My department has the worse rep
Its hard but no one takes pride in tbeir job
Everyone wants a job but doesn't want to work
I bust my *** get left alone
Not trying to make anyone look bad
They do it to themselves
The more I work the less they do
Things need to change for the better
Promised another position
it was given to someobe else
I hate liars don't say anything
if you can't honor your word

Know the material still told doing it wrong
This has become life achievement knocked
Or swept under the rug covered the shine
1st to do this everyone oblivious
Achieved the goal attention focused on the flaw
Broke the record others still needed to be passed
Compared to others not doing the same thing
Discredited for a championship only one with a ring
Medals hang out the wall pride and valued
Others see them as nothing to the own means something
Find the place where efforts valued appreciated
Respect earned not given
Not praised but hazed out

I'm the guy who likes to laugh
And tell funny stories
I could be the center of attention but it has consequences
It gives ppl an excuse to talk or twist your words
I've always dated the girl someone else wants but was never informed
I've been hated for being charming
I laugh at insults too many ppl ridicule and attack me for being different
The day I cross paths with ppl things get dark
I'm the guy who gives them reasons to talk hate me make it worth my time instead of wasting it

There's consequences to your actions you might get away with the same bs don't be ******* when someone stops you in your tracks. It catches up to everyone no one is special or an exception. I don't like cheaters or liars but they manipulate them self into my life. I'm done being the wiping  post. You could be disrespect to your family and friends but that doesn't ride with me. You were rude and made me look like the bad guy I know the outcome. I do my best to keep my mouth shut others know my backlash is a heavy hand full of impact words that are straight to the point no bs or sugar coating.  
I'm mindful of  my mouth but once I start speaking my thought have no filter since no one respects my feelings or ideas don't shut down my conversation or be rude because I could be a total ******* you provoked me to do so be ready for the consequences

Today was chill
I had breakfast with my cousin
watched my favorite shows
Read a fun book that kept my interest
Took the car to get an oil change
Went to work got done early
Thinking about choices I've been given
Reevaluating how I see others

Still not dating not emotionally involved
Now that im not interested others are trying to get me involved
Blind dates with a sister or girls who I have no interest in dating
I grew up with tough love so falling in love is not easy
If im not interested they stick around
Once im emotionally involved they are quick to run out on me
I date girls who like me you'd think it would be easy but wrong
Im not a project girls fix and release so the next will appreciate me
Ive been told to stop looking and focused on things that matter
Ive been debating on dating I ask and never get answer
Theres times I want to be left alone and random calls/text lets do something.

Guilty conscience trying to flip words
Not talking to the person
Made things personal
Rushed and pressured conclusions made
Said from the beginning
Now the ending has changed
Doesn't make sense or sound right
Expressed opinions translated to something else
Hate my thinking or what I have to say
Eventually leads to good day
Over it letting go
Adding to frustration feel it grow

Burnt out making a point
Draw a blank
Not sure what to make
Of the situations
Not my issues but should have a say
Wonder if the opinion is valid
Strong enough to be heard
Take a point make it to that level
Or left out not important enough for the conclusion
I'll talk anyway inspire perspective
Fresh new angles that click
Makes sense or makes things work
Others can't handle diversity

The warrior within wants to rest
Fighting for a lost no much to gain
Return to the fallen home
Things never the same
Live at peace hard to do damaged within
Once stood tall for the ppl
Now they are the ones opposing him
He protects while they stab him in the back
Many times he forgives after all has been taken
His kindness mistaken for weakness
He would destroy but knows the power of his strength
He prefers to fade away be forgotten
He wants a peaceful life
A free mind to roam where ever

ive done all i said you try to get in my head
you talk big but are so small in the world
i hold a fist ready to strike back
you tell me how to act
but doing everything you claim to oppose
you claim to be a friend to my face
but i know you talking bad
i remain the same saw you as an equal
my greatest mistake giving you the benefit of the doubt
live life no doubt **** it go all out
the moment you lose faith all is lost
stay strong with power nothing can go wrong
you strike back you fight back but never give in
so keep fighting keep swinging keep striking back

