Determined to make it through the day. Enjoy the next three days off composing ones self and coped with all the anger frustration let it all go. Not worthy of holding onto letting go of those that disrupt his inner peace.
Watching them crumble before his eyes. Staying composed not quick to surrender to evil now a peacemaker instead of the chaos of others.

He turned away not wanting to argue
Tired of fighting nothing changed
Put his down and focused on his work
Didn't want others to see him bad think less of him
He thought highly of those who knocked him
Going where he felt valued for himself
Instead of useless and unwelcomed
His opinion mattered actually heard
Not a place holder but belonging at the table

Feeling empty when he didn't read his bible. Always feeling like the world is against him. Being judged while being in the rut working hard trying to be invisible get through the work week. Found peace and closure alone most point out his flaws or tell him his wrongs.
He didn't ask or bother with people they always hurt his feelings or let him down. He didn't expect much of others but started expecting more for himself.
He use to joke about being the threat because most tried to come at him he'd check them. Now he turns away knowing better than to waste his time on things and people that did not respect or value his time.  Never talking about people but they always had something to say about him. Making things personal because they had nothing on him. As the threat making them feel insecure coming at him since he didn't give them their way. Giving him crap for not doing things annoyed with him trying to assassin his character to feel empowered.
Grandpa told him you don't have to say anything when you haven't done wrong others trying to include you in the drama that's none of your business.

Nice to have an adult conversation where no one gets mad or hates you for having an opinion. Speak your mind and not have them think less of you.
Recovering focused on work get my area back in check. Trying to help train people because dealt with people, who claim to know but have no clue.
If your bust your **** and listen people will help you. But if you think you know it all,  people won't bother with you. I've learned to be humble by minding my mouth and business. Still open to grow and learn.

I don't mind helping others and giving my all. It ***** when they don't help or half *** the work. Making them look good while they **** all over you and your efforts.
Trying to move up I don't care to go through people but if they are in my way I hope they don't get mad when they get plowed down.
Trying not to cuss or joke because everyone is easily offended or quick to make things personal. Feeling provoked and taunted by others.
We are not the same and don't care to be like everyone.
The detox from anger used it as fuel to make it through
Changing for the better do what's right
Trying to not fall back into bad habits
Friends become stranger find love
Start relationships make family's
Departed friends never forgotten
Memories that get lost in thought
Pursuing a dream detached from reality
Reality is a tough ride holding onto life
Surviving making a living the grind

It was over but he wasn't scared to start over
He had so much knowledge gained from the experience
He didn't want to leave anything behind
Moving on was easy started over before
He feared his past would come back to haunt him
People reminding him who he was
The new wasn't given a chance
Trying to move on but can't constantly reminded

That lingering thought to compete
Knowing what it takes to rise up
Get in the gym go through the motions
Days and nights giving your all
Being sore after training slower recovery
Balancing the sport and work to survive
All that hard work going towards a goal
Always going hard no towards something
Preparing for this event physically
Mentally focused learn apply the technique

He didn't want to argue, but he was tired of being disrespected. He wasn't materialistic he valued people even if they didn't value who he is. All he wanted was to be himself without being stripped down told; how to act, and how to be. He did his own thing stopped seeking approval walked alone.
Tired of others using numbers to come up with false narrative. They did worse but he didn't care to judge them or hold it against them.

He woke up sore and sunburned trying to redeem what was lost. The standards were high and now they are gone, let go a new lead no control. Picking up all the slack dealing with a two face another case of getting caught up.
Questioning where to go and does it matter. Making a difference at what cost so much on the line redefined. Trying to move up at the bottom working to belong this doesn't feel right so much has gone wrong. Trying to make it right minding this mouth it will cause drama.
Don't care to make things worse trying to do what's right. Giving everything earning that pay. Roughing it out being strong building character a yeah player being played holding a large load ready to move on let it go being pulled ripped apart in different directions.

Woke up sore from training and cardio he wanted to get back to doing it slowly work for it. He wasn't use to it or sure he'd get back to those crazy obsessed dazes.
Older now not stressing over body image all he wanted was for his clothes to not fit so tight or snug. He lacked a social life that would soon consume him distracting him from his training.
Dieting was key but hard since he was an emotional eater his job was demanding he was on the go making time. finding balance was the hard part.

I know I'm getting older when I don't care to argue. If you do the work it will fall into place. Tired of dealing with people that dk my story and expect me to give up what I'm doing or step aside because they think my efforts don't matter.
I respect your choices and decisions don't try to intrude on my time and efforts with an opinion no one asked for. I'll give my opinion when asked I don't go out of my way to impose my beliefs on others.
Everyone grew up and raised differently I was taught to work hard for yours. No one is going to do it for you. I understand things change but I was taught it was wrong so I'm not going to do it.
I learned to stick to my morals and stay close to my beliefs. Grew up low income and willing to help/ work hard because I know what it's like to go without.

