Trying to be normal made out to be a monster
Lost in the crowd found in his writing
Brothers act like strangers not talking
A sister holding a grudge never forgiven
Being right in an ugly world
Children being neglected
Uneducated opinions being spoken

Turned the other cheek and kept his mouth closed. When he spoke up and everyone acts like he doesn't have feelings or emotions. He was silent keeping the peace. They tried to ruin his inner peace take away from him.
He was his own person and didn't belong to anyone.
They told him he was crazy for challenging himself. Pushing his limits he slowed down, but was conserving energy. Stop wasting it on people, who drained him. He didn't care to feed needy insecure egos. He refuse to use people to get ahead or take advantage.

Trying to do right be better
Going against the wrong
Taking on crazy being slandered
Not letting it phase this heart
Wanting to be normal
Always looked at treated differently

Around band practice makes me want to do more with music. I play simple drums can hold a beat. Ideas on how to read tabs for bass and guitar. Music is fun it takes me away and helps me use my imagination sets a mood and tempo while writing. I wish I could sing hit those notes and have melody in my voice. I've been told write music but dk who to connect with.
Being young and angry can only get you so far. Now I'm older wiser and at peace. I have so many ideas as I get older feels like I'm running out of time. Music makes work fly by making it more tolerable.

He was tired of holding back as he watched the girl he was into walk by.
Doing everyone's work when he didn't even want to do his own work. Dealing with his family everyone set in their ways he was over compromising himself for others while they treated others bad and took advantage. He stopped comparing getting involved most of all caring.

His pain faded as he wrote
Filled each page with feelings
Coped with emotions passed moments
Always working missing out
Trying to enjoy life find true love
Live to the fullest take joy in the one
Called selfish for being selective
Always selfless putting others first
Took a time out always all in
They'd never approve he didn't bother
Living a private life others prying
An open book others had no interest
Walked away there was no going back
Didn't ask because they'd ruin his day
Spreading their misery they aren't happy

Found some success new goals
Missing family everyone head strong
Chasing a dream no one understands
Everyone has their plans to follow
Trying to share success that's knocked
Lots of imposition be happy for others
Their hatred ruining everything
Not allowing it anymore
Staying away to keep the peace
Ribbing one another as a joke
Everything becomes personal
Everyone talks but can't take it
Not respect expecting sympathy
Running things to the ground
Then have the nerve to complain

They try to take you down
Working fighting for your own
From a lead to behind the scenes
Took charge up from doing the work
While others steal the credit the glory
They can't save you save yourself
Walked away a lonely road of sobriety
Working like a boss not getting paid like one
Rebuild yourself better hard to trust anyone
Digging down always lost finding something

Been a while since I've posted this site has been acting up so I've been waiting it out. So many thoughts on my mind since I have some down time. Not use to being alone but use to it. Always determined but feels like it got me no where been reconsidering my options. Gave up things and sacrificed fear it might no happen so what else should I do or be doing. Writing has given me inner peace coped and let all those haunting memories that taunted me go. Feeling free finding reasons to live.
Ive given my all and want nothing in return but do hate when broken promises are sent my way. I'm always glad to be doing something now nothing is going on so I'm not sure what to do next. Sometimes I feel like I have time other times I feel like it's running out. Sometimes I'm scared dk where I'll end up. Don't always fit in or belong. I've been striving and surviving to get through.

Woke up early it's still dark
The fog around the lake
Moisture making it sweater weather
Making the air cold with every inhale
Rushed to the ER given blood thinners
Staying clear of stress away from toxic
Moving up can't stay down forever
Bouncing back going hard determines

She told him he was the one
Let him go then got married
Talking about marriage for citizenship
Looking for love got lust broken trust
Gave respect with wasted time
Till something better came alone
It was over there was someone else
Quick to move while he regrouped
Messed around on a break kept it over
Can't be mad but did expect loyalty
Talking about getting back together
All these scenarios events playing out

He didn't want to be like his parents. All he wanted was to be himself and not go through hell just to be accepted. He wasn't in a rush but felt pressured by everyone. Be this do that things they wanted projected on him. He stayed away trying to improve behind the scenes.
He had love for them but they never treated him right or fair. He never has a say or control but did get all the backlash for things that had nothing to do with him. He tried to learn and understand but learned its not his problem and to stay out.
How do they know what's best when they never tried. It was such a handful of drama that made him keep a distances. He called them on it now the bad guy.

