Use to post and was told write a blog. Never set out to make money off writing it was a way to express myself.  Tired of holding back letting go and living life is the way.
Always writing around things but been writing about them. From my eyes because that's what was seen or from these ears all heard and taken in.
Got the load off my chest just trying to be myself while others pretend to be someone else.

He walked into the shop and had a deep conversation with his barber. He was able to open up and vent talk about things while getting groomed at the same time. They exchanged words while his barber encouraged him about everything happening and coming together for the big moment. Every encounter and experience it all came together.

Spewing off toxic vibes
Seeing out anxiety
Wanting to be there
But need to get away
Not feeling great
0 to 100 with this mood
Happy thoughts feeling upbeat
Mad for no reason sparky remarks
Ready to fight for no reason
Imploding within to not hurt others
Self destruction resistanting temptation
Being around feeling like crap
Not around wanting to be there
Fear of messing up not going back
All the pain is normal become immune
Stayed with love burnt out over the hate

Anxious to succeed but set up to fail
Gave his all always on call done with it all
Use to care got told all my flaws
Wasn't good enough always treated bad
Made it tough burnt out not fun anymore
The positive side still pursuing love and passion
Not you but my own person living my life
Writing takes the away the frustration
Let my negative blow away with the wind
Being me over the gunk and feeling unworthy
Loved my job but it's not what I want to be doing
Cleaned up my act trying to get motivated make a comeback
Tell my stories and create stopped because a fake friend knocked it put pressure on my skills made it feel wrong and *****.

Sharing his pain to feel better
Making things worse feeling bad
Letting others they aren't alone
Letting go was hard had to be done
There was no going back missing it
Crumbling within tough times
Not letting others in feeling
Nothing but love full of loneliness
Giving his all with writing the words
Giving life to bottled up emotions
That are messages for others to relate
Letting go of the weight draining life
The glowing soul going dull

What's on your mind? What's your story? So much to say dk where to start. What aspect of my life are we talking about. Family not close but I do love them. Why am I single been in love been hurt, so many relationships that were pointless and meaningless decided to wait make myself better. Recovering alcoholic staying sober one drink feels like failure consuming me can't go back. A good guy trying to stay good by avoiding bad habits. Working hard to get hired full time but always working harder than the full timers. Giving my all expecting nothing taking pride in my work. Don't care for the credit things needed to be done. Friends will always have a special place in my heart can't replace stuck but need to keep moving forward getting older feels like time is running out. Never too late been waiting it.  All my life working hard for this moment. Get on the next level focused on success once you made it you keep on building on it keep pursuing your dreams even if to others they don't mean anything. All the bad fades away not like my mom or dad but did make the same mistakes learned fast that phase passed.

Sharing from the moment
Thoughts playing out
All the possibilities
What could've been said
What was said all the reaction
The vibes and tones have been set
Always some type of regret
Love is a foundation staying strong
Peace not always easy to maintain
Respect yourself others levels of pain

Years of living with family has been frustrating. He didn't have kids he had freedom while bad parents left their kids with grandma. He was single not in a pointless power struggle relationship. Working to better his life not have kids that he couldn't afford. Paid his share of rent while everyone piggybacking off grandma.
When they partied they blamed him. If he was to go out he'd get a guilt trip by people that didn't work. Trying to make him seem like the bad guy because he wanted to live life outside of the chaos.

He had it all once he lost it everyone was gone disappeared. Rebuilding yourself a process to figure out what you want. Asking what does it mean how did it end up here.

He felt angry because they lied and tried to dump it on his. He was sick of rules be this way act that way things others never did. He did it or didn't do always getting crap.
The internal conflict was taking it's toll walking the line. Feeling off balance about to topple over everyone talks about each other but never tries to better themselves. Always on the outside looking in once on the inside he wanted out.
He didn't like to disappoint others but they expected too much. Anything he did was never good enough. He did what he loved so many are miserable trying to knock him because they think they'll matter. Making a difference for all the wrong reasons later justifying them as right.

Trying to belong fit in was hard for him. He didn't give anyone crap and took crap from no one. He hid a broken heart after being rejected all he wanted was to be himself. He felt like quitting and giving up but all his life was a fight to be heard to be understood. Hes been denied opportunity but worked harder. Overlooked because he didn't want to **** up or brown nose to move up.
He was tired one sided friendships so they called him a rebel he got use to being alone. He had been betrayed by people he considered family and his family was the worse. He loved them but he refused to compromise himself.

