Having to stretch now that I'm older
Not healing up so much wear and tear
Onto to the next level lots of growth
Can't stay the same numb to pain
Friends become foes distant strangers
Family rivals more arguments
It's your life not about them
They can't shadow steal your thunder
Not saying a word sitting in silence
Making it easy to write fill the page
Feeling complete getting relieve Processing thoughts getting it all out

Recovery is boring
Mind numbing mind pacing
Thoughts vicious cycle looping
Not able to drive asking for a ride
Trying to trust others
Can't rely on anyone
Depending on others is hard
Hate waiting on others
Not trying to argue
Keep the peace internal struggle
Trying to unite family
Everyone divided for too long

Writers block the mind
Runs wild going numb
Emotionally stuck
Not sure how to feel
Mind slowing down
Body sore and tender
Back pain with heartaches
Hopes up left with disappointment
Gave it all left with nothing
Searching for something
Not sure what or where
It will be found somethings missing

Taking on the world is not the way
Face things that linger
In the back of your mind
Find closure in unfinished projects
Do the things that have been put on hold
Clear your mind from others insanity
Take a time out to compose your sanity
Breath in the refreshing silence
A fresh night ends in a calm pace
After a murky exhausting long day
Earning every dollar and cent at work
Head down plowing through till the end
Soothing your efforts deserved rest
Clear the mind let the body relax

He shared his pain not inflicting it
Hoping others would understand
Been an outcast not meant to fit in
Many people suffering over the past
Not always going to have a say
Make the most of things
No control beyond your grasp
Take on what matters worth your time
Pick your battles wisely
Not always emotionally invested
Hard to get attached or close
Free from the bad focused on the good

Working hard still going strong
Busting your *** over kissing it
Never be lazy that drives me crazy
Titles mean nothing do something
If your are working better to know
Than have no clue on the school
What's going on need to be in the mix
Not my crowd would rather be alone

Always willing to help others in time of need. If I ever need help, I can't rely, or depend on anyone. It's been a struggle biting my lip minding my mouth said, " your hard work, and efforts will pay off. Doing my job and trying not to stress out. Always helping family, trying to make everyone's life some what easier; while my life feels complicated. Sometimes it feels like I have no say or control.
Made time for things that matter, feels like time is running out. Don't mind doing favors but some people act like they've never been helped or like the favors done; before don't matter, or mean anything.
Don't always have anyone to talk with, or vent to that's why I write. Not one to complain everyone thinks their problems are more important than to take others into consideration. Sad to deal with these stubborn unwilling to change people.
Over being ignored and treated like no body. Once someone needs a favor all of a sudden others include thought remembered for a moment. After everyone gets their way things go back to cold, forgotten for another long moment

He loved his family some he got along with while others was an argument. So much ego and pride that kept everyone divided. Everyone talks about respect with the old school vibe. Quick to through heat or shade make others look bad their decoy.
Grandma said don't let yourself to anyone once the advice was applied. he was disowned, never looked at the same. Hurting within but had to move on be better the tough love wasn't worth it anymore. He missed them but didn't like anyone talking down on him, making him feel stupid.
His grandpa told him "don't you get along with anyone" he said "yes but not taking anyone's crap" he was over terms and conditions to be accepted. Why did he have to deny himself, give up, who he is to be considered. He usually accepted most flaw and all without question. He learned to keep a distance not get involved

He elevated his feet so the swelling could go down
Frustrated because the transplant
He wants has yet to happen
Feeling discouraged about his life
Questioning his faith still believing
Watching the world series wanting Texas to win
But Arizona was a growing franchise
Kind of against it mild resentment
Because it's where the transplant will take place
Those calls get his hopes up and leave him disappointed
His love for everyone was strong
Thankful for his support group
Things were going strong in motion
Now they just stopped and slowing down
A year to get on the transplant list
Now 3 months on the list 2 calls of possible donors

Thinking of ways writing like life is a matter of life and death. Slowed down because of burning out. Rushed missed things on the way trying to get ahead barely coming out even.
A late starter trying to make up for being behind. Always taking a risk caught up in the mix. Dating all the wrong women learned the less. Thankful for the moments focused on the good over the bad.
Working jobs trying to learn as much as possible to get it done. Can't rely or trust anyone have to step it up to finish.
Lost friends along the way, some couldn't be single in bad relationships.
Having a family leaving friendships in the past; focused on their kids the future.
Didn't understand before but everything makes sense now.

You trust them turns out they don't respect you. You know your role and place as they try to divide and conquer by turning everyone on you since they didn't get their way. You spoke up now they aren't talking to you but about you. Not trying to trigger them or give them a reason would rather be free then feel shut down defeated to be accepted.
Had their back now they are bad mouthing me behind mine. Don't care to be right easier to be alone than be around people who are never happy expecting others to change not doing anything to improve themselves.

