He embraced silence tired of being told how to think. Not easy to open up since its not safe to open up. He wrote so he wouldn't be lost in his thoughts. After analyzing the situation up and down; all around till it lost meaning. Did it mean anything, did it matter?
He worked hard to stand out while some did nothing making him out to be a threat because he actually cared showed interest. All he did was make it easy for himself if others benefited it was a bonus.
Burned out from the sun lots of yard work. Not a lead but leading by example. He worked trying to get in while those **** up given the opportunity.
He was a harder worker busting his never kissing up. He believed his hard work stood on his own. He didn't complain or bicker just trying to leave his print make a difference

When your trying to change and they keep ******* you off
You don't want to talk smack but being provoked
Trying to be nice getting mad things get ugly
The person you use to be
You don't want to be
But morons bring the worse out
Same crap different faces

Thankful for the people who told me to do something that they should've been doing. I didn't get mad, but seen it as an opportunity to learn and grow.

Don't tell me your doing something turns out you don't contribute. Talk about people because you are threatened everyone has moved up. while you remain stuck in the same place.

How does a person slander others behind their back and fake to their fake acting like they are loyal and true. I don't welcome or tolerate people who BS everyone. Your act runs thin everyone knows the truth.

Not your friend anymore
I'd back you up never spoke bad
While you bad mouth my name
Don't talk on my behalf
No room for a dishonest representative
You don't represent my name
Keep it out of that deceitful mouth
We no longer associate over the lies
Not catching heat guilt by association
Focused on winning not defeat
Stop blaming others for your fault
Own up for the wrong drama you caused
Had to cut ties not going to get caught up
Over stuff that has nothing to do with me

Always loved family don't care to be boxed in or labeled be my own person. Not materialistic or quick to judge anyone. So many made up false standards. people expect you to live upto but aren't even following those made up rules. Always trying to live life don't need much to be happy. Don't need to knock others to feel secure. Dealing with insecurity asking how to improve be better focused on what I'm passion about. Writing always helps clear the mind, and music feeling the groove room to grow improve.

The weight on his heart he loved his family
Not sure how to make the wrong right
Someone was always mad with no given reason
Holding a grudge till death the only way
More silent treatment with hate filled glares
The cold shoulder with icy vibrations
Sorry isn't enough giving a bad attitude space
Not dealing with tempers or putting up with temper tantrums
Living life no need for a guilt trip
Pursing love and passion not feeding egos
Waiting around to be accepted will never happen

Doing your job picking up the slack
Learning to socialize doing my part
Some don't care dump it on others
Being a teams player taking bumps
So much pressure from all
Do too much they expect it
Have an off day can't let up
They'll assume you're being lazy
Trying to put out the same energy
Slowing down plowing through
Burnt out earning every cent
Pushing through drained from it all
Given chance not letting anymore down
A new role living up to the hype
Since no one else wants it or cares

He changed his image it didn't matter the work was the same. Wanting more but it was never enough. Usually anti establishment but found himself trying to move up. He'd set out of his comfort zone feeling uncomfortable asking "who was he becoming was it even worth it?"
Standing out working harder than everyone. He didn't compare he wasn't juiced in, or have a bad attitude to get things. Stepping it up to make things happen get it done. Open to learn and grow taking on more responsibility. Adding more to his bag of tricks to make the work easier.
Having a good attitude around miserable people. Treating people right when everything went wrong trying to make it right. Pushing through wanting to do something else. Too many doubted him mistreated him but he still kept going strong. It made him better instead of settling for less.

Growing letting go its starting to show. White hairs wisdom high lights worry lines lived life not focused on the fight grew up in the struggle; don't need outside factors as a distraction. Dk how I'm going to get to the next level been doing it for sometime now. Part of the everyday routine, makes it easier to get things off the chest not settle for less.

He looked in the mirror, a who new personal his reflection. He lost 76 pounds due to his cirrhosis. Staying sober but always hungry not able to eat watching his sodium intake.
The diet helped with his health. Did all the LA requirements then passed off to Mayo Clinic. Now he's waiting for the call so that he could get the transplant recieve a new liver.
Waiting was driving him crazy, he gave it to God. The waiting process drove him crazy. He grew impatient trying to maintain his frustration. He couldn't hide it you could see the anger and his emotions became frantic within.
Watching what he ate, feeling limited some days his body was strong other days he felt weak. Working because he was able to do so. While others collect money to be home. He needed to be doing something or he'd go crazy thinking about it.
His eyes yellow they became the new norm. His hair wasn't full he hoped after the procedure it might grow back fully. Writing about this encounter, the experience. hoping others would understand.
He was always an outcast or socially awkward at he wanted was to be normal. Everything he did was outside of the box. He'd rather be on the outside looking in than boxed in being on the inside and miserable.

