The struggle is real figuring it all out
Once you drop the drama get focused
Doing what you love and passionate about
Writing to end my day feels right
A night writer makes it easy to rest
Dream big so close yet so far
Accomplished goals still setting more
Open to grown one day my efforts will show
Keep waking up and shine bright
Failed and learn from the mistakes
crazy enough to come back for more
Every experience part of life
Better to live feel alive with positive vibes
Over being numb and going through the motions

Things bugged so he didn't do it anymore
Now he feels to old to do anything
Trying to relax more to life than work
Changing up the routine no one to hang
Always on a different schedule
Hard to make plans no communication
He did his own thing tired of waiting
Feeling depressed it didn't happen right away
It made sense others didn't get it
Everyone confused didn't understand
Not given a fair chance just there
Excluded looking in not meant to stay
Pushing through rise to the next level

Letting it go feeling it flow away
The pain fades over the years
Numbness gains feeling
Pouring it out on the sand
Taken away by the tide
Washed away feeling natural
The ocean wind cleansing the soul
Wet sand in toes free feet breathing
Recharged away from work
Break through the routine

On the twisted road driving through the forest.
The road slippery and wet from the rain. The rain and cold feels right but heading home from the summer. My life as an adult up north and my childhood in socal. From hot to cold weather not sure where I belong but my heart is in one while my mom thinks about the other. Lots of love for both but can't decide

We use to be close but now we grew apart different life styles. I chose to create and write working hard. You chose to work hard and create a family. I respect they come first before our friendship.
You are my brother even though you would bad mouth me because you felt insecure so you can feel better about yourself.
We both have our own goals and dreams we'd like to accomplish. Im focused on writing and music/film. Creating gives me life and I use my imagination to see things.
We use to be close now you keep me arm length away. I don't like this feeling so I stay away. Walking with God not losing faith give him my all and pray. He will provide staying strong to survive.

As he aged the crowd no longer had an influence. He was born to lead not follow. He knew who he was but too many made him out to be something he didn't have a clue or understand. Willing to help others but made the mistake of seeing his kindness as weakness. He would question all these made up rules others tried to apply. He followed the rules of he broke them the backlash would take its toll others would judge slander his character. He was patient and worked hard his time would come. He did work hard had the skills but didn't like the pressure a natural leader. He focused on the job did not care to get personal but talked about the job how he could improve do things differently make it better for everyone. He was a team player someone who was willing to keep the machine going pick up the slack willing to learn and enjoyed his work. He would get noticed after years of being ignored and denied by his coworkers over the false promises but this new job he wouldn't go unnoticed worked hard and refuse to let up and give up.

Feel free dk what to do with myself let go of the anger and hatred that kept me down. It made me sad when close friends distant themselves from close friends to complete stranger. Sometimes you need to let people go because they project stuff you don't believe or think you are like them. No one represents me but myself. I get people got through tough times but I will not take your blame or allow you to make me out to be the bad guy while you are doing worse stuff. I took friendships to the hair because we had memories and grew up together but when you made a mistake I forgave and kept you going. If I made a mistake it would become backlash by a so called friend. I've let go of the negative and toxic people I respect your way while you belittle and knock mine.
I worried what people thought about not strangers but people I trusted and got close to had opinions and they did not think highly of me. I had stay away. I quit drinking that's my way of an apology but it was denied now I do it for me. I reached out kept contact no response. I'm waiting around but now it's time I moved on. I'm not one who goes back but forward.
I guess we hurt each other so we can't hang anymore. I respect you have a family and kids, while some cheat and try to look down on me for not wanting the same. I've always been focused on my goals and dreams lots of failure and detail but willing to learn, grow, encounter new experiences.
The day you dropped me because I wasn't a priority was an eye opener because years of trying to figure out what went wrong couldn't figure it out there was no point because you are gone moved on. Now I need to do this not for you but for me.
No more denying myself to be liked or accepted most of the time I'm denied and disrespected over being neglected. Been doing what I love for years no I'm not lost but opened my eyes over seeing the darkness of others but ready to stand in the light of what I know what is right.
I don't like to argue or fight no need to make a scene, your false act to be more when you're less can't talk it out so you insult my integrity. Just because you talk loud doesn't make you right.
Remember the good times but the memories fade. Can't live in the past but focused on living in the moment doing what makes me better and helps me grow become the person I'm destine to be.
All the bad thought turn positive good vibes and feeling. The negative people can't stay they need to go. Smile more because you gave your all give yourself credit because one day you'll do it all instead of coming up short. Work hard eventually that failure and delay will amount to much more. Appreciate the world admire what's around you take it all in instead blocking it out to get it done but enjoy what you are doing as well.

