Can't be mad things happen
Not one to blame others
Always trying to make it work
Said nothing still tension
Spoke up judging eyes
Silently watching
Always try to be fair
Treating others right
Wish it was easy to not care
Heartache and heart pain
Back to the drawing board
To make a new plan

Always treated differently
Held to a different standard
Single life responsible for own happiness
Working being to contribute a share
Had dreams seen a crazy for believing
Spoke truth made out to be weird
Trying to live a normal life being positive
Growing up around negativity
Trying to be functional around dysfunctional
Life was tough sometimes hard
Doesn't mean let it **** or remain the same

Been doing it for a while
Dk anything else
Care more than most
Give it all earn that sleep
Thoughts and emotions run deep
Keep moving on these tired feet
Smiled and pushing through
Helped out till time runs out
Working for the long term
Stuck with the short term
Not surprised burned again
Stayed calm and worked harder
Eager more determined than before

Always a student of the game
Open to learn something new
Open to grow be much more
Write for years feeling complete
Another never ending process
Part of the daily routine
Amazed by old material
Never one to let it inflate an ego
Could feel the tension frustration
While reading trying to remember
What inspired this or cause the reaction
What was going on during that time period

It was a hot summer day
He wanted ice cream
Sounded like a plan
That was put into motion
He walked to the gas station
Grabbed a pint of cherry Garcia
He rushed back to his house
Hurrying so it wouldn't melt
Ready to savor the moment
He got a spoon and scooped
The taste of vanilla ice cream
Mixed with cherries chunks
His day was complete and set
Beating the heat with a treat
Each bite was a taste of delight
Easy mouth full got better
Melting on his tongue juicy
The flavor never ending felt right
Keeping him cool from the heat

Already been there
Already done that
Stepped it up to get it done
Always pointing out flaws
Expecting more with no respect
Give it all full effort it's never enough
Feels like time is running out
Use to say there's plenty of time
My mind my love is blind
Trusting partner hard to find
Always praying for things to change
Staying positive things will get better
Everywhere with thoughts so much clutter

Took some time to figure it out
Being put in an awkward situation
Felt out of place didn't want to be there
Didn't do anything wrong but felt watched
Parking in a neighborhood because of work
Seen as a trespassing so much tension
Just there for the day but out of place
Left and watched prefer to stay away
Not go there or be around dk anyone
Or don't want to know anyone
The day felt long shaky inside
Like something might go wrong
On edge no pretending anymore
Life got real and intense to handle

Had a conversation with a friend
Talked about things that bug
That made me angry and upset
All those friends
Who talked behind my back
Told them straight up out of respect
All the lazy people
Doing nothing collecting a check
Who said my hard work
Makes them look bad
When I got sober it was a problem
Others got sober expect to be praised
Saying it couldn't be done
After doing it multiple times
Always hustling to get it done
While others **** up brown nose
Know what its like to be broke
Thankful to be working
Excluded looking in
On the inside wanting out
Can't deny myself to be accepted
To be liked by judgemental people
Being myself seen as hood
Even if it means
Beginning called ghetto
All those who laughed for crying
Being sensitive tired of bullies
Giving others the best
While bringing out the worse

Tried to make up for missing
Work felt tripled trying to help
Feels like time is running out
An older man wants to be young
Try to have fun life so dull and boring
New activities and new hobbies
Friends are getting married
Having kids family first
Working nights being responsible
On different schedules letting go
It was hard emotions fade
Feelings going numb feeling dim within
Wanting to scream things wont change
Life goes on starting to age turn the page

She admired him
He wasn't use to it
So many wild ways
He loves her
But did not say
She liked him
But didn't love him
One all in willing to try
The other on the way out
Shedding tears fear of loss
Learning to love
Start over again

Making most of things
Not fond of the location
Use to click and vibe with people
Feeling alone and isolated
Trying to do the job right
Don't care to argue or fight
A sleepless night ends quick
Another restless day never ending
Neck is stiff working through pain
Lost in building creative projects

Trying to be honest
Lieing eats up the insides bleeds out
So many offend for being called out
Always told straight up
Treated differently for having an opinion
Criticized for having a goal
Seen as crazy for pursuing a dream
Could be better still not settling
Squatted after being told off
Being disrespected stopped listening
Attacked by bad attitudes
Getting the backlash
Frustration caused by someone else
Knows about sacrifice to get through
This journey to be an individual
Called a rebel for taking a stand
No one believe in your work
Only expecting results as proof
Like your efforts don't matter
Use to being denied not accepting it
Being rejected means meant for better
Laughed at by family who never tried
Mocked by devious people
Who don't understand
Nor do they care
Since it's not about them

Trying to empower others
Motivate to grow
Be much more than before
Never settle for less
Be the best you possible
Making it happen with drive
Don't wait for the moment to pass
Ready for this or ready for that
Over prepared came too easy
In the moment making it up on the go
Heart and soul make or break it down

Where is the romance did it really die
A time when you got to know another person
Ask them out go on dates share a moment
Relationships are more than holding hands
A display of public affection not just private
Talking to one another being verbal
Calling to check up check in with respect
Remind the person you care show love
Not just a one night stand with meaningless ***
Or use a person for personal gain selfish
Connected to another being no hidden agendas
Being disconnected from others is lonely
Isolation fear of not finding anyone
Thought about going on a date
Plan a romantic evening share this heart
Stimulate the mind with conversation
Let the heart and grow in love
Trust someone else with your heart

Years of scribbling it down
Mind keeps looping around
See it appears to be real
Feel it the body reacts to it
Lived it once repeating in the mind
Made memories magical moments
Dealing unprocessed feelings
Emotions are deep unexpressed
Seeping out of the pores
Twitching ****** expression
Releasing all this pent up frustration
Negativity into positivity motivation
Everywhere feeling things come together

