Getting older the young athlete within
Struggling to stay relevant not healing
Working harder to come out even
Pushing through to make it to the end
Loving the sport but the body tender
Giving everything and taking way more
Moving slow not the same anymore
Being tough isn't enough taking a beating
Relying on technique to survive

I smile because I'm thankful to be working. I give my all take pride in my work. I don't expect rewards or to be praised just doing my job. I'm thankful for those who appreciate my efforts sometimes they run you through the grinder but it because you missed something it will make you better. Constructive criticism is welcomed, tell me how to be better; don't say I **** unless you provide a solution. Always open to grow work outside my level but preparing for the next. Why stay when you push me out don't set me up to fail when I'm giving you my all. I'm trying to be a success and prepare I'd like to move up not stay in the same place. I prefer to learn all I can than rely on people or wait on people. Always a team player doing my job and some else's and dk why they are talking smack like if they are doing everything but pretend to be a leader when they are at the bottom.

Everything you did got washed off
Added some character gave it flare
All of a sudden everyone is divided
Everything growing new ideas
Some want the same old thing not open to change
Character rose above the main
Reset everything saying it was a dream
Waking up saying it never happened
Using people for likes and subscribers
Once things look good cut off talent
Act like you're the genius master mind
Tried to cross promote only in it for yourself

Not always the first pick
Not always liked right away
Tired of proving myself
Years of making a stand
Another road block and detour
Trying to bounce back
Refusing to stay down
Shame of being wrong
Striving to right set up to fail
False promise bad communication
Disconnected seeking more else where
Feeling alone isolated excluded
All the gossip of others causing hate
Ready to walk away from it all
Start over somewhere new
Begin a new staying loyal and true

Stopped complaining and comparing just living
Not taking on other problems that are ignored
It's okay to be excluded like being alone found peace
Grasped closure within staying clear of drama
Once cared stopped listening to foolish demands
Quit playing others games empowering indecisive behavior
The silent treatment is rewarding not punishment
Out of the loop is better than pretending things are okay
Solo projects doing your own thing is everything

Turned the other cheek and kept his mouth closed. When he spoke up and everyone acts like he doesn't have feelings or emotions. He was silent keeping the peace. They tried to ruin his inner peace take away from him.
He was his own person and didn't belong to anyone.
They told him he was crazy for challenging himself. Pushing his limits he slowed down, but was conserving energy. Stop wasting it on people, who drained him. He didn't care to feed needy insecure egos. He refuse to use people to get ahead or take advantage.

Today I woke up with a headache and one plugged up nostril making it hard to believe. I read something about love for the one and walking away. It made me think about things. How did that happen and how far I've come from that person. I did love her I thought she was the one for me too bad I was the one of many that she strung along. Lots of mixed confused feelings I've never felt before. The time together was like trying to get a fix like an addiction that could never get enough of.
Some days we were close other days complete strangers. Never said how I felt but when I did it was already too late. Things were bad and ruined to the point of no return. How that burned deep down within my whole being. Lost in the crowds not just another face part of me fades away. The time has come keep walking and stay away No going back. Over come the lies and see through the act. Those emotions fade till the next comes if it's possible to love again.  The warm within trying not to burn out

It was his moment making the most of things trying to make it to the next level. The struggle within falling back into bad habits instead of compromising. He learned quick that things wouldn't go his way. Never got the out that played out in his head.
He rolled with the punches now older realizing that everything changed and happened for a reason. Before he'd fight for a lost cause. Now he searches for meaning and purpose. He worried for others while they continued to be self destructive.
Once he got stuck in his bad habits no one cared or looked out because he didn't want anyone to knock him for being different.

Writing helps taking a time out
Trying to stay focused be sharp
While this temper is being provoked
Avoiding the distraction
Trying not to affect others
Always arguing would rather be writing
Struggling with others egos and pride
Doing what's right not one to run
Sick of all the drama too many talk
Dealing with two faced people

They told him he couldn't but he's been doing it
She waved and went out of her way to say hi
There was a mutual vibe between the two
He was brown and a hard worker very phyiscal to get the job done
She was blonde with blue eyes, her nuturing behavior because of her job
He no longer wanted the life he lived but wanted to move forward with him
She smiled young and innocent where he was older knew better but chose not to do right
He learned from him mistakes and didn't want to fall back into bad habits
He grew up with tough love and she was loved and had it easier
Most do the opposite of what they say, actions speak louder than words

