Worried about everyone stressing
Trying to stay calm not over react
Stay invested instead of shutting down
Playing off others wasting time
All in for the win giving everything
All the change in a fit of rage
Final chapter shut the book
Open a new book emotionally invested
The beginning drags the middle gets engaging
End is near coming to conclusions
Hard to take it all in expecting more getting less
Lost interest more involved ready to leave

Some days are bad most are better
Not letting bad habits over come the good deeds
Love family but some are all about their greed
Be with someone you love treats you right
Why settle for less when you deserve the best
Be with someone you love not use one another for selfish gain
Failed love can't be repaired the pain will strike a nerve
Words full of lies that mean nothing failed out you pretend everything is fine
Two world's collide instead of unite the after math only time will tell

Saying good bye is hard
Especially when you're not ready
You are tired Id like more time
One more day to share a laugh
Make a moment I've grown
Learned so much taking your advice
Work hard and take the initiative
You served your country and a hero
Thank you for serving our family
Your moral code and ethics will live on
Still in denial cant believe you're gone

Can't wrap my mind around the madness of others they think they are helping but just making things complicated. The worse part is it's my family. I stopped judging others because those people are in my family but how long do you turn a blind eye? How much do longer do you avoid them but they seem to be back making your blood boil. Not an angry person but the mind won't let it go in and out circling thoughts of say this do that. It's better to do nothing instead of being self destructive don't need others to make bad decision could be done alone. If they knocked you take them down with you make them feel their wrath and you take the blame while they play victim. So hard to escape enjoy life when you think that shouldn't of happened, why did it happen? How could've you prevent it but it's too late it already happened.

He stared at himself in the mirror
So much internal conflict within
Trying to walk with God stay clear of drama
Keep a clean head on his shoulder
Grew up hood not a punk down for his
Trying to be better turning away
The gesture is mistaken for running
Minding his mouth keeping the peace
Cold honesty his words became **** shots
A stone look that seeks the truth
Restrain his emotions no weakness
Numb feelings not one to mess with

He decided to stay out of it work was way more important than drama. These thoughts are dark and deep could change the tone. Straight forward mostly honest getting no love or respect. Just stayed quiet observed listen to the what was going on.
Always tired demeanor changed working through staying honest and true. Things got wild so personal things got cruel.

Wired different from everyone
Told to be a tough but sensitive always hiding it
A lover struggle within not sure how to feel.
Always have something to say
Feelings get the best of everything
Told her how I felt she didn't love me back
I held it all in she left and never looked back
Dreaming big barely getting by fighitng to survive
Feels like things are dieing need to be revived
Hard to breathe need to make a move
Praying for love hopeless with romance
Love hate turns into loves to hate
Career not paying out with many more fears
Over the suffering wipping tears still here
Another expression seen like a protest
Standing tall for change things remain the same
Paid dues picked everyone else it's true
Stood talk for the crew all the betrayal
Turned their back treated cruel
Moved on found passion staying loyal pure true

He loved his family they never talked all they did was talk about one another. Instead of building each other up all the hatred knocking on another.
Everyone goes through stuff but you can't tell people what to do or how to live their life. All you could do is warn them they won't listen choosing the hard way sometimes is the eye opener.
Being the oldest watching your siblings grow set in their ways not telling them anything then quick to judge you for not giving them their way. Trying to destroy you because they didn't get things their way

Another lonely holiday wishing family would get along
Someone is always mad running their mouth
Instead of being close everyone is divided
Can't ask for help or do favors everyone expects something in return
Trying to get something to hold over your head
Seeing a family member be two faced is sickening
Talking bad about a person behind their back being cool to their face
Telling others how to live not living up to false ideals
Practice what's being preached not the exception
Do more for yourself instead of expecting others to do it
Sister with a mouth expecting respect insulting others
A false leader acting like everyone owes and trying to collect
Wishing the family could get along
Share a meal not exclude a sibling due to unresolved issues
Talk to one another instead about each other
Boundaries are set being respectful
Doesn't get your way or change things
Trying to control others stop imposing
Take control over your life first
Stop thinking you know what's best for others
While your situation is not organized

