Writing the truth coming to terms moving on trying to shake this funky mood. All the double standards they got it all trying to control others life making them miserable with their opinion no one asked. Pretending to do a good deed in it for their own selfish gain.
Making a scene because they think, they are right. walking away not trying to argue or fight. They are toxic trying to justify their wrong. Fuming from the frustration all the anger stood tall won nothing just a waste of time same old BS a fool for expecting change

He wanted to control his narrative so many rumors that circled round. They cut him off and pushed him out made it on his own. There was no going back  do or die. The world was dark and cruel he kept chasing the light.
He zoned out from all the bad and toxic. Kept doing what he liked and loved. Stayed true to himself since everyone was going through something. He respected their situation while they tried to ruin his moment because nothing was happening for them.

Playing kick ball body still aches
Mind feels young but the body reacts
Being able to open up is new
Speaking up and being heard is new
Working hard and appreciated took time
A whole new experience growth
Compared to jobs that don't care use you
Usually professional doing the work
Not focused on drama or distracted by outside factors

Looking for inspiration to inspire
Music setting a tone to write
Enjoying the creative process
Trying to get that writers high
It's never enough striving for more
Find that connection for that fix
Building it like legos it comes together
Seeing it in the mind trying to share
Bring the vision to life on the page
Every detail from memory explained
The eyes took in so many moments
Felt so many emotions during it
The tones adding the shades
Many shapes size colors

Just because your childhood ****** and your relationship failed. It doesn't mean life stays the same venture out live learn and grow.
I've been reminiscing from the past growing up still. Rising above the hate. Learning to become a better person. Helping others finding direction in those ventures.

It ***** when you're trying to change and you feel provoked. Giving your best while they bring out the worse in you. Just pray and walk away.

Why can't we get along? Someone is always mad or offended. Jokes turn to insults not able to communicate with one another. Families divided not trying to argue or fight to be heard. Excluded trying to fit in but once you do your own thing all of a sudden considered. they decide you are liked because you found a way without them.
Not seeking approval anymore being your own person. Feeling against the world onto of internal struggle

Feeling free use to being excluded
Breaking away from haters
Who won't let you be
All the hypocrisy going on
Trying to tell you "you're wrong"
Not a follower or **** up
Someone use to be thief see
Where the son gets if from
But quick to talk about everyone
Paying his own way no support
Being compared tough love
More like no love walking solo
Unless you're doing favors

He finally got hired years of filling the void. A life time of lies hated for being honest and honorable. Taking pride in his work while others get made. Claiming he "made them look bad" when they shouldn't complain step it up. Smiled during the dark times. Laughing through the good times
Watched it go down wasn't his business now they are trying to impose no longer interested in opinions no one asked.

The deciet creates doubt
Questioning the judgement
On who to trust character mistaken
Not able to read the person
Thought one way acted another
Writing down these feelings
Hard to understand express
Not sure what to do with them
A clear mind Not be distracted
Blinded by detail noticing things
Trying not to obsess over the flaw
Focused on what was right

The romance was over they couldn't stand one another. Couldn't be in the same room from smiles to looks of disgust for one another. Both full of anger betrayal among them that kept them from getting along. Things got rushed both had expectations that let one another down. Not able to redeem the love, and the respect was gone. Trust was broken forever trust friendship was totaled. The relationship was tarnished beyond repair.

Writing when you are not angry
A new look on life after major surgery
Just recently got a liver transplant
The worse feeling is when people see you as a liability
Your health makes you question your life
Feeling limited holding back
Changes needed to be made
Having to diet the fear of dying
Clothes falling off due to rapid weight loss
Work intense physical pain magnified
Fear of letting the team down
Taking charge as a lead to one of the guys
Hated missing work hospitalized didn't help
A year of blood work and tests procedures to get on the list
Followed 6 months waiting with 3 no go calls
The 4th call meant race from CA to AZ for the transplant.
Not sure it would happen not losing faith
Getting told "are you ready?" by the doctor. The moment was here. Made it to AZ in 5 hours. Prepped for the surgery.
A prayer before the surgery made it reassuring. Getting cleaned with surgical soap and ivs put in the arteries and veins. Being drugged feeling loopy the last thing. I remember was climbing onto the surgical table then waking up in ICU

It ***** when certain family members try to knock you and think you're going to listen to them. I don't have the energy to deal with people that try to take their frustrations out on me.
I'm done it been years of tolerating false narratives being outcasted. It doesn't matter anymore find people that value your opinion and don't make things personal. I love family but don't tell me how to live my life. I made mistakes and learned from them. I've been criticized  looked down. I didn't let it hold me back or knock me down.
I got better and did it my way. Stopped seeking approve stopped caring who likes me because the loyal ones have your back. Rather then let the doubt sink in I decided to move on without them. Tell them nothing because they'll always find something to use against you they could feel like they have control manipulate your mood.
I don't agree so I accept the role as the black sheep. I had an opinion doesn't give them the right to be jerks. I refuse be mistreated. What are you going to do not talk to me. We are already there. Slander my name what other lies are you going to say.
Telling the kids not to talk to me because you have a grudge that's right. I was always good to them treated them like my own. That's hurt I live with but sacrifices i respect your call.
I'd talk things out but things will never change. Staying away is easier than denying myself to be liked and accepted. I respect your decisions please respect mine. Easier to be alone someone is always mad. I don't mean to disappoint other the worse is when I disappoint myself trying to do what I love and what makes me happy.

