Not always feeling this way analyzing compacted emotions late reactions. Not a **** up or brown noses working harder to shine from the bottom. Looking at the top can't stay down forever. A contender determined to be a champ, doing his best not settling for less.
Blinded sided side tracked working to get it all back. From down not out crazy enough to come back for more. All heart and reps drilling for killing the motions, emotions going strong on the go on the road never home.

Trying to do right everything went wrong
It went from a crush to a fling
Not knowing where things would end up
It was over before things got started
A ***** secret hidden from the world
Why can't it be in the open
The love felt had so much pride
On the outside looking in what if
Why can't we be friends anymore
How did this start where did it go wrong
Scenes in the mind stuck on a loop
Trying to remember for understanding
So many x factors not there anymore
Not in that place there's no going back

Fight to stay alive to be heard
Everyday a life or death situation
Hard to live pursue the dream
Dead inside become immune to toxic
Trying to escape hate give into faith
Others trying to dictate your fate
Pouring it into the universe
See what comeback this way
Energy levels draining slow
Good vibes positivity on the rise

He welcomed her into his world hoped, she wouldn't ruin him. All the things she liked about him that she'd try to change or it all turns into hatred.
He didn't read minds, she was passive instead of talking about things with him. She would be supportive instead of doubting him. Making him feel bad because her values and focus was different from his.
He wasn't the same in the relationship barely able to focus on himself, how can he function for two. He didn't get complements so he wasn't use to giving them out.

Missing his best friend
It ended over a lusting girl
They use to be a team
Have one another's back
One was sorry feeling back
The other holding a grudge
Throwing the mistake in his face
Giving up part of himself
Holding himself accountable
Still not forgiven guilty conscience
Not able to be in the same room
One kept silent let his rep die
With altered behavior never again
The other with bad habits
Mouth flapping spewing lies
Bashing others with manipulation
Departed different ways separate lives

Everyday being told what to do how to act be free without others trying to cancel one out for having their own goals and dreams doing it your way. Being told NO working for that moment treated it, like it was real, like it was life. Now the moment is here not afraid no backing down.
From crowd being kept out now its open feeling free from all the made up standards hype done pretending limited faded memories.

If he died he had the girl he loved once
His first day was perfect in his heart
A moment that makes him smile
His first time making the moment count
Once that came to an end
Making it hard to love again
Everything lost hype no longer a rush
He became closed off empty inside
Dating with a hollow heart was wrong
The girl who loved him was obsessed
A failed relationship accused of cheating
She wasn't the one but persistent
Never left got use to one another
Threatened by her mother it was over
No one approved it wasn't meant to be
She cheated blamed him for her actions
She lied expected him to be honest
It was over never gonna happen again
Never had a first date ended up together
She tried to force the moment
It wasn't natural or real faking it through

They tried to correct him that's what he felt and they tried to cover his guilty conscience. They dk what he's thinking or how he feels. He opened up they didn't listen or pretend to care. Made it seem like it's his problem. When things were bad they bailed on him left to fend for his own. Things are well all of a sudden they act like they were rooting for him. More roadblocks and detours

It felt like the world was against you some alway mad or hating trying to take you down. Once you stop comparing and blaming your self the weight of the world shifts away. Trying to make miserable people happy stealing your joy because they are never satisfied. Doing your own thing what you love what makes you happy.
After the heartache of thinking highly of others that don't value or respect you. Seeing the best in them as they project the worse on you. Breaking away is the best feeling doing it for yourself without criticism or negative nagging in your ear. Missing certain people but if they aren't good you don't need them bringing you down.

In his room writing letting it all out not holding on making room for things that matter. Focused on writing a book making jokes not taking life too serious.
His quit on the people that taunted him and brought out the worse in him. They cursed his name and thought less of him since he wasn't a follower. He'd rather do his own thing than be told what to do by peers who don't value him or his efforts.

