When people say no I want it more
If they say I cant ill prove them wrong
Doing things that they say couldnt be done
Feeding those urges being confident
Hated for the truth
Brushed aside for being honest
Give my all and come up short
I hate that feeling
Im thankful and appreciate change
My motto dont fall back into bad habits
Be better never settle for average
Be the best live life to the fullest

He's my best friend
Growing up always told me stories
Inspired me to write
Be funny entertain a crowd
Hard to impress but work it
Once you get a laugh or smile
He's my hero
Gives me advice
Helps when times are tough
Let know supportive
My career choice
Thankful and bless for this man

When I was young I didn't care just wanted my way
Now I'm older I barely have qny say
I use to lust now I'm learning to trust
Its too much pressure I can't handle
I fear commitment and hope to be better
Feels like I can't be me and nothing is right
Mind full of doubt and want out
Asked to be friends going without
It hurts but its not meant to be
Giving it to god he will provide
Id like to settle down but rebellious ways tell me no way

I remember being hurt because you denied my friendship
You are no friend for making me feel bad for caring
I've said sorry you hold a grudge and refuse to forgive me
I'm better off without you and found I don't need you bringing me down
I don't waste my time hating on others
We were close but grew apart I wish you the best do your thing I'm doing mine.
Wish we could make things right but like I said one day you'll miss me like I miss you if not
Just a thought our friendship was great memories that remain things between us will never be the same.

Years of verbal abuse
Mentally damaged to get the lesson
Emotionally detached from pain
Treated as an outcast trying to survive
Stay alive people leave
Feel abandoned never coming back
Not standing in the way
Depart wondering will paths cross another day
Reach out no answer
Many questions left unanswered
Change has begun for the better
Deep down something is wrong
Cries for help not answered
Learn to make it out of the clutch of guilt

As a writer I'd like to be a published author and write something different I've been told to write about my life and the struggle.
I thought I wanted to be a song writer but only I can tell my stories. If I could sing I'd do it but my voice is flat. I write rap but I'm not all gangster or about money.
I thought I could write country because of my stories  some reason my heat beats getting out my true emotions. I'm educated and just myself I have a sense of style but not going overboard.
I could write movies the plots are awesome but writing dialogue is like talking to myself kind of a weird feeling.
I want to do so much but the clock is ticking racing time hoping everything I do isn't a waste of time.
I was never popular but I know what I like and want that's all that really matters to me

Negative ppl **** me off
Dont be a ****** messing up my day
I apologize your day ***** but it's not my fault
You can talk to me or share you beliefs but dont impose
I didnt do anything so dont take your frustrations out on me
Dont shutdown my ideas since your mind draws a blank.
Take your bad attitude somewhere else

That moment when you think too fast
Make you want to yell or scream
Like a twitch making one react
Mixed emotions that need to be release
Rage or sadness
Make one act different from normal
Like an out of body experience
Sometimes the room shrink
You think you are growing
Or you feel tiny in the huge world
Invisible or silent feel like nobody notices
Hard to breath heart racing
Time is slow leaves you pacing
Of centered loss of balance
Hoping everything restored back to normal

Ive alway been a happy person I didnt grow up with much but I appreciate everything
I love beautiful women but they have an ugly core insecure and jealous im usually a victim allowing myself to be hurt so they feel better about themself
Growing up with tough love doesnt help doing so much for little effect. The dating world has changed. Ive been trying to find mrs. Right for me. Thought I came close but love is more than beauty. Its being able to understand one another flaw and all
Its been a growing experience I prefer natural you can't rush this process. I participated in casual *** its fun but feels meaningless lust over ppl who mean nothing its been different

Her eyes that have life
Legs thick and strong
Shiny fine hair
A smile that makes the heart race
Laughter that gives light to the darkness
Time together full of purpose
Goals and dreams so real
Minds made up pursing more
Only time will tell where well end up
Communication rich full of fresh perspective
Take it slow rush or wait things feel right
On my mind end of the night wonder
If she feels the same
Will she make her way back
Appreciate her companionship
And the time we spend together

i do my best to not hurt others
but they hurt you and those who matter most
you commit to someone yu dont love
mistake lust as love
stay with someone you dont trust
you workout but eat bad
you are sad but happy with misery
cheating because you think its right
arguin to make the wrong right
nothing is what it appears
i dont get it i wish i could understand
but you dont care how i feel or what i think
id rather get it right then feel all is wrong