He stared at his turtle tank and they did nothing exciting. The sound of water because of their filter. It was a soothing sound that made it easy for him to sleep. He got his pets as a gift from his uncle. He did Appreciate his hand me down pets that brought him joy. His new friends since he didn't have many friends he could trust or rely on. He did admire them and they did eat his food when he feels them. The heat light that lit up the room and their UV light that kept his room lit like a night light. Made it easy for him to sleep and rest.

Can't sleep not doing anything feels like I should be doing something. Thoughts are there so who to tell will anyone care. Looked at different treated unfair don't care to fit in anymore. They dk me anymore or what I've done so far to be happy with the person I've become. Days are brighter being alone no one to judge or accepting negative people down talk.

Investing in my cousin, he's a fighter. I'm helping sponsor him for his next fight tournament. Being that person I needed growing up. I remember asking for people to help me. It hurt like hell because I took it as they didn't believe in me. I see myself in this kid, he's determined to learn and grow. I would hold thai pads for him now he's coaching and teaching me things.
I loved the sport but wasn't a gym favorite. I don't care for gym politics. I believe in hard work. you get what you put into it. Always going hard, giving your all. I learned to apply the fundamentals.

He kept digging deep gave his all till he had no more to offer when he thought it would get worse things got better. He was burnt out and felt like he was losing it. Things would get better and he didn't let the bar moment or anger consume him. The frustration that are away at his self confidence. The build up in his head he could let dissolve clear his mind focus on the good things will get better he told himself. He was down but not out he would continue to strive forward not settle or be comfy keep moving forward

Not one to get attached people come and go like the seasons. Before disappear with reason. Not fond of change but have become immune. Let go because you'd like to see your friends happy and grow. The chapter story comes to an end. Close the old book a new series to read take in

Getting older working with the youth use to being in the back behind the scenes now being brought to the front of the things. He didn't care to battle egos or be caught up in power trips.
The older employees are retiring, it's hard to watch them go. As they grow gray leaving you to move up on with life. Being their replacement feeling the pressure to maintain the high standards.
From a rookie moving to the next level the glass ceiling broke before it was as good or as far as you could go. Always on deck ready to go. There's an open way not sure which way to go.

The heavy rain soaked his clothes he entered the coffee shop and ordered a hot chocolate. He sat admired the decor and art on the walls. It was not far from the college. The town filled with college students. The world was in it's own bubble with minds learning for a better future. Once inside and left that world. He loved the environment but would soon return home to reality.

The world was his when he recorded his podcast. He tried to keep it entertaining and interesting for his listeners. Talking about sports and nerd culture that is part of the shows content. He loved it because it was his idea and no one would change or censor his creative input. His previous show was changed and taken over used as a stepping stool.
He didn't care to be on camera but that element would become a factor. A 3 became a duo the show was suppose to be fun but someone those it was business slapping their label on it thinking they owned the idea. Everyone pulling rank rather than working to improve the show.
It went from a podcast to a live spectical that grew into chaos.
From a simple podcast to something with hype but came up short eventually the vision was lost. Everyone was inside out acting like they made it when it was nothing more than a podcast.

They use to be good friends both developed feelings and the other acted on them. Two different personalities one social and the other closed off.
The line between friendship and relationship was blurred one wanted more the other did not feel the same. As time pasted life set them apart one got married and the other responsible trying to become established.
They talk but things will never be the same while things felt like an old routine. Why go back to a failed outcome expecting things to change. He was single and she was married he denied his feelings while she poured out here. This was wrong and he knew so he would cut all ties from friends to strangers. She had more going on and he was doing his own thing. She told him he was the one who got away but that is impossible because she got married. Her husband was not fond of the friendship but it was a spike that caused a mild wedge. He didn't want to ruin things so he went away. She would call and text but he ignored her. She didn't like it and knew he did not belong because her marriage was more important. Eventually they moved on to together while he was forgotten on his own path pursuing his goals and dreams hoping to one day find new love.

