Able to let it out able to share so many not talking about it. Pretending to be normal been a while no one communicates stuck in their own insanity. Show some feeling emotion all it does is fester up. Ready to explode can't take it or hold on anymore ready to fall leap of faith. Always making the most of things working with what's given. Life's never going to play out as planned make it work keep trying when its not your favor. Moments come and go make them count by making the most of things. Living it while others are giving up.

Feeling the anger weather down as it all gets written out.
Can't be the same anymore.
Tired of being underestimated for being different.
And hated for being cozy in this flesh.
Isolation alone feeling depressed
Trying to do right dealing with wrong
Starts to drain your body of energy
So many bad memories begin to surface crazy to take on the insanity
Remembering faces people once trusted
People who you ***** when you helped them out.
Trying not to cry hold back the tears
The frustration extra high agonizing
Determined to grow dk anymore.
From cheap thrills to no action
Like the song goes no satisfaction

Trying not to over react
Showing interest being fair
Even if I don't agree
Having an opinion gets you divided
Use to being isolated not giving in
Walked away don't care for drama
Not holding a grudge its too heavy
Carrying that burden is draining
When the other person doesn't care
After they use you up
They give the 3rd degree
Only when they want something
They are in your personal space
Things don't turn out accordingly
Not expect in much giving your all
Not saying much but everyone talks
Everyone has an opinion that's respected
No one asked while its being given
He's just minding his mouth because he's the bad guy when he speaks up

I'm gonna chill even though I'm bored  out of my mind
Trying to think about it when it's easier when things are in motion
Ocwrthinking and having nothing. A clear mind
Back on his own forgot about the freedom use to the routine.
Change is good but hard to focus when the bad becomes normal
The mind racing not use to down time
Feeling like all the hard work is being undone long gone forgotten.

Always been a lover in a deep fight
Minding this mouth, that's why I write
I don't need your approval LMB (let me be)
I'm never going to compromise myself
Give up on myself to be liked to be accepted
Friends become enemies left in the past
I'll always love family but doing my own thing
It's sad how tragedy brings everyone together
Grandpa was the glue I love and miss you
Now everyone is divided, holding a grudge
I've never been a materialistic one to help others
Always valued family time now
It's always awkward from traditions to an emotionless gesture Always been a lover in a deep fight
Minding this mouth, that's why I write
I don't need your approval LMB (let me be)
I'm never going to compromise myself
Give up on myself to be liked to be accepted
Friends become enemies left in the past
I'll always love family but doing my own thing
It's sad how tragedy brings everyone together
Grandpa was the glue I love and miss you
Now everyone is divided, holding a grudge
I've never been a materialistic one to help others
Always valued family time now
It's always awkward from traditions to an emotionless gesture

Feel in love was so young
It was new to me why can't we be
Hard for me to see through this lust
You took my heart you broke it too
Never us treated me cruel
All this love turned to hate
Though being you was fate
The day we made love took my breath away
You went away why can't you stay
Now it's over nights are restless
Moving on is hard to do
Forgetting you is denying myself
Moved on being strong
Learning to love again
Can't fake it or pretend
looking for the real thing
True love means everything

I'm single I don't need to take on couples problems. Sharing a common area is the worse. I'm not going to argue your mind that is set in old school ways. I could educate, be informative, but it's up to the individual to learn, or process the idea. It could help but it's mostly up to the person what they do with the information.

He had his person, so he can talk to bounce ideas off. Sometimes he'd listen other times. In his head he thought it was a brilliant but he was wrong lots of twists and turns failed outcomes. Things never went according to plan another outcome that was unexpected. He felt broken and took himself apart and reconstructed himself so he could be better. Told who to be and how to act didn't make sense. He knew his story, knew what he was pursuing. Disappeared so it would just fade away.
He tried to communicate things got worse. No one would come to terms always open to others while they denied and rejected his being. He'd think way too much and write about. He never wrote about people but the situation. How it made him feel coping is hard told not to show any emotions and move on.
Having an opinion made out to be crazy for sharing another way of how things could be done. Some expect him to change but its never good enough. He had enough to deny himself was the worse feeling ever. He didn't know how to act or what to say. Why bother hoping to find a place to feel accepted and belong. Letting go was easier than holding on.

