He didn't like to let people down but when he did he felt bad. He tried came up short hated when people he cared for looked at him like he didn't matter or he was useless. The worse feeling ever some things were out of his control he had no say. He quit flirting with drama avoiding others troubles. Fading out everything becomes a blur not the same anymore.
Just because we don't see eye to eye or agree doesn't mean there is hatred not forcing it anymore. Wasting a lot of energy with someone who's not putting forth any effort. Had an opinion because it was asked not a debate. One sided mind trying to shut you and your world down.
This life is not an option can't just pick and choose when to be involved. Full time or nothing use to selective minds trying to throw a monkey wrench in this dream.
Set goals and doing the work to be told you aren't doing it right. Can't live for two barely getting by as one.
Didn't have help working for this didn't happen right away staying strong trying not to fold growing. Refuse to close this heart off let it go cold. Working to survive while others hate trying to bury you alive.

Everyone is going through something
Some understand while others assume
Called ignorant for having an opinion
Sensitive for showing emotions
Called entitled and dismissed
Those comments stood out
Took the criticism somethings made sense
Others he questioned where it came from
A tough time and transition not taking things personal
Forgiving and moving on this isn't the first or the last time
Shouldn't be surprised all the attacks are personal
But those assumptions are the truth
Don't let toxic words influence your behavior
He liked being alone when in a mood
Didn't keep anyone out of their personal space
Some mean well others have their own evil intention
Confrontation is not worth it someone end up mad or offended
They'll hurt your feelings or hurt them
Because theirs more to the story
That ones not aware of multiple factors
That could explain or be an excuse for justification

Waking up sore not young anymore
Pushing hard fighting back
Not recovering the same
Immune to all the pain
Hustling strong to stay sane
Been broke before never again
Wide away body tired and sore
Mind racing wheels turning
Tender laying in bed trying to rest

He was a sensitive child
Being told don't cry
Stop being a *****
As he got older it got hard
Hard to express his emotions
Share his feelings with others
His mother laughed at him
The one person he trusted
Opened up to vent for peace
Took away his safe space
She took his joy broken trust
Heart shattered by laughter
Mocked his vulnerability
Hard to trust anyone
Let anyone into the closed off heart
Loved Hard to get hate back

Growing up with tough love. People being nice is genuine. some do it without terms or conditions. A whole new vibe and experience from the people who care. It feels right without it being thrown in your face or held over your head. Things are not always what they appear to be. Learned to not expect much or ask but to do it yourself if you'd truly like to make it happen.

Lies
Betrayal
Anger

How do you steal from someone and blame others
You want respect but treat others like *****
Biting my lip ready to rip you a new one, trying to make it better always embraced a solution
Why do you play the victim when you are causing the problems
Young and dumb, talking back; trying to tell your elders
I protect you all you do is disrespect, neglect those who mean well
Everyone had been through something, no one owes you anything
Usually one to pull the trigger but you pulled it first
Not one to go against friends or family they seem to come at me not expecting the double cross

Never wanted or claimed
Made his own way
At the bottom
Looking up saying one day
Trying to be more
Aiming for the top
One day be know for efforts
Hard work pays off pushing through
Missing everyone going solo
Staying strong hurting inside
Emotions hidden starting to show
Working through the bad
Hoping it turns out accordingly

He woke up early it was dark out. Drove out to the lake picked a spot. Put bait on his hook and cast out his line into the water. He waited for a fish to bite. He put on music through his ear buds and waiting for a tug so that he could reel it in. Taking in the scene staying calm trying to relax.
Thinking about life how he could've done things differently. How he could improve thinking too much staying positive that a fish would snap and tug biting the bate.
Sitting in the darkness as the like came out lighting up the day. He watched his reel that was locked in place then a light tug would get stronger rattling the pole. He began to feel it in slow not fighting since it might snap his line. He resistance began to lighten up reeling it in he could see the fish circling reeling it in closer pulling it out of the water grabbing it by the mouth. Glad to make the catch taking the light and hook out of the fish mouth then quick to release it back into the water.
A catch made such a rewarding positive day. The mind rejuvenated and emotional satisfaction after a day on the lake.

Going forward not looking back. Years of NO or set backs. Detours standing strong going forward with life. Things are better not associating with those people that knock my goals and dreams. You empowered them by lending an open ear staying away from their toxic ways and corruption that knocks your focus leaving you in doubt.
Being used and kept out is the worse way to live and allow in your life breaking free from one sided friendships. Why are you making doubt standards to be seen as the exception. Don't talk unless you are putting forth any effort.

