He checked his ego at the door, cleaned his mind; before getting on the mats. He'd put on his GI stretch, before class thinking of how to escape the guard not fall into a submition. Countering moves escaping to survive the roll trying not to tap but make my opponent tap. Going hard pulling guard avoid being choked out and giving up points being smart it's a game of chess will vs skill one shall come out victorious.

His values didn't mix with these modern ideals. A friend has your back while today people use you. Worked till the end seen it through.
Today everyone wants a hand out or expect so much without giving anything back. He knew anything he wanted had to be earned not given.
He didn't care for social media people get bold online, but a coward in reality. People hid behind screens instead of face the person straight up.

He learned to change with the time because if he didn't he would be left in the past. He moved forward stopped being detoured by fake friends. Distracted by failed relationships, time had changed from young adult to being a responsible adult. When he was young he would lust because they never took him serious. He kept pursuing his goals they told him no and he couldn't do it. He kept doing his thing to prove them wrong and silenced them. He spoke the truth it got him nothing but hate he broke through all the lies. He wanted to be happy be normal even though he was different.
He got judged by people who had ridiculous standards they couldn't live up to. He never believed or gave into the eye. He was the one talked about not the one talking. He was tired of being the scapegoat when he did it they knocked him for it. He seen them struggle the front came crashing down but he was the better person and never judged them for their flaws.

At the play waiting for the right pitch
The pitcher chucks the first ball
The ump calls strike, I'm thinking. About swinging
Set up for pitch two the ball comes my way
Take a cut of the ball it a foul ball
Need to time it out make contact
Nothing fancy just get on the base
Sports always took the madness away
Wasn't always the first pick or a starter
Most hate the training but I loved every minute of it
Game days always made everything worth it
Always something to learn gain from
The experience made life seem less **** ***
Part of a team everyone made an effort
Being part of a team now a days means they want the job but don't want to work
Anything was better than being home
Always wanted to make everyone proud
No one cared or gave a ****, it wasn't about them

He couldn't speak because everyone would gang up against him. He told the truth and they threw his past on his face. Trying to twist it so he's the bad one, while they are doing way worse.
He stayed away didn't seek or need their approval. It bothered them, he was his own person. he didn't need to go through them to achieve his goals. He found a way an escape

No going back since I've grown
Moved onto new another chapter
Looking back its the same old thing
Grew up with nothing working for everything
Trying to get ahead over getting by
Always hustling not quick to settle
Talking about it letting go of the trauma
Story telling with visual details
Nothing into something more
Emotions explored able to explain
Feelings that strike the core
Physically reliving the moment
Mentally triggered imagination

Free from family able to be yourself
Do what you like makes you happy
Instead of ridiculous standards
No one is living up to all talk no action
Being with the wrong person relationships failed hard
Not trying to force things it was never natural
Empower yourself to inspire others
Keep working for the dream
Focus on goals challenge yourself
Wanted to move up got comfortable
Opportunity presented itself taking risks
Given a chance wanted it more than most
Use to care stopped worrying got distracted

Getting older the young athlete within
Struggling to stay relevant not healing
Working harder to come out even
Pushing through to make it to the end
Loving the sport but the body tender
Giving everything and taking way more
Moving slow not the same anymore
Being tough isn't enough taking a beating
Relying on technique to survive

Tried to bring you up
All you did was bring me down
We don't talk anymore
Your name will never come out of my mouth
Quick to change the subject
You don't like me but my name keeps coming out of yours
Slander my name I don't care to argue
I'd defend myself no point it's a waste of time
I'd never make you feel the way you made me feel
I don't care anymore whatever you win
It's not my problem anymore
Learned from the unfortunate events
Bern through and seen some ****
Nothing you do can hurt me any worse
Stepping it up going forward not going back

Body can't sleep anymore wide awake
Starting at the ceiling and the mind focused on 90s music
Thinking what's next what's on the agenda for the day.
Finished another notebook start a new chapter
Smiled because it was real not faking one
The rotating fan keeping the cool breeze cycling
Today is suppose to be warm don't care for the heat
Cold weather is better able to rest wear layers
Might get a haircut the while blends with the black looking gray.
Random thoughts come to mind dehydrated need water

I have a friend who expects me to open up but when you aren't reliable how could I put my trust in you. Not good at relationships had my share of failed attempts lovely ladies but not the right one I accept we aren't meant to be together no more living a lie for someone who is constantly trying to change you. I accepted her flaw and all I'm far from perfect no where close. I gave and gave it was never enough you made me feel like I did wrong when all I wanted to do was be right by your side. You gave me your worse which made it hard eventually I hated myself these bad feelings had to go so I let go learned to love myself again. Find people that truly care and love me for me. Starting over was always the hard part. I believed in you and us while you had other plans that did not include me so sad and cruel.
Starting over is hard so many bad habits that needed to be removed. Gave up my gym routine because it made you insecure. My social life was gone starting over redeeming lost friend. So much lost to make you happy my sacrifice was not worth anything to you. Getting it all back some can be salvaged while others became a lost cause.

