In a field where the wind blows quietly with a green fence as he threw his softball at a stump it rolled back. Took in the scene at peace feeling at ease away from all the chaos and insanity. At peace with nature feeling all the insanity fade away no more bad memories and pain the silence empowering gain.

Woke up eager and ready to go
Tell me no makes me want it more
Did it myself doing my best to maintain
All the pain heals and open to grow
Feeling myself over others doubting
No love but earning my way keep trucking
Haven't happened yet everything falling a part
Hopefully falling leads to falling into place
New friends old friends just need people accept
They can't handle rejection always holding a grudge
They deny others but can't handled being rejected
Woke up grateful doing my thing too bad no one is happy for me
Been doing what I love so no reason to be sad or miserable
Had it once lost it but working to get it back
Things aren't always meant to be every path leads to somewhere
Praying I end up where I'm meant to be been going strong
Take time to notice what's going on because might miss the view
Sometimes things don't feel right but things are going well
Lots of making it better and not enough enjoyment

Over taking the blame when it's none of my business. You take your frustrations out on me but not taking it anymore. I'm always the bad guy, it's never good enough. I meant well trying to make things better in the end you rip me a new one tear me apart. I love and accept you when you are full of flaws. I accept them while you are quick to reject me. Not trying to argue or fight because I've played the game with your bully ways there is no winner you aim to hurt while I walk away.

Made a witty remark seen as mean
Tried to be funny but someone got offended
Spoke my mind held it in finally getting it out
All the pent up frustration melted away
Nice to all the wrong people asking for the right
Not walking into the traps that trigger anger
Avoiding negative people sets me free
Told me never go against the family
The family usually gangs up against me
Cussed out by an aunt and grandma
The black sheep because I'm not a follower
Fighting to be an individual my own person
No matter how old I get they'll see me as a child
These emotions from a broken childhood
I've grown and out grew those feelings

He worked on his footwork feeling like death was coming after him.
Distracted working drills to stay alive
Keeping his mind occupied sharp
Working with his cousin going through the motions
Life has been rough but staying tough
Around a tough crowd that doesn't get along
Dealing with rejects as he chose to be a social outcast.

Wide awake at the fork in the road
Don't want to lose anymore
All the frustration all the rapid change
Can't take it anymore not the same
Things aren't pure feeling less genuine
They don't care about you
Covering their *** treating you bad
Never had your back expecting it all
Could only do so much in a rush
Trying to slow down on the go
Missing out on life working too much
Had some fun with the wrong crowd
Single living not the same grew up
Having down time overthinking
Not alone others can relate
Won't admit lost in pointless affairs

They finally met up he was nervous he arrived early but she was there before him. He was nervous she would be a no show. She greeted him happy to see him. He was more surprised she was early made it before him. He was excited this was happening. She would order a drink and he got a Coke. He was trying to quit drinking, she understood he was stuck in the transition. He wanted to get out of the slump move on consider dating again. She told him "what slump you seem confident and in control?" He said once "he started dating things changed didn't make sense." She reached across the table place her hand on his. He cupped her hand as he made eye contact they both smiled. She was open with her feelings; he was honest but didn't expect much.  This was different but he didn't want to dive in right way. From past experience, he gave too much got nothing or he held back losing it all.
She asked him "what's wrong you look flustered is it me?" He would respond "no I'm not good at this." She laugh I noticed you are so cute and innocent. He asked is that "good or bad"
She kissed him on the cheek you'll find out soon enough. She ordered a chicken salad and he ordered a burger.

Worked hard so I can forget my drama
Now work is full of insanity all the games
Never let things get to me over all the frustration
Something I once loved now the joy is gone
Been doing it for too long now it feels wrong
Time for a change need to turn the page
Look in the mirror white hairs starting to age
From working hard to get ahead
To feeling stuck and getting worked
Not the same over come this hurt and pain
Who I was vs who I've become still not done
Had a plan but faced many detours
Change it up to escape this insanity
So worked up in my mind want to yell
Scream real loud with all my being
Keep at it but had enough it's so tough
Once loved it all but don't want to do it anymore
Gave my all went ******* not what I want
Another uphill fight I'll never win, ready to walk away
Overlooked skipped over no need to stay
Walk with God I pray he helps me get through the day

Called a lost cause for finding my own way
Not a follower and do not like crowds
Quick to point out the flaw then focus on the good
Rather be happy for a solution creating another problem
Not a yes man but definitely not trying correct anyone or change anyone
Respectfully disagree but willing to learn and understand
Just because you reject don't give anyone the right to judge or put others down for their different situation
Most dk what is right for themselves, how can they say what's best for others

His pens bleed emotions the page took in the emotions. He was unable to express himself they don't seem to understand. Use to being excluded for being different making witty remarks seen as weird.
He cared for all the wrong people all his expectations lead to disappointment. He didn't care for the hype anymore. It was the same old crap it got old.