In his culture you couldn't show emotions it was a sign of weakness. Not able to vent to anyone because they'd use it against you. Trying to hold your burdens over your head thinking they have the upper hand thinking they could manipulate your behavior.
Or didn't care to hear your sad stories not making time for your feelings and emotions. Talking about you being mean and having the nerve to ask for a favor after all that disrespect it was like a slap in the mouth.
Spreading lies sick of all the rumors the people who came at him did way worse that's why no one bothered with them. He  stayed true keeping a good head on his shoulder anything he did bothered them.
He was told "your make me look bad" not his fault they didn't try or put forth any effort.
He did the work got straight to the point there was BSing his way through. He remembered they didn't have his heart or think the way he did but he was given an opportunity taking a chance to better his situation help others in the process.

The heart of a warrior fighting through. Always a struggle to get by. Use to talk smack seen it like a rap battle. Can't say anything without words getting twisted. Made out to be the bad guy. Always thinking holding back the words.
Some are wrong still talking like if they in it for everyone. Only their own selfish gain. Holding back to keep the peace while they make everyone unsettle and uncomfortable.

They made him feel small not included. That's the worse some days he felt included other days he had no clue. He didn't need it want their approval. But to be around them felt like you had to lower yourself to be liked to be accepted.
He didn't care what you owned, it's all about how you treat people. He was about the work stayed focused. All the criticism for him to get it together but they don't got it together. It's the worse feeling from a friend and family member.
These made up rules they aren't right and keep others out so they can maintain the power struggle with guilt trips.

He was called a narcissistic because he didn't agree or was not giving these cruel people their way. They changed the narrative he kept to himself. The relationship was over why did his ex make false remarks. It was over she wanted more that was impossible for him to provide. It was overwhelming never good enough.
He knew she'd never be happy with him. It made him miserable denying himself feeling neglected by the one person that would ruin his day because things didn't go accordingly all he wanted was to be happy.
Be with someone he could trust be himself with out regret or doubt. He wasn't materialistic. His status would never be accepted or seen as an equal. Being told how to act and be made him numb hating himself because all the changing left him feeling like a shell of the old. The new was killing the old

He shared his pain not inflicting it
Hoping others would understand
Been an outcast not meant to fit in
Many people suffering over the past
Not always going to have a say
Make the most of things
No control beyond your grasp
Take on what matters worth your time
Pick your battles wisely
Not always emotionally invested
Hard to get attached or close
Free from the bad focused on the good

He elevated his feet so the swelling could go down
Frustrated because the transplant
He wants has yet to happen
Feeling discouraged about his life
Questioning his faith still believing
Watching the world series wanting Texas to win
But Arizona was a growing franchise
Kind of against it mild resentment
Because it's where the transplant will take place
Those calls get his hopes up and leave him disappointed
His love for everyone was strong
Thankful for his support group
Things were going strong in motion
Now they just stopped and slowing down
A year to get on the transplant list
Now 3 months on the list 2 calls of possible donors

Not about being right or wrong
How you treat others in a disagreement
Don't alienate slander their character
Not able to influence or manipulate
So you try to turn others on them
The person is use to being alone
Being excluded for being different
Not losing faith going all out
Letting others dictate your faye
People come and go like seasons
Loyal is closer than blood
Respect take you farther than chaos
No one is talking about you
Stop talking about others
Putting them on blast it's not your life
You're not helping anyone making it worse
You're not doing anything for anyone
So you make others look bad
Count your blessing be thankful
Stop making an example of others
A mouth of lies leads to ears that can't heard
Shutting people down for having an opinion
Knocking them doesn't make you right

He didn't give into the personal attacks they expected him to overreact or make a fuss. He never said anything about anyone. They gave him an ear full. He was sorry he couldn't live up to their demands and expectation he moved on with his life. Thankful for the talk and motivation.
He didn't always fit in but he gave his all took pride in whatever he was doing. He was anxious and more determined. To get it right do it his way since he didn't always have a choice or a say. He found joy outside of work ready to take step make moves in the right direction pursuing everything that he neglected without others interference/influence he knew the hard part was starting and staying on track.

