Feeling the beauty in the chaos
The double bass connecting to the heart
Metal music calmed the edgy nerves
Wasn't the same dealing with others
It drained life while music gave strength
Writing was his message in a bottle
The reader cared the bottle is opened
Dancing with the struggle waltzing through

Complain doesn't nothing
Talking about it things get ignored
Back to old habits trying to make changes
Destroying yourself in the process
It's a lost cause your like to give purpose
Feeling depressed dk how to act
Doing better health wise
Not into people feeling sorry
Overall the doubt tired of being shrank to fit in
Giving up who I am to be liked at work
Everyone talks bad about one another
Then fake to their face acting like buddies

Pondering ideas letting them go
Asking why can't that be me?
Does it matter does anyone care?
The to do list grew and full
Started seeing it and making it a reality
Make it fun heart all in or nothing
Trying to make something outta nothing
Sharing fun stories to make people laugh
Storytelling getting lost in the moment
Reliving the story from the past
Triggering old emotions and feelings

His crew was gone everyone departed
From beer with the boys a wild life
Divided by women growing up
Some got married had kids family first
Now a family man being responsible
Others developed a drug addiction
Bad habits an alcoholic to numb the anguish
Learning to cope with the torment from within
After being cheated on dealing with heartache
Being put in the middle forced to choose
Between a relationship or friendships torn down the middle

Learning to deal with conflict
Most of the time it ends ugly
No discussion or second chance
Passion caused chaos maximum effort
Doing what's right staying true
Spoke up after being ignored
Caring more than most being an example
Trying to be a team taking the lead
Running things solo being the grunt
I don't hate anyone over bad communication
Hoping to make sense of the misunderstanding
Feeling uncomfortable mixed with shame
A mouth full of humiliation the aftermath
A new scenario same place

His love for her was strong but he had his doubts. Usually Minding his mouth because she was sensitive. She would pick fights and argue, he was alert since he didn't say or do much. She'd accuse him of cheating but he was always around.
When he went out it was rare; she would blow up his phone. Assuming the worse, shes the one, who made up all these rules that didn't apply to her. He trusted her and when she went out she would blow up his phone.
Asking why he didn't call her. He told her you wanted to go out have fun while he composed himself.
The relationship was difficult feeling like he couldn't do anything right. Time away was appreciated even though he had no clue, how to fix this failing relationship.
Struggling being told "I love you" after being emasculated and felt like his feelings didn't matter.
He knew it was time for a change. It was a power struggle to end things she wouldn't let it be over.
Eventually he'd shut down and she had to be the one to end it to feel superior. Being set free not sure who he was and what he wanted after being in a toxic relationship he had to reinvent himself.
Staying sober getting himself and his crap together because his friends bailed on him since it was hard to balance friendships and a relationship. Put in the middle of an awkward situation. Wishing everyone could get along and coexist with out being forced to choose a side.

Trying to feel it see it before trying to make it a reality. Sometimes it can't be seen but does happen. Wondering about that life even though it doesn't happen right away. Was it worth it does it matter anymore. Weighing in on all the burdens the sacrifice that would be made.
Giving up what he loves thinking something better will turn up giving up things that mattered asking what priorities will contribute or cause backsliding moving forward is hard after being anchored down. Free of the back breaking weight learning to move without feeling tormented by the past wanting to move without an coming back to claim him like abandoned territory because someone new came into his life taking him serious not playing games.
Meet new friends that don't talk **** because he was trying to bring them along but they decided to peel off to do their own thing that blew up in their face.
Find a partner family will accept instead of being put in the middle having to play peacemaker while his relationship went to crap trying to keep everyone happy. Making time for everyone but they never made time for him. Expecting him to care for their feelings while they belittled him for opening up speaking the truth.

Swimming in this cluster coming to terms set free from it all. Can't change the past been focused on the present make a better future. Not always going to be liked, or agree with one another. No ones talking about you, stop talking about everyone. Not listening to bad vibes disconnected from negativity. Not trying to manipulate others for a selfish gain. Always giving even when there's nothing left. Working hard trying to maintain.

