I don't mind helping others and giving my all. It ***** when they don't help or half *** the work. Making them look good while they **** all over you and your efforts.
Trying to move up I don't care to go through people but if they are in my way I hope they don't get mad when they get plowed down.
Trying not to cuss or joke because everyone is easily offended or quick to make things personal. Feeling provoked and taunted by others.
We are not the same and don't care to be like everyone.
The detox from anger used it as fuel to make it through
Changing for the better do what's right
Trying to not fall back into bad habits
Friends become stranger find love
Start relationships make family's
Departed friends never forgotten
Memories that get lost in thought
Pursuing a dream detached from reality
Reality is a tough ride holding onto life
Surviving making a living the grind

Woke up early for work it's dark and wet out because of the rain debating on showering. Being wet in the cold staying positive through this transition. Not a lead but willing to step it up to get the job done. Half the crew was out now the whole crew will function as unit, Hopefully.
Thinking what needs to be done and how to get it done in a timely efficient manner. A young team trying to live up to old rules and standards learning to manage yourself without supervision from elders.  Doing your part not going against one another everyone has strengths and weaknesses play them accordingly.

Wanting to be better on this team, hoping they rise up as well. Determined to be the wild card ready to fill roles take on all obstacles to get the job done. Thankful for the job and know what it's like to not have a job.
Being judged by family looked down on now striving towards more not settling for less. Proving foes wrong never said anything bad about them but word came back around they had nothing good to say. I respect their opinions that plays no role in changing others.

He elevated his feet so the swelling could go down
Frustrated because the transplant
He wants has yet to happen
Feeling discouraged about his life
Questioning his faith still believing
Watching the world series wanting Texas to win
But Arizona was a growing franchise
Kind of against it mild resentment
Because it's where the transplant will take place
Those calls get his hopes up and leave him disappointed
His love for everyone was strong
Thankful for his support group
Things were going strong in motion
Now they just stopped and slowing down
A year to get on the transplant list
Now 3 months on the list 2 calls of possible donors

Work piling up not sure
What to do with it thoughts on a page
Pushing all out cant hold it in anymore
What to do with these words
Wanting to help others through the struggle
Writing and outlet for the pain
Express your emotions without others twisting them
The bad guy in their story it's okay to have an opinion
Controlling the narrative to justify the cruel treatment
Choosing peace and silence made room for false narrative
Walked away on the outside looking
Its the same on both sides unwelcoming

When they need a favor they are nice sad how they don't bother with you. These people are the worse talking about you and you never said nothing about them because they don't have anything going on for them but you still accept them.
One minute your on the inside wanting out when you are use to being on the outside looking in. Hard to express yourself because everything gets mad personal.
They talk about what you do but never what they do it's the worse feeling ever. Its not worth it if you have to fight for your spot you don't need it. If you worry they slander your name you don't need to be there.

Too many complain campaign about everything
Rather than be the one who made a difference
Stands tall the resistances turn the page
Causing rage so many chose to settle
Than step it up be better make it happen
Not gonna run not gonna hide
Almost died revived made to survive
Another protest just to be heard
Not doing enough life is tough
Do something can't wait around
Doing nothing meant to be doing something much more

Unfinished projects on the sidelines
Many ideas scrapped needs more details
Fear of being rejected not feeling right
Shut it down edit everything unsettling
Trying to make it better over time
Thought of change faced challenges
Different directions alternate endings
Flusterated with things need more range
Trying to see what's not meant to be

The days are long never ending
Never enough bad leadership
Planning another move
To escape the evil ways
All the pain bad memories remain
Onto to better not settling for less
Healing up after surgery feeling drained
False promise the betrayal

He felt the urge to argue. Tried not to complain but those egos kept imposing their will and way. No matter what he did he was on the outside looking in. Only considered when something was needed. He never talked about anyone, but they always talked about him.
They had way more why did the care better yet did it matter to them. They didn't help anyone, but themselves trying to control everything.

