A young child watch his parents be consumed
One on drugs while the other an alcoholic
Both with bad habits that would cause a broken home
The week would be fine and he dreaded the weekend
Pay day so this addictive cycle would take its toll on the family
People change under the influence a child watching these behaviors took away from childhood
Feeling useless and not able to help but blaming himself because of his parents even though he did nothing wrong
Worried for them made it hard to focus that he didn't like being home
He got involved with sports even though it was too expensive once season ended
He discovered the track challenged him to get those laps in
His best friend and him would go everyday being in high school self conscience even though all their life they had been heavy set
He jogged the track imagined him going somewhere better different outside his home town things never changed in his city
The more he worried the more he appreciated the track
At the end of the night he'd get home and knock out hard since when I didn't exercise it made sleep hard to do
He knew there was more out there and experienced it
Sharing his world with others wishing they could go see what his eyes saw
His world welcomed everyone even though it was hard for others to accept
He wanted to change the world make a difference but can't carry the burden of the world anymore
Dealing with his own demons that tormented him

Arms are heavy Hard to breathe
Feel like stone limited movement
Fighting back trying not to overreact
Pressing forward not backing down
Trying to change it up burnt up
Going the distance o much resistance
Giving your all in offense
Trying to time it out on offense
Finding another window for the round

I started writing because I wanted to write comedy but everyone is so uptight. They take everything serious. They try to control others moods because they are happy with their life.
I'm usually upbeat and chill. So many ruin the day because of something they have no say or control over and take it out on everyone then have the nerve to blame the people they try to take down.
I was close to death but was still in better spirits if I'm in a bad mood I like to be alone but I'm usually socially and bubbly when I need time to myself people know something is up. I'm usually bad at expressing myself that's why I write. My words will get twisted or made into something it's not.  that's what bugs the most. Why is it when I'm honest I'm talking smack. I don't like to lie I respect people. It's insulting and disrespectful when people lie to my face. I forgive and forget I move on but eventually I cut the person off and don't care to socialize so over the betrayal.

Don't use people or take advantage of them.
I appreciate others respect their differences.
Willing to listen to problems and provide a solution.
I can't always vent but pour my heart into my notebook.
The only way I can feel get in touch with myself.
Helps me cope figure it out do what's best.
I've learned to move forward not stay **** in transition. Sometimes it's beyond my control so work with what I got and make the most of things.
Not afraid to grow and learn keep putting forth an effort. Might come up short but determined for more pursuing greatness

Over all the physical pain
Can't block it out anymore
Trying to be focused live in the moment
Be present over being distracted
Be around family on borrowed time
Show love to the right people
Holding back because of the wrong
Not the one who got away
Never been the one just walking alone
She moved on got married to her one
Just trying to be friends without guilt
Not into mixed signal or games
Mixed emotions are confusing
Being the other guy doesn't settle well
A side guy not here to do right
When she keeps doing wrong

Learned to do what makes you happy so many double standards. Most expect results if you don't prove yourself; they don't care about what you feel or think. It's sad how they are quick to judge than understand. Your situation or what you've been through just to come out even by barely getting by.
After a while you stay away.

They told him he was sick but he didn't believe it as time passed. He felt his body go through changes. He was still in denial but feeling the results and outcome.
Praying for the transplant wanting to be normal Whatever that meant. Thankful for the calls but when they were a no go it really depressed and drained him.
He wondered when his time and turn would come because he didn't like how everything changed on him.
He'd go to work for his insurance keep a cash flow. Thankful for OT but it took its toll on him. Trying to be a lead and example he didn't want to let people down. He wore his heart on his sleeve. Determined to make it not giving up because he felt loved and support not wanting to let anyone down.
He cared more than most because they gave him a chance. he knew what it was like to not have a job. He worked hard and earned every cent it was dishonest to collect money and not do anything for it.
He did his best to honor his word because most don't care or take pride in their work. Quick to blame and point fingers instead of doing the work

He gave his all thinking it would lead to more he always gave more effort than most. Trying to make something out of nothing. He admired her but she was hot and cold. Feeling overwhelmed staying away. He hated hiding his feelings but he didn't feel valued or respect.
It should be equal but it's always with terms and conditions. It just got old he'd  walk away do his own thing. He use to open up buy others made it seem like he was trying too hard or feeling sorry for himself.

Writing at work during the down time
Never the same looking forward
Watched them grow old full of life
As they watched us grow up
Thankful for them now missing them
Hard to let go when you're not ready
Don't want to say goodbye
Everyday still in denial
Seen it with theses eyes
Till we meet again for eternity

That safe space was the great escape
Hated being home too much hurt
The track focused on health
Away from it all love family
Tired of the arguing profanity
Felt unworthy doing so much
An older brother not a parent
Siblings full of hostility
Parents refusing to grow up
Couldn't stay down or live this way
Meant for more stuck settling for less
Pursued more came up short
With a new world comes a new mindset
Old ways of life clashing with the new
Trying new things forgetting the old

The 10 hour shifts got to him he wasn't surprised anymore. He just stopped caring and did what needed to be done. The language barrier kept him out but he made the most of the situation. He'd rather work than pretend to understand what everyone was saying but after a while he stopped caring. He went numb the people he valued made him feel like nobody.
Another day of proving himself and not backing down. He made it fun made the most of things now a days it didn't matter just get it done and go home. From being fun to being mocked not able to do anything. He got quiet and let them talk eventually those mouthy people would get caught up in their own foolishness.
The numb mind blocked it out feeling nothing showing no emotions. It was all his he took instead of waiting for it to circle back around. Everyone talked big but no one did anything about it.

