Waking up tired
Composing myself for the day
Turn the coffee *** on
Creamer in my cup in the mug
Waiting to pour a warm delight
Taking that first sip
Getting the energy to take on life

Fired from the first job what made it worse was he let his cousin down.
Getting beat up at work to lose the second job by an older lazy coworker
Ever job and life lesson learned changing not meant to be the same
Tired of holding onto bad it never gets good or better
Just positive thought and optimistic thinking is close as it gets
Moving forward years being stuck stuck in the rut

He never denied his roots but did question someone of them. He felt they went against him he didn't expect anyone to give up on their beliefs but knew it would cause a conflict of interest. He wasn't happy making other people happy. When he was happy they wouldn't be happy for him. Having to pick family or his lover, why can't they coexist. He was in love but the family so judgemental. Never there when he needed them, why should they have a say.  Why did he care so much. He had to unlearn and learn somethings so he can try to keep his world from falling apart

A year of insanity things might
Go back to normal not so much crazy
Less pressure tired of feeling divided
On the outside looking in
Not stressing social structure
All this talk causing frustration
Being told its wrong so much fuss
Taken into consideration
Now someone else is doing it

A young college chum fell for a softball girl he wanted her to be the one in his future. Turns out he wasn't meant to be in her plans he was one of many. It ate him alive knowing that she was with someone else after him seeing it shattered his heart.
The betrayal made him immune to pain like he was expecting it to be a forever thing. He was a fan and went to her games turns out he player her games and got played. He didn't deserve the foul treatment but couldn't handle the curve ball life threw his way.
Over time healing learning to love and trust again such a cruel world full of toxic people trying to manipulate his kindness. He stood tall most of all alone not letting anyone take him for granted focused on what he loves the things that made him happy. A new book to write starting a new chapter no control of how things ended. Now able to make decisions without others wicked imposition.

He felt used only when they needed something he became a thought. He took on the burdens but he didn't want to do it anymore. He trusted them but their actions said otherwise.
He learned to process his feelings and emotions. Stopped looking for approval. Doing his own thing. He stopped texting first his phone was for music. He tried to put himself out there not easily received by his peers or crush.
He wanted more than friends with benefits. Hoping it would lead to more. Tired of being placed in the friend zone. He was over all the one sided friendships and relationships. Feeling unworthy not good enough He deserved better.
His peers bad mouth him behind his back never to his face. Always held him to different standards.

The day it all came out All the anger
You loved the job but all the bs rules
Contradicting double standard was infuriating
Respect for the older gentlemen but those rules trapped in your mind
Never good enough maximum effort no emotions
Giving your all your everything all heart no glory
Determined to win a rigged game
Trying to be perfect stopped by flaws
Never complimented or given props
Always reminded the mistake the mistake always pointed out
Every flaw noticed made all the effort lose value
Stopped looking for a approval tool charge
The only one doing the work going strong blocking out the bs from the lazy

Sometimes it feels like the world is after you because of an opinion or differences cause conflict over a disagreement. Working for everything called entitled which is a lie since everyday is a fight to be heard to be understood.
After being kept out their opinion doesn't matter since all they do is bad mouth you behind your back. No one is talking about them or cares what they think because they knock others instead of build them up.
Working hard to get through the shift moving up means dealing with people is a headache while the degrading pay mildly attempts to make up for it.
Learning its okay to do it, after many years of people saying NO not believing in you. Telling you you're not right or wrong because you didn't it their way. You start to think I'm the one doing it. Why does it matter? In the end, do they even care?

We maybe blood but we are not family
You steal from family and blame everyone
Own up for your wrong doing
Running your mouth, your actions don't match up
With someone you don't love, you ***** gold digger
You claim to hate me, why do you keep saying my name
I avoid you to keep the peace minding my mouth
Once I speak the truth, your mouth shuts
You are weak pretending to be tough
Made my point now you can take your knife from my back
I apologized not forgiven, treated you right
Treat me worse than the rest like I owe you something
You owe it to yourself get out their and earn it
Stop piggy backing, riding someone else's glory
I hate that we fight but you have bad social skills
I'm trying to understand, but you make it personal, attack with curse words
You cry play the victim,  when you keep provoking
You demand respect with your disrespectful mouth
Turns out your are chaos pretending to be innocent
So many empower your stubborn ways
Once someone challenges your way
You become passive with aggression, attack in a group
You can't do it alone, not saying much when you are alone
Being the outcast, found comfort in being alone
Not like you; no way, shape or form
Don't think we are a like I've done way more
I owned up to my mistakes and learned from failing
Your entitlement, disrespect will get you, no where.

