Lots of growth after cutting the cord. Not what they said we are not the same. You have your life respect it. Let me live mine. Don't tell me how to interact with my kiddos. Don't attack my personal life because your life is better. I'd think you'd be happy not plowing down others to feel secure. Not in control taking power only for your own self interest. Pushing people out alienating them manipulating others. Not empowering the corruption feeding the toxic behavior

It was 2003 and it was prom time for the seniors. Everyone had a date pairing off. He asked a few girl but they left him hanging.  He saw potential in them and they wasted his time.
His best friend decided to help him. By asking the girl he has a crush on out for him. Great friend but bad for the relationship.

Talking to this screen everything is going to be alright. Life is a fight put this guard down took a beating wasn't ready, things change when you're on defense. Fire back with some offense. Looking in the mirror overcome these fears. Release from these burdens while writing. Free to express it all get it out of this system.

Hung with my sister ate at a new place. Liked the food hit up the mall got tshirts I've been wanting.  Today was a good day away from my normal lazy day routine. I like o lock myself in my room and write also catch up on my shows sometimes look for new music by artist I like. Music is not the same now a days I can't relate. I like it up beat with a story or catchy hook. I'm a 90s kid so things now a days don't make sense but I'm getting older so things do change.

He got his heart broken over a girl he felt alone turned to alcohol it was hard for him. His first crush was a lust, he thought it was love. All that came to an end and his bother was lost in a tragic accident so much would turn his life upside down. His father was incarcerated and mother lost his siblings because of the tragic loss. He would try to pursue his education but he was too distracted trying to make the wrong right. He fell into the addiction that consumed his father trying to be happy when all was wrong. So much happen he felt ripped apart from all directions.
The people he valued looked through him treated him like she didn't matter. He would go visit his siblings at his aunt's she would have custody of them. She would get on his case regarding his mother getting her life together. His mother was a stubborn woman she didn't have much but did put her kids first. She did have bad habits but would learn to be a responsible person since she was a stay home mother most of her life. The family was there through the tough times but sometimes they are the ones making it much worse than what it needs to be.
The family was ripped apart everyone wanted to be right. Just because you talked loud didn't make you right. He had those uncles that never have you advice but make a point to humiliate you so they can feel secure with themselves.
He never said what he thought because his honesty always got him in trouble. He would ask questions and challenge people bring out the best in them but they couldn't handle the pressure or they'd challenge him and he'd surpass their expectation.

It was always a fight
Be this way do it that way
So many rules enforced against him
Broken or not applied to others
Struggling to fit in usually kept out
Once cared told it doesn't matter
Not a golden child or favorite
Working to matter make a difference
Called a rebel for resisting misconduct
Trying to make it to the end not quit
Working harder no surrender
Keeping his mouth shut was hard
The frustration was real feeling burden

Never one to fit in or belong
Kept out for not knowing Spanish
Held to another standard
While everything is in chaos
Said sorry it's never enough
Changed behavior over the years
Haunted by the past not there
Not the same person as before
Forgiving easier than forgetting
Life lessons over regretting

Almost time to go be on my way home soon. Working hard to get paid possibly have it made. Talked to an old friend the true ones things never end. Making plans for a trip have been fishing since I was a in twenties. Never caught any fish but did catch a buzz.
You wait to catch fish and get lost with your thoughts. The wind and scenery tell you stories the more you observe.

Learning to forgive and move on
Never said anything bad to you
Threatened by my differences
Causing conflict trying to feel superior
Not empowering a hungry ego
Not reacting or overreacting to your remarks
Don't have to explain myself your mind is made up
If I gave an opinion it becomes a debate to justify your misconduct
Quick to point out others flaws then notice your own
Failed but learning from it
Made mistakes changed behavior

It's hard to sleep this summer heat
My mind is racing so much to write
Another ******* up night with bad sleep patterns
Hard to sleep sharing my thoughts with a pen on the pad
Music makes me feel able to relate
Overall being judged and the hate
Close my eyes trying to rest but wide awake

He loved his family but they don't support him or believe in him. It was hard to cut the cord but he did keep a distance. Pursuing his dreams on the low low playing new roles feeling blessed new mindset for the future. Living in the moment new people and new encounters the right people.
Some looked at him like he mattered they believed in him.
For once they valued him and appreciate his efforts this was all new to him. He felt his growth empowered onto new things and moving forward with life. Not stuck or feeling like life was on pause waiting around. New opportunities and chances.

