Love family not having kids
I can't afford With baby mommas drama
Trying to stay sober not smoke ***
Numb like a robot no emotions
Did wrong not justify it as right
Trying to start another argument or fight
Chose bad habits over doing what's right
No money for the kids feeding addiction
Running away from the problem
Instead of being responsible
Manhood always challenged
Doing nothing getting disrespected
Mom materialistic feeling abandoned
Dad never showed up anxious to meet up
The pretend dad made a new family
Excluded left out on the outside looking in

Being called sensitive for caring
The only one doing it
While others mock your efforts
Talk down on you no one asked
Like if they are doing you a favor
Already proved myself
Fighting for self worth
Working harder than most
Not going through people
Just doing the work taking pride
Putting in the time growing
As they knock your existence
Not seen as an equal times
Taking back the respect
All the credit that was taken
Do the work soul ******* parasite
Pretending to have it together
Stop BSing everyone truth hurts

Sometimes being in the zone you miss out what's going on around you. usually in work mode today when in thinking this is the same I can be doing more and be else where enjoying life.
Such a small world my coworker knows a few people from the high school I attended. Mentioning people from the past and what was. Times have changed don't recall names and barely remember faces people age and don't look the same. Not the same person I remember. How life can change a person.
How can they call you selfish when you always give saying no one time plus they forget all the other times you went out of your way to help them. How you treat people reflects you but no one sees how those people reflect on him. Doing more stuff that makes you laugh and smile matters. It gives you more satisfaction and gratification saying you did it and I did if myself for myself for once. One of the best feeling ever trying to fit in doesn't sound right it's better to stand out be your own being not follow the blind especially since you know better; choose to be righteous and do good things. They can do wrong cheat it will comeback to them in the end so don't worry about those who mistreat you or take you for granted.

He stared at the mats knew it was home. The fear of getting an injured walking with a bummed knee. Stretching to feel right do better drilling. Making three points of contact, cupping to secure the submission. Breaking the guard with knee slicers.
Trying to get the technique down so it could work more effectively.
Gi vs No Gi two different worlds learning to be patient every action leads to a reaction. Bruised up from training sore and tender muscles.

She was saying I love you to another person now she's around you using you to get over that person. She was engaged he took the ring back this was the story you told it made you sad. The day she kissed him he did not feel right or know how to feel since she talk about them keeping it casual but later saying they could not date or be a couple. Her mind with many ideas that made her indecisive made he jump to conclusions without consideration for his thoughts and feelings. She would do whatever and use anyone so she could feel better about herself. He didn't see the worse in her but he didn't expect her to be at her best.
He was confused about this fling she would come on to him talking seductive. He was respectful because he knew once *** was involved it would make things complicated. He was open with her while she played games using ****** favors as manipulation. Things were not clear but once it got too deep things would eventually become awkward a close friendship with mild ****** benefits would become nothing two trouble with relationship issues would become complete strangers once again.

Stopped internalizing everything something's are best forgotten. Let because all they do is distract you from everything. Everyone works or does things differently. Not sure how to work with use to working around the problem. Taking the problem on straight up could cause conflict but usually focused on what needs to be done in a timely manner.
Usually one to rush things but not in a hurry she said yes but don't want to miss or ruin the opportunity. Been hurt before thinking long term instead of short. Asking questions not just going in blind. Trying to get to know a person not learn by trial and error on the go. In denial over all the deceit this person has displayed. Working hard working to make a difference

He was old school this new way of life didn't make sense or sound right hard to trust others moral compass. He was blamed for her lies and deceit while he remained loyal to the wrong person.
Once he moved on; she came back place a mind bomb. He started over and date someone else, she got territorial. She didn't want him but didn't want anyone else to have him.

After a fee set back you shake it off and stay focused. Everything you wanted is not meant to be yet. Everyday is a fight sometimes you let God take on battle because it can't be won.
Trying to stay on course but side tracks and detours are part of life. In and out of the hospital learning to take better care of yourself. The self destruction no one care only you could fix yourself. The past can't be changed and the people who hurt you won't fix what they broke.
They used you then dropped you like a bad habit. Once you loved your heart doesn't want to hurt them while the mind wants to plot revenge. It doesn't make it right or any better everything becomes worse than before.

Sleep deprived, waking up early to go fishing.
Wearing layers because it was a cold wet morning.
Using the fishing rods that were gifted by a coworker
Out by the lake taking in the scenery
The sun would shine nice and bright
Making the day feel right almost perfect
Hoping the fish would bite the hook
Not sure what bait best for the catch
Well prepared with variety
Casting in the line loaded with bait
Reel in to reduce the slack
Wait for the fish to bite tug on the line
Reel in the fish as they resist
Trying to escape the line breaks
The fish bite steal the bait swim away
Reeling in the fish the rod begins to bend
The fish wiggles being brought in closer
Lifted out of the water by the line grabbing the net to secure instead of dropping the catch back in the water

Everyday is a fight to be heard to give my all
I don't complain and do what's asked
Being overlooked and ignored is frustrating
Not one to kiss *** but will bust my *** to get it done
My motto is don't leave it for the next guy be the guy
So many settle I'm one who believes, if you're not moving up or progressing why stay there
Being a sub has taught me doing the work makes you better
While some who have been there for years and let it go majority of the job is maintaining
Gave up on things to find my own label or no label I've been doing it
I've always been passionate about whatever I'm doing all in or nothing not one to waste time
People I valued and respected never took my thoughts into consideration so much rejection and dismissal.
I'm not one to **** someone's idea or dreams, I ask how or what can we do to make this happen. Become a reality make be a team player so many of my ideas taken and used being discredited.

