Have you ever gone back to a place that was home. Somewhere safe but it's changed so much no longer the same. With age so much change hard to accept. Becoming the seniority by default. The mentors; who trained you, retiring. Those regular faces replaced by new ones.
Something that was normal feels awkward now uncomfortable.
Trained in the circuit while others used family to move up. Know for my hard work while others us nepotism to advance.
There's no going back once you do. Everyone has moved on, no reason to go back. Everything that had meaning treasures by the heart no longer hold value in reality.

Not sure how to feel what to think
These behaviors are unhealthy not right
Talking on their teems can't even say hi
The tension and awkwardness
Not one to kiss *** abide by made up rules
Not in the same department stay in your lane
Said hi use to being ignored
Don't care for the power trip
Keep running your lip make it easier to split

Calling people delusional then expecting them to be a certain
If you know a person is sensitive why are you being a ****
These tormenting thoughts fade over time
Cutting the cord was the best decision
Wasting my time with two faced fake people
I'd confront them but I'm already the bad guy in their story so no point in redeeming myself. I don't need to prove myself when I've been good to people.
They dk my story or my sacrifice. I've hit rock bottom made mistakes I learned from them. Bouncing back after a surgery I don't need anymore roadblocks I'm okay with detours.

He was annoyed he'd let them know to see if they were interested. No one seemed to care or show any interest. Then when he would do it they would try to lay a guilt trip.
He got upset with their antics because if it was a role switch he would've said yes or no. None of this making them feel like he was causing conflicts in their schedule. It wasn't his fault or fair with him they demanded answers after a while he got tired of explaining himself. Now they are trying to make him out to be the troublemaker before he embraced it now he walks away from it all.

All these fears because of others
Worried about their judgement
Always talking bad on others
Expecting others to change
While remaining the same
Over come this pain suffering within
More hurt from annoying people
Writing the narrative adds a tone
Doesn't change the reality
A beat up ego toughening up
Pride swallowed a dry mouth
Choking making it hard to breathe

He laid down staring at the wall praying for answers hoping to provide solutions tired of all the problems. He thinks what's next how can he use his writing to be able to move onto the next level.
He always wanted to do his best give his all when hes not sure. How it would all go down.

Letting trying not to obsess
Can't fix the wrong
Trying to be better
Made mistakes but learned
Tired of feeling weighed down
Moving forward can't wait around
Caring too much for others
While others shut you out
Trying to be myself without guilt
Over the intense hostility
Didn't do anything wrong
Keeping a distance getting bad vibes
Not saying anything to make it worse
The bitter ****** express says it all
Trying to make it to the end of the day

Writing has been an eye opener having those honest moments with yourself. Doing a self check what's wrong and what's on your mind?

Made cuts some people are welcome but shut you out. You shut them out and walk away. Tired of contributing to one sided relationships. Already taking on a load and about to add more stress.

Sitting in AA and a support group trying to be normalish. Mental health can be saved once you drop the burden of the earth. Asking what you want what makes you happy. Make goals and achieve one step at a time.

Hard to be a winner when everything goes wrong. It's okay to enjoy a celebration. The pursuit of life is about maintaining keep doing the work

He started to read more escape his loopy wild thoughts that seemed overwhelming not the solution. Feeling his mindset change, he missed being an athlete. It was part of him but aged out feeling like it caught up with him.
He had a place in his heart they didn't always have a spot saved for him. He loved to practice that was where he went all out and gave his all. Even if he didn't get to be his best he knew he brought the best out in others.

Told the same old stories. ready to move onto new. Start a new book rereading doesn't change the end. Time to change change book new journeys and adventure just like living life. Embrace the new instead of the same daily stale routine. Changing it up with some luster and surprise.

Comparing writing styles
Had a different vibe
A tone more passionate
Always Trying to improve
Sound and be better
Younger didn't know any better
Now older quick to think not act
From heartbroken to heart on reserve
A social butterfly now socially selective
Didn't like change more open new
From wanting to be friends will all
Able to enjoy ones company and music
Loves the creative process becomes real
Feeling and seeing it come to life
Making and recreating a moment

Took the leap jumped without hesitation
Free falling the hard wind against my face
The deep hole consumes the bodys pain
My soul clears out of heart, skips a beat
The adrenaline surfacing becomes immune
Fight to survive, facing death with no fear
The tension strong feed off the vibe
Forces spreading setting a tone
If one things feels wrong, all feels lost
In mid air, no one knows, care to understand
Free falling the trying to resist
Life flashing before your eyes
A fist made tight, easing up can mean it's over
The body reacts, this can be the end
Something within wakes up; revived not over yet

An open heart fueled with passion
Some make it hard being complicated
Trying to match energy not be drained
Giving my all to the best of my ability
Avoiding the rumors believing in us
I saw a future with you
No one is perfect try to be better
Everyone makes mistakes
I've seen beauty in your flaws
I'm not perfect or quick to judge

