The urge to drink not giving
Will not consume or be consumed
Numb to the world hoping to be normal
Past due like the bills feeling cut off
Inner peace turns to rage and hate
You don't want to hurt anyone
Self destruction is no longer an option
You walk away wishing you could stay
The heart and mind conflict the truth is blurred
Mostly denied not the official plan
Only if everything would fall into place

Thinking of how people used me and betrayed me but the worse double cross is from family your own blood choosing bad habits and lieing to those who live them.
My cousin is a drug addict his habits have made him become someone I thought I knew. He's always scratching never sleeps he's burned so many people and stole I never thought he'd cross that line with me.
It sickens me to know others see drugs more important than family. It hit me deep struck a nerve to know I can't do anything he has to want to change I'm not forcing it.
I don't want to give up but I'll stay away because I don't want to get hurt again or know if I can ever trust.
This kid was suppose to go to the navy but he's out doing drugs wasting time its not my life but its hard to watch.

we cant be together because you fear commitment
excuses for everything you dont care for me
when things fail you point the finger and blame
she wants me more now that i want someone else
you torture my soul when all i want is for love
i like when you tease me but dont lead me one
im the excuse when guys come near
you fear hurt but hurt me more
im accused of being the other guy
when theres nothing between us
i want love but all we do is lust
im over this feeling like an excuse
connection was great disconnection led to hate
im over the abuse not making anymore excuses
now i leave no more abuse

The day she left thought love ended
Day you move back home feelings of freedom ending
The day your brother dies you can't help but blame yourself
Told to be a role model was your job to be a parent
Become a leader lead by example
The more you want in they keep you out
Told to do something you don't do
Thought of a career pursuing is hard but can be done
Trying to focus not have a break down
It use to feel like no one wanted me around
Mad because you don't get respect and think I owe it to you.
Too many things I couldn't do before but doing them now
With or without you it's what I love and care about
Creative juices flowing over being self destructive only hurting myself so not doing that anymore
After answers and solutions especially when your the problem

Stay calm say it once that's all it needs the presentation is everything.
I like to make remarks that send a chill down spines
Deep with rich comments that are dark most of all to the point
My critics don't understand they assume crazy
I've always been daring but respectful of others
Now a days when others do stuff instead of being an example they make an example of you
Manners are gone I'm so over the rude and tasteless disrespect
I respected my elders even if they are wrong
Most argue with their parents I accepted their decisions even though I clearly disagreed
Getting hit was discipline not child abuse
Everyone grows up different so we have to respect those differences even though we don't agree our up bringing sets us apart

Working hard hoping to move up
I refuse to let up I feel like giving up
I'd rather work the be broke
Find time to train before and after
Things that hurt me are no longer around
Not letting anything keep me down
I got hurt trying to love someone who didn't care about me
I found true love in my gym routine
Heavy weights that make me sore and sweat
Cardio machines that I get on so I can get some reading done
Getting extra hours at work hoping one day
I'll be better off instead of getting by
Being strong hold my tears in not going to cry
I've encounter many people not sure who to trust
Wild women fast and easy lushes
I'm over that life not trying to lust
I feel alone but on the right path
Being myself not letting anyone influence my progress

A leader does kore than most
Willing to stand out from the pack
Sometimes the pack opposes you for wanting it more
You speak up and refuse to be silent but call them on things
You by example while others try to make an example of you
Sometime you break through but those you fight for try setting you back
Youre their strength  because they shareed their weakness
Not using it against them they'll use you as a stepping stone
You help them while they serve you betrayal
The fearless looks past it all to get the job done with or without help

Write to get it out
Emotions not coped with
Dealt with no closure
More Unanswered questions
Don't lose it buried with time
Wasn't important at the moment
Too last to do anything now
Didn't care then why worry now
Can't change the past to fix the current
Shrinking ego lost courage
Time of day find the way
Real happiness truthful ppl
Past mentioned useless now

Reading to be entertained
Another new comic to the collection
Working to get ahead become a boss
Write to express my feelings
Music to stimule the mind
The gym to tune up the body
Drawing to create my logo
My symbol of rebellion

