Always saying sorry for everything
Some hold on to everything
Could never let it go
Never forgetting the past
Holding you at arms length
For telling the truth, being honest
Having your own ideas opinions
Someone is always mad
Telling others to change bad habits
Never want to change remain the same
Stuck in their ways addicted to old feelings
Trying to relive old emotions
Moments that passed were not there anymore
Growing for new moments
Scared to start a new beginning
No going back to relive the past
Everyone is going through something
Some in the wrong justifying it as right
The silent treatment has loud mental consequences
Wanting to speak out holding it all in

He couldn't pretend nothing couldn't happen. Give up his believes because something was trending. Using to being rejected being cancelled didn't bother him. He was always writing to express himself. Tired of his words being twisted and being excluded for having an opinion wanting to be an individual.
He might have missed out or made mistakes but didn't no compromise his integrity to be accepted. Not everyone will agree or get along because everyone has a different situation or grew up differently. Some have more than others while some have to work to get what they have.
Best advice given was do it yourself no one is going to do it for you. Do your own thing most of all treat others right even if you don't see eye to eye. Give them space you don't know their struggle or what they are going through.
Getting older is exhausting no time for hate or hold onto festering grudges that won't be settled or come to terms dude to stubborn pride and arrogant egos.

Hard to sleep writing till the tiredness kicks in
Arguments in the mind the voices in the head so loud doesn't make them right.
Ease the pain release the tension so many thoughts stuck in suspension.
Till the mind goes clear and feelings go numb. So the body can rest and pain goes away.

Douglas was getting older he learned to appreciate life, after a few bad relationships. Never put your happiness in the hands of others That's your responsibility that's what he told himself. He loved people who didn't love themselves and they would mess with his mind making him hate himself because there was nothing he could do to please or make them happy.
Eventually he went cold turkey and walked away from these people that would make him doubt himself and his judgment. The friends he had would bad mouth him but this bad boy rep did him some good more than damage.
Also learning friends, don't talk about you behind your back. He respected them enough to say it to their face. His honesty would **** people off but it was out of love because he cared.

Dark and deep from the head to feet
Closed my eyes and seen us together
Great in my head but the reality a blur
No where near the truth it ends ruthless
Kept trying to make it work by lieing to myself
Thought I couldn't do without better off without
Lost in your ways had to rediscover myself once again
Letting go was hard once I surrender this toxic wave
I was freed and saved moved on with my days
Years passed struggled over come the daze
Happy you moved on while I stayed stuck
Once I did the same angered hatred came my way
Free of the guilt of not being loved
My problem is loving the wrong person
All this faith for love ends with betrayal hate
Ending it before it could grow to much more
Not the bad guy but in your story I'm the worse
Failed love is a curse wish you the best
While you play victim and red wishing less
Not more pondering being depressed

I started writing because I wanted to write comedy but everyone is so uptight. They take everything serious. They try to control others moods because they are happy with their life.
I'm usually upbeat and chill. So many ruin the day because of something they have no say or control over and take it out on everyone then have the nerve to blame the people they try to take down.
I was close to death but was still in better spirits if I'm in a bad mood I like to be alone but I'm usually socially and bubbly when I need time to myself people know something is up. I'm usually bad at expressing myself that's why I write. My words will get twisted or made into something it's not.  that's what bugs the most. Why is it when I'm honest I'm talking smack. I don't like to lie I respect people. It's insulting and disrespectful when people lie to my face. I forgive and forget I move on but eventually I cut the person off and don't care to socialize so over the betrayal.

