Lots of conflict in turmoil
Can't see eye to eye
Behaviors alter as defense
Broken trust caused by constant lies
Lack of respect for one another
Both have big egos clashing
Consumed by pride everything dies
From ******* face to avoiding one another
So much hatred can't be in the same room
Social with everyone but one another
Mixed emotions gone south hit rock bottom

Not always able to speak
But can write for days
Not a phase a clear mind
New mindset onto new
Can't do much ready to be set free
The past is over not meant to be
Let me be time to rise
Years of holding up others
Dead inside trying to exist
Rather be living than pretending
Not what others say
Know the truth not listening to lies
Free to think without being judged
Speak without others thinking less of
Have an opinion full of grace
Here comes more criticism
Out of my ear with ruckus
Out of my face not intimidated anymore

Use to wake up drink
Other times with a black eye
Not knowing what happened
The night a blur can't remember
Waking up at home no clue
Drank too much hiding in a bottle
Couldn't get enough numbing pain
Remember everything trying to forget
Block it out not sure How to deal
Deal with all these emotions
Never felt ot been this way before
Losing a sibling wanting love
Thinking the one is found
Never was meant to be
Not sure how it happened
From confidence to doubting
From a whole feeling complete
Once it ended a bottomless hole
That couldn't be filled feeling numb
Consumed by it all spiraling down

Writing to get it out
Out of the system
Trying not to burn and crash
Said some stuff didn't feel right
Wrote it down things made more sense
Such a process with writing
The word play and deep thoughts
Wild emotions come out raw
Processing it all don't always cope
So many outlets don't always get out
Doing too much at once
Overloading the system
Never enough  trying to do more
A personality too much for others to handle

Friday with my siblings
Also with my friends
Have sleep overs full of gaming
A team to beat the game
We would stop at the video store
Check out a movie, get a game
Play at home order pizza
Some games fun, others complicated
Finally the movie was available to own
But could be rented to decide
If you'd buy it or not same with games
A chance to decide if you'd own it
Experience for cheap without wasting money

The world has change
Not for the better
Finding faith and praying
Always had respect for my elders
Never entitled earned a spot
Working for it since its not given
Treat people right they'll do the same
Not looking for trouble
Don't care for drama
Not always liked but respectful
Don't bother others with problems
Quick to find a solution
Can't always settle for less

Writing for years
Wiping those tears
Telling the truth
Seen as wild and ruthless
Not about gold seen as cold
The struggle within
Trying to get out of this mindset
Open to change turn the page
Growing out of bed habits
Not falling back into them
Focused on being better
Over come some pain
Strive to be better
Living life to the fullest
Tomorrow is not promised

He thought he had time
Almost 40 lived a wild life
Learning to settle down
Dated all the wrong women
Trying to find the right one
Feels like time is running out
Working to support his craft
Always around family
They always kept him down
He wasn't in a rush
Been hurt by an old crush
All the lies deceit hard to trust
Injuries finally healing
Not the same with the pain
Bones ache in the rain

He was made fun of but family
He grew up poor and wanted more
Never settled for less and had to work
Couldn't settle for less
Got tired of being distracted
Lost his way on a different path
Went to college set the bar
His siblings drifted away
In a bad relationship settling for less
He wanted more for them
It's their life he let it go
He didn't know them anymore
Everyone grew up became their own person
He respected them as an individual
They expected and acted like he owed them
He was never rude or disrespectful
They talked down on him he stayed away
Everyone vicious set in their ways
He prayed and went on his way
He forgave them and himself
From who he use to be
The path he chose was the walk of faith

Rewiring the mind
Learned bad habits
Reprogram the mind
Plugged in no connection
Unplugged to reconnect
Learning to speak up
Taking on others burdens
Dropped the dead weight
Love can't be replaced with hate

Trying to stay whole
Filling this hole
Feeling it deep in the soul
Everyday personal growth
Open to learn wisdom
Taking in the environment
Seeing things in a whole new light
Hard to speak easier to write
More than one way good days ahead
Focused on another to get it done

Facing the fears
Can't hide or run
Taking on those challenges
Growing no longer afraid
Overcome the fear of life
Moving onto new
Only if she knew
Woke up strong
With no clue

