The weight of the world crushing his chest making it hard to breathing. Trying not to disappoint others but disappointed in himself. Trying to find balance working at two location both important to him among the they don't matter. Trying to stay loyal to the old that took care of him. The new took a risk more demanding feeling numb
Just another face in the crowd from a lead to the number 2 guy.
Feeling like a spare tire on hold waiting to be used then back into the bark trunk after the job is done

Fighting to stay whole battle within
Crumbling under pressure the drama
Knees about to buckle overwhelming
Struggling to get by with life
Ready to quit give up at work
Around his kids found strength
Hid the misery smiled for them
Being able to provide made it right
Feeling worthy not wasteful with time
No time to be sad getting over the bad
Focused on the good being better

He questioned everything wasn't sure how to feel. He was running out of places to go, and relocate. He gave his all, everything to all the wrong people. It helped him grow be wiser make better decisions.
Staying positive in a negative world
Fueling my love trying to cancel out hate
Moving up no one left behind never too late
Broken trying to heal tough skin immune
Fighting this insanity shouldn't be the norm
Walked away from the pain flowing deep
Working hard to stand tall gain
Keeping the peace took a beating

Not wish bad on them
All the pain caused
The frustration over time
Not wishing bad on anyone
But it will comeback to them
Just trying to do my thing
Not going through anyone to get there
Using these skills not people
Focused on the work no drama
Don't care for politics hate gossip
Over caring the load of others
Dropped once something better
Comes along easily replaced
While waiting saving a spaces
Once it's filled quick to return
Tired work out feeling burned inside

Before he could see it feel it from the bottom of his heart. Everyone left when he came. He didn't make it right away but it was his time to shine. He failed the first time it made him humble. He missed it but it came back around so he was meant to have it. He never assumed it was his but never though it could be. Now it's happening got use to getting by when all he wanted was to do great things and feel accomplished while making the most of things.

He noticed the team leader cared too much whatever others think. They'd bad mouth him he'd do anything for their approval. Even though they'd slam his name. He'd rather **** up than be loyal to the people who had his back. His true colors shined above his rep that came with his tarnished career.
That part that wants to share that evil that was cast but willing to let it die within to keep the peace. Knowing better coping with this keeping the peace all the wrong will be made right overtime. Lots of prayer and meditation because working would strengthen him and the anxiety would gain as well. Reading to clear relax the mind.

He finally passed his test and got an interview things were on the ups getting better. He cut away from the older crowd because they act like his world evolves around them. He didn't like them being selective about being involved in his life. If he opened up to vent it wasn't for them to feel superior. He thought he could trust them with his feelings but he was wrong.
He became private now everyone tries to pry. He got tired of everyone ignoring him showing no interest in his life. He'd listen to everyone's problems trying provide solutions to be ignored.
He has a support group of all the most random people but he could be himself around

I've been to myself haven't had any opinions. Changing is good after a while you stop caring what others think they made up their mind. I respect their opinion but disagree. It doesn't matter because I know the truth it's my story to tell and not letting anyone dictate my future.
I've been respectful and treat people right because someone said how you treat people makes a difference. I try to be helpful and resourceful. During my recovery I see things different things I wanted I have but know it's not meant to be so it's better to keep focus.

Over a misunderstanding conflict occured. He didn't get his way his demeanor changed. Willing to bad mouth your character. make you out to be the bad guy since his life was in shambles. Sad how the respect went out the window from close to distant. The ties were cut family or not you don't try to expose a person because things aren't going your way.
Another scapegoat instead of owning up. More lies more betrayal and shady scandals going on. Better to walk away than be involved. Its heart breaking they say never again but its not the first or last time.
Neglecting responsibility making this appear worthless a lost cause. The value was gone meaningless not holding any value used it up then away with it onto the next.
Another reason to not get involved or care no remorse or sympathy.