The worse feeling is you are genuine
While dealing with liars that will BS
Being open and honest means nothing
Placed on the back burner time to walk
Now the solution to all the problem
Made out to be the crazy one for standing
While the rest did nothing let it crumble
Kept out of the inner circle better off without
Still doing the work with maximum effort
Pride taken in the work ethic being solo
The group of bullies playing victim
After slacking off getting caught up

He wrote about what bigger him and how ir made him feel. He worked hard and came up short. He had to come up with a better plan back to the drawing board.
He wasn't afraid to try most of all he hated feeling like it was a waste of time. He gave them his all in the end it wasn't good enough. He would ask what he did wrong or how could he improve always open to learn and grow.
He changed for himself so many wanted him to be someone he's not or be the old him. He had grown there was no going back. He hated feeling stuck just trying to level up get to the next level.

Forgive give the heart peace
Move away grow on your own
They made their decisions
While you still have choices
All the voices go silent
Able to breathe feeling free
Rise above the bad
Better than being mad
Cuts are deep mentally
Sharp with a clear mind
Spiritually free emotionally
Good vibes from the heart
Space and time to heal physically
The change for better begins to show

Learning his lesson after being hurt
Scared to be with the wrong person
Been hurt not trying to hurt others
It came to an end now its too late
Not a debate cant change
How they feel mind is made up
A broken heart needs time to heal
Apologies no one is forgiven
Things won't change too proud
Remain the same too stubborn
Egos clash killing love no remorse
A dueling romance the final dance
Departing starting over again
Something new next chapter
After being treated cruel
Bettering yourself for the future
Learning from the past aftermath

The hot summer weather was cooling
Hot nights becoming cold and fresh
Escaping the overwhelming heat
Writing enjoying a fresh cup of coffee
Clearing the mind of overthinking
Music plays in the background
Preparing and getting ready for the day

He made fun of himself and the setbacks. Being called a college drop out his mind racing. They talk about him he battled addiction. Hated sitting in AA it set him straight. The break up broke his confidence he had a few breakdowns making the most of things. He wanted it but kept working against everything that opposed him. His rebellion worked more than being a rule follower.

I respect when others go through stuff but they have no right to take their frustration out on those that dk what's going on or not part of the problem that caused them misery.
Spreading it to others in a time; where people don't say sorry. If they do the apology is not accepted, but a tool to hold a grudge to valid their righteousness.
It's easier to walk away than stay and argue with them because they take on roles pretending to be someone they are know with guilt and power trips. Always had respect even when they cause a seen to manipulate using humiliation. They need to stay in their lane because they don't know the inconvenience to get the job done.

Not worth getting worked up over easier to talk about it. Process everything thankful for the friends. That listen able to share with open up without feelings and emotions being thrown in your face. Lightened up over others actions and behavior not responsible for them. Been responsible for how I communicate participate doing the job in and out make that money. stay strong positive through those difficult moments.

He entered the room and felt weird. He would mingle with the crowd but still felt like he was being watched. He made eye contact with an old face. Her eyes pierced his soul; he didn't know what to say. They had a bad fall out, they both dreaded the moment. He was uncomfortable never thought this would happen. He smiled and said hi. Her cold eyes would show him no emotions. They both made mistakes one forgave while the other held a grudge. So much history in the end it didn't even matter it all fell to pieces.

Part of you dieing embracing the new
Missing the old changing with age
Asking if the sacrifice was worth it
It didn't happen before was stressing
Now it's all going down overwhelmed
Inspiring others to do more
Stop setting for less focus on progress
Always changing for the better
Sad people still see you the same
And made no effort to never change
Lost weight to get healthy feeling better
Not always social over backhanded complements
Pursuing a dream reinventing yourself time and time again

Been seeing things in a new light
Going strong be honorable doing what's right
Failed but learned so I can grow
Many encounters to gain experience
Not always going to be liked but love myself
Happy for you why can't you return the favor
Did my best aim for more not settling for less
So much disappointment from fake people
Only one keeping it real so much hate sent my way
Cut off negative vibes or dealing with negative people. Detoxing from all the fakeness
Truth and realness fills my heart
Maybe I don't belong; do my best to hang in survive the rush keeps me alive
Did extra came up short not the whipping boy anymore
I'd help you but you keep walking into danger
Blamed myself because I couldn't protect someone who mattered in my life
Now we grew apart doing our own thing

The weather has changed from hot ton cool summer year round where is the winter weather
Too hot to wear a sweater that's meant for the cold
Hot chocolate sounds good but put on hold waiting for the cold
This never ending tan the sun is too much need some rain to hide the tears in the coldness
Wash away fears down the drain
cold makes me think clear focus grow strong
Cold weather is better just lighten up

You get it out tell the truth. Everyone tried to shut you down, keep you grounded. All you want to do is take off get to the next level. Listening to the negativity made the world numb. Blocking everything out a clear mind.
Learning to cope deal with these emotions and feelings. Being a child a cry baby told stop being a ***** not able to express yourself because parents dk how to deal with you. Told to tough it out plow through. Put your head down get through to the end.
You miss out because you are distracted by getting it done. Trying to make it happen, be the one. who did it because they said it couldn't be done. They didn't believe in you so it make you want it more. Writing is a voice, doing the work getting closer coming up short. It's like a puzzle trying to complete it from all angles and with the right piece getting closer to completing the whole picture.

