He faded away didn't care to live up to the hype. Struggling with his situation not taking on others frustrations. Always giving his all it was catching up to him. He wanted to shut down more determined than the rest another loved one distracted sending toxic vibes his way.
Not always right didn't have the answer.

He woke up to get his haircut at the shop with the fellas seeing them makes his morning.  he cleans up well so he decided to get his uni brow waxed. He went and heard all the gossip in the salon. Around lovely women made his morning since he's usually shy. As he gets old he knew it was important to take better care of himself. His groom days was his way of socializing even though he did meet people at work. Majority of the time he preferred to be alone. Times has changed and he did as well.

The world was his when he recorded his podcast. He tried to keep it entertaining and interesting for his listeners. Talking about sports and nerd culture that is part of the shows content. He loved it because it was his idea and no one would change or censor his creative input. His previous show was changed and taken over used as a stepping stool.
He didn't care to be on camera but that element would become a factor. A 3 became a duo the show was suppose to be fun but someone those it was business slapping their label on it thinking they owned the idea. Everyone pulling rank rather than working to improve the show.
It went from a podcast to a live spectical that grew into chaos.
From a simple podcast to something with hype but came up short eventually the vision was lost. Everyone was inside out acting like they made it when it was nothing more than a podcast.

He needed help and got tired of waiting on people
His time wasn't valued or respected
Dealing with attitudes his "help" not morning people
He loved them feeling betrayed
Angry because they are not reliable
Telling him not to stress making it hard
Thankful and blessed not settling for less

The clock ticks and tocks
Time feels like it's running out
Trying to do it so close yet so far
Coming up short another plan
Still doing it haven't got to the next level

Waiting around ready to get out of town
On the road and no where need home
Can't go back but no where to go
Judge for being different but not following
Why fit in when the rules keep changing never in my favor
Not playing anymore walking away is the best way to be free
Think what hurts most is this hate is coming from the ones I love
I think highly of them but they don't see me as anything
like glass looking right through me trying to break me shatter into a million pieces
Works for them not working for me
Always adapt and adjust so much broken trust
The anger is blocked out because overreaction means they got the best of you by being just like them
In such a phase sometimes overwhelmed in a daze. Sharing my thoughts feelings everyone sees it like a craze phase. One gets them to gang up on you they can't beat you alone
The one who's sending the hate ain't anything just pretending to be great.
You don't answer or respond now they act surprised not giving into the lies or making excuses a sorry alibi

Some people change for the better
While others are stuck with trauma
Room to grow time to improve
Not easy to get over things right away
Working harder told you don't belong
Looked down on like it couldn't be done
Treated different all the doubt used
As motivation to get strong
Improving to be better at work
Proving them wrong changing it up
Most of all to yourself taking credit
Stop with the discredit always working it
Because they refused to give you props
All the roadblocks fade onto new challenges
The journey is full of detours
Make the most of it and learn

Made out to be the bad guy
Why are they mad
Because no don't care
Trying to slander his name
Belittle his character
Hell never talk about them
They are not a thought
Never going to be a priority
For their devious acts
Not tolerating deceitful behavior
He doesn't care to be right or liked
The truth will conquer misleading lies

Working to pursue a dream
Lots of body aches and pains
On this journey to somewhere new
Can't stay stuck in the old looping past
Doing less work for him talked about
Doing too much still had them talking
All the pain faded but still intense
All the drama no longer welcomed
Taking over trying not to fail
Not be consumed by angered frustration

Be this or I'll treat you different
Do that or you'll be excluded
Not trying to be you
Stand tall as myself
Even if I'm isolated
Left alone being criticized
Spoke up called them out
Now your mad for the truth
I'm tired of the lies
Not going to take that

Wanted to sleep in but work called me in
Thought about quitting so I can do some living
Soul searching doing what I really want
Haven't felt like me for a while just in this routine
My job doesn't define my full potential
Let the words flow through my heart
Clear my mind pursing what I truly love
Pen or keyboard the feelings and thoughts are pure
Writing has been the cure to help grow and mature
It's been deep since I've had anyone close in life
Someone who I can trust that understands
Always alone a rebel not like the rest clan
Trying to fit in but walked away not settling for less
Forgiving others is the hardest part since you think they'd change too bad things remain the same

New mind set and way of doing things. He hasn't dated for a while thought about jumping back into it but after a few stressful from the past left him scared. I will get hired on fulltime and will get the courage to ask a girl out not be shy or nervous. Need to get back in shape my body doesn't heal or feel the same. I'm not mad sad or depressed I let that all go. No more trying to convince Megan to love me because she's married and has two kids. Or worrying about my friends because they forgot about me and don't give a **** about me. I ruined ivans relationship I don't blame him for not being my friend. I slept with Casey but she was a huge ***** that's why Jesus hates me. I told the truth looked out for a friend sad how they cut me only when they need something other wise they don't care about me. I love Dave but we can't be friends all he does is talk **** blame everyone for his life and negative I don't need negative and toxic people in my life. I love my family with them or without them I'll be my on person. I'm tired of making people happy and I'm miserable. I don't knock people to feel better about myself or use people I find a way and do it all myself. I miss people but I don't belong there or they don't want me ***** them it will comeback to them I'm not too worried. I mind my business and keep to myself. I'm glad she trusts me she's cute I'm sure she'll figure it out.