It ***** when certain family members try to knock you and think you're going to listen to them. I don't have the energy to deal with people that try to take their frustrations out on me.
I'm done it been years of tolerating false narratives being outcasted. It doesn't matter anymore find people that value your opinion and don't make things personal. I love family but don't tell me how to live my life. I made mistakes and learned from them. I've been criticized  looked down. I didn't let it hold me back or knock me down.
I got better and did it my way. Stopped seeking approve stopped caring who likes me because the loyal ones have your back. Rather then let the doubt sink in I decided to move on without them. Tell them nothing because they'll always find something to use against you they could feel like they have control manipulate your mood.
I don't agree so I accept the role as the black sheep. I had an opinion doesn't give them the right to be jerks. I refuse be mistreated. What are you going to do not talk to me. We are already there. Slander my name what other lies are you going to say.
Telling the kids not to talk to me because you have a grudge that's right. I was always good to them treated them like my own. That's hurt I live with but sacrifices i respect your call.
I'd talk things out but things will never change. Staying away is easier than denying myself to be liked and accepted. I respect your decisions please respect mine. Easier to be alone someone is always mad. I don't mean to disappoint other the worse is when I disappoint myself trying to do what I love and what makes me happy.

They gave him **** because their life ******. Making everything personal because they can win an argument. He didn't care to get personal.
The problem grew as he thought about it. It faded away as he opened up so many came at him wrong he had thick skin as they tried to get under it. He didn't worry because he knew it would come back to them.
He got a text it was insulting the person didn't have the courage to say it to his face. Freedom of speech be ready for the consequences.

Trying to get it right no more covering for others in the end it falls on you. The stress could be overwhelming and the pressure crushing your heart because you want to do right make it better. No one cares they want it done only focused on the results. Instead of the steps and process it took to get there. For some doing the work is a must there's no short cut or hand out along the way. It's about maintaining everything finding balance to have some peace and closure.

Trying to relate
On the outside looking in
Understand others
Too much shame
Coping With pain
No one seems to care
Take your thoughts
Looking out being
Hate being ignored rejected
Repeating myself is annoying
Take your feelings smashing them
Not taken serious disrespected
Not take into consideration
Heart been through the grinder

He was tired of hiding his skills and talent because he didn't like anyone talking about him or being the center of attention. No matter what he did others were threatened by him still coming at him sour. Lots of twisted people trying to bring him down with them. They saw good in him but didn't want him doing better than them

Maybe the tone was a factor
Not able to Open up its all new
Sometimes it's admired
Other times causing divide separation
Some writers are critics
While others just write
The grammar critics reasons to talk
Hard to make friend over time
From friends to stranger
Close friend to distant foes
Get too involved and up kept out
Stay out of it its dumped on your lap
Not the same respecting your differences
Stop trying to change or fix when no one asked

Always taking lead working
Not I charge but keep it in check
Doing my part than going home
A life outside of work seeking peace
Burnt out prefer to be alone
Working harder to escape
Closer to the finish line going strong
Came up short burned by lazy people
Doing the work under valued
Under appreciated like every job

Waking up tired
Composing myself for the day
Turn the coffee *** on
Creamer in my cup in the mug
Waiting to pour a warm delight
Taking that first sip
Getting the energy to take on life

He went his own way
Made his own path
They kept him out
Didn't listen or care
How he felt expressed concern
All he did was look out
What he thought left annoyed
No one listened very irritating
Now they are in his area
His space feels violated
So much intrusive vibes
All imposition no one asked
Everyone talking about one another
Instead of focusing working hard
Comparing lifestyles be grateful
On what they need to be doing
Starting from nothing moving up
Working hard for everything

Putting his body through hell
Taking the punishment to clear his mind
Waking up with a sore and tender body
Lower back pain that rang through the nerves
In the mirror seeing a swelled face that took a beating
Flirting with pain obsessed with the agony
The tortured soul finding pleasure in the insanity

I published my new episode TT237, please check it out
https://www.podbean.com/ea/pb-aig7d-f0f8e4

A quiet Christmas watching football
Writing lyrics practicing bass guitar
Missing family everything feels forced
We could see each other everyday
No holiday needed to comment
Claiming to be okay being disconnected
Keeping the peace with an internal struggle
No one can sorry its seen as weakness
Being able to forgive without terms and conditions
All the good is forgotten while the bad is held onto
No respect for others feelings but the most sensitive of them all
Don't say anything if you can't take it when people talk back
They are not waiting around to be judged or criticized by someone who's not helping
Wish we could sit under the tree open gifts but everyone talks like they are the head of the table No respect for parents
Stop holding a grudge against them you're an adult it's on you stop blaming them.