He was on the outs glad everyone was getting alone. Didn't care for their approval since anything he did was never good enough. It wasn't his life or his problem anymore. Having other ideas kept him out not a fan of being told how to act or who to be. The idea of being watered down infuriated him.   Being rejected didn't bother him but all the expectation of others they didn't have his back but wanted a favor. It was insulting the nerve to insult a person and assume you are cool with a person.
It was easier to avoid and ignore a person than bother wasting your time. Sad how the hidden agendas are for their own personal gain. Smashing others ******* people to get their way.

Some people get comfortable disrespecting others but once someone speaks up or says anything they are quick to play the victim. Talking about others like it's their right.
Once you call them on their crap they are quick to turn it into a debate to justify their actions. Quick to knock others flaws never looking at their own.
Love family but they are the worse who needs enemies when family makes you out to be the bad guy for speaking up standing your ground.
Years of being treated different once you break free of their death grip. They'll never treat you the same or act differently towards you. They expect you to change but never make any effort to think what they've done but quick to make you look bad for what you've done.
They have eyes like a snake two-faced cutting the cord and staying away from them makes it easier to enjoy life. You got your path there's no overlap or getting along because one made it no one could be happy for you.
They expect you to give up your dream so they could feel adequate about themselves. Have to keep moving no stopping because win lose or draw keep going gain from the experience.
They taunt your mind making you disgusted because you trusted them seen good in them when it was all an act. They try to alienate you because they rather destroy your character than let anyone rise and shine greater than them.

He wanted to be part of their world seen as an equal. They pushed him out kept him so he did his own thing. He didn't have to prove himself and stopped seeking their approval. They always talk about everyone to distract others from their wrong doing. Staying away keeping a distance
Focused on training and learning bass guitar being more artsy and creative behind the scenes making his own way being a trail blazer

He was in a relationship and his female companion decided to confess her feelings for him. She made him feel awkward putting him in a situation he wanted but not at the current moment. He had feelings for her but he would remain loyal to his gf.
Why did they admit; how they felt, after he messed up, but he never knew he had a chance with her. He was a good friend didn't let his feelings get the best of him. He never acted on those emotions because he didn't like feeling vunerable or being used most of all being taken for granted.

He went to work and dealt with his useless lead that abused his power. Talking about respect but one of the most disrespectful jerks you ever met. The old school vs the new school trying to rise up but the older generation being a roadblock putting roadblocks and detours rigging things in their favor. He was tired of made up rules and social standards no one loved up to or followed.
People didn't like that he asked questions wondering why? Why is it like this why can't we just get along coexist with one another. They caused the conflict now mad blaming everyone but themselves for their misconduct. You can't treat people and no one deserves to be treated bad because they have a different opinion or knows more keeping them excluded.

Somedays you win
Take a beating, love to fight
The victory short-lived
Asking what's next mental stimulation
Looking for a challenge
Never accept defeat out
Sometimes, you lose focus
Gain experience open to learn
Life has plenty of lessons
Focused on the blessings
Live in the moment be present
Don't be consumed by the past

Why is it when you smile filled with joy
People try to **** you off runi the day
She loved his smile whiletogether
Now she hates everything about him
He wanted to put a label on it she said no
Told him she didn't want a relationship
A week later she was with someone new
He couldn't say or do anything
Once he moved on began to date
She tried to comeback be in his business
Who knew an old fling thar ended
Would stare down the new with jealousy
On with the new no going back to the old

Everything came to a halt now he's helping family. Not use to being home always working doing something. Writing helped maintain insanity put things in to perspective dhe to a series of unfortunate events.
Never about money and treated people. Always doing favors never expecting anything in return the moment you aren't able to, they treat you different. Act like you've never been there the whole time. Its the worse feeling after helping them and never took a cent.
Made time to be there to help them now they put you on the outside looking in. Waited on deck to claim the wrong make it right. Moved on now they try to tell you when they wanted nothing to do with you.
Thinking they care but only when its at their own selfish benefit. Then send you packing.

