The obsession to go back and fix the past, things ended accordingly; the way they were suppose to. Most didn't end on your terms but fought for a lost cause. At the time everything served meaning and purpose. Haven't been wanting but have been looking. Things use to be new filled with excitement  now things are dull. Expect too much end up with disappointment but expect nothing things seem to have some interesting outcomes.

Looking in the mirror staying optimistic. Thinking of getting back into the social seen in his late 30s thinking it might be different. Since he wasn't the same as before. He knew better knowing his choices could make him fall back into bad habits.
He thought about dating but felt too old for the crowd. He missed his opportunity with people his age but was learning to network hopefully find more like minded people which was harder to do now a days.
He worked hard for his and no one seemed to match his energy. He gave more than most and others never put forth any in return. Not sure what he wanted since he was setting new goals. It took a while for him but he made it to somewhere better. He was only going forward not looking back.
He would remember things that made him hold back scared to be in the same boat. Making the same mistakes taking a deep breaths composing himself. Staying sharp and focused resetting his feelings and emotions to not fall back into those bad routines.

He was use to being hated because they'd rather knock/exclude since he wasn't a follower, or in check like everyone else. They'd never accept him because he had an option. He was tired of taking their crap in silence when he speaks up they make him out to be a villain for not being part of their scheme.
All terms and conditions got annoying if you asked them they would act like you're ruining their life or plotting against them. While they cant win alone so they gain numbers trying to turn everyone against you for not caring.
After showing interest and still kept out there was no reason to stay it wasn't worth it anymore. He moved on the more he stayed away the worse they got. If he made a mistake it would be held against him. If they made a error they'd expect you to turn a blind eye over all the double standards.

You put yourself out there getting to know a person. Turns out they're not who you thought or what you made them out to be. You believed they were better but only getting their worse.
Trying to be vulnerable in the seas of broken trust. Swim in the water of love that's contaminated with lust. The mask of lies is removed to expose a hidden reality.
Seeing the beauty glow but once inside its toxic infecting others by draining them of their individualism. Trying to control others worlds by destroying them instead of making theirs better.

Wearing a mask
Staying away from all
Alone writing feeling safe
More risks insanity in public

Use to be angry over betrayal
Learned to forgive and forget
Momma once said get over it
Treat people right earn respect
So many are petty over BS
Made a promise to not be like that
Do what you know and love
Feeling complete with a humble life
Not take things personal walk away
They don't know you only assumptions
Staying sober not going to relapse
Walk with faith no time for hate
Forgiving for inner peace
No time for an internal grudge within
Stop being jealous mad over the past
Trying to be around show love
Making it easier to walk away

She was my friend starting a new chapter in her life. She once asked me why I never asked her out. I heard your problems and all your weakness it would be wrong to know your flaws and pursue you. I had you at your worse as a friend all I can do is be there for you. We could not be anything more our friendship was rocky you dated guys who hurt you and took you for granted. While I had my drinking problem and partied way too much. I was a chapter in your life but now you venture to a new journey. Glad you found love and found someone who will take care of you. You did great while I worked twice as hard and barely getting by. We smiled and laughed cried together but those are memories of the past we departed went out separate way. I'll always be happy for you and believe in you.

He was hating work then he noticed her. He smiled but she couldn't tell he was wearing his mask. They locked eyes smiled with them. He hadn't felt or thought highly of anyone. Always in doubt trying with all the wrong people.
He didn't care for his job working with a terrible lead but seeing her made his day better. The winter weather the rain set a tone. That felt magical and festive.
All he wanted was love but grew up with tough love. Everything had terms and conditions going through so much giving up who he is to be with someone that was never satisfied.
He seen something new and different didn't want to fall back into another bad relationship.

They made eye contact the spark was there but was it with it. Smiling at one another. He had been in a few failed relationships and didn't want to go through that again. Why was this so hard for him.
He couldn't dump them They dropped him so the process could continue on. Asking for what they wanted and needed to be happy. He was still trying even when he got the cold shoulder listening to her talk about an ex or other person of interest.
He showed interest it wasn't enough. He didn't want to force it but things weren't coming natural. She was looking else where instead of taking in what was going on right before her eyes.