Don't like letting people down
It bugs me to my soul
Gets to my heart causing ache
Drains my strength and energy
Taking on weight getting crushed
Helping others with burdens
Caring too much overwhelmed
Being careless is hard
Carrying an empty heart
Feeling lifeless like a ghost
Going through motions
Can't win doing what's right
Able to write able to pursue
One dream no say or control
Over the rest of the world
Made the most of it all
Sitting alone in the break room
People don't want to get hurt
They detach themselves
Feeling exclude from the rest
Nothing to give or offer anymore

Feels right but it wont load
Got too deep kept it real
Said what's up to be ignored
Did things alone all of a sudden
Others show interest pretend to care
Gave an invite not taken serious
Seen as a joke no one is playing
Showed mush respect taken lightly
Had to detour in this journey
Made it to the destination
Always moving nothing is permanent
Never get comfortable avoid change

He admired her smile
She worked at his favorite spot
He thought about asking her out
But feared she might say no
Or worse see him differently
Think less of him for showing emotions
He had feelings that had curiosity
All he wanted was to get to know her
Share a meal find out her interests
A friendship that could possibly grow

Trying to pin point the moment
Where it went wrong
Like if you could go back
Back in time to fix the mistake
Forgiving yourself is hard
Trying to move on to forward
Tired of being in denial
Living a lie compromised outcomes
A series of events
Some loved and treasured
Some regret on the mind
Looping thoughts questioning behavior
The heart starved craving new moments
The old ones fade losing gratification
Detached from the new
Forgetting the old need to move on
Can't go back life's about moving forward

Stopped going out
Not social anymore
Shut out the world
Feeling locked in
Stripped away the old
Thinking about the new
Living in this head
The mind cranking out ideas
Old feelings numb
Wanting to feel that way again
Feels like its gone never again
Old pain fades over time
Cut out those who hurt you
Avoiding toxic people
Not fearing actions
But the consequences
Can't go to certain places
So many bad memories

Never looked at it before
Feel it coming together
So much change over time
Sober living not giving it up
Cut out toxic people no more hate
So much negativity had to get away
Feeling more motivated
Choices without others influence
Been down but not out overtime
Plotting and planning moves
Need to put them into effect

Writing to past time
Clear my mind do what's right
Able to share without criticism
Feelings used against you seen as weak
With a pen and notebook feel at peace
Someone is mad always tripping
Keeping a distance not getting all the backlash
Never said anything about anyone
All they do is talk not listening of bothering
Caught feelings ended up disappointed
Shared emotions and treated different
Like it doesn't matter or mean anything
Walk around acting heartless not to get hurt

The weather makes it easier to sleep
It is better to be cold than hot
Blankets and football weather
Not chocolate soothes the soul
Refreshing nights full of comfort
Able to take it all in and enjoy
Everyday with growth
Onto new beginnings
Able to rest and it shows

Where to start
The end is near
Time to start pursue new
Let this heart grow
The soul grows and glows
Praying for strength
Overcome the fear
Shared feelings and emotions
Became an awkward silence
The intensity wasn't reassuring
Made others uncomfortable

So much change
Have no say or control
Feeling frustrated
Things went well
Now are ending
Mixed emotions
So close yet so far
What does it mean
Took it in
Couldn't get enough
Wanted to embrace
Got to close it went away
Kept a distance
Eventually stray away
Cared too much or not enough
It always made things tough

Always taking whatever came
Worked with what was given
Use to have a say now takes it
So many years of change
Hard to trust anyone that lies
Should've been next overlooked
Made an effort to be better
Always in the struggle
Did more than most still ignored
Treated bad for having an opinion
Years of frustration thinking people care
Thinking they'll do what's right
Make a difference it's a waste
And doesn't matter the hardest working
Would like to complain vent to management
But say be quiet work harder
So much giving and compromise
What happened where did it go wrong
Can't change the past to fix the present
All these events hard to pin point a moment
Some days are easy others are hard

Talking about the past
With an old friend
Reminded of the good time
Forgot about some moments
Wasn't her type but that's all right
She eventually caught feelings
After she denied yours
Stayed away don't talk anymore
Missed the good times
We meant not to be in this life time
Thought it was the right time
Turns out not anytime soon

Everything encountered
Should be shared to help others
Let them know they are not alone
Growth from within
Put out positive vibes
Deal with bad as well
Use them to inspire
Get inspired by these moments

Always lonely
Seeking out people
Good or bad found comfort
Being more selective
Hard to connect
Or relate to anyone
Everything changes
Not the same person
Memories fade
Cant remember names
But able to recall a face
Old friends disconnected
New friends hard to make

