
Now a days Everything is dismissed
Not big on texting or social media
Back when people showed interest
Getting to know one another
Building trust showed respect
Not quick to rush but enough
Which made it worth pursuing
You dressed up asked her to dinner
Communicated with your mouth
Learned about the other person
Shared who you are enjoyed the moment
Take pride in yourself value the other person

Thought things changed
Still the same not hiding
Or covering up old pain
Felt it was taken away
Replaced with worse
Made the most of things
Break this curse
Wake up from this nightmare
Just there never belong
Hard working someones mad
Trying to blame for being lazy
Took pride and work hustling
Someday just want to stay in bed
Others ditch work and never return
Always loyal and true a lost quality
Mind says ***** it not happy why do it
This heart says honor it get it done
Finish strong all the way through

Always on the go
No time to reflect
Process feelings
Reflect on emotions
So many encounters blocked out
Most experiences taken in for growth
Sometimes rude remarks don't matter
Other times people look out
Not easily influenced blocked it out
Not interested in being manipulated
Tired of being taken for granted
Just trying to be myself
That's all that's known
A late bloomer making up for lost time
Working twice as hard to get by

Tired of seeing others bad behavior
Treating one another ugly
Trying to justify the wrong doing
Be ready for the consequences
Some people talk and dk the story
Be informed before speaking
Not always going to happen right away
While others struggle to maintain

Tough love with mother
Now it's coming from a bitter sister
As the older sibling can only do so much
It's their life nothing is given
Everything is worked for
Need to own up instead of blaming
Rather be living life than gaming
Social in life great conversations
Don't care for the negativity on social media
Don't care for likes or care to be judged
Not always liked in real life
In a world full of judgement
Writing to feel Been keeping it real
Over all the click bait bad journalism
A picture with the title in bold now it's an article

Can't be mad things happen
Not one to blame others
Always trying to make it work
Said nothing still tension
Spoke up judging eyes
Silently watching
Always try to be fair
Treating others right
Wish it was easy to not care
Heartache and heart pain
Back to the drawing board
To make a new plan

Always getting blamed
Stayed away from it all
Eventually forgotten fade away
Miss them but feel tossed away
Going back hurts feel the shame
Things have been weird lately
Never the same overwhelmed
Thought about things need change
Always fighting for things to stay
Pushed away too many outside factors

Writing comedy for laughs
Everyone is easily offended
Smiled big not wiping away
Heart meant well with good deeds
Didn't turn out accordingly
Made out to be bad in the story
No evil intentions or hidden agendas
Showing emotions is hard to behave
Feeling so much not sure how to act

Someone is always disappointed
They don't talk about
How they use
***** others over
Once they don't get their way
Given multiple chance
Some make one mistake
Then cut off forever
Jealous faces blaming others
Good people made out to be bad
The stories sick and twisted
Took the high road
Bullies still doing the same scam
Cheating to win lying to feel secure

Writing and grinding it out
Can't believe the words spoken
Lies are spreading
Like if it was true
False titles for click bait
So much spreading hate
Another debate more problems
More questions no answers
Need more solutions
Own up stop blaming
Quit playing victim
Consequences to actions
Other than pointing out the obvious

Ribbing with siblings
It's all fun and games
Till someone makes it personal
Work to improve the situation
So much hate not losing faith
Opinions will not dictate fate
Striking back against the odds
Made offensive twisted words
Talked big a big game got played
Feelings got hurt quit playing victim

So much to be said
Not sure how to say it
Words bouncing around
In the back of the mind
Mouth can cause trouble
Learned to be silent
Pick and choose battles
Something worth fighting for
Pushed through the traumas
Never gave into the hurt
The pain was all too real
After a while became immune
Felt so numb for some years
From mind down to the heart
Didn't know how to react
Eyes wide open staring
Into the distance blank thoughts
Not sure where to go

People want you to open up
They can't comprehend your feelings
Then make you feel weird
For feeling the way you do
Already weird embraced it
Use change to fit in kept out
Now keep out for being me
Feels better more right now a days
Either the youngest get it together
When around a younger crowd
Saying get it together can't figure it out
Would rather be alone not comparing
Living up to some unrealistic standards
Happy with life not materialistic
Money doesn't mean rich
Loves to work hard takes pride
More than wanting a job or a title
Treat people right love and respect
Even if they aren't fair to you
Good vibes don't care for attitudes
Keeping it real give off positive vibes

Trying to be the good guy
Stuck playing the antagonist
Never meant to hurt anyone
Didn't mean to use anyone
Tried to be genuine honest and noble
With no hidden agenda
Always valued people
Never about materialism
Another mouth running
Once its shut a new victim
Didn't lust over anyone
Always showed true love
Wanted something more
Not just a one night stand
Promised your momma
I'd keep an eye out
Hard to honor your word
All the danger back at it
Another stranger just keep lusting

