Reflecting last year focused on the new
Good bye to old friends can't hold on anymore
Always reaching out reviving and reaching out over one sided
Tired of the two faced people
Talking about everyone
Acting like they are loyal
Learning to say NO over being used
Took too much last year
Taking on things that matter
Let go of those toxic vibes
They are draining not worth feeding
How does a person not trust
Trying to take a selfie
Pretending to be close
Can't speak truth but everybody lies
Why are people okay with that?
Try to trigger not giving it attention
Focused on goals that make sense
Make dreams a reality keep working
Stop being distracted by people
All grind no gimmick

Warned by peers but looked the other way
Thinking you could offer good
Everything that was said is true
Only if they knew you're being true
Told the truth against a blank stare
A cold awkward silence was the response
They did you ***** dishonest words
Why do they expect you to feel bad
Asking WHY trying to make it right
It will never go back to being the same
No emotions turned away saying it will be okay

Some days waking up is hard because doing things that are not fun. It was but now it seems like a chore. Gave my all and still they aren't doing anything with me. Thought be the best at it and they'd notice apparently they don't care because they are busy covering their end and not worried about anyone else.
It's been a long day and my shift hasn't started and I want it to be over already. Filling in for someone who doesn't care to be there. I've been raising the bar with my work and the bar is so low barely doing anything is an accomplishment.
Always wanted to be one of the crew of course they like me I do all the stuff they don't want to do since I see it as it needs to be done anyway.
Trying to stay positive focused on work but think I can be doing much more with writing and podcasting trying to find away but always wandering alone no one understands my dream but me.
I've been loyal and honest told the truth seen as crazy or weird for having an idea and knowing what I want not a follower.

Made cuts thankful because some people are not good for your mental health. Lowered your ego to keep the peace while theirs grew thinking they can judge look down on others talking but don't know the whole story. Making others looks bad to feel better about themselves.
This wall of frustration came crashing down because speaking up and having an opinion wasn't wanted. They could talk bad about you but once you confronted them on the shady actions and roles they played now they are mad and offend because the truth exposed them for their misconduct.
They played you for a fool now they feel foolish getting caught up trying to slaughter your character so the odds stay in their favor sooner or later their arrogant ways will get the best of them. No one is talking about them everyone minds their business and think they could impose their toxic ways trying to twist your words so you don't say anything let them run their mouth.

Everyday is a new day can't complain sooner or later I'll get it right
Been working for mine telling myself everything will be fine
Some days are out of wack but see it as a comeback
Other times it's about maintaining keep going strong
Others point out your flaws when you gave your all but did nothing wrong
Been doing what I love for years so I've been happy
Annoyed others can be rude treat one another so ******
Full of trust most mistake love for lust a failed crush gone sour
From feeling great over dealing with all the hate
From dark to light overcome the fear of night
Hard to express but never settle for less
Focused on the future not looking back at the past
Fought for them to stay but the fled
Now you let go why are they coming back
After betrayal not sure how to act but things will never be the same
Lots of growth overcome the pain writing keeps me sane

Use to be scared not afraid anymore
Valued your negative opinion
Tried to put me in my place
Than allow me to grow
Questioned you intentions now your mad
Years of criticism being knocked down
Crazy enough to get back up for more
Staying away gave this mind peace
The mental struggle became a strength
Toxic voices have gone mute
Faded away in the spacey distance
Taking in the silence feeling calm collected
Never understood the logic in this beef
A once sided argument wasting time
Feeling disrespected devalued by an elder
What happened to being an example
A role model for those trying to make it
Move up in the world not knock'em down
Times are different changed over the years
Once came to you for advice
An opinion isn't always needed
Sometimes an ear helps you figure it out
The thought process might click
Make sense to the person opening up
Don't tell others how to live their life
Who to be let them be cozy in their skin

They talked nothing happened, they crossed paths years later. She was a single mom, and working at the bar. He walked away from that life the people he associated. The transition was hard to adapt learning to adjust. Working through the complications that made him stronger.
Dating wasn't the same anymore all the wild single women. Had become moms or divorced