Always fighting for a cause sometikes feels my life is on pause
Thinking of what to say hoping for that day to come
Doing my part hoping things don't fall apart
Changed my ways not going back
Feeling under attack because I know how to act
Know right from wrong don't let good give into bad
Shine for hard work and move forward be better

Stare of into the distance
Look into loving eyes
Gawk at a loved one
Stare down a rival
Always lookin at whatever crosses the eyes

I've overcome obstacles in touch with truth
The girl who got away overrated
Heartbreak that makes you numb and stronger
Hate blocks passion so overcome be better
Be more not settling for less
On my way not waiting
On this lonely journey
Find your way to the top
On the bottom gets old fast

Writing gives me wings I thought I could be a comedian go on a rant what I call a monologue. I found my stories are dark and twisted but the truth. Others don't believe the stuff that happens only if I has the ability to make stuff up!
I talk about beer *** and bad relationships what I wanted my 1st HBO special to be called. I use to be a wild child but now I'm older reserved more private. I like to make ppl even if it means laughing at my troubles and misery.
I've always been funny even though I don't see it. I'm not crazy crazy stuff just happens lucky me. I like to be on stage tell stories but the reactions usually fuels my ambition.

Believe the lies
That's on you
Follow the majority
Oppose those throwing stones
Spoke the truth stand in front of a firing squad
No trial choice was made death the only option
Not like the rest name mention others protest
Debate on fate that's great
No voice or say but if roles flipped
Everything would be delayed
Hate shows and grows
Not worthy of the hate of the fakes
Get cold reactions
Can't be hurt anymore
Hit rockbottom knock down
Won't stay down on the bottom

You feel the same but know you have changed
Others think your doing the same old routine
No more late nights partying
Wake up drunk you don't remember
No more hurting others with careless intoxication
Trying to figure out what went on
You hear stories and don't believe the actions
Lost control things happen
not trying to lose it anymore
Sobered up hoping to do good
No more waiting up with regret
Hard to forget but not going back
Alcohol in the body get a guilty conscience
You earn forgiveness redeeming yourself
Hurt and hate turns into faith and love
Bad to good sad to happy
Upside down becomes right side up
Avoid drama and arguing
keep the bottle out of hand
Avoid temptation find new places to be the bar is not where it's at

I want freedom tired of feeling obligated
Trying to make nothing into something
Love yourself before giving your heart away
Been with crazy the bs don't phase me
Tired of being an average joe
Feels like I'm not doing enough
Be a better man not falling back into bad habits
Escape be free be who you're destine to be
Figure out how to be better overcome the setback
Set life straight live without hate
Influence yourself not by others decietful ways
Hoping to get this if not get in and bail out

Sometimes you see yourself
Can't help but to ask yourself
Did you do things like that
But if you feel it most likely
It's too late it's been done
Appreciate on another
Never take things for granted
Single or relationship doesn't matter
As long as your happy nothing else matters
Do what you love let them talk
Feel good about yourself
Respect and take pride within
Smile and laugh true luxuries in life
Passion like fire keep it burning
Love your self others will go the same

Another night of pain
Jogging leaves the body sore
Immune to the training the rage
The better the body feels
The mind wants change
Demands the wrong be set right
All the faces turned their back
Now your moving forward
they lack on to hold you back
Tired of being promised lies
Trusting in others has lead to failure
Forgive those who treat you bad
That's not going to happen
Believe in others they do nothing
Others find love but reject it
Many have what I want wasting it away
Tired of being denied for someone worse off
Done good everything is bad