He helped everyone didn't expect much
Or want anything in return
Use to being disappointed by expectation
Knew what it was like to be set up to fail
Use to wear his heart on his sleeve
Doing his own thing thing
If others benefit it was a bonus
Starting  over learning the basics
Building on a leveled foundation

Anxious to make it home to Grandma
Missing work colleagues that made his journey less stressful
Family that was supportive and believe in him
All the prayers and love from everyone
The people that seen good in him
He didn't always believe in himself but gave it to God
Talking about cirrhosis was hard he was living it
Others took the time to understand when he felt alone
Trying to be normal before and after the procedure
There would be more doctors visits and pills it would become a normal in his routine

Hurting the people you love is the worse feeling
Mistakes made due to frustration
Overreacting to pent up emotions
Enraged feelings that should've been tamed
Tired sleep deprived focused on doing right
While everything is going wrong
Feels like the world is crumbling
Trying to help feeling trapped
Scared to move the struggle within
Might be the problem the turmoil burning

Start to feel confident while those around setting a bad tone. Those bad vibes killing the good emotions draining everything. Working hard lost meaning watching the person be self destructive. Spoke up again not trying to fail, focused on going up been down for too long. Already messed up, made those mistakes; trying to bounce back finish those loose ends.

Trying to relate
On the outside looking in
Understand others
Too much shame
Coping With pain
No one seems to care
Take your thoughts
Looking out being
Hate being ignored rejected
Repeating myself is annoying
Take your feelings smashing them
Not taken serious disrespected
Not take into consideration
Heart been through the grinder

Against the world keep your head up
Not always like or a favorite
Taking on the world it's not worth it
Easier to walk away from the chaos
Than being part of the insanity caused
Some like to argue don't say anything
Talk about you for being different
No one is talking about them
Be the one talked about not talking
A good head on your shoulders
A heart fuelled by hope and grace
Be useful instead of useless
Spiritual growth with positive energy

Woke up early should be sleeping
Decided to write clear the mind
Up for no reason should be up in a few
Thought about doing it, done this done that
Wondering where thing will end up
Don't always have help or support
Lots of learning alone on the go
A sports fanatic who feels like the jinx
Reads up on the team doing well this season
Watches a game the team chokes
Gaining anxiety so much intensity
Team spirit from a distance
Its all in the mind psychologically

He stayed single because his family would never approval. He didn't like being put in that situation where he would have to pick a relationship or family. It wouldnt be fair to his partner since his family was very judgemental wanting the best for him. He was always getting criticized but respectful when he had something to say.
If he could say anything without them being triggered. He knew they had something to say but never gave them reasons to talk. He was always privates person. He didn't care to be involved, most of all caught up in all the drama.
He did want their approval but learned he's better off doing his own thing. He wanted to be there but never felt accepted had to alter himself which got old. He wasn't like them got tired of pretending things would be alright after being uncomfortable for years.

I always ask what I didn't wrong and how I can be better with certain people. I realize it's not me I get tired of biting my lip and walking eggshells. I learned to walk away because no matter what I do things will never be right or be good enough.
I just tell myself not to treat others bad because I know the feeling. I've apologized even though I didn't do anything wrong. I'm over those people holding a grudge. Once you cut the cord you are free.
Avoiding those people can make your day better say hi. And that's it since you don't need or want anything from them. It's gotten easier because you know others know your hardwork and effort made.
Forgive yourself because life is too short to let people who don't like you bug you. People you don't talk to rob your inner peace. Be better without them it's the best move to make.

His heart was free from the burden
Learning to love again without the hurt
Life makes you tougher over time
Falling behind trying to catch up
Most of all enjoy the journey explore
The right company to share the moment
In a small town wanting to do something
Be free clear of all the insanity imposing
Over all the over population feeling crowded
Not always liked but respect others
Free from all

His hard work was paying off. Setting new goals being told by his mentor he might be the boss one day. It was a high honor complement. He did get them but was still not use to it. Others quick to point out the flaw instead of give props for all the effort.
Working in a team leading by example open to grow and learn everything not one to wait on anyone. Hard to rely on anyone but made himself reliable this was strong towards his work etiquette. Working with a team that does their part that doesn't pass it to others.  He said "Don't leave it for the next guy, be the guy, who gets it done, make it happen.

