Made some moves can only go so far
Impatient trying not to rush
Plays out great in the mind
The outcome turns out differently
Going for the win stuck with the loss
More to learn from the loss
Gain strength and growth
Be better prepared for the next time
Once was sad got over it meant for better
Hard to trust around the wrong people
Seen good in others proved wrong
Never said anything everyone is talking
Feeling set up to fail trying not to struggle
Focused on more opportunities
Not using others to get ahead
Doing the work not talking

Sometimes is normal but shouldn't be
You respect it but disagree breaking free
Changing the old way make it better
Losing yourself in the process
Adding some ***** to the persona
Being yourself and caring more than most
A good guy turned seen as a heel
Asking questions trying to understand
Having an opinion standing on moral ground

Pro-wrestling is something; I've always loved. I got made fun or teased. It was a world of action, and story lines. Somethings I loved, others were time killers in my eyes. I remember being a hulk hogan fan and then Ric flair fan. With Hogan you are strong doing what's right. Flair had it all women and money. He was a heel and Hogan was the good guy. After the 80s ended the late 90s would have the attitude era. With stone cold and the rock. So many wrestlers had gimmicks or themed for better words.

That internal struggle within fueling the words to write. The internal struggle losing sleep refusing to accept defeat. Doing what's right not trying to argue or fight.
Praying others would try instead of campaign to justify their lazy. Holding a job hostage because you don't get a raise or not doing the work why expect change. Be the change make a difference so over all the nonsense all the defensive behavior because deep down they are wrong.
Too many people are proud to admit they are wrong and say sorry. It might not fix the problem but change comes from understanding. Trying to create lost in those moments. Over all the negativity and hate. Disconnected about to recreate those moments can't go back trying to give life to my imagination.
Scared go gain all the pain when it's taken away. Feeling unworthy too many did me *****. Sorry if I get too wordy. Learning to tap into the heart. Writing it becomes an art of what's floating around in this determined mind.
Asking what matters how can you do things without driven by hate insulted because others can't debate trying to bully you because of your beliefs. Not imposing trying to understand. I might disagree no reason to make me a target.
I'll keep being me something. I'll never regret because your mad you'll forget all the good that was done. Emotions like a loaded gun ready to go off.

Woke up so much on the mind
Jump in the car drive fast on the road
Loud music blairing while the wind blows
The open window cool air hitting the face
On the road cruising the streets so my troubles will blow away
Or on the high way racing so you can forget all the worries on the back of your mind

Telling those stories wild emotions
Sharing encounters deep feelings
More selective socially true friends stay
Every moment and experience a lesson
Arguing with family mentally exhausted
Minds are made up set in ways
Disconnected from the crazy
Willing to compromise open to change
Actions and words do not match
Tried to be the bigger person
Cut the cord turned away
Over all the pain from the betrayal
Healing from the hurt buried alive
Growing from the ***** meant to survive
Walking as a whole feeling alive

Some days are bad most are better
Not letting bad habits over come the good deeds
Love family but some are all about their greed
Be with someone you love treats you right
Why settle for less when you deserve the best
Be with someone you love not use one another for selfish gain
Failed love can't be repaired the pain will strike a nerve
Words full of lies that mean nothing failed out you pretend everything is fine
Two world's collide instead of unite the after math only time will tell

Interview for the job told I was wanted to be the guy. Turns out it was a lie, loyal to the wrong people. All the anger and frustration wanting to spread the hate. Meant for better not going to over react walking away the noble way meant for something better.
Finish old tasks get back on track lots of projects that need to be finished fond peace and close. The person who did me ***** acting like I'm the one who did wrong.
All the humiliation and shame feeling mocked like everyone laughing at my pain. Choosing peace over sinking to their level staying in my lane. Working my time slot going home doing my part going home.
The new person incharge dk my work but quick to call me inexperienced. I was doing more than the lead now I'm at the bottom ready to start over somewhere new.
All the lies spread to knock me down quick to bounce back from this detour. So many lies causing setback rise up with the truth.

Can't wrap my mind around the madness of others they think they are helping but just making things complicated. The worse part is it's my family. I stopped judging others because those people are in my family but how long do you turn a blind eye? How much do longer do you avoid them but they seem to be back making your blood boil. Not an angry person but the mind won't let it go in and out circling thoughts of say this do that. It's better to do nothing instead of being self destructive don't need others to make bad decision could be done alone. If they knocked you take them down with you make them feel their wrath and you take the blame while they play victim. So hard to escape enjoy life when you think that shouldn't of happened, why did it happen? How could've you prevent it but it's too late it already happened.

