He was getting older and it stressed him out he had white hairs. Some people looked through him and never took him serious he knew things but had to dumb himself down and hide who he was to get by. Writing was his way to vent get it off his chest. He gave up what he loved to work to be responsible. He wondered if he still had it. Challenging himself to better but road blocks detours distraction hard to stay focused.

Rather than listen you cause chaos
Vilified for being different
Asking questions to understand
Some logic to make sense
I respect your protest not interested
Cancel others because your way is flawed
It's okay to be wrong just own up
Better than living a lie mistakes happen
Do the work inform others
Create propositions don't complain
Say what you need or want
Make a stand with a purpose
Submit a proposal being heard isn't enough

He use to walk into enemy territory with a smile. They came at him but he settled the score behind the scenes. He use to take pride in serving those who did him a ***** a receipt. The betrayal become personal He looked out for them and had their back.
He found out they'd bad mouth him slander his character. This bad boy rep did him a favor rather than changes others perspect of how they seen  him. Everything against him was frustrating he knew not to go against family but they had it out for him. He never dated an ex of a friend or relatives.
All these made up ideals kept him out or tried to change him just to be accepted. It wasn't worth it so many people had more than him and still ungrateful. He was less fortunate but still thankful Pursuing his dreams and crafts to enhance his talents.

He wasn't taken serious seen as a joke. They think he's a push over once they crossed the line they'd be surprised when he checked them put them back in their place. He was over all the insults backhanded complements.

Working hard years of going unnoticed. Others taking his credit using him as a work horse. Being ignored set aside by gossipers who do thing but talking like they do everything. Not caring to argue or debate anymore.
Things are changing they are giving him his props. It was unexpected but a rewarding feeling. Glad change was occurring in everyone's favor. Instead of feeding into useless egos. The team was united on the same page instead of divided.

He was a freshmen in college, the world was new to him. He grew up low income and made it to the next level. He asked a girl out; this was his first date. He was excited. She said, "yes" most of the time he got the cold shoulder or left hanging by these girls that caught his attention. They lived in the dorms the local plaza, where they would go eat a meal together.

They'd stroll through the college community town. Taking in the scenery talking to one another. He'd hold here hand he wasn't use to public display of affection. She was beautiful she had a mocha skin tone being half white and black sometimes passing off as latina.

They'd walk into the restaurant and sit at the bar. Since he didn't make a reservation. She would order a salad and he got a burger. They'd celebrate her birthday. They'd talk more and he realize her tried most of the drinks the bar was selling. She brought that to hid attention.

It was a nice evening, they go back to her door and hang out in her room. Chat with her friend, and they'd be alone. they'd lay down and talk more. She fall a sleep because she snores. He'd kiss her forehead get up go home. His date was memorable to him one of his favorite stories to tell

Tired of all the hazing the only one who toughed it out went through it all. Made more effort to be kept out feeling like, he didn't matter, or belong. Asking himself, "why did he stay," they obviously didn't like him, and he didn't always agree with how things were handled. Another made up standard to live up to when they didn't have it together.
He had another life before they crossed paths they can't take credit for him and all his efforts. They can't tell him, how to feel, or think.
They dk what's going on in his head. He may not argue, say much but refused to let them take advantage of his kindness. Once he spoke up that's when everyone kept him out. Before they'd taunt him, let him think, he could be one of them. He was okay and moved on. No reason to stay felt it wasn't worth it anymore.

