Learning to conversate with others
If you could be yourself those are the people that are welcome
I don't care for material possessions it doesn't make you a better person
Treat people right looks don't matter
Getting older rely on personality over time looks fade
Thankful for my friends that accept me
Let go of the people who talk bad behind my back
Not feeding into the nonsense enjoying life

On the mats tired and sore
Crazy enough to comeback for more
Learning to take down shoot for legs
A fraid to catch a knee to the face
Trying not to injure others
Staying positive rolling to learn
With an aggressive teammate
Help them and they'll help you grow
Being able to hang in action get a reaction
Taking pieces put them together like legos
Gi is a resource tool using the lapel
Restrain an opponent extra grips
Cup and grasp with no Gi
Frame up hold a position to gain points

Praying for a friend who had a mild stroke. She has children that the family be healed and united.
For his cousin with 3 kids with 3 babies mommas. That he would get his life together and be a provider.
Gave it to God  because he's a man and can't do it alone on his own. Asking to be forgiven having a hard time Forgiving himself.
He forgave others to have peace, most never forgive him. He quick to move on pursuing his dream even though it's on hold because he wants to get his health right first.
He was interested in dating a nurse but sick of being in and out of the hospital. Thought about dating but the way it works now doesn't make sense.
Everyone wants all the perks of a relationship but no commitment. He was old school date for a while make it a relationship hopefully it would lead to marriage and kids making a family.

He always communicated got ignored. They'd ask for his opinion to do the opposite. He couldn't open up because they would twist his words against him. He never made plans because the people he'd invite would cancel or no show. If the roles were switched he would be there. He doesn't trust because they cheat trying to blame him for their actions. He gets tired of waiting and asking, because no one cares. what he wants, its not important to them.
When things are going well, someone always makes him feel bad for investing himself. Most of all his time, doing what he likes and loves. No one is happy for him, its never enough. Always discredit his efforts feeling unworthy or whatever he was doing wasn't important.

The happy couple went to the library. She needed material for school they would look through the books by category. He was enjoying the time together. It's was young and new the puppy love was distracting but they were both in the moment.
She looked at him her eyes lit up, it took him away. He thought she was the one he sat down on the floor. she would straddle him. His heart would she kissed him it took his stress away.
They talked getting to know one another he opened up which was hard for him. No one listened tired of not being heard.

Use to be angry things never went my way. It was an uphill battle I plowed through got to the top but took a beating along way. Dealing with people that don't value and expect me to cater to their feelings.
I write because if I vent the person seems to have a sad story that tops mine. It's not a competition the worse I'd I shut down ignore what I'm feeling; whats on my mind. It ***** I have to seek professional help so I can be there for my friends. Writing is cheap therapy.
Trying to to live and share my experiences to let others know they are not alone. I love funny stories I feel like it could only happen to me. I share them to cheer others up. I relive moment putting a smile on others face.

Hard to sleep thinking about the future
Part of a hard working team
Hoping it doesn't get cancelled
Found confidence in the pad work
Glad someone trusted and believed in you
Set aside on the sidelines due to injury
Always looking in thinking about it
Loved the sport gave it everything
Even when he came up short a new role
Opportunity presented itself applied for it
He made those moves needed change
Hoping it wasn't false promise
Trying to finish strong after so many detours
The journey with the roadblocks
Trying to go through come out unscathed
Bounce back after taking a few bumps

College is not who you are
Sometimes you unlearn and relearn
Encounter people from around the world
A small town boy becoming a man
He changed his location to be better
But home had his heart part of him
Taking those values into another world
The experience helped him grow
He was open minded to new cultures
His heart set on becoming somebody
But pushed everyone and thing away
He felt like a nobody trying be someone
Others made him out to be crazy
He fought to be himself taking criticism
Sometimes he wanted to disappear
Fade away take a time out from it all
Now he's down missing that world
Not sure where he belongs or fits in
Starting over was a hard step to take
But needed to be done no looking back
The past is a comfort food that is not nutritious
Never satisfied just addicted to the crunchy junk food

