Dealing with change part of life
Onto new jobs starting a new
Leaving the old ones behind
A new crowd didn't fit in or belong
Might be easier somewhere new
Will miss the friendships that made work easy
No more taking on the power struggle
Empowering useless leadership
Not able to grow feeling weighed down
All the burden picking up the slack
Filling the void not worth it or fun anymore

Monty had been wanting to explore the world he was tired of being a hermit and work his life became a routine. Be spontaneous didn't get attached people come and go.
He loved to train MMA but it wasn't gun with all the gym politics they didn't take him serious. He worked with the fighters that would compete when he talked about it with the coach they showed no interest. His team mates made him

He took a chance and failed
Didn't want to disappoint others
Did the business then it went sour
All the favors never returned
Helped a friend it was an act
Manipulated by a two faced fiend
Hard to trust anyone heard all the lies
Actions that spoke otherwise
Not forcing it or pretending it's cool
Tired of listening to tangents
Feeding a useless ego that crushes others

I don't really have a type but the kid of girls that grab my eyes do jujitusu or play softball. I like tough girls but when they are with you they are caring and sensitive away from the sport. Not into physical feature but I like big eyes and a cute smile. A big ***** is a bonus but I don't have a type just saying that's what catches my eye. I like mixed half something mix that makes interesting that's another way to see unique it's the personality that is a deal breaker you can be the most beautiful person ever but if you have a crap personality you are ugly. I've learned you need to be humble treat people. Stop letting your insecurity consume you and your happiness.
I'm not use to compliments but I rarely give them out when I do it really impressed me or caught my eye. I'm not quick to say I love you unless I mean it or my feelings are true. I don't use people or have a hidden agenda it's true or nothing.it makes things easier too bad it's complicated for others. I tell the truth not what you want to hear. I like honesty but it's so hard to come by not picky but if you treat me right I'll be good to you communicate don't pick and choose when you want to be involved with my life. As I get older the dating world is slim pickings I usually want them and they don't want me. Or they want me but I'm not interested or emotionally available.
My friends say put yourself out there I do it's like I pop up when everyone is taken or going through a break up giving me their worse I work with it but they go back or quick to get with someone else because they can't handle being alone.
Times have changed when I wanted friends with benefits everyone wanted to get serious now I'm looking for something serious and everyone wants to be in an open relationship. I don't like sharing taking people serious or don't waste their time.

Sober living accused of drinking
No longer the decoy or one to blame
Was always loyal and true getting hate
While you lie and cheat, sneaking around finally got caught up
Talking bold while intoxicated now that you sobered up not saying much or anything
Always the scapegoat for those in the wrong
Got use to being alone made it easier to grow
Don't blame others for your mistakes it's your life so own up
Use admire your way of life turns out you are worse off
Knocked me, told me to be someone, I was not and did not agree with
You cheat and play victim once they leave you and move on
Learned from your ways told myself be better
Why are you two faced; one fake to those who care about you acutally looking out
The other bad mouthing to those who don't care about your safety or well being.
Once I walked away you are no longer my problem and no longer my concern
Use to worry but you like to slaunder my name

Sometimes people try to make you feel small because you are a threat to their power trip. Not interested in that role not trying to complicate things, but work hard do what's right. Keep striving to improve be better.
People don't always listen because they just want to tell you.
Writing has been therapy you bounce the idea around try to figure it out like a rubix cube. Able to make sense of these temporary feelings and emotions putting them into perspective.

Some people could live a double life
He struggled with living one
Working on self improvement
Personal growth eyes wide open
Seeing straight no more distractions
Rising above the hate not grounded
Too many detours fighting to make it
All the heartbreaking set backs
After all the years of doing the job
Now it's official seen as the real thing
Not being taken seeing as a joke
Things got serious very intense
No one is playing anymore

Finding ways to past time not fond of down time always said you can't get in trouble if you're making money. Get lost in yard work and washing cars to get out of this insanity. Listening to music while writing. Finished a book now starting another feeling the mind drift away from all the nonsense that robs the heart of peace.
Being kind to everyone even when they vilify you for being different. Not a follower or a sheep been making another path. always working on something not sure what to do with it but invested in it all.

In a field where the wind blows quietly with a green fence as he threw his softball at a stump it rolled back. Took in the scene at peace feeling at ease away from all the chaos and insanity. At peace with nature feeling all the insanity fade away no more bad memories and pain the silence empowering gain.

