The inner term oil burned out
Not writing from anger and frustration
Focused on health instead of taking on the bitterness of the world
People that don't value you, or your opinion
Avoiding toxic environments
Not going back to uncomfortable place
Forgetting those that violated trust
Broken down boundaries
Trust and respect no longer exist
Moving away from things that hurt
Not reliving old pain in fading memories
Cut the lust focused on something real
Love within grows strong as hate goes away

Changed over the years
Some stuck in the past
College life was a daze
Adult life always working
Working hard for insurance
Facing new obstacles that out
Leading to new opportunities
Eating certain foods cirrhosis *****
Life has changed liver disease
Praying for the better
A healthy love life for once
Not being around toxic people
Learning bass growing the skill
Can't remain the same

He didn't care what others thought
Not use to complements was a change
Usually back handed complements
Didn't act or dress extra at work
Just did his tasks and went home
Never the first pick but did stand out
Staying motivated the crew was down
Some days filled with good vibes
Others lagging getting through
Not afraid to try lead by example
No hard feelings or personal thoughts
Just staying goal oriented to finish
Changing up the routine other ways
Bringing up the standards next level
Staying strong the end of originals
Moving on with the next generation
Standards left high to meet the goal
Taking over honoring those before
Using the passed on knowledge

Woke up to cold weather this made his day better
Over the scolding heat hoping it would rain
The clouds fluffy and full gave him hope
Wet days are better filled with joy
The rain would wash the bad vibes
Feeling cleansed after the season passed
The smell of wet dirt this would be alright
Growing grass full of life after being dried out
With all this year around summer
Another season needed a turn over the burning heat
Moist and refreshing giving inner peace
Stay calm and enjoy the weather change
Like a good book just turn the page

His hear beat like the drums in a punk
Spoke the truth like deep rock lyrics
The music spoke to his heart
Feeling connected and alive love within
Instead of excluded in a crowded room
Rejected because he didn't follow or care to be like everyone else
A rebel heart that beats strong
Rolling solo not into the fake crowds
Walking alone in the silence
Music makes the world better

He got this off his chest its hard to speak up because he didn't want to get canceled but realized this was another way to say censored. He was tired of compromising himself for people that opposed him. He did his own thing never included or used people but did speak up against everything. He was mad that life was a check list be this way, or do that. People found more reasons to hate you than like you. This toxic society tries to tell you how to act and behave, if you don't listen you're complicated. His whole life he didn't feel accepted, or welcomed always proving himself.
They are threatened by you they spread lies and rumors to think they have you in check. He didn't empower them not giving them say in his life. He never talked about anyone that didn't think highly of him. He didn't bother waste his time with one sided mindset because they are set in their ways ready to attack not willing to listen.

They expected too much it was never enough
Just wanted to be himself never approved
But made him out to be someone else
He loved to joke things got personal
Had an opinion got ignored reserved himself
Easier to be silent than cause a ruckus
Stayed out told not doing enough
Provoked not giving trying to be at his best
Learned to mind his mouth and business
Being hyped up was all new
He use to everyone bad mouthed
All he wanted was to be hired full time
Always giving his all with out doubt
Focused on the work trying to make it better
Easier for himself if others benefit a bonus
Not a fan of brown nosing maximum effort
He wanted it working for it behind the scenes
No one took a risk gave him a chance

Been wide awake not able to sleep
Deep down an unsettle feeling
Trying to balance things out
Feels like everything might crumble
Fall apart before these tired eyes
A sore body from pushing through
Trying to beat the clock going strong
Dealing with a lazy leads ego
It's just talking blocking it out
Some will never change their mind
Not expecting much moving forward
Set in their stubborn ways one way
With distance resentment fades away
Time to heals over being stuck waiting
From the old embrace new moving on

Taking life to serious lighten up. Lots of ups and downs. Saving up wanting to get out enjoy life. Break the cycle of the everyday routine. Seeing others for their true colors cutting ties and keeping a distance. Would never do that to them and why do they think it's okay.

