Living his life didn't need the criticism
Walked away because it wasn't fun
It wasn't genuine anymore it was fake
Hyped up to be drained from good vibes
Many reasons to stay asking is it worth it
Thinking about moving onto to new
Got clean staying sober around druggies
Not giving into temptation open mind to learning
The addiction to alcohol avoiding it
Love for needy girls that don't love him
Stripping him down to feel secure
Failed love that's become luat unhealthy
Emotionless around closed off people
Feeling bad for showing emotions
Actually dealing with these emotions
Growing up around toxic masculinity
Trying to be a man told to open up
Then having it being used against him
Woman's love like seasons the same
Grew up old school norms that make sense
Not understanding these new ideals
All the taboo has become socially accepted
More ways to be excluded kept out
Another obstacle to pass through

Love of family is strong
But relationships break them
Hard with family members
Soft with their partner
History doesn't help the present
Destroying themselves for love
One to change remaining the same
Hard to leave this insanity
Lust and love a diluted mixture
Start over again trapped going back
Embrace the new give up bad habits
Focus on what could be take a step
Let go of the what was move forward
Grow in the moment positive changes
Failed outcomes lead to opportunities

He was stubborn his broken heart healing over time. He didn't want anyone else but he couldn't wait around. Learning to love himself doing what he loves back to the basics. He gave it up for the wrong person who denied him and was quick to replace him. Without reason or an explanation all they did was waste another's time.
He respected himself getting older he couldn't sleep around be with just anyone.he he quit drinking everyone would expose themselves other than drinking there was no connection.

It will never be good enough so I don't share or want to show my light because you'll dull my shine. They'll call it gaslighting but it's protecting my day because you'll ruin it.
When I was young I was a fat kid I worked hard to get lighter. I had a friend confront me about using drugs I said no I changed my eating habits. Then as everyone got older everyone was on the heavy side. Turns out everyone was on coke or using some kind of substance. My weight loss was natural.
I struggled in college, It blew my mind people would smoke *** and did coke to do homework. I struggled but worked barely getting by.
Developed a drinking habit. I'm not innocent college was different. People don't care if your smart because they'll think your stuck up or snotty. I learned way more working going through the motions. I love hate but it gets easier its all about maintaining.

She claimed to love him now she's marries.
She didn't want kids had them with someone  else
He wanted her to be his girl she said no and went with someone else.
He asked her for a kiss she said no she was loyal to all the wrong wrong guys.
All these moments flashed in the back of his mind
The thought about dating but it's changed the thought of rejection would not help the progress.

Hurting the people you love is the worse feeling
Mistakes made due to frustration
Overreacting to pent up emotions
Enraged feelings that should've been tamed
Tired sleep deprived focused on doing right
While everything is going wrong
Feels like the world is crumbling
Trying to help feeling trapped
Scared to move the struggle within
Might be the problem the turmoil burning

Done with manipulators
Over being used being talked about
No one is talking about anyone
Learned to mind your mouth
Stay out of the drama not feed into it
Focused on the work not the people
Always under pressure trying to be normal
Doing extra trying to be resourceful
Jokes about being the chosen one
Just trying to be part of the team
Play off one another everyone has strength and weaknesses build one another up
Not take swings or set each other back

Against the world keep your head up
Not always like or a favorite
Taking on the world it's not worth it
Easier to walk away from the chaos
Than being part of the insanity caused
Some like to argue don't say anything
Talk about you for being different
No one is talking about them
Be the one talked about not talking
A good head on your shoulders
A heart fuelled by hope and grace
Be useful instead of useless
Spiritual growth with positive energy

On his podcast he opened up showed emotions writing was easy but saying it was a whole other story. He usually offended or ****** people off with his honesty. He couldn't say or do anything a feeling guilt and robbed of part of himself.
He held onto so much it became a distraction. He couldn't focus trying to figure it make sense of others. He didn't understand where all this hostility came from.