That love was forbidden sweetest sins
One taste isn't enough hunger for more
Craving to be desired loved equally
Seeking the other half to be whole
Without that fix inner peace is disturbed
Life has been tough without controversy
Thoughts of new love hard to find
Too tough to feel anything
Rough times hide emotions
Hard to trust after all the betrayal
Aching to be desired with true love
Find the spark to start the fire
A kiss that takes the pain away
Hugs that makes bad memories fade
Empty inside feeling whole once again

A cold lonely night
Kids out on the hunt
Trick or treat
Some dressed as characters
Masks and costumes
Knocking on doors for candy
Outside is dandy with fun
Pumpkins carved candles lit
Decor on every house and corner
Don't be scared flirting with fear
Monsters and ghouls are near
Pretend to be some fun
After tonight back to normal
Happy Halloween

College is not who you are
Sometimes you unlearn and relearn
Encounter people from around the world
A small town boy becoming a man
He changed his location to be better
But home had his heart part of him
Taking those values into another world
The experience helped him grow
He was open minded to new cultures
His heart set on becoming somebody
But pushed everyone and thing away
He felt like a nobody trying be someone
Others made him out to be crazy
He fought to be himself taking criticism
Sometimes he wanted to disappear
Fade away take a time out from it all
Now he's down missing that world
Not sure where he belongs or fits in
Starting over was a hard step to take
But needed to be done no looking back
The past is a comfort food that is not nutritious
Never satisfied just addicted to the crunchy junk food

Back to school year of being the oldest
Balancing out work and school
Don't want to fail hard to balance out the two
The lack of a social life felt numb learned to go without
College in the late 30s an older person New look and vibe for life wanting to learn and apply the knowledge
Don't care to learn about racism
Grew up a minority already a disadvantage

He never said anything to them because all they did was talk about everyone. He never talked about anyone, if he has something to say he would said it to their face. They want everyone to chang, but never want to change themselves. He knew he wasn't perfect, so he never said anything about anyone.
He loved them but kept a distance since they wanted him to alter himself. He was over the fact they would pick and choose when to accept him. He went through change they dk his history or back story. He just wanted to be accepted for him out respect for his elders he kept his mouth shut.

He woke up ready to make it happen too much going on to be noticed. No one lives in the moment in anymore. Quick to record document everything.
Everyday come up with something new instead of letting material grow into something more. Feels like you can't settle  or take in. Older seeing what's in and it doesn't make sense.
These made up rules and standards that are used to keep people out. So many pretending to someone they are not.

He saw he from across the room
And wanted to know her name
Know more about her and interested
Her smile melted his heart
He never caught feelings right away
Things went well at the beginning
Then got worse as time progressed
Hot one minute then cold as ice
Taking her in for the last time
Soon he'd fade away from her
Denying those feelings was hard
Love was tainted lost value
Emotions faded away finally coped
Time made it easy pain relieved and went away

He hated running his pace was slow he felt like he could walk faster. With his cousin going around the block twice trying to maintain the same pace.
It wasn't a race he remembered the days when he would jog 5 miles everyday he was a teenager now an older man in his late 30s. Deep breaths trying to not let up and finish strong. Avoiding the sun because when he tanned he got dark right away.
He didn't care for the summer heat trying to stay hydrated in the garage training with his cousin doing pad work pushing one another to the limit bringing out the best in one another.
He was glad to be on this journey pursue next level ventures. Use to training seeing it as his big event. His cousin would be able do it. Very talented and young with lots of skills and heart that made a difference. They shared a dream but he let the politics of the sport bother him and hold back.

Trying to get it right no more covering for others in the end it falls on you. The stress could be overwhelming and the pressure crushing your heart because you want to do right make it better. No one cares they want it done only focused on the results. Instead of the steps and process it took to get there. For some doing the work is a must there's no short cut or hand out along the way. It's about maintaining everything finding balance to have some peace and closure.

He seen the error of his ways through someone else he was sorry and embarrassed for his actions sometimes they mean well other times other times it's a conflict of interest. Speaking up does cause conflict bumping heads and egos inflated and deflated clashing with one another.
Experience versus knowledge are factors that make or break the process two perspective that can't find a leveled ground.

Told you are like family its a scary thing because some family treats you right while others treat you like you don't matter. Fighting for your place making it easy for you to walk away. Disappear when things are bad ignored when things are going well. Tired of enabling rewarding bad behavior. The scapegoat no more not taking the blame for others life taking on what matters or what one can handle.
Doing what you love what makes you happy. Keeping life simple not complicating things. Staying out of others affairs don't care to mediate or listen because not one to tell a person what they want to hear but what they need to hear. Always respectful of the situation. Don't bad mouth a person you look like an idiot; when you go back acting like things are fine when they are truly worse off.
Mean what you say and say what you mean. Being observant your actions tell another story while your mouth lies spewing out another false narrative.

