The crazy thing about being in loving some one who doesn't love you back. Like an idiot you wait. then you see they moved on then decide to so the same but it ruins your current relationship. The person loves you but you don't love them back the guilty conscience eats at your soul.
That person is controlling and draining realizing its better probably easier to be single. Everything feels forced and never natural. Once you give maximum effort to make it work but being ruined all the demands are never good enough.
Once you are single you ask who you are and what do you want. Learn to do things by yourself. Thinking for one is hard enough but thinking for two extremely stressful.

Fighting for change everything remains the same. So much struggle hard to gain. Always coming up short, don't care for the politics. Been focused on the work lost inside the project. Writing to stay sane so much injustice double standards seen and treated differently.

That macho BS among men
Some act like they don't need help
Others try to do it all too much pride
Some are just there making the most
The situation changes more crap
Making right others mistakes
Sometime you matter filling the gaps
Once they get their way set aside
What they want taking credit
They don't need you feeling robbed

From one bad habit to the next. Gave up drinking now stuck on sugar it use to be an occasional thing but it became an everyday thing.
Changing up those habits. It became comfort after a few bad relationships and working jobs that lost value. From excitement to just going through the motions.
See things one way but it turned out another way. Working with what's given not too many chances or opportunities floating around
Took some chances and risks to end up back at square one. Ends up being frustrating making a compromise.

He had been betrayed by friends how can he trust anyone. The women he loved were never loyal didn't love him back. Some how it was his fault for their actions. If he made a messed up, he would own it. Most of all be held accountable. Never hearing the end of his mistake. Things are not the same he worried for others that allowed it instead of doing something about it

Dealing with that coworker, who does nothing but takes credit. Sad that I have to say "I'm joking" when I'm being sarcastic. I was insulted, I'm doing my best not to argue or feed into the drama. I lead by example I bust my *** get in there get it done. While the lead just knocks everyone.
Seen those true colors going to change things by working harder. Talk to the team hopeful work together around the problem. It ***** how one person could ruin everyone's day.
Everyone wants has problems just trying to make work better. I don't need another rude person in my life I already have cousins that make thongs awkward and uncomfortable. I don't need that at work.

Heart racing foot shaking
Trying to remain calm
Eye twitching face feeling hot
Staying centered and composed
Not sure how to act on anxiety meds
Dealing with made up scenarios
Walking away feels like your fading away
Use to fight for a place once belonged
Lost value not the same anymore
Growing more hard to fit in
Doesn't belong just trying be an equal
Excluded from crazy once was phased

The pen helps me feel bleeding out emotions
Hard to express myself to others the ink bleeds on the page.
The page hears my feelings that are deep sometimes dark to a human ear.
Making sense of my pain lost of raw emotions that are not hear but come out in words.
My soul is calm from writing pouring out is soothing to the heart
Not always the good guy in others stories but meant well and always misunderstood.
Things don't always make sense or turn out right
The pen helps my imagine go wild being able to share what's bouncing around in the mind
Writing is alone time putting life into perspective

Sometimes you find it in others
Other times you need to find it within
Other times you take time for yourself
Taking risks doing what you love
What makes you happy it feels right
You laughed and smiled it felt right
Feeling accomplished achieved glad to be doing it for myself
Over being lost with ways that don't make sense
It's always what others want others structure
I've followed the rules and broke them it's never in my favor
The day you said I couldn't I did
The day I failed it ate me up but still alive
Determined to make it feeling like myself again

Blessed not letting the bad
Ruin the good they dk your efforts
Taking time to get stronger than before
Never going to be that way again
Overtime growing mentally
Spiritually healing from the torment
Deep breaths taking in the good
Blowing out the bad vibes
Striving and thriving to be more

He couldn't make them happy
Their misery made him sad
Ruining his plans to fill the void
Being a team player feeling played
Told to be a man get it done
Ignored on the old side looking in
Feeling excluded discouraged by them
But when they needed a favor h
He was an idea or considered
Taking on toxic machismo
So many lies and contradictions
Picking up everyone's slack overwhelmed burnt out
Don't want to do extra
Afraid to let anyone down
Fear of seeing the team lose
Trying to help hate to see them struggle
Working harder not one to surrender
Earning every cent trying to get ahead
Working for respect since nothing is given