He looked at pix of old friends wondering how they are he missed them. Some were busy with families others wanted nothing to do with him. He made mistakes and stayed away he was sorry but would never be treated the same or seen an equal.
He could only lower himself for so long tired of lowering himself feeling degraded for forgiveness. Things would never change or be the same so he had to cut the cord and move on. They weren't saving his place but pushing him out. It was tough learned the hard way there was no going back. He was human tired of everyone trying to make him out to be a crazy person since he had an opinion and spoke his mind.

He was hard working
Because he spoke English and born in the  US he got treated different by his people from the motherland. He didn't like living up to stereotypes but did prove them wrong.
Taking on crap that had nothing to do with him. Stuck in an argument that had nothing to do with him. He learned to walk away; before he would argue, never back down.

He liked her but didn't feel worthy. It was what he wanted but it didn't feel right. Everything felt rushed or unresolved forced made out to be something it wasn't.  Scared to lose her but he never had her.
She was with someone else and he watched her from a distant. A friend with a crush becoming a distant stranger. From hearing her complain about her relationship to an awkward silence. It was a done deal he didn't know how to fix it or make things right a lost cause.
He let go walked away feeling like he left part of himself behind. It he waited around he'd feel dead inside hating himself more. Never had a chance or made a move he felt the vibe there was chemistry he wanted to believe but there was always a roadblock or conflict of interest that kept them apart.

Let it flow from the heart causing aches
The mindset changes with each line
Writing about the distraction
Taking away from tormenting thoughts
Instead of empowering it letting it grow
All these scenarios made up in the mind
All these possibilities that never happen
Things play out differently due to reality
Never accordingly the mind preps for it

There was more world out there to explore
He has his skills and talent that went unnoticed
He was tired of being trapped when all he wanted was to be free
Always happy no one was happy for him
They only noticed when he made a mistake
He don't like how they tried to shake their heads
Trying working twice as hard to come out even
He prefer classy and sassy over sleezy and easy that usually came his way
Lived and learned grew all this happened shaping and helping him grow
He was already to go while his peeps where a no show so he had to go at it alone
He'd call them but no response their phone was in their hand
He got use to being ignored and not one to give into demands
If he returned the favor he'd be hate so he didn't play games just walked away to focus on what mattered

Growing up with that girl they called your girlfriend because she was around was weird since half the time she showed no interest. She would correct you or check you but it was nothing serious as you get older you don't notice one another other than growing up together.

He realized he was meant for better let go of all the bad and negative. Things around him change didn't care for the toxic vibes put out by those he loved learned the hard way that he wasn't always going to be liked and can't please everyone.
He watched people be fake one way with him and a whole new person with someone else. He had their back and looked out for them. While they knocked him said bad things making everything personal. He knew their ***** secrets but he didn't say anything. He walked away if he spoke up he would be as low as them. He didn't like others reflecting him or trying to make him look bad. He can easily do it himself he didn't need their second hand hatred.
He lost friend people he valued you like but with his family there was already so many critics. He didn't need more. He wanted to be everyone's friend someone their turn to if they needed help but he decided to stay away from everyone's drama avoid all the gossip he never talked about anyone he always said it to their face. He thought they'd appreciate him for it but it got him hated. While others would bad mouth and be fake got loved and praised it never made sense. He was always over looked and never given a chance. He worked didn't brown nose. He worried and prayed his work would stand on its own. He learned on his own while others had guidance. He wanted to make it tired of looking over seeing the grass was green but he did keep trying to make his grass seem just as good maybe better.

He knew that changing with the times to stay relavent. He didn't want to give up on himself but he would evolve as a person. The disappointment made him more determined. The break ups made him stronger. He was learning to love again even though he was causious of who he would let into his world. He loved so many people found out they were bad mouthing him so he had to let them go. He did hold place for them in his heart but did not get close kept a distance from these people who betrayed his trust.
He didn't like being alone he was social in a smart phone universe so many texting or posting but no one could express themselves to another being. He was one who looked the girl he loved in the eyes told her how he felt things were right. Eventually things changed not in his favor when he sobered up things got easier made more sense. He coped checked his emotions and ego at the door learning to love again. He hated the outcome but made the most of things.