Breaking through the wall of writer block. Stay or go something needs to change. Turn the page new chapter can't read the same old stuff already know the outcome.
Time to change the good get stimulated new material.
They don't want to teach you teach yourself be better than those who doubted you nothing to do with you.
They dismissed your efforts and success but expect you to praise them when anything good happens to them.

Being a man learning to trust himself. Use to be scared to mess up and make a mistake. Facing fears a new obstacle of people with their own situation able to adapt to the situation.
Trying to understand usually focused on the work not drama or people but those set backs become detours and distractions. Asking questions not getting the answers tired of the run around. Learn to do it yourself the best of your abilities if they want it done another way. They could explain the changes and how it should be done.
Years of being excluded treated like a no one. Has been rewarding those people made it easier to understand yourself speak up say what you want because they have nothing to offer you acting like their shady behavior did you favor. Working quietly rising to the next level

Learning to deal with conflict
Most of the time it ends ugly
No discussion or second chance
Passion caused chaos maximum effort
Doing what's right staying true
Spoke up after being ignored
Caring more than most being an example
Trying to be a team taking the lead
Running things solo being the grunt
I don't hate anyone over bad communication
Hoping to make sense of the misunderstanding
Feeling uncomfortable mixed with shame
A mouth full of humiliation the aftermath
A new scenario same place

He loved her she didn't feel the same way back. When he seen her with another guy is destroyed him he felt unworthy. The betrayal was on a whole other level. He didn't fight because she never belong to him when he moved on she'd come back. It really messed with his mind. She told him he was a good friend then got into a relationship. She claimed to love him now that she's married he wanted to be friends now he gets why he can't be connected to couples. The frustration and complication.

Reflecting last year focused on the new
Good bye to old friends can't hold on anymore
Always reaching out reviving and reaching out over one sided
Tired of the two faced people
Talking about everyone
Acting like they are loyal
Learning to say NO over being used
Took too much last year
Taking on things that matter
Let go of those toxic vibes
They are draining not worth feeding
How does a person not trust
Trying to take a selfie
Pretending to be close
Can't speak truth but everybody lies
Why are people okay with that?
Try to trigger not giving it attention
Focused on goals that make sense
Make dreams a reality keep working
Stop being distracted by people
All grind no gimmick

More to life then doing the same old bull
Everything so boring need stimulating and new
Not holding back even though my mouth gets me in trouble
Bounced back not staying down so many entitled talking like I owe them to be honest don't even know them
When I was with my friends you always hating assuming the worse
Now your dating with someone less but I don't care you can have my blessings

Trying to live years of flirting with death
Being self destructive feeling unworthy
After being ill foot in the grave
Always fighting to survive
Praying not losing faith
Thankful for all the support
Before I felt like taking on the world
Not always liked that's okay
I'm fighting to survive not struggle
People don't agree that fine
Just doing my thing being me
I respect your decision
Making my moves get out of my way

Easy to move because of drama
After a while you stand your ground
You did the work put in the time
Do your part and go home
Can't please everyone
Not always going to be right
Make a fee mistakes lost in the work
Learning to express emotions other than write
Deal with those unsettling feelings
The path has cleared over time
Going through the untamed brush
People come and go with the season
Some have reasons like family and health
Promotions onto better careers
Retirement years of hard work to rest
Some are a key factor and hard to let go
While others its time please go
Some are not growing while others settle

They made him feel bad for working out. All they did was criticize him but they did nothing. He once valued them but had to put his guard up. He did all the giving all they did was expect. Only when they needed something he became a thought.
After being ignored and treated different he stayed in his lane they smothered him with their nonsense controlling ways. He gained more confidence called the BS in the end they'd ignore him or make him out to have a problem.
Never once did they think their attitude or behavior was a factor. He was admit his wrongs he hated how he had to walk egg shells to be considered. He did favors now they are talking and bad mouthing.

