Some days waking up is hard because doing things that are not fun. It was but now it seems like a chore. Gave my all and still they aren't doing anything with me. Thought be the best at it and they'd notice apparently they don't care because they are busy covering their end and not worried about anyone else.
It's been a long day and my shift hasn't started and I want it to be over already. Filling in for someone who doesn't care to be there. I've been raising the bar with my work and the bar is so low barely doing anything is an accomplishment.
Always wanted to be one of the crew of course they like me I do all the stuff they don't want to do since I see it as it needs to be done anyway.
Trying to stay positive focused on work but think I can be doing much more with writing and podcasting trying to find away but always wandering alone no one understands my dream but me.
I've been loyal and honest told the truth seen as crazy or weird for having an idea and knowing what I want not a follower.

A cheater who acted innocent
Love was never enough
Playing with others emotions
Lust mistaken for love
Thoughts a long term relationship
Leading to marriage much more
A one night stand with lustful confusion
Always truthful given lies
Going crazy can't make sense of it all
Wanting a second chance to start over
There's no going back or do overs
A one sided love with no pair

Wondering why and how could this be? So many lost over these last couple of months. Seen some stuff grew up rough it made this heart tough. Watching a loved one be buried is the worse feeling ever. Always strong for the family broke down crying wiping tears till the day we meet again. Seeing people hurting only if I could take their pain away. Praying for their health so much hurt please let the world heal. Families divided not about being right or wrong but being a better person.

Staring out the window trying to see my future
Thinking what steps I need to take so I can make it there
The cold breeze against my face, air so refreshing
With a pen in my hand and notebook on my lap
My room is my safe space made it a home
Other than in my head lost in my thoughts
Crazy when I'm out of my comfort zone
Not one to compare myself to others
Always seen as a threat minding my own
Most of the time I don't bother or care
Focused on life my own personal affairs
The vibes are shady the tension is suspenseful
Never said anything about you
Seems like you have so much to say about me
I don't remember asking why are you talking
Its all said behind my back not to my face
I'd take your opinion into consideration
Another fight in my head to write about

Said sorry and still not forgiven
Don't want to regret walking away
So much betrayal, no need to stay
Another hangout with awkward silence
Too much pride you keep blaming me
Spoke my mind said the truth
I'm not telling lies or buying the hype
or saying what you want to hear

The day you sober up everything changes
Drinking buddies are not the friend you drank them out to be
Being sober they see you different because you lead the pack
Once you step down they think they could walk all over you
It was easy to open up after a few beers now the words won't come out
Learning people are sensitive and twist your words
being honest they call you mean the truth is harsh better than hyped up lies
Old friends leave and new ones come it but found comfort in my own solitude.
Sitting in AA was helpful but I'm not that bad
Learned to work on myself avoid the temptation
So many wild changes some came others stayed but was not for me
I focused on what I wanted, needed putting myself first was weird but made sense

He was a lover boy who never got emotionally attached
He'd give his all to these women but they were stuck on someone who treated them bad
He figured that's what they liked and did not fight because you cant force people to love it has to come natural
They loved him but left so he didn't mean much to them
He always wanted to open up but knew they were passing and he didn't expect them to stay
If they loved him it didn't show plus never acted like they did anyway
He was thankful for the time and moments but their minds were made up and he accepted their choices
When he moved on he never understood why they were mad or upset they let him go
He was not one to go back he'd be their friend but usually they were to ******* at him
He didn't care when he saw them with another guy because that was their choice
When he moved on and they seen him with another girl she was mad and never happy for him
He doesn't rush because he still wants to live before settling down he wants the one not just anyone

Love yourself be kind to others
That's what make you unique
Who cares what others think
Too many people will tell you
Who they think you are
Facing egos that oppose you
Taking on assuming mouths
Ignoring bad attitudes for positive vibes
Avoiding scandalous behavior
Do good deeds help other
Treat people right with respect
Remain loyal it's a lost tradition
Be true in a world full of lies
Be selfless instead of selfish
Love with a broken heart

Been down been out tired of going with
All the sacrifice was a huge waste of time
Gave up in what was mine I'll never get it back
Just want to be me not act like you
My beliefs maybe different they wont treat me the same
I hide who I am so I can be accepted even though part of me is rejected
Trying to figure out a way that works I fel and hit rock bottom don't want to be here anymore
Thought about pursuing the girl but fear her thinking less of me
Went after the job and it did not happen

Why is it when you speak up and call people on their shadiness they make it personal. They call you sparky and aggressive for speaking up. I'm usually straight forward and honest with no hidden agenda.
While these people lie and **** up to people who bad mouth them. It's easier to walk away than get involved with people that are not in my department. It's easier to be anti establishment than let them waste your time trying to make you into their product then quick to pass you off.
I respect people I don't care for labels or certificates have to feel important. It's all about how you treat people. Treat your people right and they'll back you up
If you dump on their efforts and hard work they'll just do their job go home. Antisocial with no real connection due to false promise