He was worried about the transplant
Lost in his writing being productive
He'd rather live life than be distracted
Picked friendships over his relationships
Both never returned the favor
Dealing with trust issues overcome
Told the truth facing confrontation
His rivals are manipulating cheaters
Trying to take him down No surrender
Not backing down taking on other battles
Stood his ground easier to walk away
Enemies loaded full of lies
In the line of fire taking shots
Now all alone with health issues

Times have changed old traditions fade. While the new so called norms are imposed. Looked out for others while everything was for their own personal gain. Breaking away not nothing with anyone. Pursuing a dream trying to match energies. Always on everyone's terms and time not respecting his efforts.
Seeing things not liking the changes because it was an obstacle now it was gone and didn't matter. Stopped empowering judgemental people. No longer listening to toxic. They'll point out the flaw before giving you props.
Find ways to discredit you so they can feel secure. Not talking about anyone but they'll dump foul language on your name. It faded away finding love and strength going forward. Not living in the past or that person anymore. Someone new not memories of the past.

Born in California with American values
Stood up for the flag and said the pledge of allegiance
Prayed to God walked strong with faith
Grew up poor worked hard to rise above
Judged by the color of my skin
Not playing the race card working for it
Speaking English polite with manners
Judged my people for not knowing Spanish
Not one to give up on family values and traditions
Breaking away open to growth
Speak when spoken to out of respect
Unconditional love without terms and conditions
It's not always your place to say anything.
Not always heard able to have an opinion
The sense of belonging able to be yourself
With having to fight for a spot
Prove you belong being loyal and true
Lost norms that need to be brought back

He woke hung over the bright sunlight
Dehydrated with eyes sensitive to light
Not Remembering a blue
What happened the night before
So much has change with say
Fear of the unknown leaving the past
Everything slipping away
Grasping for life trying to find balance
More peace within and base

Blood doesn't make family or true
All the humility bleeds out scars up
Pride battles the ego internal conflict
Destroys another the struggle within
The old life gutted with a knife
Changes over time healing growing strong
Going through the crazy to stay sane
All the hurt and pain fades away
Working hard to finish strong
Took the test open opportunity
Presented itself chasing the dream
After waking from the nightmare

Reflecting on the years
Overcome pain and fears
Those tough times left behind
From loving the wrong girl
To doing what's right
Broke to working overtime
Thankful for the chance
Making the most of opportunities
Got chopped down build back up
Don't like being to how to act
Walked away from disrespect
Hurt like hell but don't need the hate
Learned to take criticism
Being corrected to be better works
Walked away from the negative

All you wanted was to make it
Share that moment with everyone
All they did was ruin it look down on you
From caring too much to not giving a ****
You valued them always much love
Now all they do is hate on you
The disrespect made it easier to step
Not giving them a reason to talk
No longer enabling them to have a say
Staying away doing more than before
Free to do whatever not married
Able to enjoy life no kids choices were made
He worked hard trying to get paid
Made more so about anyone anymore
Stayed out got more confidence
Brought in feeling drained not the stepping stone
No longer the scapegoat found closure
Being a rebel alone getting it done
Making it fun over complicated drama

Sad how everyone changed
Hoping for the better it was worse
This life tough feeling like a curse
Helped they wouldn't do the same
So much frustration causing pain
Learning to trust no respect is gained
Talking about childhood moments
Letting it out not holding on
Feeling free able to talk about it
Not feeling trapped or restrained
Holding on for life don't want it to end
Starting over is hard doing is easy

A place to show emotions be able to express your feelings without ridicule. Without doubt being able to be free from hate allow yourself to be great. Not have your ego deflated while working on self improvement.
Being told you're nobody by someone that's making no effort. Trying to make you feel like nothing while working hard for everything trying to build while maintaining everything
Find balance dealing with tough scenarios facing complicated people. Not able to please everyone focused on what the heart loves so the mind could stop overthinking

He looked out but some let their problems spill over on others
When he cared no one gave a ****
Now that he doesn't everyone fakes interest
They are worse as time progress
He stayed out after being pushed out
Only included at their best interest
They wanted to wipe him out
After he said NO or want able to make their plan work
It wasn't his job to do their work
He wasn't responsible for their happiness
As they tried to **** his joy he was thankful people did favors but hated when It was thrown in his face
When you don't get involved they include you. Before fighting to be included to be ignored

Able to let it out able to share so many not talking about it. Pretending to be normal been a while no one communicates stuck in their own insanity. Show some feeling emotion all it does is fester up. Ready to explode can't take it or hold on anymore ready to fall leap of faith. Always making the most of things working with what's given. Life's never going to play out as planned make it work keep trying when its not your favor. Moments come and go make them count by making the most of things. Living it while others are giving up.

