He *** depressed not waiting to do anything. He didn't play with his bass. He wrote with his true feelings. He was always up beat and positive, but all the toxic around him infected him.
He was always thankful and grateful others had way more blessings. He didn't want to quit or give up on life.
He thought about jujitsu but was fighting with his health issues. He wanted to get back on the mats. He did too much and got burnt out or he did extra feeling it wasn't enough.
Some days he wanted to scream punch the wall be free. He felt okay but something was telling him it's over. He fought his way out resisting the the mind tricks. Trying to stay above water like he's drowning being pulled under. Trying to survive while others lived and some died on borrowed time.

He never denied his roots but did question someone of them. He felt they went against him he didn't expect anyone to give up on their beliefs but knew it would cause a conflict of interest. He wasn't happy making other people happy. When he was happy they wouldn't be happy for him. Having to pick family or his lover, why can't they coexist. He was in love but the family so judgemental. Never there when he needed them, why should they have a say.  Why did he care so much. He had to unlearn and learn somethings so he can try to keep his world from falling apart

They assumed you're going to run
Just because they did you *****
Doesn't mean anything on your character
Not noticing or paying attention to them
Or what's being said behind your back
You're not going that way
Not feeding into the chaos
Never talking about them
A waste of time focus on being productive
Not use to being alone and have grown
Learned to focus on the work not drama
Work harder with your whole being
Than give into the distractions

Sometimes he filled the void and took on all the burdens. He thought it would lead to opportunity, so many detours roadblocks.
Left with doubt emotions are shot not sure how to feel. Cared too much it was never enough.
Once he stopped caring it was hard for him to show any interest or emotions. He wasn't about that life anymore. They robbed him of it then tried to give it back. The life he wanted he couldn't have. He was tired of the compromise settling for the alternatives. Made the most of it didn't care to fit in, or belong.
Got deep in thought lost in the transition over the years.

Training is hard work paying off keeps the mind and body sharp. Tired of being ignored dismissed because everyone. Spoke up seen as crazy or overreacting. Saying things that were never saying twisting the truth into lies. They don't listen expect everyone to obey. Another moment of truth denied showed emotions to have them made out to be issues. Explained to people, who don't care. Its your problem they'll make it worse.

The hot summer weather was cooling
Hot nights becoming cold and fresh
Escaping the overwhelming heat
Writing enjoying a fresh cup of coffee
Clearing the mind of overthinking
Music plays in the background
Preparing and getting ready for the day

I published my new episode turtle tank #75, please check it out
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-w66pp-9cfe77

Focused on the end beat clock
Lost in the process to get there
Knowing what needs to be done
Get it done in a timely manner
Trying to live up to the hype
Maintain the high standards
The young inherits the elders work
The next generation taking over
Glad to see them retire enjoy life
Applying the passed down knowledge
From the bottom to a lead role
Mentally prepared for the task
Feeding the spirit feeling empowered
Emotionally determined to make it

People run their mouth and have no clue what they are talking about. While you mind your mouth and get provoked. Once you speak up have an opinion you are the bad guy. You have confidence they'll see you as mad or like you are in a bad mood. Half the time your mind is where you don't want argue but they are clearly wrong trying to taunt you because they think you aren't going to say or do anything about it. When you do they play victim make you out to be the bad guy. Taking on the odds what does it matter.

Obsessed with work it broke this heart
Showing up do the job and going home
Getting a life outside of this old building
Reaching out to old friends  
Should meet new people to befriend
Most have kids or married
Hated being the third wheel
Doing my own thing always mattered
Being my own person on the go
No one speaks on my behalf
I don't belong to anyone rolling solo
Sometimes it feels right filled with doubt
Once it goes wrong ready to escape
It all fades away miss what was
Not caring about what it has become
A failed mess Obsessed with the best
Stuck settling for the worse getting less

Putting forth effort so much energy that needs to be matched. After a failed relationship or two learning to say what you want what you're looking for. It's not a one sided venue anymore. Lots of trial and errors in the process.
Learned so much from failed friendships that made one doubt his judgement because he seen greatness within them but got their worse. Why did they think it was okay to try and BS everyone because they aren't getting their way or what they want taking down others because they are not happy.
Get back in the grind years of being told NO being told it didn't matter. Did way more than most staying strong through those tough hurtful moments. You shared your passion pursued it while others sat back waiting for you to fail or step aside riding others tails to step out steal the spotlight.
Bouncing back from all the crazy always trying to be better make this situation better than before. Love family but they aren't supportive or believe in you. You believe in yourself stay motivated stay stronger than the rest. You hurt the most but hide it. The pain can be intense masked becoming immune to everyone and everything. You lead while everyone is giving up quitting ready to walk away. Digging down deep stepping it up be the guy not leave it for the next.

