He was always the bad guy in the story. Even though there's two sides or depends on who you ask/tells the story. He didn't have a lot of close friends. He was thankful for the true friends over the years. They called him fake for being positive grew up with less worked for more. Not scared of anyone not taking craps from anyone.

Growing up learning on your own not being told you're good but everyone quick to point out everything you did wrong. Learned by watching getting in there not afraid to try lots of failure before succeeding.
Being taunted and mocked worked harder than everyone to stand out know for hard work didn't talk get involved work politics. Never one to **** up but work till it became natural did it right.
Achieved those old finally setting new ones still working to pursue the dream. Building up for the next level onto a new life a new chapter.

He loved the sport and coaching for it. Feeling aged out but missed so much. Times have changed everyone tries to be a brand or product instead of being invested in the sport. He didn't care for gimmicks just hard working individuals that give their all.
Drilling hard going through the motions. The urge within is deep learning and listening to improve. The thoughts are looping, piecing together all the technique.
His mind was ******* up after failed love being with the wrong person who didn't believe in him. He didn't have to prove himself when he did it was for all the wrong people.
He knew the highs and lows the dark side of the sport. Missing the mats getting back into it doing pad work. He was obsessed before lost his focus now he's focused trying to learn and teach others what he knows they can grow and improve.

They made his dreams forbidden making him want it more. Being set on the back burner doing things behind the scenes working ******* the down low. He had a moment talking to his brother a moment to reflect the outcome of a series of events that occured over the years. His mind raced for answers the moment had passed him by all that he can do was ponder how things could've been done differently.
He didn't want to make it about him so he decided to mind his mouth, fade out of the picture. He stopped showing up. Let them win because he knew the conflict was not going to ever be resolved, so much favoritism. All he wanted was to learn and grow not feed egos clash with imposers that ruined his efforts to feed their starving machismo.

Stopped holding it in, protecting the shady that play the victim. They talk bad about others to feel superior can't do it alone so they recruit more haters. Never conform to their made up plan that doesn't apply until they need something. Once you can't they see you as the worse treat you like you don't matter. Sad about these people was open honest and genuine. Treated them right and fair. Now they don't care acting like you own them. They didn't get their way now they don't care about you anymore

It ***** dealing with controlling people. Half the time they are wrong but still make a scene. You try to joke with them but everything is serious. So you don't say anything. Then they try to dump some BS on you trying to be funny about it. We aren't on that level.
Some play the role as boss and others act like you owe it to them. I respect your place and what you've done but don't try to bring that chip on your shoulder this way. You punk and bully everyone that's why no one bothers with you. Making a scene doesn't justify your actions.

Tired of being told how to live
By people that settled right away
Who don't take their own advice
Use to care too much being excluded
Hoping they'd be accepting one day
More rules on how to behave
While their kids ran a muck
Doing things expecting favors repaid
Telling them how you feel and think
They can't comprehend it's dismissed
Turning everyone trying to control
Not playing walking away from this
Been there before didn't care for it
Not empowering hatred staying strong
A trail blazing leader not a follower
Use to being alone people go away
Hard to get close with an open heart
Not attached expecting them to stay
Live life on the go not waiting around

He embraced silence tired of being told how to think. Not easy to open up since its not safe to open up. He wrote so he wouldn't be lost in his thoughts. After analyzing the situation up and down; all around till it lost meaning. Did it mean anything, did it matter?
He worked hard to stand out while some did nothing making him out to be a threat because he actually cared showed interest. All he did was make it easy for himself if others benefited it was a bonus.
Burned out from the sun lots of yard work. Not a lead but leading by example. He worked trying to get in while those **** up given the opportunity.
He was a harder worker busting his never kissing up. He believed his hard work stood on his own. He didn't complain or bicker just trying to leave his print make a difference