Some days are easy working for it
While others are hard barely getting by
Trying to be strong for family
Keep trucking for peers a team player
Giving your everything possible
Feels like it's not enough exhausted
Eating right, struggling with energy
Feeling more energized taking risks
From one of the guys doing your part
Doing what needs to be done
Working hard to become the guy
Want to be able to be normal
This health condition is not an excuse
Over doctors' appointments never ending
Giving blood scans and tests
Mental health draining talking about it
Feeling restless pulled in many directions

Wanting forbidden love
Showing love getting none back
No longer associating with Haters
Loved a cheater don't blame yourself
Young love mistakes made
Fake friends you seen the truth
Sometimes you have to start over
It doesn't mean you've lost
People come and go like the season
Start a new chapter keep the story moving
Its a cleared path to something better

He cared when no one else did
Went out of his way and kept out
Smiled when everyone was bitter
Insulted by others frustrations
Tried to look out but got ignored
Looked past the flaws at inner beauty
He made one mistake got over it
Never heard the end of it
It was held against him

I never understood how a person could give you crap for being around. Now that you backed out doing your own thing they think they could give you crap for not being around. Make up your mind why is it you can hold everyone accountable but when someone has an opinion or calls you on things you try to destroy your rep by trying to turn the family against someone thats holding you accountable.
Trying to discredit a person by calling them delusional and dismissive. It's always what everyone does never what you did or how you played a roll in that situation.
When others have a problem "It's an issue" but when you have a problem "it's serious an important manner" as I get older I just pray forgive and walk away from

Worked to fit in but kept me out
They wanted me to change, made no effort
Gave my all, it was never enough
Gave my all, pointed out the flaw
Closed my mouth hoping to be liked
Burning within because I didn't agree
Seen them do wrong, trying to justify it as right
Spoke my mind everyone got mad
Said the truth and called them on the BS
Now they hate me think less of me
Trying to tell me how to live, but they've done nothing made no effort
All this talk is annoying just do it already
More nonsense stop waiting everyone's time

Recovery is boring
Mind numbing mind pacing
Thoughts vicious cycle looping
Not able to drive asking for a ride
Trying to trust others
Can't rely on anyone
Depending on others is hard
Hate waiting on others
Not trying to argue
Keep the peace internal struggle
Trying to unite family
Everyone divided for too long

Finally transferred from the job I disliked because of the horrible lead but feel bad for leaving great people behind me.
Trying to grow and rise to the top; while feeling held back, and shine not treated right, or fair so much expectation.
Eventually speaking up seen as the worse on the outside looking in. At one point was in the inside still seen as the work horse. Pleading for communication and courtesy. Over last minute notice not having enough time trying to do 8 hours of work in 5 hours.
Feeling exhausted used and abused. Your last day no respect just walked out it was over. Being the better man finished strong not changing for anyone. Already been through so much a story that lead to change in a better place than before.

Rather then get mad he worked harder
His heart meant well giving his all
Even though everything went wrong
Took risks came up short again
Planning to be better go harder
Plotting back at it stronger than ever
Called crazy for pursuing a dream
Did the work still getting written off
Find balance in the struggle
Composure facing chaos looking for closure

Feels like something is wrong
Haven't done anything extreme
A pause for the cause diverse emotions
Trying to relax recover from the stress
Bring good vibes wrestling with bad thoughts
Did the work scared to come up short
Made the wrong right crippled feelings
Fearing a negative outcome
Taking on more overwhelming frustration
Riding out most of the struggle
Protecting others from crazy
Those blindsides are the worse
Unexpected feeling rejected
Remained loyal disrespect

I'm thankful certain mentors of mine seen greatness and gave me confidence in what I'm doing.
My college mentor told me be open to learn all you can; build a foundation for your dreams be hungry for your goals. Another quote from my football days is "never settle for average"
Paul taught me the tricks of the trade made work fun and I could build off all he taught me so much he was a great influence back in my retail days. He always called me for work because I liked to work made the most of the; it helped me grow as a person.
I'd like to thank tony he taught me, while I was an assistant coach; I learned so much from his lead since I'm not one who likes to be in charge of people. He's someone I looked up especially dealing with team. We had a great season, yuuuuup. Being a leader is key, I learned from him my love for the sport grew thanks for the knowledge.
Tyrone taught me about Hollywood and actually used my work which I appreciate it helped me grow learned so much about red carpet. I'm not meant for Hollywood but do love the creative process, being a writer and all.

