He use to walk into enemy territory with a smile. They came at him but he settled the score behind the scenes. He use to take pride in serving those who did him a ***** a receipt. The betrayal become personal He looked out for them and had their back.
He found out they'd bad mouth him slander his character. This bad boy rep did him a favor rather than changes others perspect of how they seen  him. Everything against him was frustrating he knew not to go against family but they had it out for him. He never dated an ex of a friend or relatives.
All these made up ideals kept him out or tried to change him just to be accepted. It wasn't worth it so many people had more than him and still ungrateful. He was less fortunate but still thankful Pursuing his dreams and crafts to enhance his talents.

He wasn't taken serious seen as a joke. They think he's a push over once they crossed the line they'd be surprised when he checked them put them back in their place. He was over all the insults backhanded complements.

Not always the good guy
Only one side of the story is being told
Never said anything bad
While others project false beliefs
Spoke up against imposed ideals
Excluded for having an opinion
Allowed to disagree have differences
Not a yes man speaking on one's self
Friends fade grow a part over time
Due to conflict of interest
Family should love you more
Since  they can't compromise
Trying to slander your name
Make relatives think less of you
One voice means nothing alone
Use the masses to gain power
The power trip causes the downfall
Comfortable being disrespectful
Eventually, toxic takes down the mass
The truth remains overpowering lies
While the manipulator is exposed

People let him down all the time he never said anything and did it on his own. While others expect and don't try then have the nerve to complain. He began to cut away toxic people because they were only nice to him when they needed a favor. If he wasn't doing favors they didn't care of give a **** about him.
He was tired of people snaking around pretending to like him while they did shady stuff acting like they did right by his side. They did him ***** while he watched them run his act on new prey.
He didn't want to associate with weasel faced snakes. That would violate his personal space to cover their own spineless backs. Trying to take credit from others with so called brilliant ideas that would be placed to sponge off others claiming it to be a team effort.

He wanted to control his narrative so many rumors that circled round. They cut him off and pushed him out made it on his own. There was no going back  do or die. The world was dark and cruel he kept chasing the light.
He zoned out from all the bad and toxic. Kept doing what he liked and loved. Stayed true to himself since everyone was going through something. He respected their situation while they tried to ruin his moment because nothing was happening for them.

As the older brother dealing with siblings
Hard to move on stuck on the past
Writing already gutted from the inside
Remains getting chewed up
Making the most of the situation
A public front different personalities
Living up to this image not sure
Treating some bad with no regards
Living two lives barely able to live one
Trying to get hired not being uses properly

Always fighting to survive
Fell in love with the wrong girl
Associated with the wrong crowd
Working hard for false promise
Sacrificed through though time
Sober living no one believed
Embraced being alone
The only way it could be done
Felt like no one care pushed out
Remember for failure rise
Flaws pointed out knocking effort
Being ill seen new perspective
First time experiencing love in support

Told the same old stories. ready to move onto new. Start a new book rereading doesn't change the end. Time to change change book new journeys and adventure just like living life. Embrace the new instead of the same daily stale routine. Changing it up with some luster and surprise.

He started to read more escape his loopy wild thoughts that seemed overwhelming not the solution. Feeling his mindset change, he missed being an athlete. It was part of him but aged out feeling like it caught up with him.
He had a place in his heart they didn't always have a spot saved for him. He loved to practice that was where he went all out and gave his all. Even if he didn't get to be his best he knew he brought the best out in others.

Use to talk to other writer all they do is make you feel good or make you feel like you can't write. Asking you to critique their work help them get better, it's their life their story. Who am I to correct their work not fond of critics. You've done the work put in the time, how are they are talking. Tell you it's like something else, or try to take away from the efforts made. Another day another up late writing they can't take that away. Pushing out all this anger by fake phonies. Will not be consumed by their hatred that infected them.