I've learned I can't please everyone embraced my haters
I'm happy with myself not trying to be someone I'm not
I love myself more I'm one if a kind not like the rest
Others might not agree and protest I hope one day they understand
See the world my way I'm responsible for what I say
I've learned it's not my responsibility to if you don't understand
You might hate who I respect but your views don't influence my judgement
Treat me bad you won't get a response your nit going to bully or throw fits to get your way
Thinking of how to be a better me
Which means everything
I never gave into your way get over yourself
I'm me not you the difference is I'm true while your cold and blue

From on the edge to straight edge
Obsessing over what failed
Thinking of ways to change the outcome
Letting go starting a new
The ending imagined never came true
Denial ridden need the cure over being immune
writing clears the system
Not caring anymore
See the change feel it within
No more letting others take you for granted

Laying on your back starring at the ceiling
Feeling nothing with a blank expression
Not need but feel close to it barely surviving
Hard to move nerves firing with burning pain
Struggle to speak because it's all in the mind

Put it out of course others have doubts
Twist and turn the meaning of words
Right or wrong it needed to be said
Real emotions cantle expressed
Too many jerks shut down the topic
Accuse or trying to understand
Try not to be sensitive but feel dumb
Rude bullies talk like they know but have no clue
Emotions beat black and blue
Thoughts to strike overeact that the trigger to help them win
Loss of temper feels like a sin
Mouth burns a hole in their heart
Can't handle the lynch they started on others
Being honest is the code
Truth is cold not trying to hold on
Or give them the upper hand
Thumbs down check them no more messing around

Writing makes my heart race
Clears my mind so I won't overthink
I'd rather do that than drink
Not crying over the ex focused on what's next
Working hard to reach my goals
Stay consistent in the gym be better physically
Speak the truth for change over all the lies
Work to move up that's hard when they are cutting higher opportunity.
Living straight edge lifestyle too many consumed by burdens living with guilt
I'm not perfect but I'd rather do it right over learning from mistakes
Healing scars from those life lessons
Do it already stop thinking and obsessing

I don't fear death I feel dead inside. I've changed my way of living the person I use to be us gone I no longer care to drink or get the urge to do so.
I've learned to deal with my emotions instead of drown them out. I wish I could say whatever but can't someone is always on my case trying to justify they are right when I disagree.
I'm my own individual but no one wants me to shine for that. I'm not popular but know I could bust my *** to new levels other think its hand to me but its not time and time again I prove myself worthy.
I'm not starting over or stepping aside too many time others mistake my kindness for weakness. Ppl treat me like I'm worthless but they are useless to all this false talk and promise not honoring your word get the heck out of here you leading misleading  ****

Cold touch no more love
Hatred bass in the voice
Silent treatment does no favors
Strength brings the weak
Pent up frustration goes on for too long
Too strong won't shed a tear
Show emotions be weak
What it takes to be or seen as human
Down and damaged disgusted faces
Past you by judging like that couldn't be them
In there moment of doubt
Minded your own kept out
Stupid ****** expressions
Getting rewarded didn't do right but given more

Everyday is a new day loving the change
Not the person you remember
Being more like me and better
Broke free of the pain
Lots of positive gain
I don't hate you but treasure the good times
You don't know me so why do you hate me
You hurt me and mad because I refuse to let your lies phase
I'll always be better even when you think you have me beat
Not sitting around crying waiting for you to return
Having trust in you is the 3rd degree burn

In a perfect world things would fall into place
We should be together instead of figuring it out
I have a place for you in my heart
Even if you aren't ready there's no rush
I've learned to trust respect myself not looking for a lust
I've grown and feel I can't go back down
Let's move forward not looking back
Pursue what's right for the heart
Not giving up happiness means more let's not fall apart
Thought id never find love but something about you woke my numb spirit

I was starting to catch feelings
Turns out you weren't right for me
Moving on without you
I felt connected now we are distant
Overtime my feelings fade I craved her to be around
The days off missing you are over
The days of reaching out and being lead on end
Start new not saving a place for you in my heart
You go away I wish you the best
I want and wish for better I deserve love things feel right and natural

Family court family verdict everyone on trial
You want wild stop acting like a child
Egos battle collide going down no need to hide
Holla at the girl she wants a ride
Go all the way keep Pursing regardless of what they say or think
Everyone changes their mind in the blink
Never appears to be what you think
Some bs might lead others to drink
Messed up more messed up faces
Everything is a phase you grow and rise
Until you try there's no surprise
Not listening to lies
Or giving in being the last that cries

i found other to be repulsive
but accept them with ever flaw
they speak my name like a claw in my back
not worthy of being spoke from my mouth
i live with the guilt but own up to my flaws
others pass judgement without making sure they free of sin
i will not argue because never started this or expecting to win
my name mixed with yours is like a stain on white
you feel the urge to belittle my character
my blood does bol but i become mind numb
lossing respect and feelings how to inner act with your shady ways

