I'm thinking about today! Today I bought a comic book, I felt like a kid. I use to buy comics when I was young, I had a collection and starting over again.
The stories and art grab my eyes details show me much more than I could imagine. i wish I could draw paint the images that  I see when I close my eyes.
I have a creative side but its not easy to get out words work for me but giving life to art is hard shades and texture are not my strong points.
I like super heroes with their moral code and villains who go against the norms to achieve their goals. Animals that talk or wacky characters that talk with a witty personality.
I'm one who wants to brings others to life sharing my way my world new views and perspectives. I'm interested in being much more than someone ordinary person even if others think I'm crazy or too much.

Some feelings overwhelming its like being burned alive
The pain is real takes time to heal
Sharp blade cuts through the skin bleeding out is real
Scabs over even though the blood flows out in a rush
You calm down everything will be fine
Emotions have you of balance walking a thin line
You want to know don't always know
Maybe its better not to know be left alone
Close my eyes feel my heart race
The unsettling rapid pace ask for the lords grace
Marked for dead not giving up because others said
Is sweet revenge all those who see me as nothing
Doing more than some do can't do everything trying
No waiting around ******* or crying
Underground my world is private true friend know the real

Everyone loves *** cant talk about it
Religion is a no no separated by the state
But everyone has strong beliefs for sometimg
Political parties but no one is having fun
Segregated by color no one is free
Race war but everyone is at war
Word of the street wittten laws
Commit the crime do the time
Civil rights gay rights everyone thinks they are equal
Middle class upper class everyone pays the tax
Benefit neglected different doesn't mean equal
All these topics are right to the heart
Others font believe do they are wrong
Different opinions put everyone on a side
Agree disagree points made not alway the choice
Not your voice press forward what's right
Depends who's talking it's good or bad

They love we shared never the same
Once it ended no going back
A closed chapter a failed out come
Start over thinking back
not going that way point of no return
Trying to understand lust
lots of broken trust no time to heal
Meant the world now it's no longer there
Find a place not just another face
Start again find yourself not in another
Hearts heal become emotionally invested
Learn to live and love again it's your life don't let it end

I feel for others but can't relate
That's destine and fate
I don't always know what to say
I dk the feeling but try to understand
Been on both sides one alive
The other is feeling dead inside
Trust is hard after being served betrayal
Years off being closed off not easy to open up
You want things to change but feel the same
Day after day time after time
Pushed out but once in its whatever
All the hazing meant for better

Not one to give advice but willing to help others.
Coaching has taught to lead a team
Mentoring peers to helping them excel
Giving pointers on writing many talents
The best way to master is teach
Multiple repetitions an practice
Skills aren't natural they are learned

Time is flying doing great
Feels like I should be doin more
Asking what more do I need to do
So I can be there its my life always concern
Striving and surviving hoping to arrive in that place
They call it a dream or insanity but I call it destiny
Wake up get it done something much more
Never too late alway thought id be great
Tell the story clear the mnd
No more anger leading around the blind
I've been clearing out all the bad
Only involved with the good
If your doi.g bad keep me out stay away

Love and lust seen as the same
Who do you trust
Use and abuse one another
Unfaithful to each other
No love just a love
Only emotions through the covers
Truth is none of it's real
Departed shared the feelingless Heart

you tolerate all the taunting
provoked to terrorize
when you strike they expect an apology
you give them the show
thats never enough
the bull backs up but when the horse drop
fear from hell is raised
your running mouth is stuffed with dangers
play your games when the horns strike facing danger
the bull fuel with rage
the rage of the bull
no more being cruel
the bulls rage is his rule

Grown numb to your ways you don't care what I say don't be surprise when things don't go your way
Tilt your head forward trying to state down
No one cares now why worry about it not
Mindless drone you don't know me texting always on the phone
You my humiliate other but when someone fixes you lip play the victim
Starting it and finishing it lots of actions and thoughts
One gets done the others just begun
Feel the words flow emotions  come out and together makes things sound meaningful and stronger together

Not thinking of the past or focused on the ending
Living in th moment getting through the day
Working for change doing it right
I sit and think what if things went according to plan
No more detour get to point A and B
Shake away the hurt over all dirt kicked my way

All this waiting and uncertainy is giving me painic attacks making it hard to breathe
I feel my heart racing shortness of breath
My thoughts racing trying to control my pulse
Nerves enraged making it hard for me to engage
Focused on writing room spinning around
Keep my emotions from goin astray
Sooner or later things will go my way
I've learned the era of my ways and the mistakes
Behaving and hoping this will get back on track
On the right path find my way back.