Seeing the world through yellow eyes
Losing weight too rapid
Not losing faith staying strong
Trying to remain in control
Losing a grip on reality
Things went bad but better now
Skin looking orange remaining humble
All the things you want to do
Before it's too late fighting till the end
Don't let others dictate your fate
Analyzed every scenario possible
Doesn't matter just be in the moment
Doing it makes possibilities
Take a risk and chance on yourself
With or without support chase the dream
Keep progressing the heart filled with joy
Don't let it become cold as stone
A free thinker not imprisoned by old traditions
Modern day ideals are road block
Will not corrupt your genuineness

Thinking about running
An older body competing
Comparing youth to now
Before was easier
Recovery came quicker
Now a days sleeping wrong
Can lead to great soreness
Can't say anymore better at doing
Didn't like limits pushed through
An internal struggle knowing
Being able to do so without limits
Waking the inner athlete
Pushing through an older mindset
Able to work with around limitations

Tired from pushing through
Not one to quit or surrender
No pressure no diamond
Trying to survive burnt out
Working harder to feel alive
Back up from being down
Set the tone grinding through
Breaking the rules making your own
Loyal to the wrong people
A moral code still doing whats right
Against the odds still surpassing
Thriving through to the end
Not one to complain just do the work
Make the most of the situation
Don't pretending like it's fine
Being denied set aside by doubters
Taking credit for what is mine
Did the work over being criticized

Always saying sorry for everything
Some hold on to everything
Could never let it go
Never forgetting the past
Holding you at arms length
For telling the truth, being honest
Having your own ideas opinions
Someone is always mad
Telling others to change bad habits
Never want to change remain the same
Stuck in their ways addicted to old feelings
Trying to relive old emotions
Moments that passed were not there anymore
Growing for new moments
Scared to start a new beginning
No going back to relive the past
Everyone is going through something
Some in the wrong justifying it as right
The silent treatment has loud mental consequences
Wanting to speak out holding it all in

Rich or poor doesn't matter when you dk who you are anymore
Love and live life Sometimes you fail and wander lost not my cause
Keep trying but so far from where I set out to be
They want you to argue for them but they are the ones talking about you
My skin color doesn't come with a stereotype
My reality is not taboo my way of life is changing from child to man
My *** and gender are not to keep me superior
Don't care for labels
My beliefs and religion are not the same

A broken soul trying to heal
Struggle within dealing with change
Sometimes its not for the better
Stuck with the worse
Trying to be better
Wanting the best got less
Stuck with others problems
Working with what's given
Back and forth with emotions
Writing to cope with feelings
Gave that up not going back
Never again now facing it
Prefer to not be around it

Feels like time is running out
Always starting over from the bottom
Focused on the top tired of being kept out
Not always where I belong trying to figure it out
Working twice as hard to barely come out even
Done what's right things don't turn out right
Made mistakes never hear the end of them
Far from perfect and no where near perfection
Learned and growing results are not showing
Happiness within is not enough struggle within is tough
Gave my all came up short crazy to come back for more
Work hard to shut them up not lettting up
they find an excuse to run their mouth
Tearing myself a part within changed my ways
Not falling back into bad habits or looking back

Things have changed never the same from how he remembered them. He sees his parents they have white hair. His best friend married and kids. He seen more for himself but ended up being an average joe. He went to college, but things didn't panel out accordingly. After a unhealthy relationship, he decided to stay single better himself.
He took detours and the scenic route eventually arriving to his destination. Lots of falling but he kept getting up. Tried came up short  learn from his failed attempts. He kept an open mind willing to learn grow as a person.
He thought his best friend would stay close; they'd get old together, but all they did was grow apart living different lives wanting opposite from one another. Once he sobered up the world seem, so different; a clean mind made him listen observe things didn't always appear what was being said.

Being called crazy for having a dream only you can see it makes sense in your mind. Having an opinion being different seen as delusional. They aren't helping anyone but themselves why are they talking.
You forgive them and move on because those burdens weigh down your heart. Give yourself peace and closure over holding a grudge. Reading the bible helps fill the empty within. Loving them even if they don't love you back. Staying strong moving through the bad everything will be okay get better. Praying for them because they are set in their ways. Trying to do things with God's way trust the plan. The internal struggle and faith find balance

He stood in the room with his oppressors
Not listening or interested in their opinion
He didn't acknowledge them because they shut him out
Trying to tell him how to act and who to be
When he did nothing wrong
This wasn't the first time
He never said anything about them
They called him ghetto and delusional
He forgave them this time he'd cut the cord
He learned his lesson this time around
They didn't talk to him he was use to being ignored
He was use to their worse so he wasn't surprised anymore
They had way more going on it didn't make sense why they came at him
They never helped quick to make things seem worse than what they are

