Why do toxic people blame others
They'll ruin someone's happiness
Then justify their wrong doing
Pretending to be a good person
While they are worse made at everyone
Never trying but expecting everything
Quick to point our everyone's flaws
Project their bad behavior on others
Trying to flip the script from terrorizer
Now playing victim more mind games

After all the wrong people faded away he could now focus so many distractions. He wanted to help those he loved he had their back but when he needed them they were no where to be found. He would help them but if he asked for a favor they act like he wronged them like he never did anything for them. He would babysit and they didn't pay him or the kid to school not asking for money or gas money. He struggled to find work but rather then help him they pointed their noses up and looked down on him made him feel worthless like he didn't matter. He eventually became employed and it kept him humble he knew what it was like to be broke and never looked down on anyone.
He's blessed and thankful for all these obstacles he overcame. He remembers his own family saying not to associate with him that's why he doesn't judge or treat anyone different but if you are rude or mistreat him. He stays away avoiding confrontation, he's not the fighting type even though some needed a beating plus to be taught manners.
He is thankful and Appreciate the people who are thankful and make him feel his good deeds don't go unnoticed his efforts not expecting anything in return but giving his all. He takes pride in his work and all he does. He does what's right and what needs to be done. Now a days others leave it for the next guy. Why not be the guy who gets it done and makes it happen. He lost his job he was sad missed it but it was for the better. He gave his all even if it wasn't good enough. He tried more than most. He found another job that pays better and they treat him like he matters. He feels more accomplished rather than being set up to fail.
It took time but his life did get better doing what he loves even though most don't understand or get his way that's because it's for him and not them.
Lost friends but did gain back self respect and did learn to use his voice to say what he wants and looking around for opportunities instead of seeing hurtles and detours roadblock. He knew hard work would get him there he started so much now it was time for him to finish them.

Writing takes me away it blocks out the world.
It helps put things into perspective
Been giving thought to fresh sound
Playing with bass always helps
Feel emotions vibrate through the strings
A sound that touches the soul cleansing the mind and body
Write all night till the mind is at peace
Ease the heart so the mind clear of stress
Share the thoughts from within
Not a sin to relate but a win never alone
Everyday is a new allow yourself to grow

He was tired of making time they used him and faked interest in his life. After getting what they wanted they didn't care for him anymore. He was tired of being scammed. He had their back they never had his in the end. He didn't lie being lied to feeling disgust. The taste of betrayal was sickening made him alter his trust for others. He welcomed all now he screens before opening up.

Wrestling thoughts going crazy
Adrenaline rush turns to burn out
Flirted with wild ideas felt the rush
Rubbed the wrong way facing fear
Things got sour over the years
Doing more instead of saying
Rewarded more accomplishment

She was negative and provoking, he knew she was sensitive so he never took anything personal but she made everything personal. All he could do was stay away mind his own attend to his own struggle. He was always accepting and never judge if he had concerns he'd say it to her face. He is a respectful person thinking highly of others but was upset easily annoyed when he found those people bad mouth him or have no respect having confidence in the wrong people. Trouble about how everyone acts but he's not responsible for them. He was asked to be part of a tradition that was new to him around people who would make him out to be the bad guy. As he got older he could not enjoy things because some made him feel on edge. He didn't like confrontation or dealing with controversy. They joked he joked back and they couldn't hang so they made everything personal. He wasn't playing their game but when he played he was in it to win. He knows people change or go through stuff but he wasn't going to let their negativity be a factor. He cut ties it's hard but if it wasn't making him better he didn't need it.

Haven't posted for a while. I'm in a better place clear mind and removed myself from toxic and negative people. Growing as a person, I get lost in my writing and enjoy myself most of all. I'm happier I've learned to let go and not go back. Move forward and do what's right. If you feel pressure and it's wrong say NO and walk away.
You cant please everyone, I don't say much but people talk be the one talked about not the one talking. I'm hated for telling the truth and being honest. I mind my mouth and business best way to go. Not listening to an opinion, I don't remember asking for. Have fun write, my passion and what I love. Keep at it never stop or settle.