After the surgery feeling gutted
Pain tolerance high focused on work
Writing to feel mild expression
Sometimes emotions are numb
Trying to stay positive and upbeat
While everyone wallows in misery
Not into drama staying clear
Don't care for the circle ****
Avoiding egos with bad attitudes
Rejecting toxic vines of negativity
Called selfish for being alone
Denied trying to fit in why bother
Over all the contradiction and lies
Hated for being honest being genuine
While the fake try to take you down
Not wishing bad like they do
I pray things get better and stay away

Forgiving and moving on
Last day on a birthday
Leaving a parting away gift
Thought things changed
One forgave all the shady behavior
While the other holds a grudge
Never seeing eye to eye
The rising star burns bright
While the old set in old ways
Everything changes more modern
Can't stay or do it the same
Evolving can't stay down
In the background forever
Clashing with a lead over respect
One sided argument being ignored
Not afraid to speak up take a stance
Say NO not a yes man anymore
Forgive move on start a new
Missing the coworkers companionship
Who made work fun more tolerable

Coaching was stressful being a corner man making sure the fighter was ready to go learned where the weaknesses are so that we could be better prep for the next fight.  Keep the mind sharp such a process writing about the experience on the road and on the Go.
A new feeling and experience when they do good that's on them when they fail its where we start and build on because so much transition breaking through to level up. Get to the next level not sure what to say and how to say it so the process leads to progress in the sport.
Not trying to lose or fail but that's where the growth begins. Trying to help in a new situation next level earning respect  building trust.

Putting his body through hell
Taking the punishment to clear his mind
Waking up with a sore and tender body
Lower back pain that rang through the nerves
In the mirror seeing a swelled face that took a beating
Flirting with pain obsessed with the agony
The tortured soul finding pleasure in the insanity

He loved the sport and coaching for it. Feeling aged out but missed so much. Times have changed everyone tries to be a brand or product instead of being invested in the sport. He didn't care for gimmicks just hard working individuals that give their all.
Drilling hard going through the motions. The urge within is deep learning and listening to improve. The thoughts are looping, piecing together all the technique.
His mind was ******* up after failed love being with the wrong person who didn't believe in him. He didn't have to prove himself when he did it was for all the wrong people.
He knew the highs and lows the dark side of the sport. Missing the mats getting back into it doing pad work. He was obsessed before lost his focus now he's focused trying to learn and teach others what he knows they can grow and improve.

Keep bouncing back. After this surgery a few months on the sidelines I'm humble lots of personal growth. Writing has change trying not to complain and make the most of things. Adjust and adapt. Always fighting but don't care I'm just going to do the right thing.
I don't make anyone look bad, I chose to work hard do my best to do it done. Why you chose to politic about the job doing nothing.  Making it hard for the next guy when you should be the guy.
Make it happen stand out. The right people will appreciate you. Take pride in your work. People will criticize that's when you ask them how do I improve this problem. I try to provide a solution sometimes people want to give you a hard time.
Before I'd get annoyed, talk to me about it. Don't talk about others it will circle back. I meet awesome people but if they are being negative I could be like a mood ring and that bad juju is not for me. I didn't myself focus on my work and writing.

Training with my cousin for his fight annoyed it got postponed. It was helping build confidence and keeping my mind sharp. Always scared to show love or get attached things get taken away or never go according to plan. Been hanging in there ready to break out start over new. Tired of drifting being let go dragged around wandering lost when it feels close to being there. I dont like when things end but it means level up.