You want to leave but no where to go
All your friends have grown
Some married no time for the single life
Others have kids with more responsibility
Reaching out to old faces that are now older
Unted at youth divided with time
Remember those days and wild moments
Before life took off everyone focused on their situation
Some have more others barely getting by
The struggle some love more than one
While others are learning to love and alone
Use to go out now not bothering anymore
Life changed sober but not over just begun

How did she cheat and accuse her partner. She moved on he was happy for her. Once he decided to the same she was angry and mad at him for his actions. Their relationship was over why did old feelings return. He knew he couldn't go back she tried to make it right both of them wrong for one another.

She entered the room the world stood still
Her smile made me lose my train of thought
Mocha skin tone that had a glow
Curl hair like curly fries long curls
that looked wet and shiny in the light
Her curves and thick caught my eye
Once we made eye contact a charged vibe
The heart skipped a beat felt alive
Anxious to know more but can't talk
As she walked closer everything went grey
She stood out the world blocked by tunnel vision
She said hi to make conversation
Lost in those eyes her kindness a surprise
Two world's became one for the moment

Use to have tons of friends now sitting alone. Dated many women still single. Hardest work in the room still not full time. Had an opinion got seen as the enemy. Shared feelings seen as weak. Showing emotions to have them be ignored. These are the worse feelings dealing with being alone makes sense but feeling denied seen as a reject. Those labelers are wrong dk the truth with their made up stories to feel superior.

Been doing good, tired of feeling like I don't match up.
Been giving my all, sometimes I burn out no time for myself
Keep coming back for more
Struggling to survive
Struggling to get by without my thoughts consuming me
Trying to not let my emotions get the best of me
The problem is I care too much and will give my all and much more
Find away nothing can keep me down or turn me away
Might cut some slack but not turning my back
Hanging in my room trying to figure it out
Writing is the only way to get it out
Held back but not one to knock others
Pick them out help them be better

Listening to hits the music lost in the vibe
Feeling the bass empowered by the lyrics
Taking you away from the complicated reality
Makes more sense than others drama
Causing a smile remember a better time
Certain people come to mind another time
Watching people change the music is forever vibing alive surviving

He was getting older and it stressed him out he had white hairs. Some people looked through him and never took him serious he knew things but had to dumb himself down and hide who he was to get by. Writing was his way to vent get it off his chest. He gave up what he loved to work to be responsible. He wondered if he still had it. Challenging himself to better but road blocks detours distraction hard to stay focused.

Letting trying not to obsess
Can't fix the wrong
Trying to be better
Made mistakes but learned
Tired of feeling weighed down
Moving forward can't wait around
Caring too much for others
While others shut you out
Trying to be myself without guilt
Over the intense hostility
Didn't do anything wrong
Keeping a distance getting bad vibes
Not saying anything to make it worse
The bitter ****** express says it all
Trying to make it to the end of the day

Glad to have one or two reliable friends so much betrayal disappointment trusting the wrong people. His best friend got with his crush that's where it all began. Another close friend tried to make the moves on his GF another reason he got sober. He showed them love and all they did was bad mouth him. He became forbidden fruit and it lead to more problems. He didn't talk about anyone that tried to destroy his image.
He didn't hype those haters or trigger them not walking into their trap.
Turned away let them have everything but it wouldn't be the same anymore. He let them have all the tainted things because he moved onto something better.
Letting go was easier than holding on. He didn't **** up or brown nose. Showed love and respect to those who treated him right. Those that kept him out he went where he could be himself not bother with anyone anymore. If he couldn't be himself; he didn't belong there. If they made him fight for his spot it wasn't worth it even after proving himself worthy.
He didn't believe in ******* up or brown nosing he busted his *** worked harder and gave his all in his work. He stopped taking it personal and getting personal focused on his work.

Put on gloves did some rounds
Put on mitts did some more
Trying to remember it all came back
After a while the passion within woke up
Technique and form bounced back
The combo count hands placement on mitts
Don't care for macho ego or favoritism
Got tired of the back seat on the back burner

Why was it an issue when he was going through something. Everyone had troubles and included everyone. It was no one's business but their own. He was a private person he didn't burden or bother anyone.
He enjoyed his peace cutting people off. Tired of jealous people comparing and judging others. Work for yours and do your own thing he strongly believed. He's been doing the work for years but not sure what to do with it. Writing on a few platforms speaking on his podcast. His outlets ways to express himself without his words being twisted giving others an excuse to talk because they had too much time on their hand