Interview for the job told I was wanted to be the guy. Turns out it was a lie, loyal to the wrong people. All the anger and frustration wanting to spread the hate. Meant for better not going to over react walking away the noble way meant for something better.
Finish old tasks get back on track lots of projects that need to be finished fond peace and close. The person who did me ***** acting like I'm the one who did wrong.
All the humiliation and shame feeling mocked like everyone laughing at my pain. Choosing peace over sinking to their level staying in my lane. Working my time slot going home doing my part going home.
The new person incharge dk my work but quick to call me inexperienced. I was doing more than the lead now I'm at the bottom ready to start over somewhere new.
All the lies spread to knock me down quick to bounce back from this detour. So many lies causing setback rise up with the truth.

The day it ended tears were shed
Wondering where and why it went wrong
Thought it was a happily ever after
It was over no second chance
Never forgiven eyes of hate
The hardest part is forgiving yourself
One day but not in this life time
Addicted to her love can't get that fix
Detoxing going without healing overtime
The self destruction didn't help situation
Making things worse pushed everyone away
Blocking it all than facing reality
Distracted by work keeping positive
Felt worthless and unworthy
Seeking to be whole never going back

People are not going to like you or agree
Keep your head up
Keep doing your thing
You smile because you're happy
Glow because you got it
Deflect the hate ignore negativity
Never settle for less
Walk with faith feel great
Feeling good vibes within
Head up with positive strength
Don't listen to others that envy others
Walk away from the drama
Especially if its not yours
Do your job and go home
Count your blessing
Learn from those lessons

Wanted to write stories talking about the struggle. Internal conflict trying to resolve it all. Always taking on the world other peoples frustration hiding behind it so hard to open up. Always seeing good in others over trusting. Always protecting them but they are quick to blame others than own up. He made jokes at the wrong time tried to see good with the bad.
His opinion was ignored or shut down now they expect him to go along with their madness. He preferred to be alone they called him rebel because he wasn't one of them and didn't care to be one of them. He got along with everyone; he didn't respect people who talked behind his back. If they said it to his face, it might've ****** him off but he appreciated the person for it.
As he listened to music looking for inspiration but learned to live life and share stories. Even with the condition everyone has been through everyone has a problem or going through something.

Now that you are gone
Things will never be the same
The glue came undone
And will never stick right again
Never the same just memories
Pain sad to see you go
Your light helped everyone grow
Focused on the good over the bad
Seen it through made it to the end
Thanks to your influence

Staring in the mirror practicing each line
The monologs bouncing around in the back of the mind
Want to empower others not argue or fight
Couldn't share or have an opinion just writing it down
Use to show you love not wasting time anymore
Hearing the hate in your voice bringing everyone and everything down
Use to go out of my way couldn't take that pain anymore
Accepted the role as the black sheep
Walked away instead of being personal and deep
Don't wish that hatred on anyone
Not passing the torch took the burns
Let it end faded away doing something

Everything came to a halt now he's helping family. Not use to being home always working doing something. Writing helped maintain insanity put things in to perspective dhe to a series of unfortunate events.
Never about money and treated people. Always doing favors never expecting anything in return the moment you aren't able to, they treat you different. Act like you've never been there the whole time. Its the worse feeling after helping them and never took a cent.
Made time to be there to help them now they put you on the outside looking in. Waited on deck to claim the wrong make it right. Moved on now they try to tell you when they wanted nothing to do with you.
Thinking they care but only when its at their own selfish benefit. Then send you packing.

He woke up felt what's next? He was trying to grow but didn't feel stimulated but numb. They broke his heart he his it showed no emotions. He just shut down didn't waste any energy on them. He felt betrayed by these people he admired them emotionally invested in them. They used and lied to him he was done. Fed up by the deceit. He wondered why no one  owned up quick to have issues or being sensitive.
They deflected his feelings rejected his ways off life. He didn't need much to be happy made the most of things. So weird and crazy. Never having time to deal or feel

Telling your feelings to a screen
Sharing your emotions
Some days it hurts really bad
Not sure how to feel
Or how to react anymore
Had an opinion now someone is mad
Spoke my mind another person is offended
Said nothing keeping the peace someone is running their mouth
They don't like the person why are they talking about them constantly.
He don't talk about anyone behind their back
He usually said it to their face telling the truth
While they lie pretending to be someone they are not
Writing to go numb be able to sleep
Those heavy burdens kept him awake
Use to being pushed out got familiar with being alone.