A new life a new love
Grew up ******* up
Not normalizing being low income
Working harder to move up
Don't always get the girl right away
But meet and find the right one
Haven't got the job wanted it
Something better on the horizon
After the quarantine there's more to life
Said there's more to life than work
Wearing a mask to be safe
Use to be a wild one living life to the fullest
Things don't always match up
Never line up accordingly
People flake so never making plans
Use to be free now stuck in a routine

talk about what you did, dont blame them. I don't want to be responsible for others. I don't expect much from others they expect everything of me. I'm not sure what to do with Bartab. I'm not that person anymore, I'm trying to get back in that mindset again. it's hard when you're not in that place anymore.
scared to get fat watching what I eat

That internal struggle within fueling the words to write. The internal struggle losing sleep refusing to accept defeat. Doing what's right not trying to argue or fight.
Praying others would try instead of campaign to justify their lazy. Holding a job hostage because you don't get a raise or not doing the work why expect change. Be the change make a difference so over all the nonsense all the defensive behavior because deep down they are wrong.
Too many people are proud to admit they are wrong and say sorry. It might not fix the problem but change comes from understanding. Trying to create lost in those moments. Over all the negativity and hate. Disconnected about to recreate those moments can't go back trying to give life to my imagination.
Scared go gain all the pain when it's taken away. Feeling unworthy too many did me *****. Sorry if I get too wordy. Learning to tap into the heart. Writing it becomes an art of what's floating around in this determined mind.
Asking what matters how can you do things without driven by hate insulted because others can't debate trying to bully you because of your beliefs. Not imposing trying to understand. I might disagree no reason to make me a target.
I'll keep being me something. I'll never regret because your mad you'll forget all the good that was done. Emotions like a loaded gun ready to go off.

Back in that space, feeling safe. Trying not to argue make a scene. Don't let those personal issues effect your work. Keep them separate not one of your kids watch your tone. Don't want to go making it easier to leave.
I respect you go through stuff not my problem while at work. Trying to provide a solution for work more inconvenience dealing with nonsense that has nothing to do with work.

Walked away from emotion hurt
Tired of carrying the physical pain
Growing spiritually healed with hope
Proving it to myself no one else
Someone is always talking noise
The voices are loud missing silence
Instead of trying to be more
Becoming a mental distraction
Not feeding those starved egos
Refuse to empowered false pride
Out grew the old life letting go moving on
Embracing the new not looking back
Writing to feel able share from within
Let the flow go from the heart
Loving the personal growth
Words from a passionate soul

He hated the holidays because he lost loved ones. Everyone gets socially awkward copes differently. He just remembered the good times. While others got drunk or belittled others to feel secure about themselves.
He couldn't honor their death everyone cracked beers at the cemetery.
He went on his own time and randomly. He enjoyed the quiet remembering loved ones praying to God for peace and closure. Preferred to be alone than be around people; who tried to tell him, how to act, or feel. It was insulting to be around people; who thought less of him. Ignored him because the focused on material possessions than intellect.

Too old to be doing that
Too young for all that
No one is happy for you
While pointing flaws
Prefer to be alone
Helping others to grow

I've been asked, "why do you work so hard?" I've worked jobs where people don't do any work and have the nerve to complain.
I took pride in my work work etiquette is important. I'm that person you notice when I'm off or given the day off. I've been told I make people look bad they make themselves look bad for not doing their part.
I've lost a job because the guy who does nothing tried to pull rank because of his age. I don't care who you are or your age. If you are working hard or hard as me don't tell me anything.
Sometimes you have to take charge and hold yourself accountable. I try to work as a team but sometimes you have to do it yourself.
I never got mad because I seen it as training know everything so you don't have to rely or wait on anyone. I work hard because I can't be at work doing nothing for 8 hours. I've seen it done mind my mouth and business.
I never talk about anyone but my mouth is always being mentioned if you don't like why are you talking about me. That never made any sense.
Pushing through because I know what it's like to not have a job and be judged hard. If you had more than me why does what I'm doing bother you. I don't get why people make things personal when you don't say anything.
If I spoke up I'd still disappoint someone or make some one mad because I called them on the lie and they act like I'm trying to expose them. I have nothing to say they way they run their mouth it will get them caught up so I'm not worried or making a fuss