Why is it when you're going through something you have issues. Have an opinion with truth its considered talking smack. Showing emotions called emo or overreacting. Share feelings called sensitive for coping dealing with things instead of bottling them up. You start to open up everyone ends up mad or defensive. Rather than own up for their actions. Acting like you're the bad one when they've done worse

When family bickers and complains
Don't want to bump heads deal with egos
Always the guy but never in the position to be that guy
Thankful to be working
Only when they need something the go to guy
Most of the time he gets ignored feeling like an outcast
Not the flashy guy but the guy who worked for it

Not always going to please everyone
Learning to mind your business
Mind your mouth out of the drama
Focused on weaknesses for growth
Turning them into strengths
Failed bouncing back from it
Made mistakes trying to be better
Making moves pursuing the dream
After years of being ignored
A vision in the mind for you
It makes sense others call you crazy
Delusional because you tell them
How they make you feel
What they've done not owning up
Refusing to believe flipping the script

He wasn't one to judge anyone, he was trying to better his situation. Fix himself since He seen and been through stuff. He didn't use or take advantage of anyone to get there. He was always working for his learning to say what he wanted. He got tired of going with the flow because it never ended well. In the end felt robbed and cheated by everything. Provoked by people he valued that made him feel worthless.
Came up short on those effort. Tried and did more since no one else cared or put forth any effort.
Once he spoke up or called them on their action they would try to blame or give an attitude because they got caught. He might've looked busy but did observe the situation.

A broken soul trying to heal
Struggle within dealing with change
Sometimes its not for the better
Stuck with the worse
Trying to be better
Wanting the best got less
Stuck with others problems
Working with what's given
Back and forth with emotions
Writing to cope with feelings
Gave that up not going back
Never again now facing it
Prefer to not be around it

He always wanted to change the outcome. No say or control just saying be better next time the moment passed. The bounce back took a while hard to shake these hard feelings rough emotions questioning what is wrong and where did it all go wrong. If he was able to pin point that moment be able to let go let loose. His mind was his safe space but sometimes an escape room with looping thoughts with no hints on how to exit within a timely manner.
So many questions but not enough answers that matched what was being said.

Working to pay the bills over the same old routine dealing with others demands after a while he asked what would they do without him. Half the time they dump on him and treat him bad when they don't get their way. Use to being ******* over they talk about him but he's not saying anything because once they are triggered they think they have the right to take him down so they feel secure about themselves.
He just wanted to ask out the girl he had a crush on. Go on a date have fun all he did was work with bossy demanding people. He gave and didn't expect anything in return. He loved to write it made sense he could feel and be himself without judgement or hide himself because they don't care about him just expecting results. He wrote feeling free observed and analyzed his life. He made mistakes and gave up his social life to be sober because most of his friends drank it wouldn't help him get clean.
Stayed single because his relationships got complicated he wanted to balance it out have both but it wouldn't work out in his favor. His needy jealous insecure girlfriend would make him feel bad because he didn't listen or do things her way. Not able to enjoy life with friends because once his friends got in a relationship they chose that over his friendship.

Determined to make it through the day. Enjoy the next three days off composing ones self and coped with all the anger frustration let it all go. Not worthy of holding onto letting go of those that disrupt his inner peace.
Watching them crumble before his eyes. Staying composed not quick to surrender to evil now a peacemaker instead of the chaos of others.

Over being lied to over and over again
Believed in changed nothing did
One sided relationship just lies
Quick to blame causing pain
The growing problem can't be fixed
Fake cries to escape left unresolved
Instead of providing solutions
Not playing shame game anymore
Make things worse this love is cursed
Never owning up making more drama

You do way more than the people judging your effort. I never used anyone worked hard. A drop out college anxious to go back but the way things are work is important for survival.
Busted my **** to get this current a part time guy working  fulltime then my time came and got hired fulltime. I earned it and know I can be doing more always expecting more for myself and pushing to be better.
Thankful I got appreciated for my efforts there's always a family member thats disappointed in me. I can't please everyone I'm happy with my mild achievements did it with the heart I wear on my sleeve.
I don't expect any sympathy but I won't show any emotions when it comes to those who slander my name trying to ruin my future because they choose to live in the past.
What's hard is trying to be, who I say,  I am and who I set out to be. I don't like to lie or contradict myself holding on my faith to get through this. Hard to write since I've been home recovering from the transplant I usually share what I feel from an experience or what I gained from the encounter

