So much on the mind staying pro
Focused on the work double time
Don't care for titles or politics
Work hard or harder take some pride
Please stop talking step it up
Sizing everyone up wasting time
Ain't no one bothering with you
Bad attitude no right to be rude
Pretending to care being petty
Everyone sees through the act
Talking down on everyone
Now your surprised others spoke up
Provoking others the tabs adding up
Thinking there's no consequence
Now playing victim heres the receipt
Sneaking up others are doing the work
Not doing any work the never to criticize

Sitting in a dark quiet room, trying to compose these wild thoughts, not lose sanity over stuff that's beyond ones control. The mind can't comprehend the transition, all these changes. No say, or chance to contribute, things end before they get started.
Used and abused till something better comes along; always get the short end of the stick.

Lies
Betrayal
Anger

How do you steal from someone and blame others
You want respect but treat others like *****
Biting my lip ready to rip you a new one, trying to make it better always embraced a solution
Why do you play the victim when you are causing the problems
Young and dumb, talking back; trying to tell your elders
I protect you all you do is disrespect, neglect those who mean well
Everyone had been through something, no one owes you anything
Usually one to pull the trigger but you pulled it first
Not one to go against friends or family they seem to come at me not expecting the double cross

Trying to motivate myself
Be strong things falling apart
Not be consumed by hate
Give it to God not lose faith
Told never go against family
Fam quick to judge and oppose
Not one to impose always alone
Take pride, work get it done
Use to go out, prefers to stay home
Part of being grown, showing up
Take a chance make it happen
Work because it's not given for free

Been writing for years don't need much to be happy. Making the most of things and what's given. So many haters and doubts quick to turn on you once they don't get their way.

Talking about you no one is talking about them. Trying to get the best of you while they are at their worse. Knock you down while you put out your best not competing or comparing just working hard. Focused on the task staying strong growing in the craft.

Reaching out to those mentors and those who remained loyal. Those that stayed true that's hard to come about now a days. Earning your place so many think it's given. Helping the team keeping them united. While everyone is divided due to personal issues.

He felt the urge to argue. Tried not to complain but those egos kept imposing their will and way. No matter what he did he was on the outside looking in. Only considered when something was needed. He never talked about anyone, but they always talked about him.
They had way more why did the care better yet did it matter to them. They didn't help anyone, but themselves trying to control everything.

Put on music and write
Makes everything fill alright
All the frustration within comes out
Able to tell stories without interruption
Express myself without influence
Not dealing lies or contradiction
From my perspective, how I see it
Getting older more selective about participation
Not empowering deceitful manipulators
Been betrayed before cut the cord
Detached from bad vibes left alone
Live life to the fullest
Hard to get ahead, barely come out even
Made mistakes, learned the lesson
Failed many times, coming back for more
Found peace within a loud mind
A simple life that complicated
Known by many not understood

He was a sensitive child
Being told don't cry
Stop being a *****
As he got older it got hard
Hard to express his emotions
Share his feelings with others
His mother laughed at him
The one person he trusted
Opened up to vent for peace
Took away his safe space
She took his joy broken trust
Heart shattered by laughter
Mocked his vulnerability
Hard to trust anyone
Let anyone into the closed off heart
Loved Hard to get hate back

Holding it all in ready to implode
Letting go not responsible for others
Blaming yourself trying to stand your ground
Tired of them talking about others acting loyal to their face
Sick of two faced people taking others for granted
Because you didn't listen or do things their way they try to ruin your rep
Turn others against you try to change others opinions about you
The arrogance will get to them and will blow up in their face
Don't get comfortable disrespecting others because some will not tolerate it
They step on others because they like to argue
Learned to not respond or say anything not empowering or feeding the egotistical power trip

He wanted to be able to write without his frustrations. It took him back to a place he hated mentally he wasn't there anymore. Not empowering the people that criticize him or wasting his time trying to prove himself. He's never going to be accepted get their approval.
Writing was his escape his outlet closure and peace came out of it. People got in his head but it was his life and he was the one doing it. No matter what it was on him in the end.
Write poems about things he loved
Share without it being warped and twisted
Sit in a room without being judged
Without feeling like he did something wrong
Be himself without being told off for caring
Once he stopped caring it bugged him
Knew it was time to move on
Prayed because he ******* up
Made a mess walked into the insanity
Didn't go where he felt uncomfortable
Never again he told himself been here before
Didn't like. the outcome was the same
Now it's worse being provoked
Made it unsafe chose to be silent
Close himself off  didn't feel the same
The thought process the emotions stirred up
Once it settled down he felt better
Stayed calm collected after being frazzled
Its going to be alright, it's going to be okay
Not always sure but knew things would get better.