Learning to forgive and move on
Never said anything bad to you
Threatened by my differences
Causing conflict trying to feel superior
Not empowering a hungry ego
Not reacting or overreacting to your remarks
Don't have to explain myself your mind is made up
If I gave an opinion it becomes a debate to justify your misconduct
Quick to point out others flaws then notice your own
Failed but learning from it
Made mistakes changed behavior

It was 2003 and it was prom time for the seniors. Everyone had a date pairing off. He asked a few girl but they left him hanging.  He saw potential in them and they wasted his time.
His best friend decided to help him. By asking the girl he has a crush on out for him. Great friend but bad for the relationship.

Writing in the break room everyone decides to be social on this day. Trying to be social everyone is busy. The day could be so random surprising the out come. Liked his new location the people say hi and know his name. His other job feeling like an outsider looking in trying to relate.
Not always understood a worker someone giving his all. Even if they liked him or not. Plenty of years to work not waiting to retire.
Around bad leads leading by example working every cent nothing is given. Looking out for others being selfless learned to cope with the process what's going on taking situations. Do more than most not settling for less.

Always wanted to be normal
After a failed relationship its easier to be single
The silent treatment from family because communication is limited
Working hard to better the situation
From many friends preferring to be alone
Change and growth learning those life lessons
Trying not to complain make the most of things
At the bottom moving uo in ranks
Not a lead but helping make progress

Why and what's stopping you. You've done it before what's changed what are you scared of those are questions and ways to reflect during writing to help grow and improve.
Be thankful for what you got some have it all and are not happy. Knocking the people with less but its to help them feel secure since they aren't doing anything worth talking about.
Always thankful for kind people growing up with tough love is not always easy.

The wild one up all night drinking
Keep the crazy mind from thinking
Told the truth sober going insane
No one is listening spoke up
Under the influence blaming the liquor
From many friends to rolling solo
Years of being alone becoming unknown
Remembered for the past wild child
Living in the moment sober living
From over the edge to straight edge
Long days up all night writing
On the road joy riding cruising the street
Ink pad collecting deep thought emotions
Let ot go before it comes your happiness
Dealing with the stress leaves you restless
While avoiding it causes you to lose peace
Overthinking can run it all down
The vibes are mixed no middle ground

It was always a fight
Be this way do it that way
So many rules enforced against him
Broken or not applied to others
Struggling to fit in usually kept out
Once cared told it doesn't matter
Not a golden child or favorite
Working to matter make a difference
Called a rebel for resisting misconduct
Trying to make it to the end not quit
Working harder no surrender
Keeping his mouth shut was hard
The frustration was real feeling burden

Watched from a distance observing the scene taking it all in. Putting the puzzle pieces together. Obsessed with telling the truth so many are angered and mad by it.
Not judging others but others always had something to say when no one asked. After giving his opinion it took others ganging up on him to silence him. Minding his business speaking when spoken to half the time alone minding his own business.

Almost time to go home
All these ideas in my mind roam
Smiled because we shared a laugh
Keep focused trying to get the job done
Strive to stay alive hearts open to be revived
Some days are okay others overwhelming staying focused
Keep working till you get it right
It becomes natural makes sense

He was not good with others feelings so that made it hard for him to start over. Getting to know people is hard especially when everyone is sensitive or tries to twist his words. He had lost many friends because of a girl. He got along with everyone and was likeable. His friends had a crush but couldn't seal the deal. He accepted the ******* his friends behalf even though he could care less he just wanted his friend to be happy. They made him out to be the scapegoat because the girl they had interest in was not interested in them. He would be the middle man, his friend would hate him over a girl that he no longer associated with or he would befriend the girl losing his original over these failing events. He got tired of being blamed so he went away gave up his place because he didn't belong or like the pressure of others.
He never talked about anyone but everyone always had something to say about him when all he did was mind his business. He cared for his friends but they always got mad held a grudge. He got tired of caring the burdens of people who didn't care about him. He was only good for favors once that stopped everyone disappeared no where to be found. He made mistakes he not perfect nor did he claim to be. He learned if they didn't make him better or allow him to b happy and grow he didn't need them or care to associate with people who wanted him to give up part of himself to be liked or accepted.

He was the black sheep of the family. He wasn't bad but he wanted more; while the rest of his siblings settled. He had his own unique style and got criticized for it he was the oldest of 6. He didn't follow but he was a trailBlazer. They knocked him but he kept going forward. His family was not rich but family did judge them and looked down on them. He was hard working strived for more. He would not settle for less or lower himself to be accepted. He enjoyed giving his all and bringing out the best in others.
As he got older his mind gathered knowledge and wiser up. He is always battling comparing himself to who he was and who he has become. He asked questions and prepared for the task since its always an obstacle. Things come natural or learned quickly because he doesn't like relying on anyone. He never made excuses but dived in willing to conquer make it his own.
He was motivated to move up and strive to improve.