A young college chum fell for a softball girl he wanted her to be the one in his future. Turns out he wasn't meant to be in her plans he was one of many. It ate him alive knowing that she was with someone else after him seeing it shattered his heart.
The betrayal made him immune to pain like he was expecting it to be a forever thing. He was a fan and went to her games turns out he player her games and got played. He didn't deserve the foul treatment but couldn't handle the curve ball life threw his way.
Over time healing learning to love and trust again such a cruel world full of toxic people trying to manipulate his kindness. He stood tall most of all alone not letting anyone take him for granted focused on what he loves the things that made him happy. A new book to write starting a new chapter no control of how things ended. Now able to make decisions without others wicked imposition.

Listening to hits the music lost in the vibe
Feeling the bass empowered by the lyrics
Taking you away from the complicated reality
Makes more sense than others drama
Causing a smile remember a better time
Certain people come to mind another time
Watching people change the music is forever vibing alive surviving

The deciet creates doubt
Questioning the judgement
On who to trust character mistaken
Not able to read the person
Thought one way acted another
Writing down these feelings
Hard to understand express
Not sure what to do with them
A clear mind Not be distracted
Blinded by detail noticing things
Trying not to obsess over the flaw
Focused on what was right

Losing a loved one
Makes you want to be better
Honor them by stepping it up
Seen so much been around the block
Keep working hard find purpose
Make it meaningful still at it
Live life to the fullest be more
Overcome setback rise above the hurt
That degree so close yet so far
One class at a time one loan at a time
Missing the mats a white belt
Working towards blue
Missing being on the field coaching
Working with the youth develop
Being a mentor to those who need guidance

His hear beat like the drums in a punk
Spoke the truth like deep rock lyrics
The music spoke to his heart
Feeling connected and alive love within
Instead of excluded in a crowded room
Rejected because he didn't follow or care to be like everyone else
A rebel heart that beats strong
Rolling solo not into the fake crowds
Walking alone in the silence
Music makes the world better

He wrote about what bigger him and how ir made him feel. He worked hard and came up short. He had to come up with a better plan back to the drawing board.
He wasn't afraid to try most of all he hated feeling like it was a waste of time. He gave them his all in the end it wasn't good enough. He would ask what he did wrong or how could he improve always open to learn and grow.
He changed for himself so many wanted him to be someone he's not or be the old him. He had grown there was no going back. He hated feeling stuck just trying to level up get to the next level.

Changed over the years
Some stuck in the past
College life was a daze
Adult life always working
Working hard for insurance
Facing new obstacles that out
Leading to new opportunities
Eating certain foods cirrhosis *****
Life has changed liver disease
Praying for the better
A healthy love life for once
Not being around toxic people
Learning bass growing the skill
Can't remain the same

Being old school is better than what's going on today. I don't agree but respected it. I understand it's the next generations time. Never a roadblock mind my mouth and business.
Growing up being told don't do this or don't act like that. Different times and social standards. All the taboo is socially accepted or being praised before it would be checked or stopped.
Now a days lots of imposition let people be themselves with being labeled or judge. While everyone uses labels to keep people out acting like it gives them the right to justify their behavior and actions.
Everyone is entitled to believe or feel a certain but don't force it on others. That works for you doesn't mean it's right for others. I wonder how can we make society coexist because peace will come if people would understand and accept instead of make up rules and pretend they know the answers of you know as it gets made up and BS along the way.