Not talking again one is clearly in the wrong
Pride is getting the best of them
One asked a question the other didn't like his opinion
A conversation he had with his parents
Excluding a family member wasn't right
Talking about made everyone uncomfortable
Holding a grudge doesn't make you a better person
Being two faced while using people for your selfish gain
Playing victim to justify your actions doesn't work

Always helping others
End up ******* over
Didn't get the job hardest worker
Wasn't good enough gave it all
The girl chose someone else
Felt lead on given false hope
Betrayed by so-called friends
Over a girl who was never loyal
Others quick to blame than own up
Cant vent or talk to anyone
Writing to make sense of the insanity

Recovery is boring
Mind numbing mind pacing
Thoughts vicious cycle looping
Not able to drive asking for a ride
Trying to trust others
Can't rely on anyone
Depending on others is hard
Hate waiting on others
Not trying to argue
Keep the peace internal struggle
Trying to unite family
Everyone divided for too long

Taking on the world is not the way
Face things that linger
In the back of your mind
Find closure in unfinished projects
Do the things that have been put on hold
Clear your mind from others insanity
Take a time out to compose your sanity
Breath in the refreshing silence
A fresh night ends in a calm pace
After a murky exhausting long day
Earning every dollar and cent at work
Head down plowing through till the end
Soothing your efforts deserved rest
Clear the mind let the body relax

Talking about getting paid prior to the transplant he knew it would be temporary. He had to bounce back quick. He didn't want anyone taking care of him or have to rely on anyone. Minding his mouth because if he said something wrong it would cause his caretaker to act differently.
He needed a ride for appointments but asking felt like begging. Interrupting that person's day made it feel like an inconvenience. Some people see an apology like submitting. While others see peace and closure. Hoping to move on be normal things will never be the same.
It's better to move on and stay away.
He was ready to bounce back from the surgery. Worried about being tired seemed to always tired. Afraid to be alone while use to it. Being a college drop out really complicated things. His mind wanted to finish what he started. Trying to find a balance.

He was tired and sore tired of everyone talking about everyone. He gave his all while others act like they do everything acting like they help everyone. Its for their own selfish gain. Doing way more than the person running their mouth.
He didn't care for all these made up rules others made. Be this way do that and they don't even do it. A bunch of noise being made that doesn't help others benefit. He just focused on the work he didn't care about gossip or work politics.
He was thankful and grateful for his job. It was very demanding. He busted his **** took pride in his work. He didn't speak Spanish so he got the 3rd degree. Being Mexican born in the US they see you as privileged and lazy.
He did those impossible jobs and jobs no one wanted to do.

Having to stretch now that I'm older
Not healing up so much wear and tear
Onto to the next level lots of growth
Can't stay the same numb to pain
Friends become foes distant strangers
Family rivals more arguments
It's your life not about them
They can't shadow steal your thunder
Not saying a word sitting in silence
Making it easy to write fill the page
Feeling complete getting relieve Processing thoughts getting it all out

Thinking of ways writing like life is a matter of life and death. Slowed down because of burning out. Rushed missed things on the way trying to get ahead barely coming out even.
A late starter trying to make up for being behind. Always taking a risk caught up in the mix. Dating all the wrong women learned the less. Thankful for the moments focused on the good over the bad.
Working jobs trying to learn as much as possible to get it done. Can't rely or trust anyone have to step it up to finish.
Lost friends along the way, some couldn't be single in bad relationships.
Having a family leaving friendships in the past; focused on their kids the future.
Didn't understand before but everything makes sense now.

Too strong showing no emotions
Those feelings going numb
So much betrayal from the deceitful
He couldn't look at them anymore
Never the same there's no going back
On a lonely journey chasing a dream
Healing from trembling aches within
They made him out to be a nobody
Tarnished his rep without redemption
He didn't defend himself or he was guilty
Walked away from lies because he knew the truth and what he wanted
Tired of being buried alive just trying to live be an individual without others trying to bring him down. Like if it's their call or like their say matters

Unfinished projects on the sidelines
Many ideas scrapped needs more details
Fear of being rejected not feeling right
Shut it down edit everything unsettling
Trying to make it better over time
Thought of change faced challenges
Different directions alternate endings
Flusterated with things need more range
Trying to see what's not meant to be

He loved his family some he got along with while others was an argument. So much ego and pride that kept everyone divided. Everyone talks about respect with the old school vibe. Quick to through heat or shade make others look bad their decoy.
Grandma said don't let yourself to anyone once the advice was applied. he was disowned, never looked at the same. Hurting within but had to move on be better the tough love wasn't worth it anymore. He missed them but didn't like anyone talking down on him, making him feel stupid.
His grandpa told him "don't you get along with anyone" he said "yes but not taking anyone's crap" he was over terms and conditions to be accepted. Why did he have to deny himself, give up, who he is to be considered. He usually accepted most flaw and all without question. He learned to keep a distance not get involved