He didn't clash with people but some treated him bad he took it. The day he spoke up everyone would try to come at him. He didn't overreact or lose his cool because they came at him acting savage so he stayed civil. They wanted him to make a scene turns out no reaction was the best solution.
He wouldn't let them twist his words or make him feel bad pick at him thinking he was weak. They try to insult you and expect you to be rational you trust them but you feel squeezed you know they wouldn't do the same for you.

Things changed you'd fight for them to be the same
In the end, it ends up being a huge waste of time.
People come and go like seasons
Some you wish would stay but they go
They abandoned you when you thought highly of them
Once had history the friend over left in mystery
No reason or purpose over all the tough love
Wanted it more, now idk anything about you
Cut me out I always had your back, please take your knife back not sticking around
Helped you when you were down I needed you no where to be found

Had a great weekend caught up on my shows and got lots of writing. Thinking what I want to do with my life I'm older wiser made many detours and mistakes most of I learned from them.
Let go not looking back anymore, sometimes you observe what matters instead trying to fix things that are gone and not coming back. You just be better for what's new and the next time around. Looked at what I started and some stuff I need to get back on track with and finish.
I was too quick to run with the wrong crowd because I feared being alone. I work so I can have companionship but I'm focused on my tasks and making money. After a sibling dies you do what to do how to make it right make things better because everything is messed up and feels like it will never be right.
The family torn apart taken away put into foster care. Pursuing an education and can't do anything to help going to college up north a school that is like Mayberry after growing up in an all brown community such a change and culture shock.
During this tragic loss the one you see as the love of your life doesn't feel or see you the same way and bails on you because she has other affairs that don't include you lined up.
The last couple of years in a loop stuck asking wondering why all this happened. The family back together but not the same. The ex married and has kids while you have a hard time interacting with others. College an unfinished task that need to be completed a few more credits. Does this degree matter will it make a difference.
Many twists and turns to figure out my destination. Years of working like a full timer but really a part timer. Got lost on work because it was money to invest in myself but working so much I don't always have time for myself.

Things are better most of the time whatever
Free from the past no looking back not where I'm at no going back
From young and dumb to older wiser forgave myself no one but me could do that for myself.
Counting my blessings breaking free from misery goodbye to negativity being me who I'm meant to be
Love so many but alone best way to go
Cut me out but I'll be fine doing my thing your opinion don't mean anything if you ain't helping me. I'd be close but you me away now stay better off anyway. Glory hounds taking all the credit don't need to be praised just need to be done.
Not hurting anyone or trying get hurt live in peace not fall back into bad habits. Cleaned up my act not the same sad how bad memories remain

He had to write and post a podcast for his therapy session clear his mind and open his heart. Let all the good vibes energy flow out instead of keeping it in. Living his best life moving on going forward not waiting around just doing not saying mostly all action.
Keeps on writing his story from one level to the next. Encounters socially awkward but just as weird maybe weirder.

Tried to bring you up
All you did was bring me down
We don't talk anymore
Your name will never come out of my mouth
Quick to change the subject
You don't like me but my name keeps coming out of yours
Slander my name I don't care to argue
I'd defend myself no point it's a waste of time
I'd never make you feel the way you made me feel
I don't care anymore whatever you win
It's not my problem anymore
Learned from the unfortunate events
Bern through and seen some ****
Nothing you do can hurt me any worse
Stepping it up going forward not going back

Always wanted to be normal
After a failed relationship its easier to be single
The silent treatment from family because communication is limited
Working hard to better the situation
From many friends preferring to be alone
Change and growth learning those life lessons
Trying not to complain make the most of things
At the bottom moving uo in ranks
Not a lead but helping make progress

Woke up tired and sluggish
Working hard to make ppl look bad because they chose to be lazy
That was a bonus they don't try
Or do the work and have the nerve to complain
Venting was hard to do so he wrote
Trying to flip and twist his words
Make him out to be the bad guy in the wrong
Because they wanted him to be less so they could be happy
He wasn't having it

Haven't been posting it's been a while
Not stressed out mind not racing for miles
Always in this routine breaking out
Have fun live life to the fullest for the fallen
Work too much giving my all they don't appreciate all I've done
Ready to walk away no need to stay
Did it because I said I would lots of delays but finally made it not settling on a whole new level
If I'm doing well no one notices; make a mistake everyone is watching
Writing dialog having fun saying the truth most are offended
They dish it out but can't take it
Returned the favor they point out the obvious most of the the time they are oblivious
Just because you did your way doesn't mean it's the only way
Mad at me no surprised what are you going to do ignore me not talk to me stuff I'm already use to.
Spoke up never said anything before, from making me out to be the villian now you're playing the victim