Had so much hope cloudy days
Smiled through the bad times
Feels like time is running out
Not too late feels near the end
Thought it would happen
Hard to find the one after many
Trying to love without being hurt
Back on track after being derailed
A vision within another outcome
The results once mattered
Never turns out accordingly
Trying to make it on another path
Aiming to win comeback from being last
Learned way more from failing
Easy to be dismissed than be understood ready to leave the hood

He didn't expect anyone to change but they wanted him to be someone else just to be liked to be accepted. It wasn't worth it and he didn't like the idea of denying himself to be part of an indecisive group. He'd rather do his own thing than be dissected like a fixer up project.
He wanted to let go but remembered all the nonsense. They told him full of double standards, all the criticism from two faced individuals. He wasn't angry just puzzled because they thought less of him and thought they had say and control of his life

Taking your path staying in your lane
People waste your time because they settled
Don't give up who you are to make them happy
When a person causes you pain and misery distance yourself
It will come back all those lies and shady actions will comeback for chosing to wrong others.
Not plotting revenge or talking smack the truth with come out
It ***** when people know but act like they have no clue

Its okay to be different what's not okay is for others to impose their view talk about everyone because they didn't get their way. Not being able to get w reaction so they try to turn others against you.
While you remain loyal and the same not giving into those wicked ways. Staying on your standards not lowering yourself to be accepted. Doing what needs to be done not making excuses.
Staying clear of those toxic talkers that never have anything good to say more problems than solutions. They'll blame you because they don't talk to you. Make it seem like you started everything. All because you had an opinion and spoke your mind. It wasn't what they wanted to hear now they made everything personal. All you can do is cut the ties smile be happy on a new journey without those doubters.
Make it about you after years of putting others first while being used and taken for granted. Only you can do it for you. No one else is going to do it for you. Make the most of things and work with what you got.

From being the problem
Now providing the solution
Healing from the bad
Awake feeling better
Life breathed into the soul
A smile that brightens the day
Eyes glow with purpose
Begun a new staying true
Focused on doing good
Away with the negative cruel

He was so use to the same old crap being ignored and kept out. Once he went into the world people found him interesting and talked to him. It was all new and different. Stuck in a routine only working and sleep the world seemed so young and fresh while he was was older feeling dull.
Missing his youth because the new generations filled in those empty slots. While his peers had kids got married or just working a mind numbing job that occupied their time.
Feeling hidden from the world trying to stay in control even though things are out of control for the most of the time. Broken from the past feeling healed like a whole in the present moment. The transition was very complicated always starting over with relationships or friendships learning to not get attached since people are usually just passing through.

Helping its the right thing to do
Giving your all feeling accomplished
Than have more work dumped on your lap
Like a reset you did nothing start over
Being discredited doing the work and extra
A new plan giving up on this leadership
Doing the minimum feeling cheated
Trying to make it through probation
Thought it would be better its worse
Made work fun now it's just nonsense
Wanted to make it better for others
Now its taking it's toll so much frustration
Questioning the role if this placement is a match
Still doing it on another level
All the hype running out of time
Beat the clock to get it done

Trying to open up no one listens
No one cares unless it's about them
Asking about the podcast trying to put out good vibes
Haven't had a good friend for a while lost peeps over relationships and family. Didn't get it before but respect it now.
Avoiding people who drink to maintain sobriety
Got use to being alone someone is always mad or disappointed with anything done.
Excluded trying to fit in someone is always bothered by his actions or behavior.
He was one to say it to their face but they are quick to change the narrative make him out to be the bad guy. Turn everyone on him for having an opinion usually the one standing alone having a one sided argument with himself.
The double standards against him he's in the wrong but their evil doing is justified. He stares at the wall wonder what's going to happen since he questioned the things that tore him down. Now they are playing the victim telling him he overreacted because they mistreat him. Apparently it's okay but he was tired of it trying to make it through probation and transfer. He arrived so many transferred he believed in loyalty; why stay if they don't believe in you.
His first day the boss said there was better candidates only hired because of the lead and his previous summer contributions.

He was stressed over work becoming a lead. His family didn't agree so it felt like they were against him. It all went away when he put on the mitts training with his cousin forgetting all the BS and the nonsense.
It felt right worthy of his time he could be himself while challenging him to be better. Enjoying the cardio seeing and feeling the combo process in his head. Kicks and punches working on form and technique.
He had something to call his own while everything he felt like it was outta control. No say or control making the most of everything. Breaking away from family because they brought out the worse instead of making him better. The job sight was demanding working to keep the standards doing the work and extra pleasing ungrateful people but staying on top of things feeling pressured.