Being asked "what ****** you off?" Most of the time has nothing to do with your life. It's usually the over flow that spills onto your lap. Trying to stay positive but sad to see a child neglected by a father who care more about drugs and alcohol. Visiting her father be in neglected she spends more time with everyone else.
A sweet child that's caught up in a failed relationship and her sibling in another failed relationship going through the court system for visitation. Not always the best role model but willing to help out provide some guidance and assistance

He struggled with work but didn't want to argue
They opposed him and went against then had the nerve to expect a favor
Sometimes they loved him
Other times they ignored them
He didn't care for the selective behavior
Trying to get the work done
No one communicates at all
He was over work too much drama
Just wanted to have a brew
They tested his moral compass
While they did their shady deeds
He hated it was over the insults

He woke up early it was dark out. Drove out to the lake picked a spot. Put bait on his hook and cast out his line into the water. He waited for a fish to bite. He put on music through his ear buds and waiting for a tug so that he could reel it in. Taking in the scene staying calm trying to relax.
Thinking about life how he could've done things differently. How he could improve thinking too much staying positive that a fish would snap and tug biting the bate.
Sitting in the darkness as the like came out lighting up the day. He watched his reel that was locked in place then a light tug would get stronger rattling the pole. He began to feel it in slow not fighting since it might snap his line. He resistance began to lighten up reeling it in he could see the fish circling reeling it in closer pulling it out of the water grabbing it by the mouth. Glad to make the catch taking the light and hook out of the fish mouth then quick to release it back into the water.
A catch made such a rewarding positive day. The mind rejuvenated and emotional satisfaction after a day on the lake.

The girl next door everyone liked her so you had no interest. Pretending not to care but there was emotions that remained hidden. She seemed to like everyone expect you. You heard her complain about her bf and going back to the exes that continued to hurt her.
You got hurt because there was nothing you could do. Acting on those urges would lead to losing her as a friend. Felt like everything went wrong trying to protect her. Eventually you fade out focused on those rare good times. That brought joy from a tough child hood. Memories faded away moving hard to do but became second nature.

Learning to stand tall focusing on faith
The world taking swings you hype them up
Trying to bring them up with you
As they knock you making it personal
Some own a home looking down on the fam
Others in a toxic relationship judging the rest
Telling everyone to change not doing better
Remaining the same let people live their life
Be there full time none of this selective
Show that you care full time be real not fake
Stop pretending to care just shrug it off
Others mind their mouth out of respect
Most of all their business not getting involved
Trying to be fair help the situation
Placed on a side stuck in the middle
Chasing a dream they said was crazy
Making those goals seem impossible
Been on it for years over come fears
Holding back frustration and tears

He was called a narcissistic because he didn't agree or was not giving these cruel people their way. They changed the narrative he kept to himself. The relationship was over why did his ex make false remarks. It was over she wanted more that was impossible for him to provide. It was overwhelming never good enough.
He knew she'd never be happy with him. It made him miserable denying himself feeling neglected by the one person that would ruin his day because things didn't go accordingly all he wanted was to be happy.
Be with someone he could trust be himself with out regret or doubt. He wasn't materialistic. His status would never be accepted or seen as an equal. Being told how to act and be made him numb hating himself because all the changing left him feeling like a shell of the old. The new was killing the old

In his culture you couldn't show emotions it was a sign of weakness. Not able to vent to anyone because they'd use it against you. Trying to hold your burdens over your head thinking they have the upper hand thinking they could manipulate your behavior.
Or didn't care to hear your sad stories not making time for your feelings and emotions. Talking about you being mean and having the nerve to ask for a favor after all that disrespect it was like a slap in the mouth.
Spreading lies sick of all the rumors the people who came at him did way worse that's why no one bothered with them. He  stayed true keeping a good head on his shoulder anything he did bothered them.
He was told "your make me look bad" not his fault they didn't try or put forth any effort.
He did the work got straight to the point there was BSing his way through. He remembered they didn't have his heart or think the way he did but he was given an opportunity taking a chance to better his situation help others in the process.