I don't get why others be happy
I'd be mad to if I boiled in my own misery
I like to laugh and smile while others are ******* and hate
Too many ppl like that not hiving them time of day
Get outta here take that else where
No more jealous insecure girls making feel I'm losing hope and faith
Negative ppl everywhere avoiding them too
The opinions mean nothing listen to your own advice
New friends be there till the end don't bail or leave me forgotten
Laughed so hard see your starting to hate
Spoke do confident you ask who you are and where the hell have you been
I never left I was just left out
Now I'm comeback now I'm standing out once again
I hope this never ends

I give my all in all I do
Tired of being judged I take care of myself
Give my even if others don't think its enough
Over the big ******* in the face
I'm respect even though others do me wrong
Be my friend when I need you not at your convience
Over all ppl opposing I bust my *** for respect earning my place showing I belong
Sick of others failed relationships being a fear
I won't commit unless its worth my time
Over hearing problems that continue to worse when solutions have been provided
I've accepted certain ppl won't accept me or see me the same
I prefer to be more overless working hard for progress
The results will come out of the process
I've made changes and sacriced over all the selfish ppl
Making me a target because they are a routine
I'm not giving up or letting up back to the basics

Quiet Friday night feels good and right
Time to get some writing done make it fun
Play the drums make a beat feel the music
Make others dance move on their feet
Tell a joke that makes others laugh and smile
Feels great like running the mile finish strong
Be yourself and you can't go wrong the truth sets you free be who your meant to be
Even if others don't see it for you only if they knew they wouldn't understand if they had a clue
I'd rather write than argue and fight
My expression no need to bite my tongue
Free of all the haters and doubters
That attitude I could go without
Night of peace heart full of easy
The lies you speak what a tease
Stay away from me please please
My Friday night everything is going right

Peace within begins once you stop caring
The one who got away wasnt meant to be
Realizing the people judging dont have anything going for them
They make you a target dont empower them or give them the time of day
Making things fun because it usually *****
Ignoring rumors because its better to be talked about instead of talking
Saying tears for those joyful moments
Rise and overcome believe in yourself
Stand by what you believe even if others dont agree
The feeling of accomplishment and achievement is a great reward even if others cant share it with you

Go for my jog
The track leaves my shoes red
Covered in dust
Doing my laps lost count
How many times I've gone around
knees burning pimpin my arms
Clear my mind focused on the goal
Keep a steady pace
Distance can't stop me as I approach near
The track is home getting my assignment done
Fit and sanity the time it takes to get this done
When I finish this jog rewarding and fun
Always sore keep going and ignore do much more

I get tempted to call but she wants nothing to do with me
Id like to hear the siund of her voice
I fell in love now she dont want to friends
I was good and things came to an end
My intensions wete good
Now im left feeling like im no good
I dont want just anyone
Getting my life together so I can be someone
It just ***** how you love someone who is great
Settle for less aim low but thats on her

http://nerdrush.podomatic.com/entry/2015-10-28T225142-07_00

Woke up ready to give them hell
So them that I wont back down
Never stay down let the shift in powers begin
Ready to dominate and win
The past is forgotten in yesterday
Living for today hoping god makes it my day
Moving forward not looking back

Feeling blessed thankful for the outcomes
I made it to the next level and keep going
Networking with ppl trying to put the plan into play
Found someone special taking it slow
Got a raise growing within the company
Sharing my vision making it a reality
Glad I'm able to do so not settling for less
Getting noticed for the change
My tone and attitude has changed
Sticking to what i m passion about make a living out of it

You are doing well things are getting better
Don't compare yourself to others or think you need to live up to their standards
Be thankful for what you have
Work for it making it wirth while
Comeback for more when you fail
Eventually things get easier
If things don't feel right only a matter of time
Good things come to those who wait
It's never late it just happens at the right time
For once I could stand tall
instead of others guilting for what I don't have
Ppl usually talk but now they can't tell me nothing
From being seen as low now treated different
I feel I belong after years of being kept out
New time new environment
everything falls into place

The moment love ends!
The fear of starting over
Thought of never finding love
Or feeling worthy of it
It takes time to heal the stubborn hear is locked
On the person won Denys and rejects you most
You can't replace it feels wrong
Others show love but the heart is reserved
Always thinking of what shoulve
Or wonder what couldve been.
Others unworthy of love
Because it's not true love
Moving forward is hard
But trust one day true love will find you

