He wanted to be happy seeing his parents struggle hurt him. All the bad habits that tore the family up. Why did this happen? Why couldn't the family be happy? They didn't have anything but did have each other as they got older everyone grew apart and angry. Everyone would rather be right than happy.
He minded his mouth because it would lead to an argument. Putting his guard down and took a beating. Watching everyone be bitter and self destructive all he wanted was to be happy.
Leaving everyone and thing behind to be sober. Wondering how much more pressure on his heart Why his racing brain would spiral out of control and crash. Trying to relax but feeling like a failure. Things go wrong with family friends and work aking how could he fix it make things right.

He has a younger version of his parents
He loved them with all his heart
But they expected him to praise them
They did nothing for him he had to do it on his own
Working hard busting his **** to get what he needed
He didn't care to feed anyone's ego
No matter what he did they seen him as ghetto
All he wanted was to be himself
So many fakes pretending to be real
Judging everything he did
Never looked at what they did
Like if their wrong doing is justified or pardoned
Giving them the right to look down on others
Tried less than the kids are drug addiction son
Excluded while they collected unemployment as he worked for his

Why do people cheat? Some are married and kids. While others don't have that and want that. It's hard work to get a home some don't want that responsibility or never shown how to get there.
Some have it all and quick to look down on those who are working for it. Talk bad about others but have everything going on for them. It never made any sense. Like if their judgement will make the world better or forgive them for their wrong doings.
So many hidden agendas only in it for their personal gain. Never helping anyone just bashing people for not living up to their ideal standard they are not happy with

The friends become foes conflict over a disagreement. One said "NO" the other assumed. Then tried to make it personal because the demands weren't met. The overreaction would lead to an attitude that was crucial. The passive behavior made things worse. One talked about it the other held a grudge saying everything is okay but no one is talking. Everything died placed on hold peace was found. After taking the blame and processing both realizing its better to cut the cord both stubborn and proud. One had more drama than the other while one decided to not get involve anymore. the transition during the fall out was hard but things got easier over time. Breaking and destroying things never owning up is the worse kind of person to be around, it's always everyone. Violating peoples trust that's why no one bothers anymore. Pretending to be perfect with a drug addiction while being a functioning alcohol.

Never thought they'd do it to you
The day come they had nothing on you
Trying to change how others seen him
It didn't bug him because he was use to being alone
Hard to open up his feelings would be used against him
Make out to be a joke while being serious
Hurt that the ones he valued made him feel useless
Looked out and got burned in the process
Hard to trust easier to disconnect than associate with anyone

Changing up his circle since he preferred to be alone. So many details left and actions that did coordinate. He spoke up people got hurt. once he stopped arguing it ate him from the inside out. Being pushed out now they follow him in his space. They held a grudge, didn't forgive him. He tried but couldn't forgive himself for the conduct.
Showed too much love got nothing in return. Held back felt robbed cheated himself. Some people loved him to his face. Slandered him behind his back. He was loyal to all the wrong people praying for the right once.
Tired of all the rules and double standards when he did things it was taboo. If others did the same it would be socially accepted and praised.

Walked away stayed away from it all. Let them think they won all they do is talk. You set the bar no tried or went that far. Provoked can't stay on top forever takes a lot to get there. Receiving so many haters and doubts ready to pounce on your spot. Knocking you once they to that moment you aren't bothered and don't care anymore. Always the person they blame always focused on the work. Doing what matters not into all the talk or drama causing excuses.

It was his first day he was use to rejection
Surprised she agreed to an evening
Trying to get to know one another
More than puppy love it felt natural
Not one to force things let it be organic
Honesty is important once a lie is injected
Things being to fall apart hard to trust
No longer the same question everything
Being genuine remain loyal around toxicity
Dealing with betrayal infuriating within
The compromise is no longer worth sacrifice

He never cut them off they chose to leave or hold a grudge. He had a hard time, he never fit in always growing can't stay the same anymore. He wished them the best he didn't want to hold them back. Answering to all the wrong people he felt like they'd knock his efforts it was never good enough even though he gave his all. He failed came up short but never quit or gave up took a break after being broken inside.