my heart beats like a drum
raw emotions come from the music
the sound makes me move my feet
on the stage my soul lights up like a fire
fussion nothing like it everything else is confusing
the style doesnt define you but shares who you are
you move to the sound of your creation
starting a trend is your way and foundation
part of something great you sooner maybe late
keep playing the gig cant fight fate
leave it out when the words come out
stand all shout loud and be quick
your music in the mind the hook starts to sit

Another day rise to fight
Saying it will be alright
They judge you but dk you
Trying to survive stay alive
Took a beating but still standing
Never back down still around
Warrior at heart leads alone
Pack or no pack ready for an attack
Step forward not back

He had a dream about a co-worker it was weird to him. She came into him but he didn't feel or see it that way. Always supportive of others she would get engaged to someone. He was happy for her wishing her the best as she would leave to a new job. He didn't like change it was it was hard for him.
He was loyal to people most come and go like the seasons he was disconnected hard to adapt scared to rely and depend on anyone. He would have to work harder to it all himself. He hated how he waited and held back. He learned to not force things but let them happen naturally it was different.
Time changes everything from what he knew mostly being open to change and growth.

At a crossroad I'm one who give my all and always trying to prove myself too bad I'm always Denied and sent packing. I do respect my co-workers but they always overlook me or tell me one thing but do another it's frustrating. I make them look good while they are quick to throw me under make me out to be the bad guy. They have done worse and act like they could do no wrong.
Even when I don't want to do it always making effort to gain learn from the experience. I'm a fool to think others would have my back. It's been a tough time so much transition it was fun but it's not fun anymore. So many people oppose me I want to prove them wrong but it's not about them them it's about proving it to myself since it's what I want even though I can't have it right away. I've sacrificed and working towards my goals I've been doing them for years just want to get them on a greater scale.
Hard to trust when there is so much better and disappointment. I shouldn't blame myself but tired of being the scapegoat and being let down by those who get what the need and forget about me not an idea unless a favor is in mind.

Soothing to the ear
Blocks the world out
Pick your soul up
when you feel out of it
The beats that make you shake you hip
Move your lips sing your favorite lyrics
Beats that make you bob your head
Think of a good time
Songs that remind you of a good friend
Favorite band that relate
The connect so deep and real
know the song love the beats
So much going on your glad is making way in your hear the sounds you want to hear

Vision board

Transfer work days
Be a full-time get benefits
Save up get a motorcycle
Get back into jujitsu
Go back to school
Get college degree
Coach softball
Go on a date

Making things socially awkward was normal
He smiled and was nice witty but came out weird
It was part of his charm they didn't understand him but he was willing to accept others. They always wanted him to change be someone else. They tried to label him put him in a box. He was sober which helped him see the world more clear. Cleansed his would free from the toxic negative people that judged him. He did things his way pursued his passion too many made him feel guilty for being different. He tried to fit in but being like other people made no sense he was always his own person. He was short but was confident he could hang in the land of Giants. They seen him different because he took care of himself they couldn't accept him so they assumed the worse called him gay or he was educated showed others respect and had manners. Seen everyone as equal and treated them fair. While they held the bar over his head they couldn't live up to these ridiculous standards. He would achieve some success but he didn't see it as entitlement or hold it over others.
They tried to shake him tried to break him but he broke free from all the hatred all the weight of the world he no longer took their burdens in. He stopped listening walked away gave them no say because their opinion didn't matter he was the one putting forth the effort. He took pride in what he did and how he felt about himself. He would share with the world but the world kept him out. He made his own world where it felt right made sense grew and learned to be alone enjoy his own company and write.

So many trying to cancel one another out
Why can't everyone get along Co exist
Entitled to your beliefs stop imposing
So many rights and freedoms to enjoy
Respect others don't expect anything
Work hard give your everything
Pursuing a dream only you can see
Not plowing through others to win
Working behind the scenes trying to learn
Getting burnt out not feeling stimulated
Working the the hardest feeling the hate
Had nothing growing up low income
Hustling to get ahead getting by
Stuck in the transition ups and more downs
Working for everything earned every cent

Learning to love again been hurt
All these lies got old you're living one
Cheating trying to blame everyone
For your foul actions so much pride
Saying one thing doing the opposite
Actions louder than mumbled words
Doing bad trying to justify it right
Knocking the good twisting the truth
Had way more going on ruining it
Never enough treating it like less
Obsessed comparing live your life