Always one to think before speaking
Loves everyone; who is fair, equally
Faced betrayal not surprised anymore
Not one to bad mouth others
Nice to my face respect is shown
Lots of tongue lashes to my back
Saw good in them, got proved wrong
Not empowering the decietful behavior
Walked away not connecting to a downgrade
Working to level up get to the next level
Not going back down, been there before
Not one to back down, focused on success not less
Keeping positive head on these shoulders
Too old for games, be real not time for fakes
Speak truth, no time for hate fueled lies

Facing yourself everyday toy test yourself
To see if you got it or if you want it still
An older body not recovering right away
From a youthful athlete to an older being
Challenging yourself relying on heart to finish
The older warrior within pushing forward
From the bottom fighting to stay in the middle
Building off what's already know

Drinking calmed his nerves
Women his poison of choice
Hatred repeating more than twice
Raised his voice wasn't taken seriously
The love wasn't real everyone so fake
He thought they changed for the better
Behavior way is worse than imagined
It's really bad that's who they are

Sometimes you take a beating and hide
You don't say anything they kick you when you're down. You don't say anything tolerate so many provoking you.
The day you stand tall, stand up for yourself confront those who are hurting you treating you bad. You enjoy the silence, one less road block obstacle to overcome. You take back your dignity you feel part of your self esteem return.
For years I haven't felt like myself so many judging so many putting down. I don't say much turn my back eventually you feel cornered and strike back. You know your mouth cuts like blades when words come out. You'd punch and swing but heavy handed
you control your hurt and pain. You don't wish it on others the burden makes you see black hard to breathe. You don't want to lose control, gaining it all back; don't want to lose it all again. One moment one second life never the same in a matter of seconds. You stay quiet because if you argue they will. You check them next minute they are playing victim.
Walking away keeping the peace so things stay normal not go crazy. These emotions make the mind hazy.

Woke up from a deep slumber; cold and fresh able to rest more. Over the year a round summer.
My bed cozy don't want to move but hunger calls it's time to wake you seize the day. Hard to rest the mind always racing get through the day pacing. Breathe relax enjoy you day off. Wake up tomorrow back to the grind. Work for your dreams invest in yourself. Make it happen get it all never settle for less or go with out.

I'm one to help a friend when I need a friend no one is to be found
I use to talk but now I'm mute
Spoke good and said positive things to others
While others hate me and fake liking me
From friend to foe the bond between us is no more
I had your back while you stabbed mine
I fought to be your friendship got denied
Sorry to give up on you, now I must walk stay away
Some days I have lots to share and tell but no one to listen
Other days I observe and watch with not much to say
Thinking of what if and what could've compared to how the reality turned out
From being with a crew to alone cant deny the truth

He wiped his tears stood up to his fears
Family was his strength and weakness
He was taking on the world
Rather than have his back they squared up
He didn't want to go there if he did there was no upside
Someone was always mad holding a grudge he wasn't surprised anymore
He said nothing all they did was talk loud it didn't make them right
He smiled and they hated him for it
No longer self destructive and drinking
Not eating his emotions away staying clear of his bad habits
Staying away from others toxic traits they try to project on him

Finding ways to past time not fond of down time always said you can't get in trouble if you're making money. Get lost in yard work and washing cars to get out of this insanity. Listening to music while writing. Finished a book now starting another feeling the mind drift away from all the nonsense that robs the heart of peace.
Being kind to everyone even when they vilify you for being different. Not a follower or a sheep been making another path. always working on something not sure what to do with it but invested in it all.

He was seen as a threat because he didn't have kids or married. He was in no rush or hurry to do so. He enjoyed life while still trying to be friends with couples but it always went wrong. He was accused of making the friend cheat on their partner how insecure was that. Soon the friendship would be sunk because of random events. He respected the concept of family and his friends happiness till one day he would become the middle man and scapegoat for their failing relationship. One of two outcomes came from this first the husband would blame him for his shady actions while cheating and two the girl would catch feelings for him to make her partner jealous. This middle man kept secrets and knew the dirt but did not making it worse. He would bail no longer be in the picture erased from events.
He was open and honest he wished them the best but found it annoying that he was made out to be the vilian while they would be courupt pretending to be innocent. He would fade out lose contact to find out their actions would comeback to them. He was annoyed that he did nothing wrong but was accused.
He once had a friend that attended college with they had a fling nothing serious but did have mixed signals. He was not jumping in because she was stuck on an ex that she would marry later. As time passed they would reconnect but this time it was much worse a married woman acting like she had it still but she was married how can you tell another you loved him while being with someone else this made no sense. He would stay away hard to have friends in a relationship and tolerate couples.
He's dealt with couple most cheat or in a loveless relationship only to hold on to some history or because of the kids they stayed in this pointless situation. He lost friends because once they started getting laid they forgot about their friends. He had close females too but once they started to settling down as well they acted like they were loyal when he knew they had been around the block more than spinning top. He stayed loyal and true to his friends even though they assumed and accused him of the worse.
He hung with alchies and druggies never judged them for their habits saw a good person but after a while he got tired of settling and others talking he would cut ties no longer allowing people who didn't care about him have a say. They made him out to be a monster hiding the fact they were worse off finding him a target to dump the blame. He was trying to hard but he did more than most gave his all not expecting anything in return.
He walked away got tired of waiting around tired of being mistreated by people who thought they were better but all an act and front he knew the truth and never head it against them. He was not not like the rest he was seen as a threat because he didn't find happiness in others or rely on them to make him happy because they weren't happy with themselves and he didn't need them. He didn't use people but saw good in them even if they don't feel good about themselves.