Fighting to stay whole battle within
Crumbling under pressure the drama
Knees about to buckle overwhelming
Struggling to get by with life
Ready to quit give up at work
Around his kids found strength
Hid the misery smiled for them
Being able to provide made it right
Feeling worthy not wasteful with time
No time to be sad getting over the bad
Focused on the good being better

Near death determined to live
Do more over the same routine
The list grows on borrowed time
Writing from the heart staying true
Loyal to all the wrong people
Doing what's right causing a fight
Picking up the slack taking charge
Keeping things on track getting ahead
Learning to socialize deal with people
Be fair understanding the situation
While dealing with others problems
Keep them motivated and inspired
Usually focused on the work
Not about the drama anymore
Since it impacts the production
Learning to deal with others feelings
Understand others than ones emotions
Talked about moving up growing still
Not at the bottom anymore thriving
Looking up going forward rising up
Not going back or settling for less

Sitting in a dark quiet room, trying to compose these wild thoughts, not lose sanity over stuff that's beyond ones control. The mind can't comprehend the transition, all these changes. No say, or chance to contribute, things end before they get started.
Used and abused till something better comes along; always get the short end of the stick.

Trying to motivate myself
Be strong things falling apart
Not be consumed by hate
Give it to God not lose faith
Told never go against family
Fam quick to judge and oppose
Not one to impose always alone
Take pride, work get it done
Use to go out, prefers to stay home
Part of being grown, showing up
Take a chance make it happen
Work because it's not given for free

Just because your childhood ****** and your relationship failed. It doesn't mean life stays the same venture out live learn and grow.
I've been reminiscing from the past growing up still. Rising above the hate. Learning to become a better person. Helping others finding direction in those ventures.

Ben told Eve he loved hers he ran away by avoiding him. The had intimate moments that made him believe she cared for him. It was all new to him he became a clingy ******. Even worse after he lost virginity.
Maybe he was delusional expecting more.   Trying to break a family curse be successful in a relationship so many divorces. The first do alot of things but keeping that tradition alive. He didn't want to be defined by others.

I realize people go through stuff and their pride gets the better of them. Their judgement is clouded and quick to lash out on those who differ from them. It's easy to look down on someone for being single when your are married with children. They don't carry the same responsibility.
Working on different shifts has their ups and downs. Sometimes those worlds collides the one who helps everyone gets ******* over. While the one who needs everything done cruises once everyone does the ***** work.
Work is not hard It's about maintaining some people don't value you. All you can do is your job. Doing the work is more important than the drama. Doing extra is key but staying on track is the key.
You do the work what's right. Doing what no one wants to do. Make time fly do the work and go home.

Someone is always mad
Don't have time for that
Or holding a grudge
Never talked about it
Making everything personal
Definitely don't have time for that
Talks about everyone but quick to ask a favor
Kept a distances and stayed way
After being pushed out
Now back violating everyones  personal space.
Did favors never again
Looked out now faced with betrayal
Tired of empowering the wrong people
That use others then send them packing
Thinking they changed turns out they are the same in a new location

When he was at his worse they gave him crap. He thought tough love was a way of motivation but didn't like it. Then things got better and he still got the same treatment. He was done cut them off said no more because he did it his way. Their way didn't work for him
After he spoke up they tried to isolate him bad mouth him. He didn't care about his reputation anymore because he knew that he wasn't imposing or bothering anyone.
They'd never show him love or give him props unless they got credit crapping on his glory. Trying to take his moment making it about them. They weren't there when he needed them. He was always there for them even when they didn't want him and pushed him out.
He finally walked away cut the cord over all the discouragement. Tired of seeing them being two faced bad mouthing people than acting buddy buddy the two faced snakes.
He found confidence in himself without the shady people trying to weasel their way in to his life. He lost weight because he didn't let them throw a monkey wrench on his routine. Trying to guilt him like he did something wrong. He paid his way through and owed them nothing.
He loved them but all they did was hurt him make him feel inadequate.
Changing the rules in their favor he was over the games his life did not evolve around theirs. Praying for them because anything he did was wrong and didn't like people who are one sided.