He was exhausted from all the verbal abuse. His anxiety eating him from the inside out
Made his blood boil but knew it was a lie
All these false narratives he knew his worth
So many made him feel worthless
Use to speak his mind but no one listens
The feeling of invisible was normal
He couldn't express himself being dismissed
He didn't feel that way all this projection
His opinion made out to be nothing
Why argue and bother moving onto new

You can't change the past
Things haunt your mind
Writing to reflect those wicked ways
Not able to run fast enough twisted daze
Not one to complain or whine
Make the most of life thankful
Work with what's given
Making the most of everything
Saved himself from the insanity
Staying sober kept him sane

He use to get nervous when she would talk to him. He feared rejection and how she viewed him and seen him differently. He always dated the wrong women but with her things felt right. He never trusted his gut when it came to giving his heart to others. He was weird and different part of his charm. He cared for people even though they never treated him right or fair. He was always positive how he seen the world looked for good when most things were bad or went wrong. He would mind his business and did his own thing. He would worry for others but they didn't want to be helped or saved he prayed for them even though he wasn't a priority his friendship was an option even though it would be turned down because everyone got older focused on relationships or getting married plus having kids. He wanted that life but it was not the time. He wanted to make the most of life and enjoy his youth while time passed it would slip away.
He was not driven by money but did want to make a career and money off what he loved. People always inspired him or made him be more because he can't do it all by himself.

Why can't we talk be friends like the old days. We act like strangers like we don't know one another. Where did it go wrong hard to make sense of it all. Taking blame with no reason or closure seeking inner peace. The term oil within burning hot scorching within. Not wanting to replace people but quick to be replayed on their end. Saying sorry never forgiven trying to make things right. Felt like things got worse.
Walking away seen as the bad guy in their story meaning well things taken out of context. Running with all the lies instead of fighting to prove them wrong. People he seen as friends betrayed his trust. He respected them as they treated him as a joke. He lived life trying not to fall into a routine

Cutting off negative people use to being rejected. Talking no one is listening told the truth everyone thinks your salty. When you win they judge treat you like the enemy. Growing up poor, staying humble; don't need to be reminded.
Picking and choosing when they like you. Losing things thinking you'll never rise up. They deflate your head, knock you down; thinking those harsh words are doing you a favor. Don't care for that it doesn't help.

When he got sober no one seemed to care. While he got clean everyone drank and ignored him. Back when he was drinking he would ignore everyone because most seemed to have a problem with his drinking. He never pressured or told anyone anything others seemed to give him ****.
He moved on since he was tired of being excluded and held to some ridiculous standards that had nothing to do with him. Being quiet and observant so many people would cut corners or try to pull a fast one. His mind clear way sharp compared to before.

He woke up early started to write trying to be normal. Keeping up with his work load get back on track with his pad work. Waiting on the transplant made him anxious. He was tired of arguing and waiting around so he took up more to keep from over thinking.
Speaking up last year was humiliating being placed on the back burner. Treated like a liability was insulting. He's one of the best workers but felt discredited his health condition didn't slow down his effort.
He took charge because he was tired of waiting around. He was the one that got things done pursuing his goals and dreams working in private behind the scenes onto of everything he's already doing.

Lived my the rules gave up part of myself
Listened did what was asked feeling used
While others turn their back as I remain loyal
They ask me what's wrong so much bothers me but in the end it will work itself out
Everything I was told seem like a lie or no long valid
So many things changed for the better or worse just doesn't make sense anymore
Eating me alive the struggle inside can't hide it anymore
From friends to stranger someone I once knew
Different from how I remember you
From love to hate; our romance changed, how did we date
Trying to forgive but keep reliving the bad
I'd like to be friends come around sometimes it's best I distance myself stay away
Trying to stay together even though things around me are whatever
Because I'm different wearing the scarlet letters
But they don't bring me pain or shame
Being labeled doesn't hurt because I know my abilities and my worth
Years of hurt and crying out being ignored doesn't surprise me and become immune to isolation
Self destruction was my way of getting back at you but ruined myself more you could care less
Tried to help and save you but kept walking back into danger now we are complete strangers
I was the strength and mouth piece all you did was make me weak because I valued you turns out you're the one who's two faced
My love once grew for you now it's gone cold with time the betrayal fades old forgiveness has helped me grow
If you came back not sure what to say or how you'd act. Broken trust know better than to give you my back. The knife wound has healed but you broke my heart don't expect you to heal my spirit that still grows and will never go dull.

