Reading to be entertained
Another new comic to the collection
Working to get ahead become a boss
Write to express my feelings
Music to stimule the mind
The gym to tune up the body
Drawing to create my logo
My symbol of rebellion

I don't fear death I feel dead inside. I've changed my way of living the person I use to be us gone I no longer care to drink or get the urge to do so.
I've learned to deal with my emotions instead of drown them out. I wish I could say whatever but can't someone is always on my case trying to justify they are right when I disagree.
I'm my own individual but no one wants me to shine for that. I'm not popular but know I could bust my *** to new levels other think its hand to me but its not time and time again I prove myself worthy.
I'm not starting over or stepping aside too many time others mistake my kindness for weakness. Ppl treat me like I'm worthless but they are useless to all this false talk and promise not honoring your word get the heck out of here you leading misleading  ****

Made it through th 2nd job interview one more. I hope I get this job after all I went through. I've been good and hope things get better. Sometimes things are not what you imagine but being able to grasp and hold on makes things worth while.
I've been writing and trying to escape this writers block I want to say it but saying it with impact is the best way to go.
Thinking about why things got ******* up but focused on the good and change coming my way plus my bday is a week away the one day that makes me happy the most every yeah. I've been good and deserve better thankful for things coming my way.

From on the edge to straight edge
Obsessing over what failed
Thinking of ways to change the outcome
Letting go starting a new
The ending imagined never came true
Denial ridden need the cure over being immune
writing clears the system
Not caring anymore
See the change feel it within
No more letting others take you for granted

the concept pf love doesnt make sense to me
Lust is mistaken for love now adays
I think about her only its life
You cant get her back like in the movies
My heart was emotionally unavailable until I met her
I opened up and she rejected me
It hurt because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her
She had other plans which had nothing to fo with me
Ive moved on but find myself thinking about her
I see other girls who remind me of her
I wonder if she thinks of me
I cross her number id call but dk if shell answer
Id send a text will she respond
Ive been looking else where for love but I want her
I feared commitment and went for it
Now things are different I want them to be the same
Its been a month since we have spoken

Writing makes my heart race
Clears my mind so I won't overthink
I'd rather do that than drink
Not crying over the ex focused on what's next
Working hard to reach my goals
Stay consistent in the gym be better physically
Speak the truth for change over all the lies
Work to move up that's hard when they are cutting higher opportunity.
Living straight edge lifestyle too many consumed by burdens living with guilt
I'm not perfect but I'd rather do it right over learning from mistakes
Healing scars from those life lessons
Do it already stop thinking and obsessing

Everyday is a new day loving the change
Not the person you remember
Being more like me and better
Broke free of the pain
Lots of positive gain
I don't hate you but treasure the good times
You don't know me so why do you hate me
You hurt me and mad because I refuse to let your lies phase
I'll always be better even when you think you have me beat
Not sitting around crying waiting for you to return
Having trust in you is the 3rd degree burn

Rely on bad habits
Need to do wrong to feel right
Feelings of the heart begin to sink
Confused not sure how to feel or think
Confrontation leads to destruction
Mouth bites the lip
Taste of blood on the tongue
Staying calm not trying to trip
find loop holes to jump through
No one wants the truth
Told not to lie be honest
Undermine others in protest
Speak to escape being a moving target
Rivals hold fire but aim for the ****
Removing labels others placed
Never true only if others knew
No need to be what others say
Be you and the phonies fade away

Been a hermit not going out of my way at work
Been talking to girls but not consistant
Not trying to hear drama ppls sad stories and drama ruin my day
Ive been reading and writing feels like something is missing
Tired of being a victim of others frustrations
If I dont say anything others assume im mad
Sometimes iI take time for myself its overwhelming
Others tell me their struggle and i wish i could help sometimes i cant do anything
Awesome ppl consumed with emotions that are left from a previous relationship
Or not taking risks pursue the dream
It ***** to be going in another direction
Instead of being on the path youd like to be on
Its never too far it doesn't hurt to try

Family court family verdict everyone on trial
You want wild stop acting like a child
Egos battle collide going down no need to hide
Holla at the girl she wants a ride
Go all the way keep Pursing regardless of what they say or think
Everyone changes their mind in the blink
Never appears to be what you think
Some bs might lead others to drink
Messed up more messed up faces
Everything is a phase you grow and rise
Until you try there's no surprise
Not listening to lies
Or giving in being the last that cries

