Found peace talking about it able to concentrate. Focus on living things that matter. The past is history you cant change it thinking about it becomes a roadblock detours to get blessings. Its not meant to be a hard connect to grasp process so many obsessions causing confusion. So many distractions others imposing and projecting these bad ideas concepts that you don't agree with. Things that have nothing to do with yo I labels so others will think less of you. All these voices don't matter the only one voice in your head.

He always wanted to fit in or belong even if meant giving up what he loved. He didn't belong and sacrificed but still surpassed those who doubted him and left him out. He never knocked anyone or used anyone he was a worker a team player someone who took pride in his work. He was loyal and true what made him sad was all the people he thought highly of thought nothing of him. He pursued success and got treated like a failure. He failed in his relationship to be with his friends now they are in relationships not making time for anyone. That balance and transition is difficult he worked too much no social life; he had a social life but didn't work too often. He loved to be better while others soaked in their misery he didn't understand. He valued people seen them as more but they settled for worse and blamed others when its their life. He didn't agree but didn't argue because some are set in their ways and won't accept change or refuse to do so.
He didn't bother with anyone but everything he did seem to bother everyone. He worried for their feelings that distracted him while tried to help them come up with a solution turns out it was not his problem. He wanted to help and support others hoping they would do the same. They gave him the 3rd degree left him hanging when he needed them. He learned to not be available to people who made him an option instead of a priority.
He rose above all those who judged him and mocked him. They told them NO but he was already doing it. He always did what made him happy even if it was a secret him doing it in private. He made time for himself because no one else gave him the time of day. In the end he felt accomplished satisfied because he had done it critics or not he was happy doing it that's what made it work while he journey continued while he grew into the person he was destine to become.

He looked out the window
Wondered about his life
The betrayal he use to be fun
Too bad he's not the one
All the work not credit
Holding the place for someone else
Then quickly replaced by another
Failed friends formal lovers
Hard to trust moving on is a must
Heart crusted now protected
A screening process more selective
Missing everyone pursuing the dream
Over the one way love going forward
Making his own path rolling solo
His goals needed to be done alone
Others don't define him feeling excluded
Made a stand no going back
Didn't want to deny himself
Just to make happy it was sickening
Been rejected doesn't fit in
After adjustments left uncomfortable
Feeling right walking away

Spewing off toxic vibes
Seeing out anxiety
Wanting to be there
But need to get away
Not feeling great
0 to 100 with this mood
Happy thoughts feeling upbeat
Mad for no reason sparky remarks
Ready to fight for no reason
Imploding within to not hurt others
Self destruction resistanting temptation
Being around feeling like crap
Not around wanting to be there
Fear of messing up not going back
All the pain is normal become immune
Stayed with love burnt out over the hate

Putting on his favorite playlist
Songs that inspired him to be better
Got him motivated on his walk
He was able to relate and connect
Years of being ignored and excluded
He forgave people but kept a distance
Everything was one sided unfair
All he did was give everyone was hard
Being different was easy to be alone
A struggle fitting in to be pushed out
Felt like shutting down exhausted
Against the grain so much pain
Some days full of energy going well
Other days feeling drained getting by
Time flies by where the day went
Some never ending wanting it to end

Always been into hard work saying it will pay so many road blocks and detours but chasing a dream. Its the worse when you try and it never turns out in my head of accordingly. Building off the experience learning from the encounter. Thought this would work didn't want a boss but a team to make film and get my scripts/sketches made.
Always open to creative ideas trying to make them a reality. Never seen as an equal but working twice as hard.

Didn't get social cues right away
They opened up or kept him out
Another day working for it
Another way to get it done
Told them he loved them they ran away
Didn't say how he felt heart in conflict
Didn't feel the same way back

The first time to Monday night raw. He could feel the energy the hair on his face stood up when he saw the titantron. The ring where all the action took place. This put a huge smile on his face.
All this he had seen on TV but he was excited to be there live and in person.
The bell would ring the lights would shine on the ring while the lights dimmed on the crowd. Watching with amazement so much to take in. It was overwhelming but the best feeling.