Working for your dream obsessively
Others piggy backing toxic behaviors
Making it seem like they are the mastermind
Taking the credit, she hasn't done the work
Always beefing with someone's ego
Foolish pride won't get a rise out of me
never been materialistic, no one own respect
Every day, paying dues putting in the time
One to appreciate people over possessions
Filling your mind with knowledge
Processing feelings on the page
Deep emotions trying to understand
Not chasing wealth focused on health
A new liver waiting on one
hopefully, a normal life
Time away from home missing corona
Missing grandma, the rock of the family
work piling up, ready to hold pads
Ready to get back on track
keeping up is about maintaining
Gave it to God, can't do this alone
mind worried about losing your spot
worked too **** hard to give it up

As we grow up some of us are close
We grow a part but with family it's forever
Sometimes we get mad at one other
Other times we have nothing but love making memories
Use to being a unit other times we got on one anothers nerves
We pray for the best some can only get and achieve so much
Others have it all and continue to work for it
Cousins are best friends that make family closer
Uncles give advice even if you don't ask
Siblinigs make you strong most of the time arguing and fighting due to conflict of interest
When all is forgiven everything feels right the bond grows closer

Who are you outside of work?
Tired of living up to ideal standards
Over others judgement
Working in the background
Eventually started to stand out
Working hard to get ahead
Yet still in the struggle
Missing family but with them fear of missing out
Like something needs to be done something is missing
Seen their True color now mad they see there's no games or playing on this end
Just walk away Not worth reviving something thar tried to destroy you
Kept a distance never said anything bad

They told him he was sick but he didn't believe it as time passed. He felt his body go through changes. He was still in denial but feeling the results and outcome.
Praying for the transplant wanting to be normal Whatever that meant. Thankful for the calls but when they were a no go it really depressed and drained him.
He wondered when his time and turn would come because he didn't like how everything changed on him.
He'd go to work for his insurance keep a cash flow. Thankful for OT but it took its toll on him. Trying to be a lead and example he didn't want to let people down. He wore his heart on his sleeve. Determined to make it not giving up because he felt loved and support not wanting to let anyone down.
He cared more than most because they gave him a chance. he knew what it was like to not have a job. He worked hard and earned every cent it was dishonest to collect money and not do anything for it.
He did his best to honor his word because most don't care or take pride in their work. Quick to blame and point fingers instead of doing the work

Niko went to the bar and chatted it up with the bartender Penelope. They talked about dating and she wanted to help him come up with a solution. He would find out she had a be.
He would sit at the bar and talk without having a drink his sobriety was key. He made mistakes and hurt people not being intoxicated kept him from being a wild one.
Penelope was a beautiful girl a caring person. Niko was not use to pretty girls showing concern she was nice on the eyes and easy to talk with. She appreciated his honesty he said some funny stuff that was true.
He told her that he wanted to take her out once he got full time at his current job. It never happened and that opportunity to ask her out was gone. Things didn't line up or turn out the way Niko planned it.

Growing everyday seeking purpose
Mind hungers for knowledge
Being able to apply what's being taught
Usually isolated and alone
Anxious to be stimulated by others
Being social but always feeling too wordy
Honesty that ****** people off
Straight forward to the point
Learned to consider outside factors
Read the room the persons body language
Somethings can't be said or talked about
Music to express those thoughts some words are hard to find

Transfer day come to find out an old lead called the new lead spreading lies slandering his character. This rat face ******* tried to be controlling and full of himself a job title that held no meaning.

If you're in the trenches working trying to help respect was earned and gain. This useless lead demanding to be informed so he could pass it off to someone else. Taking the credit being arrogant full of himself. Before it bothered now it's a laughable moment.

Had to go through someone else's crazy to make you stronger and better person. You can't help them but learned who not to be and be better. Working hard to make sure it got done in a timely consistent manner.

He was tired of all these made up rules they didn't help him. Those social standards made to keep him. He's not a product or brand all he wanted was to be himself. While others pretend to be someone they are not. He was called a rebel told he had a bad attitude because he was beyond those who took his credit. He did the work once he moved on they are left mad and bitter holding a grudge.

They used him but it made his work better and stood out. They never gave him respect or props but one day he's surpass them be a lead. He did it on his terms they are not going to make him into someone he's not to get there.

His anti establishment attitude took him farther then all those lies that got sent his direction. His clothes didn't make him, how you treat people says more. He respects his peers even though they talk bad or make him out to be the crazy one because he focused on his work not the drama.

