A sore body stiff joints
Pushing through an older body
Mentally blocking out the bad
Physically going through the motions
He missed them but they are gone
He's not going back to them
They are never returning to him
He let go fear free accepted
Alone is the way to be pain free
Found closure with his thoughts
His heart cages to heal
Soon to be set free be himself
That's all he truly wanted out life
Be happy with out consequence
Not answer to others for his efforts

He questioned everything wasn't sure how to feel. He was running out of places to go, and relocate. He gave his all, everything to all the wrong people. It helped him grow be wiser make better decisions.
Staying positive in a negative world
Fueling my love trying to cancel out hate
Moving up no one left behind never too late
Broken trying to heal tough skin immune
Fighting this insanity shouldn't be the norm
Walked away from the pain flowing deep
Working hard to stand tall gain
Keeping the peace took a beating

He shed a tear while his football days were behind him. His best friend still playing. That gave him joy and still part of something. His best friend told him your out there with me. The played high school football together and it was a great experience winning titles and a championship together.
He loved sports his cousin competing he wanted to be there. The team was always hungry for competition but starved because of the lack of competition in the weight class. Doing all that's being asked and extra to find out its not enough. It's frustrating on the sidelines ready to go.

He was a sensitive child
Being told don't cry
Stop being a *****
As he got older it got hard
Hard to express his emotions
Share his feelings with others
His mother laughed at him
The one person he trusted
Opened up to vent for peace
Took away his safe space
She took his joy broken trust
Heart shattered by laughter
Mocked his vulnerability
Hard to trust anyone
Let anyone into the closed off heart
Loved Hard to get hate back

He finally passed his test and got an interview things were on the ups getting better. He cut away from the older crowd because they act like his world evolves around them. He didn't like them being selective about being involved in his life. If he opened up to vent it wasn't for them to feel superior. He thought he could trust them with his feelings but he was wrong.
He became private now everyone tries to pry. He got tired of everyone ignoring him showing no interest in his life. He'd listen to everyone's problems trying provide solutions to be ignored.
He has a support group of all the most random people but he could be himself around

He hated running his pace was slow he felt like he could walk faster. With his cousin going around the block twice trying to maintain the same pace.
It wasn't a race he remembered the days when he would jog 5 miles everyday he was a teenager now an older man in his late 30s. Deep breaths trying to not let up and finish strong. Avoiding the sun because when he tanned he got dark right away.
He didn't care for the summer heat trying to stay hydrated in the garage training with his cousin doing pad work pushing one another to the limit bringing out the best in one another.
He was glad to be on this journey pursue next level ventures. Use to training seeing it as his big event. His cousin would be able do it. Very talented and young with lots of skills and heart that made a difference. They shared a dream but he let the politics of the sport bother him and hold back.

Being able to vent have a voice into of focusing on work where its never ending trying to have a personal life outside of that. Trying to please never satisfied people gets old. Dealing with ungrateful being not wanting to do it anymore. its not enough the worse feeling or good enough when you gave maximum effort where your exhausted burnt out to still be criticized by the people whom put you down instead of bring you up

Never been into material possessions. Had it all lost it all starting over it hard. Learning to maintain focus what needs to be done to get by. Finding balance to be able to work in that dream instead of putting everything else first. Thr transition is always hard because unexpected delays occur.
Always distracted easier to help others than to say what you want and come up with a strategy. Always asking what if or why not easier to do than think its the perfect plan and it will all fall I to place.

Trying to motivate myself
Be strong things falling apart
Not be consumed by hate
Give it to God not lose faith
Told never go against family
Fam quick to judge and oppose
Not one to impose always alone
Take pride, work get it done
Use to go out, prefers to stay home
Part of being grown, showing up
Take a chance make it happen
Work because it's not given for free

Always had their back
Now they are turning on you
Bitter taste of betrayal
Tried to make it right
Living all the wrong
Now trying to throw the pain
Spread the toxic vibes
Keep it alive to survive
Place the hurt on others
Told to move on but squatting
Left behind now trying to catch up
From lovers to a fling know as the ex
Friendship lead to brotherhood
The bond was like family cut ties
Now strangers cross paths
Memories of what use to be

He wanted to break this cycle not holding on to the toxic. He didn't always have an opinion or have to say anything. He minded his mouth and kept to himself. Why be around if he couldn't be himself. It wasn't fun or worth it anymore. Not like them better off alone hard to love him when they are trying to tell him who to be and how to act.
He walked away wanting to say something but he'd be ignored so he's not bothering anymore. He wasn't feeding an ego or wasting his time. The world wasn't all unicorns and rainbows. The cord was cut he was free from their judgement and criticism. It hurt but he knew it was the best thing. His days where long and focused on work and writing to make it through. He had a love hate with things but got more hate than love. He blocked out the bad he felt numb because of all the hurt and torment

Older now not feeling the same
Everyday something new
Time for some change
Family divided not always getting along
Thought about relocating
Never needed until you're gone
But things never change
Always forgotten felt invisible at the time
Missed them but there's no going back

