I'm not that guy you remember I've changed over the years. I said sorry it wasn't enough. I got sober for me but did change my behavior. I've made mistakes but learned to forgive myself holding on to that crushed my spirit.
I tried to make it right but made it worse. I've learned to walk away from things and cut certain family members off. I'll always love them but they are constantly knocking me or trying to bring out the worse.
I've done good but you hold my mistakes over my head when you've done worse. I'm not playing the blame game or going to strike back because you'll play the victim. That flapping mouth will backfire only a matter of time.

Wanting forbidden love
Showing love getting none back
No longer associating with Haters
Loved a cheater don't blame yourself
Young love mistakes made
Fake friends you seen the truth
Sometimes you have to start over
It doesn't mean you've lost
People come and go like the season
Start a new chapter keep the story moving
Its a cleared path to something better

She claimed to love him
Now she denies knowing him
Acting like it never happened
Hiding a secret like it's *****
He loved her but didn't know
How to say it didn't want to rush
Feared she turn him away
Shut him down she already did
A loving smile to a cold emotionless stare
From a warm touch to lifeless vibe

He woke up early it was dark out. Drove out to the lake picked a spot. Put bait on his hook and cast out his line into the water. He waited for a fish to bite. He put on music through his ear buds and waiting for a tug so that he could reel it in. Taking in the scene staying calm trying to relax.
Thinking about life how he could've done things differently. How he could improve thinking too much staying positive that a fish would snap and tug biting the bate.
Sitting in the darkness as the like came out lighting up the day. He watched his reel that was locked in place then a light tug would get stronger rattling the pole. He began to feel it in slow not fighting since it might snap his line. He resistance began to lighten up reeling it in he could see the fish circling reeling it in closer pulling it out of the water grabbing it by the mouth. Glad to make the catch taking the light and hook out of the fish mouth then quick to release it back into the water.
A catch made such a rewarding positive day. The mind rejuvenated and emotional satisfaction after a day on the lake.

He elevated his feet so the swelling could go down
Frustrated because the transplant
He wants has yet to happen
Feeling discouraged about his life
Questioning his faith still believing
Watching the world series wanting Texas to win
But Arizona was a growing franchise
Kind of against it mild resentment
Because it's where the transplant will take place
Those calls get his hopes up and leave him disappointed
His love for everyone was strong
Thankful for his support group
Things were going strong in motion
Now they just stopped and slowing down
A year to get on the transplant list
Now 3 months on the list 2 calls of possible donors

The girl next door everyone liked her so you had no interest. Pretending not to care but there was emotions that remained hidden. She seemed to like everyone expect you. You heard her complain about her bf and going back to the exes that continued to hurt her.
You got hurt because there was nothing you could do. Acting on those urges would lead to losing her as a friend. Felt like everything went wrong trying to protect her. Eventually you fade out focused on those rare good times. That brought joy from a tough child hood. Memories faded away moving hard to do but became second nature.

Family is tough but that love is real. Cousins get mad and worry for you. Told not to cry, don't be a *****. As we grow older it's hard to express yourself. Show emotions to your partner. Life should get easier but childhood habits complicate things.
Always looked up to them and ended up disappointed telling yourself to be better. Do better seeking a role model not another don't be like that life lesson. Open to grow change for the better life is full of lessons Be open to grow and learn.
Only if it was easy to unlearn and relearn these bad habits that have been normal. Always the outsider looking in. Once inside you do your best to survive. Someone is always threatened or sees you as the bad one when they've done worse. Quick to throw you under to cover their ***.

He struggled with work but didn't want to argue
They opposed him and went against then had the nerve to expect a favor
Sometimes they loved him
Other times they ignored them
He didn't care for the selective behavior
Trying to get the work done
No one communicates at all
He was over work too much drama
Just wanted to have a brew
They tested his moral compass
While they did their shady deeds
He hated it was over the insults

Not talking about anyone just expressing a concern. On how the situation, made things awkward unsettling. Determined to be right talking about everyone like it's justified. Standing alone was better than living a lie. Never been populate big on individualism would rather be different than the same.
He wasn't happy with himself he didn't expect anyone to do it.
He had to do it himself. He wasn't responsible for her happiness because she wasn't happy with her decisions. He tried but most of all tried not to blame himself.
Even though she was quick to blame him. It was easier for him to be single in than in a relationship. Not use to checking in or asking. He didn't think his actions would effect his relationship. She didn't trust him always assuming the worse while trying to be at his best. He was open to change but didn't like who he was becoming. He would take his loved ones opinions into consideration. She was never satisfied and made him feel like he wasn't good enough.
Feeling numb with the wrong person he ended it she said NO she needed to be the superior one and ended it. Trying to fix a failed relationship was tough but needed to be done.