Running into an old fling he knew they could never be
They actually talked and civil one wanted in while the other was kept out
Getting answers why and where did it go wrong
His love for her would come back but didn't get his hopes up
She was hurt trying to find herself years of being lost
Being with the wrong people because she couldn't be single
The men she hurt became strangers
Played itself and distanced himself from her

Made cuts thankful because some people are not good for your mental health. Lowered your ego to keep the peace while theirs grew thinking they can judge look down on others talking but don't know the whole story. Making others looks bad to feel better about themselves.
This wall of frustration came crashing down because speaking up and having an opinion wasn't wanted. They could talk bad about you but once you confronted them on the shady actions and roles they played now they are mad and offend because the truth exposed them for their misconduct.
They played you for a fool now they feel foolish getting caught up trying to slaughter your character so the odds stay in their favor sooner or later their arrogant ways will get the best of them. No one is talking about them everyone minds their business and think they could impose their toxic ways trying to twist your words so you don't say anything let them run their mouth.

How long will this hate go on
Will we ever get along
So much betrayal broken hearts
Can't be fixed by an apology
From romance not able to do exist
Can't see eye to eye broken heart
Friendship over torn apart
From a dream coming true
Now a paralyzing nightmare
Now it doesn't mean anything

He seen her with another guy it drove him crazy. He felt betrayed and worthy mostly angry insulted that a person would lead him on then act like what happen between them didn't happen like it didn't matter or mean anything.
He remained loyal to the wrong person once he moved on. She would try to take interest on his new romantic encounter. He would tell her to mind her business.
She would play her mind games saying she missed him when she wanted nothing to do with him. He'd ask her to be his gf but she said no but a week later would be in a relationship with someone else.
She didn't want a relationship with him. He was dating so he could get over her even though he wasn't ready. He needed time to heal.
He was one of many never meant to be the one in her life. His actions and behavior would get the best of him because he had never been in that situation before. Being a late bloomer was not helping but once he went through it he learned to deal with it.

Greg spent the week in the hospital learning to slow down put his health first. As much as he loved his job,  it was a distraction from life. He wanted to see and do so many things. Scared to do it alone, but sometimes in life; that's how it goes.
He would ask "what else is out there" annoy with some people because he'd invite; tell them it was going to happen, after being ignored. They would comment on a picture, or post he found it insulting. Since they did get an invite, but didn't take it serious, or care enough to respond.
Thankful things that are bugging him have been brought to the light. People are rude on the internet but don't have the stones to say it to the person. Thats how cowardly people have become. Greg spoke up and seen as complicated over reacting.

Break away from the rest
Aim to be one of the best
Walking away from insanity
Staying sober loving solitude
Withdrawal from drama
Gaining life no more succubus
A life choice made to be saved
No turning back a clean escape
Dragged down by a miserable lead
Made moves away from dictatorship
Free starting over finally belong
Taking charge to get it done determined
The chosen one fills the void moving up
As everyone retires to enjoy life

So his church was not going to renew the lease on the building. He was wondering what was next for him. He opened his Bible and read some of the material about a home church putting it into context. His faith was strong but realized he'd  have to educate himself and be more involved with the world. Praying and meditation for understanding not lost just feeling out of place.

He told the truth why was it talking smack. Keeping to himself doing ehat was right. The internal struggle being prejudged no one knew him. All these assumptions feeling attacked made out to be the bad guy. That person that wants to argue and fight. He wrote while they come at him. Expecting him to over react make a fuss.
Being disrespected called ignorant because he didn't feed into it. Be someone else he wanted out they made him feel bad. Throw up the stomach acid eating him up. He didn't do anything wrong took the criticism but was over it. He had the words thank you peace out in mind and kept a distance.
Over all these false narrative was not able to speak or have a voice. That's why he wrote he got his feelings hurt and felt gutted like a fish.

Over come bad habits but easy to fall back into them
Sometimes I just want to drink a bottle of Jack
Other times I want to stuff my face to fill the void
All my anger and frustration has me annoyed
If I spoke the truth it would get me hate
If I hold back hating myself for not speaking up
Mind my mouth because I have respect
You have no respect always bad mouthing my name
Working hard and stuck in the same place
While **** ups are given praise for doing nothing
My anger ready to blow up like Dynamite
The rage within can explore I defuse it so things implode
If I spoke my mind not the hero but the bad guy
Meant well but everything fails goes to hell
The broken trust and betrayal is a rush
Can't break my spirit refuse to empower those who oppose me
Walked away it's best I stay away no need for you ashame rejected all the shame

He was worried why are bad people who lie and cheat the system reward. While hard working people are ******* over. The people who run their mouth; don't contribute, and quick to make more problems.
We have that family member with a hunch of kids and talks like you owe them because of their bad decisions. They will hanging you by your neck if you make one mistake.
They'll judge me harder than others but expect everyone to cater to their needs when others are trying to live their life and barely getting by. Some live with their decisions and the consequences of their actions.
Don't tell anyone, how to live their life, if you dk their story,  or what they've been through. Why are these social standards Dividing people and ridiculous made up rules. Follow the law or the 10 commandments not man made BS.