They come at you it's whatever
You spoke up against them your crazy
Avoiding the drama all the insanity
Faded out as they pretend to care
When your involved it's a problem
When they make calls keeping you out
Staying humble while everyone is still mad
Holding a grudge a one sided arguments
A conversation that was never had just blaming and pointing fingers
Size doesn't make you smart or better
Intimidating others doesn't get you anywhere
Having money doesn't make you a better person you can't by morals or respect
Don't BS people some see through the act too bad you lie and cheat selling yourself short
Knocking others doesn't make you a better person
Always excluded and ignored he learned to stay out of it not needing anything from anyone since no one was genuine

Growing up knowing better so many things that are taboo have become socially accepted. Changing your mindset is hard but somethings aren't good anyway. Not one to force or impose beliefs on anyone. Mostly respectful of others choices and decisions.
Once you disagree or speak up they try to exclude or cut you out because you had an opinion not respecting your differences. Its foolish and selfish for them to expect you to give up; who you are so they could be happy.
They want you to change, but already going through changes.
Minding your mouth and business is easy seems life everyone is trying to get inside your head. Don't give or tell them anything because they'll try to rob you of your peace.

He noticed the team leader cared too much whatever others think. They'd bad mouth him he'd do anything for their approval. Even though they'd slam his name. He'd rather **** up than be loyal to the people who had his back. His true colors shined above his rep that came with his tarnished career.
That part that wants to share that evil that was cast but willing to let it die within to keep the peace. Knowing better coping with this keeping the peace all the wrong will be made right overtime. Lots of prayer and meditation because working would strengthen him and the anxiety would gain as well. Reading to clear relax the mind.

The mind playing tricks on him. All the love for her was gone denying a huge part of himself. He didn't need judges in his life. He was his worse critic dieing inside trying to survive the internal struggle. Memories fading flashbacks going dimming into the darkness.
Everything changed walking through the crazy things are better now. Kept his head up when all he wanted to do was keep it down all those burdens crushing the heart he wore on his sleeve.
He was called crazy for showing emotion. Got lost in his feelings trying to help others. Made out to be an *** for not speaking up or saying anything. Lost in his thoughts made out to be delusional.

Minding your business then boom blind sided by family
Climbing to get out of the struggle whole everyone has embraced it
Facing the world isn't enough
Feeling betrayed should've been expected
Would never do it to them like they did you
Avoiding people becomes more comforting
Getting hints not bending over backwards
They don't want you to lie
But don't wanna hear the truth
Seen them as a priority treated like an option
Seen them grow up stayed outta the way
Now they are their own person
Coming at you like you owe them
Let's be civil talk things out
Instead of holding a grudge

Some days are easy working for it
While others are hard barely getting by
Trying to be strong for family
Keep trucking for peers a team player
Giving your everything possible
Feels like it's not enough exhausted
Eating right, struggling with energy
Feeling more energized taking risks
From one of the guys doing your part
Doing what needs to be done
Working hard to become the guy
Want to be able to be normal
This health condition is not an excuse
Over doctors' appointments never ending
Giving blood scans and tests
Mental health draining talking about it
Feeling restless pulled in many directions

Apologized for the wrong doing
Still penalized the grudge going strong
Changed behavior seen the same
Living in the present not the past
Dealing with difficult people
Prefer to keep a distance
Stayed away tried to help
Gave advice to be ignored
Tired of being the voice of reason
Depart from negativity bad vibes
Prefer to be solo not into crowds
Wanted to be close turned away

Journals on deck filling those pages
Feeling built up taking down walls
Emotions bleed through ink
Put them up to keep others out
Feeling trapped escaped the pain
Moved on getting out new mindset
Find someone new that accepts you
A healthy relationship with true love
Be yourself the right ones will follow
The snakes and phonies fade away
Out of the comfort zone next level
Writing sets you free try to visualize it
Believe feel it from deep down

Hard to be free when others impose
Be yourself when everyone is fake
How you mad at others for working
Who spend the money that's theirs  
They earn without your say
The stuff you complain about
Doing the same why give them shade
Telling others to do things you never did
All these made up standards
You own a house not people
Some work hard to pay rent to survive
Make a living investing in the future
While piggy back talking down on others
Trying to take charge with devious ways
Dividing the family everyone was united
Stealing from grandma will comeback
Hand in her bank account blaming family
Living outside your means the deceit