Rebuild yourself since you has major surgery
From a big boy to slim embrace the new
Not able to bend dropping anything is embarrassing
Can't lift more than 10 pounds
The fear of getting sick avoiding people
Ready to be back in the crowd
Recover first bounce back from setbacks
Letting the wound heal

Fought for it now it's gone lost it all
Do who I am anymore, need to find myself
Being lost wandering when I thought I found it all
Fake friends that bad mouth me we don't talk anymore
Lusting girls who be cheating placing blame because they can't be trusted
Owned up to my rights and wrong keep on going strong
Lost the girls who doesn't love me or want me
Mad because I found someone new she dont want me but don't want anyone else to have me
You moved on and I'm holding back too bad we know the failed out come no more tries
Being with you being together means lieing to ourselves
New jobs old job stuck in this transition been writing for years helped me grow over come my fears

Some people get comfortable disrespecting others but once someone speaks up or says anything they are quick to play the victim. Talking about others like it's their right.
Once you call them on their crap they are quick to turn it into a debate to justify their actions. Quick to knock others flaws never looking at their own.
Love family but they are the worse who needs enemies when family makes you out to be the bad guy for speaking up standing your ground.
Years of being treated different once you break free of their death grip. They'll never treat you the same or act differently towards you. They expect you to change but never make any effort to think what they've done but quick to make you look bad for what you've done.
They have eyes like a snake two-faced cutting the cord and staying away from them makes it easier to enjoy life. You got your path there's no overlap or getting along because one made it no one could be happy for you.
They expect you to give up your dream so they could feel adequate about themselves. Have to keep moving no stopping because win lose or draw keep going gain from the experience.
They taunt your mind making you disgusted because you trusted them seen good in them when it was all an act. They try to alienate you because they rather destroy your character than let anyone rise and shine greater than them.

it's okay to get away easier to be alone
you don't think or feel like others
you have your own ideas and thoughts
not one to use or go through others
breaking away from toxic people
be the solution, not the problem

He had a few drinks got a buzz called it quits before he was the wild one blacked out drunk. Feeling like the world is against him ******* over by his family. It was the worse he got over whelmed went out with some cousins they chatted about the good times they had to grow up but it was good to move up be way more responsible than before. His spring break blew chunks since he had to fill dumpsters with junk not the agenda for spring break.
They never had his back but they expect him to be supportive after all the shady crap they've done.

He went to work and dealt with his useless lead that abused his power. Talking about respect but one of the most disrespectful jerks you ever met. The old school vs the new school trying to rise up but the older generation being a roadblock putting roadblocks and detours rigging things in their favor. He was tired of made up rules and social standards no one loved up to or followed.
People didn't like that he asked questions wondering why? Why is it like this why can't we just get along coexist with one another. They caused the conflict now mad blaming everyone but themselves for their misconduct. You can't treat people and no one deserves to be treated bad because they have a different opinion or knows more keeping them excluded.

Wiping those tears over coming his fears
Missing grandpa no one to turn to for advice
Writing to feel always blocking it out
Human made mistakes owned up
Told the truth pushing through the pain
Wrote to get out the aggression on the page
Stretching to get on the mats
Bones and joints snapping popping
Writing to push out bad making room for love
Silent to keep the peace holding back is unsettling
The chaos within imploding coming out in an unhealthy manner

Staying motivated no one seems to care
Seeing opportunities others gave up
Slowing down getting burnt out
Trying to lead by example by doing
Stepping it up Not backing down
Body bruised feeling sore trying to relax
Dealing with change is hard
Things can get better or worse
Just focused on the work
Motivated to move not learning anything
Done everything looking for a challenge

Growing everyday seeking purpose
Mind hungers for knowledge
Being able to apply what's being taught
Usually isolated and alone
Anxious to be stimulated by others
Being social but always feeling too wordy
Honesty that ****** people off
Straight forward to the point
Learned to consider outside factors
Read the room the persons body language
Somethings can't be said or talked about
Music to express those thoughts some words are hard to find

We maybe blood but we are not family
You steal from family and blame everyone
Own up for your wrong doing
Running your mouth, your actions don't match up
With someone you don't love, you ***** gold digger
You claim to hate me, why do you keep saying my name
I avoid you to keep the peace minding my mouth
Once I speak the truth, your mouth shuts
You are weak pretending to be tough
Made my point now you can take your knife from my back
I apologized not forgiven, treated you right
Treat me worse than the rest like I owe you something
You owe it to yourself get out their and earn it
Stop piggy backing, riding someone else's glory
I hate that we fight but you have bad social skills
I'm trying to understand, but you make it personal, attack with curse words
You cry play the victim,  when you keep provoking
You demand respect with your disrespectful mouth
Turns out your are chaos pretending to be innocent
So many empower your stubborn ways
Once someone challenges your way
You become passive with aggression, attack in a group
You can't do it alone, not saying much when you are alone
Being the outcast, found comfort in being alone
Not like you; no way, shape or form
Don't think we are a like I've done way more
I owned up to my mistakes and learned from failing
Your entitlement, disrespect will get you, no where.