His personal space violated
Ignored till a favor is needed
All the disrespect the nerve
If he didn't do favors
They wouldn't bother with him
It was never enough
Someone is always complaining
Burning people for selfish gains
A snake lurking pretending to care
Among hard working people
Leaching off everyone causing chaos

Staying up till 2 am writing
Scenarios playing out
Reality has a different out come
Seems right mentally
Physical things don't play out
From making moves to sidelines
No credibility because of false promise
Called out the liar more lies and denial
Uttered words that hold no value
Actions are more than useless excuses

Writing from the heart allows you to feel
Thinking to much blocks  out emotions
Trying to do what's right be the best
Made mistakes learned for them to grow
Improving yourself over the years
Missing old friends the cord was cut
Meeting the right people on the journey
Thankful for deep conversations
Being told the truth not what needs to be heard
In a crowded room learning from others
Some add perspectives others self indulgent
People care a smile shows they care
The tough love is obstacles failure to get noticed
Take a breath blow out the bad take in the good
Not that person anymore or in that place anymore
Look up be proud and happy for the blessings
Sometimes head down ******* up ego can be a downer
Remember for doing right
Over being reminded the for wrong done

Waking up with only 4 hours of sleep on the 3rd cup of coffee. Writing to clear the mind stay sharp. An open mind and open heart. Not able to write sometimes is worry some. Sometimes you think about people and how they treat me you. They'll make you out to be the bad guy playing the victim. Learning their word means nothing.

He got in his 4 runner went for a long drive playing loud music. Work lost value no longer emotionally connected. Took one for the team this demotion was a knife to the heart. Pondering life and changes that needed to be made. Surviving a transplant trying to go forward Another detour went backward instead of forward. Not being heard to many false narratives others believe. He stopped arguing to prove himself.
Focused on his passions outside of this crumbling building. Rushing away from the the bad focused on the good. Try to be in the moment not ahead at the future or looking back at the past.

Let go of it all let the words flow
Free from bottled emotions
Looping emotions such a downer
Collecting trauma from the past
Happiness starting to show
Filling that empty seat give it life
Tell your story to inspire others
Tired of being silence holding hack
Did more than most came up short
Set up to fail in the light wanted it
Not ready so much to learn
Working twice as hard ready to shine
Behind the scenes to prepare
Find confidence ask many questions

Staring out the window trying to see my future
Thinking what steps I need to take so I can make it there
The cold breeze against my face, air so refreshing
With a pen in my hand and notebook on my lap
My room is my safe space made it a home
Other than in my head lost in my thoughts
Crazy when I'm out of my comfort zone
Not one to compare myself to others
Always seen as a threat minding my own
Most of the time I don't bother or care
Focused on life my own personal affairs
The vibes are shady the tension is suspenseful
Never said anything about you
Seems like you have so much to say about me
I don't remember asking why are you talking
Its all said behind my back not to my face
I'd take your opinion into consideration
Another fight in my head to write about

Life after the transplant
My story was used against me
Working hard to move up
Got stopped and setback
Another detour to another destination
Working hard to be independent
Impatient and hate waiting on other
Hard to trust most of all rely on people
A scar healing up from the betrayal
Dealing with a false friend pretending to care
Getting stronger everyday focused on growth
Taking charge staying out of drama
Over useless leads taking the credit

Running into an old fling he knew they could never be
They actually talked and civil one wanted in while the other was kept out
Getting answers why and where did it go wrong
His love for her would come back but didn't get his hopes up
She was hurt trying to find herself years of being lost
Being with the wrong people because she couldn't be single
The men she hurt became strangers
Played itself and distanced himself from her

They assumed you're going to run
Just because they did you *****
Doesn't mean anything on your character
Not noticing or paying attention to them
Or what's being said behind your back
You're not going that way
Not feeding into the chaos
Never talking about them
A waste of time focus on being productive
Not use to being alone and have grown
Learned to focus on the work not drama
Work harder with your whole being
Than give into the distractions

He use to walk into enemy territory with a smile. They came at him but he settled the score behind the scenes. He use to take pride in serving those who did him a ***** a receipt. The betrayal become personal He looked out for them and had their back.
He found out they'd bad mouth him slander his character. This bad boy rep did him a favor rather than changes others perspect of how they seen  him. Everything against him was frustrating he knew not to go against family but they had it out for him. He never dated an ex of a friend or relatives.
All these made up ideals kept him out or tried to change him just to be accepted. It wasn't worth it so many people had more than him and still ungrateful. He was less fortunate but still thankful Pursuing his dreams and crafts to enhance his talents.