He went out on the town and dressed to impress he was usually an average Joe. He knew how to dress but worked with his hands and got ***** so wearing a suit was pointless. He would be confronted like he did something wrong. This criticism angered him since he dressed up for the occasion.
The person talking claimed to be better but didn't act like it. He was not impressed by material possessions it. He knew how to respect and treat people right. He don't care how much gold a person wore or how they dressed. He has personality character that surpassed wealth. His respect was warned not given. money is nice to have but it doesn't make you better
This guy with his fancy date, she was dram to his wealth while she got in his ear since he was not too smart and couldn't think for himself

after I woke up from the transplant
I was in ICU the beginning of recovery
The catheter tube would come out
Each day would consist of a task
a cut across my gut I'd pray everyday
My abdominal muscle lacking core strength
A huge cut stapled shut metal stitches
Extremely anxious to get out of bed
Having to page the nurse for assistance
Getting out of bed was difficult
I felt like a turtle on its back
I learned techniques during physical therapy
I had to urinate one of the first tasks
A process that took a few hours
After being assigned was a flow
I'd get up and walk after every meal
trying to keep strong physically
mentally missing work and home
Mostly grandma, her words echoed
"mijo, no one is going to do it for you, you need to do it yourself."
Next, I'd be asked to pass gas ripping a few.
A bowel movement, which was my final task so I could be released to be out patient staying a local to AZ

Times are changing from close to disconnected by betrayal not able to trust or rely on anyone. Straight up to your face cold to you behind your back.
Out of respect said it to the persons face its an insult when words circle back around. Can't pretend things are fine when the person violated your trust all the disrespect is unforgivable. Walked away not saying anything the lies playing victim once caught up.

Not always going to please everyone
Learning to mind your business
Mind your mouth out of the drama
Focused on weaknesses for growth
Turning them into strengths
Failed bouncing back from it
Made mistakes trying to be better
Making moves pursuing the dream
After years of being ignored
A vision in the mind for you
It makes sense others call you crazy
Delusional because you tell them
How they make you feel
What they've done not owning up
Refusing to believe flipping the script

Have you ever gone back to a place that was home. Somewhere safe but it's changed so much no longer the same. With age so much change hard to accept. Becoming the seniority by default. The mentors; who trained you, retiring. Those regular faces replaced by new ones.
Something that was normal feels awkward now uncomfortable.
Trained in the circuit while others used family to move up. Know for my hard work while others us nepotism to advance.
There's no going back once you do. Everyone has moved on, no reason to go back. Everything that had meaning treasures by the heart no longer hold value in reality.

The clown would make the world laugh
He took pride in it to see others smile
The laughter made his heart melt
Till one day he met a little girl
She was always mad and angry
The clown would use his routine
To make her laugh and smile
She would not change her ways
A face of stone no emotions
The clown was determined to get a reaction
Still no reaction the little girl didn't like his antics
She would kick him in the groin
The clown would cry shed a tear
This mean little girl would laugh and smile
Walk away the pain to gain happiness

He was inspired to pursue his dreams after placing them on hold. He wanted to help but had nothing to offer. He learned that he would have to help himself first. After being insulted by someone he thought highly of. Always assumed the worse or expected him to fail.
Bouncing back knowing he's not seen as an equal but working harder than those whom judged and labeled him. He was never materialistic and treated people right that said more than possessions. In the trenches making moves while others say back watch him do the work once he made it they wouldn't give him any credit. He had a chip on his shoulder but it never went to his head.
Everyone would point out the flaw and mistakes rather than give him any credit. He'd cross things off his to do list while others would add ideals or standards that kept him out of had nothing to do with but expected him to live up to these standards.

