He didn't want to argue, but he was tired of being disrespected. He wasn't materialistic he valued people even if they didn't value who he is. All he wanted was to be himself without being stripped down told; how to act, and how to be. He did his own thing stopped seeking approval walked alone.
Tired of others using numbers to come up with false narrative. They did worse but he didn't care to judge them or hold it against them.

He was trusting to the wrong person it all came out. She was triggered ready to make the **** shot. He surrendered just wanted peace it was never ending no pretending. He didn't care to prove himself even when provoked. Walking away from all the sadness not letting them knock you rebuilding yourself up. From a crowded path to being a trail blazer scared to drift but journeying onto new leaving the old.

They were threatened by his way of life. How he seen the world. They wanted him to be someone he wasn't. He never wanted or expected anything he went with out. Now they talk act like they treated him like one of them. He's not like or will never be one of them.
It sickened him he was ready to start his own traditions cut ties because they were cutting him deep. He went numb couldn't be himself taking the thrill out of life. He couldn't move on it would give them a reason to talk.
He was educated they judged me making him feel bad for wanting more but working for it. He was open to change while everyone stayed the same. This was his family image how his enemies treated him

Joking about an ex if she came back
Years of misery not finding peace
The life he wanted came up short
Happened for someone else
Feeling cheated going strong
Focused on truth not accepting lies
Trying to be the same keep it together
Everything changed learned to adapt
Able to adjust never feeling enough
Giving everything to get things done
Hard work paying off moving up
Good things happening new roles
Not feeling robbed by sneaky fakes
Wished her the best moved on
Doing what's best living life
Taking in the moment to the fullest
Making them count full of potential

He wanted to control his narrative so many rumors that circled round. They cut him off and pushed him out made it on his own. There was no going back  do or die. The world was dark and cruel he kept chasing the light.
He zoned out from all the bad and toxic. Kept doing what he liked and loved. Stayed true to himself since everyone was going through something. He respected their situation while they tried to ruin his moment because nothing was happening for them.

Start to feel confident while those around setting a bad tone. Those bad vibes killing the good emotions draining everything. Working hard lost meaning watching the person be self destructive. Spoke up again not trying to fail, focused on going up been down for too long. Already messed up, made those mistakes; trying to bounce back finish those loose ends.

He loved his job because they gave him a chance and he returned the favor by busting his ***. He was always up beat and positive around negative bitter employees. He said he would be active and involved doing extra.
He worked with employees that did the bare minimum waiting to collect benefits and retire. He had health conditions and needed to be at work so he could pay for insurance.
He dealt with bad leads that dumped the work on him but he saw it as a way to prepare so when he became a lead. He didn't care for job titles he did the work and took pride in it.
Bad health or not he gave his all because everyone settled or gave up Not motivated only sticking around because the pay was enough to keep them around.  
He never milked his injuries he had to be at work because people would complain and he didn't want his crew to look bad. God forbid he gets his health right and takes time off.
He was the heart of the team he did the extra while others did a half *** job just enough to get by. They believed in him at the beginning then gave up on him since they had to step it up when he missed due to his health issues.
Lots of people play the union card or its not my job rather than stepping it up doing what you can to make it easy for the next guy. He always said "don't leave it for the next guy be the guy." People want a job but don't want to work everything is earned not given. He was a team player even if they helped him or not. The work was easier when he was there but worse when he came back after a medical leave.
Most ditch work he could only miss, if he had a medical procedure or doctors appointment. He wanted to live his life but he had to do that on his own time when he wasn't sore or too tired to do so
He didn't want to leave his wing man they were a power team and had one anothers back. While the morning crew never teamed up unless it had to be done last minute. The day should be the set up and night clean up. Due to lack of team work the night crew helps with the set up.

Trying to do what's right
Guilty conscience an internal fight
Doing missing out an unsettling feeling
The judgement and hatred from others
Mind stirring up conflict intense
Messing up trying to show up
Feeling out place refusing to beg
Uncomfortable ready to be destroyed
Called out gutted for dealing with

He love training who knew the kid he trained didn't want to do it. He felt heart broken and felt he lost it all. Everything taken away hitting rock bottom. Thinking of a plan how to bounce back. Open to learn grow so many detours and setback.
He put others first don't always know what to do with himself. Writing was all he had it numbed him took his pain and anxiety away.
He stepped up when no one else would. Always trying to do and be better while coming up short.