He woke up late, and still felt restless. I debated what to have for breakfast. He walked into work knowing his crush would be there but he kept it professional. He never had good luck with the ladies. If he liked them they weren't interested or he never acted on those urges. They had unique conversations that shared a laugh or two. He never got the hit or cues because he was interested. He didn't want his feelings and urges to get the best of him. She was smart and determined to get her degree while he was hard working. They ran with different crowds might cause a conflict of interest.
He over thought and imagined the outcome, but still has yet to act on these thoughts. He has been wrong before.
He once admitted his feelings to a high school crush and she got with his so called best friend. Years later in college he met another girl no label but it did seek the benefits of a relationship. He decided maybe they should make it official turns out she had other plans he was a fling and got hurt in the process.
He always enjoyed his job even if it ****** found good in the people this made his job more tolerable. He was always focused on his career despite setbacks and detours he was determined. The hard part for him was finding balance.

Someday are harder than others; I'm glad I made it through today
People will criticize but not look at themselves first
Trying to understand other mindsets is hard when you cannot make sense of the logic
In a new place mentally out of my comfort zone
Learning to communicate with people
who are set in their ways
I don't expect them to change
They do expect so much from me not always able to please everyone
but they do not accept everything about me feels like I'm being set up to fail

Working with Thai pad is a work out of its own. Taking punches and kicks being able to adapt and adjusted. Doing drills coming up with combos
Coaching and being coached helps put things into perspective. Building confidence being able to take what's taught apply and learn from it.
Doing some extra work is a rewarding feeling pushing the body past its limits. A good sore not over working but going through the motions.

Not a big guy but his heart meant well
His love caused hurt due to betrayal
Giving his all running on fumes
Watching them grow on the go
Love from a distance much resistance Rep ruined staying away to keep loved ones safe
Can't force things need time to heal
One day everyone will understand
Instead of conditional love with terms
Tired of being squeezed everyone remains the same

Standing in the hot sand the ocean breeze hits my face. The sound of the ocean waves crashing. The sound of laughter people playing in the sand splashing in the water. You touch your toes in the cold water the tide rises to your ankles. The you walk close as the water moves up your leg debating to jump in or walk till the water consumes your body. Water is waist level the worse part is water on your back but once the refreshing water take you in you become immune. The tide pulls you in but will release you. The end of the day the tide tossed and pushed you around feeling drained exhausted but a much needed Beach day so it will talk all the stress and worries away.

Years of shutting off emotions and feelings held on. Feeling numb and depressed because things didn't happen or turn out accordingly. Still in the pursuing a dream, doing what he likes loves trying to bring it together.
Looking for yourself in the work being part of the material. Who he was and what he's becoming in the future.

Dream chasing over the detour
Been trusting in the process
feeling lost going back but it's never the same
With or without you life goes on times change
Turn the page enjoy life act your age
No more suppressed rage vent the truth
Others don't understand so they see you as ruthless
Told the truth got nothing but hate it's never too late to make your dreams come true
They think you're crazy they have no clue
You respect their choices while they know your effort
Instead of hating they could be doing more of what they love.

He kept to himself so they assumed the worse.
He has manners and educated they assumed he was gay.
He was hard working didn't ask questions they called him a **** up.
Minded his business and never asked for their opinion but they always had one.
He told the truth while they bad mouth him and spread lies.
He turned away walked away stayed away because he knew their actions would comeback to them and he was not worried for the people who treated him bad, made him feel he didn't belong and didn't matter. Deep down he knew he was destine for greatness meant to be more. He got tired of failing putting others first since all they did was take credit never worked for it.

Anxious to succeed but set up to fail
Gave his all always on call done with it all
Use to care got told all my flaws
Wasn't good enough always treated bad
Made it tough burnt out not fun anymore
The positive side still pursuing love and passion
Not you but my own person living my life
Writing takes the away the frustration
Let my negative blow away with the wind
Being me over the gunk and feeling unworthy
Loved my job but it's not what I want to be doing
Cleaned up my act trying to get motivated make a comeback
Tell my stories and create stopped because a fake friend knocked it put pressure on my skills made it feel wrong and *****.