He wasn't taken serious seen as a joke. They think he's a push over once they crossed the line they'd be surprised when he checked them put them back in their place. He was over all the insults backhanded complements.

As a writer I have so many mind sets writing comedy and lyrics started writing scripts.
I'm trying to master my art and skill even though I keep things basic. My days feel long lost after being fired from a job I loved over an idiot who got to me and in my head.
I've been mad at my friend she breaks up and goes back with her idiot boyfriend. Shes a smart and pretty girl who settles for less. I'm always treated different I'd rather be doing my own thing it means everything to me.
I get involved with crowds I take on their drama even though it's not mine good friends stick around about you can have their back once they move on it makes things easier. You had plans but they never went accordingly that the problem with the film industry

He seen her with another guy it drove him crazy. He felt betrayed and worthy mostly angry insulted that a person would lead him on then act like what happen between them didn't happen like it didn't matter or mean anything.
He remained loyal to the wrong person once he moved on. She would try to take interest on his new romantic encounter. He would tell her to mind her business.
She would play her mind games saying she missed him when she wanted nothing to do with him. He'd ask her to be his gf but she said no but a week later would be in a relationship with someone else.
She didn't want a relationship with him. He was dating so he could get over her even though he wasn't ready. He needed time to heal.
He was one of many never meant to be the one in her life. His actions and behavior would get the best of him because he had never been in that situation before. Being a late bloomer was not helping but once he went through it he learned to deal with it.

Seeing old peeps and new peers
An old life adjusting to the new life
Asking and wondering all possibilities
What if it could happen right for once
Why hasn't it gone down way past due
A good time left with past memories
Years of hiding in the back for peace
Brought to the front on the rise
Opened eyes to see opportunity
Taking risks new chances
Full of change turn the page

Tables turned numb not showing emotions
Against all the odds standing tall not backing down
Not friends only coworkers making a living
Going forward no longer looking back
Took a step forward got ignored
Waited long enough invested my time
Came up short what a waste
Onto the next meant for better

He was a lover boy who never got emotionally attached
He'd give his all to these women but they were stuck on someone who treated them bad
He figured that's what they liked and did not fight because you cant force people to love it has to come natural
They loved him but left so he didn't mean much to them
He always wanted to open up but knew they were passing and he didn't expect them to stay
If they loved him it didn't show plus never acted like they did anyway
He was thankful for the time and moments but their minds were made up and he accepted their choices
When he moved on he never understood why they were mad or upset they let him go
He was not one to go back he'd be their friend but usually they were to ******* at him
He didn't care when he saw them with another guy because that was their choice
When he moved on and they seen him with another girl she was mad and never happy for him
He doesn't rush because he still wants to live before settling down he wants the one not just anyone

Why is it when you smile filled with joy
People try to **** you off runi the day
She loved his smile whiletogether
Now she hates everything about him
He wanted to put a label on it she said no
Told him she didn't want a relationship
A week later she was with someone new
He couldn't say or do anything
Once he moved on began to date
She tried to comeback be in his business
Who knew an old fling thar ended
Would stare down the new with jealousy
On with the new no going back to the old

Easy to move because of drama
After a while you stand your ground
You did the work put in the time
Do your part and go home
Can't please everyone
Not always going to be right
Make a fee mistakes lost in the work
Learning to express emotions other than write
Deal with those unsettling feelings
The path has cleared over time
Going through the untamed brush
People come and go with the season
Some have reasons like family and health
Promotions onto better careers
Retirement years of hard work to rest
Some are a key factor and hard to let go
While others its time please go
Some are not growing while others settle