From having a safety net to free falling not use to change got use to the comfort zone. Change doesn't happen in your bed use to stand out hard to blend in behind the scenes. Seen miserable people told himself to never lose his smile. Humble had nothing working for everything told he was trying to hard. Easy to stand out the standards set low. Some get mad because doing the basics raises the bar. All about maintaining focused on the task at hand over the drama.

On the mats they don't take you serious. Making them work for the submission short means nothing. The sport is not about strength, but technique form. Being able to take the lessons put them together. Find a sequence or pattern to stay in the match. Its about a balanced offense and defense. Eccentric and concentric motions playing off the opponents movement.

Friends come and go but real ones accept you draw and all.
Friends don't talk about you behind your back.
They'll defend your name not run it through the mud
Cutting people off that are toxic keep your sanity
No longer dealing with insecure people
Tired of liars lying to my face
Being nice doesn't mean I'm a push over
I joke with people but I'm not going to let others make it personal
My silence is fed up I'm usually open and straight forward.
I don't hide who I am to make others happy
Why is it wrong to stand out no matter what I'm always seen as or treated different.
If I fail someone is mad, when I win someone is always hating never giving me props
I'd rather be me then pretend to be someone I'm not to be liked
To be accepted even if I proved myself it's never enough

He wrote because it was his way to vent get ideas out. It wasn't a sad story contest so the person could make it about themselves. He didn't care for people who said one thing but did the opposite. He was sorry bad things happened, but didn't like when people use it as a tool. Making others to feel sorry foe them, so they could get attention. His problem was putting others first and after they got their way they'd walk away acting like their bad behavior is justified.

He was a big dream he did lots of stuff now he's working a mind numbing 8 hour job that gave him weekends off. He didn't do much since he no longer cared to be social and the day he quit drinking so much changed. He was hurt that he saw the woman he loved be with another guy. It was the worse feeling. He wanted to feel the void so he drank. Eventually it wasn't fun and sobered up. He had a clear look on life focused seeing people different since he wanted to change. He didn't associate with most of the people around him since alcohol was no longer a factor.
He became selective since he had issues trusting since his so called best friend got with his crush. This was a hard pill to swallow as he got older he realized all the people, who wanted him to be some he was not. They couldn't live up to their own hype.
He was a huge fan of Deadpool he collected comics and liked to watch prowrestling. He was not shy about what he loved he refused to deny it and give up on what he loved. He would hang in his room with his two pet turtles. He would be more determined to be doing something doing much more break this routine. He did love his job greatful to be working never took things that mattered for granted.
He just wanted to do what he loved and be happy. He grew up poor and shared clothes with siblings he never wanted to live or go back to that life style. It made him more determined he didn't want to settle being the oldest he was an example and made an example of. each day he wakes up older wiser and definitely feeling time taking it's toll.
So many people in and out of his life some came caused chaos and left while others will always have a place in his life. He wasn't ready for marriage or kids because he had so much stuff he needed to do. He had goals and things he wanted to do that he never did before. He was willing to learn and adapt.
He liked to be challenged but everything felt like an uphill battle to be heard. He didn't like when others twisted his words. He did what he could because so many would deny or try to shut down his efforts. He use to be a rule breaker but with his job he was one who enforced them.

He didn't like the idea of being someone others made him out to be. The talk bothered him since no one was talking about the people that opened there mouth.
Focused on work but considering a career change since it wasn't fun he didn't enjoy himself anymore. Years of being on the back burner and burnt out. Till this day he still doesn't believe he's fulltime permanent.
Not looking back wishing he could of done things different asking why it didn't happen right away when he finally had it wondering was it worth it.