Thinking too much can't rest or relax
Missed his family felt out of place
Trying to make it right
Another grudge treated differently
Kept out meant well looked out
The mistake held over head
No going back no longer the same
Dk how to make it right
Said sorry not forgiven
Altered behavior labeled by the past
Sober for them now its for ones self
Got clean seeing more clearly
Not arguing learning to listen
Speaking when spoken to or asked
Wondering when and where it all went wrong
Can't go back doing what's right in the moment
Reached out and ignored not feeding egos
Pride got the best of us not talking anymore
Not fighting for a dieing friendship that's one sided
Called selfish while being selfless
Entitled while working for it

Everyday is a new day
Make the most of it
Ready to ask her to lunch
But she was a no show
Ready to go she wasn't there
He didn't prepare there she stood
He practiced what he wanted to say
Then his mind got overwhelmed
Chose to do nothing about it
Not able to express himself
Writing in on the page for hours
Seeing it one way but it turns out another
His imagination gave him closure
Found peace not infatuated with anyone
Deep bold statements off the top of the head

In his head he thought highly of them
Time pasted he hyped up others
So much change over the years
A lonely guy who wanted a family
Friends with kids and not happy
Still single waiting for the one
Looking for love while others lust
While others divorced calling it quits
Blaming young love for it failing
Starting a new relationship
The way he felt changed
Seeing things differently
Feeling hated by everyone
Unworthy of love wanting to fit in
On the outside looking in
All the resentment keeping a distance

Sad to see everyone go away
Everyone getting older part of life
Tired of being rushed to matter
Never been materialistic
Be a good person hope the right people appreciate you and your efforts

People set in their ways
You Ask them
What do they want improved
How can this be better
Questions no one asks
Trying to raise the bar
Everyone talks about change
But makes no effort to do so
Because it leads to more work
All the complaining it doesn't get done

Who has kids and doesn't tend to their needs. Some choose their bad habits over a child thats sad to hear and see. Some neglect the current family and have a new family. The world doesn't make sense and crazy.
You get tired of turning blind eye and letting bad be rewarded. Asking questions with no answers and more questions with confusing outcomes./results. It's been a long week dealing with people who don't get along or two faced. Wanting to be a leader, but not wanting the responsibility. Learning to be a leader is hard while trying to focus on the task at hand.

The way of pain and hurt
Comes back without alcohol
Dealing with the pain
Memories remain
So much gain sober living
Learned to love yourself
Be yourself without hatred
Thinking of relapse grown far away from it
Never going back to self destruction
Can't be consumed by the past
Fear of the future living in the moment

She was my friend starting a new chapter in her life. She once asked me why I never asked her out. I heard your problems and all your weakness it would be wrong to know your flaws and pursue you. I had you at your worse as a friend all I can do is be there for you. We could not be anything more our friendship was rocky you dated guys who hurt you and took you for granted. While I had my drinking problem and partied way too much. I was a chapter in your life but now you venture to a new journey. Glad you found love and found someone who will take care of you. You did great while I worked twice as hard and barely getting by. We smiled and laughed cried together but those are memories of the past we departed went out separate way. I'll always be happy for you and believe in you.

Writing about equality and fairness
Not for me but for those that feel lost
Alone in those tormenting emotions
Dealing with people is hard
Who tried to knock you for it
What's worse is when its family
Your close friends fake to your face
Talking behind your back
You respect them to tell them straight up

You cant day anything they try to twist your words. Make you out to be the bad guy when they are doing, or have done worse. Trying to cancel you out change erase history to justify these new made morals and standards. Raised differently compared to today sensitive society. Trying to tell people how to act when they dk how to act right themselves.   Never been one to hide behind a computer screen spoke up said something. If nothing got done just focus on getting your stuff done.  That hard work over political debates because so many can BS their way through trying to dump in on someone else.

The day it ended tears were shed
Wondering where and why it went wrong
Thought it was a happily ever after
It was over no second chance
Never forgiven eyes of hate
The hardest part is forgiving yourself
One day but not in this life time
Addicted to her love can't get that fix
Detoxing going without healing overtime
The self destruction didn't help situation
Making things worse pushed everyone away
Blocking it all than facing reality
Distracted by work keeping positive
Felt worthless and unworthy
Seeking to be whole never going back

Trying to stay on beat a major key
Focus on the count hit every note
Keep up with tempo matching the band
Lots of practice work on technique
Be prepared not a nervous wreck
Survivor mode be able to hang
Proving it can be done
Able to replicate most of all produce

Trying to fill those pages pages not sure how to feel or what to write. New year new day to wake up write do it better at night with music playing. Should be sleeping up late with these raw emotions learning to deal with these feelings that don't always make sense.