I love her passionate smile
Eyes that make me lose my thoughts
When I make eye contact
Her beauty is like no other
Those flirtatious vibes gets stronger
We talk about going out
But never make time to do so
I like the time we spend
If we ever go to lunch or on break together
It makes the day much better

I'm doing well this is my 3rd no energy drinks giving up a bad habit I took up once I quit drinking. Thankful for my support group who call me my actions if I'm falling back into those habits.
My love life had been stale I don't need anyone to be happy. Found happiness in my passion and what I love not in other individuals. My friend seen a girl who he thinks would be my type. He's the worse match maker ever but that's my opinion how do you hype a person up if you dk anything about a person.
I'm feeling good relationships aren't everything. I'm focused on JJ and writing they keep me sane. On the  mats I learn my techinque get better if not let the person I train with better.
Writing has been my way to figure things out not so angry or looking back but letting go. Moving forward the only story I can get lost in is moment I don't want to forget. I let go do I can live now life is about going forward not back

My honesty doesn't get others on my side
Opposed for speaking the truth
Saying what others think
The only one with courage to speak against the norm
Never in my favor so I'm whatever
I've been noble and loyal over all the lies
Sick of betrayal  giving my all
Not feeling good enough that has to change
Better than those who have been there longer
Don't keep me down or back because your insecure
You might not hear what I've said my actions louder than your oppression

I feel a struggle within
Two mind sets on on health the on a career
Only if the two would weave together
Instead of repellent for one another
Don't like how everythings like a contradiction
Not sure how to handle the situation
But know it must be done!
I want things to change and frustrated it hasn't happened.
More time spent on becoming someone I'm not
Instead of being the person I'm meant to be
Don't be this way don't do that
I'd like to be hearing that's what you should be doing ir your doing right on the path to destiny

Went for a jog steady tempo
Reggae beats keep the feet moving
Refreshing shower after running an hour
Writing out thoughts listening to music
The sounds and beats set a mood
Writing helps reflect grow take notes on progress
Be the best never settle for less
Stress your life and get it done
Don't get involved with drama
You know nothing about mind your business
Life seem easier and less hectic
Roll solo find peace in the heart give those messing up peace of mind
Not trying to care doesn't mean one doesn't understand

Haven't tapped into my darkside
Being a peaceful hippie who's at ease
Free of the death grip my exes had
The scars healed I try not to let them remind me of a bad time
I wanted what I couldn't have
With someone I could learn to love
Not living a lie or hurting myself cry
I smile and feel good starting over
Get back on my own have a place to call home
Older and wiser not making the same mistakes
No room for failure or taking no when you've done nothing but right trying not to be hated or fight
My image persona in a new light

I do respect my elders but some run their mouth like immature teens.
I don't need negative reinforcements to do things
You an the rest of the battl axed ridicule and embarrass those who are growing up trying to be their own persons
I understand they want the best for me but they need to cut the crap since they are contributing
Towards my future I'm not trying to divorce and be another statistic
I may not be the greatest person but I'm a better person than their kid
They seriously have the nerve to judge others
I'm respect and don't expect much while others demand the world of me
I'm not hiding anymore in time ill throw it back in their face
I know once I start speaking my mind they won't talk to me make it seem I'm the disrespectful one for speaking the truth
They start It but little do they know I'm the type who exposes them shutting them up they are the last ppl who should be talking

Most get dropped off or fly
Hate to say goodbye
12 hour bus ride
Half by train
From so-cal to nor-cal
Part of two worlds
That will never unite
One my hometown
The other where I spent my adult career
Towns differ buy I made my way
Hippie town healthy living
Other full of brown proud of the town
sunny days shine on city
Rainy days in the boonies
One I get love the other filled with hate
I don't care where I'm at I want to be great

She holds me tight
After a long day
She kisses me good night
Big spoon lil spoon in bed
Sharing a bed get rest together
Under warm blankets and cuddle
Talk and share before falling a sleep
Kiss and pray lay together
watching tv sleep her heart on you arm
Her head on you chest
Holding hands sleep
Best feeling is waking up next to one another
1st thing you see is each other

I think I threw my arm out playing catch its fun to be involved push myself to belong and feel I belong proving myself.
That's the feeling I love most about sports always doing my best try to be my best on and off the field. I like my training and efforts to go towards something. I want to be in an MMA match before I'm 30 I don't look my age and told myself I'd be in better shape than a teen or better. I've set personal goals I have to stop letting other factors play a role.
Today was an emotional expressing myself being able to have a connection  to something I love.
I do miss coaching but don't want to go back my staff treated me unfair but starting new is the way to get over the bad that's going on.