He was the bad guy because he had an idea. The funny guy wasn't laughing anymore. He had love and respect, but they had no regards for his feelings. He did all the grunt work with a smile burnt out from it all.
He didn't replace them but they were quick to fill his spot. Sad to see them go but he couldn't wait anymore. Racing the clock feeling like time was running out. Against all odds like always.
A So called friend tried to get under his skin. Trying to get a reaction he was quick to flip it call them on the crap. Show no emotions or feelings a stone face. Blocking out the pain protecting the heart.

Unfinished projects on the sidelines
Many ideas scrapped needs more details
Fear of being rejected not feeling right
Shut it down edit everything unsettling
Trying to make it better over time
Thought of change faced challenges
Different directions alternate endings
Flusterated with things need more range
Trying to see what's not meant to be

Not talking again one is clearly in the wrong
Pride is getting the best of them
One asked a question the other didn't like his opinion
A conversation he had with his parents
Excluding a family member wasn't right
Talking about made everyone uncomfortable
Holding a grudge doesn't make you a better person
Being two faced while using people for your selfish gain
Playing victim to justify your actions doesn't work

Talking about getting paid prior to the transplant he knew it would be temporary. He had to bounce back quick. He didn't want anyone taking care of him or have to rely on anyone. Minding his mouth because if he said something wrong it would cause his caretaker to act differently.
He needed a ride for appointments but asking felt like begging. Interrupting that person's day made it feel like an inconvenience. Some people see an apology like submitting. While others see peace and closure. Hoping to move on be normal things will never be the same.
It's better to move on and stay away.
He was ready to bounce back from the surgery. Worried about being tired seemed to always tired. Afraid to be alone while use to it. Being a college drop out really complicated things. His mind wanted to finish what he started. Trying to find a balance.

Focused on work jumping more hurdles want to be free to live life not worry about others the pressure of the world. Made out to be someone else so others can act the way they do. He didn't say much but seen as stuck up. If they asked his opinion people would end up offended or mad. He has social skills so many talked bad behind his back. He dealt with the fake personas and got tired of trying to please others. Anything he said was never heard all his efforts never good enough.
He focused on what he loved and what made him happy since everyone was so complicated to him. The more he resisted the more tension came. He broke free from everyone that treated him bad. The ones who made him feel like he didn't matter. Once he broke free he felt better like he could breathe without all the burdens pressure. He couldn't live up to their standards but he didn't expect anyone to lower themselves.

Everyone is going through something
Some understand while others assume
Called ignorant for having an opinion
Sensitive for showing emotions
Called entitled and dismissed
Those comments stood out
Took the criticism somethings made sense
Others he questioned where it came from
A tough time and transition not taking things personal
Forgiving and moving on this isn't the first or the last time
Shouldn't be surprised all the attacks are personal
But those assumptions are the truth
Don't let toxic words influence your behavior
He liked being alone when in a mood
Didn't keep anyone out of their personal space
Some mean well others have their own evil intention
Confrontation is not worth it someone end up mad or offended
They'll hurt your feelings or hurt them
Because theirs more to the story
That ones not aware of multiple factors
That could explain or be an excuse for justification

Through all the lies he remained loyal
She cheated later tried to blame him
They wanted him to tell the truth
Once he did it became a debate
Being told how to act was the problem
Projecting their feelings on him
He didn't feel or think that way
Telling who to be made conflict
He minded his business
While they try to exploit him
They've done worse to others
Yet still running their mouth
He didn't want to be involved
Still coming at him like a target
He didn't agree walked away
Said nothing refuse to empower
His oppressors not giving any reason
They had way more than most
Being shady because it wasn't about them
Instead of being humble and grateful
They seen it as a platform to look down on others
He valued people not material possessions

Never wanted or claimed
Made his own way
At the bottom
Looking up saying one day
Trying to be more
Aiming for the top
One day be know for efforts
Hard work pays off pushing through
Missing everyone going solo
Staying strong hurting inside
Emotions hidden starting to show
Working through the bad
Hoping it turns out accordingly

A coworker plotting against you when you help that ungrateful person. As they go out of their way to get under your skin but they get mad that you fire back.
Always respectful and mindful but not backing down. Would walk away but this being came ready to start it while finishing them at their own game. A huge waste of time bothering letting this person act a fool that's on them.
He was tired from doing everyones work he cared more than most. Felt taken for granted he wanted to make a difference be the change that was needed.

Going forward not looking back. Years of NO or set backs. Detours standing strong going forward with life. Things are better not associating with those people that knock my goals and dreams. You empowered them by lending an open ear staying away from their toxic ways and corruption that knocks your focus leaving you in doubt.
Being used and kept out is the worse way to live and allow in your life breaking free from one sided friendships. Why are you making doubt standards to be seen as the exception. Don't talk unless you are putting forth any effort.