He loved his family bur they are the worse. He didn't bother anyone with his problems. A single guy who kept to himself minded his mouth most of all his business.
His family didn't get along but around relative made it worse. He loved his cousins never told them anything but they are quick to give him a piece of their mind. He didn't remember asking.
He could go out and come home late He was single and didn't have kids. While the ones with kids acted single. Cheating on their baby mama or playing the victim because the baby mama returned the favor.
Having multiple kids and not being responsible for them. That was none of his business but if he buys himself whatever he wants because he worked for it. Trying to guilt trip him. He paid rent while the others didn't but had the nerve to talk bad look down on him.
It's time to move out living with people that are given while he's still working for his.
He made mistakes and learned trying to improve the situation not see it as a punishment. Asking for help was hard but found the people he needed are unreliable. He had to find and make a way. He went against odds Before.
It was no surprise but what's worse is when your family is the road block. In your face making you feel unworthy.
You don't care to fit in or prove yourself because they don't help or do anything to contribute.
They never showed any remorse or sympathy when you were down and out they expected you to get up and move on. Now they are going through stuff you feel bad and want to help. They didn't want you around. When things are bad they are there with you. When things are great for them, they are nowhere to be found.

He felt like he was the worse
Blamed himself stood alone
Knocked for being different
Stood alone held on for life
Trying to be normal-ish
Whatever that is now a days
Afraid to be canceled aged out years ago
Everything he's not what others said
Made him more confident
Gain strength from being excluded
Comfy being alone going strong
While others needed company

He sat in the back observed and listened to everything on it was all new to him. He didn't like being the center of attention because someone would try to knock him for being different.
Keeping a low profile and working behind the scenes felt more common. Writing his thoughts and ideas enjoying the creative process hoping to do something with it.
He liked to working with others being a team not let the guy who did nothing take all the credit for the team effort. Making nothing into something building off ideas

You can have a conversation so you slander everyone's rep. Calling people delusional or crazy because they don't listen to your criticism no one asked for.
When people call you out or have a different opinion you try to excluded and isolate everyone. Never going to be accepted or fall into that shallow group.
Insulting my character says more about you than me.
Telling a person to pay rent when you never did. Piggy backing off others acting like you did the hard work. Too much time on your hands do something with yourself instead of knocking others

He told her, he'd take her to dinner; once he got hired on full time. He was a part timer, who worked like a full timer. They were good friends but his plans would be ruined. She had a bf he respected those boundaries.
The job wasn't hard but they didn't provide a full-time position. He applied else where trying to find what he wants what he was looking for.

People say you make them look bad, while they chose to be lazy. Respect my hard work and I'll respect your laziness.
Some people will honor you some will try to take you down. People notice so keep your head up and keep going strong.
I grew up in a different generation where if you want it you'll hustle for it. It won't come easy but you'll have to work for it.
Grew up poor sharing clothes waking up early to grab the nice stuff.
You learn quick no one is going to do it for you. So you have to do it yourself. I didn't like hand outs but sometimes you get rewarded for your hardworking efforts.
Trying to move use to be happy doing the work but when you do manager work why not get paid that. Taking the blame when you don't need to be. Using that to make things right make them better.

A proposal to help the next generation
Make things easier make things better
How I found things over time
Be better than those who oppose you
Not talking about anyone mindful
Standing my ground staying out of it
Finding the groove making it through
Overcoming struggle fighting back

Not always the good guy
Only one side of the story is being told
Never said anything bad
While others project false beliefs
Spoke up against imposed ideals
Excluded for having an opinion
Allowed to disagree have differences
Not a yes man speaking on one's self
Friends fade grow a part over time
Due to conflict of interest
Family should love you more
Since  they can't compromise
Trying to slander your name
Make relatives think less of you
One voice means nothing alone
Use the masses to gain power
The power trip causes the downfall
Comfortable being disrespectful
Eventually, toxic takes down the mass
The truth remains overpowering lies
While the manipulator is exposed

Some want to go back
Be fixed by what broke them
Live that moment where they felt whole
Even if that was lived short time
Fix things that go worse overtime
Or do nothing because trying didn't help
Mistaking lust for love minds confused
Hearts broken due to obsession
Heated romantic passion fades away
Places that brought joy are gone
Long lived memories from the past
Another  chance if that's possible
An opportunity to do things differently
Not there anymore reminiscing
Out grew that with time so much change

Back to the gym it's a load off
Pushing the body to the limits
Slow and in control of the weights
Muscles tightening muscle member coming back
Feeling stronger mentally
Pushing through the soreness
Body going through the motions
The tension gets more intense
Trying to find the pump
Clear the mind stare into the distance
Rebuilding muscle fibers growing
Resistance maximum effort
Controlled breathing each rep

He woke on ready to take on the world
Not taking anyone's craps
They chose to be that way
And had no right to take their frustration out on others
He left them alone then they tried to come at him
Once he spoke up this vicious strike shook them
Now they are playing the victim
Thinking it could justify running their mouth
Never saying it to your face and talking behind your back
No one cares no one is talking about them

He didnt have pull going against the odds never in his favor unless he's doing favors. Overtime life took its toll on the go. Slowed down hard to find that moment and go. Didn't say or do anything gave them no reason to talk. Hard to open up didn't like being manipulated his feelings and emotions used against him.
He knew to not get involved, do his own thing let them talk. Relapsing feels like the world is collapsing.