Fighting to stay whole battle within
Crumbling under pressure the drama
Knees about to buckle overwhelming
Struggling to get by with life
Ready to quit give up at work
Around his kids found strength
Hid the misery smiled for them
Being able to provide made it right
Feeling worthy not wasteful with time
No time to be sad getting over the bad
Focused on the good being better

The argument looping in the mind
How things should be said
Doesn't come out accordingly
Outside x factors changing things up
Asking is it worth it does it matter
Judges minds are made up not a debate
Proving yourself doesn't matter
Impossible to redeem ones self
Proving them wrong things aren't right
From close to stranger more heat
Fake attitudes the danger cut so deep
Dk how to act won't let one another be
One with the grudge sorry is not enough
Other trying to change dying with bad habits
The frustration taking it's toll breaking out of this death grip

How you going to bad mouth a person
Then ask for a favor the nerve of some
Always been a worker
Don't care about labels
Get my work done
Out work me get on my level
Not about to drop my standards
Don't have much but earning mine
Thought I was an equal
Your not better than me
Slow your role you dk me
What I'm about used my story
Once I'm out working on something better
Behind the scenes the sight of you sickening

After a while you don't care to prove especially while doing the work. Stopped caring going further and farther than everyone talking.
They didn't believe in you; think highly of you. Use to empower those people talking, not saying anything. Giving them a reason to talk that's all they do. Got tired of the criticism it's never right or good enough. I'm doing the work the one picking up the slack. You had their back while they turned on you trying to destroy your name because they have no say turning everyone against you being a negative vibe against all your good deeds.

Seeing people be fake is the worse feeling. Has you wondering are they being true and genuine with you. To see them fake a smile, pretend to show interest but the truth is they could careless.
Has you questioning humanity and where you stand. Your trust for people wondering about your own judgement.
Use to be very welcoming learning to be more distant and selective about those who are welcomed into your social circle. Been a tough few weeks doing work for the lazy. Job titles mean nothing just pass the grunt work onto the person trying to get hired.
Sometimes things are easy others complicate them it gets annoying. Very frustrated with the outcome turn of events. What happened? Why? More questions and less answers.
Not doing things the same changed up the format and woke up tired not anxious to go. Still moving don't want to completely stop

Lies
Betrayal
Anger

How do you steal from someone and blame others
You want respect but treat others like *****
Biting my lip ready to rip you a new one, trying to make it better always embraced a solution
Why do you play the victim when you are causing the problems
Young and dumb, talking back; trying to tell your elders
I protect you all you do is disrespect, neglect those who mean well
Everyone had been through something, no one owes you anything
Usually one to pull the trigger but you pulled it first
Not one to go against friends or family they seem to come at me not expecting the double cross

So much on the mind staying pro
Focused on the work double time
Don't care for titles or politics
Work hard or harder take some pride
Please stop talking step it up
Sizing everyone up wasting time
Ain't no one bothering with you
Bad attitude no right to be rude
Pretending to care being petty
Everyone sees through the act
Talking down on everyone
Now your surprised others spoke up
Provoking others the tabs adding up
Thinking there's no consequence
Now playing victim heres the receipt
Sneaking up others are doing the work
Not doing any work the never to criticize

Not talking again one is clearly in the wrong
Pride is getting the best of them
One asked a question the other didn't like his opinion
A conversation he had with his parents
Excluding a family member wasn't right
Talking about made everyone uncomfortable
Holding a grudge doesn't make you a better person
Being two faced while using people for your selfish gain
Playing victim to justify your actions doesn't work

I get sometimes people stress out but never help their situation. I don't have kids but id put them first over drinking. People don't mind helping but some take advantage. More excuses and lies tired of hearing them. A child asking for her daddy and not sure how to answer.
He got off work but not home or back yet. More lies and broken promises most fed up, and don't want to do it anymore. Always forgiving but never willing to change for anyone. Chosing to smoke and not able to function without a drink. Eventually everyone turns away; keeps a distance hard to trust not bothering anymore. Respect is lost and gone in the process.
Stealing from family more lies, forgiven but still holding a grudge against others. Expecting others to change but set in the same bad habits.

In his culture you couldn't show emotions it was a sign of weakness. Not able to vent to anyone because they'd use it against you. Trying to hold your burdens over your head thinking they have the upper hand thinking they could manipulate your behavior.
Or didn't care to hear your sad stories not making time for your feelings and emotions. Talking about you being mean and having the nerve to ask for a favor after all that disrespect it was like a slap in the mouth.
Spreading lies sick of all the rumors the people who came at him did way worse that's why no one bothered with them. He  stayed true keeping a good head on his shoulder anything he did bothered them.
He was told "your make me look bad" not his fault they didn't try or put forth any effort.
He did the work got straight to the point there was BSing his way through. He remembered they didn't have his heart or think the way he did but he was given an opportunity taking a chance to better his situation help others in the process.