Don't volunteer if you can't follow through
Over all the talk it's best if you walk away
Take the nonsense else where
Talking like you care so there
Wrong to others talk about fairness
Not getting caught up in the craziness
Your not dumb you only make dumb decisions
Hope you take what I say into consideration
If not I tried I was honest don't say everyone lies to you
Bothered or hurt when others disapproval of you
The pain caused seen as a lost cause
Feelings of regret dispiting you and those crooked ways

I think about how km going to die I'm thinking heart attack I have a hard time expressing myself. I feel the anger and rage implode within. I think about what I want to say but when it comes into putting the plan to explode.
I feel the power drain and shutdown I end up mad at myself it sounds awesome in my head but when it comes to speaking it I lose my train of thought or say stuff I never thought of saying.

Hard to sleep but found peace
Insane thought for dramatic change
Felt I can be and do more the opportunity
Never occured but you work for that moment
Train for that day so it doesnt conume
The stress of knowing you can
But not given a chance
Heart set on more but dealing with less
You could protest still stuck lies
Break through one barrier faced with another
Love cant start not ready to commit
Cant move up at work till they find time to train
Writing takes time find the right words
Something of my own from within
My life is simple but a complicated mind
Think outside the box instead of being boxed in
Make a difference but being different
Why blend in when you can stay out
Not like the rest meant to be the best

i might not give a ****
it doesnt mean i dont understand
everyone has troubles some like is sured double
the hurt is real but dont let it dictate faith
dont not become or do everything you oppose
never let evil close your heart
after being hurt start over youll be alright
one night you figure out it gets old
your tired of living with cold feelings
change begins within you
keep fighting even if you dont win

The night was right it ended wrong
Heard something that hit a nerve be strong
No more self destruction cope with the pain
Good memories drown out not much to gain
Trusting the wrong want to believe it ends right
You can leave won't be around forever
Eventually say whatever find the confidence to start over
Not settling for less all I want is the best
I'm not perfect but want to be close to doing so
Lots of personal growth seeking closure
Hurting find the power within to forgive
I don't want to give up sometime you have to move on
Tears of relief and new beginings just believe
Don't blame yourself its not you
Sometimes lies are mistaken for the truth

Always ready to mingle
The girls with the vibe never single
Pursue her but get no love
Reject her smothered with obsession
Get together usually whatever
Sometimes it does get better
She avoids phone calls
Turns a cold shoulder
Someone else in mind
Never did anything to hurt her
Things were great don't want to dessert her
No reason or explanation
Just eyes of hate empty emotionless stares
Told the truth she's living a lie or has a secret

No more broken within feelings
Lacking empathy for others
Able to look in the mirror and say looking good
Im proud of mt efforts others might try to kick me down but im not staying down
Im smiling because the world ***** but im awesome
I laugh because I have a sense of humor others dont appreciate
Im glad to have an honest grandma shes so honest it hilarious ive never laughed so hard in my life
Hanging with my cousin his parents threw him out hes an outcast like me thats we get along so well.
Not dating because its not for me I love women but they dont love themselves so they dont have time for me since they are figuring it out
Im enjoying my books its fresh perspective hoping to find my writing style I feel something is missing
The gym is my escape Im getting my body back I chunked up working on my gut and soft core

If its not one person it's another
Check one and have to take on the next person in line
I dislike dealing with bs ppl who ignorant
Most of all oblivious to their errors and flaws
Time and time again km proving myself to ppl who useless and a waste of my time
It's heart breaking to know someone you admire is a disappointment
Everyday I feel united and strong while someone tries to weaken me and lower my ranks
I don't care to replace or be the next I want to be me and go my own! I've made my point and stood my ground I'm taken lightly but one day the ppl rattling my world theirs will crumble