He walked away starting to feel better. Now a lonely person, after all the cuts starting to heal. Moved on with no regret gaining back self respect. Clearing his mind of doubt, stayed away from the chaos back on track.
The dream that plays in the back of the mind. Staying sober cut off old intoxicated chums.
He had no common interest other than being alcohol fueled. Relationships over friendships couldn't get any of them right

Asked what hurts you
Family was the response
Siblings that never get alone
Bad communication assuming the worse
Everyone thinks they are right
Only when they need something
If you can't help forever holding a grudge
Cussing you out expecting respect
Thinking bad behavior will be rewarded
Not able to open up using it against you
Manipulate others slander your character
One sided arguments better to walk away
Called delusional for being an individual
Sensitive for having an opinion
Speaking and standing up for myself
Things never change remaining the same
It's easier to keep a distant then get involved

The day we met hard to forget
Asked you out with no regrets
Loving you holding you close
Hard to let go one day my heart will show
Something real starts to grow
If it's fake it will die and fade away
Can't hide it anymore it's killing me
Open heart it glows feeling alive again
I can can't remember certain moments
But will always remember you it feels right

I published my new episode turtle tank #75, please check it out
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-w66pp-9cfe77

Betty was fed up with her cousin she did love her jut she was over, how she was two faced. Nice to others face but talking about them behind their back. Her cousin would use people for her personal gain if she didn't get her way, she would make a scene talk loud.
Betty loved her family but didn't feel loved, or disconnected. She didn't always agree with their behaviors and actions. Told to be quiet, it's hard to be silent when they are doing wrong. Told not to go against the family but the family always had problems with her and anything she did
The day Betty went to college learned to be on her own. She seen the world over all the old ways of life. Too many made up rules that made her feel limited and held back. Family didn't look out for her unless they got some kind of benefits out of what she did.

Outside practicing the bass guitar
Wanting to play a gig feel the vibe
The Adrenaline rush feeling alive
Trying to get better writing lyrics
Share your stories with the world
Past experiences explored for entertainment
Weird people encountered on this  journey
Many awkward social interactions overtime some might connect and understand
While most will reject without agreeing
Allowed to disagree have your own opinion
Maintaining love showing respect
Talking without hatred being bias

Losing a loved one
Makes you want to be better
Honor them by stepping it up
Seen so much been around the block
Keep working hard find purpose
Make it meaningful still at it
Live life to the fullest be more
Overcome setback rise above the hurt
That degree so close yet so far
One class at a time one loan at a time
Missing the mats a white belt
Working towards blue
Missing being on the field coaching
Working with the youth develop
Being a mentor to those who need guidance

I walk around in pain mentally and physically but don't give in distract myself with work and helping other. Some are blessed with more and miserable that doesn't make sense.
I don't have the energy to argue because I didn't do anything open to talk but what's frustrating is people say things are okay but talk about everyone. Getting older makes you care less someone always hates you or mad.
People try to change others and never themselves. Quick to hate you because your happy with you got. I've learned you can't do it all or have it all right away. Work for it and go hard. Growing up poor I'm not grandfathered in or handed anything because of my name and who I know.
My work speaks for itself and people will know your work or your bad behavior. Trust is earned not given. Work gets you the respect from peers.

Would rather be at work than home
Always doing something productive
Writing my stories people encountered
Personal experience over the top
Not one to associate with theives
Not feeding into drug habits
Avoiding alcoholics for sobriety
Help my group or you got to go

Part of life is done no going back
It hurts so bad the betrayal
A knife to the heart for trusting
The disappointment eats at you
Feeling closed off from the world
Seek new start over fresh beginnings
Ready to shut down fade away

Doing the work but not sure what to do with it. That's the frustration with being a fighter you can be ready for the fight and it doesn't happen. It gets worse when your not ready for the fight opportunity presents it's self you take a chance and risk. I love to write but editing is stress do my words gain or lose value the most important question is does this make sense.
Explaining: why you do things is hard when you just do it. What's your reason? What's your purpose? The question, what drives helps. I can answer, I wanted to do it or they said it couldn't be done. I did it for myself to prove them wrong or things needed to be done.
I'd rather do the work than try to come up with an excuse. It's easy to tell the the truth lying doesn't get you anywhere.