Living life trying to make things right
Unite the family there's so much division
Pray everyone would get along
I don't care about money
People over material possessions
Wealth helps but doesn't make people happy
Health has more value gives life meaning

We met in high school and time has flown by. You are married and have kids. You came to me in a dream. You put your arms around me saying, "how long has it been?" You got close to my face this temptation not right and waking up from my slumber; my mind racing fueled, by wander. The glow in her eyes, but not meant to be. This love forbidden only in a dream it cannot be.

Music spoke to the heart
The best lit up the soul
Singing fueled the heart
Able to feel sane again
Numb from the world
Love from within grew
Appreciate time alone to reflect
Taking in the silence composing
Pursuing goals to live life
A dream becomes reality

Walking a tight rope to survive
You look down ready to fall considering all the obstacles
Asking is it worth it
Does it mean anything
Does it even matter
Bad people pretending to be good
While the good ones get treated bad

He got tired of social media and picked up books he started. It was time to finish them without any distractions. He reached out to people they left him hanging. He didn't take it personal but realized he was different and not like everyone else. He loved reading he even turned his tv off he loved his shows too but it wasn't stimulating his mind. He didn't always fit in but he always did what made him happy. He learned so much about himself over the past couple of years. He didn't make resolutions but everyday told himself be better don't settle.
He made his world better he always wanted to share it but the world of dating was like a shallow puddle of mud he dared not go there. He was a hopeless romantic but the romance he encountered lately made him feel hopeless. He was a late bloomer but willing to try. He never based the new off the old always seen it as new and a clean slate. He didn't want a movie romance it came close but like all movies it comes to an end.
He had great social skills but so many lost in their phone texting or pretending to be important when you see the reality the internet use to be a place to escape reality but everyone make the social network the reality. People don't communicate and their are so many ways to keep contact.
He loved his family but to lower yourself and be ridiculed to accepted was not the way to go so he learned to go without he wanted to be his own person. He dreamed big and did way more than his siblings but didn't take praise or hang on to a moment but was ready to make it happen in whatever he was doing. He didn't want to like or be like them everything he did they criticized him and it angered him but later everyone else would do the same he was annoyed how the doubled standards made him out to be the bad guy. How his way was wrong but the credit was given when someone else did what he was already doing.

I love prowrestling I know it's fake but it takes me away from reality sometimes things don't go right. It lets me forget everything. So much action and corny story lines if they are good you follow them if they **** you at least get a decent match out of it. Pro wrestling has characters and gimmicks, the mainstream has lots of marketing promotions. Then there's the indies a smaller promotion that's sometimes better. You have wrestlers you've never seen or heard of but don't let their size full you they can do amazing stuff too. Then there are masked wrestler aka luchadores usually Mexican wrestlers and they are high flyers taking risks like diving of the top rope or through the ropes.
I'd like to write for them it would be awesome to have a build up a back story for the matches to more interesting.

Those feelings fade away
Always wanted to see you
But it's best I stay away
Gave my life to you
You could never be loyal and true
Moved on not going back
Walking with faith let go of hate
Walking stronger not looking back
Separate lives living for the right reasons
Not the same but overcame the pain
Those memories fade away in the light
Easier to sleep no more late nights thinking of you
Wanted to give you love but you treated me cruel
Now I'm loving myself staying loyal and true
Doing what I love and passionate about
All these positive vibes and feel alive

Watched from a distance observing the scene taking it all in. Putting the puzzle pieces together. Obsessed with telling the truth so many are angered and mad by it.
Not judging others but others always had something to say when no one asked. After giving his opinion it took others ganging up on him to silence him. Minding his business speaking when spoken to half the time alone minding his own business.

Been a while since I've posted this site has been acting up so I've been waiting it out. So many thoughts on my mind since I have some down time. Not use to being alone but use to it. Always determined but feels like it got me no where been reconsidering my options. Gave up things and sacrificed fear it might no happen so what else should I do or be doing. Writing has given me inner peace coped and let all those haunting memories that taunted me go. Feeling free finding reasons to live.
Ive given my all and want nothing in return but do hate when broken promises are sent my way. I'm always glad to be doing something now nothing is going on so I'm not sure what to do next. Sometimes I feel like I have time other times I feel like it's running out. Sometimes I'm scared dk where I'll end up. Don't always fit in or belong. I've been striving and surviving to get through.

People make mistakes learn from it and move on.
Some think because they control the narrative they are right
Trying to make you look and feel stupid
Giving their opinion no one asked matters
That's what they think and said
Too bad no one feels that way
He worried about this but realized it doesn't matter
He would never be one of them or seen as an equal
He didn't have to explain himself walked away tired of fighting and arguing
He wrote to clear his mind
Now his words are being use against him

The first time to Monday night raw. He could feel the energy the hair on his face stood up when he saw the titantron. The ring where all the action took place. This put a huge smile on his face.
All this he had seen on TV but he was excited to be there live and in person.
The bell would ring the lights would shine on the ring while the lights dimmed on the crowd. Watching with amazement so much to take in. It was overwhelming but the best feeling.