He read poetry in his room
Hoping to find love escaping doom
Peace and closure feelings ran deep
Made it easy for him to sleep
Laying in his bed clearing his head
All the loss had more meaning
All the victories short lived feelings
An internal struggle that was real
Another short deal now healing
Giving it all is never enough
Getting older making it tough
An adult heart conflicts with childhood
Not the same from the neighborhood
Come so far people can't forget the past

Writing the truth coming to terms moving on trying to shake this funky mood. All the double standards they got it all trying to control others life making them miserable with their opinion no one asked. Pretending to do a good deed in it for their own selfish gain.
Making a scene because they think, they are right. walking away not trying to argue or fight. They are toxic trying to justify their wrong. Fuming from the frustration all the anger stood tall won nothing just a waste of time same old BS a fool for expecting change

Not always going to be liked
Not always going to agree
had an opinion, and now everyone is mad
told the truth, now you're holding a grudge
looked out for you now you're coming at me
I wish we could coexist
Talk be civilized find a common ground
Instead of going at one another

An open heart fueled with passion
Some make it hard being complicated
Trying to match energy not be drained
Giving my all to the best of my ability
Avoiding the rumors believing in us
I saw a future with you
No one is perfect try to be better
Everyone makes mistakes
I've seen beauty in your flaws
I'm not perfect or quick to judge

Times are changing from close to disconnected by betrayal not able to trust or rely on anyone. Straight up to your face cold to you behind your back.
Out of respect said it to the persons face its an insult when words circle back around. Can't pretend things are fine when the person violated your trust all the disrespect is unforgivable. Walked away not saying anything the lies playing victim once caught up.

After a long day trying to relax with family everyone is sensitive about things. Its like you can't say anything but have to live up to ridiculous hype and standards. Being yourself is all that matters. People are always judging because you don't agree or do things different. You can't please everyone all you can do is what makes you happy.
He always had a hard time apologizing because his apology is rejected. He place boundaries to have them ignored is disrespectful. He just wanted to be able to speak his mind without having to walk egg shells.
While others criticized him he didn't say or do anything but got tired of the ear load that came his way from people that tried to pressure him to be someone they made him out to be.
He knew what he wanted and what he was doing. Don't impose or tell people what to do that false hope causes more conflict making things more complicated

He was blessed and thankful
Sadden his own people opposed him
Against him he was not one of them
He refused to do their corrupt biding
Thankful for the opportunities
A change to finish all those projects
Get them done set new goals
Finally get a win after a dew losses
A clear path after so many obstacles
Overwhelming detours and set backs
Asking what he wanted to do next
What's needed so he could be happy
Putting himself first for once
Years of waiting feeling devalued
Thinking they'd come back start over
False hope for failed ends a redo
Hope of an alternative the outcome
Why can't it happen he asked
Use to things not meant to be
The haunting past fading triumphs
Focused on a promising future
New encounters with personal growth
Prepared for a new promising journey

Monty grew up with that mobster never go against the family. As he got older family would go against him. Cousins that would give him attitude because they ******* up their life.
Monty was single and some of his cousins stayed in bad relationships because they had history or used the kids as an excuse. He didn't have much, but helped out his grandma paying rent.
When Monty struggled to get a a job everyone was mean, and disrespected him. He would find out the truth everyone that gave him crap, never contributed a cent. He took pride in paying rent to help his grandma.
As he got older he was more responsible and reliable while the next generation would try to talk down on him.
He wasn't a dead beat father with three babies mommas. He worked for his, while everyone talked like he owed them or like they did him favors. He worked hard and busted his *** earned everything he owns.
Monty was never materialistic a cousin who owns a house doesn't have the right to talk down or bad on anyone. He respected they own a house but it's about how you treat people. His grandpa cosigned when he passed everything was a nightmare.
Everyone thought they could fill his shoes but no one has the right. His grandfather united everyone would resolve conflict where these power hungry ******* divided everyone.