In a perfect world things would fall into place
We should be together instead of figuring it out
I have a place for you in my heart
Even if you aren't ready there's no rush
I've learned to trust respect myself not looking for a lust
I've grown and feel I can't go back down
Let's move forward not looking back
Pursue what's right for the heart
Not giving up happiness means more let's not fall apart
Thought id never find love but something about you woke my numb spirit

Cold touch no more love
Hatred bass in the voice
Silent treatment does no favors
Strength brings the weak
Pent up frustration goes on for too long
Too strong won't shed a tear
Show emotions be weak
What it takes to be or seen as human
Down and damaged disgusted faces
Past you by judging like that couldn't be them
In there moment of doubt
Minded your own kept out
Stupid ****** expressions
Getting rewarded didn't do right but given more

That good night kiss
I really do miss
Made it easy for me to sleep
Now a days I'm a creep
Waking up next to her made my morning
Now I sleep on life is boring
I might not know love
But have many love stories
They are the past but in my heart historic stories with rich history
Going home **** because she's not there
The reason I looked forward to going home
Not seeing you name or hearing your voice on the phone

Moving through the motions the voice within
Screams to set the record straight
Keep pure love is strong true to the heart
Don't turn to hate blinds you from fate
Tired of living and settling with hate
Rise to the top feels the world is against to you
Be a man stand alone face the problem
Stare back with fired passion lit eyes
No more bad habits change for the good
Be better and stronger stand up for your moral beliefs

Working hard hoping to move up
I refuse to let up I feel like giving up
I'd rather work the be broke
Find time to train before and after
Things that hurt me are no longer around
Not letting anything keep me down
I got hurt trying to love someone who didn't care about me
I found true love in my gym routine
Heavy weights that make me sore and sweat
Cardio machines that I get on so I can get some reading done
Getting extra hours at work hoping one day
I'll be better off instead of getting by
Being strong hold my tears in not going to cry
I've encounter many people not sure who to trust
Wild women fast and easy lushes
I'm over that life not trying to lust
I feel alone but on the right path
Being myself not letting anyone influence my progress

Laying on your back starring at the ceiling
Feeling nothing with a blank expression
Not need but feel close to it barely surviving
Hard to move nerves firing with burning pain
Struggle to speak because it's all in the mind

Thinking of how people used me and betrayed me but the worse double cross is from family your own blood choosing bad habits and lieing to those who live them.
My cousin is a drug addict his habits have made him become someone I thought I knew. He's always scratching never sleeps he's burned so many people and stole I never thought he'd cross that line with me.
It sickens me to know others see drugs more important than family. It hit me deep struck a nerve to know I can't do anything he has to want to change I'm not forcing it.
I don't want to give up but I'll stay away because I don't want to get hurt again or know if I can ever trust.
This kid was suppose to go to the navy but he's out doing drugs wasting time its not my life but its hard to watch.

Four walls become a cell
Hard to breath
Plan to escape
Once out not sure where to go
Thoughts of no home
Eyes burn in the light
Close them and think
Hate has grown not
Tired of being alone
Heart of stone
Emotions colds as ice
Escape the weak
Strong and bold
Will not fold under pressure

dont say anything if you cant follow through
dont make promises if you plan to break them
talk is cheap actions impact others
be a friend throuh thick and thin
why say i love you and show no love
too many times manipulated by change
turns out sme stay the same
lies will never be true they blend in with fantasties
all you do is lie believe the bs that comes from your mouth
claim to have respect but show those close disrespect
may fool others but those you hurt know the truth
need favors there you are
things are well no where to be found
honor makes you a persn one can love and respect
neglect those and theyll suspect the worse
words to live by words to honor

Somedays hard to write
Everything needs the light to be visible
Create make sense harder than being self destructive
The tears dont flow but stress builds up
Mind draws a blank no ideas or visual
Don't care to be normal must have a random twist
Writing should be remember
The reader saying I could only imagine this
Of feel the emotions through the words
Doesn't always feel right but makes sense
Current events collect in the mind eventually
Become fuel to the fire keep it burning
Rants to be heard doesn't mean the madness is cured

A leader does kore than most
Willing to stand out from the pack
Sometimes the pack opposes you for wanting it more
You speak up and refuse to be silent but call them on things
You by example while others try to make an example of you
Sometime you break through but those you fight for try setting you back
Youre their strength  because they shareed their weakness
Not using it against them they'll use you as a stepping stone
You help them while they serve you betrayal
The fearless looks past it all to get the job done with or without help