A night at the bar
I don't drink
So I found my way to the pool room
Keep my hands busy shooting pool
Frame then break the *****
Hit one in to decide
Stripes or solid
Angle the shot
Apply the right amount of pressure
Hit in the solids work to isolate the 8 ball
Once you hit it in you win
Play for fun not about the hustle
Play a few rounds win or lose
keep the game fun
Playing a drunk
Excuses why they stunk
Pool ques and blue chalk
Leave your mark on the loser

Sometimes life is a rollercoaster
Up and down fun that happens fast
Then start over waiting in the line
Some conversations great
On the mind get back on the ride
Waiting in line for a turn
The sun beating down what a burn
Like life people go through
wait to get what they want
The rush taste of temptation
A fix to feel adequate
Something that feels right
Hands free to enjoy the ride
No need to hide the feelings
All eventually comes out
In the end all feels like rollercoaster
Mixed emotions that make sense

You fight to be on the other side and find there's not much going on regardless of where you stand
I've always seen ppl unique and interesting even though there's not much to them when you hang around
I'd rather find my own way stand my own ground
Others test you but don't even test themselves
They ask you to be a certain way and they can't even live up to that hype
I've been on my levels the only level that matters is the one that makes me happy and rewarding most off all beneficial
It's not what I want or doesn't offer what I'm looking for so why bother
Too many times I'm detoured thinking I mean well but it's not good in my direction
Learning to say and decide on my own doing everything that makes sense and has a meaningful with logical reasoning
Not trying to be the hero or get applauded for stuff that should be doing or needs to be done

You ask for more
Will be nothing more
Some storie about a future
That you are not a part of
Disconnected feel unloved
Only if you could've
Things that would've
Or should've made a difference
Eject the lies the truth is now projected
How do you communicate if feelings werent true
Things ruined where do you start
Feels like the world is gallons apart
You don't want to lose s friend
That chapter starts while the other ends

you say yes other factors make you want to say no
you want to grow up others don't know
you try to change but they view you the same
this is your life and not playing all the mind games
you want a career not trying to get married or have kids
i feel that's the easy way out not for me or settling for less
you want to be more be better than what is given
you grew up know the day of power will be yours and you have risen
you've made good and bad decisions but learn the lesson of life
be right do right always be loyal to yourself before you do anything else
you've altered your ego to be accepted
you altered it back because you hated yourself
for being someone your not or meant to be
the ego is a power struggle within battling you when faced with sin and tempation

Know the level and skills of talent within
Not given a chance opportunity cut short
Risks taken others think he is mistaken
Not meant for this gig or meant for the part
Counted out brfore things start
Booed off not the stereotype
don't care to live up to hype
Different not the same trying to shame with guilt
Told never amount to sh•t
Just give up quit
Working hard to make it
Be legit with The passion
Doing all that was said
Backing everything up with truth

She's lost I hope she finds me!
The look from her pretty eyes
those eyes captivating locked on me
Her skin so soft she loves to talk
No jealousy or hate one another
nothing but respect love for one another
You hear her name and smile
Don't read minds not into mind games
Where this girl at in the world
Not in my world someone interested to know me
Don't change me accept me but I'm out if you reject me
Single to mingle so many ppl but so many lonely
Hope to find someone most of all the one

It feels like hating me is like a leathal lotto
Different days different ppl more flawed ppl trying to bring me down to their level than come up to mine
If its not a drunk aunt on my case I'd have mor respect if she was sober
It's my underachiever cousins ganging up on me
Maybe my adolescent  siblings trying to give me a hard time
My drug addict uncle going off on me because he doesn't have that fix
Over my divorced relatives hate on my happiness since I didn't make the mistake called marriage.
You act like somebody in my world but in others your nobody and have no say.