He entered the building for the last time
Not sure what was ahead or what he would find
Always working hard no time for fun
Sober living not giving it up
Times had changed and never the same
He walked away nothing will change
All their rucus filled him with rage
He wanted to be close but they kept him out
After being turned away no reason to stay
They made him an option now he opted out
So sick of the hate over all the debate
He was not one of them no need to pretend
Time to cut the cord this needed to end
Smack talking for fun but made it personal
Taking shots ready unload the gun trigger happy
Spoken words of truth got the most hate
While words fueled with hate and lies got praised
All these wick ways left the hero in a daze
One mouth against three how could this be
Once each mouth isolated not a word was said
The hero stood tall ready to take them on
Once it came to an end the tension remained
Bubbling bad memories mentally stirring
Things that would've could've should've been said has them worrying

A battle of egos not playing games
Treated different for speaking up
Went along now being kept out
Stepped up now being set back
Used up then forgotten by corruption
One sided pretending to be a team player
If they aren't taking advantage
They don't care unless they get their way

Made out to be the crazy one
Told the truth called cut throat
Walk into a room the crowd goes silent
Not talking about anyone saying anything
Tried to be friends always excluded
It's better to do your own thing
Focused on the goal instead of everything
Striving and Thriving to get ahead
Most of all surviving on the journey
Use to struggle to pay my phone
Working hard for a place of my own
Open to new experiences limited opportunity
Taking chances multiple risk
Struggles for personal growth
They stare at like your crazy
Act like it does phase thick skin
Wanting to know why your being isolated
Not always going to get a reason
The logic doesn't always make sense
Question the insanity causing defense

Thankful for the growth some people are set in their ways. I've learned to accept people flaw and all. I don't talk about anyone I just keep a distance because if there is a disagreement it leads to conflict. Then they try to assassin your character because they didn't get their way. Walking away keeping the peace while they aren't happy still stirring up controversy. Not one to feed egos or empower power trips. Not talking about anyone that try to change others because being right is more important than trying to understand. Don't care to be in a one sided argument because calling them on it leads to them trying to change the narrative so they don't have to deal with the consequences.

Already stressing pursuing goals
Hope something works out for the future
Making the most if things over time
Trying to change not argue just focus
Can't be going backwards already feel stuck
Use to seek approval not always the way
Sometimes karma comes back as a wake up
Working harder distracted by work
Eventually asking what else is out there
Listening to the wrong people
Chose an alternative instead of pursuing
Thankful it helped but not better
Looking out for others meant well
Others acting crazy raising hell
Mind is everywhere praying it all comes together
Opened up it was a mistake
Told the truth then told how to act
How to feel doesn't settle well
Dealing with people is hard
Clueless when it comes to family
One day you feel like everything is well
Other times confused asking *** just happen
On the inside on the side lines
Or the outside asking this is no surprise
Thinking how much you have to give up and sacrifice to be accepted again
Saying sorry is never good enough
This will be held against you on the hold for a later moment.

Feeling drained
Heart pains
Just want to be done with today
Even though it's barely getting start
I'd rather write than argue and fight
Makes it easier for me to sleep at night
More on my mind closure is hard to find
Obsession drives me crazy feels like I'm going blind
Spoke the truth but seen as ruthless
On my own path viewed as a lost cause
Not a follower born to lead
Doing what I love not about money or greed
Had my ups but they come down
Had my towns they won't let me up
Sometimes things level out come out even is the gain

He always saw good in others then all of a sudden they changed. The glow the twinkle was gone from them. He asked what was wrong they told him nothing. There was some kind of heartache or mental block keeping them from achieving their full potential. He would respect them but they would change their attitude towards him which became a problem.
He was a good friend to his peeps but once they got a partner or in trouble they'd vent he would listen eventually this loop would continue to be reocourring cycle. He would be the scapegoat goat and kept out. He understood people found love and would start relationships he got the vibe they were with the wrong person but that made them happy who was he to come between the happiness that's what their heart wanted.
They would no longer be friends grow apart sometimes unite but other times just lose contact.

