Feels like its over
Life might end not feeling right
Off can't seem to be centered
Composed falling apart inside
Mind racing trying to slow down
Panic attack not sure how to act
What to do feeling down
The world spinning around
Mentally stuck fear of being locked up

So much struggle with family
Wanted to be involved kept out
Now there's a welcoming moment
Not sure how to act or respond
Broken home due to alcohol
A child stuck in the middle of it all
Parents mean well not taken well
From teen to adult things
Never change over come the pain
Sober living is a lonely life

Don't know the answers
But ready for solutions
Quick to point out the problem
That's not enough and could be tough
Hard to speak without being attacked
Tried different for having an opinion
Not much of a speaker ignored trying to explain
But will write about it to not be interrupted
Been in an awkward spot lately
From being involved to pushed out
Placed somewhere else making the most of it
Heart is not in it that's important
Mind not wanting to be there
Blocking it out upon arrival

A dark sense of humor
Loved to make others laugh
Made a random remark
During an awkward silence
Tried to be funny all the time
During an argument
Made it worse everyone too serious
Someone is too sensitive
Or easily offended can't take a joke
Hurting their own feelings
His smile made others do the same
Now they can't stand him
Or his witty remarks
That made it socially awkward

Growing within seeking purpose
Heart desires more cant keep settling
Something isn't right something is missing
Trying to fill this hole to feel whole
Another mindset in a different time period
Not that person sharing a testimony
The life of... Some chapters are great
Others shouldn't be read out loud
Hard to take in but moments that passed

Another day I pray did all I could
Feeling stuck and luck runs out
All the drama and karma I can do without
Standing tall on call stripped of all the same **** kids with no respect or shame. Got drunk it's not Okay bring back old memories and shame.
Lightened up on the grip everything got lost out of control.

I like light skinned black girls but I feel my family won't approve even though they don't approve of me anyone. I'm forgetting about the people who rejected me or treated me like I don't matter. They aren't my friends or my crowd anymore.
They are who they are I accept them but I don't care to be around or associate with fake people or people who used me and took me for granted they made me look bad while I brought out the best in them.
One minute we were good friends and now we are strangers and don't talk we don't get along anymore or know one another anymore. I don't wish you bad or care to be around. I feel hurt and betrayed I don't trust or care to be involved with anyone. Say what you feel and the changes you have made don't be afraid to hold back. You don't need to be liked or their approval you do what's right and feels right.
Sharing my personal thoughts who I am and what I am feeling. I'm keeping my eyes on the prize I just want to be responsible and make it happen for me doing my own thing. I'm not one who belongs in the crowd.

In a dream you are successful made it. The reality is you struggle to sure.
Everyone has that dream job, but when the work comes it more than imagined.
The fear of not being able succeed is the mind playing tricks on you.
Its been done before starting over not sure where or how too many ways but lost with your own.
The mind looking for distractions something to latch on to because things are missing.
All mind can do is wander and become something all that's known doesn't make sense.