Being sober became lonely he realized drinking was the way he bonded with his friends. Without it they had no way to relate or connect. He realized they'd bad mouth others he'd wonder if he did the same when they were with other people.
He use to like listening to others problems maybe he can learn and grow. But he got tired of providing advice or saying what he would do just to be ignored. He helped them by being a friend while they talked bad but he never shared or told their secrets.
He didn't like when they'd cheat or expect him to cover by saying they were with him. He didn't like to cover or lie when it was none of his business in the first place.

Another sleepless night up late
Reading so my eyes could get tired
But my mind began to wander so I started writing
The air from the fan circling the cold
Deep in thought fed up would complain
But no one is listening ***** not being heard
The quiet while the rest of the world slumbers
Alone in solitude thinking how to change
While the rest of the world remains the same
Over being judged and fighting for a spot
Being replaced by someone to fill the void but they don't have my heart or care like I do
Been broken and disappointed all I want to do is feel and heal
Hard to focus gave my all it wasn't enough tired of thinking I did something wrong.
Hard to breathe feels like I'm fading away when all I want is to exist and belong

Her evil demeanor from nice to awful
Happened in the blink of an eye
Ruining everyone's happiness
Spreading her misery
A bad person justifying everything
Kids forced to grow up due to neglect
Taking credit for their success
She'd rather be young around other men
Squatting for a place out for herself
Smothering older men for shelter
Wild instead responsible for the children
Talking confessions all lies
The trauma and deceit in her eyes
Trying to convince them to believe
Hoping he'd share a secret
So she could make him vulnerable
Prey on his insecurities
No longer feeding into the toxic behavior

We talked about our first kiss that never happened
Asked you out but the time wasn't right now you're with someone else
We grew up grew a part, always in a relationships
I've always been single my love is for one not everybody.
You had it all and never appreciated it
I'm free to roam scared to do it alone
You made it, I failed but you are miserable
I don't have it together still figuring it out
Thought we'd be friends grow old together
A close friend who appreciates you now you treat me like every ex
Wished you the best, you took pride since I had less
The mutual feelings were there but no one made or move acting on these urges
This love felt like everything worthy of my time
Now it's grown old faded away because making living kept us apart

Not fighting the change
Allowing the growth not going back
Going forward rising above
Friendships true ones stay
Family clashes not forcing it
Pride over blood has been a trend
Dreams on hold trying to keep up
No cared about feelings or emotions
Results or proof false standards ideals
Changing things to feel superior

It's easy to take on the world
Focused on the internal struggle
It's easy to deal with others help out
Take the bullet for a friend being brave
When it comes to that internal struggle
Dealing with emotions of betrayal
Facing deep feelings rough roads
Anger with another person
Avoiding confrontation the kamikaze
Surviving this rivals with bad rep
Staying good doing the work
The lead that indulges in laziness
Doing the right thing over comfort

The load dumped on his lap feeling crushed burnt out all these adjustments he doesn't win
Trying to balance working at two locations
One has been there since the beginning
The other gave him an opportunity but feels obligated
Trying to be fair and equal while feeling cheated and ripped off
Gives more to the other while one was there helped find himself and confidence
He felt drained like a failure

Not always the first pick
Not always liked right away
Tired of proving myself
Years of making a stand
Another road block and detour
Trying to bounce back
Refusing to stay down
Shame of being wrong
Striving to right set up to fail
False promise bad communication
Disconnected seeking more else where
Feeling alone isolated excluded
All the gossip of others causing hate
Ready to walk away from it all
Start over somewhere new
Begin a new staying loyal and true

Another night things feel right
Up late inspired to write not trying to fight
Another day feeling saved blessed everyday
Let my heart feel beating strong again
Inspired feeling the fire burn within
Over come sin refuse to let evil win
Bounce back all the haters trying to take me out
All that nonsense I can do without

I love my shows its been a while since I've been emotionally invested in anything. Just work and mind my own. I'm excited for star wars and the new eminem album. Im stuck between writing lyrics and my series so many ideas floating around i need to feel it and it just needs to come out where it feels okay. I'm not one who thinks highly of my writing but I enjoy it most of all really surprised when people like it. Killing time at work on my break ready for tomorrow then enjoy my weekend. Thinking of stuff I'd like to see or encounter applying them in my writing or alternate ends because of cliff hangers.