Sometimes life is a rollercoaster
Up and down fun that happens fast
Then start over waiting in the line
Some conversations great
On the mind get back on the ride
Waiting in line for a turn
The sun beating down what a burn
Like life people go through
wait to get what they want
The rush taste of temptation
A fix to feel adequate
Something that feels right
Hands free to enjoy the ride
No need to hide the feelings
All eventually comes out
In the end all feels like rollercoaster
Mixed emotions that make sense

Like a bolt
Thoughts are like saving bonds
You eventually cash them
Get your way the proce is right
Come out even end up broke
Find out the ppl talking are a joke
They bully but can't fight mad at others
Turn out they can't act right
Words on fire burning passion
Melt them down to ash
Nothing left thats how they feel
Hate on you because you come real
Beat them at their foolish game
Don't get your way ain't that ashame

The more I see it makes me want to write
Turn the world into words thinking of how I view
While others redefine the world with their opinions
They differ from me I respect when they oppose that's when I begin to have problems
Don't cancel me out of the world that's my own
You don't value so your no longer worthy of me or my time
No more being involved or treating you like you matter
I need more positive ppl too many negative vibes destroying my day
The negative keeps trying to wear and tear but won't bring me down

Things are better doesn't mean I'm right
Changed my ways others won't let me forget those bad
Focused on today not looking back at tbe past
I respect others decisions don't judge me for mine
Quit drinking not giving life to demons and guilt
Can't wait for it I need to go out there take control
All my time effort everything I worked hard for
I know it sounds greedy but I want more
Bad knee but working through the pain
Get back on the mat a formal place I called home
Set out to be the best not pursing less

Hard to think for two worth it if you are true
You are a packed deal accepted that
I worry about your destructive ways I to have done the same
Pray we could work it out or depart bail out
The kiss made everything seem right
It ***** when you're out of sight
The things I write I wish I could say
Don't want it to play a role how you feel for me
Hoping to find truth someone else hurt you
I'm the one who wants to make it better do right by your side
Nothing to hide I could spend the rest of my life with youthe
I'm ready to family be more even if I'm not ready
Let's put a title on us and go steady
The though of you with someone else drives me crazy
Sick to my stomache squeezing the air out hard to breathe
Never to get it together tired of being whatever
Sayin is not the say as doing what I want
Losing you will haunt me
Being friends not tryin to pretend

He sat in his room, the wind blowing in the distance.
Older now looking at a photo, he smiles
He remembers the day, it plays in his head, it's close to his heart.
In this picture a couple, him and an old friend.
A love with respect two friends
A friendship that will last forever
He's working and writing figuring out life
While she's engaged and has a child
He is happy for her and she will call
They'll talk about old times but once the phone call is over
Back to reality two friend one world for the moment
Life goes on they have their own lives
Alwayd forever in one anothers heart

I failed as an older brother your suppose to protect the family. Being the oldest carries a bunch of burdens. You try to help your sibling but they want to do it there way. You try to keep them hidden but they escape leaving their own imprint on others.
I'm 6 years older than the rest everyone paired off or has a connect I'm the outcast I'm sure they love and care about me. It aways feels I don't matter everyone acts up once I say something after all the disrespect I'm the reject who is right but I don't want to be right I like to provide solutions.
I hope to one day be able to do things as a family instead of being dysfunctional I found you could give up on everything but family.
I'm hostile towards my parents I wish I could forgive them but they keep on doing the same **** grow up you idiots. I helped raise kids because you thought you still had it but guess what it's over be parents and responsible. Equal my *** they had favorites I wasn't one because I had to tell them to go right but they alaways treat me like I was wrong.