Always straight to the point not holding back been writing for years too much insanity. A clear mind dealing with others not causing ruckus confronting others on their bad intentions. He minded his business usually kept out. Mostly ignored for question the logic that doesn't sound right or seems inappropriate. He spoke when spoken to or gave an opinion when asked. Most would impose when he didnt ask their opinion or care what they though.

talk about what you did, dont blame them. I don't want to be responsible for others. I don't expect much from others they expect everything of me. I'm not sure what to do with Bartab. I'm not that person anymore, I'm trying to get back in that mindset again. it's hard when you're not in that place anymore.
scared to get fat watching what I eat

Time passes when life consumes you
Checking on friends some get married
The ones that claimed to be players
Or said they'd never be tied down
With kids showing emotions
In a relationship showing happiness
Use to them being bitter and angry
Some thin as can be now on the heavy side
The alcoholic sober but respect
Some will grow up being know for immaturity
I think about having a reunion with the crew but the real ones never left my side we don't always talk but we are more than friends family is forever

Never meant to be
Break this shattered heart free
Letting go feeling the great escape
Happy for you not time for hate
You replaced me right away
Moved on crazy to stay and wait
Change occurred love yourself
Never begging to be loved
All the betrayal gave me strength
Lost in those wicked ways
Found myself no longer in denial

He seen the error of his ways through someone else he was sorry and embarrassed for his actions sometimes they mean well other times other times it's a conflict of interest. Speaking up does cause conflict bumping heads and egos inflated and deflated clashing with one another.
Experience versus knowledge are factors that make or break the process two perspective that can't find a leveled ground.

Told you are like family its a scary thing because some family treats you right while others treat you like you don't matter. Fighting for your place making it easy for you to walk away. Disappear when things are bad ignored when things are going well. Tired of enabling rewarding bad behavior. The scapegoat no more not taking the blame for others life taking on what matters or what one can handle.
Doing what you love what makes you happy. Keeping life simple not complicating things. Staying out of others affairs don't care to mediate or listen because not one to tell a person what they want to hear but what they need to hear. Always respectful of the situation. Don't bad mouth a person you look like an idiot; when you go back acting like things are fine when they are truly worse off.
Mean what you say and say what you mean. Being observant your actions tell another story while your mouth lies spewing out another false narrative.

They crossed paths
Smiled at one another
One admired the other
Two being different styles
One wanted to be a couple
The other desired a relationship
Companionship over a friendship
One felt the love the other forced it
Valuing individualism broke hearts
Hurt feelings could've been more
Stuck with less obsessive behavior
Love turns to resentful lust
False promises no trust closed off
Expectation leading to disappointment
One not believing in the other
Assuming the worse while up to no good

Minding your business then boom blind sided by family
Climbing to get out of the struggle whole everyone has embraced it
Facing the world isn't enough
Feeling betrayed should've been expected
Would never do it to them like they did you
Avoiding people becomes more comforting
Getting hints not bending over backwards
They don't want you to lie
But don't wanna hear the truth
Seen them as a priority treated like an option
Seen them grow up stayed outta the way
Now they are their own person
Coming at you like you owe them
Let's be civil talk things out
Instead of holding a grudge

He was tired of the same old thing
Seen the world did things
Now stuck working a job he hate
Some places appreciated him
Others treated like he didn't belong
He wrote about his frustration
Since he didn't want to say
Anything he might regret
His mind and tone changed
Easier to let it out then hold on
Its toxic thoughts that cycle
Hopeless feelings of depression
Pushing through feeling trapped
Stuck not able to move
Joints aching with lower back pain
Trying to make it through the week
Heart at one location different vibes
Mind trapped in another rushing everything

He would argue and say the truth everyone got mad. It was a struggle for him to be heard. Everyone acts like their social circle matters or contributes. They did nothing for him once he made his own moves they had the nerve to be mad.
They are not responsible for him and will never be happy for him. They never gave him his props and tried to shadow his success because they owned a home. Like if their opinion mattered more or meant anything to him.
He didn't kiss *** but worked hard busting his *** for what he has. He refused to lower himself to be liked and accepted. He was too old to play games be labeled and boxed in. In the end they didn't care they used him and got what they wanted.
They never called unless they wanted something. If they expected anything from him he did favors but never expected anything in return. They mad him mad and sad he minded his mouth and business but their BS kept coming in his direction.

