He thought what to say in his mind
When he attempted to speak
Nothing came out his voice went mute
His thoughts got the best of him
Never played out accordingly
The plan never unfolded pleasantly
The sequence was lost in transition
He was the good guy that got hurt
Made out to be the bad guy
Due to his moral code
He wore his heart on his sleeve
He knew his worth in the world
While others with twisted views
Perceived differently by others
Multiple false accusations

We use to be close
Now it's over never started
No one knew about us any type of connection
A friendship that turned into a fling
A great friend of yours had a deep conversation
She asked how far did it go between you two
It went all the way he responded
Why would you ask such a question
This friend said nothing happened
He was shocked that he was denied
So proud so in love to be denied
The rejection hit deep in the heart

Miss being young no bills
Just friends being dumb having fun
Stayed single feared having a kid
At a young age dated but started late
Everyone grew up some went to school
Others stayed home got married or had kids
Forced to grow up and others just worked
Drinking was fun underage then it wasn't
Some developed habits others did drugs
No one knows what they want
Even now as an adult still figuring it out
Thinking how close friends use to be
Now strangers no longer talking
Some got clean acting like they did no wrong
Mad over a cheating girl that did them wrong
So many factors that make it hard
Some roll with the punches others take them
Trying to be better than parents
Some end up like them or even worse

Everyone tells their stories
Full of lies and it's embrace
Told the truth everyone's mad
Making excuses to justify
Their wrong doing
The frustration of others full of rage
Stayed calm collected composed
Tired of corruption scandals
Getting the worst of it
Turning a blind eye
All of the battle struggle didnt matter
Changing the rules
Moving the boundary lines
Walked away not empowering
Kept a distance not trust or respect
So much tension resistance

Not into feeding egos
Struggling with confidence
Hard to trust anyone
Confine in others broken trust
Looking for a true friend
Haven't been connected for a while
The single life can be lonely
Living it to the fullest
Haven't found the right person
Like a turtle in a shell
A safety space the comfort zone
Giving it all not the best
Doing what's best
What needs to be done
Trying to find it within
Confidence to be better
Strive towards excellence
Letting the heart grow
The words flow from within
A quiet mouth with a loud mind

Talking about it all
Tapping into the darkness
So the light could heal
How did this happen?
When did this start?
Like you can pin point
Where it went wrong
Life if you can go back
Prevent it from happening
All you can do it pick up
Where you are at
Move forward learn the lesson

Trying to find that joy
A toy from childhood
A show that made your mornings
Always heard father say
It was better before
Never knew what that meant
Till becoming an adult
Childhood gone but full of memories
As an adult memories are earned
Money to pay bills or buy stuff
A purchase translates
Into hours at work

Don't want to feel this way
Meant well seen as wrong
Stayed open to be closed out
Listened to others vent sad stories
Shared funny stories to be fun
Now being ignored use to being denied
So close never happened
Went down according to the plan
Need to come up with a new way
The old way failed so much sacrifice

In the mirror
Dressing for this date
Be on time don't be late
Trying to make a good impression
Bought a dress shirt baby blue
She was always on his mind
He was falling hard for her
Hoping this might work
Instead of expecting the worse
They dated and things went well
Once the label was tagged
It got complicated more difficult
From talking to silent
Kissing and passion touch
Eventually no feelings or emotions

Wide awake should be sleeping
A train in the distance echoing horn
The fresh night air cold and fresh
A clear mind from writing
Calm night could hear cars
On the freeway in the distance
Lay in bed talking to her
Pretending shes here
Talking to God and praying
Things aren't bad could be better
Never been about money
Thankful to be working
Through these tough times
Focused on blessing
Learned the life lessons
Loving with a broken heart
Loving others like I'd like to be loved

Years of scribbling it down
Mind keeps looping around
See it appears to be real
Feel it the body reacts to it
Lived it once repeating in the mind
Made memories magical moments
Dealing unprocessed feelings
Emotions are deep unexpressed
Seeping out of the pores
Twitching ****** expression
Releasing all this pent up frustration
Negativity into positivity motivation
Everywhere feeling things come together