The so called homies that stole to feed their bad habits from a funeral fund. Thankful for your help you aren't owed anything. The disrespect to the lost one. Not able to visit or celebrate his life on his passing everyone turns it into happy hour making a fool of themselves.
Its calmed down some have multiple strikes not taking that risk. Others having families being forced to grow up.
Everyone talks about being down or about the crown. Times have changed drugs and beer runs are not cool. Working hard being responsible is more respectable then those short term highs and drinking during the lows.
Grew up around homies wasn't a normal child hood to others but normal part of the heritage.

He was stressed over work becoming a lead. His family didn't agree so it felt like they were against him. It all went away when he put on the mitts training with his cousin forgetting all the BS and the nonsense.
It felt right worthy of his time he could be himself while challenging him to be better. Enjoying the cardio seeing and feeling the combo process in his head. Kicks and punches working on form and technique.
He had something to call his own while everything he felt like it was outta control. No say or control making the most of everything. Breaking away from family because they brought out the worse instead of making him better. The job sight was demanding working to keep the standards doing the work and extra pleasing ungrateful people but staying on top of things feeling pressured.

The call of the wild
A wild child become a man
Putting others first
Instead of dealing
With problems within
Easier on the outside looking
Once inside wanting out
Writing is an outlet
Old emotions surface by horrible people
You did them a favor
Who act like they are righteous
By your side only for their own gain
Praying for change to be saved
Doing good and bad takes away from you
Praying bad vibes leave your presence

It was his day off he liked to write so he wrote so that he could compose himself and put life into perspective. He was a dreamer and had a wild imagination he could tell amazing stories to his siblings and co-workers he liked to make people laugh and smile. He enjoyed his job because he had many jobs where he was treated unfair but this was a job where he worked alone and would be lost with his thoughts. He was very impersonal but did want to connect he could only write so much and hide in his room. He wanted to write a book and make the world smile. So many negative and bitter people, he wasn't feeling sorry for anyone because they showed him no remorse. He knew the struggle and had nothing but bounced back humble and counting his blessings instead of worrying about what he didn't have.

Hoping to find love
Tired of diluted feelings
Feels real not going to work out
Looking past flaws accepting
Every flaw need to be corrected
Each mistake puts up a wall
Holding a grudge hard to say sorry
Never forgiven kept at arms length
Siblings at one another like strangers
Showing love getting hate
Taking the bad instead of the good

Use to being alone hard to trust
Not with anyone because of loneliness
After being deceived hard to open up
Holding back ready to go all in
Gave everything to something
That did not amount to anything
Emotionally invested now bankrupt
Protecting a broken heart from betrayal
Honest with love complicated situations
Respectful of feeling trying to understand
During an emotional hardship
Frustration taking the after math
Dealing with feeling of passive abuse
Never included left with subliminal clues
Never explained multiple assumptions

All these fears because of others
Worried about their judgement
Always talking bad on others
Expecting others to change
While remaining the same
Over come this pain suffering within
More hurt from annoying people
Writing the narrative adds a tone
Doesn't change the reality
A beat up ego toughening up
Pride swallowed a dry mouth
Choking making it hard to breathe

Trying to get close dk how
Easier to keep a distances
Relationships are hard
Treated unfairly by loved ones
Seen a stranger one mistake
Not given a second chance
Tried to do right the first time
Everything went wrong not meant to be
Love faded away it doomed
Never good enough fighting to survive
Emotionally numb on the inside
Physically paralyzed taking it straight up
Spiritual growth on life support in a coma
It needs to be woken healing has begun
All this for love to be accepted socially
Even when it's killing your mental health

Took the leap jumped without hesitation
Free falling the hard wind against my face
The deep hole consumes the bodys pain
My soul clears out of heart, skips a beat
The adrenaline surfacing becomes immune
Fight to survive, facing death with no fear
The tension strong feed off the vibe
Forces spreading setting a tone
If one things feels wrong, all feels lost
In mid air, no one knows, care to understand
Free falling the trying to resist
Life flashing before your eyes
A fist made tight, easing up can mean it's over
The body reacts, this can be the end
Something within wakes up; revived not over yet