Trying to forget memories with regret
Dreading vulnerability over a fling
Being true and loyal to the wrong person
Being deceived by lust mistaken for love
Greedy for more only to be cut off
Feeling real in the mind a lonely being
Imagining the future growing together
Cressed in the loving heart immune
The toxic spreads leading to defeat
It's fate ends crumbling down
Former lovers once again strangers
Close friends no longer tolerate another
Departing away from each other

It will never be good enough so I don't share or want to show my light because you'll dull my shine. They'll call it gaslighting but it's protecting my day because you'll ruin it.
When I was young I was a fat kid I worked hard to get lighter. I had a friend confront me about using drugs I said no I changed my eating habits. Then as everyone got older everyone was on the heavy side. Turns out everyone was on coke or using some kind of substance. My weight loss was natural.
I struggled in college, It blew my mind people would smoke *** and did coke to do homework. I struggled but worked barely getting by.
Developed a drinking habit. I'm not innocent college was different. People don't care if your smart because they'll think your stuck up or snotty. I learned way more working going through the motions. I love hate but it gets easier its all about maintaining.

Family always argues or fights. Some follow the rules while others think it doesn't apply to them. Making a standard while others place bad around you to justify the insanity. Stuck between things that have nothing to do with you.
Lots of arguing and blaming some own up while others blame everyone but themselves. Pride and ego keeping family divided. All these made up rules and boundaries but expect so much from others.
Fighting to be yourself be an individual others don't get you or understand so they try to cancel you out.

He was at peace use to being alone excluded from everything. Working quietly behind the scenes he got a random text and knew something was up. No one ever calls or texted him unless they needed something on of the worse feelings.
He didn't know why he thought this would be different free from drama as it squeaked back in his life. It wasn't his style or for him anymore. He minded his mouth and business now being asked a favor. He preferred to no be involved just fade away blend in with the background.
He was use to being solo working in a team held him back team work was only used in their favor he was stuck alone rushing when it come to doing his own stuff. Kept out and excluded didn't bother him anymore. Dealing with fake and phony their true colors came to the light. He wasn't worried because it would all comeback to them.

They don't care about him
He busted his **** it was never good enough
Tired from carrying everyone's problems
Learned to focus on his own life wasn't so bad
Lots of things on his to-do list
Didn't want to disappoint anyone
Cheating himself for others
Doing what's right his code of honor
While being wronged taken for granted
Trying to be well rounded
Never scare to try giving it all
Not backing down striving
Giving up within to be like or accepted

He woke up sore and sunburned trying to redeem what was lost. The standards were high and now they are gone, let go a new lead no control. Picking up all the slack dealing with a two face another case of getting caught up.
Questioning where to go and does it matter. Making a difference at what cost so much on the line redefined. Trying to move up at the bottom working to belong this doesn't feel right so much has gone wrong. Trying to make it right minding this mouth it will cause drama.
Don't care to make things worse trying to do what's right. Giving everything earning that pay. Roughing it out being strong building character a yeah player being played holding a large load ready to move on let it go being pulled ripped apart in different directions.

Instead of worrying that it didn't happen. Asking what's next setting new goals and pursuing the ones that have been placed on hold. Finally a set schedule to work with and around. One location instead of two.
Asking why can't it happen instead of the same roadblocks and detours. Past due missed so many moments. Somethings because you can and other times asking why all the possibilities.
The outcome does always turn out the way you visualize them. While those ex factors pop up throwing things off. Turning things upside down and the thought of being wrong didn't expect the results that occured. Trying to make the moment perfect but it never happen hoping the opportunity would come back around.
All these mind swapping thoughts sometimes it's too good to be true other times in conflict not believing how everything went wrong. Trying to reflect on the good hard to do when bad tries to shadow all those efforts.

If I could change the past I would
So much pain over the years
Dividing everyone that use to be close
The death of a brother causing trauma
Watching the burial changes a person
Our friend died in a tragic bus accident
Wish this pride didn't keep us apart
These angry egos causing separation
Not invited to the wedding feeling excluded
United the singles making them a couple
A relationship to a family wish the best
Friends to strangers now divided
Once was close no longer the same

Stopped holding it in, protecting the shady that play the victim. They talk bad about others to feel superior can't do it alone so they recruit more haters. Never conform to their made up plan that doesn't apply until they need something. Once you can't they see you as the worse treat you like you don't matter. Sad about these people was open honest and genuine. Treated them right and fair. Now they don't care acting like you own them. They didn't get their way now they don't care about you anymore

Nice to have an adult conversation where no one gets mad or hates you for having an opinion. Speak your mind and not have them think less of you.
Recovering focused on work get my area back in check. Trying to help train people because dealt with people, who claim to know but have no clue.
If your bust your **** and listen people will help you. But if you think you know it all,  people won't bother with you. I've learned to be humble by minding my mouth and business. Still open to grow and learn.