Feel lost without a cause
Question my purpose
Need to know my reason
Wonder about my role
Been there done that
Want more out of life
Win lose the feelings aren't forever
Happiness in this life
Into something better
Ask for more not settling for less
Change for the best
Answer your calling
No more time for stalling

Alone at the party watching the crowd
Sober life looking in don't need to drink
To fit in the music is blaring an awesome loud band
Couples dance and having a good time
Sitting in the back admiring the surrounding
Much older clear eyes no more beer goggles
Times have changed never the same forever a memory in the heart
Live and enjoy the good survive the bad everything will play out sooner maybe later but eventually.

Alway thing about change my ways
Feel like things keep getting better everyday
New thought and ideas streaming fast
A whole new world unites with another so fast
Not trying to focus on the past
Leave the hurt behind find something new and real everything works out will be fine
You can't buy happiness you can only live it
Keep on trying don give up or quit on it.
New ppl with like minded friends same goal and similar agendas
Looking for more ppl who feel the same instead of keeping you down and out
Stay focus drown out the hate find the truth have some fate

Been writing screen plays learning production. The angles and setting a mood. The editing process is the stressful part.
Turn a vision into reality within a reasonable budget
Learning to do all aspects of the art

Ive always been seen as normal
But damaged just like everyone else
I keep in touch with friends
By things end on bad terms maybe worse
I get seen as a bad guy when their doing wrong
I'm not the scape goat I feel bad for ppl but they show no remorse
I get vibes but wrong about them.
I thought hood it ends bad
Not into this crap or playing
I did this but I'll be the one fixing it
Search for the right answers the solutions
Tired of letting wrong control the good or sneaking by spreading evil in my direction

You never showed how do you expect me to reach
You said you wanted to know me how when you want to meet other people
I pursued you with no safety net took that risk
I feel you lied to my face and not expecting anything
My mistake was thinking everything would change
Now it feels worse due to self doubt
That nonsense I can do with out
Thought for two could barely focus as one
I'm always alone but now I've grown
From no job to working never wanting to be home
Changed my views open to change
Chasing goals hoping to live the dream
Work is mind numbing but I need money
Writing helps me find center and balance
Put wacky **** into perspective
Love me for me don't try to change me
Or cause me pain make my world seem insane

The pain eats from the inside out
Growing into the person meant to be
Not taking crap or listening to bs
No more self torture deserve better
I'd rather be happy than happy for others
I've sacrifice opportunity for others to waste
Still doingit while your are in and out fade away
Stop your ignorance is annoying
Think before you speak
Able to look a person in the eyes and lie
I don't care or want to associate
False reps but you think it's the way
Not the best way to go
I let go I wish you the best
Ahead of yourself now get over yourself
Gave it up not like you could go back
Times change one minute your in next your out

Think this way think that way
Thinking my way already thought your way
Opened minded close minded
Turn others negativity blindsided
Do what feels right natural grace
Others hate on a smiling face
Think it's easy you'll find it hard
Going a out only gets you so far
Reconstruct deconstruct no one care think it's luck
Be struck down won't be around when you fall down
Write from the insane part of the mind
Mania creative side others hide
Already judged cut lose
Nothing else to possibly lose have fun with verbal abuse use it right use it to write

Making the most of the situation
Times are tough body sore
Mind us burned out stressing
The thought of not know
Growing old and showing
Reflect is someone new
Not who one was or use to be
Things change with time
Once love than hated
Liked again nit worthy if hurt and pain
Over the bad memories that remain
Been a while but it feels alright
Stay away the thought of going back nit an option
Find another way else where

That moment you start over after another failed relationship
You love the person and do your best to do right by their side
Turns out you mean nothing to them you are on of many she is string along
You respect yourself and stay away but you think of them more
Alone on the holiday when you want to be together
Thoughts of one day having your own Christmas traditions
Hoping to one day find love something meaningful
Money cant buy happiness every year nothing gain a greater meaning

Sleep and rest is the best feeling
Thinking what to write next
Do I have it in me to write something great
Ideas come to mind all late
Over writing about heart break
Ive written about my passions what I love
I write about change how I can make a difference
The change I want for myself
Where I want to be and how to get there
Plans to make my future happen
How ive grown apart feelings of isolation

A friendly wave goes ignored
Flip the bird grab attention
Shake hands to be friendly
Flip them off even closer pals
Pat on the back for sympathy
Hugs that are meaningless
Friends might understand emotions
Family doesn't care to understand others feelings
But their own others dont matter
Treat you rude
Respond with the bird
Flip them off all of a sudden they havesomething to say

Always been short not afraid of big or tall
Things bigger than other match up just right
bigger than ones self able to handle the pressure
Work hard fir the moment
The wait well worth the effort
Tiny stature largest heart in the bunch
Take on the world stand alone
Courage had caused a person to grow
Taking the blame immune to the pain
Speak large knock down the walls
Never be locked in or down
Some stand your side
Others stand in the way
blocking trying to take you down
Bigger than imagined