Love hate for work
Talking about school
Everything gets wild
Thinking about school time
Too much crazy going on
Wanting to help not need
Getting busy with goals
Everyone comes back appears
Needs something didn't bother before
Always tired trying to work it in
Time conflicts jujitsu becomes a thought

The day we met hard to forget
Asked you out with no regrets
Loving you holding you close
Hard to let go one day my heart will show
Something real starts to grow
If it's fake it will die and fade away
Can't hide it anymore it's killing me
Open heart it glows feeling alive again
I can can't remember certain moments
But will always remember you it feels right

He was use to being hated because they'd rather knock/exclude since he wasn't a follower, or in check like everyone else. They'd never accept him because he had an option. He was tired of taking their crap in silence when he speaks up they make him out to be a villain for not being part of their scheme.
All terms and conditions got annoying if you asked them they would act like you're ruining their life or plotting against them. While they cant win alone so they gain numbers trying to turn everyone against you for not caring.
After showing interest and still kept out there was no reason to stay it wasn't worth it anymore. He moved on the more he stayed away the worse they got. If he made a mistake it would be held against him. If they made a error they'd expect you to turn a blind eye over all the double standards.

I published my new episode turtle tank #75, please check it out
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-w66pp-9cfe77

He was the bad guy rumors spread
By people who had no say or control over his life
False narrative to justify their harsh behavior
Trying to manipulate others to do the same
He gets why people cut the cord
Why you should match energies
Not let them drain your good vibes
Changing for the better not less
One minute the are behind you
Hyping you up now they oppose you
Not taking them on or bothering
You helped them while they were down
Now their up trying to knock you like if its some kind of trade off

He never denied his roots but did question someone of them. He felt they went against him he didn't expect anyone to give up on their beliefs but knew it would cause a conflict of interest. He wasn't happy making other people happy. When he was happy they wouldn't be happy for him. Having to pick family or his lover, why can't they coexist. He was in love but the family so judgemental. Never there when he needed them, why should they have a say.  Why did he care so much. He had to unlearn and learn somethings so he can try to keep his world from falling apart

Fired from the first job what made it worse was he let his cousin down.
Getting beat up at work to lose the second job by an older lazy coworker
Ever job and life lesson learned changing not meant to be the same
Tired of holding onto bad it never gets good or better
Just positive thought and optimistic thinking is close as it gets
Moving forward years being stuck stuck in the rut

Waking up tired
Composing myself for the day
Turn the coffee *** on
Creamer in my cup in the mug
Waiting to pour a warm delight
Taking that first sip
Getting the energy to take on life

Asked what hurts you
Family was the response
Siblings that never get alone
Bad communication assuming the worse
Everyone thinks they are right
Only when they need something
If you can't help forever holding a grudge
Cussing you out expecting respect
Thinking bad behavior will be rewarded
Not able to open up using it against you
Manipulate others slander your character
One sided arguments better to walk away
Called delusional for being an individual
Sensitive for having an opinion
Speaking and standing up for myself
Things never change remaining the same
It's easier to keep a distant then get involved

Sadden that a childhood friendship ended over a girl. One had a casual encounter while the other was in a relationship. This girl came between them. One developed a habit while the other was lost in transition. The struggle within not easy to adapt. Hard to adjust when things are constantly changing. A friend who was a life time friend became a complete stranger. Trying to find balance through all the transition.

Learned to work from the bottom and rise up so many want to start on top. Put in the time work for it there's way more to it. Sometimes its technical other times physical. Building yourself up for each level prep for every step. People come and go the right ones have your back. Regardless of conflict of interest. Some get mad and hold a grudge. That's the end of the chapter after being cut off. Moving on is the hard part once you let go it gets easier. Be open to learn grow and new experiences.

A young college chum fell for a softball girl he wanted her to be the one in his future. Turns out he wasn't meant to be in her plans he was one of many. It ate him alive knowing that she was with someone else after him seeing it shattered his heart.
The betrayal made him immune to pain like he was expecting it to be a forever thing. He was a fan and went to her games turns out he player her games and got played. He didn't deserve the foul treatment but couldn't handle the curve ball life threw his way.
Over time healing learning to love and trust again such a cruel world full of toxic people trying to manipulate his kindness. He stood tall most of all alone not letting anyone take him for granted focused on what he loves the things that made him happy. A new book to write starting a new chapter no control of how things ended. Now able to make decisions without others wicked imposition.