He was tired of taking on the world
Standing his ground refusing to budge
Then got a text from an old friend
She wanted to catch up like the old times
He was not good at social cues especially when it come to women
He didn't want to give too much
But didn't want to mess up and lose her
He was always a better friend than a BF
Trying not to complicate things made it worse
He was not good at expressing his feeling
Showing emotions was hard because he didn't want to get hurt
She thought highly of him
But never though anything bad
He didn't force people to stay
But he didn't want them to go either
After a while you grow up and stop getting attached

what I see and how I feel are not the same taking it in you admire it appreciate it
when you try to put it back out there
It's not the same once experience
I've processed it in my mind
what I felt and what I thought
lots of it being analyzed to be understood
years of being told you are no good
like a mood ring adjusting to others' bad vibes
it's easier to be alone by myself rather than tolerate bad behavior. being discriminated by our own kind doesn't hurt

He woke up ready to take on the day
Dressed his best to do his best
Wrote down ideas focused on the work
Writing his book a life projects
Playing with some deep thoughts
Trying to make it working for
Nothing is given but earned
Lost in practicing bass guitar
Feeling it doing pad work
The concentration is sharp
Focused on being better

I didn't want to believe what I heard
All the stories hoped they weren't true
Let you in the betrayal was deep
Should've listened to the warning signs
Thought things wouldn't end
Seen it differently being foolish
Already told the outcome going in
Results given by previously used fools
Slammed into the wall of failure
Being optimistic left feeling naive
Treated just like everyone else
Never the same above the pain
So many games not playing anymore

Seeing old peeps and new peers
An old life adjusting to the new life
Asking and wondering all possibilities
What if it could happen right for once
Why hasn't it gone down way past due
A good time left with past memories
Years of hiding in the back for peace
Brought to the front on the rise
Opened eyes to see opportunity
Taking risks new chances
Full of change turn the page

He didn't have it in him to argue anymore
Tired of the path of destruction
Opening his mouth caused
But didn't want others to punk him out
He decided to do his own thing
Stuff that made him laugh and smile
Didn't need much to be happy
Accepted being alone use to his company
Tried to make it right now its worse
Left it alone in the end it was thrown on him
Thought about the consequences
Those actions he apologized but it kept happening
Wanted to be forgiven but treated different
Decided to find a new crowd where he was accepted

Dealing with so much losing yourself
Not in a good way paying dues
Having to hustle doing extra
No one is going to do it for you
Sacrificing things to be at work
Missing those athletic days
Older now not healing the same
Have to do extra to come out even
From having time to being the clock
Wanting to slow down its all fast pace
Mind goes numb feeling distracted
Body into work mode get it done
Tired at work ready for bed
Time for bed wide awake thinking
If all the possibilities and "what ifs?

Talking to good people
Plotting new goals to achieve
Trying to move up go forward
Another road block and detours
Did the work and got ******* over
Spoke the truth being ignored
Gave it all and it's never enough
Taking it back finding it else where
Finishing old plans on the back burner
Lots of growth anxious to learn more
Apply what's learned feel valued
All the hard work and effort go unnoticed
Not used or taken forgranted
A change of scene pursuing the passion
New experiences over the burn out

He looked in the mirror noticed the wrinkles and the white hairs that stood out more than the blacks. Feeling his muscle mass be less dense his body stiff losing flexibility a life of crazy from others he didn't care for.
Minding his mouth because everyone took everything personal.
He was done with everyone and everything that opposed him or tried to assassin his character due to a conflict of interest. It didn't bother him anymore, he knew who he was and didn't need anyone tell him otherwise

It's okay to not know but once you begin to understand the growth begins. Sometimes you take others into consideration. Letting go shredding hoarded thoughts kept in notebooks. Not that person anymore Trying to prepare be better tomorrow. Be better than yesterday better prepared for tomorrow. All the pain is gone coped. No longer playing with old feelings or stuck on those old emotions. Ready to experience new moments the old ones are like trophies that cause you to settle because it was done. Getting more technical and more coordinated.