He worried it didn't happened more determined than before. Did his part and more just in the background. He wanted to be a lead but everything was harder than it should be. He didn't always agree but did respect the decision made. His family at him up wanting to be there to be around. Everything was tainted had to be a struggle so much conflict for expressing concern. They don't know your story quick to make assumptions. Trying to think your life but dk your experience. It wasn't a priority in his eyes why did they make it out to be drama. Even if he had done it or if it mattered to him they wouldn't care or give a ****.

He wasn't one to judge anyone, he was trying to better his situation. Fix himself since He seen and been through stuff. He didn't use or take advantage of anyone to get there. He was always working for his learning to say what he wanted. He got tired of going with the flow because it never ended well. In the end felt robbed and cheated by everything. Provoked by people he valued that made him feel worthless.
Came up short on those effort. Tried and did more since no one else cared or put forth any effort.
Once he spoke up or called them on their action they would try to blame or give an attitude because they got caught. He might've looked busy but did observe the situation.

Trying to find love with all the wrong people
Between the lines a response to the lies
Ignorance is a bliss trying to get it twisted
The projecting not holding any truth
Chew out comments are ruthless
A silent mouth not reacting or responding
Writing to drop the burdens
Not being weighed down an escape route
Being baited into the trap free from the past
***** it he was out even though there was more criticism.
He had changed so they would leave him alone
Now they are on him again it was right
He stopped drinking and moving forward
He didn't want to argue
Everything becomes an obstacle
When it could've been a simple yes or no
He didn't tear people down
But he got an ear full didn't take it to heart
He was growing not how others want
But there was progress

He had down time so he would get lost in books and writing those things made him laugh and smile. He wasn't afraid to be alone but he was feeling betrayed used up then they were done and wanted nothing to do with him. He was willing to go the extra mile make it easy for himself. Doing a job no one wanted because of the rough area. He took pride in his work everything changed and was different a whole new world and vibe.

Feeling the anger weather down as it all gets written out.
Can't be the same anymore.
Tired of being underestimated for being different.
And hated for being cozy in this flesh.
Isolation alone feeling depressed
Trying to do right dealing with wrong
Starts to drain your body of energy
So many bad memories begin to surface crazy to take on the insanity
Remembering faces people once trusted
People who you ***** when you helped them out.
Trying not to cry hold back the tears
The frustration extra high agonizing
Determined to grow dk anymore.
From cheap thrills to no action
Like the song goes no satisfaction

How to heal a world that's turned upside down. Everyone life put on pause or moments of joy taken away. Wanting an old life back the new one feels gutted. Everything lost some things are replaceable others all you want is more time.
Being careful then finding out you are positive already distant forced to stay away. You worry about your loved one. Work and home no outside life a scary world some believe others don't. Once it spreads within your family it's the worse. Watching and there's nothing you can do.
Writing to stay sane fill that void the hole within never happy or satisfied with life. Made the most of things family like a shadow casting on you. Dealing with the guilt all the burden. Always in a fight life is tough ready to walk away this struggle within. Letting go of the hurt like a security blanket. This new anguish taking its toll all new. Hurting from the inside out. Screaming into a pillow hoping to release tension.

you asked for help, and it was hard to do
You're sharing a moment to have it ruined
Not contributing anything to case
The nerve to complain about things
Controlling the mood, making everyone miserable
Taking over the TV talking loud
Not able to sleep, keeping everyone up
No one asked or cares about your opinion
Trying to take credit shoveling the BS heavy
Failed since day one couldn't be alone
Bringing your partner all you do is argue
around a couple with bad habits
stuck with a **** relationship
a squatter trying to control a formal gang banger
how does a person munch on food
Knock out in the middle of eating
hard to sleep with snoring and bad sleep apnea from the terrible roommates
The caretakers from hell
Expected the best dealing with the worst
They aren't going to take care of you
So you take your health in your own hands
when you want to do things, they make it ****
stuck doing their bs agenda because they are bored
it's never in your best interest