They were threatened by his way of life. How he seen the world. They wanted him to be someone he wasn't. He never wanted or expected anything he went with out. Now they talk act like they treated him like one of them. He's not like or will never be one of them.
It sickened him he was ready to start his own traditions cut ties because they were cutting him deep. He went numb couldn't be himself taking the thrill out of life. He couldn't move on it would give them a reason to talk.
He was educated they judged me making him feel bad for wanting more but working for it. He was open to change while everyone stayed the same. This was his family image how his enemies treated him

The dating pool has been like jumping into a shallow puddle of mud. Taught to be a provider times have changed. Relationships don't hold value all the perks but no commitment. Being used then set free wanting more but stuck with less. An open relationship would not work one wants to be the one not one of many.
Asking what do you bring one relies on looks not contributing. Not equal one constantly gives and its never enough while the other continues to take and can't get enough never happy or satisfied. Ruining things once control is lost when they cheat blaming others for their actions.
Judging isolating people who don't agree or give into their commands. Taking advantage of the weak once someone strong comes along they are mistaken a threaten fool trying to take others down for defense.

He started to read more escape his loopy wild thoughts that seemed overwhelming not the solution. Feeling his mindset change, he missed being an athlete. It was part of him but aged out feeling like it caught up with him.
He had a place in his heart they didn't always have a spot saved for him. He loved to practice that was where he went all out and gave his all. Even if he didn't get to be his best he knew he brought the best out in others.

When you change your diet it's rewarding
Going back to bad habits is self hatred and torture
You've grown and moved on self improvement
Saying good bye gets easier when you choose peace
Slowing down so much on the mind
It's all hype it breaks down once analyzed
Can't go back to back bad habits
Keep up the progress no longer toxic
They made up their mind so don't bother
You write your story control your narrative
Eventually things work out get better
Put your trust in God do not losing faith

He laid down staring at the wall praying for answers hoping to provide solutions tired of all the problems. He thinks what's next how can he use his writing to be able to move onto the next level.
He always wanted to do his best give his all when hes not sure. How it would all go down.

Calling people delusional then expecting them to be a certain
If you know a person is sensitive why are you being a ****
These tormenting thoughts fade over time
Cutting the cord was the best decision
Wasting my time with two faced fake people
I'd confront them but I'm already the bad guy in their story so no point in redeeming myself. I don't need to prove myself when I've been good to people.
They dk my story or my sacrifice. I've hit rock bottom made mistakes I learned from them. Bouncing back after a surgery I don't need anymore roadblocks I'm okay with detours.

Writing it down free from the past
Smiled and thanked God
Healing scars on this ***
Forgiving those who've done wrong
Spiritual growth is going strong
No time for love games
Looking for the real thing
Let go of bad memories that remain
Don't care for old pain. It's in the past

Writing has been an eye opener having those honest moments with yourself. Doing a self check what's wrong and what's on your mind?

Made cuts some people are welcome but shut you out. You shut them out and walk away. Tired of contributing to one sided relationships. Already taking on a load and about to add more stress.

Sitting in AA and a support group trying to be normalish. Mental health can be saved once you drop the burden of the earth. Asking what you want what makes you happy. Make goals and achieve one step at a time.

Hard to be a winner when everything goes wrong. It's okay to enjoy a celebration. The pursuit of life is about maintaining keep doing the work

All these fears because of others
Worried about their judgement
Always talking bad on others
Expecting others to change
While remaining the same
Over come this pain suffering within
More hurt from annoying people
Writing the narrative adds a tone
Doesn't change the reality
A beat up ego toughening up
Pride swallowed a dry mouth
Choking making it hard to breathe

The call of the wild
A wild child become a man
Putting others first
Instead of dealing
With problems within
Easier on the outside looking
Once inside wanting out
Writing is an outlet
Old emotions surface by horrible people
You did them a favor
Who act like they are righteous
By your side only for their own gain
Praying for change to be saved
Doing good and bad takes away from you
Praying bad vibes leave your presence

He wanted the answers but ended up with more questions. No solutions just more up in the air problems that would eventually end up in his lap taking on what he could handle. Praying and laying in bed with music playing singing helped his find closure and peace. He thought he could make a different looking in the mirror seeing an older man who was tired. Seeking meaning and purpose seeing his opportunity go to another person. He was denying the truth but happy for the person.