He was honest with himself while there was lying and cheating going on. They tried to twist the narrative because they had a guilty conscience and would get caught up eventually. He showed no emotions hiding a smile because he didn't let others ruin his day because of their bad decisions.

An emotional eater because it hasn't happened yet
Worried how long and when it's going to happen
Sad because everything was going
Now it's just at a stand still
Feeling stuck while waiting
Looked in the mirror
Someone new mentally overwhelmed
Skin is dark with jaundice
Brown eyes with yellow tint
Praying for change a miracle
Once argue now walking away
Prayed for them I don't owe them
And they don't own me
Enjoy your unwelcoming home
Told to bring food no generic brands
So much for hospitality
Would rather be outside than take off shoes to be in the carpet

Learned to do what makes you happy so many double standards. Most expect results if you don't prove yourself; they don't care about what you feel or think. It's sad how they are quick to judge than understand. Your situation or what you've been through just to come out even by barely getting by.
After a while you stay away.

That lingering thought to compete
Knowing what it takes to rise up
Get in the gym go through the motions
Days and nights giving your all
Being sore after training slower recovery
Balancing the sport and work to survive
All that hard work going towards a goal
Always going hard no towards something
Preparing for this event physically
Mentally focused learn apply the technique

Tired this time change being loyal and still haven't got hired sometimes determined to bail. The people are great but it has it's days. Feeling weak trying to find strength within. I know there's more out there use to being ignored and kept out when you are doing good more negativity. Sometimes things are bad and you are being ******* yourself no one bothers with you.
A fight to fit in and belong eventually you give up on them but it feels like you give up on yourself. Its like these fake rules and standards are made to keep you out. Spoke the truth once as they **** you off mess with you off everyday.

Writing to understand these thoughts
Make sense of all that's going on
The feelings can be overwhelming
Expressing those bottled emotions
Being heard by your community
Knowing what your are trying to say
Annoyed when others twist your words
Trying to be genuine most of all myself
Not being what others say
Sick of assumptions false narratives
Staying centered true to self
Internal growth cleansing the spirit
Not what others made out to be
Approval from people who don't approve
Their opinion doesn't matter have value
Like your feelings mean nothing to them

An older mind full of growth
An older body wear and tear
Doing what you love times have changed
Trying to bend limited flexibility
Holding back with strength
Going through the motions
Focused on technique slowing down
Taking on a younger athlete
Heavy handed being responsible
Learning to hold back get better
Be smarter and wiser on defense
Hoping for a mistake to get the move
Escape the submission find wiggle room

Walter was always protecting those who hurt him. He was always up beat and positive once he started talking about no one seemed to believe him.
Walter was a family man that grew up with tough love. It felt like he has to earn the love of his parents and family to be accepted. He wanted to be himself without compromising his growth. It was important to be an individual not just another face in the crowd.
He respected the normals, and values that he grew up with, but didn't agree with some. He picked and chose what he liked because some were restricting and limiting him.
Walt was tired of holding back putting his life on pause because something was missing. He decided to live and hope it would all fall into place.

Missing that old life means you've grown and preparing for something more. Reject becomes easy to expect since no one could provide a reason. After being denied a few times life feels like you're living in denial.
Thinking of ways to exist and stand out just to be ignore talked about. Once you stop caring by focusing on what you love the world doesn't seem so dark. Trying to please people who don't like you that made up their mind about you. Tired of explaining yourself to people that aren't interested in your life.