Hell prolly get called weird for walking up to a girl. Introducing himself and asking if he could take her out possibly get her number. The rejection would prolly hurt but he'd rather know than keep thinking about it. All the possible factors and outcomes but once it's put into play everything will work itself all those unanswered questions would be answered.

People always told him he was in his own little world. It was their way to explain his behavior because they didn't understand him. He was a loving person cared for most but when he stepped out of his bubbled world. He found the real world was negative who would want to live there. He noticed fake people how do you hurt or just people you love. It saddens him to see people pretending to be someone they are not but made into what others imposed on them.
He had been called names judged but it didn't bother him because it was the truth. How can he be mad. He was shattered though with his first love encounter. They went together it felt right but what broke him the most was he allowed this lovely girl to take his heart and play with it. He grew up in a tough love house hold and hated that feeling. Lowering himself and proving himself to be loved. She was on and off with her emotions they had something but it never went anywhere. He did love her but it was not meant to be but he would return to his bubble world never the same. Bad pain and memories remained he would learn to love again and love himself. His world torn down but rebuilding within.
He loved always even if he didn't agree never took anything to heart sometimes he felt like he didn't have one but when he used his hear and it came from his core all felt right. Nothing could bring him down or hold him back.
His eyes big and brown with a glossy shine that made him seem emotional. Long eyelashes that were natural most girls hated him because they had to use fake lashes. He would smile because he was happy not fake one to hide pain like most do.
So many thoughts in his head to him they felt right others made him out to be weird because he wasn't asking or looking for them to accept his way of doing things.
He would be honest while others fed him lies after a while the door to his door to the bubble world was closed because it was sentimental not for others if you got into the world he felt you are genuine and he felt he could trust you but once he got betrayed he'd stay away back to the bubble creating doing things that others seen as isolation but in his mind he was in paradise creating working on things that helped put his mind to ease see things with new or more perspective.

She had curly hair and it was shiny with that wet look. She had a cute smile with buck teeth that reminded me of a chimpmunk. He smile was warm and very welcoming very sweet till you ****** her off. If you got on her bad side she would be heartless and emotionless. One minute she'd love you or she would act like a complete stranger never acknowledge you or your presents. Sometimes she would love you treat you like you are important part of her world other times. She would make you feel numb like you don't matter or mean anything to her.
The day these two met was in the school cafeteria. Both anxious and interested to meet one another his heart melted and the sparkle in her eyes felt right but it was a learning experience she had been in relationships it was a whole new world and experience for this young man. He wasn't cool but confident he didn't have much but worked hard for what he wanted and thankful for all he had going for him.
These two would have lots of personality but with time they would discover more about themselves.

They left you broken
But it made you strong
Not holding a grudge goes no where
Moved on not living in the past
Embraced the present new encounters
Breaking free from toxic relationships
Negative family members severed ties
Being positive doing good things
Being the solution making a difference
Over the cycling zestpool lifestyle
Not about that life out grew the box

Letting it go feeling it flow away
The pain fades over the years
Numbness gains feeling
Pouring it out on the sand
Taken away by the tide
Washed away feeling natural
The ocean wind cleansing the soul
Wet sand in toes free feet breathing
Recharged away from work
Break through the routine

Thankful for his mentors polished
Not afraid of the work
Tired of bad communication
Cared more than most
Wishing for change over the drama
Didn't argue the over reaction got twisted
Not speaking up the lies
And rumors continued to grow
Trying not to get triggered
Stayed humble and true
Not talking about anyone
Not saying anything to anyone
Being mindful listening
Minding his sharp tongue
Staying quiet observing

Writing has been therapy, able to share emotions, and feel. so many try to label you for being different. Hatred for the truth, while others project assumptions full of lies. Don't have many true friends everyone wants different things.
Very rare to meet up with a person, pick up where you left off. Friends come and go like the seasons stick around treat you like family.  Music gives life a positive vibe stories to tell a life lived so many memories.

