The water flows the sound of birds chirping. The rocks beneath water reflection. The clouds and sky beaming off the water. The green trees full of life. The ground full of roots and dirt fresh giving from the rich soil

Trying to be a big bro
Feels like the more I try
I get is disrespect and hate
Wanted in you kept me out
Now I'm not interested
Over dealing with this pain
You cause me to worry and stress
Trying to encourage you to do what's best
You're set in your ways it's a shame
I don't agree, but love; accept you
Maybe it's best I stay away
Gave it to God and prayed
Instead of getting better, ends up worse.
This burden on the heart
Letting go this pain tearing everything apart

Getting older working with the youth use to being in the back behind the scenes now being brought to the front of the things. He didn't care to battle egos or be caught up in power trips.
The older employees are retiring, it's hard to watch them go. As they grow gray leaving you to move up on with life. Being their replacement feeling the pressure to maintain the high standards.
From a rookie moving to the next level the glass ceiling broke before it was as good or as far as you could go. Always on deck ready to go. There's an open way not sure which way to go.

Told his stories talked about scenarios
Asking and wondering
What else was going on
So much change over the years
In his story rising above toxic
Others made him out to be the villain
Written off one chapter and out
He was okay with it not fighting anymore
Why stay if you're not welcomed
Because his story wasn't over
Moved on with life found closure
The girl doesn't always love you back
Moving on she's married and has kids
The infatuation faded in the wind
The lust mistaken for love full of confusion

Need to wake up early can't sleep
Trying to relax everyone needs a favor
Helping others use to bring joy
So many rude and annoy
Hard to trust when it's broken
False promises believed another lie
Did my share too bad no one cares
Open and honest still treated unfairly
Better days sometimes unphased
others amazed not like the rest
I'd fight to stay but they let me go
Not my home best thing to do is disappear
Wandering alone was a fear got use to solitude
Been through so much over time
stayed humble with gratitude
Remain the same over the pain

Not use to hanging out most work and have no social life. While some are married or have kids forced to grow most of all being responsible for their own. Got use to not making plans someone always flakes out or cancels. I was nice to have lunch with a cousin everyone is growing up some more determined than others. While some are just going through the motions. It's good to change it up break the cycle get out of the routine.

Already stressing pursuing goals
Hope something works out for the future
Making the most if things over time
Trying to change not argue just focus
Can't be going backwards already feel stuck
Use to seek approval not always the way
Sometimes karma comes back as a wake up
Working harder distracted by work
Eventually asking what else is out there
Listening to the wrong people
Chose an alternative instead of pursuing
Thankful it helped but not better
Looking out for others meant well
Others acting crazy raising hell
Mind is everywhere praying it all comes together
Opened up it was a mistake
Told the truth then told how to act
How to feel doesn't settle well
Dealing with people is hard
Clueless when it comes to family
One day you feel like everything is well
Other times confused asking *** just happen
On the inside on the side lines
Or the outside asking this is no surprise
Thinking how much you have to give up and sacrifice to be accepted again
Saying sorry is never good enough
This will be held against you on the hold for a later moment.

She claims to love you but with someone else. Her touch and time together took the pain away. As time passes you miss those feelings and she's not the one. When you missed her your body ached and didn't want to do anything. Years have passed moving on different girls different face made you feel unworthy to bad they aren't the one. You blame yourself for not living up to their superficial ideals. You are not meant to be labeled they talk about their experience thinking they deserved to be treated bad like going back will make it right or be fixed too bad they are wrong for you.
For years dating has been lies and people sharing who they use to be or explaining why they stopped caring and taking care of themselves like punishment will make them a better person. Years of change coming and go like the seasons new friends can't replace old while giving up on yourself to be accepted. From the mouth to mute so many encounters and experiences that change things events that help you grow become a person with thick skin. Sad how people want to tell you but they don't want to listen or follow their own advice.

Always doing extra it's never enough
Made time for it all can't even ask for a favor
Always giving but can't expect anything in return.
Been fed up with the process
Instead of doing What's right they'll take whatever and settle
Never in mind for a promotion but always the first when something needs to be done
Trying to make it and not stay

Being around that person that robs your peace. Silence doesn't mean you won it just to keep the peace. They'll talk about everyone behind their back and be fake to their face. I don't have time or patience for people who do that.
Use to value and respect their opinion but all they ever do is try to keep you down when they come around.  Trying to push you out I'd rather walk away trying to control and manipulate the family. Trying  to get everyone in check. I'd rather break away and stay away from the fakeness. I can handle being alone and isolated you've been trying to use that but thanks for doing me that favor
I'm sually straight forward with others if asked. I don't go out of my way to share an opinion no one asked for. I said the truth so don't get mad because all you do is speak lies.