Being my own man growing up
Not like my parents an individual
Being my own man standing tall
Trying to survive the struggle
Grew up around addiction
Bad habits over family love
No way to raise a child
Trying not to repeat history
Fear of the unknown a mystery
Writing to keep a clear mind
Facing the truth embracing reality
In love with the truth inside out
In a world of lies dieing inside

Woke up late not anxious to show up for work. Ready to move on and transfer to a new location. A new journey and adventure over trying to talk no one is listening being interrupted talked over. Walked away they talk about you no one is talking about them. Once you made it they act like had your back. Spoke the truth now everyone gets mad. They could dish it but can't take it. Left them behind moving on going strong

what I see and how I feel are not the same taking it in you admire it appreciate it
when you try to put it back out there
It's not the same once experience
I've processed it in my mind
what I felt and what I thought
lots of it being analyzed to be understood
years of being told you are no good
like a mood ring adjusting to others' bad vibes
it's easier to be alone by myself rather than tolerate bad behavior. being discriminated by our own kind doesn't hurt

He stared at the mats knew it was home. The fear of getting an injured walking with a bummed knee. Stretching to feel right do better drilling. Making three points of contact, cupping to secure the submission. Breaking the guard with knee slicers.
Trying to get the technique down so it could work more effectively.
Gi vs No Gi two different worlds learning to be patient every action leads to a reaction. Bruised up from training sore and tender muscles.

Dealing with a new lead was refreshing he preferred to focus on the work and be left alone. He open to change but feels insulted when people only contact him when he needs something. Trying to be noble and fair with his peeps. Reaching out being ignored was frustrating now that he's doing his own thing. Formal peeps show up with bad news ruining his day. Trying to stay connected with peeps who mattered while avoid those that made him feel worthless.
Nervous for the change rising taking on more responsibility because it was a younger crew while the old retired. He was use to them making the calls as he followed. He was in the hot seat taking charge taking control of the out of the awkward situations.

Dealing with so much losing yourself
Not in a good way paying dues
Having to hustle doing extra
No one is going to do it for you
Sacrificing things to be at work
Missing those athletic days
Older now not healing the same
Have to do extra to come out even
From having time to being the clock
Wanting to slow down its all fast pace
Mind goes numb feeling distracted
Body into work mode get it done
Tired at work ready for bed
Time for bed wide awake thinking
If all the possibilities and "what ifs?

Sometimes being in the zone you miss out what's going on around you. usually in work mode today when in thinking this is the same I can be doing more and be else where enjoying life.
Such a small world my coworker knows a few people from the high school I attended. Mentioning people from the past and what was. Times have changed don't recall names and barely remember faces people age and don't look the same. Not the same person I remember. How life can change a person.
How can they call you selfish when you always give saying no one time plus they forget all the other times you went out of your way to help them. How you treat people reflects you but no one sees how those people reflect on him. Doing more stuff that makes you laugh and smile matters. It gives you more satisfaction and gratification saying you did it and I did if myself for myself for once. One of the best feeling ever trying to fit in doesn't sound right it's better to stand out be your own being not follow the blind especially since you know better; choose to be righteous and do good things. They can do wrong cheat it will comeback to them in the end so don't worry about those who mistreat you or take you for granted.

Be determined against the odds
Believe in yourself when no one does
Keep growing and gain experience
Got health issues, not *******
Plowing through finish strong
While being discriminated against
Minding this mouth loud thoughts
Keeping the peace being singled out
No longer involved fading away
Speaking causes trouble
Minding my business

He looked in the mirror noticed the wrinkles and the white hairs that stood out more than the blacks. Feeling his muscle mass be less dense his body stiff losing flexibility a life of crazy from others he didn't care for.
Minding his mouth because everyone took everything personal.
He was done with everyone and everything that opposed him or tried to assassin his character due to a conflict of interest. It didn't bother him anymore, he knew who he was and didn't need anyone tell him otherwise

In his room writing letting it all out not holding on making room for things that matter. Focused on writing a book making jokes not taking life too serious.
His quit on the people that taunted him and brought out the worse in him. They cursed his name and thought less of him since he wasn't a follower. He'd rather do his own thing than be told what to do by peers who don't value him or his efforts.