Four walls become a cell
Hard to breath
Plan to escape
Once out not sure where to go
Thoughts of no home
Eyes burn in the light
Close them and think
Hate has grown not
Tired of being alone
Heart of stone
Emotions colds as ice
Escape the weak
Strong and bold
Will not fold under pressure

Rely on bad habits
Need to do wrong to feel right
Feelings of the heart begin to sink
Confused not sure how to feel or think
Confrontation leads to destruction
Mouth bites the lip
Taste of blood on the tongue
Staying calm not trying to trip
find loop holes to jump through
No one wants the truth
Told not to lie be honest
Undermine others in protest
Speak to escape being a moving target
Rivals hold fire but aim for the ****
Removing labels others placed
Never true only if others knew
No need to be what others say
Be you and the phonies fade away

Forget the old start a new I see others admire you when your attention is else where
Im glad everyone has that same im going to change attitude even if its for a day.
Everyone has a quest and journey sometimes other factors have a rush but stay focus.
Target those unfinished projects
Start those things on the back of your mind
Ive been good ive been better not settling for less
Turn all the what ifs into at least I tried
Every experience has good or bad you gain from just depends on how you use it.

Over the thought of you
Everything was never true
So stubborn ignore the clues
Hoping you'd change not happening anytime soon
Life fuels ip with hate and rage no more you
Thinking clear set the record straight
No sense of time always late for others
Friends have families fallen brothers
Not sure how to love take the next best thing
Move towards real love don't be fake!
She use to love you but there's no more faith
In her heart why be around she brings you down
Smiles with other gives you ***** looks
You'll only find imaginary love in books

Somedays hard to write
Everything needs the light to be visible
Create make sense harder than being self destructive
The tears dont flow but stress builds up
Mind draws a blank no ideas or visual
Don't care to be normal must have a random twist
Writing should be remember
The reader saying I could only imagine this
Of feel the emotions through the words
Doesn't always feel right but makes sense
Current events collect in the mind eventually
Become fuel to the fire keep it burning
Rants to be heard doesn't mean the madness is cured

Sit out under the trees in front of the house
The bench I sit feel the cold night breeze
The moonlight reflects casting light making shadows
Spiders drop from the tree branches
See the moon through the tree branches
Open patches through the leafs
Think about life reflect moments and store
The quiet tension sets the mood the smell of moist in the air
Feel the mood of the moon the quiet night
Fresh until you feel the bugs bite
Relax feel you could sleep in peace for the rest of the night
Thankful for the tree accepts me and let's me be

Don't make others feel bad
For the mistakes you made
Knocked her up got married
Didn't want to bring a ******* kid into the world
Don't even love one another rushed into bs
Live solo life enjoying single living
Drank for fun you drank to avoid drama
Now sober living keep bring up the pass
Two friends different paths
One wild young free
The other enslaved to a wife has no say
She hates me prolly cheating on you anyway
Blame guilt not ready don't want the mess on your hands
Single life not going to settle down time will come till then not living in denial

Learning to forgoe tired of being *******
I don't like rude ppls disrespectful remarks
Don't judge me because of what someone else saidw
Get to know a person before coming to a conclusions
I've give may chances so now I stay away
It feels when I don't want to bother there they are
Things don't make sense but I stay real true to what the heart knows
I'm older know what I want and expect from myself.
Don't bully or mock if you need something just ask
Tell your story it's not your business to talk about others
Ready for the day hope its full of benefits to reek of

Had a talk with an aunt it was resourceful. Idk why things are the way they are but that's the way things play out! I can't change ppl but for some reason they have the urge to try and change me.
I see things different but others try to negative reinforcement me to do or be someone I'm not. I think it's foolish that my elder don't know better they do but choose not to do so.
I made my choice I've learned to not set myself up for disappointment and not get caught up in the drama. I'm trying but learned my opinion won't always be valued and heard that's okay because one day. Ill know and have to do it myself I'm always prepared for the worse.
New mind set is refreshing not everyone is out yo get me but I've learned to be open and honest with others. I don't like my words warped but it happens being able to express myself feels better than bottling up my emotions. I dislike being correct or told I'm wrong especially when it's something I've been doing sometime. Show how to do it right if not then don't criticize. I'm really trying but no one believes me being called a liar is insulting. I can't stay around too long so I have to keep moving instead of waiting and feeling held back and useless