Always willing to help others in time of need. If I ever need help, I can't rely, or depend on anyone. It's been a struggle biting my lip minding my mouth said, " your hard work, and efforts will pay off. Doing my job and trying not to stress out. Always helping family, trying to make everyone's life some what easier; while my life feels complicated. Sometimes it feels like I have no say or control.
Made time for things that matter, feels like time is running out. Don't mind doing favors but some people act like they've never been helped or like the favors done; before don't matter, or mean anything.
Don't always have anyone to talk with, or vent to that's why I write. Not one to complain everyone thinks their problems are more important than to take others into consideration. Sad to deal with these stubborn unwilling to change people.
Over being ignored and treated like no body. Once someone needs a favor all of a sudden others include thought remembered for a moment. After everyone gets their way things go back to cold, forgotten for another long moment

They made him feel small not included. That's the worse some days he felt included other days he had no clue. He didn't need it want their approval. But to be around them felt like you had to lower yourself to be liked to be accepted.
He didn't care what you owned, it's all about how you treat people. He was about the work stayed focused. All the criticism for him to get it together but they don't got it together. It's the worse feeling from a friend and family member.
These made up rules they aren't right and keep others out so they can maintain the power struggle with guilt trips.

The women he dated some stuck on an ex
Living in the past not able to move on
Another full of lust mistaken for love
Always honest with words deep with truth
Showed them love given lies never seen as an equal
Soon to be exposed the harsh reality
Mixing up names loyal to one person
Not meant to be a player seeking long term
Infatuation drained his soul not given an answer
Seeking reasons sometimes a fling becomes nothing more
His love for interracial brought shame to the family
He seen beauty in multicultural while family stuck in old traditions
Escape old ways unlearn relearn to love again
Women are not the same the ex is not the standard
Waiting thinking they'd come back they've moved on time to do the same
Weird how they come back once you've moved onto new
Doing well before you met them their chapter is over. If you reread the chapter you all ready know the outcome
Scared to get hurt holding back just open up
Need to get out there stop fearing change
Use to be social everyone is sensitive making stuff up you can't say anything

Having to stretch now that I'm older
Not healing up so much wear and tear
Onto to the next level lots of growth
Can't stay the same numb to pain
Friends become foes distant strangers
Family rivals more arguments
It's your life not about them
They can't shadow steal your thunder
Not saying a word sitting in silence
Making it easy to write fill the page
Feeling complete getting relieve Processing thoughts getting it all out

He was the bad guy because he had an idea. The funny guy wasn't laughing anymore. He had love and respect, but they had no regards for his feelings. He did all the grunt work with a smile burnt out from it all.
He didn't replace them but they were quick to fill his spot. Sad to see them go but he couldn't wait anymore. Racing the clock feeling like time was running out. Against all odds like always.
A So called friend tried to get under his skin. Trying to get a reaction he was quick to flip it call them on the crap. Show no emotions or feelings a stone face. Blocking out the pain protecting the heart.

Taking on the world is not the way
Face things that linger
In the back of your mind
Find closure in unfinished projects
Do the things that have been put on hold
Clear your mind from others insanity
Take a time out to compose your sanity
Breath in the refreshing silence
A fresh night ends in a calm pace
After a murky exhausting long day
Earning every dollar and cent at work
Head down plowing through till the end
Soothing your efforts deserved rest
Clear the mind let the body relax

Being the man taking a stand
Hiding your emotions down for yours
Not letting emotions cloud judgement
Chasing opportunity rising up
Can't stay down pursuing a dream
Lost in the technique repetitive drilling
Practice like it's real means everything
Creating with words exploring ideas
Vibrating emotions on heavy bass string
Every page taking the bleeding ink
Trying to be normal never on to fit in
An outsider looking in wondering where
Where does he fit in where does he belong

A few back on a train leaving college
A college drop out heading back home
This burden over head family criticism
The struggle to get ahead feeling stuck
Not sure how to act in a crowded room
Anything but over react with emotions
Feelings overwhelmed ready to explode
Trying to grow better this situation
Find a leveled ground steady foundation
New mindset to that shows maturity
Wiser with decisions more selective
Young and careless to responsible reliable
Failed love now chasing success
Became obsessed lost in the progress

Unfinished projects on the sidelines
Many ideas scrapped needs more details
Fear of being rejected not feeling right
Shut it down edit everything unsettling
Trying to make it better over time
Thought of change faced challenges
Different directions alternate endings
Flusterated with things need more range
Trying to see what's not meant to be

Being social trying to open up it's easier to be closed off. Working to pay bills while the thought of finishing the pursue of a degree. Being able to find balance make it work without time conflict getting worked up and burnt out.
He saw his a banner of his old college. It took him back wanting to finish but working to make a living. Wanting to use and apply the education that was being taught not just reading. You're suppose to prepare yourself but it doesn't always come natural.
Some have to work harder trying to do something no one else has done. Scared once you made it you'd have to support your loved ones. You don't expect much from anyone but they expect everything from you. You support them as they tear down your dream because life got hard or ran out of funds because surviving does matter.
Talking about this because it's been in the bottom of the heart while so many distractions cause you to get misguided in the wrong direction. Making money and making moves scared it might not be the right one. What if it's wrong instead of looking for possibilities.