Everything you did got washed off
Added some character gave it flare
All of a sudden everyone is divided
Everything growing new ideas
Some want the same old thing not open to change
Character rose above the main
Reset everything saying it was a dream
Waking up saying it never happened
Using people for likes and subscribers
Once things look good cut off talent
Act like you're the genius master mind
Tried to cross promote only in it for yourself

Back to work he hated half assing it he was all in or nothing. Rested from vacation trying not to get mad or upset with anyone because of their bad decisions that fell on him. Getting ready for the day seize the moment. His new bed all the back pain was minimal everything would tighten up but bearable. Trying to squeeze in training and work was going to be a challenge.

Grew up went to the world seen and done things I've never done before
Things got hard it made me tougher too the lesson and learned from the mistake
Couldn't do it on my own end up back home
Where I started and starting over again proved my self gave my all but it wasn't good enough
Help those when they were down, going through my struggle no one around or to be found
Always know what I wanted to do and done it
Sometimes things come to a stand still and hard to transition
Never quit or back down but no where to move or go locked out not giving into doubt

Fighting till the end
Taking on everything
Not backing down from anyone
What goes around comes around
Stayed quiet, arguing with myself
If I said you'd make it personal
Trying to destroy for having an opinion
Erase me for everything
Use to being ignored by family
AA really messes with my mental health
They want you to explain and then use it against you
I'm over counseling. I'm trying to help myself
You want to be safe, but being vulnerable

The day his daughter was born he changed he knew it wasn't about him. he would put her and needs first. He loved her mother but it was not meant to be. The ex loved him only because they had a daughter together other than that she moved on. His daughter is the reason he grew up, he wanted to give her the life, he never had.
Life was more meaningful and had more purpose. He did it for her took more responsibly no longer about himself.
The little one changed the world he smile and curly hair. Her grandmother not ready to be one but was a better grandma than a mother but that's the son being bias. His siblings became uncle's and sister was now an aunt. It brought the family together since everyone was distant. Everyone grew up trying to survive live their own life. The family was uniting after all these years of holding a grudge, being divided over the past. The future was now times were changing.

Life is a blessing with growth
Change your mindset new perspective
Leave old ideas behind open to new
Emotional bankrupt bad investments
Feelings burglarized by imposters
True colors shined through
Causing friendships to fade away
Failed relationship to shattered dreams
Hit rock bottom a steady foundation
Buried by family slanderous talk
Hurts the most still love them
Still living life to the fullest
Made up rules in their favor
Once you spoke up or disagreed
They tried to make others hate you
Trying excommunicate your existence

Haven't been writing as much but reading more need to be more vivid with details that make the reader use their five sense and be able to see what I'm talking about. I'm currently appreciating  the humor in freaks and geeks has James Franco and Seth Rogan they are an awesome team I like their chemistry so fresh and organic. It cracks me up how social awkward people can be but sometimes it's just a natural thing for some. The more I read the voice in my head thinks of how it should be said and the tone. I'd like to do more comedy but I think silence will make it more intense than funny. It's easy to be honest and find humor in well thought out stuff. It can be complicated since people don't look for funny in the bad or tough times. I don't like to let bad ruin my good time or make the fun lose it's value. Times have changed what's new growing up is now a classic or oldie time has flown by. Learned to embrace age gray hair and chubs looking in the mirror seeing more wrinkles and dark circles around my eyes no matter how much sleep I get. What bugs you or gets on your nerves you let go of speak the truth makes me feel great because I don't need to be liked because most of the people I like don't like me behind my back but if I don't like them I do it to their face. Not into fake people anymore I don't need to I press or prove myself to anyone just myself and I could be my own nightmare to deal with

Everyone forms cliques and acts like they are loyal when they were bad mouthing everyone. The nerve no one cared when he struggled but now looking for him to help out. They bailed on him he got use to being alone now they want a favor or have expectations of him.
Half the time they push him out he fought to fit in he learned its time to walk away. Why stay he felt used up and tossed out like trash. He would go the extra mile for them and they wouldn't do the same.