Of course "you think you're better than me. Why don't you act like it." He said in a heated argument. He didn't have much but worked hard and thankful for what he had. He'd rather do his own thing than bother with everyone's drama and criticism. He became immune to being alone he found peace. When people called or texted him they wanted or needed something it did rub him the wrong way. Giving his all and expecting nothing in return was more demanding when all he wanted was to be left alone.

Just because you talk louder and faster doesn't make you right. It's better to think what your saying and be resourceful than waste everyones time. Of course you come off as smart when you are talking about things no one understands or knows what you are talking about. You like to discredit others but don't like being questioned. When you speak you expect to be praised when I speak I'm surprised my opinion is being valued or heard. You don't take others feeling or have consideration as long as the perks are in your favor. How you treat others says a lot about a person. I grew up respecting my elders sometimes I could correct them but I listen polite since they should know better but that's not always the case. Smile and speak when spoken to.

Spoke from the heart now you avoid me. I'm honest with my thoughts but closed off with my heart. I've been hurt and hurt others. Sometimes I feel stuck can't say or doing anything you'll see through me or make me out to be someone I'm not. I think highly or you and think less of me no matter what I do. You claim I'm different but treat me like everyone else. You try to understand me and complicate things. You can't tell me how I feel or what I think. I'm open to compromise but over all the rules and games not playing anymore. If you can't accept me maybe it's best we depart our ways we live our life, deal with the consequences of our decisions.

Today was a good day writing it all out so I can have inner peace. All the stress within melts away feel the good vibes increase. Doing better thank goodness summer is almost over this heat was burning me up. Spending time with my loved ones always fighting alone but part of going and trying to make it on your own. My prize possession use to be my phone. Doing my own thing trying to achieve greatness be grown.
Use to love being in the crowd now I'd rather be left alone
Emotions come out through the pen bleeds on the page
Overcome all the rage and hate finished the last page of this notebook so I can start another. New book new chapter same mental madness but not so obsessed not settling for less over all the labels useless protest.

He looked at pix of old friends wondering how they are he missed them. Some were busy with families others wanted nothing to do with him. He made mistakes and stayed away he was sorry but would never be treated the same or seen an equal.
He could only lower himself for so long tired of lowering himself feeling degraded for forgiveness. Things would never change or be the same so he had to cut the cord and move on. They weren't saving his place but pushing him out. It was tough learned the hard way there was no going back. He was human tired of everyone trying to make him out to be a crazy person since he had an opinion and spoke his mind.

Saw beauty in her eyes and wanted to be much more. He loved the world saw a smile that melted his heart. Laughter that was soothing to his soul. Admired others for being different everyone has their own life to live. Make the most of it. He loved to travel the scenery made him feel at home. He appreciated the taste of great food with amazing company. So many wonderful experiences he wanted to share but those he admired he kept close to his heart treasured those good times because they made his life feel finer more rich with wealth that gave him comfort. Always on edge trying to make it happen get it done he misses things but he didn't want to rest because he didn't want to miss a thing. It felt like something was missing but found it was there he just had to make time for it.

Working to pursue a dream
Lots of body aches and pains
On this journey to somewhere new
Can't stay stuck in the old looping past
Doing less work for him talked about
Doing too much still had them talking
All the pain faded but still intense
All the drama no longer welcomed
Taking over trying not to fail
Not be consumed by angered frustration

He faded away didn't care to live up to the hype. Struggling with his situation not taking on others frustrations. Always giving his all it was catching up to him. He wanted to shut down more determined than the rest another loved one distracted sending toxic vibes his way.
Not always right didn't have the answer.