We have the same blood not the same
Seeing opportunities rising up
Blaming others and manipulation
Taking charge of others so much deceit
Forming an evil pack with a common rival
Judging everyone instead of talking it out
Holding a grudge acting like you're right clearly in the wrong
Staying strong an ego to feed
No one is saying your name
Talking about important manners

I have a friend who expects me to open up but when you aren't reliable how could I put my trust in you. Not good at relationships had my share of failed attempts lovely ladies but not the right one I accept we aren't meant to be together no more living a lie for someone who is constantly trying to change you. I accepted her flaw and all I'm far from perfect no where close. I gave and gave it was never enough you made me feel like I did wrong when all I wanted to do was be right by your side. You gave me your worse which made it hard eventually I hated myself these bad feelings had to go so I let go learned to love myself again. Find people that truly care and love me for me. Starting over was always the hard part. I believed in you and us while you had other plans that did not include me so sad and cruel.
Starting over is hard so many bad habits that needed to be removed. Gave up my gym routine because it made you insecure. My social life was gone starting over redeeming lost friend. So much lost to make you happy my sacrifice was not worth anything to you. Getting it all back some can be salvaged while others became a lost cause.

Doing laundry can't go wrong with clean underwear. He waited for it to happen still did the work it's the process. Took pride and lots of effort to get ot right even if one thing went wrong he felt like a failure. He made mistakes grasping the lesson from every set back.
Not able to joke everyone is too serious or makes it personal

He couldn't speak because everyone would gang up against him. He told the truth and they threw his past on his face. Trying to twist it so he's the bad one, while they are doing way worse.
He stayed away didn't seek or need their approval. It bothered them, he was his own person. he didn't need to go through them to achieve his goals. He found a way an escape

At the play waiting for the right pitch
The pitcher chucks the first ball
The ump calls strike, I'm thinking. About swinging
Set up for pitch two the ball comes my way
Take a cut of the ball it a foul ball
Need to time it out make contact
Nothing fancy just get on the base
Sports always took the madness away
Wasn't always the first pick or a starter
Most hate the training but I loved every minute of it
Game days always made everything worth it
Always something to learn gain from
The experience made life seem less **** ***
Part of a team everyone made an effort
Being part of a team now a days means they want the job but don't want to work
Anything was better than being home
Always wanted to make everyone proud
No one cared or gave a ****, it wasn't about them

His values didn't mix with these modern ideals. A friend has your back while today people use you. Worked till the end seen it through.
Today everyone wants a hand out or expect so much without giving anything back. He knew anything he wanted had to be earned not given.
He didn't care for social media people get bold online, but a coward in reality. People hid behind screens instead of face the person straight up.

Another night things feel right
Up late inspired to write not trying to fight
Another day feeling saved blessed everyday
Let my heart feel beating strong again
Inspired feeling the fire burn within
Over come sin refuse to let evil win
Bounce back all the haters trying to take me out
All that nonsense I can do without

The load dumped on his lap feeling crushed burnt out all these adjustments he doesn't win
Trying to balance working at two locations
One has been there since the beginning
The other gave him an opportunity but feels obligated
Trying to be fair and equal while feeling cheated and ripped off
Gives more to the other while one was there helped find himself and confidence
He felt drained like a failure

Couldn't sleep last night but woke up mid day
Up late writing with the dim light as he poured out his thoughts and ideas
Times were tough but kept trucking through them
He wanted to make the right amount of money so he could afford a home. He wanted to have 5 dogs that would he his own. His dream was real he also wanted to get a bigger tank for his turtles. A nice size of land so his animals could roam a place to call home. A nice lawn instead of a dirt patch. A drive way to park his bikes and his car. He needed to up grade felt limited and could only go so far.
Need his own place his own space. His dreams would be a reality would take work and he had to keep pursuing it so that he could make it happen. He was willing to work do extra. He hated being broke and not having money in his pocket. He dreamed and knew one day he would have it all.
Hoping one day to find true love start a life with the one someday. He wanted it all and needed to find balance he was older and got tired of feeling like things skipped him over and passed over but he stayed loyal to make the dream happen.

Being sober became lonely he realized drinking was the way he bonded with his friends. Without it they had no way to relate or connect. He realized they'd bad mouth others he'd wonder if he did the same when they were with other people.
He use to like listening to others problems maybe he can learn and grow. But he got tired of providing advice or saying what he would do just to be ignored. He helped them by being a friend while they talked bad but he never shared or told their secrets.
He didn't like when they'd cheat or expect him to cover by saying they were with him. He didn't like to cover or lie when it was none of his business in the first place.