Where is the romance did it really die
A time when you got to know another person
Ask them out go on dates share a moment
Relationships are more than holding hands
A display of public affection not just private
Talking to one another being verbal
Calling to check up check in with respect
Remind the person you care show love
Not just a one night stand with meaningless ***
Or use a person for personal gain selfish
Connected to another being no hidden agendas
Being disconnected from others is lonely
Isolation fear of not finding anyone
Thought about going on a date
Plan a romantic evening share this heart
Stimulate the mind with conversation
Let the heart and grow in love
Trust someone else with your heart

Not that person anymore
Dk who you are anymore
Not living in the past
Focused on the future
New memories in mind
Lots of missed opportunity
Rushed for a term rush
Started thinking long term
Made a plan set some goals
Can't wing it anymore
Never given a chance
Took a risk made a moment
Writing more to keep the peace
This mouth can cause trouble
Things always end up worse
Better to give up it on its ruined
Never gets better left tarnished

Use to hide feelings feared being judged
Denied emotions feeling drained
The heart grows new life new roles
Spoke up got shut out never backed down
Stood tall doing better hated being on call
Fought to be part of that life now it's over
Part of that world for one chapter onto the next
Sadness over not being forgiven altered behavior
The best way to apologize move on from struggle
Going to progress not settle became obsessed
Still at it again not need to pretend just live it up

Putting out good vibes
Taking on bad a side battle
Wearing a smile genuinely
Don't like to complicate things
Keeping it simple
Shouldn't too wild
Have up the old ways for better
Staying sober is hard craving a drink
Avoiding temptation not be consumed
Friends with bad habit
Not about that life anymore
Thought about dating the right girl
Been with the wrong trying to do right
Walking alone growing old
Staying positive some acting cold
A heart on this sleeve
Ready to love again

Always judged before hand
Someone hears a rumor
Bad talk from someone else
Sad that it sticks most of these lies
Very open to people and accepting
But once they start talking smack
Thats where the line is drawn
Not one to get mad or even
Prefer to be alone and not bother
Got better things to be doing
Than clear up nonsense with the clueless
Post photos with nieces and nephews
All of a sudden seen a a father
Post things that bring a smile
Spoke up seen as ignorant or ghetto
Treated different for having an opinion
These are everyday obstacles
Struggles that occurred regularly
Seen as gay of having manners and expression
Took pride in this appearance seen as feminine
Long eyelashes soft features called pretty
Judged for everything even breathing
Being myself is easy that's all that's known
Being what others say is unsettling
Or make you out to be some your not is hard

Connecting with another being
Making the most of the situation
Being able to connect relate
Instead of comparing ones self
Competing for approval to be accepted
Not always the same open to change
Just because they stop with the love
Doesn't mean stop loving yourself
Heart on a sleeve shouldn't be a target
A broken smile leads to healing
Don't give up since someone else quit

Ever close your eyes
And pray
Sometimes you see and feel it
Other times asking what happened
What are you doing
Doesn't make sense now
But will later
Work out fall into place

Haven't had a good friend for a while
Usually separated due to circumstances
A conflict of interest causing a division
Usually a one sided friendship
Gave advice to be ignored
Like an opinion had no rights
Would listen to the same sad story
This cycle of neglect got old
Would vent came to terms and solutions
Told the truth not feeding friends lies
While others wanted to hear false hope was true

She smiled at him
He admired her beauty
His height kept him discouraged
She was taller by a foot maybe two
Her ***** brown her colored eyes
He's charming personality
Seen her from far wearing blue
And she noticed him too
Hard to share a smile wearing a mask
At work keeping not professional
Did he or would he have the courage
To ask her out or find a way to get to know her

Use to be close friends
Talked about everything
Now intense awkward silence
Friendship was divided
Not sure how to make it right
Gave up bad habits to make it right
Focused on then but different now
Having a hard time forgiving
Forgiving ones self things not going back
Back to normal never the same again
Strain on the pain such a drain on the body

All these feelings
All these emotions
Change over time
A loving heart on reserve
Kissing lips from the one
Tired eyes caring too much
A hopeless romantic dreaming
The romantic so much to offer
Can't find love feeling hopeless
Never about money or material goods
Make time for one another
Be present spending quality time

Not one to judge others
Don't care for critics
Not one to critique others
Been doing the work
Takes time lots of practice
Had papers covered in red ink
Seemed like a ****** scene
Where a writer's heart is ripped out
An idea stripped down gutted
The stock losing originality
Other factors become important

Riding fast on the road
Cold wind blowing in the face
Sweaty face feels extra cold
Wearing layers dressed warm
Arriving to all the fun
Lost in getting it done
Make the most of things
Thankful for everything
Then ride away return home
Thoughts following positive vibes
Count the blessings
Learn the lesson
Today was a good day