Put it out of course others have doubts
Twist and turn the meaning of words
Right or wrong it needed to be said
Real emotions cantle expressed
Too many jerks shut down the topic
Accuse or trying to understand
Try not to be sensitive but feel dumb
Rude bullies talk like they know but have no clue
Emotions beat black and blue
Thoughts to strike overeact that the trigger to help them win
Loss of temper feels like a sin
Mouth burns a hole in their heart
Can't handle the lynch they started on others
Being honest is the code
Truth is cold not trying to hold on
Or give them the upper hand
Thumbs down check them no more messing around

Always worrying about things I left
Always a coach at heart I worry about ex players and if they are growing in the sport.
I worry for my friends hoping their partner is treating them right!
I miss training my gym team I wish they'd carry on but they give up without my supervision.
I do my best to be an example I don't need others making an example of me.
I hope the ones I love could do right but tend to hide out doing wrong in the blind spots.
I did my workout not happy with the results I expect more from myself.
I'm not where I'd like to be since I make time to help those stuck in a struggle.
I don't get help or ask for the help but make it work.
I don't have the best but truely want that for myself.
Not afraid of risks or to fail I've been at the bottom and top

Forget the old start a new I see others admire you when your attention is else where
Im glad everyone has that same im going to change attitude even if its for a day.
Everyone has a quest and journey sometimes other factors have a rush but stay focus.
Target those unfinished projects
Start those things on the back of your mind
Ive been good ive been better not settling for less
Turn all the what ifs into at least I tried
Every experience has good or bad you gain from just depends on how you use it.

You do me anymore I see your doing the same
Looks like your doing I hoped you'd be doing better
Don't like to be around everything picks up where we left off
You left me out now you saying I walked out
Now you insulted me with your false pride
I thought we were equal not giving you a ride
Slap a label with your name against mine
Get off my coach tail I wanted to be a team
It was always about you never about anyone else
You kept trying to keep me down out of respect I let you
Now I'm on your level even though you had no confidence in my skills
Never wanted your job just wanted feel like I belong
I've grown on my own dont try to take me under your wing
I've done so much on my own you act like I owe you or need your approval
Got to make my on way no more thinking family care if they don't I do
No more being used but being more resourceful
Starting over is hard but once it's going on things seem much better

Trying to forget you make me remember you more
Idk what to say so I can make the wrong right
Id like to start over the times when you came over
If you stayed over it made my night feeling alright
Id like forgiveness let's not fight
We use to be close and tight

Moved up to the next level
Still on the bottom
Aiming for the top
Proving myself all the time
Doing it for me not anyone else

Over the thought of you
Everything was never true
So stubborn ignore the clues
Hoping you'd change not happening anytime soon
Life fuels ip with hate and rage no more you
Thinking clear set the record straight
No sense of time always late for others
Friends have families fallen brothers
Not sure how to love take the next best thing
Move towards real love don't be fake!
She use to love you but there's no more faith
In her heart why be around she brings you down
Smiles with other gives you ***** looks
You'll only find imaginary love in books

Out and about enjoying nature
Fresh morning scent
Ripples on the lake
Refreshing breeze
Put bail on the hook
Cast you line
Feel a tug and pull
Reel in you catch
Came up short
Try again catching a fish
Well worth the wait
The fish are not biting
Out enjoying the sight
Call it a day make a day of it
Head home clear of mind
Fish swim away
You'll catch them another day

Every story ends in heartache
There's no story book ending
The end means death
The guy doesn't always get the girl
While the girl can't save the bad guy
Every story is good going bad
Or the story is bad getting better
You love her from a distance
She loves him the way you feel for him
Different crowds not even in the same circle
Rich no reason to ***** life is whatever
Poor try to survive live a normal life