Before the mind would race everything going crazy then silence everything is calm you feel at peace. The anger no longer consumes you washed away feel at peace.
Would complain and whine but counting my blessings thankful for what I got.
Over come the pain and heal enjoy life live in the moment it's real.
Can't live in the past the imagination can go back but only forward.
No more holding onto bad memories like a trophy.
Tell fun stories make and live in New moments.
Listen to the sound of peace not so much chaos and insanity.
Felt like the world was against you coming at you
Waiting and ready nothing took a beating but won't stay down.
Always working on my feet thankful for my down time.
Time with good people since everyone gets ***** doing their own thing.
Let it go things can't be changed let it be.

The first kiss was charged while it became emotionless over time. She was continually angry never happy or satisfied. He did his thing it was seen as the worse but when she did her stuff it was pardoned everyone expected to turn a blind eye. He remained loyal she drove him crazy because she couldn't get her way.
He was use to no and never got his way. She'd try to manipulate everything in her favor even if it meant destroying everything around her. Things never made sense not able to grasp her concepts. She would tear his world down trying to change him

His pain faded as he wrote
Filled each page with feelings
Coped with emotions passed moments
Always working missing out
Trying to enjoy life find true love
Live to the fullest take joy in the one
Called selfish for being selective
Always selfless putting others first
Took a time out always all in
They'd never approve he didn't bother
Living a private life others prying
An open book others had no interest
Walked away there was no going back
Didn't ask because they'd ruin his day
Spreading their misery they aren't happy

Putting on his favorite playlist
Songs that inspired him to be better
Got him motivated on his walk
He was able to relate and connect
Years of being ignored and excluded
He forgave people but kept a distance
Everything was one sided unfair
All he did was give everyone was hard
Being different was easy to be alone
A struggle fitting in to be pushed out
Felt like shutting down exhausted
Against the grain so much pain
Some days full of energy going well
Other days feeling drained getting by
Time flies by where the day went
Some never ending wanting it to end

He changed his diet and gave up energy drinks they became his vice after he gave up drinking. He was trying to better his situation. Working with an ego driven lead so many bad moments. Making him want to transfer and not deal with the power trip. He enjoyed his job using what he earned to invest in his supplies for writing.
Instead of eating fast food he would make a healthier selection. Trying to look better and find confidence to ask out a girl that caught his eye. He feared rejection and didn't want to end up in another failed relationship. Not looking for *** but actually trying to get to know a person be able to communicate have a healthy relationship.

From that crazy world so much change
Living in the crazy new mindset
Trying to make sense of everything
Being normal health declining
Loved the church but they shut it down
Walking tall in faith God is great
Believing walking with grace
Telling the truth so much hate floating
Why do people accept lies as the truth
A whole new person once the mask is off
The act fades the personality runs thin
Always grateful to have a job earning it
Not struggling working hard the agenda
Found self love from being selfless
Giving it all expecting nothing in return
Standing alone doing what's right
Living by the moral code years of growth
Years of rejection feeding determination

There are times when turning away to keep the peace goes wrong
The internal struggle
Talking and being ignored
Looking for permission
Doing the work right
Another fight in the mind
Anger and rage blinded
Everything such a blur
Keep fighting with scenarios
Keep on writing to calm down
Did wrong trying to make it wrong
Been hurt too many times
Hard to trust after so much betrayal

He always wanted to fit in or belong even if meant giving up what he loved. He didn't belong and sacrificed but still surpassed those who doubted him and left him out. He never knocked anyone or used anyone he was a worker a team player someone who took pride in his work. He was loyal and true what made him sad was all the people he thought highly of thought nothing of him. He pursued success and got treated like a failure. He failed in his relationship to be with his friends now they are in relationships not making time for anyone. That balance and transition is difficult he worked too much no social life; he had a social life but didn't work too often. He loved to be better while others soaked in their misery he didn't understand. He valued people seen them as more but they settled for worse and blamed others when its their life. He didn't agree but didn't argue because some are set in their ways and won't accept change or refuse to do so.
He didn't bother with anyone but everything he did seem to bother everyone. He worried for their feelings that distracted him while tried to help them come up with a solution turns out it was not his problem. He wanted to help and support others hoping they would do the same. They gave him the 3rd degree left him hanging when he needed them. He learned to not be available to people who made him an option instead of a priority.
He rose above all those who judged him and mocked him. They told them NO but he was already doing it. He always did what made him happy even if it was a secret him doing it in private. He made time for himself because no one else gave him the time of day. In the end he felt accomplished satisfied because he had done it critics or not he was happy doing it that's what made it work while he journey continued while he grew into the person he was destine to become.