Just because you lie to others don't try that with me
I've always been true and honest something you don't see
With you or without you keep staying true to myself
Loyal and devoted to my heart I finish what I start
Love me don't care if you hate me your the one who wanted to date me
I had it rough but had enough so taking off to better
Not staying read this letter you think you could do better your attitude makes things whatever
You could reject me god is the kne who protects me
You let me go don't be mad when you see me with someone better

When I hurt I want to destroy myself
Too many mistakes I wish I could forgive myself for
Mind my mouth because others have it good
Things get worse for me it feels no one wants me around
Fell so hard I just want to stand over being kept down
Jobless to working with no time off
Making money too serious no time for fun
I can't run its like going back over the setback
I'm not worried for others id like them to stay
But they come and go like the seasons
I have my reason I stay away
Wives hate me accused of wrong
Friends disown me over a girl
I've failed in relationships I put my friends 1st
When I'm going through a break up it feels like nothing is pure
Or doesn't mean anything forgotten with time in the past

A day of rest heart at peace
Things are well can't complain
Better than feeling life is insane
Overwhelmed with stress
Not settling for less
If its meant to be it will happen
Fall in place like is suppose to
A comfort smile on my face
I've always wanted a family
Grew up feeling like an outcast
A place to call my own
Something worth my time
Able to pursue tired of failure and setback
Moving forward not looking back
Focused on a comeback
Making the most of what I own
Don't care to be well known
Doing what I know

Only if I could draw
what I see in my mind
Pencil to paper
Shade for dimensions
Fine lines dark and light
Giving life to the imagination
A look into another world
Showing the vision created
Creatures of another place
Life redefined Come to life
Through the lead point
Paper the foundation
Emotions and creatures alive
Before the eyes

From a child tears filters out
Told not to cry or show any emotions
The child grows up crying with
Everything seemed wrong as a child
As one ages everything is alright
There are invisible lines one is not allow to cross
don't lie but no one wants to tell the truth
Everything doesn't seem what it's meant to be
You cry within questioning authority
Mouth kept shut
When opened it's seen as disrespectful
Show others respect they neglect to do the same
The hurt inside boiling deep
Pressure release through tears
Crying out in rage standing up to the oppressors
Ask for help they turn their back
Push them away comeback with false concerns

Im not dating because it gets to me
Others think im depressed im fine
Ive been reading and in the gym
Those are my fixed aldo loud music
I dont think or talk about the ex
People who betray me are dead to my heart
I dont bother with them and hope they dont come into contact with me ever again
Ive always been open and honest
Not making time for phony people
Its hard to keep things situated but manageable
Work is for work leave home troubles at home
I understand everyone has a struggle but dont let it consume you

i lke to stand out in crowds
socialize amd meet new ppl
may not be tall but im a big figure
my smile unique eyes have that sparkle
make ppl laugh and smile makes my day
pray to be understood and play music loud
punk my style diy (do it yourself)
my heart beats like a drum solo in metal music
my lyrics deep amd dark my world is dark but full of strength
remember the day i change for the better
being funny usually means my sense of humor is mistake for weakness
one day i plan to be a radio personal
one day publish something that will give new perspective
may not ne the best one but im he right one for the job i see myself doing
coaching was fun but the competitive edge comes out
mma is another favorite sport of mine
the possiblities light my mind up
i call the sport and game how i see it, i found respect what you love
pursue it with all you have to give it will bring the best out of you
if not you can bring the best out in others

Things are well legs are sore from powerlifting
Working on lyrics for my demo project not sure when but its in the works.
Trying to stop eatting fatty foods another lifestyle change to be fit my friend said get in shape and everything will come to you.
Been smiling more avoiding negative ppl
Not talking to girls who are consumed by drama
I refuse to let them bring me down. Ive always seen potential but if they dont thats on them.
Ive been laughing with people who appreciate my laughter and sense of humor. Im behaving not trying to drown out my anxiety with alcohol
Or be sad over some girl who doesn't want me.
Staying positive ive always been one to change things or ask why cant things be change but I mind my business

I've changed my writing not so bitter and *******
Focused on good giving into positive vibe
To insult a person means your small inside
Believe in yourself when others don't
Try and gain from the experience

The old neighborhood most of the kids moved off the block. Only one kid still lives there he's the lifer. Most of the kids got in trouble with the law or triangles in their bad habits. Growing up I was the chubby kid but I heard fat more often.
Before my brother passed on I had someone to hang with I have more siblings but I'm the oldest by six year most of my siblings are 3 years apart. I'm the oldest of 6 kids but there's 5 now.
We grew up on a coda sack lived in a 2 bedroom house. I don't like to go back but when I pass by it reminds me of my youth a kid who wanted to get out. I'm not the great big brother but I've learned to understand by watching my siblings grow up.