It was over but he wasn't scared to start over
He had so much knowledge gained from the experience
He didn't want to leave anything behind
Moving on was easy started over before
He feared his past would come back to haunt him
People reminding him who he was
The new wasn't given a chance
Trying to move on but can't constantly reminded

Obsessed with work it broke this heart
Showing up do the job and going home
Getting a life outside of this old building
Reaching out to old friends  
Should meet new people to befriend
Most have kids or married
Hated being the third wheel
Doing my own thing always mattered
Being my own person on the go
No one speaks on my behalf
I don't belong to anyone rolling solo
Sometimes it feels right filled with doubt
Once it goes wrong ready to escape
It all fades away miss what was
Not caring about what it has become
A failed mess Obsessed with the best
Stuck settling for the worse getting less

Blood doesn't make family or true
All the humility bleeds out scars up
Pride battles the ego internal conflict
Destroys another the struggle within
The old life gutted with a knife
Changes over time healing growing strong
Going through the crazy to stay sane
All the hurt and pain fades away
Working hard to finish strong
Took the test open opportunity
Presented itself chasing the dream
After waking from the nightmare

I try doing the bro code you step back because your friend likes this girl. What ***** is she likes you but you fight temptation. Respect your friend even when they make you out to be the bad guy.
If you get the girl you lose a friend sometimes the girl loses interest and your stuck with no one. Trying to do what's right and honorable even if you end up alone. You don't want anyone talking about you or thinking less of you. By staying out of it and not getting involved with the drama that has nothing to do with you.
The worst is a friend that thinks because it's yours they can take it or entitled to what's not there's. Those kind of people get let go because the drama isn't worth it anymore.
She you love her you'll fight if she's noble and honorable she's worth it. If you don't trust her or can't be yourself.
After a while you get tired of changing for someone that's always the same. You enable their toxic that grows and destroys you breaking your heart and kindness.

Observing everyday I don't agree but once I see bad and shady I want no part of that. One lie is too many because you don't know what to believe anymore. That's disrespectful and credibility is lost holding that person accountable the betrayal ***** when it's from a lead. The job title doesn't mean anything when you are not for the people who work.

Being told not to complain not taking crap from anyone. Dealing with people who tried to shadow him. He didn't like how they tried to turn everyone on him because they couldn't get their way.
All the betrayal all the disrespect when he stood his ground the hatred great. He went along to keep the peace but part of him would die being among their ways. He didn't care to feel their egos or let take his kindness for granted.
He waa never called just to keep contact only when they needed something or they didn't bother with him. He loved family but tired of seen everyone being used and talked about. They think they are right because they own property how they treat people says more.
He stood alone lost in translation ready to argue and fight but remember he had nothing to gain and they had nothing to offer so he walked away. He regrets making time for them thinking theyd approve maybe accept him.

He had a dream about a conversation
Dreading the moment thoughts looping
A once sided argument able to ask
The person got an awkward silence
Facing the conflict head on
Always held to a different standard
While the person skirts around the question
Quick to put you on trial judge your being
Calling them on their actions
Makes the person raise their voice
Talks louder fast not letting you express
Your concerns how you see things
Quick to try and change everyone
Not making any effort to change
Over double standards
Over one sided conversations

Reading for ideas and had an inspiring conversation. He had written so many books. Writing with pen and filling his notebooks with ideas and sharing all the things he wish he could've or should've said. his goal was to publish something seeing his name on the cover some of his artwork. He enjoyed the creative process something he could be proud of all his effort time spent working alone.

He seen the struggle between others and realized he's not there. He heard the conversation that he wanted hear but things didn't turn out accordingly. In the end it didn't matter anymore. Trying to grow too many detours and check points. He didn't mind working with people but didn't like waiting or relying on others there's a process so many assume but dk. While others dk but still trying to learn.
Open to learn some older generations don't teach they assume or expect you to know their way. Too much coddling while the other is neglected. You are the favorite the team hates you or you do all the work and not well accepted been on both sides of the argument.
Being fair not trying to step on toes but don't like these toes being stepped on.