He felt used only when they needed something he became a thought. He took on the burdens but he didn't want to do it anymore. He trusted them but their actions said otherwise.
He learned to process his feelings and emotions. Stopped looking for approval. Doing his own thing. He stopped texting first his phone was for music. He tried to put himself out there not easily received by his peers or crush.
He wanted more than friends with benefits. Hoping it would lead to more. Tired of being placed in the friend zone. He was over all the one sided friendships and relationships. Feeling unworthy not good enough He deserved better.
His peers bad mouth him behind his back never to his face. Always held him to different standards.

The moments that changed his life
His brother murdered in cold blood
Watching one of his own place in the grave
Betrayed by his best friend that moved in on his girl
A friend he seen as a brother bad mouthing his character
The girl he loved lusting around
Seeing her with someone else
Ate his soul alive drained his good
Hurting trying to infect others with that misery
He let it die with him starting over learning to love again
Years of feeling nothing trying to get right with God
Walked away from a meaningless life
Pursuing a meaningful life with purpose

Asking why and getting lies
Avoiding eye contact
From being loving to distant
Mad seeing one another with someone
No one wants to talk playing games
One open and honest the other lies
Reached out hand slapped away
Cutting off ties no sign of hope
From friends to rivals no one knew
So disconnected no one has a clue
People instigate ruining the friendship
While one wanted a relationship
Everyone departed to another life
Some got married had kids
Others achieved success working
Finished school got their dream job
Living in their dream house

Never thought they'd do it to you
The day come they had nothing on you
Trying to change how others seen him
It didn't bug him because he was use to being alone
Hard to open up his feelings would be used against him
Make out to be a joke while being serious
Hurt that the ones he valued made him feel useless
Looked out and got burned in the process
Hard to trust easier to disconnect than associate with anyone

Sometimes you find it in others
Other times you need to find it within
Other times you take time for yourself
Taking risks doing what you love
What makes you happy it feels right
You laughed and smiled it felt right
Feeling accomplished achieved glad to be doing it for myself
Over being lost with ways that don't make sense
It's always what others want others structure
I've followed the rules and broke them it's never in my favor
The day you said I couldn't I did
The day I failed it ate me up but still alive
Determined to make it feeling like myself again

He couldn't make them happy
Their misery made him sad
Ruining his plans to fill the void
Being a team player feeling played
Told to be a man get it done
Ignored on the old side looking in
Feeling excluded discouraged by them
But when they needed a favor h
He was an idea or considered
Taking on toxic machismo
So many lies and contradictions
Picking up everyone's slack overwhelmed burnt out
Don't want to do extra
Afraid to let anyone down
Fear of seeing the team lose
Trying to help hate to see them struggle
Working harder not one to surrender
Earning every cent trying to get ahead
Working for respect since nothing is given

Writing his story asking who would appreciate this or would find this amusing a boy forced to grow up and as an adult still figuring it out. He didn't have any role models mostly the stuff he seen on TV. He thought any life was better than the one he was born into. His family was not what you saw on TV. He expected and wanted more out of life.
He did some of the traditional things but felt like part of him got lost/stuck in the transition. The more he wanted in they kept him out. When he walked away after being excluded they had the nerve to say he was head strong had a bad attitude delusional because he had goals and dreams. They couldn't help him, so he got it else where.

He didnt have pull going against the odds never in his favor unless he's doing favors. Overtime life took its toll on the go. Slowed down hard to find that moment and go. Didn't say or do anything gave them no reason to talk. Hard to open up didn't like being manipulated his feelings and emotions used against him.
He knew to not get involved, do his own thing let them talk. Relapsing feels like the world is collapsing.