He loved his family bur they are the worse. He didn't bother anyone with his problems. A single guy who kept to himself minded his mouth most of all his business.
His family didn't get along but around relative made it worse. He loved his cousins never told them anything but they are quick to give him a piece of their mind. He didn't remember asking.
He could go out and come home late He was single and didn't have kids. While the ones with kids acted single. Cheating on their baby mama or playing the victim because the baby mama returned the favor.
Having multiple kids and not being responsible for them. That was none of his business but if he buys himself whatever he wants because he worked for it. Trying to guilt trip him. He paid rent while the others didn't but had the nerve to talk bad look down on him.
It's time to move out living with people that are given while he's still working for his.
He made mistakes and learned trying to improve the situation not see it as a punishment. Asking for help was hard but found the people he needed are unreliable. He had to find and make a way. He went against odds Before.
It was no surprise but what's worse is when your family is the road block. In your face making you feel unworthy.
You don't care to fit in or prove yourself because they don't help or do anything to contribute.
They never showed any remorse or sympathy when you were down and out they expected you to get up and move on. Now they are going through stuff you feel bad and want to help. They didn't want you around. When things are bad they are there with you. When things are great for them, they are nowhere to be found.

Learning to forgive is hard
Grew up around rude people
Most Never apologized
You apologized never forgiven
Being drained turns to shutting down
The anxiety clouds judgement
Stress makes it hars to focus
Thoughts looping seeking justification
Playing scenarios possible outcomes
Usually another ending occurs
Trying to prepare lighten the blow
Never expect what could be
Aftermath could amount to nothing

I pray for them because I see the problem
They won't admit it or see it as wrong
I'm not going to get involved or say
Dealing with head strong people is hard
Most never listen and ready to argue I'm praying for those that hurt
Those who cause heart ache get stopped
The girl that's pregnant gets kicked out by her bf but still goes back. I pray for her and the child.
The older man who stays with a woman who treats him like an idiot. Because he fears to be alone. I pray for them as well. I'm not mad but pray the situation gets better. I pray some come to their senses. The internal struggle passes replaced peace and closure.

He couldn't sleep jujitsu was on his mind. Thinking how to change it up since he was lighter. No longer a powerhouse, thinking about technique since he wasn't a heavyweight anymore from a cozy 230 now weighing in at 155. Getting older as well his 40th birthday was coming soon.
He just wants to be back on the mats. The thought what he'd have to buy a new GI. Some rash guards he missed every moment of it being away. While at work he'd hustle to pay gym fees.

The dynamics changed lost energy
Divorce took its toll on the alpha
While the loss of a loved one
Changed a life the tone changed
From following to leading
Making decisions not being told
What to do how to act or behave
Leaving for the dream job
The current job part time
Another planning to retire
Go on journeys enjoy life
Away from the desk changing it up
Observing others learning from them
A lead who had a solid group
Now starting over rebuilding
Change is a good thing losing
Now adding on for the better
Not getting stuck in the transition
Letting go moving forward
No longer waiting for it to happen
It's not coming to you go after it

Hard to trust after being done *****. He forgave them but they kept up the same scam. Giving him the silent treatment when they got caught up now they are mad at him for telling the truth. As they kept lying and blaming everyone else.
He didn't drink anymore but everyone with their failed relationships and bad habits trying to justify everything. More nonsense that didn't hold him down or back. He was not easily fooled their actions were louder than all the shouting and complaining. It was their life how is it anyone's fault for their actions. It was annoying everything got really bad instead of better. He made mistakes but learned not to say or do anything because of the negative influences that tried to mock his way of life. Provoke him to over react when he knew that he didn't ask for advice and not react nor empower toxic behavior

Not able to drive feeling depressed
Relying on others is the worse
Years of being free to do whatever
Hate being limited due to the transplant
Not able to lift more than 10 pounds
Dropping stuff ***** not able to bend
Dealing with the worse people
Saw good but proved wrong yet again
Poor judgement once again
Being aided to do laundry
Not on my terms or time
On theirs is the worst waiting around
Something special and important
Not taken serious seen as a vacation
Kindness abused hope being drained
Sleep deprived by snoring and arguing
Rushed when it's your time

They expect you to know but don't teach you anything. Expecting you to know everything at that moment put in the hot seat. Respect for my elders but they don't teach you anything job security. On their way out and we still learning the game. Talking bad on the up and comers what a **** shame.
Their time is running up things are changing learned to be open to change. Old ways new ways no one cares just get it done. From the an outsider looking in finally on the inside.
All the rumors being true feels like the dark side wanted to be on the right side. Hated being alone got use to the silence giving my all to make it better than before. Dk or care anymore not the same everything is in the process of change.