Applied for that job day time hours
Reached out to the person connected
Seen the girl he was crushing on
Tired of putting his life on hold
Around family so alone feeling dull
Lonely in a crowded room invisible
Couldn't be more being chopped down
Couldn't be less taking criticism
An opinion that would be ignored
His different perspective denied
All they did was complain a power struggle
Expecting change but not wanting to change

Dealing with my elders I
I respect their way of life
But don't **** on my way
I appreciate you looking out
I'm trying to be my own man
My own person I learned who not to be
Wish I had more positive influences
Doing something no one tried
While everyone sticks to the routine
Breaking old habits being better
Trying to not be consumed
By failed family traditions
Haters talk bad always up to no good
Trying to maintain not back in the hood
Over coming physical pain
Heal from the emotional trauma
Expressing concerns seen as issues
Trying to get answers from the wrong ppl
Trying to grow mentally develop personality
Same Haters try to cut down the process
Too much or not enough grew up to be tough

They come at you it's whatever
You spoke up against them your crazy
Avoiding the drama all the insanity
Faded out as they pretend to care
When your involved it's a problem
When they make calls keeping you out
Staying humble while everyone is still mad
Holding a grudge a one sided arguments
A conversation that was never had just blaming and pointing fingers
Size doesn't make you smart or better
Intimidating others doesn't get you anywhere
Having money doesn't make you a better person you can't by morals or respect
Don't BS people some see through the act too bad you lie and cheat selling yourself short
Knocking others doesn't make you a better person
Always excluded and ignored he learned to stay out of it not needing anything from anyone since no one was genuine

He did it before dk why are doubting
Doing it more than most not afraid
Worked for his knew what it took
Sad how family is most judgemental
He didn't worry what they did
They're adults that's their business
Anything he did caused them conflict
Mostly minding himself staying away
They criticized ran their mouth
He wasn't taking it or listening
He'd talk no one showed interest
Everyone wanted him to stop to hear
What they had to say for their
Like it would help him
Opposed for taking a stance
Hated for questioning their ways
Not a followed or giving into demands

Free from the anxiety holding pads
Taking combos trying to remember
Blocking low kicks to the quads
Pads blocking his face from high kicks
Learning to fight from a distance
Fighting inside smothers punches
The momentum could smack hard
Loud pops against the leather
Forgetting everything that's troubling
Wanting to heal be normalish
Focused on footwork coordination
Shifting body weight with pivots
Knee strikes to the midsection
Teeps to throw off opponents balance
Controlling the head working the clench

Trying to fill those pages pages not sure how to feel or what to write. New year new day to wake up write do it better at night with music playing. Should be sleeping up late with these raw emotions learning to deal with these feelings that don't always make sense.

The alcohol didn't bring joy
Lots of shared misery want fun
The back pain pushing through work
Staring at a blank page
Finding those emotions
Feelings that will become words
Not sure what to write pen in hand
Thinking what needs to be said
And how to say it with meaning
In a room with family being ignored
Being talked about being mindful
Never said anything about anyone
Wondering could this work
Crossing boundaries to new areas
Dating was different so much change

Years of experience and knowledge leading to this moment. Every insult creating strength. Every mistake pointed out worked harder towards perfection. Trying to do it right the first time with maximum effort. They told him he didn't belong it made him better not settling for less.
His experience over the years he was ready but never given a chance. When he took it everyone that doubted him rooted for him. His dream was to compete on those mats jujitsu on the back of his mind get his blue belt train harder no surrender working to cross things off his Todo list.

Do what you love others might not get it. Somethings are harder than other stuff
It might bring out the best in you
The intensity could cause love hate relationship
It might tire you out but it makes you better
It's tough most are there for the success
Most are no where to be found when you fail
All the effort to win when it's short lived
While a loss has so much to learn from
Bouncing back coming up with a new plan
Focus on techniques work into the plan
Build on what you know and grow

Fighting for change everything remains the same. So much struggle hard to gain. Always coming up short, don't care for the politics. Been focused on the work lost inside the project. Writing to stay sane so much injustice double standards seen and treated differently.

He turned away not wanting to argue
Tired of fighting nothing changed
Put his down and focused on his work
Didn't want others to see him bad think less of him
He thought highly of those who knocked him
Going where he felt valued for himself
Instead of useless and unwelcomed
His opinion mattered actually heard
Not a place holder but belonging at the table

He wrote to stay sharp
His face showed no emotions
Thinking of his next move
Writing to focus distracted by others
They came at him but he didn't react
He didn't respond to the negativity
Staying positive focused on growth
Stood talk tired of being brought down
Let them do their thing much respect
While focused on his not phased
They made it he was happy for them
He made it got ignored but use to it