Had a talk with an aunt it was resourceful. Idk why things are the way they are but that's the way things play out! I can't change ppl but for some reason they have the urge to try and change me.
I see things different but others try to negative reinforcement me to do or be someone I'm not. I think it's foolish that my elder don't know better they do but choose not to do so.
I made my choice I've learned to not set myself up for disappointment and not get caught up in the drama. I'm trying but learned my opinion won't always be valued and heard that's okay because one day. Ill know and have to do it myself I'm always prepared for the worse.
New mind set is refreshing not everyone is out yo get me but I've learned to be open and honest with others. I don't like my words warped but it happens being able to express myself feels better than bottling up my emotions. I dislike being correct or told I'm wrong especially when it's something I've been doing sometime. Show how to do it right if not then don't criticize. I'm really trying but no one believes me being called a liar is insulting. I can't stay around too long so I have to keep moving instead of waiting and feeling held back and useless

the burdens that grasp your heart
you escape no lone apart of you
find out the truth buried in lies
you heart beat free
no more pain deep inside
stand tall no more false pride
you live for justice
no more giving into the oppression
who you are is all you know
not what they make you out to be
they say no but you demand more
to be the best possible for the future
see what is right stand tall and fight
never lose track of what is right
you are born free you live free most of all die free
freedom is the wind blowing in your face
brightness of your face lighting up the day
free speech free love don't give up on anyone of the above

Sit out under the trees in front of the house
The bench I sit feel the cold night breeze
The moonlight reflects casting light making shadows
Spiders drop from the tree branches
See the moon through the tree branches
Open patches through the leafs
Think about life reflect moments and store
The quiet tension sets the mood the smell of moist in the air
Feel the mood of the moon the quiet night
Fresh until you feel the bugs bite
Relax feel you could sleep in peace for the rest of the night
Thankful for the tree accepts me and let's me be

On the train going home an eleven hour ride
Could be a drain on the body. Thinking about all the things that matter
Mind is focused while the heart wants more
Wrote deep thoughts in lyrics
Thinking of ways to be open
Don't want to be judged or feel obligated
Only want true love but no one to be true
Or show me love
Easy to open up sexually than for a person to open their heart
Too many times lust is mistaken for love
Mixed signs emotions hard to let go
But staying the pain starts to show
Stay and love me or you could hate me but you have to go
If it feels right you'll show me love
If you truly love you'll treat one another
Equal do it right not trying to fight
I'll fight for you but don't pick a fight
I'll defend you but don't offend me
Well figure it out together give me a choice

I think of revenge when I should focus on being awesome
The ppl who never gave me the time of day
Or the ones who wasted my time
The ppl who lied or made feel I wasn't who I thought Or saw myself being
It's frustrating who my family wants me to be about them
But don't give a **** when it's anyone else
I've gone out of my way efforts belittled
Not appreciated because I can't live up to their standards
They can't even live up to their own standard
They want you to be at your best but they can't even be at theirs
Tired of double standards and contradiction
I'm angered by it I call them on it they soil my noble name with lies and my side of the story is never heard.

I'm here and you ate there
We formed a love that was kept apart
Opposite sides of the state
Goon places without our mate
The time together was great
Not meant to be
Love started in person
Phone kept us connected
But it all ended during one phone call
I could not be there
so you replaced me with someone else
A future we talked
But all was spoken faded into nothing
Two people separate world
Made they could be in one
Maybe that would bring them together
Now it's over hopefully for the better
No more letters in the mail

Learning to forgoe tired of being *******
I don't like rude ppls disrespectful remarks
Don't judge me because of what someone else saidw
Get to know a person before coming to a conclusions
I've give may chances so now I stay away
It feels when I don't want to bother there they are
Things don't make sense but I stay real true to what the heart knows
I'm older know what I want and expect from myself.
Don't bully or mock if you need something just ask
Tell your story it's not your business to talk about others
Ready for the day hope its full of benefits to reek of

i found other to be repulsive
but accept them with ever flaw
they speak my name like a claw in my back
not worthy of being spoke from my mouth
i live with the guilt but own up to my flaws
others pass judgement without making sure they free of sin
i will not argue because never started this or expecting to win
my name mixed with yours is like a stain on white
you feel the urge to belittle my character
my blood does bol but i become mind numb
lossing respect and feelings how to inner act with your shady ways

I was starting to catch feelings
Turns out you weren't right for me
Moving on without you
I felt connected now we are distant
Overtime my feelings fade I craved her to be around
The days off missing you are over
The days of reaching out and being lead on end
Start new not saving a place for you in my heart
You go away I wish you the best
I want and wish for better I deserve love things feel right and natural