From best friends to strangers
Went to school together
Hung out then grew up
Grew apart wanting different things
One was about bettering his situation
The other distracted by wild lifestyle
Partying with wild women
Both had bad habits one was a drinker
The other into trying a variety of drugs
One feared the friendship ending
The other gave up on everything
A girl came between them
One was sorry it happen the other would never forgive

Writing it down free from the past
Smiled and thanked God
Healing scars on this ***
Forgiving those who've done wrong
Spiritual growth is going strong
No time for love games
Looking for the real thing
Let go of bad memories that remain
Don't care for old pain. It's in the past

The love was genuine while the were lies. If he wasn't doing favors he wouldn't be included. He did his best to mind his mouth feeling provoked taken for granted. Doing his best to do right while the rest chose to do wrong.
His moral compass being challenge by masses.
Everyone beefing mad at one another so anxious for change not motivated to so. Not everyone is right an argument becomes personal unsettled scores trying to be seen as an equal while others plan or the upper hand.
Instead of being a face love it blind going against anyone who doesn't agree or mean anything. The conflict everywhere need to get away not worth staying anymore.

Living secrets holding on to burden
That have nothing to do with you
Cheater expects you to lie
Liar expects you to keep secrets
Pushed out not going back
Truth comes out not worried
Holding back internal screaming
Seen the front more to the fakes
Pretending to be someone else
A broken home outta the house

Times have changed especially when you hang out with your younger cousin and his friends think you're his dad. Lately I've been around good people and who are doing things. I like to see people succeed.
That's motivating inspiring that guy is in my crew and moving up.  I can't wait to be cleared to drive and train. Holding pads for my cousin and get back on those jujitsu mats. Get back on the grind.
I was going to say how it is for me becoming an adult but I realize everyone has a different story and does things differently for a reason. My generation is different from today. I respect it but don't always agree. I make efforts to understand. What was taboo growing up is socially accepted. Trying to be open minded and learned to say no or if its not my thing it shouldn't matter what I think. Lots of change is good not always better but it's okay to explore and gain new experiences.

Life can change and be drastic
Sometimes for the better
Others times it can be complicated
Meet the right sometimes the wrong
A kiss turned into love
Relationships that ends on bad terms
Tired of loss and starting over
From making moves to stuck
Hard to move or do anything
Expectation leads to disappointment
Pursuing the chase lost its thrill
Not fun anymore or the same
Lust mistaken for love

Disappeared for a month wrestled with anger. Dealing with others who cause the frustration. He respected their way of life as they imposed on his. His writing triggering others insecurity leading them to make personal attacks.
He didn't give up on his passion; writing brought him joy. A voice since he didn't have his crowd anymore. The ones he could trust where his feelings and emotions wouldn't be used against him.
He sits in his room listening to music writing out these thoughts and ideas. Able to explore and cope with everything that opposed him. Told the truth so many offended. Doesn't like being lied to not doing it to others.

The argument looping in the mind
How things should be said
Doesn't come out accordingly
Outside x factors changing things up
Asking is it worth it does it matter
Judges minds are made up not a debate
Proving yourself doesn't matter
Impossible to redeem ones self
Proving them wrong things aren't right
From close to stranger more heat
Fake attitudes the danger cut so deep
Dk how to act won't let one another be
One with the grudge sorry is not enough
Other trying to change dying with bad habits
The frustration taking it's toll breaking out of this death grip

Journals on deck filling those pages
Feeling built up taking down walls
Emotions bleed through ink
Put them up to keep others out
Feeling trapped escaped the pain
Moved on getting out new mindset
Find someone new that accepts you
A healthy relationship with true love
Be yourself the right ones will follow
The snakes and phonies fade away
Out of the comfort zone next level
Writing sets you free try to visualize it
Believe feel it from deep down

Not wish bad on them
All the pain caused
The frustration over time
Not wishing bad on anyone
But it will comeback to them
Just trying to do my thing
Not going through anyone to get there
Using these skills not people
Focused on the work no drama
Don't care for politics hate gossip
Over caring the load of others
Dropped once something better
Comes along easily replaced
While waiting saving a spaces
Once it's filled quick to return
Tired work out feeling burned inside