Playing kick ball body still aches
Mind feels young but the body reacts
Being able to open up is new
Speaking up and being heard is new
Working hard and appreciated took time
A whole new experience growth
Compared to jobs that don't care use you
Usually professional doing the work
Not focused on drama or distracted by outside factors

Holding on to the old life
It was all that was known
Letting go of the old life
There's no going back
Live with soul it starts to show
Life goes forward changed over time
Broke free from bad vibes feeling alive
No longer connected to toxic behavior
"It will comeback to them"
Is what I keep telling myself
Minding this mouth being silent
Keeping to myself  avoiding fools
Doing my own thing appreciating life
Most of all minding my business
Failed attempts lead to something better
Gave up on a relationship lost all value
Not good enough no value over the pain
Focused on gains moving up in private
Working in secret being behind the scene

A year of insanity things might
Go back to normal not so much crazy
Less pressure tired of feeling divided
On the outside looking in
Not stressing social structure
All this talk causing frustration
Being told its wrong so much fuss
Taken into consideration
Now someone else is doing it

It ***** when certain family members try to knock you and think you're going to listen to them. I don't have the energy to deal with people that try to take their frustrations out on me.
I'm done it been years of tolerating false narratives being outcasted. It doesn't matter anymore find people that value your opinion and don't make things personal. I love family but don't tell me how to live my life. I made mistakes and learned from them. I've been criticized  looked down. I didn't let it hold me back or knock me down.
I got better and did it my way. Stopped seeking approve stopped caring who likes me because the loyal ones have your back. Rather then let the doubt sink in I decided to move on without them. Tell them nothing because they'll always find something to use against you they could feel like they have control manipulate your mood.
I don't agree so I accept the role as the black sheep. I had an opinion doesn't give them the right to be jerks. I refuse be mistreated. What are you going to do not talk to me. We are already there. Slander my name what other lies are you going to say.
Telling the kids not to talk to me because you have a grudge that's right. I was always good to them treated them like my own. That's hurt I live with but sacrifices i respect your call.
I'd talk things out but things will never change. Staying away is easier than denying myself to be liked and accepted. I respect your decisions please respect mine. Easier to be alone someone is always mad. I don't mean to disappoint other the worse is when I disappoint myself trying to do what I love and what makes me happy.

Hard to sleep, deep in thought
coped with things never the same
My mind a place that is home
Inner peace within not interrupted
Writing late feels right, a cold peaceful night
The fan blows the cold breeze
The moonlight sets the tone
Not one to argue, writing has become my voice
Not always the hero in others story
Mind my mouth getting heat from others
Spoke my mind now it's time for the third degree
Worked hard made it fun time to let go
Over stayed the welcome can't do anything
Let go find something new full of promise
Hopefully it is true worthy of staying
Over bouncing around being a drifter
Different places that are not a fit another change
Random faces never the same bad with names
On the open road driving takes away the pain

When you change your diet it's rewarding
Going back to bad habits is self hatred and torture
You've grown and moved on self improvement
Saying good bye gets easier when you choose peace
Slowing down so much on the mind
It's all hype it breaks down once analyzed
Can't go back to back bad habits
Keep up the progress no longer toxic
They made up their mind so don't bother
You write your story control your narrative
Eventually things work out get better
Put your trust in God do not losing faith

Loud thoughts a quiet mouth
A racing mind full of emotions
Trying to find the words
Say it right Be professional
Opened up not use to be heard
Not use to being understood
Excluded appreciation for solitude
Focused on writing to calm the nerves
Organized the clutter that's pent up
Should've said this or done that
Lots of conversations looping
Had a moment to speak a load off
Dk if anyone heard but told the truth

They expected too much it was never enough
Just wanted to be himself never approved
But made him out to be someone else
He loved to joke things got personal
Had an opinion got ignored reserved himself
Easier to be silent than cause a ruckus
Stayed out told not doing enough
Provoked not giving trying to be at his best
Learned to mind his mouth and business
Being hyped up was all new
He use to everyone bad mouthed
All he wanted was to be hired full time
Always giving his all with out doubt
Focused on the work trying to make it better
Easier for himself if others benefit a bonus
Not a fan of brown nosing maximum effort
He wanted it working for it behind the scenes
No one took a risk gave him a chance

He loved his family but didn't like them trying to tell him how to live his life. Especially they didn't have their stuff together.
He didn't have kids so he could go out with no curfew. Being single could be lonely but he had the freedom to date and see anyone he wanted.
Anything he did seemed to bug them. He had a type who knew skin tone would be a factor but old family traditions they wouldn't approval.
All he did was work he wanted a life outside of that before he'd work hard and they'd make him feel like it was a waste of time
Now he's working hard and actually getting props and the credit he deserves. He was cutting people he didn't agree but still respected them. While those opposers made everything personal because they can't debate so they slander his character.
He missed them but didn't belong he thought he made a mistake but things are better and feeling right. It's better than expecting the worse.
He was honest with people while they through lies in his path. Becoming detours because they needed to be the center of attention. He walked away and minded his mouth one of the best moves