Music always took him away while he wrote
The beats and melodies set a tone that tapped into the heart
His soul felt free because he was able to express his emotions
Sometimes he felt alone but able to relation unlike most he could express himself be helpful
He was never about himself always wondering if others felt or going through similar emotions.
Sometimes he felt whole and things were right
Other times he felt shattered within and losing his grip on reality
The music and writing went together it felt more natural.
He asked his heart and let it have a moment
The mind trying to sync up with the body and soul
Find balance restore recharge from all the wildness that came from everywhere

Don't make others feel bad
For the mistakes you made
Knocked her up got married
Didn't want to bring a ******* kid into the world
Don't even love one another rushed into bs
Live solo life enjoying single living
Drank for fun you drank to avoid drama
Now sober living keep bring up the pass
Two friends different paths
One wild young free
The other enslaved to a wife has no say
She hates me prolly cheating on you anyway
Blame guilt not ready don't want the mess on your hands
Single life not going to settle down time will come till then not living in denial

Happy for change even though things are beyond my control
Over the heartache feeling like me again
True friends stay while fakes bs comes to an end
Im learning to mind my mouth since my crazy thinking is too much for others.
Everyone set in their ways respect my choices
My mouth gets me in trouble so I cant voice my opinion.

Get it all out through writing staying sane peace win
Evil thought come out holding them in is a sin
Burn you up inside something you live with not trying to be implosive
Unexpressed emotions could be explosive
A struggle within caused by hypocrites
Be yourself don't let them win they want to play mind game
Give them a piece if mind mind their own business
Not getting a rise or getting hate too late for the comment
Quick to point out stuff already living or going on why is it wrong now all of a sudden
You want to hurt others that you must be bored your power is like an unplugged extension cord

This love was broken from the start
The world around you falls apart
Cheating ways and lovely days
Gone too far now stay away
Restoring love not an option
Like an outcast no going back
Make it else others react
With or without seeking outcome
Never forget who you are and where your from
Stay you late moments lives on
With time it all begins to fade
Your evil ways trying not to hate
Manipulation doesn't work
The world you know taste of decay

In my room I feel safe
I protect my heart from being hurt
Not tall accept in short
My eye lashes long give me beauty
my smile goofy makes someone's day
Love yourself before you love anyone else
change because you want
not because they told you
Critics judge try to fix you
because they can't re-invent themselves
Be happy do what feels right and nature
Be open dont shutdown or be closed off
Be secure with who you are

I wish I could write happy endings but its not over till my heart stops and buried in the ground
I enjoy those pleasant moments but they are quickly ended by deceit
Learning to trust is hard after years of betrayal
Im happier than most I worked with what I have
others are blessed given everything and its not enough
Ive been told im great and deserve more respect
I keep giving even when things go wrong
Keep busy I dont like to sit around thinking how to make things right if it was meant to be things would still be going on

I've been writing poems for friends and getting a different response from what I normally get. It feels great to share writing lyric for this music project for friends but I might just do my own solo project.
It feels good to get it out and be understood instead of being looked at like a ******. To be heard and supported feels great most of the time I'm fighting to be different it feels right for once.
I've been told I have talent but I do it so much I don't always see it. Focused on achieving my goal working hard in jujitsu and writing to make sense of my confusion.
Playing with my guitar trying to put music to my words create riffs come up with my own sound.

fall down get back up
punch to the mouth wont
silence what i have to say
my eyes will not look the othe way
when it comes to wrong
i dont cheat even if you accuse me
you will not belittle my character
because your insecure
i stand tall speak the truth
do what right stand up fight the good fight
never change for anyone be yourself always
since you are all you have in this world
stay true even of you get beaten black and blue
this is the code remain the same moral
live by a code

Tryin not to lose it stay true to myself
Wasn't meant to be refuse to see the truth
Living in denial not taking lies the extra mile
Loyal but still seen as a flirt
Accused of being someone I'm not
Just being not changing for anyone
Just changing to be better
Not trying to go back
Be me and brand new
Mind my own so I'm seen as cruel
Id like things to be the same
Don't even know your last name
I'm not playing games with love
Be true or be on your way
I wish you'd stay be my girl
I want to be your man

My family has music in our blood
My grandpa lead singer and bassist in his band
An uncle who plays keyboard
A cousin who djs another cousin who plays drums
Ive tried starting bands working on solo projects
Lyrics and sounds I cant replicate from my mind to others ears
I know the counts got the tempos I just want everything to mesh together
I realize ill never move up at work they cut managers and leads
So I really need to do something with my writing