He was tired of arguing he didn't want to empower negative people feed their egos. They talked and ran their mouth as he walked away because they'd never own up and would blame him. He took responsibility for his actions and said sorry but never forgiven he changed by not repeating those actions.
He didn't like the burden of the world on his back he couldn't hold it or carry it anymore feeling crushed not able to breathe. He loved people didn't expect anyone to change expected them flaw and all. While anything he did would annoy and irritate everyone such a huge causing so much pain causing him to go numb and shut down. He hated that feeling just to be liked and accepted.
He wanted to be himself but couldn't because it felt like such a rip off and being cheated his living life to fullest ever since his brother passed away.

He looked at his hairy belly trying to remember his youth days where his body contained more muscle with had tons of energy.
Trying to feel more secure and confident about his appearance since he was single for too long but knew he didn't need anyone to make him happy. He would have to do that himself.
Working hard and thankful since he remembered what a tough time he had when he wasn't working his **** off. It wasn't right or the same anymore trying to go forward and not back.

From best friends to strangers
Went to school together
Hung out then grew up
Grew apart wanting different things
One was about bettering his situation
The other distracted by wild lifestyle
Partying with wild women
Both had bad habits one was a drinker
The other into trying a variety of drugs
One feared the friendship ending
The other gave up on everything
A girl came between them
One was sorry it happen the other would never forgive

Asked why do you write because it brings joy and passionate about it. Not doing it for money or looking for approval. This journey putting things into perspective taken bumps lots of mistakes learned to not do them again. Learning to forgive yourself is hard asking what could've been done different or how could it have been prevented. Be better for the future for next time when it happens.
Told stories said some real stuff got closure over things that were beyond out of control had no say in the matter. Took responsibility for ones self stopped blaming ones self because of others

New ways of life adapting and adjusting to the change. New chapters a new book can't keep reading the same book the ending will never change. Knowing the outcome time for a new outlook perspective on life.
New friends missing the old cut off those ones wishing they'd stay.
Everyone moved on finally doing the same. Holding on and squatting won't get you anywhere. Just falling behind trying to catch up. Matter make a difference so much opposition.

Listening to 90s R&B people talked about love and showing it. Now a days no one want to commit but wants all the perks of a relationship.
Lust is mistaken for love things get ruined go wrong to the point of no redemption. Always one sided love one wants more while the other doesn't want anything serious. Rejection leads to a broken heart the friendship is jeopardized due to the high hopes of this lustful situation becoming a relationship. Expectation leads to disappointed false hope that shatters emotions and feeling hopeless thinking the person who broke

Wanting forbidden love
Showing love getting none back
No longer associating with Haters
Loved a cheater don't blame yourself
Young love mistakes made
Fake friends you seen the truth
Sometimes you have to start over
It doesn't mean you've lost
People come and go like the season
Start a new chapter keep the story moving
Its a cleared path to something better

The argument looping in the mind
How things should be said
Doesn't come out accordingly
Outside x factors changing things up
Asking is it worth it does it matter
Judges minds are made up not a debate
Proving yourself doesn't matter
Impossible to redeem ones self
Proving them wrong things aren't right
From close to stranger more heat
Fake attitudes the danger cut so deep
Dk how to act won't let one another be
One with the grudge sorry is not enough
Other trying to change dying with bad habits
The frustration taking it's toll breaking out of this death grip

When he was at his worse they gave him crap. He thought tough love was a way of motivation but didn't like it. Then things got better and he still got the same treatment. He was done cut them off said no more because he did it his way. Their way didn't work for him
After he spoke up they tried to isolate him bad mouth him. He didn't care about his reputation anymore because he knew that he wasn't imposing or bothering anyone.
They'd never show him love or give him props unless they got credit crapping on his glory. Trying to take his moment making it about them. They weren't there when he needed them. He was always there for them even when they didn't want him and pushed him out.
He finally walked away cut the cord over all the discouragement. Tired of seeing them being two faced bad mouthing people than acting buddy buddy the two faced snakes.
He found confidence in himself without the shady people trying to weasel their way in to his life. He lost weight because he didn't let them throw a monkey wrench on his routine. Trying to guilt him like he did something wrong. He paid his way through and owed them nothing.
He loved them but all they did was hurt him make him feel inadequate.
Changing the rules in their favor he was over the games his life did not evolve around theirs. Praying for them because anything he did was wrong and didn't like people who are one sided.

Being able to vent have a voice into of focusing on work where its never ending trying to have a personal life outside of that. Trying to please never satisfied people gets old. Dealing with ungrateful being not wanting to do it anymore. its not enough the worse feeling or good enough when you gave maximum effort where your exhausted burnt out to still be criticized by the people whom put you down instead of bring you up