After being called delusional
Staying quiet avoiding the drama
His opinion would make things worse
Staying quiet is just as bad
Trying to mind his mouth
Being provoked was hard
They wanted him to over react
So his anxiety would get the best of him
Poking at him hoping others would see him strike
They tried to set him up to fail
He didn't need them taunting
He knew the consequences if his actions
Taking a time out from it out
Missing his kiddos on the outside looking
Tired of terms and conditions to be accepted
They labeled him but he was over people
Holding on to the past over head
Like it was going to matter in the future
He changed his ways that's how he apologized
While they remained the same never changing
More made up rules loops to jump through to amuse their boring life
Thinking too much didn't help
Scenarios playing out and possibilities

He wanted to date but remembered his exes and women from the past. He coule never make them happy or they wanted all the perks of a relationship. Some tried to fix him and make him better for the next why not try to make it work since so much effort and time was invested. Learning to get to know a person is more important ***. Being around and living with a person was an eye opener people lived another life at home from work on a date was another part of the person but there's more to it.

He started to speak up, he had enough so much imposition on his lap. They don't want him to accept their ways without taking his into consideration. He was open to discussion but it turns physical because they he didn't always agree. Open to learn understand didn't like being forced or told how to act how to behave.

One day it will come back to those fakes. Making everyone deal with their work and burdens. Made them look brilliant as they dumped on everyone stealing the credit. Everyday another person placed in the spot the value fluctuating some times its easy other times complicated. Could be the lead no superior sees the potential but has no problem letting one do the work

That love was forbidden sweetest sins
One taste isn't enough hunger for more
Craving to be desired loved equally
Seeking the other half to be whole
Without that fix inner peace is disturbed
Life has been tough without controversy
Thoughts of new love hard to find
Too tough to feel anything
Rough times hide emotions
Hard to trust after all the betrayal
Aching to be desired with true love
Find the spark to start the fire
A kiss that takes the pain away
Hugs that makes bad memories fade
Empty inside feeling whole once again

She got a bf the guy; who liked her missed his chance. Never took the risk thought there was time. Things change so quickly from flirting to seeing and hearing she's with someone else. A hard pill to swallow take in without any regrets.
From good friends to complete strangers. Those feelings lead to num emotions. Hard to breathe take it in. Being a man not showing things got to him. Deep down it was taking its toll on his heart.

Sam was trying to calm his nerves. His heart raced so much frustration Sam could feel the depression moving. He was usually upbeat and collected. He felt like he lost it and losing it. Being called ignorant for having an opinion called sensitive for showing emotions. Sam went in his room opened his notebook and let it all out. They expected him to explain when everything was already said.
He wasn't the same anymore over time he made changes took steps back and sacrifice they dk or care unless he lived up to these made up rules over the double standards lots of lies and false promise sent in his direction.

Learning to conversate with others
If you could be yourself those are the people that are welcome
I don't care for material possessions it doesn't make you a better person
Treat people right looks don't matter
Getting older rely on personality over time looks fade
Thankful for my friends that accept me
Let go of the people who talk bad behind my back
Not feeding into the nonsense enjoying life

There till something better comes along then they forget about. Acting like they had it together destroying you so they could feel like a whole. ******* your soul giving them life.
Giving so much still ungrateful not sure how to act or behave since someone is always offended or mad at you for their insecurities. Bring them up with as they bring you down with them.
Wouldn't give up on you, like they gave up on him. Learned to stay away less stress. Trying to be myself do my thing. With out toxic attitudes or bad vibes.

He shed a tear while his football days were behind him. His best friend still playing. That gave him joy and still part of something. His best friend told him your out there with me. The played high school football together and it was a great experience winning titles and a championship together.
He loved sports his cousin competing he wanted to be there. The team was always hungry for competition but starved because of the lack of competition in the weight class. Doing all that's being asked and extra to find out its not enough. It's frustrating on the sidelines ready to go.

He didn't want people laughing or talking about him. He was private yet the people talking did worse. He wanted to find love so he waited. While others had meaningless relationships and kids that got stuck in the middle.
Not a parent but those kids come first their needs. Its about them now so some need to get over themselves. He would observe see the double standard as they try to justify their wrong doing.
He made a mistake they would prey on him like if was plotting. They tried to hold his flaws over his head especially when they've done way worse.
He wanted to be around family but they act like they have it bad and mad about something. Taking it out on family instead of confronting those who wronged them.
He was thankful to have a room and somewhere to stay. He didn't make a fuss or say anything. Some trying to pull rank talking like they pay bills when all they did save up.