What's on her mind; what are she thinking. Shes always mad or upset with him. He doesn't always get her, or the social cues, she puts out for him. He wanted this to work losing his grip on life. Things came and went before it made any sense.
He dram of us, she had other ideas and plans. Made it hard things got complicated.

Hung with my sister ate at a new place. Liked the food hit up the mall got tshirts I've been wanting.  Today was a good day away from my normal lazy day routine. I like o lock myself in my room and write also catch up on my shows sometimes look for new music by artist I like. Music is not the same now a days I can't relate. I like it up beat with a story or catchy hook. I'm a 90s kid so things now a days don't make sense but I'm getting older so things do change.

In the dark to set the mood
Silence is soothing find peace within
Too many cycling thoughts the mind goes clear
The pain fades the body begins to rest
Closed eyelids taking deep breaths
savoring the moment cleansing within
Time alone so one can grow
Stress melts away it begins to show
Behind the scenes enjoys being alone
Not just another face blending with the crowd
Spoke soft be the impact of truth so loud
Stares in a day's not buying into the hyped of phase
Thought different from the rest not part of the craze
Not one to ***** frustration tolerance levels runs out

He loved her but she was always with some else. He was there for through thick and thin. He was always single and she moving onto the next. One time she was single but he was taken. There was no chance of them being together because they always belong to someone else. Years passed she was now a mother, he was still pursuing his career.
She was his crush but most of the things she did was crush him. All he could is let her go and be happy for her but she was never his. She did miss him but never showed any emotions. From friends to awkward, she found him attractive when he was with someone else but he was loyal and faithful. He respected her relationship and child he would not go there, or allow his feelings to get the best of him making the wrong bad decisions. He would do anything but she seen him as a convince to get her way. He was submissive but had to be strong.

Sometimes I feel like me other times it's a struggle
Gave it all and have no more
Always tired and in pain but work through it all
Mentally burnt out doing what's right and needs to be done
Hard work goes unnoticed while **** ups are rewarded
Sometimes walking away doesn't lead to somewhere better but drifting and wandering
Hard to find peace and closure when things don't go right.
Struggling to find a place and belong always seen as different
My skin tone should not be a factor or be over looked because of my height
Staying positive when others insult and impose trying to make me be someone I'm not or lower myself to be accepted.
Always the bad guy when trying to make a stance for what's right. Not giving up part of myself to be forced into a box that strips me of all but dignity and pride
Sometimes I want to yell and scream but no one will hear me and will look like the crazy one.
How much sacrifice till I made it and feel satisfied with out feeling robbed or jipped in the end
Some days it feels right and coming together other days it feels like the world stand still and torn apart something's have nothing to do with me but easily affected by the outcome

The sneaky couple fake to your face
Talks about everyone behind their back
Giving an opinion no one asked
Talking down on others they've  done worse
Complaining about people living life
Doing the same thing all the criticism
So why is this an issue all the double standards
Insulting people expecting take it with a grain of salt
Call them on their actions
No wrong was done just imposition
Bad behavior quick to debate
Making the misconduct right
Justify the wrong doing still in the wrong

When your down they don't expect much from you. They don't think about you. Once you speak up and rise they start talking bad about you. You never said anything you asked a question had a difference of opinion. Moved onto new doing his best to be more and do more with his life. He was happy for them now they are angry with him. Anything he said was never good enough why be around why pretend they value and respect him. He never said anything about anyone. To hear they called him ignorant because he didn't know it would happen. He was working for it since nothing is given.
Called sensitive because he cared always investing his energy in others once he decided to chill. They called him intimidating all he wanted was to be left alone but still making an effort to be social.

Writing helps taking a time out
Trying to stay focused be sharp
While this temper is being provoked
Avoiding the distraction
Trying not to affect others
Always arguing would rather be writing
Struggling with others egos and pride
Doing what's right not one to run
Sick of all the drama too many talk
Dealing with two faced people

After a long day of hard labor
He would put on 80s music get lost in the moment
While writing in his journal he would reflect
Organize all the clutter within his mind
So much he wanted to do with his limited time
Learning to slow down always in a rush on the go
He listened to his body since it ached with tenderness the pain of an older body that had limits
After years of commitment, they did not hold up their end of the of the deal
Diving into head first without hesitation he began to feel taken forgranted
He was hardworking professional while opportunity passed
He applied but never given an interview
There was always work but wanted to be in one location instead of bouncing around to multiple places.