I wish I could write happy endings but its not over till my heart stops and buried in the ground
I enjoy those pleasant moments but they are quickly ended by deceit
Learning to trust is hard after years of betrayal
Im happier than most I worked with what I have
others are blessed given everything and its not enough
Ive been told im great and deserve more respect
I keep giving even when things go wrong
Keep busy I dont like to sit around thinking how to make things right if it was meant to be things would still be going on

Set out to achieve a goal
Seeking the right people
Be better than before
Never the same
Keep moving forward
Feels like time is running out
Over all the worry and doubt
Mind is racing overdrive
Not knowing or showing emotions
Things are not a sure thing anymore
Call out escape the struggle
Not looking back or allowing to be pulled back
Heart never set because it's not meant to be
Not focused on who I was but focused on who I've become living in the moment.
Looking back is yesterday
Looking ahead is not always promised
Live in the moment appreciate the current.

Trying to forget you make me remember you more
Idk what to say so I can make the wrong right
Id like to start over the times when you came over
If you stayed over it made my night feeling alright
Id like forgiveness let's not fight
We use to be close and tight

Get it all out through writing staying sane peace win
Evil thought come out holding them in is a sin
Burn you up inside something you live with not trying to be implosive
Unexpressed emotions could be explosive
A struggle within caused by hypocrites
Be yourself don't let them win they want to play mind game
Give them a piece if mind mind their own business
Not getting a rise or getting hate too late for the comment
Quick to point out stuff already living or going on why is it wrong now all of a sudden
You want to hurt others that you must be bored your power is like an unplugged extension cord

Music always took him away while he wrote
The beats and melodies set a tone that tapped into the heart
His soul felt free because he was able to express his emotions
Sometimes he felt alone but able to relation unlike most he could express himself be helpful
He was never about himself always wondering if others felt or going through similar emotions.
Sometimes he felt whole and things were right
Other times he felt shattered within and losing his grip on reality
The music and writing went together it felt more natural.
He asked his heart and let it have a moment
The mind trying to sync up with the body and soul
Find balance restore recharge from all the wildness that came from everywhere

Moved up to the next level
Still on the bottom
Aiming for the top
Proving myself all the time
Doing it for me not anyone else

Always worrying about things I left
Always a coach at heart I worry about ex players and if they are growing in the sport.
I worry for my friends hoping their partner is treating them right!
I miss training my gym team I wish they'd carry on but they give up without my supervision.
I do my best to be an example I don't need others making an example of me.
I hope the ones I love could do right but tend to hide out doing wrong in the blind spots.
I did my workout not happy with the results I expect more from myself.
I'm not where I'd like to be since I make time to help those stuck in a struggle.
I don't get help or ask for the help but make it work.
I don't have the best but truely want that for myself.
Not afraid of risks or to fail I've been at the bottom and top

You do me anymore I see your doing the same
Looks like your doing I hoped you'd be doing better
Don't like to be around everything picks up where we left off
You left me out now you saying I walked out
Now you insulted me with your false pride
I thought we were equal not giving you a ride
Slap a label with your name against mine
Get off my coach tail I wanted to be a team
It was always about you never about anyone else
You kept trying to keep me down out of respect I let you
Now I'm on your level even though you had no confidence in my skills
Never wanted your job just wanted feel like I belong
I've grown on my own dont try to take me under your wing
I've done so much on my own you act like I owe you or need your approval
Got to make my on way no more thinking family care if they don't I do
No more being used but being more resourceful
Starting over is hard but once it's going on things seem much better

I've been writing poems for friends and getting a different response from what I normally get. It feels great to share writing lyric for this music project for friends but I might just do my own solo project.
It feels good to get it out and be understood instead of being looked at like a ******. To be heard and supported feels great most of the time I'm fighting to be different it feels right for once.
I've been told I have talent but I do it so much I don't always see it. Focused on achieving my goal working hard in jujitsu and writing to make sense of my confusion.
Playing with my guitar trying to put music to my words create riffs come up with my own sound.