Keep trying to come out ahead
Barely ending up even so over the shame
So much internal pain, bad memories remain
Grew up poor trying to move up to the next level
Fixing my car feels like I can only get so far
Showed up to work doing extra, no one take pride in their work
They been there so long just collecting
Waiting to reitre, they BS so much, want to get away
Keep working hard make me out to be a ****
They don't care, mad my efforts make them look bad
Part timer working twice as hard to get hired
All the fulltimer take pride in being a part time worker
Everyone wants a job, no one wants to work
If stuff goes wrong probably be the first one fired
Bite my lip, smile; do what I'm told
All the talk scandalous lies are getting old
Years of looking up while all this is going down
Seen myself there but not going away
Anxious to try somewhere new, pay cuts and more struggle
Keep telling myself; I'll get through it, it's no deal
Some days those tears build up, refuse to shedd them
Asking for help no one is listening
Wondering when my time will come
Use to be fun don't want to do it anymore
So much on my mind I'd like to crack the code
So I can live life, be on the right path
Over being told NO another detour
Taking me no where, no where near, I'd like to be
Fell hard, failed, keep learning from the lesson

Another black eye swells up
Icing it while it goes numb and stings
Told the truth the argument got physical
Doesn't matter anymore egos got bitter
One life causing pain on others
The other doing what's right
The lioness was lusting wildly
Set in those bad habits
Unwilling to change a fit of rage

The people talking don't do anything
That's why no one talks about them
They'll make you out to be the bad guy
Slander your name just run with it
Sooner or later the lies exposed with the truth
Some get comfortable disrespecting you
Someone will check and put them in their place
The mouth keeps talking and will get caught up
Some have a bad day why make it worse
If it's possible to help out
Contribute be the solution
Not add to the problem

She noticed him and he noticed her, there was a sparkle in their eyes. They would meet through a mutual friend. He smiled and said hi. She noticed his ****** piercings and asked if it hurt. Both with big smiles. He noticed her brown hair that was curly like curly fries.
They talked got to know one another he was brown and she was mixed. She enjoyed his company, he was not use to anyone caring because he grew up with tough love. They spent time together it was rewarding and all new to this late bloomer. He remembered the first time they kissed it was magicial intense his heart skipped a beat things felt right for once.
Eventually it would be short lived since the puppy love fadee away. From close to complete stranger being in the same room was no longer possible. They got anxiety and not able to communicate.

New year focused on being better
Got close but never broke through
Pushed back made waves
Dealt with the backlash
Usually sit in silence and mindful
Doing things that need to be done
Most try to guilt or tell you your wrong
They'd rather watch you help than succeed
Willing to help but they'll bail on you
Got use to being alone
Enjoying ones company

He was anxious to meet people but they always kept him out but he did like people being social. He wasn't like the rest he was honest because it makes things easier and he didn't like being lied to so why like to others. He was getting older marriage and kids not in his cards. He did enjoy life so many friends came and went like the seasons. Some had families and he respected that others had controlling girlfriends he didn't agree but they got married who was he to come between that. He was part of the dating world but now a days it's shallow and slim pickings. He was working being responsible some women want you to have it together want this high standard of life they can't even live up to.
The young ones did find him attractive most young and wild living life not ready to settle down. He was open to commitment but no one was willing or ready to settle down. He noticed everyone was stuck on an ex or a failed engagement not ready to move on to the next not losing faith on someone they truly love blind to the reality they had found someone new replacing them but in denial not losing faith stuck but one day that person said I deserve better and broke free from the madness and insanity instead of holding on to the past like a blanket of security. Found strength moved forward trying to find love not losing faith because it once was real now make it a reality

He had dreams about kids
Married to someone from the past
No longer associated with anymore
Wondering what they meant
Going forward not going back
Escaped with bad memories
Do better in the next relationship
Heal from the things doing better

He would strike out again
Anxious to get out of this slump
He would work on his game
Everything he loved was slipping away
He practiced and tried seeing in from all angles
The game was life if he quit
asking where he would end up
It was all he had it made him happy
The power behind his swing the timing was off
Throwing the ball was painful but needed his arm
All he wanted was to get on first kept it simple
The home run swing is missing the game changed
He loved it but his time was running out

Being the voice of reason
Everything changing a new season
Thankful for the old times
Blessed with the new crew
Finally got props from the team
Usually working hard feeling pointless
Mentoring others that want to learn
Trying to help constructive criticism
Being pushed by corrupt leadership
Years of being used finally rising up
Learning everything possible
Can't wait around on anyone
From behind the scenes to a lead
Taking charge since no one wants it

Kind of annoyed always straight up and forward open to talk but making me out to be the bad guy because you are overwhelmed. Being two face won't get you anywhere but you make problems and don't deal with them. I help try to provide solutions Im not permanent but work like a fulltimer because it's the right thing to do you knock me down but I'll comeback show you how it's done. You expect too much but never give or make an effort to talk about your concerns. You lash out bark but no bite I respect your calls even if you are wrong. Ive made mistakes and owned up while you act flawless and careless towards others

Fell of trying to get back on track feeling distracted trying to stay centered and composed. Working hard barely getting it done trying to stay strong not fall back into bad habits. The sugar calming the nerves becoming a craving every time stress feels high. Anxiety taunting you telling you the opposite of what needs to be done. Being ******* yourself since it feels like it's on you no more passing through filling the void.

His pens bleed emotions the page took in the emotions. He was unable to express himself they don't seem to understand. Use to being excluded for being different making witty remarks seen as weird.
He cared for all the wrong people all his expectations lead to disappointment. He didn't care for the hype anymore. It was the same old crap it got old.