He couldn't pretend nothing couldn't happen. Give up his believes because something was trending. Using to being rejected being cancelled didn't bother him. He was always writing to express himself. Tired of his words being twisted and being excluded for having an opinion wanting to be an individual.
He might have missed out or made mistakes but didn't no compromise his integrity to be accepted. Not everyone will agree or get along because everyone has a different situation or grew up differently. Some have more than others while some have to work to get what they have.
Best advice given was do it yourself no one is going to do it for you. Do your own thing most of all treat others right even if you don't see eye to eye. Give them space you don't know their struggle or what they are going through.
Getting older is exhausting no time for hate or hold onto festering grudges that won't be settled or come to terms dude to stubborn pride and arrogant egos.

Transfer day come to find out an old lead called the new lead spreading lies slandering his character. This rat face ******* tried to be controlling and full of himself a job title that held no meaning.

If you're in the trenches working trying to help respect was earned and gain. This useless lead demanding to be informed so he could pass it off to someone else. Taking the credit being arrogant full of himself. Before it bothered now it's a laughable moment.

Had to go through someone else's crazy to make you stronger and better person. You can't help them but learned who not to be and be better. Working hard to make sure it got done in a timely consistent manner.

He didn't get how people moved on right away quick to replace an old love. It's puzzling for him. He knew married people who go divorced things are not what they appear. In a loveless relationship where cheating ia allowed. Why would anyone want to share their loved one. Before they'd fight for one another. Now they gave up on what they had.
He said he loved her and ahe was quick to replace him. She loved him but he didn't feel the same way back. He didn't force it and things didn't feel right or natural. He knew her secrets she asked why he never tried. He never knew it was an option or if the thought crossed his mind.

Staying motivated no one seems to care
Seeing opportunities others gave up
Slowing down getting burnt out
Trying to lead by example by doing
Stepping it up Not backing down
Body bruised feeling sore trying to relax
Dealing with change is hard
Things can get better or worse
Just focused on the work
Motivated to move not learning anything
Done everything looking for a challenge

That internal struggle within fueling the words to write. The internal struggle losing sleep refusing to accept defeat. Doing what's right not trying to argue or fight.
Praying others would try instead of campaign to justify their lazy. Holding a job hostage because you don't get a raise or not doing the work why expect change. Be the change make a difference so over all the nonsense all the defensive behavior because deep down they are wrong.
Too many people are proud to admit they are wrong and say sorry. It might not fix the problem but change comes from understanding. Trying to create lost in those moments. Over all the negativity and hate. Disconnected about to recreate those moments can't go back trying to give life to my imagination.
Scared go gain all the pain when it's taken away. Feeling unworthy too many did me *****. Sorry if I get too wordy. Learning to tap into the heart. Writing it becomes an art of what's floating around in this determined mind.
Asking what matters how can you do things without driven by hate insulted because others can't debate trying to bully you because of your beliefs. Not imposing trying to understand. I might disagree no reason to make me a target.
I'll keep being me something. I'll never regret because your mad you'll forget all the good that was done. Emotions like a loaded gun ready to go off.

Always told the truth called ruthless
Hated for honesty while others lie
Loyal to all the wrong people
Seen their true colors had to cut ties
Sending love rejecting  hate by toxic ppl
She cheated trying to blame
Instead of owning up its over now
Once cared not taking the manipulation
Moving forward with life not back
Investing in the future not drugs, and alcohol
Working to help family not steal by use people
Over the false promises empty comments
Over the two-faced attitude ****** remarks
When you don't get your way

You want to matter but your forcing your way in. You got hurt so you don't let anyone in. Once your in if you don't like what you see you bail. Trying to fall in love with a drug addict who loves drugs more than you.
You don't love this person all you want is to change them. Thinking your love is stronger than the drugs she won't give up on. Thinking your middle name matters even though you claim to hate it. Thinking she knows you but you don't enjoy people's company thinking they are going to take in everything you say.
Sad how you are nice when you need something other than that you won't bother with anyone. All the smack you talked making it personal because you didn't get your way or thinking you could use their weakness against them to get them to do your evil biddings.
Idk what you think or how you feel but you can't treat people the way you do. You insult them thinking you deserve respect. Don't use people act like they owe you. Not able to debate an argument so you make things personal talk about things that have nothing to do with the situation.

He wiped the tears said it will be okay
One bad week months of frustration
Doesn't define the rest of your life
New week new start new beginnings
Putting out god vibes to the universe
Trying to shine not be dull like the rest
Put out more energy not be sluggish
Finish strong take pride in work
All hustle grind no gimmick
The outcast for chasing greatness
Refusing to settle called entitled
Called crazy for having an opinion
Having a dream seen as delusional
Setting goals determined not stopping
A bad attitude for speaking up
Being ignored feeling insulted
Asked for courtesy to prepare
Given last minute notice set up to fail
Treated different from the rest
More double standards excluded