I try to be nice and it's mistaken for weakness
Just because your shady that doesnt roll
You talk but I'll check you mouth
Act hard but truth is your weak
You can't will alone come back in numbers
I'll take you all on pick you off one at a time
Your mad but your rude I have no time for attitude
You make my blood boil burn out of my skin
My patience runs thin term oil blows out
Hate the way you act now you don't have a comeback

We cant be friend's because your boyfriend gets jealous
I respect you as a person not a couple
I cant talk to other girls around you because you get jealous
Funny thing is you never wanted anything serious with me
If im happy you dont like that I dont need anyones approval
I thiught the world of you when you thought nothing about my feelings
If I ignore you im the bad guy
You ignore me its justified
The thing that bugs me most is I see potential in others
What i think doesnt matter its what the person thinks thats a major factor

When people say no I want it more
If they say I cant ill prove them wrong
Doing things that they say couldnt be done
Feeding those urges being confident
Hated for the truth
Brushed aside for being honest
Give my all and come up short
I hate that feeling
Im thankful and appreciate change
My motto dont fall back into bad habits
Be better never settle for average
Be the best live life to the fullest

Negative ppl **** me off
Dont be a ****** messing up my day
I apologize your day ***** but it's not my fault
You can talk to me or share you beliefs but dont impose
I didnt do anything so dont take your frustrations out on me
Dont shutdown my ideas since your mind draws a blank.
Take your bad attitude somewhere else

He's my best friend
Growing up always told me stories
Inspired me to write
Be funny entertain a crowd
Hard to impress but work it
Once you get a laugh or smile
He's my hero
Gives me advice
Helps when times are tough
Let know supportive
My career choice
Thankful and bless for this man

3 days off enjoying my alone time
I've given so much need to recharge
Confidence in others runs short
Going my way over being pushed aside
Thoughts of what to do next
Bouncing around ideas
How to put the master plan in motion
The more I stall emotionless feelings surface
Locked in my room listening to music
Watching my fave film
Creating my sitcom script
Writing monologues
Sharing my experiences hoping others laugh understand

Size doesn't matter
If you have heart
Small can pack power
Hang with the biggest
Don't discriminate
More to offer with no quit
Out last the rest of the litter
Everything but a quitter

Years of verbal abuse
Mentally damaged to get the lesson
Emotionally detached from pain
Treated as an outcast trying to survive
Stay alive people leave
Feel abandoned never coming back
Not standing in the way
Depart wondering will paths cross another day
Reach out no answer
Many questions left unanswered
Change has begun for the better
Deep down something is wrong
Cries for help not answered
Learn to make it out of the clutch of guilt

Had a talk with a friend I've been feeling isolated my hours not cut so I have to budget I'm on a list at work I'm close to fulltime or benefits but they don't want to give me any.
I've been writing out my thoughts on my dating lifevom not trying to make the same mistakes twice. I'm talking to a girl I need to work up the confidence to ask her out. I'm a few years older I've lived and she's still learning I don't want to be a road block. Its been a while since I've found anyone interesting I usually get bored or not the one.
I've been working on a few sketches one called failed romance and working on a few song writing lyrics helping my friend come up with ideas for songs its an interesting process.

Ive alway been a happy person I didnt grow up with much but I appreciate everything
I love beautiful women but they have an ugly core insecure and jealous im usually a victim allowing myself to be hurt so they feel better about themself
Growing up with tough love doesnt help doing so much for little effect. The dating world has changed. Ive been trying to find mrs. Right for me. Thought I came close but love is more than beauty. Its being able to understand one another flaw and all
Its been a growing experience I prefer natural you can't rush this process. I participated in casual *** its fun but feels meaningless lust over ppl who mean nothing its been different