He woke up early it was dark out. Drove out to the lake picked a spot. Put bait on his hook and cast out his line into the water. He waited for a fish to bite. He put on music through his ear buds and waiting for a tug so that he could reel it in. Taking in the scene staying calm trying to relax.
Thinking about life how he could've done things differently. How he could improve thinking too much staying positive that a fish would snap and tug biting the bate.
Sitting in the darkness as the like came out lighting up the day. He watched his reel that was locked in place then a light tug would get stronger rattling the pole. He began to feel it in slow not fighting since it might snap his line. He resistance began to lighten up reeling it in he could see the fish circling reeling it in closer pulling it out of the water grabbing it by the mouth. Glad to make the catch taking the light and hook out of the fish mouth then quick to release it back into the water.
A catch made such a rewarding positive day. The mind rejuvenated and emotional satisfaction after a day on the lake.

Took all the pain to stay sane
Bad memories remain immunity
Our situation shattered circumstance
Inspired by frustration overcoming it all
Not enough for the judgemental family
Too much for the toxic world

Not wish bad on them
All the pain caused
The frustration over time
Not wishing bad on anyone
But it will comeback to them
Just trying to do my thing
Not going through anyone to get there
Using these skills not people
Focused on the work no drama
Don't care for politics hate gossip
Over caring the load of others
Dropped once something better
Comes along easily replaced
While waiting saving a spaces
Once it's filled quick to return
Tired work out feeling burned inside

Wanting to talk no ones listening
Not wanting to talk use to being alone
Everyone expects you to open up
You to spill your heart making it hard
After being ignored hard to trust
Don't want to do the job anymore
At the bottom with no options or say
Gave an opinion not being heard
Doing 8 hours of work in 5
Trying to survive not motivate
Proving them wrong doing it better
Told there was someone qualified
That deserved the job giving it all
Not good enough while doing extra
Falling out with the old loved it all
Not to fond of the new plowing thru

Wanting forbidden love
Showing love getting none back
No longer associating with Haters
Loved a cheater don't blame yourself
Young love mistakes made
Fake friends you seen the truth
Sometimes you have to start over
It doesn't mean you've lost
People come and go like the season
Start a new chapter keep the story moving
Its a cleared path to something better

Sitting in a dark quiet room, trying to compose these wild thoughts, not lose sanity over stuff that's beyond ones control. The mind can't comprehend the transition, all these changes. No say, or chance to contribute, things end before they get started.
Used and abused till something better comes along; always get the short end of the stick.

Holding it all in ready to implode
Letting go not responsible for others
Blaming yourself trying to stand your ground
Tired of them talking about others acting loyal to their face
Sick of two faced people taking others for granted
Because you didn't listen or do things their way they try to ruin your rep
Turn others against you try to change others opinions about you
The arrogance will get to them and will blow up in their face
Don't get comfortable disrespecting others because some will not tolerate it
They step on others because they like to argue
Learned to not respond or say anything not empowering or feeding the egotistical power trip

Learning to stand tall focusing on faith
The world taking swings you hype them up
Trying to bring them up with you
As they knock you making it personal
Some own a home looking down on the fam
Others in a toxic relationship judging the rest
Telling everyone to change not doing better
Remaining the same let people live their life
Be there full time none of this selective
Show that you care full time be real not fake
Stop pretending to care just shrug it off
Others mind their mouth out of respect
Most of all their business not getting involved
Trying to be fair help the situation
Placed on a side stuck in the middle
Chasing a dream they said was crazy
Making those goals seem impossible
Been on it for years over come fears
Holding back frustration and tears

I'm not that guy you remember I've changed over the years. I said sorry it wasn't enough. I got sober for me but did change my behavior. I've made mistakes but learned to forgive myself holding on to that crushed my spirit.
I tried to make it right but made it worse. I've learned to walk away from things and cut certain family members off. I'll always love them but they are constantly knocking me or trying to bring out the worse.
I've done good but you hold my mistakes over my head when you've done worse. I'm not playing the blame game or going to strike back because you'll play the victim. That flapping mouth will backfire only a matter of time.

Put on music and write
Makes everything fill alright
All the frustration within comes out
Able to tell stories without interruption
Express myself without influence
Not dealing lies or contradiction
From my perspective, how I see it
Getting older more selective about participation
Not empowering deceitful manipulators
Been betrayed before cut the cord
Detached from bad vibes left alone
Live life to the fullest
Hard to get ahead, barely come out even
Made mistakes, learned the lesson
Failed many times, coming back for more
Found peace within a loud mind
A simple life that complicated
Known by many not understood

Walked away from crazy environment
Gave it all not going anywhere fading away
Phasing out moving on the next chapter
Old friends thanks for the memories
Failed relationships learned the life lessons
An equal partner a healthy connection
Use to the 3rd degree from others
Seeking a college degree better the situation
So much chaos in this struggle
Frustrated with the twisted outcomes
Bouncing back from the sidelines
Spoke the truth so many are angry foes
Over the sad stories not listening anymore
Focused on that life placed on hold

Learning to trust again
Hard to trust so many are broken
The girl you like ends up with your friend
A friend wouldn't do that
The girl you love says no to being your gf
A week later end up with another guy
People you love slander your name
All this talk behind your back is cowardly
Honest to their face that's true respect
A true friend will listen be open to your face
Bad mouth over a girl passing through
Secrets are kept in this ear mouth is silent
My secrets told right away
Thought it was safe to share
Not able to vent but write it all out