Being old school is better than what's going on today. I don't agree but respected it. I understand it's the next generations time. Never a roadblock mind my mouth and business.
Growing up being told don't do this or don't act like that. Different times and social standards. All the taboo is socially accepted or being praised before it would be checked or stopped.
Now a days lots of imposition let people be themselves with being labeled or judge. While everyone uses labels to keep people out acting like it gives them the right to justify their behavior and actions.
Everyone is entitled to believe or feel a certain but don't force it on others. That works for you doesn't mean it's right for others. I wonder how can we make society coexist because peace will come if people would understand and accept instead of make up rules and pretend they know the answers of you know as it gets made up and BS along the way.

Learning his lesson after being hurt
Scared to be with the wrong person
Been hurt not trying to hurt others
It came to an end now its too late
Not a debate cant change
How they feel mind is made up
A broken heart needs time to heal
Apologies no one is forgiven
Things won't change too proud
Remain the same too stubborn
Egos clash killing love no remorse
A dueling romance the final dance
Departing starting over again
Something new next chapter
After being treated cruel
Bettering yourself for the future
Learning from the past aftermath

Went out for a few hours and celebrated it was nice to get out of the house but the party cup is being retired hard to focus with a hangover. Trying to be human but sometimes it. Its not fun with an arguing couple or with a friend that's in a failing relationship.
Called delusional for calling them on the act
Sensitive for not taking their craps
Seen as ignorant for having an opinion
Cut them off moving on now they talking
Trying to turn others on you how they see you.
They called him ****** or a hard *** for hiding his feelings protecting his heart since he's been hurt many times before.

He stared at her and she didn't age. He felt like that scared nervous boy from high school. Trying to say something funny but came off socially awkward. She told him about his husband. He respected that he did many bad things a home wrecker was not one of them.
A flashback that had taken him back. Many things he had forgotten those memories came back, he'd  remember things that got blocked out.
He was lost in the reality working to survive, creating to escape all the frustration. Asking what he truly wanted still pursue his dreams, even if they were a secret.

Big on being my own person
Made me out to be someone I'm not
Always honest doing What's right
Cursed my name like it's a gain
Taking on the slow trying to grow
Working twice as hard because I care
Others can careless and complain
More talk from the lazy one
More work picking up the slack
Accused of making others look bad
If they took pride in the work
they wouldn't need someone to blame
Minding my business still with the name calling
Made work fun too bad it's a joke
Put into time feels like everyday is a battle to be heard

He worried it didn't happened more determined than before. Did his part and more just in the background. He wanted to be a lead but everything was harder than it should be. He didn't always agree but did respect the decision made. His family at him up wanting to be there to be around. Everything was tainted had to be a struggle so much conflict for expressing concern. They don't know your story quick to make assumptions. Trying to think your life but dk your experience. It wasn't a priority in his eyes why did they make it out to be drama. Even if he had done it or if it mattered to him they wouldn't care or give a ****.