From analyzing everything to living in the moment. Getting away from those burdens that try to weigh you down. Doing your own thing while others are stuck in their burdens. Being consumed by misery burned out from the routine
Seeing everything as a blessing an opportunity rising up instead of letting everyone rip tear down the dream. Focused on good rather than expecting the worse. Trying to stay sharp being distracted living up to old standards that keep you at your best.

Being the voice of reason
Made him numb detach feelings
Focused on the task not the problem
He loved too much expecting equality
Ending up disappointed feeling betrayed
No one has his heart or cared as much
Usually in the back working hard
Saying how he felt got him hurt
The worse is when he catches feelings
Gets a crush on a person of interest
Never thinks the same it's complicated
Or feel the same way back

Thick skin through these tough times, it's hard, but with time they get better. Work harder instead of being all up in the drama. Lazy employees telling you NO or it's never going to happen for you. Don't be discouraged believe in yourself when others make you feel worthless.
Making it seem like what you do doesn't matter or mean anything. Sometimes it's all you know helping you progress and grow.
Being strong and tough eventually wanting to break down shed some tears take moment to compose yourself then bounce back, keep building on what's given. Making the most of things thankful for all the blessings. Tired of facing family because everyone's ego and pride is more important than blood.

Wide awake with these thoughts
Wondering will it happen or too late
Struggling socially usually witty and funny
End up being socially awkward instead
Have a mindful mouth that gets provoked
A private person don't impose your ideals
Asked for help got no response
Did what was best without guidance
Now sharing a negative opinion full of criticism
That the moment passed things got done

Sadly overworked feeling worthless
Clashing with the lead trying to right
From fun to lifeless told bad attitude
Same BS feeling burnt out
From the inside out insulted
Can't change a stubborn mind
Older gentlemen set in his ways
Spoke up seen as talking back
Carrying the load setting boundaries
Trying to make it to the end
Fading out showed love by others
One bad week feels it all slipping away
The wild one doesn't care anymore
Easier to be a rebel watching it sink
Trying to talk no one wants to listen
Now its not important anymore
Make it right focused on the wrong
Built up emotions over time seeping
Can't hide them anymore feelings hurt
An animated face showing emotions
From good to bad now it's too bad
Changing the tone ready to go
Tried to make it work it blew up hard
Took on too much came up short
Failed feeling like a **** at work
Never enough trying to find balance

Hard to forgive yourself, one of your worse critics. Willing to help others not able to put yourself first, being selfless. Hungered to get ahead tried to make it called selfish. Breaking down the walls that hide the emotions caged in wanting to get out.
Trying to show emotions without them being used as a weapon. Share feelings without them being ignored feeling disrespected. Trying to smile not be consumed by madness caused by others.

Always working for his tired of being denied
Hard to grow when everyone stays the same
Doing his thing they made it about them
Working hard to maintain an uphill bad
No one talking about anyone massive tension
Trying to stir the *** full of resentment
Able to go out not married single no kids
Not liking the guilt trip able to explore
See the world travel not feeding an ego
Not letting them dull this shine
Kills the spirit positive vibes only
Learning to cope deal with family
They'll dismiss, reject everything about you
Make differences out to be the complicated

He didn't like to let people down but when he did he felt bad. He tried came up short hated when people he cared for looked at him like he didn't matter or he was useless. The worse feeling ever some things were out of his control he had no say. He quit flirting with drama avoiding others troubles. Fading out everything becomes a blur not the same anymore.
Just because we don't see eye to eye or agree doesn't mean there is hatred not forcing it anymore. Wasting a lot of energy with someone who's not putting forth any effort. Had an opinion because it was asked not a debate. One sided mind trying to shut you and your world down.
This life is not an option can't just pick and choose when to be involved. Full time or nothing use to selective minds trying to throw a monkey wrench in this dream.
Set goals and doing the work to be told you aren't doing it right. Can't live for two barely getting by as one.
Didn't have help working for this didn't happen right away staying strong trying not to fold growing. Refuse to close this heart off let it go cold. Working to survive while others hate trying to bury you alive.

Read the Bible felt empowered
Recharged playing with the bass guitar
Writing to get this mind sharp
Keep focused on work need to keep busy
Paying medical bills invested in health
Hustling for insurance get out of debt
Stay above water learning to float
Surviving the chaos of the storm
Bobbing for air to stay alive
Not drown sink to the bottom
Trying to be normal without judgement
Always asking about my health
Older tired and slowing down
Others worried it's not helping
This health condition not an excuse
Doesn't help feeling medically discriminated