It use to be fun now it's not the same
Drinking with family everyone complains
At the bar wanting to be home
Better at home not driving
Instead of overpriced drinks
Use to be fun not anymore
Alcohol doesn't heal the pain
Not able to drown out bad memories
Dealing with problems everyday
Some can be resolved others pending
Walking away from phonies
Once valued them tried coming at you
Now keeping a distance broken trust
After all the lies you stop caring
Endangering others drinking while driving
Care more about drugs than your only child
Hard to watch so much is felt
Asking what's with you
Or why are you doing this?
Get why no one bothers and called a last cause

He didn't expect anyone to change but they wanted him to be someone else just to be liked to be accepted. It wasn't worth it and he didn't like the idea of denying himself to be part of an indecisive group. He'd rather do his own thing than be dissected like a fixer up project.
He wanted to let go but remembered all the nonsense. They told him full of double standards, all the criticism from two faced individuals. He wasn't angry just puzzled because they thought less of him and thought they had say and control of his life

I've always respected relationships but don't care for the hate. Being single can be lonely don't come at me twisted because you have no say or control over my life. Worry about your relationships. I don't care to be around couples someone is always mad.
My friend or family might have to take on your crazy but I don't have to I tolerate this by fake being nice. After a few insults and accusations. I'm free and single no kids. I get mind blow how people go from relationships to roommates. I get people try to work it out for the kids but I respect your way of life don't be quick to judge mine.

Writing has been an eye opener having those honest moments with yourself. Doing a self check what's wrong and what's on your mind?

Made cuts some people are welcome but shut you out. You shut them out and walk away. Tired of contributing to one sided relationships. Already taking on a load and about to add more stress.

Sitting in AA and a support group trying to be normalish. Mental health can be saved once you drop the burden of the earth. Asking what you want what makes you happy. Make goals and achieve one step at a time.

Hard to be a winner when everything goes wrong. It's okay to enjoy a celebration. The pursuit of life is about maintaining keep doing the work

After being denied the position. He continued to work harder most give up take the job hostage act like they deserved it. He'd worker harder for something better. Not settling he expressed his goals to this unmotivated lead that detoured his goals.
It was a wake up call being better when it came to people that didn't believe in him. He didn't use his recovery from surgery as an excuse. He'd only miss work if it was an intense procedure.
From doing extra to doing his part making his area stand out. Taking time to improve himself having a life outside of work. Being a workaholic was not rewarding when he did the work most will get it without trying that's the frustrating part after this life lesson.

Back to the gym it's a load off
Pushing the body to the limits
Slow and in control of the weights
Muscles tightening muscle member coming back
Feeling stronger mentally
Pushing through the soreness
Body going through the motions
The tension gets more intense
Trying to find the pump
Clear the mind stare into the distance
Rebuilding muscle fibers growing
Resistance maximum effort
Controlled breathing each rep

Wake up it's still dark need to beat the traffic rush. Cold outside seeing it while exhaling determined to stay warm. Wearing warm cozy layers because the weather is unpredictable. From cold as ice to hot has hell. The temperature would progress with the day. Losing layers or sometimes the weather stayed consistent dressed just right. In the car so early loud music to stay awake. The heat blasting to keep you warm on the way. Arrive before everyone sitting in an empty lot waiting for the rest show up. The early morning silence rewarding soothing to the mind. The tender intensity felt just right. He was always anxious but everything felt right. Up early home early. Like the days better then the night shift.

Kept telling the truth people got mad
Instead of telling me told everyone else
Times have changes got much worse
Not going back to those old ways
Old tradition didn't agree but respected
New ways accepted so much disrespect
Parents don't parent raise your kids
Competing for love among siblings
Trying to better yourself

He knew he'd be excluded for not agreeing seen different for having an opinion. Usually a push over and taken lightly this time he stood his ground.
Why should he give up who he is to be liked to be accepted when everyone else made no changes or a difference to help others. He was tired of all the expectation of others.
They didn't care what he thought or how he felt. Like anything they said or did was more important. He cleared his mind showing no feelings or emotions wore a bold face as they bad mouth him to anyone who would listen. They looked down on him because he didn't give up on himself since he didn't do anything wrong.