Recovery is boring
Mind numbing mind pacing
Thoughts vicious cycle looping
Not able to drive asking for a ride
Trying to trust others
Can't rely on anyone
Depending on others is hard
Hate waiting on others
Not trying to argue
Keep the peace internal struggle
Trying to unite family
Everyone divided for too long

Did the work with his whole being
Didn't know what to do with it
Moments of life sharing
Help others get through
Those tough times not alone
Standing up after being down
It doesn't hurt becoming immune
Use to being ignored not bothered
Talking no one was listening
Took it as an insult not saying anything
Gave it all everything got rejected
Learned to walk away found value
From an open book to private
Now everyone fakes interest
Pretending to care not the scapegoat
Do your ***** deeds own up not blame others

Being asked "what ****** you off?" Most of the time has nothing to do with your life. It's usually the over flow that spills onto your lap. Trying to stay positive but sad to see a child neglected by a father who care more about drugs and alcohol. Visiting her father be in neglected she spends more time with everyone else.
A sweet child that's caught up in a failed relationship and her sibling in another failed relationship going through the court system for visitation. Not always the best role model but willing to help out provide some guidance and assistance

Asking questions on the mind
Wondering how it will play out
Confront the person expecting a response
Over the double standards
Taking the blame with a grain of salt
Their side becomes a debate and justified
Asking why every excuse but a reason
The silence walks away seeing the truth
No apology just turn a blind eye
Always mad spreading it to others
Talk about everyone as an inconvenience
While you burden everyone with guilt
Being the bad guy in this story is easy
All the mind games not playing
Turned into the black sheep
Denying yourself to be accepted
Is no way to live life in the shadows
Eaten up from the inside out
Didn't do anything wrong told to change
Never said anything being talked about
Having an opinion Being prosecuted
Shamed for not agreeing or going along
Trust broken violated with disrespect
Mistreated never accepting defeat

Clicks are broken grown apart
Families made starting a new
The days are long never ending
From a comfort zone to insanity
Trying to cope no reaction
Holding it all in
Not sure where to start
Starting over again
A huge fall letting go
It seeps out hard
Survive this pademic
Praying for love so much hate
So many loved ones lost
Can't pay respects
Avoiding the crowds
Be saved praying for all

He walked up to her asked her to dinner she wasn't sure turns out, she just got out of a divorce trying to figure it out. She had to get her priorities in check. He wasn't trying to rush anything but was interested. He didn't get close or open up he would make assumptions which he was wrong about. He was wrong and apologized. A new perspective and mind set on how he did things.

He felt the urge to argue. Tried not to complain but those egos kept imposing their will and way. No matter what he did he was on the outside looking in. Only considered when something was needed. He never talked about anyone, but they always talked about him.
They had way more why did the care better yet did it matter to them. They didn't help anyone, but themselves trying to control everything.

That never made since to me when a person has way more going on. And taking shots. I never seen that person as a challenge we both do our own thing.
I stay in my lane and my number got called why can't you be happy for me instead of trying to shadow my success. I had your back and supportive. It ***** you're the one trying to derail my success.  Knock my efforts. I never said anything unless asked.
I spoke the truth now you're mad because it's not what you want to here. I'll never be a yes man or let you bully me to do things your way. I've been doing my own thing if I have to deny myself to be accepted it's not worth it or my time. Too many rules that are not right. Sad how two faced a person expects you to be honest with them but will lie to your face.

His heart and soul began to grow
They couldn't dull his shine
Still growing not being limited
Trying to be himself not a product
Didn't want false mentors trying to shadow his growth
Saying they discovered him all of a sudden
When they didn't bother with him
Claiming to take him under their wing
Trying to take credit for his talent
His skills that empowered others to be great
Motivation for everyone, who was uninspired

He loved his family some he got along with while others was an argument. So much ego and pride that kept everyone divided. Everyone talks about respect with the old school vibe. Quick to through heat or shade make others look bad their decoy.
Grandma said don't let yourself to anyone once the advice was applied. he was disowned, never looked at the same. Hurting within but had to move on be better the tough love wasn't worth it anymore. He missed them but didn't like anyone talking down on him, making him feel stupid.
His grandpa told him "don't you get along with anyone" he said "yes but not taking anyone's crap" he was over terms and conditions to be accepted. Why did he have to deny himself, give up, who he is to be considered. He usually accepted most flaw and all without question. He learned to keep a distance not get involved