Taking your path staying in your lane
People waste your time because they settled
Don't give up who you are to make them happy
When a person causes you pain and misery distance yourself
It will come back all those lies and shady actions will comeback for chosing to wrong others.
Not plotting revenge or talking smack the truth with come out
It ***** when people know but act like they have no clue

Never meant to be
Break this shattered heart free
Letting go feeling the great escape
Happy for you not time for hate
You replaced me right away
Moved on crazy to stay and wait
Change occurred love yourself
Never begging to be loved
All the betrayal gave me strength
Lost in those wicked ways
Found myself no longer in denial

Music in these ears
Emotions from the pen
Feelings bleeding out
Inking it all in
Drawing to emotions
Walking down the isle
To theme music
Fans cheering or booing
A fan living the dream
Never thought it would happen
Working for this dream
Only one who seems to believe

Don't waste your time trying to change the past. Be better for the future I love writing and playing with scenarios but what ***** is it doesn't turn out accordingly. You could mentally prep but sometimes you have to let things play out to find out.
There's always an x factor that is never considered or taken into consideration. It can be draining so you shut it down. Always overthinking with the worse outcome sometimes it ends up being different than expected.

Writing his story asking who would appreciate this or would find this amusing a boy forced to grow up and as an adult still figuring it out. He didn't have any role models mostly the stuff he seen on TV. He thought any life was better than the one he was born into. His family was not what you saw on TV. He expected and wanted more out of life.
He did some of the traditional things but felt like part of him got lost/stuck in the transition. The more he wanted in they kept him out. When he walked away after being excluded they had the nerve to say he was head strong had a bad attitude delusional because he had goals and dreams. They couldn't help him, so he got it else where.

Things didn't happen right away
Not sure what to expect or how to act
Not always the first pick or get the girl
Didn't get his hopes up came up short
Usually ended up disappointed
Lost in his hopes feeling overwhelmed
Emotions got the better of him
Betrayed by family still showing love
Hurt by his best friend hard to trust
Stayed away got sober friends faded
Blamed for cheating his girl cheating
Called bad names an unfaithful luster
Trying to expose the shame of yesterday
Did it matter it was all in the past
Taunted by the tormenting present
Pulled back by the past fighting regret
Living in the moment escaping anguish
Focused on the future new goals rising up

You can have a conversation so you slander everyone's rep. Calling people delusional or crazy because they don't listen to your criticism no one asked for.
When people call you out or have a different opinion you try to excluded and isolate everyone. Never going to be accepted or fall into that shallow group.
Insulting my character says more about you than me.
Telling a person to pay rent when you never did. Piggy backing off others acting like you did the hard work. Too much time on your hands do something with yourself instead of knocking others

He read poetry in his room
Hoping to find love escaping doom
Peace and closure feelings ran deep
Made it easy for him to sleep
Laying in his bed clearing his head
All the loss had more meaning
All the victories short lived feelings
An internal struggle that was real
Another short deal now healing
Giving it all is never enough
Getting older making it tough
An adult heart conflicts with childhood
Not the same from the neighborhood
Come so far people can't forget the past

Always been a lover in a deep fight
Minding this mouth, that's why I write
I don't need your approval LMB (let me be)
I'm never going to compromise myself
Give up on myself to be liked to be accepted
Friends become enemies left in the past
I'll always love family but doing my own thing
It's sad how tragedy brings everyone together
Grandpa was the glue I love and miss you
Now everyone is divided, holding a grudge
I've never been a materialistic one to help others
Always valued family time now
It's always awkward from traditions to an emotionless gesture Always been a lover in a deep fight
Minding this mouth, that's why I write
I don't need your approval LMB (let me be)
I'm never going to compromise myself
Give up on myself to be liked to be accepted
Friends become enemies left in the past
I'll always love family but doing my own thing
It's sad how tragedy brings everyone together
Grandpa was the glue I love and miss you
Now everyone is divided, holding a grudge
I've never been a materialistic one to help others
Always valued family time now
It's always awkward from traditions to an emotionless gesture