Better to stay away those unsettling feelings returned
Use to think I coukd trust you
Going hard with that guilt trip
Expecting me to give up and let you win
Always had your back so much pain
Saying I love you after ruining things
Insulting others then adding just kidding
Acting like your world is better
Even though I use to be part of that
We use to date it failed part of fate
Everything I was denied you did
Went on without me never good enough
I'm wishing you the best no hard feelings
Ive been focused being better
Find someone to meet your high standards
What you need to be happy
What you're looking for in your quest
It's not me I'm not the one
We could never talk just argue
Doing some shady activities behind my back
Always picking a fight or trying to get me to confess something to justify your wrong doing
Accused of cheating but never alone being together felt smothering
She was watching me but never did anything
Being isolated from friends they don't like one another put in an awkward situation
Everyone leaves in the end another life in another place
Can't remember anymore so far away
Got sober reminder of blurry moments

Use to be a lead learning to be part of the team use to being solo. Showing up isn't enough being reliable and dependable no life outside of that more rules to follow being lead to another location. Adapting to the ways and adjusting to new people trying to keep it flowing mindset growing and changing.

New ways of life adapting and adjusting to the change. New chapters a new book can't keep reading the same book the ending will never change. Knowing the outcome time for a new outlook perspective on life.
New friends missing the old cut off those ones wishing they'd stay.
Everyone moved on finally doing the same. Holding on and squatting won't get you anywhere. Just falling behind trying to catch up. Matter make a difference so much opposition.

Dk you like that family or not. Don't trust you not going to open up. So you could lie and twist these words use them in your favor. Hard to share be yourself when they think.
They know you but have no clue about your life. Breaking free breaking away feeling grid locked not able to move.

He was tired another fight wasn't the same over all the physical and mental pain. Taking a time out changing it up. Making the most of the moment and situation.
So much change doing it all over not the same. Feels like a lost cause made it have value now it's worthless. Always looking in from the outside. once on the inside he wanted out. Never going to change he was stripped down not himself with anyone. So many made him out to be someone he's not.

The happy couple went to the library. She needed material for school they would look through the books by category. He was enjoying the time together. It's was young and new the puppy love was distracting but they were both in the moment.
She looked at him her eyes lit up, it took him away. He thought she was the one he sat down on the floor. she would straddle him. His heart would she kissed him it took his stress away.
They talked getting to know one another he opened up which was hard for him. No one listened tired of not being heard.

Born in California with American values
Stood up for the flag and said the pledge of allegiance
Prayed to God walked strong with faith
Grew up poor worked hard to rise above
Judged by the color of my skin
Not playing the race card working for it
Speaking English polite with manners
Judged my people for not knowing Spanish
Not one to give up on family values and traditions
Breaking away open to growth
Speak when spoken to out of respect
Unconditional love without terms and conditions
It's not always your place to say anything.
Not always heard able to have an opinion
The sense of belonging able to be yourself
With having to fight for a spot
Prove you belong being loyal and true
Lost norms that need to be brought back

It was a cold chilling night, able to hear creatures brewing in the night. The tension so intense the world stood still. The man of the night would come out fight crime. Make the world safe a better place. Protect those being attacked by evil. The moonlight lights the way.
The neighborhood once peace and calm now it's invaded by criminals selling drugs and changing the way of life with their wicked ways. Change is not always for the better. The town is crumbling most are whatever drifting from the origins. Good doesn't always win but fight the good fight. So much has changed over night.

Sometimes you watch everything to make sure it's safe. All these lies not sure why he stayed. He thought They'd do the right thing. All he needed was a chance an opportunity someone to believe.
Half the time it was a struggle ignored but only talked to when they needed something. Covered for people he couldn't expect the same. Learned to not depend or rely on him. When he though they had his back it would end up being thrown in his face. The betrayal was infuriating. He learned to say NO and keep a distance.

The weight of the world crushing his chest making it hard to breathing. Trying not to disappoint others but disappointed in himself. Trying to find balance working at two location both important to him among the they don't matter. Trying to stay loyal to the old that took care of him. The new took a risk more demanding feeling numb
Just another face in the crowd from a lead to the number 2 guy.
Feeling like a spare tire on hold waiting to be used then back into the bark trunk after the job is done