Doing what you love when they don't want you. Expect you to be someone you're not. They try to keep you out but you find other ways to do it make it happen.
Feels like they don't want you to excel acting like you need them or need to go through them to make it. Didn't ask for approval just trying to grow in the craft.
They have this ideals that are not in my favor expecting you to live up to these standards, they aren't even living. I respect they've done it but I'm still doing it and pushing through.

He was left alone doing his own thing. The worse feeling is his family hating on him because no matter what he did I wasn't good enough. They talked to him like he was stupid which was more insulting.
All the betrayal he asked for help got ignored. Now that he figured it out doing his own thing they chime in with their toxic negative opinion, no one asked for. He was excluded because they made him out to be a bad guy. He didn't do anything but played the role. Not able to change him trying to use the numbers against him. Trying to manipulate others perspective so they could think excluding him would change him.
He wasn't interested in their opinion since they ignored him when he meant well while their wicked ways tried to break him down so they could keep doing their evil.
He wasn't blind or turning a blind eye he walked away from that life. It hurt at first but it needed to be done. They didn't know his life or his story most of all his struggle over the years. He didn't use people he respected them and treated them accordingly

They were threatened by his way of life. How he seen the world. They wanted him to be someone he wasn't. He never wanted or expected anything he went with out. Now they talk act like they treated him like one of them. He's not like or will never be one of them.
It sickened him he was ready to start his own traditions cut ties because they were cutting him deep. He went numb couldn't be himself taking the thrill out of life. He couldn't move on it would give them a reason to talk.
He was educated they judged me making him feel bad for wanting more but working for it. He was open to change while everyone stayed the same. This was his family image how his enemies treated him

Walking away was hard but got easier because he had to fight for his spot. Why stay if they had plans to replace him. Being pushed out the welcome feeling was gone.
Tired of compromising himself to fit in and being what others said when he didn't say anything or do anything to give them a reason to talk. He was supportive but when he needed them they were no where to be found.
He would vent but their problems always seemed to be more important than how he felt and what he thought.
He use to give advice try to help he was resourceful never telling people the truth not what they wanted to her.
Most did the opposite or whatever they wanted so he stopped

He looked in the mirror and asked who are you? What have you become? He felt close but slipping trying to find balance restore himself without being self destructive. He realized letting was hard but told himself its for the better. He Told himself don't go back to those bad habits. Be better it failed before you know the outcome. Things wont change all he wanted was to be himself and feel part of something not lower or deny himself to be accepted.
All he wanted was to get along coexist not pretend to be someone others made him out to be. When he belonged he felt himself grow and kept pursuing more. He wanted to change tired of settling cheating himself. He over thought but made sure it was worth his time the steps it took

Benji hated walking on egg shells. He couldn't say anything but people tried to tell him everything when no one asked. Lots of projection and imposition from others; making it easy for him to be alone.
Everyone was so miserable and sad all he wanted was to be happy. So many drained him of his good vibes. Feeling robbed and cheating himself because he couldn't say anything or have an opinion without everything becoming a personal attack.
He would write in his journal which gave him a voice. He didn't like to argue or go against his family and friends. Becoming a road block he knew they wouldn't like it and he didn't want to do it.
Lots of conflict of interest would cause this friendship to crumble. Feuding with family is the worse not backing down or running standing your ground up for yourself. No terms or compromise only conditions that divide more problems than solutions.

Home sick for a place the heart craves
That's felt in the heart deprived
But never been there desired to escape
A place where you can feel
Relax without protecting your heart
Be yourself without criticism
Feeling at the edge ready to jump
The fatal fall that changes everything
Going forward not back staying strong
Escape into the dream set free
Lost in the moment feeling whole
The world makes sense at the time
Trying to make it a reality
Dead inside the dream lives on