We all have a family member that has everything and it's never enough
Talks about everyone but does nothing to contribute
Gives an opinion when no one asked
If asked says nothing and does not contribute to the conversation
Usually bullies their way to the top acting like their way is right
Most learn to not say anything and walk away
Because you'll end up in a one sided argument
They'll talk over you and debate justifying their wrong as right
Once you make a mistake they try to expose you take you down
Trying to turn everyone against you
They'll try to isolate you but failed you prefer being alone
Never been materialistic I respect people not possessions

He tried to feel it and see it in his mind. Not let anyone bother or distract him from what he was doing. He'd joke so many got mad took it personal. They held a grudge so anything he said or did made them mad. He didn't like to lie and his truth telling got them caught up. Since they wanted him to lie cover up their flaws and mistakes, instead of owning up.
He was tired of being the middle man, the voice of reason. They would've done, what they wanted anyway.

Haven't been writing as much but reading more need to be more vivid with details that make the reader use their five sense and be able to see what I'm talking about. I'm currently appreciating  the humor in freaks and geeks has James Franco and Seth Rogan they are an awesome team I like their chemistry so fresh and organic. It cracks me up how social awkward people can be but sometimes it's just a natural thing for some. The more I read the voice in my head thinks of how it should be said and the tone. I'd like to do more comedy but I think silence will make it more intense than funny. It's easy to be honest and find humor in well thought out stuff. It can be complicated since people don't look for funny in the bad or tough times. I don't like to let bad ruin my good time or make the fun lose it's value. Times have changed what's new growing up is now a classic or oldie time has flown by. Learned to embrace age gray hair and chubs looking in the mirror seeing more wrinkles and dark circles around my eyes no matter how much sleep I get. What bugs you or gets on your nerves you let go of speak the truth makes me feel great because I don't need to be liked because most of the people I like don't like me behind my back but if I don't like them I do it to their face. Not into fake people anymore I don't need to I press or prove myself to anyone just myself and I could be my own nightmare to deal with

Body can't sleep anymore wide awake
Starting at the ceiling and the mind focused on 90s music
Thinking what's next what's on the agenda for the day.
Finished another notebook start a new chapter
Smiled because it was real not faking one
The rotating fan keeping the cool breeze cycling
Today is suppose to be warm don't care for the heat
Cold weather is better able to rest wear layers
Might get a haircut the while blends with the black looking gray.
Random thoughts come to mind dehydrated need water

He was tired of holding back as he watched the girl he was into walk by.
Doing everyone's work when he didn't even want to do his own work. Dealing with his family everyone set in their ways he was over compromising himself for others while they treated others bad and took advantage. He stopped comparing getting involved most of all caring.

It's easy to take on the world
Focused on the internal struggle
It's easy to deal with others help out
Take the bullet for a friend being brave
When it comes to that internal struggle
Dealing with emotions of betrayal
Facing deep feelings rough roads
Anger with another person
Avoiding confrontation the kamikaze
Surviving this rivals with bad rep
Staying good doing the work
The lead that indulges in laziness
Doing the right thing over comfort

He didn't want to be like his parents. All he wanted was to be himself and not go through hell just to be accepted. He wasn't in a rush but felt pressured by everyone. Be this do that things they wanted projected on him. He stayed away trying to improve behind the scenes.
He had love for them but they never treated him right or fair. He never has a say or control but did get all the backlash for things that had nothing to do with him. He tried to learn and understand but learned its not his problem and to stay out.
How do they know what's best when they never tried. It was such a handful of drama that made him keep a distances. He called them on it now the bad guy.

Times have change things will never be the same or go back to the way they use to be. Need to start fresh he use to date he was young wild and free. He grew up in a Latino community that was with standards and morals he was instilled even thought he didn't agree. So his first crush was a light half and colored girl. His family was not prejudiced but they were only with what was norm to them. The family never left the town or community. This child grew up explored the world been to more place than the rest of the family. He was torn between loving this girl and the tough love his family gave him all he wanted to do was make them proud and be happy. He did want family approval which was an uphill battle but when they didn't approve it was like he went against the family. He didn't get help so he had to do it all himself. It hurt him took its toll but it made him stronger and wiser. He just wanted to be loved and find love with the right person even though he had made mistakes being with the wrong girl. He tolerated stuff to be liked and accepted eventually that didn't matter he was over all the drama. He always pleased others no one was ever happy or dreadful. He eventually learned to do it for himself do what's right. He was over fake and phony people. He gave them his best while they dragged him down with their worse. So many times he feared making the wrong choice and got pushed into stuff he didn't agree on or want to be doing. Once he spoke up he was the bad guy for having moral and standing up for his beliefs. He called them on their wrong doing it lead to these people he thought highly of hating him and treating him like he didn't matter or was one of the worse people you could ever know.
He saw friends like family because with his family denying who you are and ******* up to be accepted was not the life he wanted. He formed brother good with friends that would slander him or fake to his face. He was over these two faced individuals. He was straight forward honest all his life He got criticized eventually he stopped listening and caring what others thought because if they didn't help him or make him better their opinion didn't matter.