Not that person anymore
Dk who you are anymore
Not living in the past
Focused on the future
New memories in mind
Lots of missed opportunity
Rushed for a term rush
Started thinking long term
Made a plan set some goals
Can't wing it anymore
Never given a chance
Took a risk made a moment
Writing more to keep the peace
This mouth can cause trouble
Things always end up worse
Better to give up it on its ruined
Never gets better left tarnished

Connecting with another being
Making the most of the situation
Being able to connect relate
Instead of comparing ones self
Competing for approval to be accepted
Not always the same open to change
Just because they stop with the love
Doesn't mean stop loving yourself
Heart on a sleeve shouldn't be a target
A broken smile leads to healing
Don't give up since someone else quit

Talking it out
Defuse the frustration within
Silent after a few moments
The mind racing need to decompress
Pent up emotions bubbling up
That need to be expressed
Spoke kindly got ignored
Spoke directly with a tone
Suddenly the vibe became livid
So much taken in lack of respect
Now returning the vibe so intense
No need to run or hide
Once the foot hits the ground

Always getting blamed
Stayed away from it all
Eventually forgotten fade away
Miss them but feel tossed away
Going back hurts feel the shame
Things have been weird lately
Never the same overwhelmed
Thought about things need change
Always fighting for things to stay
Pushed away too many outside factors

Tell yourself be much more
Gain one thing lose another
Trying to stay in tact
Make it through to the end
Struggling within to be present
Doesn't feel right blocking it out
Always feels off some how
Having a hard time adjusting
Being able to relate adapt
Thankful for the job about the hustle
Glad to be working full effort
Feels dull bored lost its flavor
Missing old friends we don't talk
Can't seem to find mutual ground
Always calling reaching out
No returned calls or text messages

Putting out good vibes
Taking on bad a side battle
Wearing a smile genuinely
Don't like to complicate things
Keeping it simple
Shouldn't too wild
Have up the old ways for better
Staying sober is hard craving a drink
Avoiding temptation not be consumed
Friends with bad habit
Not about that life anymore
Thought about dating the right girl
Been with the wrong trying to do right
Walking alone growing old
Staying positive some acting cold
A heart on this sleeve
Ready to love again

She smiled at him
He admired her beauty
His height kept him discouraged
She was taller by a foot maybe two
Her ***** brown her colored eyes
He's charming personality
Seen her from far wearing blue
And she noticed him too
Hard to share a smile wearing a mask
At work keeping not professional
Did he or would he have the courage
To ask her out or find a way to get to know her

Always judged before hand
Someone hears a rumor
Bad talk from someone else
Sad that it sticks most of these lies
Very open to people and accepting
But once they start talking smack
Thats where the line is drawn
Not one to get mad or even
Prefer to be alone and not bother
Got better things to be doing
Than clear up nonsense with the clueless
Post photos with nieces and nephews
All of a sudden seen a a father
Post things that bring a smile
Spoke up seen as ignorant or ghetto
Treated different for having an opinion
These are everyday obstacles
Struggles that occurred regularly
Seen as gay of having manners and expression
Took pride in this appearance seen as feminine
Long eyelashes soft features called pretty
Judged for everything even breathing
Being myself is easy that's all that's known
Being what others say is unsettling
Or make you out to be some your not is hard

Wake in the morning heart racing hard to sleep
Some days better than others
You ask God and other times you are wondering
Gave your all to a job that let you go because of someone who provoked you and you sank to their level
Struggling to survive but still thankful to be alive
You think about the past the fear of the future and not knowing
Taste of stomach acid is the back of your throat
Vision blurs under frustration writing goals and dreams
They mean nothing without and results the only satisfaction and gratification.
Seen a girl and think how can she be mine if I have nothing to offer.
Thinking it might or might not happen adding to anxiety

Someone is always disappointed
They don't talk about
How they use
***** others over
Once they don't get their way
Given multiple chance
Some make one mistake
Then cut off forever
Jealous faces blaming others
Good people made out to be bad
The stories sick and twisted
Took the high road
Bullies still doing the same scam
Cheating to win lying to feel secure

Not always brave
Hiding in emotions
Not able to make sense
All these feelings occur
Some days full of strength
Ready to take on the day
Others full of dreadful thoughts
Hard to walk out the door
Struggling to get out of bed
Growth in the darkness composing
Shined in the light striving for more

Trying to be the good guy
Stuck playing the antagonist
Never meant to hurt anyone
Didn't mean to use anyone
Tried to be genuine honest and noble
With no hidden agenda
Always valued people
Never about materialism
Another mouth running
Once its shut a new victim
Didn't lust over anyone
Always showed true love
Wanted something more
Not just a one night stand
Promised your momma
I'd keep an eye out
Hard to honor your word
All the danger back at it
Another stranger just keep lusting

All these feelings
All these emotions
Change over time
A loving heart on reserve
Kissing lips from the one
Tired eyes caring too much
A hopeless romantic dreaming
The romantic so much to offer
Can't find love feeling hopeless
Never about money or material goods
Make time for one another
Be present spending quality time

Over the double standards
Others do it turn a blind eye
Doing your own thing seen a selfish
The worse of them all with any say
Not so bad in comparison seen as evil
Told the truth in a room full of lies
Taking on the crowd doesn't make sense
Everyone just getting loud for no reason
Open season on the offended getting defensive
Over all the phases pushed into a crowd
Want to talk not saying much
Thinking loud only if the words would come out
So many talking like they know what's best
Hard to breathe in this toxic room
Want out looking for an exit it
Brain feels like it might explode so much I sanity