The moment you snap
Push out all your raw surpressed thought
Emotions that are packed with a powerful punch
The day works just slip out
Pushing back those who doubt
Catch them in a lie demand the truth
Ask them why but they dk
Thinking they are slick they make you sick
Cheating their way now they are messing up the day
Struck a nerve you expect sympathy
I have no empathy cause of how you behave
I'm not trying to save you all the pain you cause

Overwhelmmed with emotions
Complaints **** the soul
Fakes have the say manipulation
Beatings come back for more
Points not made
Lessons not learned
Burn it down
Not there or around
Replaced by another person
Fade away but not staying away
Mouths talking don't have a clue
Accuse of things never true
Let loose verbal abuse
Cut throat talk up the alley
Listened but nit caring anymore

Music gets me through them tough times
Over coming all those deep dark emotions
It was nice while it lasted thanks for the memories
I wanted you and chose everyone else
Inspired to be more I deserve better
This love letter to convince you to stay
If not we depart go our seperate ways
I've grown and found closure from this experience
Not trying to blame myself and be weak
Doing things different this time around
Everything felt right turns out I was wrong
Strong protecting  a heart never feeling down or reject
Especially being faithful walking on the right path

Emotional changed for the better
Physically changed rise to power
Felt and coped with dark emotions
Dealt with good but clutching onto them
It's easy to punish yourself feeling bad
A guilt consciences weighs you down
Focus on the greatness be better than the mistake
Change your ways encourage others
Hopefully they do the same
Be better than the ppl talking about you
Since they have done nothing but blame others
Own up to your flaws correcting yourself
Others try to use that against you but use it to be better
Rise from the darkness take care of yourself
Only you can provide all you seek
Not letting them get to you they infect your good with their bad
Once your immune don't let that toxin overcome
Give yourself credit for doing it others haven't started or tried
You'd feel bad but why should you care if they belittle your accomplishments they knock you
Encourage them but don't let them stop you or detour your mission
Goals are set meet them on your time not others
Dreams are how you see them not others
Live life to your standards not other
Be who you know you can be not
who others make you out to be

See a problem
Not sure how to deal with it
Eventually it must be dealt with
Size up the strengths
Focus on the weaknesses
Upset this fief has begun
Lose a friend or family member
Those are the worse rival
They spread the poison within the family
Does everything right but other medal in the chaos
No their problem don't know the situation
No one asked them to be involved
Dealing with problems easy hard with family in the misfire

I don't write for money I write for freedom to express myself. I think what I have to say and write it. I don't seek approval or want to be praise for my work. It's stuff I feel and believe sometimes other ppl oppose me and that's alright as well.
I've been writing for about 10 years its my form of sanity. It helps me get out what needs to be said I'm straight to the point and wish I didn't respect others feelings so I could say it to there face. If I could address my situation without ppl being so sensitive. I don't think I'd write as much as I do.
After my brothers death I have a hard time trusting ppl some know the truth behind my mystery but not saying anything.
The silence is infuriating the show loyalty to a ****** than my brothers family. Even though my family doesn't have much we help out as much as we can. I've come to terms but that won't bring the fallen back even if all the right answer were provided

Ive been good things go wrong im a bad boy gone good. The dating world is vicious circle im over damaged girls who.**** the life out of your soul. You tolerate this nonsense to be love and accepted too bad they dont value you the way you feel for them.
It ***** how once you give up on them they want to try just because you found other opportunities you want to share but its not fair. The person should be there through the bad I love the goodtume but if everything feels bad why stick around.
You gave them your all its not enough they barely try and your happy with whatever sign of hope you catch. You wait it out but find out youre not the only one. One of many who is set up to get hurt your no better or no more than the rest.
You walk away proud turn the pain into a lesson learn. The hurt into strength not making the same mistakes twice.