Staying motivated no one seems to care
Seeing opportunities others gave up
Slowing down getting burnt out
Trying to lead by example by doing
Stepping it up Not backing down
Body bruised feeling sore trying to relax
Dealing with change is hard
Things can get better or worse
Just focused on the work
Motivated to move not learning anything
Done everything looking for a challenge

Denied the right not going to argue or fight
Walking away it's going to be a war
Say something that might lead to regret
Miscommunication to be right instead of a solution
Insults making things personal
Invalid argument no results just personal attacks
Clearly wrong trying to justify things
Sad family is divided no one talks
Assumptions growing in the mind
No one is talking about you get over yourself
Making others take your side doesn't make you right.
It fuels a bad person to destroy others who have views and opinions

The unsung hero continues to do what's right
Always honest and it makes others not like him
His heart meant well with no hidden agendas
He helped the elderly held doors, respectful, mild manner values that are lost in today's society
They thanked him for his efforts but he was just doing his job. He thanked them for the appreciation
He respected the women he encountered even though most did not know their value and settled for less he'd help them if they were in danger most walked into the burning fire
He backed up his friends when most left him hanging he felt disrespected but forgave them
He never did anything from people while others his lies and disappeared when they were up to no good
He never seen them differently or judged them but if he made a mistake they threw the book at him
He stood by his word and honored it if he made promises
Was always there and reliable even when they would send him packing once the assignment was over
He lived and learned from the experience thankful even though things didn't turn out accordingly he did learn something new from every encounter

Don't use people or take advantage of them.
I appreciate others respect their differences.
Willing to listen to problems and provide a solution.
I can't always vent but pour my heart into my notebook.
The only way I can feel get in touch with myself.
Helps me cope figure it out do what's best.
I've learned to move forward not stay **** in transition. Sometimes it's beyond my control so work with what I got and make the most of things.
Not afraid to grow and learn keep putting forth an effort. Might come up short but determined for more pursuing greatness

Last write of the night they ask what bugs you most
When family talks bad about one another and can't get along
The intensity wrong the pride going strong but the family will survive
Once a best friend sad it came to an end over a chick that played everyone and even played herself
Said sorry so many times but it won't ever be right back in the days we use to be tight
Had to cut the cord for you treating me bad that doesn't make you right
Never forgiven or with your shady ways
I use to be self destructive set in my ways not like that anymore
No more bad habits trying to live instead of lose it all so much I worked for
Too bad I'm not dead inside from being around others who made me feel like a no body destine to become somebody
Friend to foe these bad vibes need to go no killing my good deeds over your negativity
Wanted something more do who you are anymore in your eyes I'm the bad guy in your story stop spreading lies
Admitted my wrong now your trying to shame me thought you were better now I stay away and whatever
Told myself grow do more for your life do better work with what you got adjust and adapt focused on pursuing a dream
It means everything to me and means nothing to you killer me off write me off use to be close now you pretend not to know me

Over all the physical pain
Can't block it out anymore
Trying to be focused live in the moment
Be present over being distracted
Be around family on borrowed time
Show love to the right people
Holding back because of the wrong
Not the one who got away
Never been the one just walking alone
She moved on got married to her one
Just trying to be friends without guilt
Not into mixed signal or games
Mixed emotions are confusing
Being the other guy doesn't settle well
A side guy not here to do right
When she keeps doing wrong

He didn't get how people moved on right away quick to replace an old love. It's puzzling for him. He knew married people who go divorced things are not what they appear. In a loveless relationship where cheating ia allowed. Why would anyone want to share their loved one. Before they'd fight for one another. Now they gave up on what they had.
He said he loved her and ahe was quick to replace him. She loved him but he didn't feel the same way back. He didn't force it and things didn't feel right or natural. He knew her secrets she asked why he never tried. He never knew it was an option or if the thought crossed his mind.

A great training session he went hard. He wasn't a great fighter but did like the competition. He learned to slow down focus on technique and form. He had heavy hands lots of strength full of power. Learning to do it from both sides of the pads and gloves. He had fun with it. Made it easier for him to sleep at night

Grandma cussed me out
My last memory hard to forget
Taken advantage by cousins
Regret not being around
Can't be around toxic family
Who bring people down
Take pride in instigating others struggles
Trying to bring others down
Haven't talked to her since
Use to be close now divided by silence
Growing up Not a child anymore
Always seen as a kid in her eyes
Spreading her hurt to others
Make others feel worse can't get ahead
Can't do better or get ahead
Can't settle for less rising up