Each punch thrown
Every kicked landed
All the chaos fades away
The white noise bring peace
Pushing through the insanity
Pushing yourself to be better
Bring out your best everytime
Bring out the best in others
All the personal growth a gain
The experience with rich lessons
Brings out confidence

Feeling the blood rush to my face
We had a cool team turns out you're using me
Only call when you need something
Half the time they don't bother
Tried to be helpful and be resourceful
Now you cut me and not bothering
Went the extra mile, now you're hating my style
Showed up, gave my all; once again drop the ball
I was one to save you but you keep walking into danger
Cut me off treat me like a stranger
Karma burns it will come back to you
Need my college degree all I get is the 3rd degree
Went out of my way, mistreated, no need to stay
Believe in signs, sounds like, I'm being written off
Not interested or the type I'll be alright
Writing to my favorite songs, music gives me power
Music gives me strength, my heart energized, by the soul could light up, grow
That moment time to shine make it happen
Another road block so close
Another detour to arrive
Made it to the end, still have yet to finish
so close yet so far at the end, starting over again
Tired, defeated crazy enough to comeback for me
Not trying to obsess made progress
The result take away from the win
so much for a victory the credit stripped away
Now it's time to start over do it again

Writing has brought clarity
Changing for the better
There's no going back
Growth will continue
The mind racing in silence
Calm down the mind
Relaxing body from tension
Blood boils with frustration
Walked away from crazy
Meant for better not less

Breaking free not going back
Didn't talk about anyone
It's okay to disagree and take a stand
When there's no reasoning
One way thinking and twisted logic
Open to listen and understand
Not being told what to do
All these demands not a follower
Just because no one argues
Doesn't make you right
Choosing peace over chaos

Waiting around ready to get out of town
On the road and no where need home
Can't go back but no where to go
Judge for being different but not following
Why fit in when the rules keep changing never in my favor
Not playing anymore walking away is the best way to be free
Think what hurts most is this hate is coming from the ones I love
I think highly of them but they don't see me as anything
like glass looking right through me trying to break me shatter into a million pieces
Works for them not working for me
Always adapt and adjust so much broken trust
The anger is blocked out because overreaction means they got the best of you by being just like them
In such a phase sometimes overwhelmed in a daze. Sharing my thoughts feelings everyone sees it like a craze phase. One gets them to gang up on you they can't beat you alone
The one who's sending the hate ain't anything just pretending to be great.
You don't answer or respond now they act surprised not giving into the lies or making excuses a sorry alibi

Not one to get attached people come and go like the seasons. Before disappear with reason. Not fond of change but have become immune. Let go because you'd like to see your friends happy and grow. The chapter story comes to an end. Close the old book a new series to read take in

Worked hard about to get off thinking what to eat and what to read That's the best way to end the night. Wake up do it all over again. Thankful to be working consistent instead of worrying where I'll be and end up. Always open to learn and grow finding my way not like everyone else or settling for less.

Over thinking mind can't rest
Wide awake should be sleeping
Watched movies to pass time
Writing scripts one scene at a time
Inspired by creativity story telling
Give others hope during the struggle
Surviving on all levels rising up
The underdog fighting to make it
Escape poverty for a better life
Dealing with new emotional inventory
Feelings from the past clashing with new
Mind open to change with a numb heart
Sacrifice gone wrong emotionally burned

Not time to hate got work to do
Not taking on criticism
They aren't doing my work
Done proving myself
Just trying to better myself
Working harder working
Being smarter prefer to be alone
Working behind the scenes
Able to get it done have fun
They don't have your heart
Different mindsets brewing fueds
Trying to find a common goal
Done complaing do the work

Another black eye swells up
Icing it while it goes numb and stings
Told the truth the argument got physical
Doesn't matter anymore egos got bitter
One life causing pain on others
The other doing what's right
The lioness was lusting wildly
Set in those bad habits
Unwilling to change a fit of rage

Being the voice of reason
Everything changing a new season
Thankful for the old times
Blessed with the new crew
Finally got props from the team
Usually working hard feeling pointless
Mentoring others that want to learn
Trying to help constructive criticism
Being pushed by corrupt leadership
Years of being used finally rising up
Learning everything possible
Can't wait around on anyone
From behind the scenes to a lead
Taking charge since no one wants it

Fell of trying to get back on track feeling distracted trying to stay centered and composed. Working hard barely getting it done trying to stay strong not fall back into bad habits. The sugar calming the nerves becoming a craving every time stress feels high. Anxiety taunting you telling you the opposite of what needs to be done. Being ******* yourself since it feels like it's on you no more passing through filling the void.