He looked in the mirror, a who new personal his reflection. He lost 76 pounds due to his cirrhosis. Staying sober but always hungry not able to eat watching his sodium intake.
The diet helped with his health. Did all the LA requirements then passed off to Mayo Clinic. Now he's waiting for the call so that he could get the transplant recieve a new liver.
Waiting was driving him crazy, he gave it to God. The waiting process drove him crazy. He grew impatient trying to maintain his frustration. He couldn't hide it you could see the anger and his emotions became frantic within.
Watching what he ate, feeling limited some days his body was strong other days he felt weak. Working because he was able to do so. While others collect money to be home. He needed to be doing something or he'd go crazy thinking about it.
His eyes yellow they became the new norm. His hair wasn't full he hoped after the procedure it might grow back fully. Writing about this encounter, the experience. hoping others would understand.
He was always an outcast or socially awkward at he wanted was to be normal. Everything he did was outside of the box. He'd rather be on the outside looking in than boxed in being on the inside and miserable.

Years of being counted out
Being ignored hated every minute
No one listening feeling insulted
Being talked over not being heard
Told them what's up no one cared
Always excluded treat unfair
Working on the side lost in the hustle
Trying to get it together on the Dlow
No one gives credit but ready to take it
Being disconnected making a stand
Everyone latching on when things are good
Leaving you with their bad trying to drain your positivity

Writing after hours enjoyed the quiet night. The candle lit as adding a vibe
So much emotions unable to hide it all. It came out ****** expressions the tone set. Not taking crap from anyone denied by his peers. The rejected did bother all they cared about was his work. Always ignored majority of the time. Now a flood of violation imposing personal space because they wanted something.
All the disrespect became infuriating it because to take toll rants and tangents expressing himself

A nobody working behind the scenes
Working with a somebody
Remembering the glory days
Working harder Than before
They dk him or what he can do
Rose above the lies cutting ties
Proving them wrong not boxed in
Lots of self-improvement with growth
Not part of the rumors drifting away
From close to complete strangers
Fought for them stood by their side
Now against you attacking strong
Taking the blame in the name of love
Opened to change new mindset
Everyone remained the same negative

They don't respect you but Dk your story. What you've seen and been through. Talking to you like you're waiting for them to tell you how to live your life when they aren't even living the life they set out to live.
Not one to compete or compare with others that aren't doing what one is pursuing on the journey.
Forgiving others even if they are still angry its better to walk away. Being around them as they destroy everything in their path soon it might be you. Hard to trust anyone marking others soon you might become a target.
Being brushed off ignored by everyone gave you room and space to do your own thing working harder and grinding to the fullest

Open to change willing to grow
Do the work not the drama
Stop comparing or blaming
Ask what you want and apply
Writing it out with feelings
Cope with those emotions
Let it free from within
Free from the past life lessons
Live in the present
Analyze and revise the plan

Judged for being single
I respect you chose to settle
Able to be free not in a relationship
Responsible for myself doing my part
Able to go out not a parent
Using kids or a partner an alibi
I don't use anyone as an excuse
Relationships are complicated
Enjoying life living to the fullest
Appreciate those moments take them in
Not writing about failed love
Reliving the trauma anymore
Not that fixated person anymore
Meant to be much more than before
Onto better when kept out
Definitely better stop denying that right
That's why you are being talked about

Watching people come and go took down the welcome mat. Saved their place I wasn't worthy of a place at their table. They slandered his name he never spoke bad about them. Making him look bad in front of a girl who was into him so that this scumbag could make his move.
A true friend wouldn't do that. A huge sign of disrespect and broken trust acting like they are loyal and true to your face. Violated trust means no more openness closed off pushed out.
If a person chooses to be single don't belittle them because you chose to settle. Acting like you're better than everyone talking about others like it's their right. Done with people like that family hurts the most. You have their back and they are quick to knife you in the heart. If they do that to family I get why no one is close to them. Or why they don't have any friends.