He was annoyed he didn't need to be fixed. Minding his mouth most of all his business trying to be good made out to be bad.
While the wicked would lie and heat to get ahead. Knocking others claiming credit being a lazy soul ******* *******.
Never been materialistic valued people
They doubted him all the time
Told him there was someone better
When he was hired on it was insulting
Now hes the only while the originals
Looked out for their own some bailed
Others had health issues get well
He was left doing it alone dependable
Standing tall no help being reliable
Not sure how to feel or react
Giving his all and extra better change
Making it better the right thing to do
So many mad set in their way
Still mad when change is going on
Never had it all or together earning it
Made the most of things thankful
Some have it all given and handed
Miserable when one thing goes wrong
Its never enough complicated
Doesn't make sense always grateful

Slander by his friends
Others expected the worse
Feeling like his name cursed
The failed love is the worse
Broken from his circle
Ventured out on his own
Once cared to fit in
Use to being left out
Excluded from the rest
Doing his best gave his all
On call waiting for the phone to ring
In his personal space needing a favor
Had an opinion judged for his differences
More personal attacks no one had his back
Gave so much and did as much as possible
Tired of feeling like it wasn't good enough
Or whatever he wanted would never happen
Come true right away living over pain
Good thoughts instead of dark memories
More UPs that downs over setback detours to get there

The struggle within was real encountering others make things more complicated sorry there is conflict at home. Not taking or dealing with your frustration.
All the blessings making you an ungrateful ******* who is quick to throw shade at others. Everyone has problems but focused on my own

Writing it down clarity of mind
Noble friends hard to find
Easier to let go no need to control
Took in the pain slowly immune
Bad memories remain okay with them
Use to being ignored not saying much
It's become normal staying away
Not going to stay or beg not wanted
Being a whole over being divided
Not giving up to be accepted
Not holding a grudge living
Doing things without hassle
Over all the terms and conditions

Able to write it down
Silencing the voices echoing
Tried to program doubt within
Attack insecurities to feel secure
Manipulate the mindset more regret
Meaningless vibes not giving in
Family is the world feeling like an alien
An outsider looking in not understood
Don't always fit in or belong anywhere
Speaking when spoken to treated like a child

Comfy in his own skin he was tired of others trying to manipulate him. He wanted to be himself that's all he wanted. They tried to twist his feelings and use his emotions against him. They couldn't talk to him so they talked about him once he called them on it the tone changed. He didn't care to get personal focused on his work took pride in his work while others tried to politic themselves to the next level. Some would debate but the work spoke the truth. He didn't make a fuss or bother with the people who made things personal because they tried to cheat and cut corners to get ahead.
He liked to work made the most of things and made it happen with what was given.

Life my change embracing this opportunity
All those long hours filling in the void
Had to go through the steps to be heard
Can't cheat doing the work for years
Cut corner been going through the motions
Ready for the next level not skipping steps
Taking them one at a time the process
Everything will be fine over time
Keep working for what's mine
He never said anything out of respect
Feeling he needed to get it together
So many act up and done nothing
Talking loud doesn't make them right
Knocking others doesn't justify anything
He was done feeding into the carnage
Quit focusing on the negative vibes
Doing the things that matter
That needed to be done consistently
He didn't care about what others said
He knew what he wanted out of life
How he felt not letting others influence his behavior
He was worried it would never happen
Many things might actually fall into place

He was ******* himself when things didn't go right. Wondering where it went wrong life doesn't always make sense. He could figure it out get it right now things are sick twisted than ever. Doing what's best for himself without being seen as selfish. He was selfless putting others first before his own needs. Gave up things, so he be there he feared missing out.

Doing your thing
No one cared it didn't matter
Or be happy for you
Keep motivated working
Stay strong inspired to go
All the dramas not worth it

Trying to feel it see it before trying to make it a reality. Sometimes it can't be seen but does happen. Wondering about that life even though it doesn't happen right away. Was it worth it does it matter anymore. Weighing in on all the burdens the sacrifice that would be made.
Giving up what he loves thinking something better will turn up giving up things that mattered asking what priorities will contribute or cause backsliding moving forward is hard after being anchored down. Free of the back breaking weight learning to move without feeling tormented by the past wanting to move without an coming back to claim him like abandoned territory because someone new came into his life taking him serious not playing games.
Meet new friends that don't talk **** because he was trying to bring them along but they decided to peel off to do their own thing that blew up in their face.
Find a partner family will accept instead of being put in the middle having to play peacemaker while his relationship went to crap trying to keep everyone happy. Making time for everyone but they never made time for him. Expecting him to care for their feelings while they belittled him for opening up speaking the truth.