As time passed things changed
From clubbing every weekend to staying home
A rebel who broke the rules, now enforcing them
Going to find people feared being alone now rolling solo
Chose friendships over a relationship too bad friends did the opposite
Dating got complicated better to stay single
Antisocial drinker to sober living
With age things change never going to be the same again
Go forward not back, live life to the fullest

I don't always know what to do but I stick to what I like and know. I'm glad to help ppl that allow me todo so. I like helping my cuz in play catch or being involved with those who need me. I like dropping my nephew off at school and picking him up. I enjoying driving my cousin to practice or dropping him off at his friends.
I know being is hard you try to make your way escape the nest trying to not be under the wing of parents. I had parent I love but they were whatever about my career and future choices. Some parents are strict and those kids don't always turn out right making sneaky choices behind their parents back. I'm not saying all just the ppl I know.
I've noticed teens are way different from when I was one. I wanted to play football and be around my friends.

Stay calm say it once that's all it needs the presentation is everything.
I like to make remarks that send a chill down spines
Deep with rich comments that are dark most of all to the point
My critics don't understand they assume crazy
I've always been daring but respectful of others
Now a days when others do stuff instead of being an example they make an example of you
Manners are gone I'm so over the rude and tasteless disrespect
I respected my elders even if they are wrong
Most argue with their parents I accepted their decisions even though I clearly disagreed
Getting hit was discipline not child abuse
Everyone grows up different so we have to respect those differences even though we don't agree our up bringing sets us apart

The day she left thought love ended
Day you move back home feelings of freedom ending
The day your brother dies you can't help but blame yourself
Told to be a role model was your job to be a parent
Become a leader lead by example
The more you want in they keep you out
Told to do something you don't do
Thought of a career pursuing is hard but can be done
Trying to focus not have a break down
It use to feel like no one wanted me around
Mad because you don't get respect and think I owe it to you.
Too many things I couldn't do before but doing them now
With or without you it's what I love and care about
Creative juices flowing over being self destructive only hurting myself so not doing that anymore
After answers and solutions especially when your the problem

The rising underdog tired of being overlooked
He saw his opportunity slip away
He worked hard to find another way
One way or another he would not be denied
She made him a bff but that's not enough
Friendship to relationship could be tough
Starting over someone new something fresh
A person you never knew too they aren't true
You want more getting less but never settle
Learn to expect nothing but make it into something.

Some days all is welcomed
Other times alone
A greeting ignored
Back and forth being rude
Some days are a blast
Other days being an ***
Call to hang no follow through
Stay away hard to be found
On others time not making any
Made time waste of time
Calls ignored phone messages
No return or and ounce of concern
Tables turn fits and tempers burn.
Rude and disrespectful
Take what's given
Days loved others hated
Selective about how to treat others
Sad how others interact now a days

Feel free analyzed the things that bothered me it was a relief to escape and pour it out not holding back. Sometimes the mind makes things more than what they really are.
I've been writing about my struggles and things that hold me back. I heard you want change you change the way you think. I've been wanting to do things I put on hold because of work. I do have a life outside of work. If I'm not working I focus on JJ its my other passion along with writing.
I **** at relationships I kept using the past relationships thinking they are the standard but they failed so they are not an option. I've been getting to know this girl and not making it anything more than what is in front of me.
Everyday I write and give myself room to grow and think what I truely want for myself. Not pressuring myself taking time to figure it out. Thankful I'm able to laugh and smile not stressing over things that are beyond me I'm taking on what I can handle.

we cant be together because you fear commitment
excuses for everything you dont care for me
when things fail you point the finger and blame
she wants me more now that i want someone else
you torture my soul when all i want is for love
i like when you tease me but dont lead me one
im the excuse when guys come near
you fear hurt but hurt me more
im accused of being the other guy
when theres nothing between us
i want love but all we do is lust
im over this feeling like an excuse
connection was great disconnection led to hate
im over the abuse not making anymore excuses
now i leave no more abuse

Writing is all I have I fear being like my mom and dad
My frustration come with hurt and getting close
The hurt in my voice denying my feelings
Being strong messed up no more wrong
Life is not hard only when others are complicated
Sick to my stomahe body aches full of pain
Dk what to do headache and stress hard to focus
I worry because I care I feel things should be set right instead of unfar
Unaware of how I feel put you 1st even when you're  down
You mess up my day but that's okay we grown strong together