Have you ever gone back to a place that was home. Somewhere safe but it's changed so much no longer the same. With age so much change hard to accept. Becoming the seniority by default. The mentors; who trained you, retiring. Those regular faces replaced by new ones.
Something that was normal feels awkward now uncomfortable.
Trained in the circuit while others used family to move up. Know for my hard work while others us nepotism to advance.
There's no going back once you do. Everyone has moved on, no reason to go back. Everything that had meaning treasures by the heart no longer hold value in reality.

Being the lead trust your skills
Able to do the job best of your abilities
Be an example be part of the team
Not make an example of others
Share and pass your knowledge
Teach everyone there's no excuse
Why it's not getting done
Being more consistent
Finishing strong efficiency

Not wishing bad on others or inflicting this frustration. Let it go in writing its toxic been holding on for too long. Use to be confident years of attacks and criticism feeling insecure. Not one to doubt others but do struggle trying to be more.
Being smart hiding it is the worse feeling. Lowering yourself to be like and accepted is the worse. Pretending to be dumb, and down playing the ego lots of doubt and regret.

Haven't been journaling taking so much in. Writing is how to let it out reflect something's are beyond your control. Being a team player caring the load is exhausting. Doing your part isn't enough. All the extra is what becomes a factor. Sometimes they'll love you other times they'll push you out discredit your hard work and efforts making them feel worthless.
Learning to be a leader and communicating is hard.
Usually one to plow through do it alone. Trying to connect is hard especially after years of being detached from everyone. Giving everything not expecting anything in return.
Working till the job is done not leaving it for the next person. Thankful ppl are grateful instead of feeling starting over from zero doing it all over again. In bed not able to sleep not comparing or worried about others. Life feels alright but why does it feel like something is missing. Trying have a social life or relationship. It's complicated with trust issues formal friends that slandered ones name a character. Dating the wrong female who'd cheat then blame everyone to justify her actions of wrong doing.

Focused on the end beat clock
Lost in the process to get there
Knowing what needs to be done
Get it done in a timely manner
Trying to live up to the hype
Maintain the high standards
The young inherits the elders work
The next generation taking over
Glad to see them retire enjoy life
Applying the passed down knowledge
From the bottom to a lead role
Mentally prepared for the task
Feeding the spirit feeling empowered
Emotionally determined to make it

He was annoyed he'd let them know to see if they were interested. No one seemed to care or show any interest. Then when he would do it they would try to lay a guilt trip.
He got upset with their antics because if it was a role switch he would've said yes or no. None of this making them feel like he was causing conflicts in their schedule. It wasn't his fault or fair with him they demanded answers after a while he got tired of explaining himself. Now they are trying to make him out to be the troublemaker before he embraced it now he walks away from it all.

after I woke up from the transplant
I was in ICU the beginning of recovery
The catheter tube would come out
Each day would consist of a task
a cut across my gut I'd pray everyday
My abdominal muscle lacking core strength
A huge cut stapled shut metal stitches
Extremely anxious to get out of bed
Having to page the nurse for assistance
Getting out of bed was difficult
I felt like a turtle on its back
I learned techniques during physical therapy
I had to urinate one of the first tasks
A process that took a few hours
After being assigned was a flow
I'd get up and walk after every meal
trying to keep strong physically
mentally missing work and home
Mostly grandma, her words echoed
"mijo, no one is going to do it for you, you need to do it yourself."
Next, I'd be asked to pass gas ripping a few.
A bowel movement, which was my final task so I could be released to be out patient staying a local to AZ

Her touch was heart warming
A smile that melts the soul
The sparkle in her eyes when she stares
Opened up never did that before
Feeling vulnerable lots of trust
Things going right very unsettling
Being wrong hurts most poor judgment
Learning to cope understand the new
Hard to go back to the old ways
Lay in bed hard to sleep alone again
Missing the company not the bad attitude
Full of emotions drained left empty inside
Desired those addictive yearnings
That kiss became loveless no connection
Emotionless gaze became a cold glance
Taunted by failed love from the past
Mocked by memories with cravings
Not able to get that drug sick fix