The more he told the truth the better he felt all the lies and BS tired of all the manipulation. They can't beat you alone but with numbers still didn't have the upper hand. Their small world threatened by change made them retaliate.
He knew once he spoke up he was out of this cult circle that had no benefits. Never in his favor didn't have or want the life style they lived. He was loyal to family but it wasn't loyal to him.
It's like you can't have success outside of it. All he wanted was to be happy no one was happy for him. He pursued a degree and came up short. While the rest had kids and got praised

When it was over
Couldn't think of anyone else
Moving on felt wrong
But it was the right thing to do
Lots of self destruction
Trying to end the pain
Making it worse not any better
All new encounter being heart broken
A bad experience from her love
The red flags ignored burning fire
Her bad vibes and attitude desired

You dk my story or what it took for me to get where I'm at. The sacrifices made for a job. Subbing for 7 years lots of time conflicts giving up jujitsu.
Saving up for school to finish something that was started. Being called a college drop out ridiculed by family. Trying to have saved money for a car that might mess up or go on the frits.
Held back on dating saying once I'm a full time permanent I'd ask this girl out but this cockblocking job. The girl I wanted to ask out is now married. We talked about things I was able to open up and share never made my move. I had an opportunity but never took the risk.
Now working to keep up with health insurance because finding out you have cirrhosis is no joke. You have to diet and change your lifestyle the fear of dieing. Trying to be strong through this wait the transition. Life on hold waiting for the procedure hoping to be normal enjoy a meal without fear.
Not use to special treatment or expecting to be babied. Grew up with tough love No one did anything for you. If you want it you get out there get it your **** self. Not use to waiting on, or relying on others patients is tough.
Some days I want to cry and scream
Other days I feel numb and empty inside
Learning life's not fair not always about you
Being criticized by family and friend making you want to shut them up prove them wrong

Loved them to be rejected
Closed off hiding in the shell
Being funny made out to be mean
Honest with words many are laughing
Walked away no reason to stay
Let them win and they are still mad
Couldn't make them happy
Caring for others with this heart
Hoping love would be returned
Not responsible for their actions
Energy and emotions are not matched
Taking so much draining the soul
Gave feelings ripped off and cheated
Emotions shutting down going numb
Never goes right or according to plan
Deceived by beauty the soul is tainted
Getting closer wanting to be loved
Pushed away being tested set up to fail

He got in his car hit the road music loud, the wind blowing away all his troubles and worries. Wanting to leave and starting over in a new world a whole new life. Leave the old life for the new place to call home He never felt like he belonged or fit in anywhere.
He was not going to **** up, or compromise himself to fit in. He made that mistake in his last relationship. He was over his past weighing him down. Tired of carrying those burdens trying to make wrongs right when it was all pointless there was no point because it was all one sided.
No longer bothered by his rivals because they didn't talk to him what more damage could they do. Ignore him it was already the normal; why expect, or want anything different. Already the bad guy living up to the standards making it easier. They didn't care about him why should he care what they think. They didn't care, how he felt why should he care what those Haters think.

Too many hold a grudge or end up mad at one another
Intense awkward silence instead of making things right
One will apologies while the other holds a grudge
Using this as a power struggle to feel superior
Too old to be mad with family
It's easier to forgive than divide up the family
Extra tired why carry that burden the guilt destroys all
I wish people would talk things out
Take time to listen understand instead of being selfish
Everyone likes to criticize others
But can't handle it when placed in the hot seat

He was not weighed down by labels. Even though they challenged his character. He wanted to grow but remembered for all the wrong reasons. Focused on the future while the past kept trying to shadow his good deeds.
No longer that person not living in the past but in the moment. Wasn't that person seeking long term over short term glory. Multiple losses anxious to win for that victorious moment.
Trying to compose himself while others tried to remind him of who he was but no longer that person.
Close the first time around ready to finish it the second time around. Already had the experience just needed to build on it apply it to his journey.

Writing for hope staying real
Voted off the island moved on
Use to fight for them stood tall
All they do is oppose him
Knock his story for being different
Shadowing others with theirs
No one knows how to act or care
Disowned and have grown
Happy for lucky people and drama could be sucky

That internal struggle doing what's right; while the rest lie and cheat the system. Doing right by their side giving them the best while they cheat manipulate the truth full of lies. Talked about a life together now with someone else doing things you claimed to never do. Never felt worthy but moved into to finding the better version of one's self. For better or worse, flaw and all. Always open to grow and improve.