Dealing with my elder
Much love and respect for them
Once you move up feeling held back
Rather than be happy hate on all efforts
Trying to move up in survival mode
Now suppose to support the family
first job success abuse fathers ego
Tried to work with family but the expectation was too high
Gave your all it was never enough
Dealing with older people that act like children
Some know better, chose not to do so
Trying to be a child forced to be an adult
Now a adult learning to maintain
Emotional frustration enraged
Physical exhausted engulfed by pain

The crazy thing about being in loving some one who doesn't love you back. Like an idiot you wait. then you see they moved on then decide to so the same but it ruins your current relationship. The person loves you but you don't love them back the guilty conscience eats at your soul.
That person is controlling and draining realizing its better probably easier to be single. Everything feels forced and never natural. Once you give maximum effort to make it work but being ruined all the demands are never good enough.
Once you are single you ask who you are and what do you want. Learn to do things by yourself. Thinking for one is hard enough but thinking for two extremely stressful.

Trying to change older not the same
Losing joy things lost value
Bored with things that use to be fun
Afraid of losing what's left its all gone
Not much left trying to do what's right
Always writing to calm the voices
In this head an overthinking mind
Missing the old growing into the new
From fun to depressing not the same anymore
Wanting to be mentally stimulated
Growing old everyone fades away
No kids while some are having another
Haven't found love with the right one
Some married others now divorced
A broken promise too late to be honored
Friends become foes use to be bros
Over lusting women that never commit
Couples failing trying to make it work
Overcoming obstacles with true love
Some are sober addicted to love
Others drunk with lust wanting more

Putting forth effort so much energy that needs to be matched. After a failed relationship or two learning to say what you want what you're looking for. It's not a one sided venue anymore. Lots of trial and errors in the process.
Learned so much from failed friendships that made one doubt his judgement because he seen greatness within them but got their worse. Why did they think it was okay to try and BS everyone because they aren't getting their way or what they want taking down others because they are not happy.
Get back in the grind years of being told NO being told it didn't matter. Did way more than most staying strong through those tough hurtful moments. You shared your passion pursued it while others sat back waiting for you to fail or step aside riding others tails to step out steal the spotlight.
Bouncing back from all the crazy always trying to be better make this situation better than before. Love family but they aren't supportive or believe in you. You believe in yourself stay motivated stay stronger than the rest. You hurt the most but hide it. The pain can be intense masked becoming immune to everyone and everything. You lead while everyone is giving up quitting ready to walk away. Digging down deep stepping it up be the guy not leave it for the next.

Stop blaming your parents they did everything they could you chose to do drugs. You've been given so many chances everyone is fed up. You got your way while ******* people over. You're a grown many I shouldn't have to be telling you. Yet you are quick to play the victim because your baby mommas' want nothing to do with you. They got tired of the lies and trusting your word that left everyone disappointed. It's your life we could only say so much you are your own person.
The drugs could only keep you wired for so long then you'll crash avoid what little responsibility that's left. Showing up counts especially when the standards have been lowered.
Always pray for those who are battling  addiction or an alcoholic. Getting clean is the hard part sometimes you have to isolate yourself and ask "what do you want?" How do I get there and avoid those that feed into your bad habits. It's a tough journey on a lonely road. You'd like people there but no one listens they'd rather tell you how to live your life than be supportive.

Doing what you love when they don't want you. Expect you to be someone you're not. They try to keep you out but you find other ways to do it make it happen.
Feels like they don't want you to excel acting like you need them or need to go through them to make it. Didn't ask for approval just trying to grow in the craft.
They have this ideals that are not in my favor expecting you to live up to these standards, they aren't even living. I respect they've done it but I'm still doing it and pushing through.

Hard to sleep, deep in thought
coped with things never the same
My mind a place that is home
Inner peace within not interrupted
Writing late feels right, a cold peaceful night
The fan blows the cold breeze
The moonlight sets the tone
Not one to argue, writing has become my voice
Not always the hero in others story
Mind my mouth getting heat from others
Spoke my mind now it's time for the third degree
Worked hard made it fun time to let go
Over stayed the welcome can't do anything
Let go find something new full of promise
Hopefully it is true worthy of staying
Over bouncing around being a drifter
Different places that are not a fit another change
Random faces never the same bad with names
On the open road driving takes away the pain