Feeling podcasting again
Wish the little things
Brought joy
Always obsessed with work
Being responsible
No life outside of that
Been laughing at random stuff
Smiling sharing a funny story
Telling another angle of the event
Talking about the moment

Talking it out
Defuse the frustration within
Silent after a few moments
The mind racing need to decompress
Pent up emotions bubbling up
That need to be expressed
Spoke kindly got ignored
Spoke directly with a tone
Suddenly the vibe became livid
So much taken in lack of respect
Now returning the vibe so intense
No need to run or hide
Once the foot hits the ground

Always treated differently
Held to a different standard
Single life responsible for own happiness
Working being to contribute a share
Had dreams seen a crazy for believing
Spoke truth made out to be weird
Trying to live a normal life being positive
Growing up around negativity
Trying to be functional around dysfunctional
Life was tough sometimes hard
Doesn't mean let it **** or remain the same

Sobered up all the crazy
Not phasing anymore
Made some changes
Cut off old friends
Toxic with negative vibes
Learned to say NO
Always taking over
Someones drama and problems
Doing someone's work
Always willing to work
Care way too much
But can be too overwhelming
Doing the job can take it's toll

Been doing it for a while
Dk anything else
Care more than most
Give it all earn that sleep
Thoughts and emotions run deep
Keep moving on these tired feet
Smiled and pushing through
Helped out till time runs out
Working for the long term
Stuck with the short term
Not surprised burned again
Stayed calm and worked harder
Eager more determined than before

Took some time to figure it out
Being put in an awkward situation
Felt out of place didn't want to be there
Didn't do anything wrong but felt watched
Parking in a neighborhood because of work
Seen as a trespassing so much tension
Just there for the day but out of place
Left and watched prefer to stay away
Not go there or be around dk anyone
Or don't want to know anyone
The day felt long shaky inside
Like something might go wrong
On edge no pretending anymore
Life got real and intense to handle

Not one to share feelings
Give an opinion respectfully
Share some thoughts
Hate how opinions are used against
Looked at differently for an opinion
Treated like an enemy for disagreeing
Respectful of opinions
Different points of view
New perspective ways to observe
Open to learn mostly understand

Tried to make up for missing
Work felt tripled trying to help
Feels like time is running out
An older man wants to be young
Try to have fun life so dull and boring
New activities and new hobbies
Friends are getting married
Having kids family first
Working nights being responsible
On different schedules letting go
It was hard emotions fade
Feelings going numb feeling dim within
Wanting to scream things wont change
Life goes on starting to age turn the page

Making most of things
Not fond of the location
Use to click and vibe with people
Feeling alone and isolated
Trying to do the job right
Don't care to argue or fight
A sleepless night ends quick
Another restless day never ending
Neck is stiff working through pain
Lost in building creative projects

There's no secret just keep working
Work for it nothing is given
Don't care to prove anymore
Set up to fail trying to make it
Mind needs peace not influenced
by others pretending to be somebody
Didn't know about lofti beats
Started to feel them within
Able to show emotions set a time
Grown up living it up daily
Still haven't made it so close
Yet it feels so far away to touch
Hard to walk away always determined
Took a different path
Didn't expect to get there
Right away or follow the norm
The ideal standards of others
Working with what's given
Thankful for the blessings
Earned it putting in time
Working to make it happen

How you don't talk to so and so
We aren't friends departed
Talking behind my back being two faced
Respect you more if you said it straight up
You do your thing doing mine
Doing my own thing
Never been about material possessions
But live life to the fullest
Both have our own plans
Our own life praying for you
Just because we don't talk
We don't see eye to eye