Feeling free coping with emotions
Sober in a toxic world
Honest in a cruel crowd
Being kept out but will shine
Somewhere else fine true love
All the betrayal made him strong
The hatred couldn't be consume him
Overlooked by family shut him down
Made him believe in himself

The day came he got his transplant from Cali to AZ. He prayed for the moment giving the glory and victory to God. Thankful and blessed it finally happened. He got discouraged but never lost faith. He couldn't do this alone He gave it to God. God's speed God's will thankful to be out of the danger zone feeling saved and filled with grace. No more yellow eyes, but a smile on his face.  
He was working hard to keep distracted. Doing pad work now he had to work on his life style changes after the transplant. He set new goals and didn't feel restricted

Showing them love they ignore you
Making time for them to be forgotten
Reaching out feeling like you're  bugging
Trying to be more stuck with less
Never settling not an option on the side
Wanting more to emotionally invested
Made them a priority invested time
Treated like an option being set aside
Being at your beat getting their worse
Walked into danger to be betrayed
Kept coming back for more seen good
Now staying away got hurt for caring
After all the wicked deceitful love
Feeling defeat taste of rejection

Doing what's made mistakes
Hoping to fix the wrong
Moving forward being pulled back
Protecting the heart from hurt
Avoiding the pain caused by others
Trying to be heard usually ignored
Embraced the silent loneliness
Not forcing to be heard
Around the wrong people
Thankful for the right ones
Took a chance came up short
Focused on personal growth
Be better for the next time
Reflection on how to improve
No longer interested to prove
Tired not giving up take a break
Burnt out still going strong
Find balance another outlet

They called him a delusional because he told the truth. Ever since he called them on their lies now they are mad. Trying to talk bad about him like it's justified. What's worse is family he stood tall for them and they wouldn't even look out for him.
Never to his face always behind his back. He had better things going on than wasting time with people who made up their mind about him. He stopped caring walked away. Still talking thinking they are right. He wanted to get away from it all.

All he wanted was to be alone. Anything he did bothered people. He never talked about people he told them straight up. All the smack talking got personal jokes turned into insults. He stopped seeking and wanting their approval. More critics talking that never did anything worthy of his time. He lost friends some tried to stand in his glory take credit for his work. He was mad that friends became enemies becoming roadblock and detours to his progress. Family never seemed to understand but always talking.

After the break up they had a casual ****** encounter. Things were weird. She accused him of being with someone else. He did not move on he needed time for himself. She would confess to having a fling with another guy. They were broken up and he could not get mad but she would blame him for her seeking attention else where. She was an adult responsible for her actions she knew what she was doing. They had broken up because he was not happy she was controlling jealous and insecure. He was opposite very casual and social trying to be accepted. He was not always liked by her. He couldn't go back and things will never be the same. They failed before why make that same mistake they already know the outcome why repeat this unhealthy pattern.

You say funny stuff because it's true. Writing it down being open and awesome with people. They don't always agree but that's opinion. Sleep patterns are jacked. Always seeking inspiration love to create it comes to life before these eyes.
Changes are part of life open to grow learn how to do it and be better at it. Use to tell sad stories wrestle with the struggle don't want to do it anymore. Lots of change for the right for the better. Got over trying to fix the bad seeing beauty in others if they settle that's on them.

Hanging by the jacuzzi trying to relax unwind always on the go busy at work no time for a social life. Had a beer or two for a buzz not getting wasted or smashed self destruction isolated pity party.
Having fun socializing with the crowd instead of being antisocial usually anti establishment. Working on being better than losing it over people who don't value or care about you.

The couple had just broken up she invited him over. He knew it would get ugly and confusing. She wanted to make it work. While he struggled with the idea it didn't make sense. They were in a bad relationships unhealthy for one another. She wanted it to be only them no one else. He was social had friends enjoyed people. At that time he didn't know get it or grasp the concept.

Sad how people claim to hate you but keeping tabs. They tell you, you changed but that's part of life. Be the talked about not the one talking. So many hate you but some how they need a favor. When you're not doing favors they act like you've never done anything. Not trying to argue or fight. They never believed in you once you made it they cling into like if they made you great when all they did was hate riding your coat tail. All you want to do is succeed all they do is set you up to fail but deep down no quit or surrender. Keep doing what needs to be done because it's right. No need to pretend don't like me stay away dealing with your fakeness was of time and waste of the day. Please go away no need for you to stay. Better off with out don't need you or your doubt.