He was on the outs glad everyone was getting alone. Didn't care for their approval since anything he did was never good enough. It wasn't his life or his problem anymore. Having other ideas kept him out not a fan of being told how to act or who to be. The idea of being watered down infuriated him.   Being rejected didn't bother him but all the expectation of others they didn't have his back but wanted a favor. It was insulting the nerve to insult a person and assume you are cool with a person.
It was easier to avoid and ignore a person than bother wasting your time. Sad how the hidden agendas are for their own personal gain. Smashing others ******* people to get their way.

Found joy in writing got a complement reread the material. Surprised myself with my words. Always in a different mindset. Told to publish something not sure who my audience is because use to being an outcast kept out looking in.

As time passes things change along with age. From wanting to being young and dumb. Now older and wiser than before telling stories from mistakes and failures life experiences. Always deep thought coping and reflecting on life. Telling those funny stories. now being more cautious and seeking opportunities.

Stopped reviving dieing friendships. Love family but not able to be yourself makes it easy to leave things behind cut ties. One sided friendships

The weather has changed from hot ton cool summer year round where is the winter weather
Too hot to wear a sweater that's meant for the cold
Hot chocolate sounds good but put on hold waiting for the cold
This never ending tan the sun is too much need some rain to hide the tears in the coldness
Wash away fears down the drain
cold makes me think clear focus grow strong
Cold weather is better just lighten up

Sometimes you have to cut ppl not because they are bad but because they try to knock everything you stand for. The toxic behavior and attitude bringing bad vibes when you work for good vibes. Lots of growth no room for set backs, or helping others that don't want to change. Expect you to give up, who you are when they aren't happy. Tell you that you are no good to feed their ego. Call you crazy for not giving into their demands. Delusional because you don't care for their way. Trying to say we are alike playing mind games. Trying to take control when you don't give in they try to influence, how others see you.
They try to tell you how to live, but not living the life they are try to instruct. Talk about everyone being two faced. Not bothering with all that ******* easier to walk away not feed or empower the foolish ego.
Thinking they can tell people, but don't like when people speak up; have an opinion of their own. Ignorance makes a scene while selfless stays calm and collected.

Got tired of being a yes man picking up the slack
People are a no show can't keep filling in
It was suppose to be part time but feels like a life time
Did all the grunt work while the gloryhounds take the credit
So much going on don't have time for my life
Once I said no that shadows all the good I've done
Been going strong facing forward taking on the world
Everyone is rude when they don't get their way
Doing my best to progress not settle like the rest
Ask questions because theres too much scandal going on
Doing the work, the way things are going is wrong

He entered the room and felt weird. He would mingle with the crowd but still felt like he was being watched. He made eye contact with an old face. Her eyes pierced his soul; he didn't know what to say. They had a bad fall out, they both dreaded the moment. He was uncomfortable never thought this would happen. He smiled and said hi. Her cold eyes would show him no emotions. They both made mistakes one forgave while the other held a grudge. So much history in the end it didn't even matter it all fell to pieces.

Wake up thankful asking why me
I want it but worried it hasn't happened yet
Hard to forget don't want to live with regret
Trying to find a way to make it
Don't want to fake it can't take it anymore
We use to be close now we aren't close anymore
I don't want to mess up or ***** things up
Only a matter of time till it happens
Hard to settle when I deserve better
Been taking what I can get even if it's no much or what I want
Looking out the window and this cold breeze
Use to family giving the 3rd degree
Just want to be set free be me not what you made me out to be

Tool a while to talk about it always thinking about it. Thinking it could've been done differently while noticing he had no say, no control the first time around. When did it go wrong how did things end up so sour. He was too involved and got frustrated with the situation. Or he gave his trust not always assuming the worse.  Later to be told he didn't care called selfish for respecting boundaries.
He had their back even if he was on deck waiting around in the background. He always asked what the problem was trying to provide a solution and thinking things through first before over reacting. He didn't want to make a scene and wanted to know both sides of the story to make sense of it all.

Thinking about running
An older body competing
Comparing youth to now
Before was easier
Recovery came quicker
Now a days sleeping wrong
Can lead to great soreness
Can't say anymore better at doing
Didn't like limits pushed through
An internal struggle knowing
Being able to do so without limits
Waking the inner athlete
Pushing through an older mindset
Able to work with around limitations

Trying to live life to the fullest
Rise above health issues
Work with what's given
Make the most of things
Years of flirting with death
Staying alive gave it to God
Facing fears by writing it down
Might look quiet thoughts processing
This mind is loud asking why
Questioning overanalyzing every moment
Observing actions over words
If one thing could fix everything
Called delusional for having an opinion
Being myself without compromise called a narcissist
Told the truth relieving the most hate
Telling stories trying to connect
Confessions not always forgiven

He was tired of everyone coming at him. once he stood up his ground they played the victim. He was never considered unless they needed or wanted something from him. He was always excluded on the outside looking in.
They made up rules to keep him out use to being excluded. He didn't care for these made up rules that weren't in his favor. He was thankful for what he had; while they had it all still talking about everyone. No one owes them anything.
Let people live their life, owning a house doesn't give you the right to treat others bad look down on them. He worked for his helped family not expecting anything in return.
He didn't care to answer deal with those people. He wasn't perfect no way near it and the last person that should be talking about anyone. It angered him, he walked away but they kept provoking him robbing him of his peace.