Been doing good, tired of feeling like I don't match up.
Been giving my all, sometimes I burn out no time for myself
Keep coming back for more
Struggling to survive
Struggling to get by without my thoughts consuming me
Trying to not let my emotions get the best of me
The problem is I care too much and will give my all and much more
Find away nothing can keep me down or turn me away
Might cut some slack but not turning my back
Hanging in my room trying to figure it out
Writing is the only way to get it out
Held back but not one to knock others
Pick them out help them be better

Being the lead trust your skills
Able to do the job best of your abilities
Be an example be part of the team
Not make an example of others
Share and pass your knowledge
Teach everyone there's no excuse
Why it's not getting done
Being more consistent
Finishing strong efficiency

You want to leave but no where to go
All your friends have grown
Some married no time for the single life
Others have kids with more responsibility
Reaching out to old faces that are now older
Unted at youth divided with time
Remember those days and wild moments
Before life took off everyone focused on their situation
Some have more others barely getting by
The struggle some love more than one
While others are learning to love and alone
Use to go out now not bothering anymore
Life changed sober but not over just begun

Woke up to cold weather this made his day better
Over the scolding heat hoping it would rain
The clouds fluffy and full gave him hope
Wet days are better filled with joy
The rain would wash the bad vibes
Feeling cleansed after the season passed
The smell of wet dirt this would be alright
Growing grass full of life after being dried out
With all this year around summer
Another season needed a turn over the burning heat
Moist and refreshing giving inner peace
Stay calm and enjoy the weather change
Like a good book just turn the page

She entered the room the world stood still
Her smile made me lose my train of thought
Mocha skin tone that had a glow
Curl hair like curly fries long curls
that looked wet and shiny in the light
Her curves and thick caught my eye
Once we made eye contact a charged vibe
The heart skipped a beat felt alive
Anxious to know more but can't talk
As she walked closer everything went grey
She stood out the world blocked by tunnel vision
She said hi to make conversation
Lost in those eyes her kindness a surprise
Two world's became one for the moment

He was getting older and it stressed him out he had white hairs. Some people looked through him and never took him serious he knew things but had to dumb himself down and hide who he was to get by. Writing was his way to vent get it off his chest. He gave up what he loved to work to be responsible. He wondered if he still had it. Challenging himself to better but road blocks detours distraction hard to stay focused.

Warned by peers but looked the other way
Thinking you could offer good
Everything that was said is true
Only if they knew you're being true
Told the truth against a blank stare
A cold awkward silence was the response
They did you ***** dishonest words
Why do they expect you to feel bad
Asking WHY trying to make it right
It will never go back to being the same
No emotions turned away saying it will be okay

The day it all came out All the anger
You loved the job but all the bs rules
Contradicting double standard was infuriating
Respect for the older gentlemen but those rules trapped in your mind
Never good enough maximum effort no emotions
Giving your all your everything all heart no glory
Determined to win a rigged game
Trying to be perfect stopped by flaws
Never complimented or given props
Always reminded the mistake the mistake always pointed out
Every flaw noticed made all the effort lose value
Stopped looking for a approval tool charge
The only one doing the work going strong blocking out the bs from the lazy

Glad to have one or two reliable friends so much betrayal disappointment trusting the wrong people. His best friend got with his crush that's where it all began. Another close friend tried to make the moves on his GF another reason he got sober. He showed them love and all they did was bad mouth him. He became forbidden fruit and it lead to more problems. He didn't talk about anyone that tried to destroy his image.
He didn't hype those haters or trigger them not walking into their trap.
Turned away let them have everything but it wouldn't be the same anymore. He let them have all the tainted things because he moved onto something better.
Letting go was easier than holding on. He didn't **** up or brown nose. Showed love and respect to those who treated him right. Those that kept him out he went where he could be himself not bother with anyone anymore. If he couldn't be himself; he didn't belong there. If they made him fight for his spot it wasn't worth it even after proving himself worthy.
He didn't believe in ******* up or brown nosing he busted his *** worked harder and gave his all in his work. He stopped taking it personal and getting personal focused on his work.