Took all the pain to stay sane
Bad memories remain immunity
Our situation shattered circumstance
Inspired by frustration overcoming it all
Not enough for the judgemental family
Too much for the toxic world

The women he dated some stuck on an ex
Living in the past not able to move on
Another full of lust mistaken for love
Always honest with words deep with truth
Showed them love given lies never seen as an equal
Soon to be exposed the harsh reality
Mixing up names loyal to one person
Not meant to be a player seeking long term
Infatuation drained his soul not given an answer
Seeking reasons sometimes a fling becomes nothing more
His love for interracial brought shame to the family
He seen beauty in multicultural while family stuck in old traditions
Escape old ways unlearn relearn to love again
Women are not the same the ex is not the standard
Waiting thinking they'd come back they've moved on time to do the same
Weird how they come back once you've moved onto new
Doing well before you met them their chapter is over. If you reread the chapter you all ready know the outcome
Scared to get hurt holding back just open up
Need to get out there stop fearing change
Use to be social everyone is sensitive making stuff up you can't say anything

Being social trying to open up it's easier to be closed off. Working to pay bills while the thought of finishing the pursue of a degree. Being able to find balance make it work without time conflict getting worked up and burnt out.
He saw his a banner of his old college. It took him back wanting to finish but working to make a living. Wanting to use and apply the education that was being taught not just reading. You're suppose to prepare yourself but it doesn't always come natural.
Some have to work harder trying to do something no one else has done. Scared once you made it you'd have to support your loved ones. You don't expect much from anyone but they expect everything from you. You support them as they tear down your dream because life got hard or ran out of funds because surviving does matter.
Talking about this because it's been in the bottom of the heart while so many distractions cause you to get misguided in the wrong direction. Making money and making moves scared it might not be the right one. What if it's wrong instead of looking for possibilities.

The struggle to fit in he walked away
Always writing to rid the pain away
Honest with them not telling lies
Hide the truth with cover ups
Treated different for being loyal
Doing what's right from the heart
Clean head on his shoulders true
Others causing a fight walked out
Feeling attacked standing this ground
Ready to speak up didn't want drama

Talking about getting paid prior to the transplant he knew it would be temporary. He had to bounce back quick. He didn't want anyone taking care of him or have to rely on anyone. Minding his mouth because if he said something wrong it would cause his caretaker to act differently.
He needed a ride for appointments but asking felt like begging. Interrupting that person's day made it feel like an inconvenience. Some people see an apology like submitting. While others see peace and closure. Hoping to move on be normal things will never be the same.
It's better to move on and stay away.
He was ready to bounce back from the surgery. Worried about being tired seemed to always tired. Afraid to be alone while use to it. Being a college drop out really complicated things. His mind wanted to finish what he started. Trying to find a balance.

Not talking about anyone just expressing a concern. On how the situation, made things awkward unsettling. Determined to be right talking about everyone like it's justified. Standing alone was better than living a lie. Never been populate big on individualism would rather be different than the same.
He wasn't happy with himself he didn't expect anyone to do it.
He had to do it himself. He wasn't responsible for her happiness because she wasn't happy with her decisions. He tried but most of all tried not to blame himself.
Even though she was quick to blame him. It was easier for him to be single in than in a relationship. Not use to checking in or asking. He didn't think his actions would effect his relationship. She didn't trust him always assuming the worse while trying to be at his best. He was open to change but didn't like who he was becoming. He would take his loved ones opinions into consideration. She was never satisfied and made him feel like he wasn't good enough.
Feeling numb with the wrong person he ended it she said NO she needed to be the superior one and ended it. Trying to fix a failed relationship was tough but needed to be done.