Too many people talking
Should be listening to the voice within
Made sacrifices for the wrong people
Made time got left hanging
Asked to meet half way
Ended up going all the way
One sided an arrangement for two
Made time for others what a waste
Got back on routine
Feeling better about branching out
Wore a heart on the sleeve
Too much hurt expected too much
Gave it all not expecting anything
Can't rely on anyone
Learn all the skills possible
Tired of waiting on others to be denied
Tired of waiting on others
Over being set up to fail
Never settle for less prevail

Learning to be a fan always involved
From a player to a coach transition
Learned what it takes to win
As an athlete listen to coach
Everything is planned for a reason
As a lead coach Make the palyer better
Share years of collected knowledge
Passed on the skills to the next
Lots of repetition to develop
Gained more from losing
Learned life lesson from the sport

Listen to comedy for laughs
Love funny stories with friends
Hilarious stories from different angles
Different people how they contribute
Those feelings in the moment
Social gatherings use to be fun
Now people are stuck on their phone
Having a conversation don't care to text
Meeting up for dates or lunches dinners
Getting a number to set up an arrangement

Everyone has choices to make
Decisions to be made
Everyone has their own life
Sometimes you want to help
Some prefer the hard way
Over doing things easily
Finding another way
Sometimes given it all
It's never enough
While others work with what's given
Making the most of it all
Taking on the struggle
Without accepting defeat
Standing tall going the distance
Making the most of it

Feels right in one place
Been doing it for so long
Starting over somewhere new
Working from the bottom to the top
Always respectful to those there
And willing to learn from those
Who started it all learn and keep building
Not there to take over or be territorial
Make an effort to contribute

College was a new experience
New people from all over the state
New about social groups and social circles
Eventually it would become about life styles
Not use to certain ways of life
Always been accept and respectful
Till others impose it feels like a struggle
Stuck in a conflict that has nothing to do with
So many new labels and boxes to fit into
Didn't care for any of it tried to get an education
Moving into the dorms around the stoners
Wasn't about it but it was more accepted
Drinking on the weekend was a thing
Binge drinking for a week who knew
So much had changed with age
Reading books to write papers
Sometimes it made sense
Other times what the hell was going on
Sharing a room with a roommate
Some were great others a walking disaster
Nice to sleep in a bed without siblings
So much change but missing family
Dating was another new voyage

Sad to be around my cousins kids
The kids want attention and ignored
They like when you spend time with them
Doesn't take much to be involved
Everyone is different
With their styles and approach
Always wondered what if and why
Some have kids but not responsible
Trying to be the person
Needed when being young

The worse is showing no emotions
Hurting inside refusing to shed a tear
Hiding feelings not easy to express
They'll get the best of you
Like trying to defuse a bomb
Trying to be better rise above hate
Not fall into bad habits
Not lose your temper over others
A smirk to hide the frustration
Minding your mouth not going off
Keeping out of others business
Too bad they can't do the same
They'll throw you under
Because they have nothing to show
Trying to tarnish your reputation
So they can feel better so insecure
Another act pretending to be pals
Trying get into not spilling the beans

Keep it simple
Write it short
A sense of humor
A mind full of laughs
Everyone easily offended
Suppose to be funny
Too serious analytical
Someone is always mad
Or criticism than laugh
A silent room no applause
Trying to cheer others up
Hate consumes their way of life
Being nice open to change
An easy target on the stage no regrets

Working hard to pay bills
Heart beats to the Blues
A heart fueled by soul
Negativity soul *******
Positive mindset consumed
By what "if" possibilities
See it happen in the mind
Comeback to reality day dreaming
Praying for the result so close
Another outcome wasn't expecting
Still hustling working for it
Losing control a wild mouth
Stay calm and collected

Always looking for love
Find support being creative
Someone in a bad mood
Keeping a distance that's not good
Some days talking it up
Others an intense silence
Not trying to pry or intrude
Wondering what's wrong or going on
Would rather ask than assume
Everyone faces obstacles to overcome
Dealing with a struggle you're not alone
Sometimes the support is there
Just know I care even when things seem unfair

Speaking from the heart
Always honest makes life easier
Caring too much can have setback
The heart means well doing what's right
This heart and mind in conflict
Logic versus emotions and feelings
Very observant notice things
Helped a friend kept them moving
Some just use and betray trust
Left when times got tough
Left taking the blame fighting their battle
Spoke up made them look good
Now they are dumping their heat
Like if you started it