Laying in the darkness the clock reading 5:00
Woke up not interested in getting out of bed
The body and mind not on the same page
Mentally ready for the day, rise and grind
Physically not ready, work demands hard labor
A moment to compose to take on the day
The body wants more time for rest
Someday are easy, others can be difficult
Sometimes showing up is not enough
Mentally tough others can make it rough
Sleepy days turn into restless nights
Naps to recharge do more bad than good

He was always the bad guy in the story. Even though there's two sides or depends on who you ask/tells the story. He didn't have a lot of close friends. He was thankful for the true friends over the years. They called him fake for being positive grew up with less worked for more. Not scared of anyone not taking craps from anyone.

He sat across from her at dinner
Couldn't help but smile
Nervous inside he might say something dumb
He was truthful out of respect
Mouth might get him in trouble
He was excited for the chance
An opportunity to get to know her
All he wanted was love to be natural
Didn't want to lose himself in the wrong person
Not forcing it looking for something real
She smiled at the conversation
Her laughter was soothing
Gave him hope he got joy from
They walked together sharing funny stories
A life time experiences that moment treasured

Better to stay away those unsettling feelings returned
Use to think I coukd trust you
Going hard with that guilt trip
Expecting me to give up and let you win
Always had your back so much pain
Saying I love you after ruining things
Insulting others then adding just kidding
Acting like your world is better
Even though I use to be part of that
We use to date it failed part of fate
Everything I was denied you did
Went on without me never good enough
I'm wishing you the best no hard feelings
Ive been focused being better
Find someone to meet your high standards
What you need to be happy
What you're looking for in your quest
It's not me I'm not the one
We could never talk just argue
Doing some shady activities behind my back
Always picking a fight or trying to get me to confess something to justify your wrong doing
Accused of cheating but never alone being together felt smothering
She was watching me but never did anything
Being isolated from friends they don't like one another put in an awkward situation
Everyone leaves in the end another life in another place
Can't remember anymore so far away
Got sober reminder of blurry moments

He was ******* himself when things didn't go right. Wondering where it went wrong life doesn't always make sense. He could figure it out get it right now things are sick twisted than ever. Doing what's best for himself without being seen as selfish. He was selfless putting others first before his own needs. Gave up things, so he be there he feared missing out.

Doing your thing
No one cared it didn't matter
Or be happy for you
Keep motivated working
Stay strong inspired to go
All the dramas not worth it

Handling change isn't always easy not going to turn out accordingly. Doing it to be selfless so many narrate it out to be selfish. Always doing favors once NO is said that's always remembered.
All the other good deeds don't matter anymore.
Your moment passed moved onto new had no choice they went on without you. About time you did the same all the waiting wasn't worth it.

Comfy in his own skin he was tired of others trying to manipulate him. He wanted to be himself that's all he wanted. They tried to twist his feelings and use his emotions against him. They couldn't talk to him so they talked about him once he called them on it the tone changed. He didn't care to get personal focused on his work took pride in his work while others tried to politic themselves to the next level. Some would debate but the work spoke the truth. He didn't make a fuss or bother with the people who made things personal because they tried to cheat and cut corners to get ahead.
He liked to work made the most of things and made it happen with what was given.

Dealing with a snake keeping a distance very rude and uptight always with the cold shoulder but when a favor is needed the person is constantly asking for favors never to repay them. Pretending to be nice after they get what they want they slither away.
Talking big acting like he does the work the **** is quick to dump it on someone else abusing their so called power. In the wrong trying to justify their crude behavior as right.
Sad how people act when they are worse off instead of being better. Talking down and treating others bad once you speak up they play the victim. Try to turn everyone against you because they didn't get their way. Violating your personal space because they need something.
You'd think because the person is older they'd know better. Dealing with elders that are set in their ways. They expect you to change but not making any effort to improve the situation.

