He woke hung over the bright sunlight
Dehydrated with eyes sensitive to light
Not Remembering a blue
What happened the night before
So much has change with say
Fear of the unknown leaving the past
Everything slipping away
Grasping for life trying to find balance
More peace within and base

He was dropping those burdens gaining momentum. Feeding his soul instead of the soul suckers that drained his well being. His voice grew weak not saying much or arguing with others.
Turned his back walked away from the carnage no longer cleaning the crumbled crumbs for others.

Keep bouncing back. After this surgery a few months on the sidelines I'm humble lots of personal growth. Writing has change trying not to complain and make the most of things. Adjust and adapt. Always fighting but don't care I'm just going to do the right thing.
I don't make anyone look bad, I chose to work hard do my best to do it done. Why you chose to politic about the job doing nothing.  Making it hard for the next guy when you should be the guy.
Make it happen stand out. The right people will appreciate you. Take pride in your work. People will criticize that's when you ask them how do I improve this problem. I try to provide a solution sometimes people want to give you a hard time.
Before I'd get annoyed, talk to me about it. Don't talk about others it will circle back. I meet awesome people but if they are being negative I could be like a mood ring and that bad juju is not for me. I didn't myself focus on my work and writing.

Made mistakes part of being human
Said sorry hardly ever forgiven
Things will never be the same
Rise about the pain not consumed
Time takes the hurt away
Only if those words could be taken back
Had good intensions left with a failed outcome
Growing apart instead of closer now divided
Sober living the toxic pushed out
On this lonely road moving forward
Sad to see them go holding on to fading memories

The unsung hero
Going the extra mile
Staying positive all the time
Even when things are bad
Does the ***** work
Used up tossed away
Doing what's right
While others do wrong
Decisions are made
Could be doing more
Settled for less
Down playing intellect
Could be do better

You love family but they'll throw you under slander your name. Make you out to be the bad guy because you're  not there to defend yourself. Eventually  you. Fade out it will catch up to them because they'll remain doing the same stuff and catch up to them.
Soon they'll have to own up for their wrong doing. Being cussed out by an aunt was deep changed your life perspective. Uncles that say you visit grandma for money when you dont ask or expect anything from anyone. Cousins that talk but not doing anything to make it better.
Instigating trying to manipulate  how others see you. As you get older you stop caring what others think especially if they don't help or do anything for you.
Having fun with life while they hate on you because your doing what you want most of all your own thing.

Music in these ears
Emotions from the pen
Feelings bleeding out
Inking it all in
Drawing to emotions
Walking down the isle
To theme music
Fans cheering or booing
A fan living the dream
Never thought it would happen
Working for this dream
Only one who seems to believe

Kept a distance to heal from the hurt
Takes a long time to recover
After my whole being was rejected
Denied by the ones I love
That hurts most deep down to the core
Because they don't have my heart
Or see the world the way I do
Seen them as an equal with value
Viewed as a joke not taken serious
Told how to act just being me
Who to be instead of living life

When your trying to change and they keep ******* you off
You don't want to talk smack but being provoked
Trying to be nice getting mad things get ugly
The person you use to be
You don't want to be
But morons bring the worse out
Same crap different faces

Out of respect and love for her
He stopped going to the gym
His female athlete friends
Made her jealous she was girly
He didn't want the burden
She had the nerve to complain
If he didn't work out
It was part of his routine
He'd gain weight not being consistent
She'd make a fuss causing frustration

Taking on the world is not the way
Face things that linger
In the back of your mind
Find closure in unfinished projects
Do the things that have been put on hold
Clear your mind from others insanity
Take a time out to compose your sanity
Breath in the refreshing silence
A fresh night ends in a calm pace
After a murky exhausting long day
Earning every dollar and cent at work
Head down plowing through till the end
Soothing your efforts deserved rest
Clear the mind let the body relax

He could feel his brothers pain and torment as he talked about those who wronged him. He would tell him don't talk about them they aren't worth it. Don't waste a thought or let them Rob you of your peace disturb you by robbing you of your sanity. The brother would claim it didn't bother him but his tone/demeanor would change.

Wide awake with these thoughts
Wondering will it happen or too late
Struggling socially usually witty and funny
End up being socially awkward instead
Have a mindful mouth that gets provoked
A private person don't impose your ideals
Asked for help got no response
Did what was best without guidance
Now sharing a negative opinion full of criticism
That the moment passed things got done

The argument played out in his head the anger. He was use to everyone being a jerkface what's different what changed. After his grandfather died the world seem more miserable than ever he lost his joy. Things didn't make sense so much change trying to stay away. They thought he was gay for having style criticized him for being educated. He was doing what he loved they told him he wasn't good enough. All it did was **** him off and inconvenience him.
He respected their time as they wasted his. He had to walk egg shells while he tolerated their nonsense. He wanted his life back he squatted to compose himself and took too long to get back up.