The fresh air smell of the baseball field
Watching the youth play lost in the game
Everyone moment coaching on first base
Prep talks in the dug out to hit the ball
Encouraging them to be better focused
Work on the strengths let them perform
Improve on those weakness lots of reps
Prep for the next game lots of practice

A few years out of high school they hung out in his friends car. Catching up talking everyone grew up and apart they use to be close. She always belong to someone else while they were friends.
She knew he had a crush but he was respectful of her. He had gone off to school experienced the world. She was finally single she was enjoying a few drinks and would kiss him on the cheek.
He was glad that happened but didn't take advantage since he didn't drink anymore overprotective of his sobriety.
He got lost in his mind asking questions wondering what it meant? She was finally single but he had other ideas on how things would go between them.

He had down time so he would get lost in books and writing those things made him laugh and smile. He wasn't afraid to be alone but he was feeling betrayed used up then they were done and wanted nothing to do with him. He was willing to go the extra mile make it easy for himself. Doing a job no one wanted because of the rough area. He took pride in his work everything changed and was different a whole new world and vibe.

Dealing with my elder
Much love and respect for them
Once you move up feeling held back
Rather than be happy hate on all efforts
Trying to move up in survival mode
Now suppose to support the family
first job success abuse fathers ego
Tried to work with family but the expectation was too high
Gave your all it was never enough
Dealing with older people that act like children
Some know better, chose not to do so
Trying to be a child forced to be an adult
Now a adult learning to maintain
Emotional frustration enraged
Physical exhausted engulfed by pain

Being my own man growing up
Not like my parents an individual
Being my own man standing tall
Trying to survive the struggle
Grew up around addiction
Bad habits over family love
No way to raise a child
Trying not to repeat history
Fear of the unknown a mystery
Writing to keep a clear mind
Facing the truth embracing reality
In love with the truth inside out
In a world of lies dieing inside

Who has kids and doesn't tend to their needs. Some choose their bad habits over a child thats sad to hear and see. Some neglect the current family and have a new family. The world doesn't make sense and crazy.
You get tired of turning blind eye and letting bad be rewarded. Asking questions with no answers and more questions with confusing outcomes./results. It's been a long week dealing with people who don't get along or two faced. Wanting to be a leader, but not wanting the responsibility. Learning to be a leader is hard while trying to focus on the task at hand.

Meet a nice girl who's not materialistic
Someone accepting that
Doesn't change anything about you
Open to grow together feel like an equal
Not be submissive or treat one bad for power
Something natural not forced rewarding
Not soul ******* and toxic with an ego
Seems easy but it's complicated most of the time

Hard to sleep thinking about the future
Part of a hard working team
Hoping it doesn't get cancelled
Found confidence in the pad work
Glad someone trusted and believed in you
Set aside on the sidelines due to injury
Always looking in thinking about it
Loved the sport gave it everything
Even when he came up short a new role
Opportunity presented itself applied for it
He made those moves needed change
Hoping it wasn't false promise
Trying to finish strong after so many detours
The journey with the roadblocks
Trying to go through come out unscathed
Bounce back after taking a few bumps

He knew the truth honored it
Never given a chance took many risks
Going against the odds no one listened
No one believed in his skills
Thought he could do it
Got tired working the hardest
Giving his all seen as a rebel
Speaking up when no one else did
Stood alone while everyone followed
Asking questions not getting answers
Called a tyrant seen as delusional

All he needed was one chance
An opportunity to seize the moment
Gave his all came up short
Thankful for the strangers
Who believed in him and supportive
While he worked hard to prove
All the doubters and haters wrong
He didn't talk just put his head down
Plowed through with no regret
Didn't like his place changed his role
Open to change and grow

He loved his family but didn't want to hear all the arguing. No one got alone everyone spoiled and entitled while he worked hard for his. Always felt excluded when things are going well. But never got any love or support for it.
Things were bad everyone would include him when he didn't care or want to be involved. It wasn't his business because he didn't care. If he tried to be supportive he would be ignored and kept out.
He didn't wait around or rely on people open to learn everything. Focused on work not drama trying to leave things better than how he found them. Took pride in his work when his crew did the bare minimum. He wasn't trying to tale anyone's job but he did raise the bar. His job wasn't hard but dealing with an useless ego and power trip made it ****.
He loved his family but never felt like it got better everyone has their way and not happy. They try to tell him when he already knows or been there. Never seen as an equal while everyone tries to take charge telling people when not one asked or trying fix others lives when they don't have it together.