Anything you do ****** them off why not be happy in the process. Grew up with nothing working for more some had more it's never enough. Fighting to be heard to move up some get a pass to the front. They don't do anything with the opportunity. Stepped up wasn't ready or prepared trying hard than most. Not wanted or accepted is the worse feeling while trying to excel.
Told you don't belong because of what you look like because your skin tone or height weight why focus on physical instead of getting the person who does the job gets it done right. Years of being anti establishment as they try to make you into their product trying to be self made.
Open to learn and grow but not letting other take credit for your success. Trying to rise up for years not a poster child or a rep for something that doesn't think you are worth investing in.
Making personal investments growing past all those limitations all those people that didn't think you have it or what it takes out working everyone.

They expected too much it was never enough
Just wanted to be himself never approved
But made him out to be someone else
He loved to joke things got personal
Had an opinion got ignored reserved himself
Easier to be silent than cause a ruckus
Stayed out told not doing enough
Provoked not giving trying to be at his best
Learned to mind his mouth and business
Being hyped up was all new
He use to everyone bad mouthed
All he wanted was to be hired full time
Always giving his all with out doubt
Focused on the work trying to make it better
Easier for himself if others benefit a bonus
Not a fan of brown nosing maximum effort
He wanted it working for it behind the scenes
No one took a risk gave him a chance

Been wide awake not able to sleep
Deep down an unsettle feeling
Trying to balance things out
Feels like everything might crumble
Fall apart before these tired eyes
A sore body from pushing through
Trying to beat the clock going strong
Dealing with a lazy leads ego
It's just talking blocking it out
Some will never change their mind
Not expecting much moving forward
Set in their stubborn ways one way
With distance resentment fades away
Time to heals over being stuck waiting
From the old embrace new moving on

The inner term oil burned out
Not writing from anger and frustration
Focused on health instead of taking on the bitterness of the world
People that don't value you, or your opinion
Avoiding toxic environments
Not going back to uncomfortable place
Forgetting those that violated trust
Broken down boundaries
Trust and respect no longer exist
Moving away from things that hurt
Not reliving old pain in fading memories
Cut the lust focused on something real
Love within grows strong as hate goes away

He *** depressed not waiting to do anything. He didn't play with his bass. He wrote with his true feelings. He was always up beat and positive, but all the toxic around him infected him.
He was always thankful and grateful others had way more blessings. He didn't want to quit or give up on life.
He thought about jujitsu but was fighting with his health issues. He wanted to get back on the mats. He did too much and got burnt out or he did extra feeling it wasn't enough.
Some days he wanted to scream punch the wall be free. He felt okay but something was telling him it's over. He fought his way out resisting the the mind tricks. Trying to stay above water like he's drowning being pulled under. Trying to survive while others lived and some died on borrowed time.

People mad since he had an opinion
Offended by his honesty told the truth
They had nothing on him
So she tried to turn everyone on him
Couldn't win alone making a fuss
Started a false narrative full of lies
For momentum to gain leverage
Manipulating others to gain control
Had nothing but thankful and grateful
They had it all still not happy
Miserable the blessings never enough
Being insulted gave him tough skin
Never talking about anyone
For not liking him since he disagreed
Hated him for being different
He was always the topic of discussion

Being able to escape the bad
Focused more on the good
Stopped letting family be discouraging
Asking what I want instead of giving in
Not giving up lost in learning
The bass guitar a connection to a grandpa that passed
Drawing use to stare at a blank page
Not thinking too much letting things flow
The creative process able to feel again
Moments at the track escaping home
Bettering your mind and body
Life's not bad being around toxic people
Made it easy to leave without looking back
Not involved anymore
The childhood trauma
Doesn't continue in adulthood

Never coped always on the go
No time for pain working too much
A busy job that's soul *******
Another draining failed relationship
With the wrong person not compatible
Who doesn't want anything with you
But doesn't want you with anyone else
Never the man but the go to guy
Hated on for doing it right
Taking time to care show interest
Not BS wasting time finishing strong
Others quick to point out the flaw
Feeling less after giving it all

He loved his family someone was always bad mouthing someone else. He told them to their face then got the cold shoulder. While they talked about him behind his back as they were fake to his face. He was forgiving as they held a grudge. He minded his mouth for his grandparents. He got most of the heat even when it had nothing to do with him.

Got tired of being a yes man picking up the slack
People are a no show can't keep filling in
It was suppose to be part time but feels like a life time
Did all the grunt work while the gloryhounds take the credit
So much going on don't have time for my life
Once I said no that shadows all the good I've done
Been going strong facing forward taking on the world
Everyone is rude when they don't get their way
Doing my best to progress not settle like the rest
Ask questions because theres too much scandal going on
Doing the work, the way things are going is wrong