Working hard to pursue a dream
Head fight hard work for it
Till he made it didn't happen right away
Wanting his family but everyone had their own life to live
Their own struggles to conquer opinions and mindsets
He made it being a contender finally got his shot
Missing family looked at as crazy
Determined to be someone
years of feeling excluded
Being treated like a no body
Prove them wrong doing something right
Years of being discouraged
Always in the back of his mind
Bouncing back from injuries
Failed relationships told he wasn't good enough
They didn't believe in him
But he believed in himself
Found a way ran with opportunity

He was tired of all these made up rules they didn't help him. Those social standards made to keep him. He's not a product or brand all he wanted was to be himself. While others pretend to be someone they are not. He was called a rebel told he had a bad attitude because he was beyond those who took his credit. He did the work once he moved on they are left mad and bitter holding a grudge.

They used him but it made his work better and stood out. They never gave him respect or props but one day he's surpass them be a lead. He did it on his terms they are not going to make him into someone he's not to get there.

His anti establishment attitude took him farther then all those lies that got sent his direction. His clothes didn't make him, how you treat people says more. He respects his peers even though they talk bad or make him out to be the crazy one because he focused on his work not the drama.

He was honest with himself while there was lying and cheating going on. They tried to twist the narrative because they had a guilty conscience and would get caught up eventually. He showed no emotions hiding a smile because he didn't let others ruin his day because of their bad decisions.

Dealing with so much losing yourself
Not in a good way paying dues
Having to hustle doing extra
No one is going to do it for you
Sacrificing things to be at work
Missing those athletic days
Older now not healing the same
Have to do extra to come out even
From having time to being the clock
Wanting to slow down its all fast pace
Mind goes numb feeling distracted
Body into work mode get it done
Tired at work ready for bed
Time for bed wide awake thinking
If all the possibilities and "what ifs?

Pushing back against the lies
Being mentally abused by opposers
Emotionally scared opening his heart
Physically exhausted coming up short
Busting his **** still denied his efforts
Told the truth seen as crazy out of line
Had an opinion considered delusional
In the trenches doing the hard work
Others observe trying to sabotage
With the team taking on the pressure

Woke up late not anxious to show up for work. Ready to move on and transfer to a new location. A new journey and adventure over trying to talk no one is listening being interrupted talked over. Walked away they talk about you no one is talking about them. Once you made it they act like had your back. Spoke the truth now everyone gets mad. They could dish it but can't take it. Left them behind moving on going strong

We don't talk or know each other
Everyone thinks assumes the worse
No one gets along not able to coexist
Everyone has problems
Don't dismiss one anothers thoughts
Respect feelings try to understand
Years of denying to be accepted
Bend over backwards standing solid
Working harder than before
Gave up on complicated things
Got over being lied to
Forgiving others for the betrayal
Even though never forgiven
Everyone talks bad feeding into it
Focused on the good staying positive

Getting older I stopped caring about material possessions after having an insecure gf wanting expensive designer clothes to make up for a lack of personality. Trying to be a man and provide times have changed. I'm trying to keep up falling behind time to turn the page.
Always growing hard to fit in anywhere. A place to call home a place to call my own. Working hard in an underachiever job to keep from overthinking. Seen you as my friend but too much drama I prefer to stay out of it all.

More to life then doing the same old bull
Everything so boring need stimulating and new
Not holding back even though my mouth gets me in trouble
Bounced back not staying down so many entitled talking like I owe them to be honest don't even know them
When I was with my friends you always hating assuming the worse
Now your dating with someone less but I don't care you can have my blessings

Wanting to funny joking with others some will get mad or offended for the truth. Grew up around people talking smack and took it once you start talking back people lose their crap.
Always open and honest called blunt and ruthless with the truth. Grew up tough but able to find a funny moment through those dark times.
Always straight up because lies are hard to keep up with. Writing different ways to say it or how it could set a tone. It could be deep and dark or humble with some positive energy.

We all have that friend who's a total tool bag when he would drink. Everyone is thankful he got sober. Most people are forgiving because that person made an effort to change.
This person talks like he's righteous making it seem like he was loyal to everyone during his dark times he used and stepped on people to get what he wanted for his own selfish gain.
This guy was easily forgiven never saying sorry while others beg for an apology and never forgiven a second chance. What's annoying is how quick these wrong doers say what others have done instead of admitting what they've done wrong. Trying to remain on a high horse instead of doing the right thing.
Cutting off people with hidden agendas dealing with that has been rough. They'll prosecute others but when it's them it's justified a debate talking their way out of it instead of owning up