When you don't care for the hype
Then a cross over occurs the blurred lines
Making what you love toxic internal struggle
It was already a love hate relationship
Trying to understand but this kept changing
Making it more complicated no longer making sense
Thinking it might get better but keeps getting worse
Being set up to fail trying to grasp success
Trying to heal in a place that cause the illness
The crowds never happy or it's never good enough
Burnt out and frustrated from all the criticism
Giving your all not getting anything in return
All those promises turn out to be lies
Agreeing but no intentions of honoring their word
Saying one thing but doing another
Staying humble while scumbags gloat
Doing the work while complainers Debate for a place than work for it

He wondered if he'd ever be normal again laying in the dark. Elevating his feet because they'd swell up. Waiting for that call from Arizona that 480 area code for a possible donor.
It's sad but the person signed up for it to help others. The person needs to pass in under 45 minutes once the plug is pulled. The ***** is placed in a simulator to produce bile if that works the person waiting has to race to from CA to AZ. Once the ***** is set the person will get a liver as those calls are exciting but draining.
You tell a few people then feel like a disappointment because it hasn't happened yet. Somethings are beyond your control you have no say. He didn't want to miss work, or leave his coworker because work would pile up. He'd come back to a mess.
The problem was they can't get coverage and some complain trying to get his crew in trouble following procedure. They dk how it works but assume the job is easy. Catering to their needs already isn't enough.
Trying to use the union to manipulate everyone while harassing everyone in their little cliques that don't do anyone any favors out for their selfish gain

On the mats knee banged up
Caught in a wrist lock
Work on defense to counter
Trying to survive the round
An older body limited rolling
With a younger opponents
Hoping to burn out their energy
Apply the technique use momentum
Be patient experience taking on speed

Closer to seeing this event happen going down out of town. Away from home to experience the journey new encounters seeing into that world that culture onto something new hard to read signs to clues. Still feeling like an outcast not belong anywhere. So much haze proving himself. He worked hard gave his own didn't complain glad to be part of something. Even if they prejudged him made him out to be someone he's not. He didn't care for politics all he wanted was to finish and do his job right without burden or frustration. He stopped drinking relapse was the worse idea. Drinking with people who assume and expect the worse for problems they made. He took the blame while they were quick to blame someone else.
He reminded them they were blessed they had someone who loved them and kids that make them out to be the world telling not to ruin or mess that up for themselves. He didn't have much but made the the most of things and thankful for all the blessings. He was grateful and tired of holding back minding his mouth because his honesty usually got him in trouble.

When you leave move on to a new chapter sometimes you want to take people with you
Starting over: new friends, new home, new beginnings
You don't want to replace old friends but people come and go like the seasons
A new home is like a shell you move into a new one because you out grew the old one.
Some things you don't want them to end
The hardest part is starting but the worse part is when it comes to an end
A new start is great but getting comfortable always makes change seem overwhelming
The heart is with home where it all started to grow
Leaving is a struggle to become an individual become independent
Some will always see you as a child no matter how old you grow
Tough love made you strong able to sense wrong not easily mainpulated or mean to be controlled
You protect your heart even thought it was once worn on your sleeve
Gone so far not going back older wiser never the same

Things don't make sense anymore
Once was wrong not it's right
So many turn a blind eye
don't care unless it's about them
Broke free to be on my own
Too much going on in the mind
Hard to sleep thoughts are deep
Asking do I have it anymore
Does it matter will I make a difference
What happened to me, who I was
Can't be that person anymore
so many remind me of who I was
instead of accepting me for who I am
Who I've become not sure anymore
Things will never be the same
Grow and changed can't live in the past
Smile is real not faking it since it's real
so many mistake it for weakness

Reflecting on the past in the dark room
More bad than good positive thoughts
Trying to make sense of it all
Lost love hoping to be found
Losing focus years of wandering
Refusing to stay in one place
Hard to take in the moment
Never going back to what caused pain
Finding peace dropping the burden
Time away to heal and cope
Understand the complicated situation
Find a steady foundation leveled out

They tried to break your spirit
Took the crap not doing it anymore
Smiled at the Haters being genuine
Dk everyone is mad soaked in misery
Took on the burden not doing it
Dropped the nonsense walked away
Use to be disappointed stopped caring
Breaking away feeling free from crazy
Silent to keep the peace alive
Focused on things that need to be done
Do what you love with passion
Get away from those toxic vibes
Meant for better a life outside
Escape these 4 walls out of the dark

Called ghetto for standing up for myself
Told the truth everyone is mad
The lies continue to fester and pester
Easier to walk away everything lost value
Only in it for the insurance for medication
Called a super hero for bouncing back
Trying to be normal after surgery
Always seen as different standing tall

Anytime you do a project or step on a stage
You don't want it to end that world feels right
Once you go back to reality it's never the same
That moment of fame becomes a high when you come down you can't get enough

Not to fond of the holidays thanksgiving a time to be around family but year around no one gets along or talks unless favors are needed. Can't eat turkey because being allergic just means eat ham. Don't really have traditions but a sister is making the notion that we should start our own traditional feast. Not too fond of the ideas being forced to interact with brothers that make everything person but claim it's a joke. Once you return the favor they can not dish what they serve. Love family but not like them and never felt like one of them. Blood doesn't make you family because close friends treat you like you belong and matter.
Christmas is a time for family as well but not expecting gifts or giving them out. Usually go with and aunt or best friend never feels like anyone is into the season. After these times are over life goes back to normal. Where family doesn't talk or impose their ways. Not close to anyone because being my own person means much. No awkward conversations about being single or talking about my personal life with a stranger. Like privacy but being able to feel safe when expressing my thoughts instead of everything being used against me for some useless argument that has nothing to do with me because not empowering that nonsense walking away makes it easier then having to encounter misconduct by family that in their mind is seen as looking out.