You cant day anything they try to twist your words. Make you out to be the bad guy when they are doing, or have done worse. Trying to cancel you out change erase history to justify these new made morals and standards. Raised differently compared to today sensitive society. Trying to tell people how to act when they dk how to act right themselves.   Never been one to hide behind a computer screen spoke up said something. If nothing got done just focus on getting your stuff done.  That hard work over political debates because so many can BS their way through trying to dump in on someone else.

Learning to deal with conflict
Most of the time it ends ugly
No discussion or second chance
Passion caused chaos maximum effort
Doing what's right staying true
Spoke up after being ignored
Caring more than most being an example
Trying to be a team taking the lead
Running things solo being the grunt
I don't hate anyone over bad communication
Hoping to make sense of the misunderstanding
Feeling uncomfortable mixed with shame
A mouth full of humiliation the aftermath
A new scenario same place

He'd wait for her but there is no going back. Trying to heal find closure years of obsession. Asking where did it go wrong? Wondering how to fix things make them right. Its too late not going back. This growth over time learned that things wont happen again. Being able to move on things are not the same.
Not every relationship or friendship will be the same. More selective trying to make the same mistakes. Overcoming many obstacles not empowering egos or taking on power trips. Hard to trust anyone now a days.  Failed made mistakes trying to bounce back better

Not sure how to feel what to think
These behaviors are unhealthy not right
Talking on their teems can't even say hi
The tension and awkwardness
Not one to kiss *** abide by made up rules
Not in the same department stay in your lane
Said hi use to being ignored
Don't care for the power trip
Keep running your lip make it easier to split

Doing what you love when they don't want you. Expect you to be someone you're not. They try to keep you out but you find other ways to do it make it happen.
Feels like they don't want you to excel acting like you need them or need to go through them to make it. Didn't ask for approval just trying to grow in the craft.
They have this ideals that are not in my favor expecting you to live up to these standards, they aren't even living. I respect they've done it but I'm still doing it and pushing through.

He sat across from her at dinner
Couldn't help but smile
Nervous inside he might say something dumb
He was truthful out of respect
Mouth might get him in trouble
He was excited for the chance
An opportunity to get to know her
All he wanted was love to be natural
Didn't want to lose himself in the wrong person
Not forcing it looking for something real
She smiled at the conversation
Her laughter was soothing
Gave him hope he got joy from
They walked together sharing funny stories
A life time experiences that moment treasured

Feeling the beauty in the chaos
The double bass connecting to the heart
Metal music calmed the edgy nerves
Wasn't the same dealing with others
It drained life while music gave strength
Writing was his message in a bottle
The reader cared the bottle is opened
Dancing with the struggle waltzing through

Complain doesn't nothing
Talking about it things get ignored
Back to old habits trying to make changes
Destroying yourself in the process
It's a lost cause your like to give purpose
Feeling depressed dk how to act
Doing better health wise
Not into people feeling sorry
Overall the doubt tired of being shrank to fit in
Giving up who I am to be liked at work
Everyone talks bad about one another
Then fake to their face acting like buddies

Dried tears lead to strength
A broken heart heals with love
Falling doesn't matter get back up
Being told NO still doing the work
Working harder than the rest
Proving them wrong standing alone
Fighting to fit in still don't belong
Easier to walk away than force things
Would rather be an individual
Never been a follower keeping distant
An outcast looking in avoiding drama
A trail blazer on a lonely path
Thought highly of those oppressors
Never wanted to be like them
Placed in a box to their liking
Loved for staying silent dieing inside
Hated for speaking up having an opinion
It will comeback for the slanderous talk