The urge to drink not giving
Will not consume or be consumed
Numb to the world hoping to be normal
Past due like the bills feeling cut off
Inner peace turns to rage and hate
You don't want to hurt anyone
Self destruction is no longer an option
You walk away wishing you could stay
The heart and mind conflict the truth is blurred
Mostly denied not the official plan
Only if everything would fall into place

I don't latch onto other or use ppl
If I really want it I go all out
Not afraid to try failure becomes less
Overcome many obstacles
Not afraid to come up short
Pushing forward to break through
Overcome tough times pursuing glory
Be a better person even when others are goin wrong
Be more for yourself instead of impressing others
Dare to be different and great change what you dislike
One thing leads to another keep working through the pain
Overcome the shame soetimes you have no control or say

Everyone seeks true love some find it and succeed
While others fail trying to find their other half
Trying to connect or relate to another person
Everyone wants love but not everyone knows how to show it
Being there or giving your all is not enough
Some grow together while others grow a part
Healing a broken heart blinds people
Focused on what was instead of living in the moment
Craving to be love when its all around
shutting down all that's new refusing to let go of the old
Missing someone who has moved on
being stuck in a moment that heart desires
With time it burns out like fueless fires
The mind and heart always resist and conflict with another
Blind on being a lover and being loved
Stay true and loyal one day finding the one
The right one is the one worth fighting for

Write to get it out
Emotions not coped with
Dealt with no closure
More Unanswered questions
Don't lose it buried with time
Wasn't important at the moment
Too last to do anything now
Didn't care then why worry now
Can't change the past to fix the current
Shrinking ego lost courage
Time of day find the way
Real happiness truthful ppl
Past mentioned useless now

The cold wet weather made for a sweater
Gray clouds are a sign of rain to come
the mood is set of rainy days
Hot chocolate a treat that warms you right
The rain washes away frustration
Makes the day better for the sun
Rainy weather keeps you inside
Most of all dry makes you lazy and sleepy
Wear a hat that keeps you warm
Layers to keep you from getting soaked
Use an unbrella to bounce of drops
Avoid puddles or jump in them
Play in the rain different from other days
The smell of wet ***** once the rain stops

I've learned I can't please everyone embraced my haters
I'm happy with myself not trying to be someone I'm not
I love myself more I'm one if a kind not like the rest
Others might not agree and protest I hope one day they understand
See the world my way I'm responsible for what I say
I've learned it's not my responsibility to if you don't understand
You might hate who I respect but your views don't influence my judgement
Treat me bad you won't get a response your nit going to bully or throw fits to get your way
Thinking of how to be a better me
Which means everything
I never gave into your way get over yourself
I'm me not you the difference is I'm true while your cold and blue

Fake smiles but broken inside
Times are tough nothing to hide
Goes with the flow till no return
Do damage skip town
No time to cope or deal with consequences
Imagination of madness
Burns a path with no survivors
The wreck makes others aware
Eyes staring no one caring
Protect those who bring the danger
Respect those who have none
The dream buried alive within
Broken spirit shines when fixed
Protect select from self destruction

I went out and all I can do is think of her
Talked to a good friend she told me dont worry love with find you stop looking
I got lost in her eyes and lips told her who I use to be. I get tempted to fall into bad habits but I cant and wont go back. We shared our experiences I had more to say because im older. Im thankful she listened and didnt see me differently.
I didnt fo anything wrong I had nothing but good intensions. Ive been good not sure how to explore the world of relationships it just hurts me and I hurt girls unintentionally.
I miss my old life but know im meant to change be and do better not sure what though.
Im one who is constantly thinking of all the possibilities. I need a job I enjoy I dislike ppl that make my **** job worse then it already is.