Saying sorry hoping to be forgiven
Made mistakes shouldn't be excluded for them
Some will never forgive stuck in that place
Same old face new behavior altered for the better
Can't live in the past trying to be in the moment
Tomorrow isn't promised treasure it while it lasts

He looked in the mirror see his face had changed. Chubby cheek and wrinkles when he made faces.
He felt the same but things around him changed so many trends so much movement he could not keep up. Things don't happen right away it took time. He compares his youth to today, he didn't have social media. He had to be social, he didn't use date sites he went on dates did ask her out and was a man about it. It's interesting how there is so many ways to communicate and everyone is antisocial. He called a friend and wrote letters to keep contact. He lived in the moment while today everyone streams or videos to get likes or approval from people they dk. Over all these labels don't care if you are vegan, liberal, gay, or any other made up way to stand out just be a good person treat people right. People talk big behind the computer or a front when the camera is recording once it's of they aren't saying anything. With age you grow see old traditions fade but those are the  values that the generation before grew up with and new tradition losing value no one original but exciting online not living a life. Broke free once was consumed with age you see the greats fall and the playing field change hands sometimes for the better other times in fear you may or may not understand. You replaced your elders now the youth will replace your way and your time is up. Live life to the fullest live for those who passed and live for those who chose to have a family because you see the world through different lenses. Your youth is gone those memories bring you a smile while you try to make new ones means starting over with new people because the old moved on and no one is waiting around.

People made up their minds
No need to prover yourself
Over these made-up standards
These false ideals that are pointless
Gave my life to God following his rules
fueled by faith, no time for hate
stopped worrying about what was
Focused on what could be
working for opportunity taking risks
Love over lust survived broken trust

Hip hop made me strong
Thinking how life use to be easier
From a curious youth to a overwhelmed adult
Dating was fun, an adrenaline rush
Now it's like I end up with the same person
Different body same crazy mind set
Another person I'll probably regret
Moving on is hard full of regret
Might be right for me
Might be wrong for me
Never know since it won't go anywhere
One minute we are talking
Now she's talking to someone new
Can't get mad she's not mine and never belonged to me
She's ****** when she sees me talking to a female friend
She jumps to conclusions but still doing her thing
She don't want me but don't want me with anyone else

Thankful for his mentors polished
Not afraid of the work
Tired of bad communication
Cared more than most
Wishing for change over the drama
Didn't argue the over reaction got twisted
Not speaking up the lies
And rumors continued to grow
Trying not to get triggered
Stayed humble and true
Not talking about anyone
Not saying anything to anyone
Being mindful listening
Minding his sharp tongue
Staying quiet observing

Once you sober up you see who your true friends are. When you get clean they don't call you anymore. You try to hang but it's not the same. Alcohol was the only way you can bond with this person. They made you feel guilty for not drinking but they felt bad because they were drinking. You respected one another's decisions and departed. Once you get clean you feel empowered not to be self destructive but become more creative not so angry finding other outlets for misplaced aggression.
After while you find courage to do what matters no more liquid courage that gives you false hope no more waking up hung over after a long night of drinking till you black and don't remember what happen or hearing about all the crazy you did while recovering from a hang over.
Stay clean and sober clarity of mind no going back not about that anymore. The right people stay while all the wrong leave you.

The water flows the sound of birds chirping. The rocks beneath water reflection. The clouds and sky beaming off the water. The green trees full of life. The ground full of roots and dirt fresh giving from the rich soil

Id open up but people get hurt I hold back but feels like I'm denying part of myself. I can't blame you for some reason I blame myself especially when I catch you at fault. If I make mistakes you are quick to hang me out to dry. Sad how people act how people claim to love but only unless they need something or need a favor. I see good in you but you are at your worse I'd expose you in the end the truth will catch up to you expose you for. Everyone wants to be right; no one makes time to understand.

Crazy how they bad mouth you and the nerve to ask for a favor. You never talked bad or said anything but these smack talkers make everything personal. Before plowing through would be easy not caring about the outcome. That kamikaze mindset doesn't benefit anyone.
Walked away not playing these games. Focused on the work that needs to be done then be in the drama. The ones talking no one is talking about. Everyone knows the truth but chooses to listen to the lies. Made out to be the crazy one for having an opinion defending myself when no one else had my back.
Not wasting time on others who expect you to change or lower yourself to be liked to be accepted. Sad when they pick and choose when to like you.
Its easier to distance yourself from all the complaining and hatred they caused now manipulating other to believe they are the victims. Its easier to own up instead of pretending to be someone you're not.