He didn't say or do anything but still ******* people off. They had more going on and came at him wrong. He didn't have much but thankful for what he had. Made the most of things he never made anyone a target he minded his mouth and business.
They came at him sour he just looked the other way when he checked them they would play the victim. Called them on their BS now they are mad sending more shady his way. He did his own thing not worried about anyone else that tried to make him doubt himself.
Wanting in his head and all they do is twist his words not listening or caring what he said it was insulting to try to tell him how to act and feel rather than understand what was going on.

When he had problems seen as issues
Had an opinion seen as disrespectful
Speaks when spoken to, no one is listening
Trying to be his own person not a follower
Leading left walking alone use to it
No trust or respect for him just amusing
Not talking anymore just listening
Not interested in sharing better alone

He walked on the pier thinking about his life. Staring at the sunset so he can forget his worries and be free for the moment. Life wasn't bad but he wanted to be better. He missed and thought about his grandpa. Trying to live life for both be better something was missing on the outside looking in.

The date ended it go weird
From friend to strangers
Love blurred with lust
Forgiveness over broken trust
Made the most of the moment
Now it's over not meant to be
Desired more hard to see
True love hard to fine
Blinded by starved emotions
Feelings of confusion from the heart

When you have a bad all the doubt
Comes out who you are now
Compared to who you use to be
Both are give and take a formal athlete
Older now not able to do it the same
Not like be forward work smarter
Did all the hard work need to use it
Apply it to everything collecting years
Years of knowledge experience clashing
Many encounters that help build character
Lost in what you love is its own world
An addiction you cant get enough of
Hard to get that fix to feel whole
Satisfied and complete meant to change

Why is it when you smile filled with joy
People try to **** you off runi the day
She loved his smile whiletogether
Now she hates everything about him
He wanted to put a label on it she said no
Told him she didn't want a relationship
A week later she was with someone new
He couldn't say or do anything
Once he moved on began to date
She tried to comeback be in his business
Who knew an old fling thar ended
Would stare down the new with jealousy
On with the new no going back to the old

They made him feel small not included. That's the worse some days he felt included other days he had no clue. He didn't need it want their approval. But to be around them felt like you had to lower yourself to be liked to be accepted.
He didn't care what you owned, it's all about how you treat people. He was about the work stayed focused. All the criticism for him to get it together but they don't got it together. It's the worse feeling from a friend and family member.
These made up rules they aren't right and keep others out so they can maintain the power struggle with guilt trips.

Focused on the prize social life fading away
Use to go out not fun or the same anymore
Always following rules most kept him out
Being pulled in many directions any but back
The guilt clouded his mind staying strong
Heavy burdens crushing the caring heart
Beating strong for them never selfish
Still moving forward with the pain
Can't do it the same not that person
Old emotions and thoughts have risen
Can't be that person live that way anymore
Out grew this the past labels don't fit
Overtime lost meaning not in that place
Those old ways not going back there

Before the bad relationship
So many curve ***** and changes
A brother murdered so much injustice
Failed love that couldn't be redeemed
So much betrayal broken trust
False promise and disrespect
Broken words with no honor
So many telling you how to act
Who to be what to do
A life that's not meant to be lived
The voices making you doubt yourself

after I woke up from the transplant
I was in ICU the beginning of recovery
The catheter tube would come out
Each day would consist of a task
a cut across my gut I'd pray everyday
My abdominal muscle lacking core strength
A huge cut stapled shut metal stitches
Extremely anxious to get out of bed
Having to page the nurse for assistance
Getting out of bed was difficult
I felt like a turtle on its back
I learned techniques during physical therapy
I had to urinate one of the first tasks
A process that took a few hours
After being assigned was a flow
I'd get up and walk after every meal
trying to keep strong physically
mentally missing work and home
Mostly grandma, her words echoed
"mijo, no one is going to do it for you, you need to do it yourself."
Next, I'd be asked to pass gas ripping a few.
A bowel movement, which was my final task so I could be released to be out patient staying a local to AZ