Use to love the idea of us but it's only about you. Said I love you can't deny these feelings for you. It's hard to move on, but you're quick to replace find someone new.
Sober minded not intoxicated by the manipulation. Came to terms even if denying you means tearing off a part of myself. Able to be a whole walking alone growing strong less thoughts of you. A feeble lie that use to believe was true. Forgiving within not being so cruel over a bad decision.

Feeling like yourself not accepting defeat
After tough times overcoming heat
Make it through the week feeling beat
Growing older body is hurting
Focused on good with bad memories
Working hard under appreciated
Burnt out from giving it all
Got nothing more everything
Feels like a lost cause life on pause
Trying to change this mindset
So much going on hard to forget

He was in a relationship and his female companion decided to confess her feelings for him. She made him feel awkward putting him in a situation he wanted but not at the current moment. He had feelings for her but he would remain loyal to his gf.
Why did they admit; how they felt, after he messed up, but he never knew he had a chance with her. He was a good friend didn't let his feelings get the best of him. He never acted on those emotions because he didn't like feeling vunerable or being used most of all being taken for granted.

Artie was at his friend's house hanging out. When his cousin showed up and said "come with me." His cousin said "your brother they shot him, he didn't make it." The world around him went dark, he couldn't hear anything.
He told his friend he was leaving, and his friend told him, "if you need anything call me."
The ride home was quiet and awkward, he didn't know, how to feel, or what to say. He wanted to cry but didn't want to be weak. He knew his tears wouldn't bring back his brother. Things would never be the same it was a dark time.
Many factors chipped away at his heart and spirit. During this his mom would act the fool being intoxicated acting the fool. Making it about herself she had other child.
He knew it was difficult for a parent to bury their child but her bad behavior did not help. It would lead to her losing her children. Taken away by social workers and they were placed in a foster home. Divided ending up with family members.
Artie was the oldest pursuing his college education would be distracted not able to focus or concentrate.
His family divided in a relationship with a person; who was not the one, but he was one of many.
He felt his life was coming together but eventually crumbled down. He would survive being better than where he came from. Even though his hometown was part of his heart. He wanted to start over new escape this nightmare be free from it all. Have a normal family whatever that is. Be in love a relationship with the right person. He prayed to be free of the blame he placed on himself.

Missing that old life means you've grown and preparing for something more. Reject becomes easy to expect since no one could provide a reason. After being denied a few times life feels like you're living in denial.
Thinking of ways to exist and stand out just to be ignore talked about. Once you stop caring by focusing on what you love the world doesn't seem so dark. Trying to please people who don't like you that made up their mind about you. Tired of explaining yourself to people that aren't interested in your life.

He was over hyping them up
Feeling like a **** up empowering BS
Never a brown noser trying to belong
Stopped putting forth effort
Energy never matched up drained
Cared more still shot down the most
Once he moved on seen as the enemy
A trader tired of being looked down on
Never seen as an equal not materialistic
Kept chasing the dream in his mind
Called crazy for having an opinion
Understood others while being written off

Grew up hood not acting ghetto
Some have it all still ungrateful
Working for it nothing is given
Pursuing a dream nothing else matters
She cheated trying to pass the blame
Homie talking bad not a friend anymore
Did wrong can't carry the burden
Forgave who did their ***** deeds
Never forgiven walked away intact
Loyal to the wrong people
Bunch of two faced jerks
Watched them go away
Not accepting defeat from traitors
Everyone fades away focused on goals
Focused on doing right rising up
Knife in the back take it back
Full force going strong all heart

Fight to stay alive to be heard
Everyday a life or death situation
Hard to live pursue the dream
Dead inside become immune to toxic
Trying to escape hate give into faith
Others trying to dictate your fate
Pouring it into the universe
See what comeback this way
Energy levels draining slow
Good vibes positivity on the rise

Onto new seeing people from the past
Hoped they'd change remaining the same
Talking about everyone if its their right
Seeing through the act not falling for it
Staying away pick and choose liking you
Just because your big intimidate others
Doesn't mean you could beat everyone up
Cussing people out being a bully
Doesn't make you right or better
Being disrespectful because your mad
Doesn't get you respect people turn away
Saw you as an equal your power trip
Has you knocking stepping on people
Using people talking about others
Says more about you than the people you slander

Not worth getting worked up over easier to talk about it. Process everything thankful for the friends. That listen able to share with open up without feelings and emotions being thrown in your face. Lightened up over others actions and behavior not responsible for them. Been responsible for how I communicate participate doing the job in and out make that money. stay strong positive through those difficult moments.