Hard to say NORMAL
Everything is weird and crazy that's usually how it plays out
It's not healthy but thankful to have someone
Not treated right but willing to make it work
Sometimes things don't make sense but work out
Being with the one you love doesn't work out
Someone that loves you doesn't go right
Trying to work it out mentality
Physically drained from missed opportunity
Hard to cope with change so rapid
Never given a chance for things to grow into more
Friendships end growing apart
Or over girls that lusted around close friends causing a divide

Hard to write when the page won't load
Working hard starting to feel burnt out
Wanting to live life feels closer to death
Been a long week with aome long days
Feeling in a daze working for insurance
Saving up while getting paid for long days
On the outside looking in working harder
Trying not to be annoyed certain people to avoid
******* one's self being the worse most harsh critic
Wanting to more but coming up short
Feeling like a failure so much to be thankful for
Focused on the blessings not what's missing
A dream put on hold after being denied

Writing about it is the best feeling
Experience it makes it more rewarding
Things don't happen right away
Turned out better than expected
A late kiss that finally happened
Asking a girl out and she says yes
Not sure how to feel or react
Getting the job years of subbing
Treating it serious now it's happening
Working out seeing results come together
Due to dedication hard work motivation
After years of things being plateo
Finally rise up to the next level
Not getting a crush to end up let down
Trying those feelings that are unsettling
Appreciated ones company being alone
Processing making sense of things
Exploring ideas the creative process

What's the lesson
What am I suppose to do
All these thoughts seeking close
From friend to for they burned you
Now playing the victim putting on a show
Turned your back walked away
Running their mouth so much to say
For not liking a person
They talk about a lot it's sad
Never one of them not pretending
Told how to act no thank you
Talking about others that's two faced
Now acting loyal and true that's cruel
Slandered for having an opinion
Dk how to debate made it personal
Trying to wipe out a person for walking away

Writing without cussing is hard not talking about a girl but flirting with the situation playing with hypothetical scenarios all these possibilities that never happen. Asking how could this be avoided or what could've been done differently. Multiple factors but one true outcome that works itself out.
Trying to find inspiration use what's given making the most of everything. Not holding on to everything but letting go a clear mind to ease a pacing mind thinks too much. The heart on an emotional rollercoaster no sure how to feel or react to Everyone everything that's a change from the everyday routine

Told be the lead but didn't like being responsible for others. It's always argument or fight he learned to do it on his own. Give his all and expect nothing in return. Pushing through even when he was burnt out. Growing up in the struggle learned to go without. Told to speak up don't hold anything in.
This helped him open up and write sometimes clear his heart. Told it was all in his head focused on the work not the drama. Getting older feeling less phased by gossip. Not talking about anyone and minding his business.

Tearing it down rebuilding
Not starting from scratch
Showing love can't get emotionally attached
Going forward not going back
Focused on faith getting back on track
Putting others first forgetting yourself
Started goals close to completing
Dreams that have been on hold for too long
Did the things that couldn't be done
The first in the family no one tried
No one cared or was happy for him
He loved his family its a battle of egos
Made him out to be someone he's not
Didn't like the two faced behavior
Talking about people then fake to their face
Acting like the world evolved them like if they approval is needed
He was responsible for himself
He didn't want anything from anyone
They didn't bother with him unless they needed something
Minding his mouth or business
He didn't like being cussed out
They got called out trying to justify it
He didn't always agree tried to understand

Writing it down clarity of mind
Noble friends hard to find
Easier to let go no need to control
Took in the pain slowly immune
Bad memories remain okay with them
Use to being ignored not saying much
It's become normal staying away
Not going to stay or beg not wanted
Being a whole over being divided
Not giving up to be accepted
Not holding a grudge living
Doing things without hassle
Over all the terms and conditions

Talking music with the youth. Hoping they like it and appreciate it like when you use to be a teenager. Hoping they find their own way. Music that connects to their heart and soul instead of feeling misunderstood.  
Trying to be there for them from a child to an adult forced to grow up. Not taking life too serious but taking the passion serious creating expressing one's self. Letting go of that dark energy release those bottled emotions.
Not holding on anymore determined reach down let it flow so one could grow. The changes shines everyone knows they can't take credit for you or act like they understand you after things get figured out.