Not talking again one is clearly in the wrong
Pride is getting the best of them
One asked a question the other didn't like his opinion
A conversation he had with his parents
Excluding a family member wasn't right
Talking about made everyone uncomfortable
Holding a grudge doesn't make you a better person
Being two faced while using people for your selfish gain
Playing victim to justify your actions doesn't work

Everyone is going through something
Some understand while others assume
Called ignorant for having an opinion
Sensitive for showing emotions
Called entitled and dismissed
Those comments stood out
Took the criticism somethings made sense
Others he questioned where it came from
A tough time and transition not taking things personal
Forgiving and moving on this isn't the first or the last time
Shouldn't be surprised all the attacks are personal
But those assumptions are the truth
Don't let toxic words influence your behavior
He liked being alone when in a mood
Didn't keep anyone out of their personal space
Some mean well others have their own evil intention
Confrontation is not worth it someone end up mad or offended
They'll hurt your feelings or hurt them
Because theirs more to the story
That ones not aware of multiple factors
That could explain or be an excuse for justification

He was the bad guy because he had an idea. The funny guy wasn't laughing anymore. He had love and respect, but they had no regards for his feelings. He did all the grunt work with a smile burnt out from it all.
He didn't replace them but they were quick to fill his spot. Sad to see them go but he couldn't wait anymore. Racing the clock feeling like time was running out. Against all odds like always.
A So called friend tried to get under his skin. Trying to get a reaction he was quick to flip it call them on the crap. Show no emotions or feelings a stone face. Blocking out the pain protecting the heart.

A sore body stiff joints
Pushing through an older body
Mentally blocking out the bad
Physically going through the motions
He missed them but they are gone
He's not going back to them
They are never returning to him
He let go fear free accepted
Alone is the way to be pain free
Found closure with his thoughts
His heart cages to heal
Soon to be set free be himself
That's all he truly wanted out life
Be happy with out consequence
Not answer to others for his efforts

Focused on work jumping more hurdles want to be free to live life not worry about others the pressure of the world. Made out to be someone else so others can act the way they do. He didn't say much but seen as stuck up. If they asked his opinion people would end up offended or mad. He has social skills so many talked bad behind his back. He dealt with the fake personas and got tired of trying to please others. Anything he said was never heard all his efforts never good enough.
He focused on what he loved and what made him happy since everyone was so complicated to him. The more he resisted the more tension came. He broke free from everyone that treated him bad. The ones who made him feel like he didn't matter. Once he broke free he felt better like he could breathe without all the burdens pressure. He couldn't live up to their standards but he didn't expect anyone to lower themselves.

You trust them turns out they don't respect you. You know your role and place as they try to divide and conquer by turning everyone on you since they didn't get their way. You spoke up now they aren't talking to you but about you. Not trying to trigger them or give them a reason would rather be free then feel shut down defeated to be accepted.
Had their back now they are bad mouthing me behind mine. Don't care to be right easier to be alone than be around people who are never happy expecting others to change not doing anything to improve themselves.

Through all the lies he remained loyal
She cheated later tried to blame him
They wanted him to tell the truth
Once he did it became a debate
Being told how to act was the problem
Projecting their feelings on him
He didn't feel or think that way
Telling who to be made conflict
He minded his business
While they try to exploit him
They've done worse to others
Yet still running their mouth
He didn't want to be involved
Still coming at him like a target
He didn't agree walked away
Said nothing refuse to empower
His oppressors not giving any reason
They had way more than most
Being shady because it wasn't about them
Instead of being humble and grateful
They seen it as a platform to look down on others
He valued people not material possessions

She claimed to love him
Now she denies knowing him
Acting like it never happened
Hiding a secret like it's *****
He loved her but didn't know
How to say it didn't want to rush
Feared she turn him away
Shut him down she already did
A loving smile to a cold emotionless stare
From a warm touch to lifeless vibe

He loved his family some he got along with while others was an argument. So much ego and pride that kept everyone divided. Everyone talks about respect with the old school vibe. Quick to through heat or shade make others look bad their decoy.
Grandma said don't let yourself to anyone once the advice was applied. he was disowned, never looked at the same. Hurting within but had to move on be better the tough love wasn't worth it anymore. He missed them but didn't like anyone talking down on him, making him feel stupid.
His grandpa told him "don't you get along with anyone" he said "yes but not taking anyone's crap" he was over terms and conditions to be accepted. Why did he have to deny himself, give up, who he is to be considered. He usually accepted most flaw and all without question. He learned to keep a distance not get involved

Unfinished projects on the sidelines
Many ideas scrapped needs more details
Fear of being rejected not feeling right
Shut it down edit everything unsettling
Trying to make it better over time
Thought of change faced challenges
Different directions alternate endings
Flusterated with things need more range
Trying to see what's not meant to be