The power hungry egotistical couple expected and demanded of others. Some had less but happy; while having it all wasn't enough. He was single no kids made the most of things thankful made the most of everything. He was use to the number opposing him since he had freedoms but kept it simple. Any move or comment bothered them because he didn't want to take an ear full or let their labels keep him down.
He was working for his everyday not seen as the best but working hard giving his best. The merit on hid shoulder got him more hate. He learned to just do not talk or be scared he learned by doing. Took constructive criticism well and worked to earn his spot. Even if the deck was rigged not in his favor he work to win them over he never made it personal but took what was suppose to be done serious.

Trying to find love with all the wrong people
Between the lines a response to the lies
Ignorance is a bliss trying to get it twisted
The projecting not holding any truth
Chew out comments are ruthless
A silent mouth not reacting or responding
Writing to drop the burdens
Not being weighed down an escape route
Being baited into the trap free from the past
***** it he was out even though there was more criticism.
He had changed so they would leave him alone
Now they are on him again it was right
He stopped drinking and moving forward
He didn't want to argue
Everything becomes an obstacle
When it could've been a simple yes or no
He didn't tear people down
But he got an ear full didn't take it to heart
He was growing not how others want
But there was progress

People set in their ways
You Ask them
What do they want improved
How can this be better
Questions no one asks
Trying to raise the bar
Everyone talks about change
But makes no effort to do so
Because it leads to more work
All the complaining it doesn't get done

Depression told him something was missing.
Anxiety told him he couldn't do it
Taking on the world felt like everyone was against him
He didn't want to argue being provoked
Walked away since everyone was looking for a fight
He minded his mouth an emotional eater
Lost in his feeling because of all the hurt
All the frustration couldn't take it anymore
Asking for help opened up hard to trust anyone

That macho BS among men
Some act like they don't need help
Others try to do it all too much pride
Some are just there making the most
The situation changes more crap
Making right others mistakes
Sometime you matter filling the gaps
Once they get their way set aside
What they want taking credit
They don't need you feeling robbed

In the chop getting a haircut can be therapy. Cutting away the old a fresh new look
And the new could grow in change over time
From your old shop to other locations
Not the same hard to trust with your hair
Paying the tip the barber accordingly
Thankful for their skills willing to go back
Reference new customers to help business
Hoping to be a regular for generations
Making a fuss about doing it invested in them
Broken trust never going back there again

He didn't have time to hold a grudge
Not talking about anyone it was dumb
He was focused more on his job
That had it's up and downs for days
Thought about asking the cute girl out
Change his career he was tired of settling
Thinking they changed but expecting to much
Only nice when they needed a favor or they wouldn't bother
Cutting out family doesn't make you right
Doesn't make you a better person
Some conversations needed to be had but that's not right to exclude anyone
Sometimes it's not about being right but doing what's right
Eventually it feels like everyone is against you making a stand sometimes it's a lonely road
While pretending everything is okay makes it way worse than before
Forgiving them and moving on is easy
Getting close and trusting is another
They'll try to bury or expose you while you've done nothing wrong.
Having an opinion gets you judged and treated different
Not a problem paying for things but when you demand name brands
And have deadlines for a potluck it's unsettling
Cared you had problems rather than help the situation things got made worse.
The power given doesn't mean people owe you or you own them. Letting that go to your head talking bad about others while you do the same thing.
Trying not to say anything but hard when you are being taunted and provoked. Definitely not seeing eye to eye or on the same level

His hard work was paying off. Setting new goals being told by his mentor he might be the boss one day. It was a high honor complement. He did get them but was still not use to it. Others quick to point out the flaw instead of give props for all the effort.
Working in a team leading by example open to grow and learn everything not one to wait on anyone. Hard to rely on anyone but made himself reliable this was strong towards his work etiquette. Working with a team that does their part that doesn't pass it to others.  He said "Don't leave it for the next guy, be the guy, who gets it done, make it happen.

Walked up to the receptionist filled out the paperwork. The fish tank making relaxing noises. Need to talk get these looping thoughts out my head break the cycle. Talked to friends but they have problems; that shadow mine, that are more important apparently.
Really bad at expressing myself usually direct and straight up.