Get tired of listening to all the talk been doing for some time now. Questioning all the nonsense all the wild and crazy nonsense. Seen as stubborn while being judged by people, who dk the life that's been lived. What this journey has taken the person through. Eyes that have seen some stuff ears that have heard bad trying to be justified. Felt betrayed thinking people would do the right thing. Expectations too high from their word while their actions are for their own selfish gain.

Stopped holding it in, protecting the shady that play the victim. They talk bad about others to feel superior can't do it alone so they recruit more haters. Never conform to their made up plan that doesn't apply until they need something. Once you can't they see you as the worse treat you like you don't matter. Sad about these people was open honest and genuine. Treated them right and fair. Now they don't care acting like you own them. They didn't get their way now they don't care about you anymore

Fear of death with cirrhosis
A clean diet can't appreciate life
Use to be a wild one growing up
Older and slowing down with age
Working for medical insurance
Going strong still able seen as a liability
Not making excuses being responsible
A worker after being around lazy people
High energy so many choose to be lazy
Keeping his mouth closed to avoid drama
Once it opens there's trouble on the rise
Working for health insurance to live
While others collect make no effort
Hated for the truth while lies get praised
Writing putting thought into perspective
Processing ideas that others share
Being creative not always in the moment

If I could change the past I would
So much pain over the years
Dividing everyone that use to be close
The death of a brother causing trauma
Watching the burial changes a person
Our friend died in a tragic bus accident
Wish this pride didn't keep us apart
These angry egos causing separation
Not invited to the wedding feeling excluded
United the singles making them a couple
A relationship to a family wish the best
Friends to strangers now divided
Once was close no longer the same

He'd give everything up for everyone he loved. After a while he felt taken for granted overwhelmed. He thought highly of them and they treated him like he was worthless. Treating them fair telling him he was crazy.
Able to step outside of his comfort zone tired of feeling boxed in. Shining more while everyone gave him crap causing him to doubt himself.
Part of the team hoping everything works itself out instead of false promises and ideal outcomes

Being my own man growing up
Not like my parents an individual
Being my own man standing tall
Trying to survive the struggle
Grew up around addiction
Bad habits over family love
No way to raise a child
Trying not to repeat history
Fear of the unknown a mystery
Writing to keep a clear mind
Facing the truth embracing reality
In love with the truth inside out
In a world of lies dieing inside

Instead of worrying that it didn't happen. Asking what's next setting new goals and pursuing the ones that have been placed on hold. Finally a set schedule to work with and around. One location instead of two.
Asking why can't it happen instead of the same roadblocks and detours. Past due missed so many moments. Somethings because you can and other times asking why all the possibilities.
The outcome does always turn out the way you visualize them. While those ex factors pop up throwing things off. Turning things upside down and the thought of being wrong didn't expect the results that occured. Trying to make the moment perfect but it never happen hoping the opportunity would come back around.
All these mind swapping thoughts sometimes it's too good to be true other times in conflict not believing how everything went wrong. Trying to reflect on the good hard to do when bad tries to shadow all those efforts.

Trying not to take it personal
Always working for more
Not settling for less made moves
Came up short running out of time
Doing as much possible with little time
On the outs but back in struggling
Helping out been in that spot before
Sad that burden is on someone else
Trying to be fair getting ******* over
Everyone talks about one another than each other
Expecting respect being disrespectful
Saying one thing but doing another
Pointing out others bad habits
While doing the same thing

He ran into an old friend. She smiled but couldn't place her face. He thought I know this person he observed her name tag. Then it clicked an old school colleague. He realized everyone was getting older most hide their age but she was very natural some white hair. He realized he didn't look the same from high school. Did she remember him recall his face or was he just another stranger from the past that's forgotten.

Watching them grow avoiding the drama always on the go. Always a private person no one needs to know or tell my business. Don't like being responsible for others since they are quick to blame than own up.
He walked away as they act like they pushed him out. Made him out to be the bad guy to justify their cruelty. Making it one sided it's always about him never what they did.
He let them run their mouth it would eventually end up in their mouth. He left and not looking back let go of those feeling he use to hoarder away.

He was the oldest trying to be his own man so many trying to shadow him and knock him. The worse is when it was his family. Talking about him behind his back never to his face. He learned to not say anything because everything got made personal.
He made suggestions had an opinion. Now they try to bury him take him out in the numbers. He wasn't scared to be alone so much bugged him. He never said anything to or about anyone. But they has so much to say against him. He was human as they tried to make him out to be a monster. Thought he was someone else all he wanted was to be himself.
Focused on work since it was so demanding and writing it gave him peace and closure when everyone else was burdening others with their frustrations instead of dealing with it.

How is that a friend someone who tries to get under your skin. Talk about sabotage that's messed up. He minded his mouth but when he spoke up it usually got him hated.
The frustration dealing with people who dumped their work on him. He got it done but didn't feel like a friend or things are done professionally. He made the most of thing did his job and went home.
Doing what he could with his limited time. Trying to make a difference leave things better than how he found them. Stood up alone feeling provoked.