Another lonely holiday wishing family would get along
Someone is always mad running their mouth
Instead of being close everyone is divided
Can't ask for help or do favors everyone expects something in return
Trying to get something to hold over your head
Seeing a family member be two faced is sickening
Talking bad about a person behind their back being cool to their face
Telling others how to live not living up to false ideals
Practice what's being preached not the exception
Do more for yourself instead of expecting others to do it
Sister with a mouth expecting respect insulting others
A false leader acting like everyone owes and trying to collect
Wishing the family could get along
Share a meal not exclude a sibling due to unresolved issues
Talk to one another instead about each other
Boundaries are set being respectful
Doesn't get your way or change things
Trying to control others stop imposing
Take control over your life first
Stop thinking you know what's best for others
While your situation is not organized

Times have changed especially when you hang out with your younger cousin and his friends think you're his dad. Lately I've been around good people and who are doing things. I like to see people succeed.
That's motivating inspiring that guy is in my crew and moving up.  I can't wait to be cleared to drive and train. Holding pads for my cousin and get back on those jujitsu mats. Get back on the grind.
I was going to say how it is for me becoming an adult but I realize everyone has a different story and does things differently for a reason. My generation is different from today. I respect it but don't always agree. I make efforts to understand. What was taboo growing up is socially accepted. Trying to be open minded and learned to say no or if its not my thing it shouldn't matter what I think. Lots of change is good not always better but it's okay to explore and gain new experiences.

Training for a fight that may or may not happen. At the park working on drills and conditioning to go the round and the distance. So many outside factors causing a fuss. A job opportunity that seemed promising but hasn't been a pleasant transition. Trying to move up to the next level and maintain keep building up. The idea of starting over is overwhelming.
Giving up the old for new trying to remain the same but everything changes. The mindset and body something are containable while others are a lost cause. Stuck on them wondering how and why things turned out the way they did. Not going back but staying away from that insanity.

Ran into her outside of work she had the biggest smile happy to see me. I was glad to see her the thought of dating again brought up bad memories  and did appreciate her as a friend didn't not want her to hate me because that's how most of my relationships end. I did want to try do things differently for the first time in years I was emotionally available. Half the time I'm with someone who doesn't love me back and I'm trying to win them over or I was not emotionally connect because my heart belong to someone or I protected it vowing to never get hurt. I've been hurt and hurt others I don't want to do that anymore.
Always needed a sign a few weeks later we would talk to one another at a stop light. It was nice to catch up until the light turned green. I do think and wonder most say try make your move but that's hard to do we are a couple years apart and do if the chemistry but their is a vibe not over reacting because last time I thought there was something I was wrong one of the worse feelings ever. Not holding back or trying those is not doing me any favors.

He woke up early for the first time in a while since his sleep patterns where ******* up. He learned a huge lesson he always seen good in others and would stop giving others the benefit of the doubt. They would tell him when he already knew. He did respect them but for some reason
They mocked him and thought he owed them without working for it. He was not entitled but knew he had to work twice as hard to get there when he did strive through they would be bitter rather than be happy for him.

He decided to stay out of it work was way more important than drama. These thoughts are dark and deep could change the tone. Straight forward mostly honest getting no love or respect. Just stayed quiet observed listen to the what was going on.
Always tired demeanor changed working through staying honest and true. Things got wild so personal things got cruel.

Jen was over her cousin Ana judging everyone when Ana did way worse. Jen made a mistake or two owned up as well. Ana seem to throw everyone under because she had ***** little secrets that came to the surface. She would borrow money and not pay it back. Causing their grandmother to be sued.
Jen was angry because she loved her grandmother and this coat riding decay would have the nerve to talk after all she's done. She slandered Jens name making her not want to come around. He didn't get why the family believed a liar while Jen was honest and straight forward.
Ana was the worse of the worse she would use people to get her materialistic needs met. If she doesn't gain off or benefit.  she doesn't care about how about anyones feelings. She'd trying to isolate and turn the family.
Trying to take over in rank but definitely did not earn her place. Jen knew it would only be a matter of time till everything came to the light.

Some friend slandering your character trying to take a girl off your hands. Thinking you can take and touch something that's not yours. A friend wouldn't do that sad to think. Trusting the wrong people hyping them up to be left disappointed.
Not a cheater and it's not welcomed. A person that cheats will get friends to lie and cover up their shady actions. No one wants that pressure or responsibility. If you can't stay loyal and true stay single because it just hurts and wastes everyone's time.
Don't have kids if you can't support them it's the worse when a child feels like it's their fault because the parents aren't there. Unworthy of love being left discouraged watching one parent drunk and the other working hard to provide. Be there instead of picking and choosing when to be a parent. It's a lifestyle not pick and choose when it's convenient.

Sometimes I feel like I don't belong
Looking in from the other side
Once I'm in still not so close
So many obstacles to overcome
You seek a home always on the roam
Trying to find where I belong
keep moving strong going forward never back
Hard to get close to anyone broken trust
Be me wander the world be free

He was being social reaching out to old peers hoping that he could chat it up be himself. It was fun to catch up instead of being kept out. Taking on bad attitudes not feeding into bad vibes.
Motivation by the uninspired when around them. With the overachievers not feeling on that level working twice as hard behind the scenes working in private.
Being positive around negative people staying out of the drama being more private but feeling isolated by those that he cared for not feeling like an equal among them.

