They finally met up he was nervous he arrived early but she was there before him. He was nervous she would be a no show. She greeted him happy to see him. He was more surprised she was early made it before him. He was excited this was happening. She would order a drink and he got a Coke. He was trying to quit drinking, she understood he was stuck in the transition. He wanted to get out of the slump move on consider dating again. She told him "what slump you seem confident and in control?" He said once "he started dating things changed didn't make sense." She reached across the table place her hand on his. He cupped her hand as he made eye contact they both smiled. She was open with her feelings; he was honest but didn't expect much.  This was different but he didn't want to dive in right way. From past experience, he gave too much got nothing or he held back losing it all.
She asked him "what's wrong you look flustered is it me?" He would respond "no I'm not good at this." She laugh I noticed you are so cute and innocent. He asked is that "good or bad"
She kissed him on the cheek you'll find out soon enough. She ordered a chicken salad and he ordered a burger.

Facing yourself everyday toy test yourself
To see if you got it or if you want it still
An older body not recovering right away
From a youthful athlete to an older being
Challenging yourself relying on heart to finish
The older warrior within pushing forward
From the bottom fighting to stay in the middle
Building off what's already know

He stood deep in thought focused on his task
Others looked in his eyes assumed he was sad or hurt.
He was happy go lucky never asked anyone for anything because they weren't reliable
He made the most of his time gave his all
He loved his job earned every cent
Rather then ask how he felt they assumed he was sad or mad
This would annoy him so it would frustrated him leading to anger but he would let it go he didn't like others dictating his mood.
He hid his emotions because it got the best of him
He would focus on what made him happy regardless off all the distractions and setbacks
He worked hard so he could invest in himself. So many struggles in his mind coping with all these pent up thoughts and emotions.
He smiled his eyes sparkled because he was free
His caring eyes made others feel safe when he wasn't rushed or being provoked
He was willing to help those eyes determined
Once he's on the back burner he would work with what he had those eyes told stories shared emotions. He would go wide eyed for being honest because his honesty got him in trouble
Big brown eyes with long eyelashes that made girls jealous because his were real and natural. He was attracted they made him pretty.

People come and go like the seasons
Sad to see them go letting is hard
Others leave without any hard feelings
Selfish to keep around let them grow
Onto a new chapter never good bye
Crossing paths in the future
Sharing a laugh to get through
Making one another smile good times
The journey with many detours
Not so bad with the right company
Feels like forever being detached
Able relate without awkward vibes

Made a witty remark seen as mean
Tried to be funny but someone got offended
Spoke my mind held it in finally getting it out
All the pent up frustration melted away
Nice to all the wrong people asking for the right
Not walking into the traps that trigger anger
Avoiding negative people sets me free
Told me never go against the family
The family usually gangs up against me
Cussed out by an aunt and grandma
The black sheep because I'm not a follower
Fighting to be an individual my own person
No matter how old I get they'll see me as a child
These emotions from a broken childhood
I've grown and out grew those feelings

He woke up from a crazy dream not able to move.
Anxious about his transplant
Did everything the doctors asked
Now it's a waiting game on the sidelines
Went to work early thinking the schedule was the same I was extra early
Tired of picking up the slack
Last year alienated for having cirrhosis
Thankful for the help still able
Not crippled feeling the pressure
Now staying on top of this work load
Having weird dreams not able to understand
Always determined to do and be better

Taught to be down go after it
Not to snitch everyone is telling
Loyal and treated like a cheated
Staight up made out to be a liar
Hustling not looking for handouts
Working to make it happen everyday
Pursuing the dream make it reality
So many waiting to be given everything
Cheaters get caught up not worries
Lies lead to the truth exposed on the light

Why did he feel or at that way he was either uptight or free spirit. He just wanted to be free of judgement but found not everyone is going to like him.
Hearing from an old friend wondering what does it mean is she going to visit. He had feelings but valued her as a friend over his ****** urges that would prolly ruin a good friendship. They got along better a relationship might ruin things between them.
He was confused in a relationship everyone seemed interested while single no one cared or gave him the time of day.
He lay in his bed hung over trying to figure out which path to take on the crossroads that made him decide what he wanted to do.

Not labels less pressure, they got along. He was free not going back to bad habits. He loved her but she was toxic. Gave up his friends so he could get sober. She would ruin the day if she didn't get her way. He didn't take the nonsense it made things worse. He always felt like a failure, if he didn't get it right for her. Other than it being physical ****** they didn't get along of have any common interest.

I'm one to help a friend when I need a friend no one is to be found
I use to talk but now I'm mute
Spoke good and said positive things to others
While others hate me and fake liking me
From friend to foe the bond between us is no more
I had your back while you stabbed mine
I fought to be your friendship got denied
Sorry to give up on you, now I must walk stay away
Some days I have lots to share and tell but no one to listen
Other days I observe and watch with not much to say
Thinking of what if and what could've compared to how the reality turned out
From being with a crew to alone cant deny the truth

Knocking you down but already humble. Trying to pursue a dream only you believe in. They'll tell you you're crazy they didn't even try. The pressure is overwhelming no surrender. Keep fighting back the struggle is real. Keep coming back refuse to give in being opposed rose above the hate

He gave his all at his new job working at two locations wore on him. One place he felt valued and love the other he didn't feel part of it. Working extra hard with a limited time slot covering the burdens at the very bottom making a difference. Not given credited being used while someone else took the glory.
He just got quiet worked harder.
His boss pretty much made him feel like he didn't belong. He said there was better candidates. Even if he wasn't the one he would give his. He proved himself while more doubters appeared out of no where.
He was frustrated all the inconvenience he was courteous of others while he heard their problems now he's doing their work. He would see their work and stuck with way more.