Cant do this alone against the odds
This walk is harder without faith
Emptiness needs prayer to heal
Never said a word seen as stuck up
Spoke some truth got the 3rd degree
No one listens to understand
The response is tell and demand
Wanted to argue back held back
Person is stubborn set in their ways
Such a waste of time why even bother
Not empowering negativity anymore
Keep the distances over being denied
Held to a different standard
For not conforming or giving in by
Lowering self respect to be accepted

He was scared of success
He did love his family
Why would he be the one
Taking care of everyone
If he made it to the next level
If he made they'd love him
If he failed they'd look down on him
In the end he was never seen the same
He rebelled drifted off his course
Always held to a different standard
From the rest he gave it was never enough
They expected more
He always felt like a failure
They were quick punk
And push him around
Talking big but didn't do anything

Trying to empower others
Motivate to grow
Be much more than before
Never settle for less
Be the best you possible
Making it happen with drive
Don't wait for the moment to pass
Ready for this or ready for that
Over prepared came too easy
In the moment making it up on the go
Heart and soul make or break it down

Never close and personal
Open to talk no one listening
In a sound proof box
Wonder if anyone could hear
If anyone understands
Instead of being dismissive
Voice echoing bouncing off the wall
Voice is not heard seeing words
Thoughts and emotions come out low
Non-emotional it's starting to show
Private with few silent with the rest

Trying to be honest
Lieing eats up the insides bleeds out
So many offend for being called out
Always told straight up
Treated differently for having an opinion
Criticized for having a goal
Seen as crazy for pursuing a dream
Could be better still not settling
Squatted after being told off
Being disrespected stopped listening
Attacked by bad attitudes
Getting the backlash
Frustration caused by someone else
Knows about sacrifice to get through
This journey to be an individual
Called a rebel for taking a stand
No one believe in your work
Only expecting results as proof
Like your efforts don't matter
Use to being denied not accepting it
Being rejected means meant for better
Laughed at by family who never tried
Mocked by devious people
Who don't understand
Nor do they care
Since it's not about them

Had a conversation with a friend
Talked about things that bug
That made me angry and upset
All those friends
Who talked behind my back
Told them straight up out of respect
All the lazy people
Doing nothing collecting a check
Who said my hard work
Makes them look bad
When I got sober it was a problem
Others got sober expect to be praised
Saying it couldn't be done
After doing it multiple times
Always hustling to get it done
While others **** up brown nose
Know what its like to be broke
Thankful to be working
Excluded looking in
On the inside wanting out
Can't deny myself to be accepted
To be liked by judgemental people
Being myself seen as hood
Even if it means
Beginning called ghetto
All those who laughed for crying
Being sensitive tired of bullies
Giving others the best
While bringing out the worse

Already been there
Already done that
Stepped it up to get it done
Always pointing out flaws
Expecting more with no respect
Give it all full effort it's never enough
Feels like time is running out
Use to say there's plenty of time
My mind my love is blind
Trusting partner hard to find
Always praying for things to change
Staying positive things will get better
Everywhere with thoughts so much clutter

Being strong for others
Not always confident
Being bold and honest
Some days are up
Others are down
Getting off social media
Appreciating life by living
Mental health finding outlets
Words to share emotions
Drawing to show feelings
Letting go of what's within
Some are good memories
Others toxic not feeding into them
Each line to empower
Texture for dimensions
Sharing what's inside
Stop hiding cheating yourself
Stay loyal true genuine
Hard qualities to find now a days
Be you and yourself
Since its all you know
Time to shine let it show

Feels right but it wont load
Got too deep kept it real
Said what's up to be ignored
Did things alone all of a sudden
Others show interest pretend to care
Gave an invite not taken serious
Seen as a joke no one is playing
Showed mush respect taken lightly
Had to detour in this journey
Made it to the destination
Always moving nothing is permanent
Never get comfortable avoid change

Not always brave
Hiding in emotions
Not able to make sense
All these feelings occur
Some days full of strength
Ready to take on the day
Others full of dreadful thoughts
Hard to walk out the door
Struggling to get out of bed
Growth in the darkness composing
Shined in the light striving for more