Sad how people are so jealous of one another. Why can't people be happy for one another; accepting of everyone's differences.  They see you as a threat because you're not afraid to try, step up to the plate. Asking questions instead of just taking what's given. He walks away but they provoke him once you strikes back, unleashes his wrath; they are quick to play the victim.
She cheated on him he confronted her; she cried and blamed him instead of owning up. His best friend got mad at him because his gf had a fling with his girl before they were ever anything. They slandered his name and judged him harshly. He quit drinking but now they are doing all the things that guilted him about doing. His ex and best friend got together to get back at him. He already walked away because they held a grudge but tried to make him a target but was not showing any weakness or giving into their deceitfulness not giving into the manipulation. He  never seen so much corruption.

He gave his all at his new job working at two locations wore on him. One place he felt valued and love the other he didn't feel part of it. Working extra hard with a limited time slot covering the burdens at the very bottom making a difference. Not given credited being used while someone else took the glory.
He just got quiet worked harder.
His boss pretty much made him feel like he didn't belong. He said there was better candidates. Even if he wasn't the one he would give his. He proved himself while more doubters appeared out of no where.
He was frustrated all the inconvenience he was courteous of others while he heard their problems now he's doing their work. He would see their work and stuck with way more.

There was no going back for him, his ex wanted to start over but they had failed before. Why make the same mistake. He was broken and she was pleading because she didn't want to be alone. The tough love and history was not enough to to keep them together. He preferred to be alone while she couldn't handle being alone clinging to anyone who gave her the time of day.
He was learning to love again most of all love himself through the though times. He gave his all to her it was not enough. He wasn't her type she settled and made him feel unwelcomed. While he tried to make it work the outcome was never good enough.
It was over no going back since he had moved on dated right away and he waited gave himself time to grow and heal after being in a difficult relationship. Coping was all new since he always kept dusting himself off and moving forward not staying in places that made him feel unvalued and no appreciated. If it didn't feel right he kept searching for new a place to call his own but got use to being a drifter.

They left you alone trying to throw heats of shade your way. Only calling you when they need something half the time you treat me different looking down on me. I mind my own don't care to come around. You know me down but I'm back up. What's worse is your my blood instead of backing me up your cursing me for not following. I'm my own person could handle being alone while you all gang up on me. Make me feel over the edge but not jumping off falling you're not responsible for my fate. Walking strong never giving up on my faith focused on destiny. You're not helping me you have no right or no say in my life. My self-esteem builds more confident the less I interact standing talk not letting you hold me back putting doubt in my head not listening to lies these rumors you spread. You'll try to beat me only way is when I'm dead. Deep frustrations coming out not pretending to be your friend I let the drama die not letting you in my head free from you no more dreading the day moving on no need to stay.

Why did he feel or at that way he was either uptight or free spirit. He just wanted to be free of judgement but found not everyone is going to like him.
Hearing from an old friend wondering what does it mean is she going to visit. He had feelings but valued her as a friend over his ****** urges that would prolly ruin a good friendship. They got along better a relationship might ruin things between them.
He was confused in a relationship everyone seemed interested while single no one cared or gave him the time of day.
He lay in his bed hung over trying to figure out which path to take on the crossroads that made him decide what he wanted to do.

He stopped worrying about the scale numbers. He knew what had to be done and did it. Writing was his way of expression a journey with the right people he collaborated began to grow.
He noticed they had the big house and not happy. He didn't have much, but happy for most.
He was tired of trying to be put in a box and labels that had nothing to do with them. He knew some used their platform to manipulate others and take advantage. He stood his grown they hated him for it. He wasn't listening to them because he knew what he had to do, and what had to be done.

Doing what I love even if they think I'm not good at what I do. Writing is my voice doing my best to express myself without being judged be my best I'm not always going to be liked or wanted around but found my way with out your approval. I'd ask for forgiveness but the only person I forgive is myself for listening to people are not even trying.

In his mind that moment he seen it
But knew what needed to be done
He loved the sport wanted to add
His influence be part of it of it
The training to make it to the next level
Taking time making them steps
Going through the motions
Slowing it down being smart
Taking calm trying not to over react
Laying on his back trying to see it
Imagine himself doing it with finesse
Doing it right staying focused on the game

I don't how people move on so quick Im one who ponders like Winnie the pooh. I think it's weird how some can turn their emotions on and off like a light switch. I respect they left and move on but if I tried to do the same all of a sudden they want back in my life. Trying ruin the new I began to pursue. Before I would drop all I had what I was doing to make it work. I'm not a side project or an option because the current plan failed so you considered me a back up plan. Sometimes I wonder and asking how did this happen why is this happening.  I've learned you aren't good for me and we are not meant to be. Now I can see before I was blinded by denial but now I'm overcoming with the truth.