Working hard for this moment been doing it for sometime
All the uphill battles others giving you a hard time
Do it because its my passion living my life old fashion
Keep telling you "NO" makes you want it more
Sometimes you question if you have it anymore
The time to shine will it be mine
Called a loser but focused on success
Talk like you a champ focused on being the best
Write out those thoughts
Tired of being an emotionless droid robot
Time to make it take that winning buzzer shot.

Gagging camt breathe
Take time to rest
Body shows pain
Cough up blood
Taste in the mouth
Skin becomes rough
Hair gains a shade of white
Muscle turns to fat
Trapped in a body of age
Work hard to obtain health
Earache pain hard to fake
Stub a toe walk with a lip
Trauma to the body echoes
Up all night fight to stay up
Sleep most of the day
No rest but pain
Only bad memories remain

fall down get back up
punch to the mouth wont
silence what i have to say
my eyes will not look the othe way
when it comes to wrong
i dont cheat even if you accuse me
you will not belittle my character
because your insecure
i stand tall speak the truth
do what right stand up fight the good fight
never change for anyone be yourself always
since you are all you have in this world
stay true even of you get beaten black and blue
this is the code remain the same moral
live by a code

Out and about enjoying nature
Fresh morning scent
Ripples on the lake
Refreshing breeze
Put bail on the hook
Cast you line
Feel a tug and pull
Reel in you catch
Came up short
Try again catching a fish
Well worth the wait
The fish are not biting
Out enjoying the sight
Call it a day make a day of it
Head home clear of mind
Fish swim away
You'll catch them another day

My family has music in our blood
My grandpa lead singer and bassist in his band
An uncle who plays keyboard
A cousin who djs another cousin who plays drums
Ive tried starting bands working on solo projects
Lyrics and sounds I cant replicate from my mind to others ears
I know the counts got the tempos I just want everything to mesh together
I realize ill never move up at work they cut managers and leads
So I really need to do something with my writing

Tired of hating myself and you don't care
Love myself more and you hate that
Oppose me because you oppose everyone else
I don't kiss *** or make others look bad to be accepted
I don't need negative tension or negative vibes from ppl who don't like me
Take that else where you'll find no one gives a **** it bothers
it's not our false you dk how to express yourself
Not into what you have to say got better things to do with my day
You could be a bully but your not getting your way with me
Ill be better as you get worse
make it seem like your actions are pardon because others have done worse
Breaking free of the curse your words mean nothing
I'm destine to be something much more
All your hate is easy to ignore

I started writing
I got asked what I was writing
I told them my life
Oh so you're writing a comedy
I joked yeah it was suppose to be a suicide letter
But it became my biography
Everytime others ask I give them a different story
I write monologue for my standup routine
No one gets the joke
I wonder if they are listening
When I'm serious I get a laugh
When I joke they take me serious
Writing is my outlet
Hoping one day I might be understood

Every story ends in heartache
There's no story book ending
The end means death
The guy doesn't always get the girl
While the girl can't save the bad guy
Every story is good going bad
Or the story is bad getting better
You love her from a distance
She loves him the way you feel for him
Different crowds not even in the same circle
Rich no reason to ***** life is whatever
Poor try to survive live a normal life

the burdens that grasp your heart
you escape no lone apart of you
find out the truth buried in lies
you heart beat free
no more pain deep inside
stand tall no more false pride
you live for justice
no more giving into the oppression
who you are is all you know
not what they make you out to be
they say no but you demand more
to be the best possible for the future
see what is right stand tall and fight
never lose track of what is right
you are born free you live free most of all die free
freedom is the wind blowing in your face
brightness of your face lighting up the day
free speech free love don't give up on anyone of the above

Sitting alone listening to music
Typing it out getting it out of my system
Eyes judgement full of disgust
Not buying or believing the bs
I'm doing my own not worried about yours
Mindin my business not trying to get caught
You talk about everyone else nothing going on with you
Drama and trouble all that's important is the truth
Not trying to prove myself I've already done it
Venting but I've said too much maybe not enough
Feeling the change within not going back
Already know don't tell me how to act
Im doing good your the one who overreacts

Make way for today
Love is in the air
All of a sudden everyone cares
Do it right all year
Don't stress today
You'll find true love one day
Don't feel like a reject
All year long you neglect and reject others
Today you realize your alone
Respect and trust before giving love
Your special in someone's eyes they haven't open them on you
Love yourself eventually someone else
Your day v-day