My heart wants to settle and be free
Always focused on making money
Id like to make it have more then enough
My heart hit the crossroads
I'm not easy to love but found someone who appreciates me
Its hard to love and grow together
Seperate lives become one
It feels right her flaws become yours
The problems we solve together
Be with me stop worrying about the ex
Most girls I say who's next
I stress when we are apart
Things are right when we are together
Lifes not bad but id like to make it better for us

New day new **** the struggle continues
Fighting for change hoping to be understood
I've been good doing all I should
Not trying to rep anyone but myself
Taking pride in what I do feeling alive
Writng gets out my frustrations
Helps clear the madness make sense of confusion

Good day watched movies
Getting through work woke up rested
I started writing more
Discovered my entries have potential
I need to find my way and style
Keeping to myself minding my own
Appreciating life no more being sad
Love all I have and ready to embrace the future
Im working on new projects
Bought so many books I need to start reading
Bouncing ideas im putting them in play

All angles and perspectives many views
Get it out clear the mind
Doesn't matter if it's right or wrong
By the end feel sharp and strong
Focus on what is important
Efforts towards goals
Achieve the dream
The reason to live
Purpose with meaningful vibes
Survive feel born again
New way of life that makes sense
Find more like minded people
That's help one get there
Just escape arrive to the destination

Hard to think for two worth it if you are true
You are a packed deal accepted that
I worry about your destructive ways I to have done the same
Pray we could work it out or depart bail out
The kiss made everything seem right
It ***** when you're out of sight
The things I write I wish I could say
Don't want it to play a role how you feel for me
Hoping to find truth someone else hurt you
I'm the one who wants to make it better do right by your side
Nothing to hide I could spend the rest of my life with youthe
I'm ready to family be more even if I'm not ready
Let's put a title on us and go steady
The though of you with someone else drives me crazy
Sick to my stomache squeezing the air out hard to breathe
Never to get it together tired of being whatever
Sayin is not the say as doing what I want
Losing you will haunt me
Being friends not tryin to pretend

I don't think it's right for anyone to tell a person to avoid family
A person should be the only one who makes that discussion
Sometimes they make mistakes
Other times they embarrass you
Blood is thicker than water
The family blood beats through your heart
You may not agree or see eye to eye
Loving one another is an agreement that should bring you close
Family looks out for you even at times it feels they are against you
The heart tells you to fo what's right
while the mind explores new ideas and emotions
You will always be loved by family even though they might hurt because they don't know how to express themself
Unite on holidays so one another love
Life gets you so busy you forget those close to you
Family strength and family judge all they want is the best for you

Know the material still told doing it wrong
This has become life achievement knocked
Or swept under the rug covered the shine
1st to do this everyone oblivious
Achieved the goal attention focused on the flaw
Broke the record others still needed to be passed
Compared to others not doing the same thing
Discredited for a championship only one with a ring
Medals hang out the wall pride and valued
Others see them as nothing to the own means something
Find the place where efforts valued appreciated
Respect earned not given
Not praised but hazed out

I'm the guy who likes to laugh
And tell funny stories
I could be the center of attention but it has consequences
It gives ppl an excuse to talk or twist your words
I've always dated the girl someone else wants but was never informed
I've been hated for being charming
I laugh at insults too many ppl ridicule and attack me for being different
The day I cross paths with ppl things get dark
I'm the guy who gives them reasons to talk hate me make it worth my time instead of wasting it

Like a bolt
Thoughts are like saving bonds
You eventually cash them
Get your way the proce is right
Come out even end up broke
Find out the ppl talking are a joke
They bully but can't fight mad at others
Turn out they can't act right
Words on fire burning passion
Melt them down to ash
Nothing left thats how they feel
Hate on you because you come real
Beat them at their foolish game
Don't get your way ain't that ashame

Starting new is hard how do you replace the one you love
Love is a strong word don't say it unless you mean it
Your heart let's go of the past so it could embrace the future
From a couple to solo its easy to think for one but to welcome another is a challenge
It can't be just anyone but someone who's loyal and true
Someone you could confind in and live with
Seeking for the one hoping to be much more instead of less

Today Or any day
I could eat it anytime
A sandwich filled a treat
Crunch creamy nutty peanut butter
Jellys with berries variety of flavors
Wheat bread and white bread
Apply just the right amount
Eat it with a cup of milk
Hits the spot tastes alright
Pb&j; any day sounds like it makes my way