Be determined against the odds
Believe in yourself when no one does
Keep growing and gain experience
Got health issues, not *******
Plowing through finish strong
While being discriminated against
Minding this mouth loud thoughts
Keeping the peace being singled out
No longer involved fading away
Speaking causes trouble
Minding my business

The day you sober up everything changes
Drinking buddies are not the friend you drank them out to be
Being sober they see you different because you lead the pack
Once you step down they think they could walk all over you
It was easy to open up after a few beers now the words won't come out
Learning people are sensitive and twist your words
being honest they call you mean the truth is harsh better than hyped up lies
Old friends leave and new ones come it but found comfort in my own solitude.
Sitting in AA was helpful but I'm not that bad
Learned to work on myself avoid the temptation
So many wild changes some came others stayed but was not for me
I focused on what I wanted, needed putting myself first was weird but made sense

Feeling like yourself not accepting defeat
After tough times overcoming heat
Make it through the week feeling beat
Growing older body is hurting
Focused on good with bad memories
Working hard under appreciated
Burnt out from giving it all
Got nothing more everything
Feels like a lost cause life on pause
Trying to change this mindset
So much going on hard to forget

Wiping those tears over coming his fears
Missing grandpa no one to turn to for advice
Writing to feel always blocking it out
Human made mistakes owned up
Told the truth pushing through the pain
Wrote to get out the aggression on the page
Stretching to get on the mats
Bones and joints snapping popping
Writing to push out bad making room for love
Silent to keep the peace holding back is unsettling
The chaos within imploding coming out in an unhealthy manner

Over come bad habits but easy to fall back into them
Sometimes I just want to drink a bottle of Jack
Other times I want to stuff my face to fill the void
All my anger and frustration has me annoyed
If I spoke the truth it would get me hate
If I hold back hating myself for not speaking up
Mind my mouth because I have respect
You have no respect always bad mouthing my name
Working hard and stuck in the same place
While **** ups are given praise for doing nothing
My anger ready to blow up like Dynamite
The rage within can explore I defuse it so things implode
If I spoke my mind not the hero but the bad guy
Meant well but everything fails goes to hell
The broken trust and betrayal is a rush
Can't break my spirit refuse to empower those who oppose me
Walked away it's best I stay away no need for you ashame rejected all the shame

He was tired of everyone coming at him. once he stood up his ground they played the victim. He was never considered unless they needed or wanted something from him. He was always excluded on the outside looking in.
They made up rules to keep him out use to being excluded. He didn't care for these made up rules that weren't in his favor. He was thankful for what he had; while they had it all still talking about everyone. No one owes them anything.
Let people live their life, owning a house doesn't give you the right to treat others bad look down on them. He worked for his helped family not expecting anything in return.
He didn't care to answer deal with those people. He wasn't perfect no way near it and the last person that should be talking about anyone. It angered him, he walked away but they kept provoking him robbing him of his peace.

He welcomed her into his world hoped, she wouldn't ruin him. All the things she liked about him that she'd try to change or it all turns into hatred.
He didn't read minds, she was passive instead of talking about things with him. She would be supportive instead of doubting him. Making him feel bad because her values and focus was different from his.
He wasn't the same in the relationship barely able to focus on himself, how can he function for two. He didn't get complements so he wasn't use to giving them out.

Found joy in writing got a complement reread the material. Surprised myself with my words. Always in a different mindset. Told to publish something not sure who my audience is because use to being an outcast kept out looking in.

As time passes things change along with age. From wanting to being young and dumb. Now older and wiser than before telling stories from mistakes and failures life experiences. Always deep thought coping and reflecting on life. Telling those funny stories. now being more cautious and seeking opportunities.

Stopped reviving dieing friendships. Love family but not able to be yourself makes it easy to leave things behind cut ties. One sided friendships

Coming up everyone is against you
People always told him stuff
He remembered those words some taken to heart
It made him better some advice lingered
Working hard while others complained
Finally got hired others looked to retire
Might as well do the work till that moment comes
Being told it was a waste of time doing the work made him better
Dealing with a lead that would abuse his power
Doing his work once he transfered the truth would be exposed
Told he had a bad attitude for not agreeing
All those assumptions would be proved wrong
The old lead calling the new lead speaking slander
Trying to ruin this new opportunity
It made him more grateful and thankful
Not interested in being a lead but given the responsibilities
Thankful the higher ups trust and confident in his abilities

Onto new seeing people from the past
Hoped they'd change remaining the same
Talking about everyone if its their right
Seeing through the act not falling for it
Staying away pick and choose liking you
Just because your big intimidate others
Doesn't mean you could beat everyone up
Cussing people out being a bully
Doesn't make you right or better
Being disrespectful because your mad
Doesn't get you respect people turn away
Saw you as an equal your power trip
Has you knocking stepping on people
Using people talking about others
Says more about you than the people you slander

I'm trying not to be a walking contradiction. It's hard make things better for everyone not focusing on myself. After being sick Trying to recover and not holding back on the work.

Always a team player treating others work like mine. When it's my work the half *** effort and not caring bothers me. Time for everyone but stuck doing everything last minute.

I just do what needs to be done not sit back and complain. Taking the blame. Do something about it stop feeling sorry for yourself. I don't care for pity parties. Do the work