Writing in the break room everyone decides to be social on this day. Trying to be social everyone is busy. The day could be so random surprising the out come. Liked his new location the people say hi and know his name. His other job feeling like an outsider looking in trying to relate.
Not always understood a worker someone giving his all. Even if they liked him or not. Plenty of years to work not waiting to retire.
Around bad leads leading by example working every cent nothing is given. Looking out for others being selfless learned to cope with the process what's going on taking situations. Do more than most not settling for less.

They try to take you down
Working fighting for your own
From a lead to behind the scenes
Took charge up from doing the work
While others steal the credit the glory
They can't save you save yourself
Walked away a lonely road of sobriety
Working like a boss not getting paid like one
Rebuild yourself better hard to trust anyone
Digging down always lost finding something

Trying to do right be better
Going against the wrong
Taking on crazy being slandered
Not letting it phase this heart
Wanting to be normal
Always looked at treated differently

Why and what's stopping you. You've done it before what's changed what are you scared of those are questions and ways to reflect during writing to help grow and improve.
Be thankful for what you got some have it all and are not happy. Knocking the people with less but its to help them feel secure since they aren't doing anything worth talking about.
Always thankful for kind people growing up with tough love is not always easy.

He spent the weekend watching prowrestling since he had no friends and not close with his siblings. He enjoyed the art form, the story telling, he got lost in entertainment. He wondered if he could make it in that world, he was in his late 30s trying to find his place in life.
He did train MMA but didn't have time because he had to earn a living. He did love to write it helped him sleep and come to terms at night. So many what ifs and if he could on his mind.  He trained but an injury kept him back a bad knee and tweaked back; did cause him limits as he got older, he learned to listen to his body. He wonder if he had it since he dug down deep to see if he had that potential.
He had been beaten in a street fight with a broken spirit and deflated ego. He had a hard time bouncing back building up his confidence and courage. He had been down so many people judged overlooked him. He was determined to prove them wrong.

Waiting for a forbidden love that's not meant to be
All the love ****** from the soul and give to another
She took the pure heart and prisoned it in a jar because she had no heart
The heart she had was broken and she unleashed her hate
Someone else broke her tender heart and she took her vengence out on anyone who tried to love her
Her collection would never end hurting and destroying men with her phone act
Men blinded by her charming beauty without knowing they surrender their heart and she would leave them numb and lifeless
Every victim got the same treatment but only one survivor would escape because he believed in love over her lustful ways
Not quick to give into temptation her evil would be unmasked the external beauty wasn't enough he saw her internal beauty what little heart he felt from her she would never be true or the one

Dad in and out of prison
Mom lives with her mom
Back and forth to grandma's
Brother doing time for a crime
Blame myself for doing nothing
Said too much no one talks
Trying to unite casing divide
Materialistic pretending to be realistic
Bored with life imposing views
Disagree the rage comes out
Can't win gathering back up
Opposing leads to destruction of a rival

He wanted to make them laugh and smile but they brought him down. He saw good in them but got the worse. He brought his best but it was never enough. He just wanted to belong but never fit in. He hated starting over because it would be from the bottom and only going so far.
He didn't like to flake was always reliable. Even when they tried to make things hard by complicating things. He minded his mouth and kept to himself his loneliness was easy to deal with than complicated people.