They try to stone wall you not take accountability for their actions but quick to put you in the hot seat. Over those awkward silences no one is talking about them and quick to play the victim.
It's uncomfortable dealing with their bad attitudes they've cussed you out and act like they've been good to you or loyal. Usually the ones dragging your name through the mud to cover their ****. If they owned up instead of being disrespectful would make things easier. Said I was sorry and wrong from my side that's the pride keeping everyone divided.

Trying to be myself and not worry about what others think or feel. You are nice and they walk all over you once you set boundaries they keep up the nonsense it ***** I have to go out of my way to avoid them.
I don't like to let people ruin my day some people just give off those bad vibes to me thats a sign to stay away. They want you to speak up first then what they say is justified. They have so much anger and frustration if they tore you down they'd still be miserable.
I mind my mouth and business but those people, who don't like you always talk about you or try to be in your business.

They gave him **** because their life ******. Making everything personal because they can win an argument. He didn't care to get personal.
The problem grew as he thought about it. It faded away as he opened up so many came at him wrong he had thick skin as they tried to get under it. He didn't worry because he knew it would come back to them.
He got a text it was insulting the person didn't have the courage to say it to his face. Freedom of speech be ready for the consequences.

He had his person, so he can talk to bounce ideas off. Sometimes he'd listen other times. In his head he thought it was a brilliant but he was wrong lots of twists and turns failed outcomes. Things never went according to plan another outcome that was unexpected. He felt broken and took himself apart and reconstructed himself so he could be better. Told who to be and how to act didn't make sense. He knew his story, knew what he was pursuing. Disappeared so it would just fade away.
He tried to communicate things got worse. No one would come to terms always open to others while they denied and rejected his being. He'd think way too much and write about. He never wrote about people but the situation. How it made him feel coping is hard told not to show any emotions and move on.
Having an opinion made out to be crazy for sharing another way of how things could be done. Some expect him to change but its never good enough. He had enough to deny himself was the worse feeling ever. He didn't know how to act or what to say. Why bother hoping to find a place to feel accepted and belong. Letting go was easier than holding on.

Trying to relate
On the outside looking in
Understand others
Too much shame
Coping With pain
No one seems to care
Take your thoughts
Looking out being
Hate being ignored rejected
Repeating myself is annoying
Take your feelings smashing them
Not taken serious disrespected
Not take into consideration
Heart been through the grinder

talk about what you did, dont blame them. I don't want to be responsible for others. I don't expect much from others they expect everything of me. I'm not sure what to do with Bartab. I'm not that person anymore, I'm trying to get back in that mindset again. it's hard when you're not in that place anymore.
scared to get fat watching what I eat

Always straight to the point not holding back been writing for years too much insanity. A clear mind dealing with others not causing ruckus confronting others on their bad intentions. He minded his business usually kept out. Mostly ignored for question the logic that doesn't sound right or seems inappropriate. He spoke when spoken to or gave an opinion when asked. Most would impose when he didnt ask their opinion or care what they though.

He went his own way
Made his own path
They kept him out
Didn't listen or care
How he felt expressed concern
All he did was look out
What he thought left annoyed
No one listened very irritating
Now they are in his area
His space feels violated
So much intrusive vibes
All imposition no one asked
Everyone talking about one another
Instead of focusing working hard
Comparing lifestyles be grateful
On what they need to be doing
Starting from nothing moving up
Working hard for everything

Feel in love was so young
It was new to me why can't we be
Hard for me to see through this lust
You took my heart you broke it too
Never us treated me cruel
All this love turned to hate
Though being you was fate
The day we made love took my breath away
You went away why can't you stay
Now it's over nights are restless
Moving on is hard to do
Forgetting you is denying myself
Moved on being strong
Learning to love again
Can't fake it or pretend
looking for the real thing
True love means everything