Some days you want to hide
Disappear fade away from it all
Hard to write hard to be okay
An older man struggles
Can't help but cry
Wanting to provide
Can't run away of hide
Wanting it to end
Dk where to start or begin
Trying to be better still going wrong

Growing on the rise a power struggle
Hustling to make it right get it done
Not talking just working harder
The talkers complain do nothing
Pushing through the shift being noble
Loyalty fades till something better comes along
Always hustling no one will do it for you
Respectful to the disrespectful learn to not expect much
Learn everything so you're not waiting or relying on anyone
Trust in your self believe when no one else does

Having time to think what matters and what doesn't overthinking thoughts. That have looped and go no where. There's always someone that has nothing going thinking they have the right to mess you. The question is always why?
I'm a very social person I do speak up. Always judged for being different that's okay because I'm not worried about you since you're going out of your way to be heard. I'm not wasting my time or energy on you. I got way more important things going on.
So what a person is heavy your not helping them why are you mad and complaining. A person is articulate with words you think he's fruity for it. Take time to better yourself instead of knock people thinking you'll bring them down to your level.
Step it up stop using others to cater to your not willing to grow or being open minded to learn something.
If you took time to understand to make sense. If its not for you easily walk away. ***** with so many labels and ideals you do what you like and what makes you happy. Just because you like something should make you a target

Those lips the day ours met
It was passionate over time went numb
There was someone else
The love grew distant so far away
Once close now complete strangers
He love was great but her hate was deep
Forgiving is better than holding a grudge
Self loathing no more stronger at the core
Trying to understand your frustration
It would destroy the day with bad vibes
Missing you made me sick
Letting go best way to heal

The people he loved the ones that mattered made him feel like a failure. A needy gf nothing was good enough. A family that rushed him but did everything late.
The double standards they made him feel bad for a mistake held it against him to keep him out. When they made a mistake he didn't care because the heat would be dumped on his lap.
He was done with being silent he knew the consequences. They'd try to make him look ghetto because called them on it. Talk about him gain numbers because they can't do it alone or in their own. Either way they made him feel awkward and uncomfortable. He stayed quiet they run their mouth or he spoke up and they had more reasons to talk

That never made since to me when a person has way more going on. And taking shots. I never seen that person as a challenge we both do our own thing.
I stay in my lane and my number got called why can't you be happy for me instead of trying to shadow my success. I had your back and supportive. It ***** you're the one trying to derail my success.  Knock my efforts. I never said anything unless asked.
I spoke the truth now you're mad because it's not what you want to here. I'll never be a yes man or let you bully me to do things your way. I've been doing my own thing if I have to deny myself to be accepted it's not worth it or my time. Too many rules that are not right. Sad how two faced a person expects you to be honest with them but will lie to your face.

He was older and tired
Didn't care for cliques
Refused to give up on himself
Give part of himself up to be accepted
Got use to being denied and rejected
Did the work didn't know
What to do next but made moves
Happy for everyone got inspired
No one was happy for him
Put his head down mouth shut
Showed up because he cared
Most just got paid and complained
Leading by example wasn't enough
He had social skills communication
Didn't like being responsible for others
Trying to motivate and inspire others
Doing the work is a must
Pursuing what you love
Doesn't happen right away
Respect the process taking the steps
Wearing his heart on his sleeve tired
Doing everyone's job is exhausting
They don't care to be there
Why should he compromise his schedule
Doing the work being called sensitive
Filling the void being called delusional
Took pride in his work and others
Called prideful while stepping it up
Doing all the things no one wanted to do

Being pulled in different directions. Staying loyal and true find balance
About to go over the edge
Had to cut toxic family
Love them keeping a distance
Falling into bad habits trying to chill
Trying to chill therapy sessions
Always the scapegoat getting the hate
Working at two locations
Not enough time barely getting by
Backed into a corner everyone happy
Building up foundation in the struggle
Trying to communicate be fair
Winning on one end giving it all
Losing on the other neglecting
****** expression showing frustration

The problem with being up beat and positive so many negative people try to make you a target so they feel better about themselves. You can't have an off day because they assume something is wrong.
Some days its better to be alone and compose your thoughts. Easier to be alone but do like when people aren't being consumed by their frustration and acting weird over a problem they have no way or control over.
It's easy to be yourself when you don't have others assuming, making you out to be someone you're not.