Lies
Betrayal
Anger

How do you steal from someone and blame others
You want respect but treat others like *****
Biting my lip ready to rip you a new one, trying to make it better always embraced a solution
Why do you play the victim when you are causing the problems
Young and dumb, talking back; trying to tell your elders
I protect you all you do is disrespect, neglect those who mean well
Everyone had been through something, no one owes you anything
Usually one to pull the trigger but you pulled it first
Not one to go against friends or family they seem to come at me not expecting the double cross

Praying for a friend who had a mild stroke. She has children that the family be healed and united.
For his cousin with 3 kids with 3 babies mommas. That he would get his life together and be a provider.
Gave it to God  because he's a man and can't do it alone on his own. Asking to be forgiven having a hard time Forgiving himself.
He forgave others to have peace, most never forgive him. He quick to move on pursuing his dream even though it's on hold because he wants to get his health right first.
He was interested in dating a nurse but sick of being in and out of the hospital. Thought about dating but the way it works now doesn't make sense.
Everyone wants all the perks of a relationship but no commitment. He was old school date for a while make it a relationship hopefully it would lead to marriage and kids making a family.

The voice in his head said you cant keep up this attitude or live this way anymore. Trying to hold on for dear life when the death grip should be release. Caring that load relieved from the tension. The transition should be embracing new let go of those old burdens. Can't change those outcomes but better for the next time around.

He didn't want her after she was denied and rejected. She chose someone else over him. He knew it was BS and made that mistake before he already knew the outcome. In the end, he would be lying and cheating himself to think it would change.
She had been lied to, cheated on and still went back it made no sense. Why would she spread that pain and misery to others. He saw good in her, but all he got was her worse. From having a crush to being a friend; he eventually shut down, turned his back walked away.
Saved himself from hurt and pain nothing left to remain. Hoping to find someone that loves them self and him as well.

Being called delusional for having an opinion
Called prideful for standing up when no one else did.
He learned not everyone would like him because he was different
He was a rebel did his own thing not a follower
Walking alone he was tired of conditional love
Why should he compromise himself to be liked to be accepted
The people who opposed him was family it hurt the most
Becoming immune to pain
but didn't have to take it
The right people would accept him flaw and all
They won't cheer for him he had to cheer for himself
Stay motivated shut mouths prove them wrong
All the talking and they did nothing
Piggy back on others accomplishments
Knocking others to feel secure about themselves
Stopped letting toxic people drain him
Refused to empower lazy people that took his credit
Told he had a bad attitude
He didn't let himself be taken for granted
So many people trying to narrate his story but he was the hero and writing his journey

Asked why do you write because it brings joy and passionate about it. Not doing it for money or looking for approval. This journey putting things into perspective taken bumps lots of mistakes learned to not do them again. Learning to forgive yourself is hard asking what could've been done different or how could it have been prevented. Be better for the future for next time when it happens.
Told stories said some real stuff got closure over things that were beyond out of control had no say in the matter. Took responsibility for ones self stopped blaming ones self because of others

Staying sobriety a sincere apology
Altered behavior learned from the mistakes
Working harder showing appreciation
Staying loyal to to everyone and loving
Who had my back through the struggle
Cutting off the toxic not longer involved
Toned down joking people are sensitive
Easily offended making it personal
Trying not to complain by doing my part
Showing gratitude by giving my all
Nice to be appreciated it's a blessing
Motivated to do more dealing with less

Put on music and write
Makes everything fill alright
All the frustration within comes out
Able to tell stories without interruption
Express myself without influence
Not dealing lies or contradiction
From my perspective, how I see it
Getting older more selective about participation
Not empowering deceitful manipulators
Been betrayed before cut the cord
Detached from bad vibes left alone
Live life to the fullest
Hard to get ahead, barely come out even
Made mistakes, learned the lesson
Failed many times, coming back for more
Found peace within a loud mind
A simple life that complicated
Known by many not understood