The wild one up all night drinking
Keep the crazy mind from thinking
Told the truth sober going insane
No one is listening spoke up
Under the influence blaming the liquor
From many friends to rolling solo
Years of being alone becoming unknown
Remembered for the past wild child
Living in the moment sober living
From over the edge to straight edge
Long days up all night writing
On the road joy riding cruising the street
Ink pad collecting deep thought emotions
Let ot go before it comes your happiness
Dealing with the stress leaves you restless
While avoiding it causes you to lose peace
Overthinking can run it all down
The vibes are mixed no middle ground

Found some success new goals
Missing family everyone head strong
Chasing a dream no one understands
Everyone has their plans to follow
Trying to share success that's knocked
Lots of imposition be happy for others
Their hatred ruining everything
Not allowing it anymore
Staying away to keep the peace
Ribbing one another as a joke
Everything becomes personal
Everyone talks but can't take it
Not respect expecting sympathy
Running things to the ground
Then have the nerve to complain

Trying to be normal made out to be a monster
Lost in the crowd found in his writing
Brothers act like strangers not talking
A sister holding a grudge never forgiven
Being right in an ugly world
Children being neglected
Uneducated opinions being spoken

Too many made up rules
Explain without triggering
Making others deal with the conversation
Not able to debate argue with hate
Providing personal feelings
Instead of facts personal bias
Enforce policy do what's right
Laws that changed more crimes
This world is wrong
So much contradiction
Destroying the past try to rewrite
Trying to change history
Everything canceled out
Nothing left even credibility

Sometimes writing makes sense and the stuff I feel fades or I'm left asking g myself why do I think this way. I should let it go like that I learn more about myself. Express myself in a healthy manner I usually collect thought. Unexpressed emotions I wish I said or could said because I don't want ppl to think I'm stupid or let's of me because I see things differently. I'm always listening to others problems and never attend to my own. It's different though because before I can be honest and no one would be mad at me. Now everyone easily upset or offended. I tell the truth even though it leads to others hating me because I didn't tell them what they wanted to hear.

Knew her as strong wondering where it all went wrong
She was stuck in drugs not the same anymore
Her personality hard to forget her addiction so much regret
Trying to help find a lost friend this made her cut you off as a friend
It was her choice to get clean she clumps you with the bad
All the fears and tears not much could be said or done
Only time will tell commitment detoxing is hell
In and out of my system, out of myself not feeling the same

Woke up early listening to music trying not to think too hard about life. Things are done not able to change the outcome. Still seeking the results another plan changing it up. Things don't come natural lots of practice behind the scenes. Played many roles open to learn and grow over time. Not always heard talking to another plain faces staring in the distance. Words get twisted apparently listing or paying attention to what's being said.

He was learning the mechanics of the clench hand placement on the elbow and collar. Even cupping the back of the neck so that he could have control while throwing knees.
Going through the drill dishing out working on form. While takin the punishment on a higher tempo while taking knee strikes.
Learning more and more adding to his arsenal. He enjoyed training MMA so much to work on kicks and punches take downs, also ground game that he worked on.

The plan failed from college to reality from books to working an average joe job. His mindset was not the same for normal people he would ask questions so he could know. While everyone was use to the chain of command. He observed never felt threatened or challenged.
School was another monster around things that growing up was bad is now good all of a sudden justified or socially accepted. He was mind blown.
That world was another side trying to make sense of it all

He grew up old school times have changed. When he was young they told him date your own race but he was his own person. He wasn't into the cholo life he grew his hair and educated himself. Times have changed back in the days you worked at it to be in a relationship. Now a days women give it away being promiscuous expecting respect or like it with be more than just a one night stand. He never said I love you unless he meant it and observed her actions how can a person say I love you but be all up on another person. Most people play the game but and up getting played. being the fool because all their shady acts catch up to them blow up in their face. Times have changed from child to adult what was cool is no more or what was a hit is now a classic. Things come and go in the blink of an eye another trend to replace the old one.

Ready to speak up they'll ignore you. Trying to silence you, by shutting you up. Not one of them no need to pretend. You know how to do their job dk why they act like it's hard. Not like they are the only one. Get over your drama bringing your negativity mess up everyone's day all that shadiness. Smiled under the mask feeling better rise above the bad vibes.

Bearing the heart and soul
Hoping to grow into much more
Baring the heart to be human
Denying emotions is the worse
Being different such a curse
Not meant to fit in striving forward
Found peace in silence solitude
Use to feel stuck slowly moving
Learned from all the betrayal
Working harder to get better
Fell out trying to bounce back
It was over long ago they left me
It was over once I couldn't be me
Busted open heart flowing
Everyday healing and growing

Lots of growth after cutting the cord. Not what they said we are not the same. You have your life respect it. Let me live mine. Don't tell me how to interact with my kiddos. Don't attack my personal life because your life is better. I'd think you'd be happy not plowing down others to feel secure. Not in control taking power only for your own self interest. Pushing people out alienating them manipulating others. Not empowering the corruption feeding the toxic behavior