Older now asking where the time went. Yet to be in a healthy relationship. Dated all the wrong girls. Always creating pursuing a dream that makes sense, instead of having kids then settling down. Called crazy for trying told, it's never been done. Did things that have never been done quick to get backlash if something goes wrong. A chip on this shoulder growing older feeling bolder cozy in this thick skin.

She claimed to love him now she's marries.
She didn't want kids had them with someone  else
He wanted her to be his girl she said no and went with someone else.
He asked her for a kiss she said no she was loyal to all the wrong wrong guys.
All these moments flashed in the back of his mind
The thought about dating but it's changed the thought of rejection would not help the progress.

Times have changed old traditions fade. While the new so called norms are imposed. Looked out for others while everything was for their own personal gain. Breaking away not nothing with anyone. Pursuing a dream trying to match energies. Always on everyone's terms and time not respecting his efforts.
Seeing things not liking the changes because it was an obstacle now it was gone and didn't matter. Stopped empowering judgemental people. No longer listening to toxic. They'll point out the flaw before giving you props.
Find ways to discredit you so they can feel secure. Not talking about anyone but they'll dump foul language on your name. It faded away finding love and strength going forward. Not living in the past or that person anymore. Someone new not memories of the past.

Adapting to medication
Anxiety messes with the mind
Thinking too much
Made up scenarios
Playing the role out of place
Feeling excluded from everything
Most of all ignored by everyone
Mind looping everywhere
Not able to change the past
Prepared better for the future

He was thankful to be working
Glad to be free escape the old ways
Those that didn't value his persona
Open mind to change over the routine
Memories remain time for new
Grew up with tough love hard to trust
Not a doormat to be stepped on
Secrets told suppose to be private
Opened up to the wrong people
He valued them as they talked bad
Being different gave him an edge
Took the blame without knowing
Easing the pain of others

The unsung hero
Going the extra mile
Staying positive all the time
Even when things are bad
Does the ***** work
Used up tossed away
Doing what's right
While others do wrong
Decisions are made
Could be doing more
Settled for less
Down playing intellect
Could be do better

Sometimes you watch everything to make sure it's safe. All these lies not sure why he stayed. He thought They'd do the right thing. All he needed was a chance an opportunity someone to believe.
Half the time it was a struggle ignored but only talked to when they needed something. Covered for people he couldn't expect the same. Learned to not depend or rely on him. When he though they had his back it would end up being thrown in his face. The betrayal was infuriating. He learned to say NO and keep a distance.

Growing up knowing better so many things that are taboo have become socially accepted. Changing your mindset is hard but somethings aren't good anyway. Not one to force or impose beliefs on anyone. Mostly respectful of others choices and decisions.
Once you disagree or speak up they try to exclude or cut you out because you had an opinion not respecting your differences. Its foolish and selfish for them to expect you to give up; who you are so they could be happy.
They want you to change, but already going through changes.
Minding your mouth and business is easy seems life everyone is trying to get inside your head. Don't give or tell them anything because they'll try to rob you of your peace.

Taking pride in his work feeling insulted
By those who just show up and whatever
Giving his all while others careless about him and his efforts
Told himself work harder set the bar
Raise the standards give them value
Watched them leave it all behind
While he established himself trying to make a difference
Being knocked by everyone but bouncing back
Told he couldn't do it but did it anyway
They said it didn't matter but it made a difference
On the outside looking in once he got in
After being kept out it wasn't the same anymore

He loved the sport and coaching for it. Feeling aged out but missed so much. Times have changed everyone tries to be a brand or product instead of being invested in the sport. He didn't care for gimmicks just hard working individuals that give their all.
Drilling hard going through the motions. The urge within is deep learning and listening to improve. The thoughts are looping, piecing together all the technique.
His mind was ******* up after failed love being with the wrong person who didn't believe in him. He didn't have to prove himself when he did it was for all the wrong people.
He knew the highs and lows the dark side of the sport. Missing the mats getting back into it doing pad work. He was obsessed before lost his focus now he's focused trying to learn and teach others what he knows they can grow and improve.

His writing would get him in trouble like his mouth. Telling the truth made others see the truth but didn't how to deal with it. He got it off his chest writing with anger didn't do any favors.
When he wrote it was about how others made him feel and wrote what he thought to escape all the anguish it caused him. Letting others know they arent the only one or alone.

He was in love with her and didn't want anyone else. She called him a player when she was the one making the rules to her game. He wanted her to be his one and only. Turns out he was her one of many not the only one she was involved with stringing them along.
He forgave her accepted her flaw and all turns out it was not meant to be. Love was his drug addicted and could never get that fix to be satisfied the more he tried she got more distant. He couldn't figure it out trying to understand make sense of it all.
Eventually he walked away learning only he could make himself happy and not leave it in the hands of others. Even though he loved her he wasn't responsible for her happiness. He had to wise up protect his heart since it was being tormented by someone who didn't match how he felt or put forth the same amount of every.

Putting his body through hell
Taking the punishment to clear his mind
Waking up with a sore and tender body
Lower back pain that rang through the nerves
In the mirror seeing a swelled face that took a beating
Flirting with pain obsessed with the agony
The tortured soul finding pleasure in the insanity