Lots of growth after cutting the cord. Not what they said we are not the same. You have your life respect it. Let me live mine. Don't tell me how to interact with my kiddos. Don't attack my personal life because your life is better. I'd think you'd be happy not plowing down others to feel secure. Not in control taking power only for your own self interest. Pushing people out alienating them manipulating others. Not empowering the corruption feeding the toxic behavior

There are times when turning away to keep the peace goes wrong
The internal struggle
Talking and being ignored
Looking for permission
Doing the work right
Another fight in the mind
Anger and rage blinded
Everything such a blur
Keep fighting with scenarios
Keep on writing to calm down
Did wrong trying to make it wrong
Been hurt too many times
Hard to trust after so much betrayal

He wanted to make them laugh and smile but they brought him down. He saw good in them but got the worse. He brought his best but it was never enough. He just wanted to belong but never fit in. He hated starting over because it would be from the bottom and only going so far.
He didn't like to flake was always reliable. Even when they tried to make things hard by complicating things. He minded his mouth and kept to himself his loneliness was easy to deal with than complicated people.

Haven't been posting it's been a while
Not stressed out mind not racing for miles
Always in this routine breaking out
Have fun live life to the fullest for the fallen
Work too much giving my all they don't appreciate all I've done
Ready to walk away no need to stay
Did it because I said I would lots of delays but finally made it not settling on a whole new level
If I'm doing well no one notices; make a mistake everyone is watching
Writing dialog having fun saying the truth most are offended
They dish it out but can't take it
Returned the favor they point out the obvious most of the the time they are oblivious
Just because you did your way doesn't mean it's the only way
Mad at me no surprised what are you going to do ignore me not talk to me stuff I'm already use to.
Spoke up never said anything before, from making me out to be the villian now you're playing the victim

Sometimes writing makes sense and the stuff I feel fades or I'm left asking g myself why do I think this way. I should let it go like that I learn more about myself. Express myself in a healthy manner I usually collect thought. Unexpressed emotions I wish I said or could said because I don't want ppl to think I'm stupid or let's of me because I see things differently. I'm always listening to others problems and never attend to my own. It's different though because before I can be honest and no one would be mad at me. Now everyone easily upset or offended. I tell the truth even though it leads to others hating me because I didn't tell them what they wanted to hear.

Silent to keep the peace
Causes internal struggle
The war within never ending
Moral code as a shield
Too many people easily influence
Standing alone being a man
Walking solo not into crowd
Too old for hype aged out
Popularity leads to a lonely life
Once it's over still alone
Left with thoughts what if
Different outcomes failed risks
Not able to change the ends

Too many made up rules
Explain without triggering
Making others deal with the conversation
Not able to debate argue with hate
Providing personal feelings
Instead of facts personal bias
Enforce policy do what's right
Laws that changed more crimes
This world is wrong
So much contradiction
Destroying the past try to rewrite
Trying to change history
Everything canceled out
Nothing left even credibility

I love prowrestling I know it's fake but it takes me away from reality sometimes things don't go right. It lets me forget everything. So much action and corny story lines if they are good you follow them if they **** you at least get a decent match out of it. Pro wrestling has characters and gimmicks, the mainstream has lots of marketing promotions. Then there's the indies a smaller promotion that's sometimes better. You have wrestlers you've never seen or heard of but don't let their size full you they can do amazing stuff too. Then there are masked wrestler aka luchadores usually Mexican wrestlers and they are high flyers taking risks like diving of the top rope or through the ropes.
I'd like to write for them it would be awesome to have a build up a back story for the matches to more interesting.

Talking to this screen everything is going to be alright. Life is a fight put this guard down took a beating wasn't ready, things change when you're on defense. Fire back with some offense. Looking in the mirror overcome these fears. Release from these burdens while writing. Free to express it all get it out of this system.

Things are better most of the time whatever
Free from the past no looking back not where I'm at no going back
From young and dumb to older wiser forgave myself no one but me could do that for myself.
Counting my blessings breaking free from misery goodbye to negativity being me who I'm meant to be
Love so many but alone best way to go
Cut me out but I'll be fine doing my thing your opinion don't mean anything if you ain't helping me. I'd be close but you me away now stay better off anyway. Glory hounds taking all the credit don't need to be praised just need to be done.
Not hurting anyone or trying get hurt live in peace not fall back into bad habits. Cleaned up my act not the same sad how bad memories remain