As I get older I just keep doing my thing and growing in the craft I love. Just because we don't agree or see eye to eye won't stop me because you chose to settle.
I've learned no matter what you do you can't please everyone.
You have an opinion or see different doesn't mean you can make me a target because you got caught up. You come at me with false narratives to distract me others because you've done worse

It's been a while
Reading more with a new mindset
Learning to do things differently
Getting older can't do it the same
Relying on basics being technical
Sister is getting married happy for her
Nephew and niece are growing up
Dealing with a terrible lead
Loyalty is lost the betrayal is real
Trying to find balance between work
Have a life outside of the drama
Separated from everything feeling isolated
Reading more not holding back
Once near death trying to live
Blessed and humble for a second chance
Trying to be there fear of missing out
Learning to say NO after being used
Burnt out focused on healthy relationships
Starting new friendships positive growth

Woke up early for work it's dark and wet out because of the rain debating on showering. Being wet in the cold staying positive through this transition. Not a lead but willing to step it up to get the job done. Half the crew was out now the whole crew will function as unit, Hopefully.
Thinking what needs to be done and how to get it done in a timely efficient manner. A young team trying to live up to old rules and standards learning to manage yourself without supervision from elders.  Doing your part not going against one another everyone has strengths and weaknesses play them accordingly.

Wanting to be better on this team, hoping they rise up as well. Determined to be the wild card ready to fill roles take on all obstacles to get the job done. Thankful for the job and know what it's like to not have a job.
Being judged by family looked down on now striving towards more not settling for less. Proving foes wrong never said anything bad about them but word came back around they had nothing good to say. I respect their opinions that plays no role in changing others.

The clown would make the world laugh
He took pride in it to see others smile
The laughter made his heart melt
Till one day he met a little girl
She was always mad and angry
The clown would use his routine
To make her laugh and smile
She would not change her ways
A face of stone no emotions
The clown was determined to get a reaction
Still no reaction the little girl didn't like his antics
She would kick him in the groin
The clown would cry shed a tear
This mean little girl would laugh and smile
Walk away the pain to gain happiness

Trying to forget memories with regret
Dreading vulnerability over a fling
Being true and loyal to the wrong person
Being deceived by lust mistaken for love
Greedy for more only to be cut off
Feeling real in the mind a lonely being
Imagining the future growing together
Cressed in the loving heart immune
The toxic spreads leading to defeat
It's fate ends crumbling down
Former lovers once again strangers
Close friends no longer tolerate another
Departing away from each other

Trying to be normal it's always a fight
Working harder than most seen as weak
Not a lead doing lead roles standing out
Want a healthy relationship everything so complicated
Health issues just want to enjoy life
Eat without worrying
How it will effect the body
Self destruction has taken its toll
Doing more positive and creative things
Tired of arguing with others tired
Trying to get along they are holding a grudge

Sobriety you lose friends
If we are drinking
We tolerate one another
Sober  with a clear mind
Better judgement less bitterness
Don't care for anothers company
Growing meaning letting go
Strength from those failed friends
Positivity gained from a toxic relationship
Love from the past fades
New gains from self love
Empowering yourself to do more
Trust leaving personal doubt
Make change for the better
Be the solution rise above problems

I don't mind helping others and giving my all. It ***** when they don't help or half *** the work. Making them look good while they **** all over you and your efforts.
Trying to move up I don't care to go through people but if they are in my way I hope they don't get mad when they get plowed down.
Trying not to cuss or joke because everyone is easily offended or quick to make things personal. Feeling provoked and taunted by others.
We are not the same and don't care to be like everyone.
The detox from anger used it as fuel to make it through
Changing for the better do what's right
Trying to not fall back into bad habits
Friends become stranger find love
Start relationships make family's
Departed friends never forgotten
Memories that get lost in thought
Pursuing a dream detached from reality
Reality is a tough ride holding onto life
Surviving making a living the grind

He elevated his feet so the swelling could go down
Frustrated because the transplant
He wants has yet to happen
Feeling discouraged about his life
Questioning his faith still believing
Watching the world series wanting Texas to win
But Arizona was a growing franchise
Kind of against it mild resentment
Because it's where the transplant will take place
Those calls get his hopes up and leave him disappointed
His love for everyone was strong
Thankful for his support group
Things were going strong in motion
Now they just stopped and slowing down
A year to get on the transplant list
Now 3 months on the list 2 calls of possible donors