Don't know how much more I can go
In pain from the inside it bleeds out
Been going strong feels like everything around goes wrong
Staying calm while everyone gets worked up
Mind my mouth while many are just talk
Sick but keep working like it don't bug me
You cheated now you make me out to be the shady one
Talk bad about everything turns out you are worse off
Not waiting around because you are a no show
Or wasting my time because you are a lost cause
Told myself be great all you do is hate
Blame everyone since you can't own up
I may not be the one but I at least showed up
Talk like you're grown up but not doing it
Listen to your own advice instead of trying to control others
Talk big but once someone tells you you get **** hurt

Can't stay stuck on the moment
Everything changed ready or not
Sometimes you don't want it to end
Other times it's over with no say
Rocky roads and failed friendships
Hurting one another giving one another space
Over time now strangers dk one each other
Everyone changes over a period of time
Things fade away over the years
Not doing that anymore or know that life
Not wearing a label from the past
Cleaned up the act not going back
Wanted to fix it make it work
Hard to do when it's one sided
Always the bad guy not playing the role anymore
Not giving up peace to please others
Stepping aside waiting on others
That don't share a dream or goal to achieve

He had a test that would dictate his future. He didn't want to fail struggling to get the next level. Moving forward with his life not going back bouncing back all the road blocks and detours. He didn't like to fight he would put his head down and plow through.
He didn't like to let others down it got to him surprised he had a support group. All his hard work and efforts not expecting anything but trying to get a full time job going. He was open to change but the transition got complicated in the process.
He started to share his plan with his mini circle of friends.

Be this or I'll treat you different
Do that or you'll be excluded
Not trying to be you
Stand tall as myself
Even if I'm isolated
Left alone being criticized
Spoke up called them out
Now your mad for the truth
I'm tired of the lies
Not going to take that

Those moments came to life; before his eyes when he began to write, he could see that place that moment that made him smile, like an out of body experience. Years had pasted but deep in his heart those moments come to life and feel so real. He was a young man early twenties when he met this young lady. They were into one another, the puppy love made his heart flutter. They use to be lovers she was the one his heart wanted. Denying her was like denying part of himself. He would not be emotionally available because he wanted her, without her. he felt eympty incomplete.
It was hard for him to date because he never took anyone serious he was stuck on her but would have to move on. She would move on get married have two kids and he would still be a hopeless romantic hoping to find love one day.

Starring at a blank page trying to see
Thinking what to write find feelings lifeless emotions
Not sure what to say thought of burning critics
So much comes to mind blows away with the wind
Feels blind to the world deep inside the mind safety zone
Tough from the rough times building strength for the soul
Things are right not in the fight up late another night
Never stay down with the struggle strive to survive
From friends to strangers grow apart move onto better
Silence the tongue taste of sourness spit on the phony
Over the lies from the insecure and obsession obsorbed distractions leads to dramatic reactions
Break free focused on success not less
Go forward not back grow into more
Broken truth no more false promises
One finding truth no longer associate with fake
Insecure with harsh judgement try to break the reality
Delusional realities consume like an addiction
Control with no plans, repeating crazy expecting a different outcome

One day they love you
The next they hate you
Because you didn't play the games
Now they are mad making a fuss
Asked if it was okay they were fine
Told the truth don't care for lies
Forgave them still no change
They came at you trying to provoke
When you've walked away
Trying to turn others on you
Cancel out for being different
Like exposing you makes them better
Rather be alone than deny ones self
Kept a distance playing it safe
Wanted to be a peacemaker
More than peacekeepers
Tired of living and being a certain way
Over others toxic and bad behavior
Feeling pushed out been on both sides

Always doing extra it's never enough
Made time for it all can't even ask for a favor
Always giving but can't expect anything in return.
Been fed up with the process
Instead of doing What's right they'll take whatever and settle
Never in mind for a promotion but always the first when something needs to be done
Trying to make it and not stay

He asked for their opinion and all they did was knock him. They showed no interest in his passion. It angered him took it like they did not believe in him. He was always respectful and supportive of others. He know listening and holding back would get him no where so he focused on what he loves and continued to prove them wrong. He had taken way more risks than most.
He didn't get mad but got better. He did the work while they criticised him. He didn't let them bother him he used the negative to write get out this burden they casted upon him.
He always turned a negative into a positive. He would not let their bad attitudes infect his day.