Missing the person that use to be free
Not a care in the world just getting by
Before heartbreak life seem promising
Chasing moments living experiences
New encounters an empowering reward
Breaking away from the boring routine
Cutting off toxic tired of condescension
Called deceivers out demanding the truth
Turned away onto new away with the old

Things changed you'd fight for them to be the same
In the end, it ends up being a huge waste of time.
People come and go like seasons
Some you wish would stay but they go
They abandoned you when you thought highly of them
Once had history the friend over left in mystery
No reason or purpose over all the tough love
Wanted it more, now idk anything about you
Cut me out I always had your back, please take your knife back not sticking around
Helped you when you were down I needed you no where to be found

He was a huge sports fanatic when he didn't have a job. Now he barely has time for himself and trying to get back into what he loved. He enjoyed a good book and appreciated comedy he did love to make the people around him laugh and smile but everyone took life too serious.
Anything he did seemed to bother others he did love to train mma but everyone thought he was trying to pick a fight with him. He never claimed to be a badass but did like to fight for the competitiveness of the sport. He did train with people but they would not show up or hold up their end, he would become frustrated eventually he learned to be alone.
He was determined it was an addiction, anything he did he wanted to be the best at it. He had so many crowds and friends. He was never the leader but the mouth piece the voice of reason. He spoke up some loved him for his honesty while others hated him for it. He was straight up that's what good friends do. Most went behind his back bashed him pretending to be loyal to his face. He found out the true friends let go of the fake ones.
He got involved with a film group because he wrote scripts wanting to work behind the scenes because being involved or a lead was overwhelming. He gave them ideas, he was not heard, ignored. He gave them the idea to do a podcast later they would kick him out and act like they were the master minds behind the show. He did object yet again he was not being heard. The podcast had a mild fan base, no longer fun for him. He decided to leave the group since it was no longer fun and it was no longer his dream or vision it did come true but would grow into something more without him.
He had another script he had been working on for years so many characters no faces just dialogue and characters with personas that stood out.
He hung with bands made suggestions but creative juices floating around everyone with their own inspiration and influenced. The creative process such a high stimulating feeling that is hard to get enough of.

From that crazy world so much change
Living in the crazy new mindset
Trying to make sense of everything
Being normal health declining
Loved the church but they shut it down
Walking tall in faith God is great
Believing walking with grace
Telling the truth so much hate floating
Why do people accept lies as the truth
A whole new person once the mask is off
The act fades the personality runs thin
Always grateful to have a job earning it
Not struggling working hard the agenda
Found self love from being selfless
Giving it all expecting nothing in return
Standing alone doing what's right
Living by the moral code years of growth
Years of rejection feeding determination

He was free from their death grip. They had joined say or control over his life. He was isolated and ignored. He expected nothing from them and gave them nothing to cling onto since they tried to bad mouth him slander his name.
The truth came out on them so they'll got quiet real quick. He didn't care what they did or said. He just wanted his name cleared
He was never a follower, or going to fall into place. Health conditions or not He was always going to be himself. They could never take that away from him He resisted rather than try to understand they tried to make him out to be the compilacated one.
It bugged him but knew they had a it coming back to them. If people believed the lies it was only a matter of time till the truth came. They tried to break his spirit and silence him. He was quiet while feeding his spirit with the word.
He was open to change and listen while their ignorance got the best of them. He made moves and wasn't apologizing for pursuing his goals and dreams.
They called him delusional, but they took and used the people they bad mouth. He was glad to be doing his own thing. All the talk no one felt bad for them and cared because of all the corruption they caused.

Things are well for once all the negative people are gone he was on his path and was determined to make it to the next level. He didn't ask or want others influence because in his mind he had the plan and vision in his head even if the outcome did not come out accordingly. He learned to love himself and put his needs first. Things were better figuring out what he wanted building up confidence and courage to make his decision without others throwing their monkey wrench into his plans. He found passion in what he loves! Not worried if it was cool all that mattered was it made him happy. He had promised himself to be happy and let go of the past that kept surfacing because it was history and no longer mattered. He did change for people some for good and others didn't appreciate the sacrifice so it became for himself. The women that claimed to love him but with someone else he was not one to move on so ****** but did learn they are gone not coming back so no point in waiting around. He had many friends he valued deeply but they bad mouth him or holding a grudge because he called them out he was a good friend that told the truth. He would not be fake or a friend if he did lie.

He was learning the mechanics of the clench hand placement on the elbow and collar. Even cupping the back of the neck so that he could have control while throwing knees.
Going through the drill dishing out working on form. While takin the punishment on a higher tempo while taking knee strikes.
Learning more and more adding to his arsenal. He enjoyed training MMA so much to work on kicks and punches take downs, also ground game that he worked on.