Some days are fine or days my thoughts are stuck in a loop. Hard to breathe trying to compose myself sometimes it feels like my mind is slipping away. The time goes slower than normal. Hard to relax feeling tense and unable to rest so restless. Fresh air hits my face a sense of feeling sometimes the world around feels grey and dark. Trying to connect years of being rejected and disconnected. Things don't make sense to me but no one seems to get or understand my way or thought process. Heart racing beating in my throat. Taste of stomach acid in my mouth.

He didn't agree with all the lies and BS. Never doing that to others why did they think it was okay to send all those bad vibes in his direction.
Staying sober and clean trying to stimulate his mind open to new experiences while some set in their ways expecting others to change but making no effort to change all the bad behavior they impose on others differences.
He had respect for his oppressors they kicked him to the curb because he didn't live up to some hypothetical standards. He saw it as another way to keep him out because he could surpass without needing their opinions or made up nonsense that brought doubt to anyone trying to better themselves.

He stared at himself in the mirror
So much internal conflict within
Trying to walk with God stay clear of drama
Keep a clean head on his shoulder
Grew up hood not a punk down for his
Trying to be better turning away
The gesture is mistaken for running
Minding his mouth keeping the peace
Cold honesty his words became **** shots
A stone look that seeks the truth
Restrain his emotions no weakness
Numb feelings not one to mess with

I don't how people move on so quick Im one who ponders like Winnie the pooh. I think it's weird how some can turn their emotions on and off like a light switch. I respect they left and move on but if I tried to do the same all of a sudden they want back in my life. Trying ruin the new I began to pursue. Before I would drop all I had what I was doing to make it work. I'm not a side project or an option because the current plan failed so you considered me a back up plan. Sometimes I wonder and asking how did this happen why is this happening.  I've learned you aren't good for me and we are not meant to be. Now I can see before I was blinded by denial but now I'm overcoming with the truth.

Thankful to be forgiven feeling judged
Big mistakes learned the lessons
Misunderstood trying be a better person
Meant well it came from the heart
Things went wrong back away
A load off tense shoulders
Tired from carrying the burden
The guilt within consuming joy
Punishment tormenting the mind
An anchored heart being weighed down
Yearned a lost friendship from the past
Cut off never given a second chance
Starved from broken relationship
Cut the cord never got a reason
Trying to make things right feeling wrong
Learned to cope makes sense of it all
Unsettled within seeking closure
Coped with emotions moving on strong

Today was long staying positive feels like things can be going wrong. Doing what's right not looking to start a fight. I told myself to inspire **** and burn like fire. Never quit or back down start bad mouthing me once I turn around. I respected you while I said it to your face. I'm staying calm because you making me mad is me letting you stay in my head and you offer me nothing but bring out the worse in me. You give me your worse I'll give my all and be at my best move to the next level not go back down sink to yours.
I got better things to do than waste my time with you. Been thinking of ways to change things can't continue to be the same.

Sometimes you look for redos and think how you could've done it right. You'd like to change go back to that moment but you don't belong there you grow. Eventually you feel like you've out grown everything nothing feels right or makes sense. Grasping that moment then it fades loses all value. People come and go like the seasons everyone changes some for the better others just settle. You work to invest in a dream it makes sense to you while others think you're crazy. Pursing a dream leaving others behind you are not the same but others will never see you different. They remember from the past and assume they know your future. You went the distance alone while you start back at the beginning after many mistakes. It's hard starting over stuck in a bubble sometimes you want to be part of the world other times you hide in your bubble. You don't know your place or where you belong once you find yourself and figure out where you belong. Many years of trying to fit in working with what thrown in my direction another time consumer another detour once it ran out stuck asking what's next.

Crossing paths with the people
Who betray your trust
Doing your own thing
Called them out in the past
Now playing the victim
Gave them my back
Avoiding eye contact
So the knife can be removed
Heart is else where going hard
Mind focused on opportunities
Soul free from toxic and lazy haters

Worked hard so I can forget my drama
Now work is full of insanity all the games
Never let things get to me over all the frustration
Something I once loved now the joy is gone
Been doing it for too long now it feels wrong
Time for a change need to turn the page
Look in the mirror white hairs starting to age
From working hard to get ahead
To feeling stuck and getting worked
Not the same over come this hurt and pain
Who I was vs who I've become still not done
Had a plan but faced many detours
Change it up to escape this insanity
So worked up in my mind want to yell
Scream real loud with all my being
Keep at it but had enough it's so tough
Once loved it all but don't want to do it anymore
Gave my all went ******* not what I want
Another uphill fight I'll never win, ready to walk away
Overlooked skipped over no need to stay
Walk with God I pray he helps me get through the day

Easy to dominate work
Learn to take a time out
Analyze the situation
Read others so many factors
Different angles and perspectives
Learning to be family not let them down
They don't need to be mad at me
I'm already ******* myself
Use to being judged by others
People think less for being different
Now you give them a reason to do so