Changing crowds has been helpful
Away from the toxic negative people
Vibing on the team and success
Seeing the hard work pay off
Putting in the time paying dues
Seeing one of you team mates move up
Makes you want to do the same
Be better you know what
Needs to be done to get there
Get more technical with things
Improve your performance
Be about it stop talking
Tired of being stuck
Over being in the transition
Get to the next level
Challenge yourself everyday

He was cool with everyone never said anything about anyone. Focusing on work making it easier for himself. If others benefit that was a plus. He was hard working with little time feeling everything was a crunched trying to beat the clock.
He like to be alone since some people didn't always seem right for once he trusted his gut. Didn't say much but did listen and observe.

Woke up so much on the mind
Jump in the car drive fast on the road
Loud music blairing while the wind blows
The open window cool air hitting the face
On the road cruising the streets so my troubles will blow away
Or on the high way racing so you can forget all the worries on the back of your mind

They left you alone trying to throw heats of shade your way. Only calling you when they need something half the time you treat me different looking down on me. I mind my own don't care to come around. You know me down but I'm back up. What's worse is your my blood instead of backing me up your cursing me for not following. I'm my own person could handle being alone while you all gang up on me. Make me feel over the edge but not jumping off falling you're not responsible for my fate. Walking strong never giving up on my faith focused on destiny. You're not helping me you have no right or no say in my life. My self-esteem builds more confident the less I interact standing talk not letting you hold me back putting doubt in my head not listening to lies these rumors you spread. You'll try to beat me only way is when I'm dead. Deep frustrations coming out not pretending to be your friend I let the drama die not letting you in my head free from you no more dreading the day moving on no need to stay.

Over taking the blame when it's none of my business. You take your frustrations out on me but not taking it anymore. I'm always the bad guy, it's never good enough. I meant well trying to make things better in the end you rip me a new one tear me apart. I love and accept you when you are full of flaws. I accept them while you are quick to reject me. Not trying to argue or fight because I've played the game with your bully ways there is no winner you aim to hurt while I walk away.

As his elders retired he felt the pressure being in the heart of the town the curb appeal would need to be kept up. The bar was set high but no pressure that was the joke among the crew.
Change was coming the trio awaited their fourth member all they wanted was someone who worked and got their stuff done took pride in their work. Not expecting too much but did want this person to carry their load fill that burden without designating it to others.

He didn't agree with all the lies and BS. Never doing that to others why did they think it was okay to send all those bad vibes in his direction.
Staying sober and clean trying to stimulate his mind open to new experiences while some set in their ways expecting others to change but making no effort to change all the bad behavior they impose on others differences.
He had respect for his oppressors they kicked him to the curb because he didn't live up to some hypothetical standards. He saw it as another way to keep him out because he could surpass without needing their opinions or made up nonsense that brought doubt to anyone trying to better themselves.

Dating it use to be easy you ask a girl out
It was about *** before but it's harder to get to know a person.
Now that you are looking for someone to be your other half share experiences with
The roles have switched times have changed
Women liked men who took charge and preferred to be wined and dined
Now a days everyone wants the perks of a relationship and don't want to commit
No one settles for one love but things being loved by many will last
As I get older it does not get easier sometimes the younger generation are interested and not always a match
Age is just a number but when you feel like your number is being called it's not what you expect
Loyal and true to the wrong people while they accuse you of cheating when they are the ones commiting these decietful acts
Saying I love you to the one feels right when you just say it the word love loses value
Meaningless *** leave you feeling meaningless value lost within from head to toe

Sometimes is normal but shouldn't be
You respect it but disagree breaking free
Changing the old way make it better
Losing yourself in the process
Adding some ***** to the persona
Being yourself and caring more than most
A good guy turned seen as a heel
Asking questions trying to understand
Having an opinion standing on moral ground

Times have changed especially when you hang out with your younger cousin and his friends think you're his dad. Lately I've been around good people and who are doing things. I like to see people succeed.
That's motivating inspiring that guy is in my crew and moving up.  I can't wait to be cleared to drive and train. Holding pads for my cousin and get back on those jujitsu mats. Get back on the grind.
I was going to say how it is for me becoming an adult but I realize everyone has a different story and does things differently for a reason. My generation is different from today. I respect it but don't always agree. I make efforts to understand. What was taboo growing up is socially accepted. Trying to be open minded and learned to say no or if its not my thing it shouldn't matter what I think. Lots of change is good not always better but it's okay to explore and gain new experiences.