He worried for the new child. The parents didn't get along always trying to gain power and control the situation. He loved family but he was tired of hearing this couple argue break up and back together these unhealthy patterns became the foundation of the relationship.
He looked out for his cousin but learned to fade out not get involved he would hear more lies he got tired of more lies. He valued him but felt devalued being around with someone that never had his back unless he needed a favor.
He had his own stuff going on why would he take on the burden of others. He was trying to be supportive to the people who never supported him back. All they did was make a mess cause drama he was done cleaning up the mess he didn't make

Hard to write when the page won't load
Working hard starting to feel burnt out
Wanting to live life feels closer to death
Been a long week with aome long days
Feeling in a daze working for insurance
Saving up while getting paid for long days
On the outside looking in working harder
Trying not to be annoyed certain people to avoid
******* one's self being the worse most harsh critic
Wanting to more but coming up short
Feeling like a failure so much to be thankful for
Focused on the blessings not what's missing
A dream put on hold after being denied

He has a younger version of his parents
He loved them with all his heart
But they expected him to praise them
They did nothing for him he had to do it on his own
Working hard busting his **** to get what he needed
He didn't care to feed anyone's ego
No matter what he did they seen him as ghetto
All he wanted was to be himself
So many fakes pretending to be real
Judging everything he did
Never looked at what they did
Like if their wrong doing is justified or pardoned
Giving them the right to look down on others
Tried less than the kids are drug addiction son
Excluded while they collected unemployment as he worked for his

Comparing writing styles
Had a different vibe
A tone more passionate
Always Trying to improve
Sound and be better
Younger didn't know any better
Now older quick to think not act
From heartbroken to heart on reserve
A social butterfly now socially selective
Didn't like change more open new
From wanting to be friends will all
Able to enjoy ones company and music
Loves the creative process becomes real
Feeling and seeing it come to life
Making and recreating a moment

He stayed single because his family would never approval. He didn't like being put in that situation where he would have to pick a relationship or family. It wouldnt be fair to his partner since his family was very judgemental wanting the best for him. He was always getting criticized but respectful when he had something to say.
If he could say anything without them being triggered. He knew they had something to say but never gave them reasons to talk. He was always privates person. He didn't care to be involved, most of all caught up in all the drama.
He did want their approval but learned he's better off doing his own thing. He wanted to be there but never felt accepted had to alter himself which got old. He wasn't like them got tired of pretending things would be alright after being uncomfortable for years.

He was trusting to the wrong person it all came out. She was triggered ready to make the **** shot. He surrendered just wanted peace it was never ending no pretending. He didn't care to prove himself even when provoked. Walking away from all the sadness not letting them knock you rebuilding yourself up. From a crowded path to being a trail blazer scared to drift but journeying onto new leaving the old.

He started to draw he always wanted to make a comic but shading was complicated. He could see it in his head not able to put it on the page. While writing he could explain it talking about it made the feelings come into existence sometimes it mattered other times it was passing.
He stayed single because his difficult relationships made him be and act like someone else he said never again. All he wanted was to be loved and accepted while being torn apart for tough love. He made it easy for his partner while she made it hard for him to be comfy in his own skin. He was never materialistic he believe it was about how you treated people even if they wronged him and did him *****.
People would come and go like the seasons he didn't fight for them since they wanted out who was he to come between their happiness. His chapter was over thankful for the memories and good times during those dark periods.

The first year without him so much change
Things use to be in check now an imposition
Some people just work and live life
While others passively mistreat others
Because others don't follow their rules
Not a follower being a trail blazer
Challenging all these made up rules
Refusing to apply give in use to rejection
Sometimes you're love other times excluded
Some how the script gets flip
Not in your favor but the blame
Focused on things matter the work speaks
Seen as a threat for know things
Doing the basic seen as an over achieve
Just trying and putting forth effort

He was thankful to be working
Glad to be free escape the old ways
Those that didn't value his persona
Open mind to change over the routine
Memories remain time for new
Grew up with tough love hard to trust
Not a doormat to be stepped on
Secrets told suppose to be private
Opened up to the wrong people
He valued them as they talked bad
Being different gave him an edge
Took the blame without knowing
Easing the pain of others

He didn't want to argue, but he was tired of being disrespected. He wasn't materialistic he valued people even if they didn't value who he is. All he wanted was to be himself without being stripped down told; how to act, and how to be. He did his own thing stopped seeking approval walked alone.
Tired of others using numbers to come up with false narrative. They did worse but he didn't care to judge them or hold it against them.