He looked in the mirror see his face had changed. Chubby cheek and wrinkles when he made faces.
He felt the same but things around him changed so many trends so much movement he could not keep up. Things don't happen right away it took time. He compares his youth to today, he didn't have social media. He had to be social, he didn't use date sites he went on dates did ask her out and was a man about it. It's interesting how there is so many ways to communicate and everyone is antisocial. He called a friend and wrote letters to keep contact. He lived in the moment while today everyone streams or videos to get likes or approval from people they dk. Over all these labels don't care if you are vegan, liberal, gay, or any other made up way to stand out just be a good person treat people right. People talk big behind the computer or a front when the camera is recording once it's of they aren't saying anything. With age you grow see old traditions fade but those are the  values that the generation before grew up with and new tradition losing value no one original but exciting online not living a life. Broke free once was consumed with age you see the greats fall and the playing field change hands sometimes for the better other times in fear you may or may not understand. You replaced your elders now the youth will replace your way and your time is up. Live life to the fullest live for those who passed and live for those who chose to have a family because you see the world through different lenses. Your youth is gone those memories bring you a smile while you try to make new ones means starting over with new people because the old moved on and no one is waiting around.

Sad how many act like you owe them
Tried to be cool just didn't fit in
To be honest you didn't accept
Or want me around back in the day
Use to care and value what you had to say
Now it's whatever your mistaken to think you're better than me
One day you will see don't mess with me
Things won't ever be like they use to be
Waking up within all negativity turning it into positivity
Trimming out all the bad
Avoiding all the toxic people
You only care for yourself
It was a thing you cut me out there is no we
Tried to say mean things
Turns out your weak
Act tough because no one care what you think
You are not to bright wasting up all the light
Moment passed waiting for the moment on a cold winter night
Trying to fight but no need for that back to the cave pen and pad write it all out.

He was a huge sports fanatic when he didn't have a job. Now he barely has time for himself and trying to get back into what he loved. He enjoyed a good book and appreciated comedy he did love to make the people around him laugh and smile but everyone took life too serious.
Anything he did seemed to bother others he did love to train mma but everyone thought he was trying to pick a fight with him. He never claimed to be a badass but did like to fight for the competitiveness of the sport. He did train with people but they would not show up or hold up their end, he would become frustrated eventually he learned to be alone.
He was determined it was an addiction, anything he did he wanted to be the best at it. He had so many crowds and friends. He was never the leader but the mouth piece the voice of reason. He spoke up some loved him for his honesty while others hated him for it. He was straight up that's what good friends do. Most went behind his back bashed him pretending to be loyal to his face. He found out the true friends let go of the fake ones.
He got involved with a film group because he wrote scripts wanting to work behind the scenes because being involved or a lead was overwhelming. He gave them ideas, he was not heard, ignored. He gave them the idea to do a podcast later they would kick him out and act like they were the master minds behind the show. He did object yet again he was not being heard. The podcast had a mild fan base, no longer fun for him. He decided to leave the group since it was no longer fun and it was no longer his dream or vision it did come true but would grow into something more without him.
He had another script he had been working on for years so many characters no faces just dialogue and characters with personas that stood out.
He hung with bands made suggestions but creative juices floating around everyone with their own inspiration and influenced. The creative process such a high stimulating feeling that is hard to get enough of.

Walking through the cemetery
On a cold rainy day soaking it in
Praying for family and friends
Reading books to relax his mind
Not obsessing over writing ideas
Racing the clock at work to finish
They'd rather shut it down
Instead of giving it a chance
They'd rather tell you than listen
Try to punk you out for answers
Not saying anything to fuel this fire
Let it burn out on it's own
Making it personal with insults
Making issues over abandonment
Instead of solving the problem
Being the cause of drams
Mostly in conflict with solution

Dressed for the weather because it's going to be a hot day but don't want to get sunburned. Hiking is a morning or afternoon actitivity it's crazy for me to do mid day. Hiking trails are different from trails most rode a mountain bike I preferred a stunt bike. Pumping hard and hauling ***. The turns and paths so narrow and sharp.

Always talking about growth and change
Sometimes the change doesn't happen right away
Working hard behind the scenes
Preparing towards the goals achieving success
It's about balance and maintaining success
What makes sense to you others find crazy
Results produced towards the outcome
Easy to see the ending do the work
That's between leading towards the dream
Take the steps to make moves to be happy
Even if you're alone stay sane deflect pain

He had a hard time sleeping music would comfort him. It made work go by faster he love his music it brought back memories. His first dance with the girl he loved. Music while they kissed and got intimate listening to together. Music made road trips feel exciting. His music always made time feel worthy instead of wasted.

While the world sleeps wide awake
The days are short, nights feel endless
Heat makes the day hard to tolerate
While the cold night is soothing easy to relax
Telling my journal my goal my dream
So many fantasties meant to be a reality
The hard part is trying when being denied is common
Willing to change be no one else is willing to do the same
Wake up late the pure night sky and the stars so far yet so close
Sometimes they are the light and inspires passion to write
The night is a friend and the best part when the day ends