I don't how people move on so quick Im one who ponders like Winnie the pooh. I think it's weird how some can turn their emotions on and off like a light switch. I respect they left and move on but if I tried to do the same all of a sudden they want back in my life. Trying ruin the new I began to pursue. Before I would drop all I had what I was doing to make it work. I'm not a side project or an option because the current plan failed so you considered me a back up plan. Sometimes I wonder and asking how did this happen why is this happening.  I've learned you aren't good for me and we are not meant to be. Now I can see before I was blinded by denial but now I'm overcoming with the truth.

Ran into her outside of work she had the biggest smile happy to see me. I was glad to see her the thought of dating again brought up bad memories  and did appreciate her as a friend didn't not want her to hate me because that's how most of my relationships end. I did want to try do things differently for the first time in years I was emotionally available. Half the time I'm with someone who doesn't love me back and I'm trying to win them over or I was not emotionally connect because my heart belong to someone or I protected it vowing to never get hurt. I've been hurt and hurt others I don't want to do that anymore.
Always needed a sign a few weeks later we would talk to one another at a stop light. It was nice to catch up until the light turned green. I do think and wonder most say try make your move but that's hard to do we are a couple years apart and do if the chemistry but their is a vibe not over reacting because last time I thought there was something I was wrong one of the worse feelings ever. Not holding back or trying those is not doing me any favors.

Some friend slandering your character trying to take a girl off your hands. Thinking you can take and touch something that's not yours. A friend wouldn't do that sad to think. Trusting the wrong people hyping them up to be left disappointed.
Not a cheater and it's not welcomed. A person that cheats will get friends to lie and cover up their shady actions. No one wants that pressure or responsibility. If you can't stay loyal and true stay single because it just hurts and wastes everyone's time.
Don't have kids if you can't support them it's the worse when a child feels like it's their fault because the parents aren't there. Unworthy of love being left discouraged watching one parent drunk and the other working hard to provide. Be there instead of picking and choosing when to be a parent. It's a lifestyle not pick and choose when it's convenient.

Told not to associate with the snitch
Now a days everyone takes pride in doing so
Trying to help out now you talking behind everyone back
Ain't no one talking about you or your ways
Trying to make calls tell people how to live
Get your life together before looking down on others
Talking about others don't make you a better person
Thinking you are better is not the same as acting like you are
Trying to use false narratives to get others to be in your side
Expecting others to be loyal you double crossed them as well
Sooner or later your word holds no credibility
Doing wrong trying to justify it as right
After being ignored no one is fighting to be around
Make it easier to leave without any doubt
Trying to use others as a pond in the scheme
Everyone will know the truth see your true colors
See through the act eventually no one feels bad for you

He danced with his loneliness while they looked down on him. He loved them but held onto all those horrible things they said. He thought who do they think are; what gives them the right to think, they could talk to him that way.
He was always respectful minded his mouth. He didn't get involved hed provide a solution but it just lead to more problems. Sad and disturbed by the harsh reality. He seen them ***** ppl only a matter of time till he took the knife of betrayal.

Today was long staying positive feels like things can be going wrong. Doing what's right not looking to start a fight. I told myself to inspire **** and burn like fire. Never quit or back down start bad mouthing me once I turn around. I respected you while I said it to your face. I'm staying calm because you making me mad is me letting you stay in my head and you offer me nothing but bring out the worse in me. You give me your worse I'll give my all and be at my best move to the next level not go back down sink to yours.
I got better things to do than waste my time with you. Been thinking of ways to change things can't continue to be the same.

The odds against him
Not scared or backing down
Pushed back not getting punked
Proved them wrong time
And time again meant for better
Not settling for less another
Rising up against the crazy
Moving forward part of the struggle