Sitting in a crowded room the loudness, but muted it all out. Kept on writing not like the rest use to being out of the loop. Once inside its the worse. He gets ignored when asked for his opinion. Not everything he says is gold but it's insulting to talk and see their not interested ****** expression.
Everything changed not for the better its hard to understand. This confusion hard to comprehend with other outside factors that don't add up.

He noticed her puffy curly hair. Big brown eyes. It had him saying "wow" and gave him the courage to ask her name. Who knew it would lead to much more.

Her smile would melt his heart. She was a cute thing. Hoping to be friends maybe more. Being friends would be enough at the moment. Why complicate the situation letting these feelings get the best of a friendship.

Those emotions ran deep craving time together to be with one another. Being able to open up express from the heart. With out those words being twisted used the truth becomes lies.

Sometimes you take a beating and hide
You don't say anything they kick you when you're down. You don't say anything tolerate so many provoking you.
The day you stand tall, stand up for yourself confront those who are hurting you treating you bad. You enjoy the silence, one less road block obstacle to overcome. You take back your dignity you feel part of your self esteem return.
For years I haven't felt like myself so many judging so many putting down. I don't say much turn my back eventually you feel cornered and strike back. You know your mouth cuts like blades when words come out. You'd punch and swing but heavy handed
you control your hurt and pain. You don't wish it on others the burden makes you see black hard to breathe. You don't want to lose control, gaining it all back; don't want to lose it all again. One moment one second life never the same in a matter of seconds. You stay quiet because if you argue they will. You check them next minute they are playing victim.
Walking away keeping the peace so things stay normal not go crazy. These emotions make the mind hazy.

The smile shared with one another
Learning to be friends good times
Before it becomes much more
Know the person mentally
Get close not just physically
An emotional connection comfort zone
Safe zone expressing those deep feelings
More than a gleam in the eye
Keep the passion alive stay genuine
Let this love be true grow spiritual
The Connections from heart to soul
Be real not fade away glow
And grow to much more

He entered the bar and waited for the bartender to take his order. She smiled at him and said "what can I get for you sweetie?" He would respond with "I'd like a double 7" the bartender asked "are you having a tough day?" He responded by saying "not at all just like to drink" she smiled at him and he would return the favor. "Thanks for asking" he said then took a drink of his beverage.
He would observe the room and take in the scenery. Then would give all his attention to the bartender. He would start a friendly conversation, "how does a lady like you end up in a dump like this." She wiped the countertop responding " I got a kid and going to school it pays the bills getting me through the struggle aka life." He sat puzzled not sure how to respond, she would ask him, "how are you living?" After another drink he said, "Work, pay bills, and adult stuff."
"Is there special lady in your life?" the bartender asked. "Not really dating right now, after years of being with the wrong women learned to make myself happy." He would extend his hand and introduce himself, "Name it Arnold, some people call me Arnie" she would respond "Hi, my name is kyrie or k."

These moments felt so good but it's time to let go. Live stop living in the past a flashback fades. Memories forgotten and blocked out not there anymore. Fighting to be hear earning respect trying to do good while everyone does bad.
He wanted to do right while being prosecuted by everyone because he wasn't involved in the drama.
He loved his family they are grown men everyone too proud to ask for help if you say NO they are quick to talk bad about you. Gave advice no one listened their way is the only way rather than trust in God's way and God's plan.
What he loved didn't love him back no longer wanting to be part of the world that wronged him. He showed everyone love and respect even though they are going through stuff. Stood his ground didn't give up on himself to be accepted.

He loved his kiddos but didn't get along with their parents. All they do is talk about everyone. No one asks or cares what they think but they run their mouth. Fading away from all the forced interaction don't care to associate anymore.
All the disrespect trying to talk about your life they know nothing about with false narratives that they project. Fading away no longer connected but they'll try to blame you. When they started the drama not part of them or one of them anymore learned to be okay with that.
Being talked over and false assumptions is not the way to treat anyone. Not listening so they try to turn everyone against you. It did hurt at the beginning now immune to all the crazy. They do their own thing you respect it but once you do your own thing they impose not interested and don't care anymore. Had to find more positive people to grow and be myself arounf.

What is normal?
Parents with bad habits tough love
Siblings growing up opposing another
When things are weird on my end
Be in a healthy relationship for once
Not be with someone controlling
Who tries to change everything
Or fixed to be passed off
Be able to open up and feel safe
Without words being twisted
That's why I write to express emotions
Able to have a voice with feelings
Instead of fighting for a spot to belong
Love family, but words cut deep

People ask why I title my poem QW which means quick write. I'm usually just getting out; ideas and what's on my mind. Not good at titles, I'm usually straight to the point; nothing fancy, or too crazy. I feel connected to others; especially if they can relate, everyone has a struggle or problems. Some handles them differently, I do it with writing and making the most of life and thankful for what I got.

Getting older I stopped caring about material possessions after having an insecure gf wanting expensive designer clothes to make up for a lack of personality. Trying to be a man and provide times have changed. I'm trying to keep up falling behind time to turn the page.
Always growing hard to fit in anywhere. A place to call home a place to call my own. Working hard in an underachiever job to keep from overthinking. Seen you as my friend but too much drama I prefer to stay out of it all.

Things are not what they appear to be
Sometimes you give others the benefit of the doubt
They prove you wrong also mess with your sense of judgement
In other people's story you are not always made out to be the bad guy
Friends to your face once you turn your back they slaunder your character to others
The only flaw there is the person, they are trying to impress; turn out they find the bad boy rep more attractive.
Most conversations were straight up to the face while the phonies pretended to be someone they weren't