I don't fear death I feel dead inside. I've changed my way of living the person I use to be us gone I no longer care to drink or get the urge to do so.
I've learned to deal with my emotions instead of drown them out. I wish I could say whatever but can't someone is always on my case trying to justify they are right when I disagree.
I'm my own individual but no one wants me to shine for that. I'm not popular but know I could bust my *** to new levels other think its hand to me but its not time and time again I prove myself worthy.
I'm not starting over or stepping aside too many time others mistake my kindness for weakness. Ppl treat me like I'm worthless but they are useless to all this false talk and promise not honoring your word get the heck out of here you leading misleading  ****

Went out last night my cousin had a few drinks which led to me being the DD. It was fun staying sober makes me realize how far I've come. Im not perfect and being sober doesn't make me, I'm just saying how I do my best to not fall into bad habits.
It was suppose to be a bowlingarty most of the time it was in the bar. I enjoyed the karokie it was fun to watch and enjoyed my the crowd better than being the center of attention.
Woke up late but its okay working a late shift today. Im ready been working other departments it will be a nice change to be back in my area. Works great things could be handled better but in time things will work them self out.
I like going out but being more responsible I'm focused and nothing seems prepared but once my attention is else where It seems like I missed something.
Things are well met a girl she's cool but I'm overthinking asking too many questions instead of going with the flow. I'm not looking to hurt anyone or get hurt. I stopped dating but haven't found anyone who's worth the fight I'm so use to exes or girls picking a fight. I'd argue but found its better to walk away especially if you know that you haven't done anything wrong.

Dressed to go not sure what to say
The courage to do so will power over comes all
Wearing my best wish things look how I imagined
Staying calm not getting my hopes up
Not sure if this opportunity is mine given a chance
Not sure what to make of these emotions
Uncertain but hoping to make this come true
Out and down for too long need this to comeback
Feeling left out dead inside with this I could rise to new levels regain all that is missing and lost
Save up rebuild for the future let it be more than I could possibly see
Thankful for change always helping others
Always one to stick my neck out
In time I shall find out

the concept pf love doesnt make sense to me
Lust is mistaken for love now adays
I think about her only its life
You cant get her back like in the movies
My heart was emotionally unavailable until I met her
I opened up and she rejected me
It hurt because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her
She had other plans which had nothing to fo with me
Ive moved on but find myself thinking about her
I see other girls who remind me of her
I wonder if she thinks of me
I cross her number id call but dk if shell answer
Id send a text will she respond
Ive been looking else where for love but I want her
I feared commitment and went for it
Now things are different I want them to be the same
Its been a month since we have spoken

Family court family verdict everyone on trial
You want wild stop acting like a child
Egos battle collide going down no need to hide
Holla at the girl she wants a ride
Go all the way keep Pursing regardless of what they say or think
Everyone changes their mind in the blink
Never appears to be what you think
Some bs might lead others to drink
Messed up more messed up faces
Everything is a phase you grow and rise
Until you try there's no surprise
Not listening to lies
Or giving in being the last that cries

Made it through th 2nd job interview one more. I hope I get this job after all I went through. I've been good and hope things get better. Sometimes things are not what you imagine but being able to grasp and hold on makes things worth while.
I've been writing and trying to escape this writers block I want to say it but saying it with impact is the best way to go.
Thinking about why things got ******* up but focused on the good and change coming my way plus my bday is a week away the one day that makes me happy the most every yeah. I've been good and deserve better thankful for things coming my way.

There are many rules to dating 1st rule you don't date in the circle because exes usually can't be friend and that puts the crowd in an awkward situation.
Next rule you don't date exes of friends or family. There's boundaries that need to be respect.  It just ruins friendships if you choose a relationship take that chance at your own risk.
Dating has changed before men wined and dined women now a days most women want to be miss independent so they shouldn't be made setting double standards.
I thought men asked women out now a days women slay men like they have some kind of dominate conquest. I'm not sure how things work but I've been observing since the late time I dated.
If a girl likes you that makes it is winning a girl over is like asking her to give up what she loves. I've learned to not ask for much.
The 3 date rule I don't oppose it but hear its out there women want you to flaunt them and respect if not they'll find someone who will.
I've heard what women like and want but never end up with the product they speak of it starves my curiosity.