Woke up grabbed a pen, a notebook pad
Trying to come up with inspiration
Anxious to inspire others to be great
Able to relate not everyone is alone
These thoughts hard deep from with
Not sure it should be said
Others think the same hiding within the pain
Letting go, pushing it out, focus on getting out of this situation
Struggle is meant to be conquered
Don't hold onto the past like a trophy
The past is over stop collecting bad moments
Stop holding onto the past make new moments
Not everything, everyone shapes defines a being
All the negativity, can be better without
Not trying to trigger, make anyone mad
Life stuck in transition time for a new position
Scared of the unknown stuck on the past
Attached to what's familiar not fond of change
Change always occurs no say or control anymore

Not a big guy but his heart meant well
His love caused hurt due to betrayal
Giving his all running on fumes
Watching them grow on the go
Love from a distance much resistance Rep ruined staying away to keep loved ones safe
Can't force things need time to heal
One day everyone will understand
Instead of conditional love with terms
Tired of being squeezed everyone remains the same

He didn't lime to argue
His heart meant well
Trying to be a better person
He'd rather make things right
Than let things fester up within
His plans ruined by others egos
He didn't expect them to change
But didn't like being told anything
When his feelings were ignored
His emotions made things worse
Denying them to keep the peace
Gave too much feeling burned up disrespected
Open to change not limiting things
Once options are limited more could've been done

Finished up the day, it feels late, but it's not
Trying to relax and stay calm
Back is locking up and the body glad to be in bed
Took pills for pain so it could ease up
Release the tension
Need to rest but wide awake deep in thought
Still hasn't happen yet the world feels blocked out
Rise above the people who slander my name
Trying to rest but restless thoughts

Always writing wondering, how my words could inspire. Striving and surviving work hard feel alive no more being dead walking numb emotionless.
Thankful full of life feeling alive and revived
Not making the same mistakes or giving in all in for the win. Been going strong pray nothing goes wrong. Stay focused, finish strong.
Overcome many struggles fighting to stay on top
Did it many ways and failed will faith and strong will all prevails.
Clean mind staying sober, being alone and write it feels right. Avoiding negative people focused on my goals and task, no more drama or pain
Healed clear sight, walking strong, no need to fight it will be alright

On the beach it was fun with friends
The night fog rolled in and the fire was burning
Staying near the flame the cold gives you chills
Making s'mores to keep warm from the heat
extending you hands to keep them from going numb
Circled the fire to share fun stories
It's the summer let go of all your worries
Hearing the ocean tide in the distance
The night was young so much resistances
Summer nights what a thrill hard t sleep
The cold giving shakes deep down to core
Another night out on the beach many more to come
Summer fun on the beach is a daze
Summer fun such a good time remember those days.

Showing them love they ignore you
Making time for them to be forgotten
Reaching out feeling like you're  bugging
Trying to be more stuck with less
Never settling not an option on the side
Wanting more to emotionally invested
Made them a priority invested time
Treated like an option being set aside
Being at your beat getting their worse
Walked into danger to be betrayed
Kept coming back for more seen good
Now staying away got hurt for caring
After all the wicked deceitful love
Feeling defeat taste of rejection

Around band practice makes me want to do more with music. I play simple drums can hold a beat. Ideas on how to read tabs for bass and guitar. Music is fun it takes me away and helps me use my imagination sets a mood and tempo while writing. I wish I could sing hit those notes and have melody in my voice. I've been told write music but dk who to connect with.
Being young and angry can only get you so far. Now I'm older wiser and at peace. I have so many ideas as I get older feels like I'm running out of time. Music makes work fly by making it more tolerable.

Feeling free coping with emotions
Sober in a toxic world
Honest in a cruel crowd
Being kept out but will shine
Somewhere else fine true love
All the betrayal made him strong
The hatred couldn't be consume him
Overlooked by family shut him down
Made him believe in himself

They called him a delusional because he told the truth. Ever since he called them on their lies now they are mad. Trying to talk bad about him like it's justified. What's worse is family he stood tall for them and they wouldn't even look out for him.
Never to his face always behind his back. He had better things going on than wasting time with people who made up their mind about him. He stopped caring walked away. Still talking thinking they are right. He wanted to get away from it all.