Family is the heart
Grew up around tough guys
A lifestyle we're uncles served time
Talking about your insecurities
Making everything our to be a joke
Expecting to be taken serious
Years of being made fun of you gain hard skin
As you get older you joke back
They are sensitive and can't take it
Your family less fortunate judged harshly
Seen as the black sheep
Family doesn't agree with fathers partner selection
Every family has dysfunction, but quick to target yours
Love always came with terms and conditions
One minute you're in the citcle
Next minute your out with no say or control
Sometimes they love you feel part of something
If your submissive to their ways
Make you proud to be family
Around that tough love that drains your soul
Other times they slander your name

Pondering ideas letting them go
Asking why can't that be me?
Does it matter does anyone care?
The to do list grew and full
Started seeing it and making it a reality
Make it fun heart all in or nothing
Trying to make something outta nothing
Sharing fun stories to make people laugh
Storytelling getting lost in the moment
Reliving the story from the past
Triggering old emotions and feelings

From being the problem
Now providing the solution
Healing from the bad
Awake feeling better
Life breathed into the soul
A smile that brightens the day
Eyes glow with purpose
Begun a new staying true
Focused on doing good
Away with the negative cruel

His crew was gone everyone departed
From beer with the boys a wild life
Divided by women growing up
Some got married had kids family first
Now a family man being responsible
Others developed a drug addiction
Bad habits an alcoholic to numb the anguish
Learning to cope with the torment from within
After being cheated on dealing with heartache
Being put in the middle forced to choose
Between a relationship or friendships torn down the middle

Dealing with a snake keeping a distance very rude and uptight always with the cold shoulder but when a favor is needed the person is constantly asking for favors never to repay them. Pretending to be nice after they get what they want they slither away.
Talking big acting like he does the work the **** is quick to dump it on someone else abusing their so called power. In the wrong trying to justify their crude behavior as right.
Sad how people act when they are worse off instead of being better. Talking down and treating others bad once you speak up they play the victim. Try to turn everyone against you because they didn't get their way. Violating your personal space because they need something.
You'd think because the person is older they'd know better. Dealing with elders that are set in their ways. They expect you to change but not making any effort to improve the situation.

They were best friends it all ended over some smack talking and a girl. Those glory days are over not talking about anymore. Learned to bite the lip and walk away. Forgave for peace and closure. It ***** when people you love come at you. Try to blame for their faulting mistakes, so they can feel superior feel empowered. I think about the people that fell off, I respect marriage and children. If it was for that what would they be doing. Don't look down on the single who lives his life. Who sometimes drinks too much has fun because work is their only responsibility.
Most don't have it figured out but do their best to make the most of things better their situations. Some have help well others work for theirs.

Didn't want it anymore burnt out
Found inspiration within the struggle
Young and dumb to knowing better
It all matters hard to pick and choose
Family love is tough growing strong
Meant to be something more
Forgiving yourself not living in regret
Older and wiser staying humble
Taking the lead role no one wants
Use to take the heat rising above it all
Taking on challenges never back down
Respect the process grow into greatness

He didn't fit in but wanted to make it
Take everyone with him be better
Didn't have much poor with family
Trying to do right stay loyal
Everyone doing worse not trying
Praying for them to get sober
Didn't do drugs staying away
Didn't want to relapse kept a distance
Not saying anything made up false narratives
Staying loyal being truthful
Not enabling manipulators

The love he desires was hard to find
Someone he could trust not a lush
A real connection with someone true
Instead of meaningless lusting
Tired of one sided being treated cruel
He remained loyal yet faithful
Even though accused of cheating
Taking all the blame to make it work
Immune to the pain becoming numb
Knowing its over not playing dumb
Heart letting go moving onto growth
Mind blocking the distracting denial
Focused on the truth ready to improve
Be better without compromised love

He put in work back and forth with the gloves going through the motions. His memory was sharp. He felt free from all those things that burdened him. The people who didn't believe, or think highly of him.
Clearing his mind doing it for himself. Even if he failed, he had to prove it his worth. Prove them wrong shut them up. He knew his abilities was tired of the extra pressure tired of being set up to fail. He gave his all even if it's not enough. They'll call him sensitive because he cared. They'll make him out to be entitled because he had a different perspective.
He questioned things and everyone was mad because he didn't follow or mind his mouth since he didn't agree. He wouldn't turn a blind eye the truth was told now everyone is mad holding a grudge. He didn't want trouble but they came at him when all he wanted was to be fair. He felts wiped out and pushed it did hurt but he learned to be okay with it.