That feeling when your heart beats in your throat
Making it hard to breath gasping for air
Random thoughts from everywhere
Can't think of what to say everrythings confusing
Feels like I'm losing it been good not abusing it
Fear being an option I should be next
Make you look good and treated bad
I don't get mad betrayal makes me sad
Disappoint is common but moving on keeps me from being buried alive
Its like fighting to survive near death and revived
Feels like I'm taking on the world made into the bad guy
My intensions were good sometimes I can't and would do so if I could
Don't make me feel like I'm no good been my best and more
If things went accordingly you wouldn't see me anymore

When you apologize and never forgiven
You treasure those old friendships even though they'll never be right again
A mistaken that could be forgotten
Wrongs that will never be right
Make things normal again always a fight
Always in the heart this friendship fell apart
Depart grow apart awhole new start
A friend till the end never forgotten no need to pretend

id say **** the world but that my world
i sometimes destroy myself because others take
frustration is strong make me feel all i do is wrong
you know right from wrong
why must i be the one correcting you
thats your world colliding with mine
your hurt and damaged telling me everything is fine
over trusting towards you too bad your not true
the world is bright you try to drown out my light
happines is all i want im sorry you dont want the same
i dont talk bad because im not always right or know the answers
you talk bad and down about others
play innocent like you say no wrong
i keep you out of my world
why im not around or anywhere to be fo found
we are not the same dont mix us up
i sometimes wish you would shut up
my world is proud my world is mine
ill be find dont bring me up into the mess world
you chose to live among youll never be praise
while my song is being sung
the world i live i will never give in
comsued by my interest while you try to consume my world

Idk it all
I work with experience
Reflect and grow
show what I know
I prefer to enourage
Inspire with a story
Learn from my mistakes
Life lessons lived lesson
Dk know what happened
In the moment could've
handled it a better way
Better me than you
Pressure doesn't phase

Protect the heart hard to let anyone in
You keep them out even though you'd like to let them in
The heart craves them but always starving for love
Search for flaws so if they is reject
you the blow is padded you feel they could be the one
But they usually have someone else in mind
Hard to give love to someone who is blinded by another
Everyday you wonder and would like to ask
but take it slow why rush get to know one another
Don't be with someone you might regret
Communicate find common grown
Both should have mutual frelings
Someone who allows you to be yourself
Appreciates you without trying to change you
Save the heart save yourself for who accepts your ways
Willing to start and make the day with you

Hard to sleep not sure, whats next
Thoughts flowing mind is racing
Don't know what's next started pacing
Figure it out dig down deep no more going with out
Come and go like the season not interested in the reason
Broken hearts you didn't break
When love turns to hate
Hot and cold emotion good or bad its something
Accepted to reject part of yourself
Denied once things didn't go your way
On the way no need to stay set in those devious way
False love to no love meant to be more like never gonna happen
Everything you loved becomes what you hate
Now its over too late no more second thought or debate
Go forward not back over the act
Be on the way never coming back

I think I could write
Others might not like
Leads to controversy not gonna fight
My confidence drop
Trying to undo all the bad from your cruel attitude
I never thought this confrontation
Would lead to a staredown
Not expected or thought you'd go there
From a friend to no care or respect
Words flying emotions oozing
Trying to win and still losing
Never thought we grow to despite
One another closer that any lover or brother
Friend to for never know till you get there

I believe everyone has a story
My life is a blues song in the making
Broken love lost over time
Home of evil not accepting defeat
Loves people but not respect
Full of emotions no one to express with
Want so much learned to go without
Give it all in a letter that was returned
Call out to friend all married or having kids
Wanting more out of life by living
Can't find love or happiness all is taken away
Walked away theres a price to pay
Words tell the story emotions paint the picture
Heart full of passion never give up on the story
The vision of who one is meant to be
The story book ending but it's only just begining

http://nerdrush.podomatic.com/entry/2015-09-01T215445-07_00

Sometime you love someone
but can't be anything more
A strong bond between friends
value your friendship
relationships complicate things
There's a mutual love even better
respect for each other strong together
Trust and believe in one another
The vibes are strong feelings unit

When you see a chapter in someone else's life begin
Not the family type but see peeps start their own family is mind blowing
Not the relationship type but seeing others settle down must be a nice change
Looking always seem too good but its a different story when you're in the middle of everything
Dating is a wild process just haven't found the right girl
It ***** being a fling or a side project lots of growth
Over the years from wild to being responsible
Lots of change its bound to happen
Live to the fullest and life is what you make it.

Corona my hometown it's where I grew up
Still rocking chucks never too old
Listening to metal and the new stuff that grabs my ear
Wear my hats favorite teams doing my favorite thing
Girls want to deny me but that's fine with me
Hang with my friend tell joke poke fun of one another till the end of the day
Use to drink in a pack no one know how to act dumb drunk new lows sunk
Party together didn't matter it was about us nothing less now its over
I think one more night everyone older and aged everything has changed
New times bad time lets do for old time sakes

I judge no man because I've been judged
Accept others flaws because I'm not perfect
Silence is a way for the world to speak
All you do is observe and listen
Respect your environment it will treat you right
The pain you cause others will be experienced
With age comes wisdom and knowledge
Think before you speak think of the consequence
No person is the exception or given ranks its earned
It's better to work your way to the top
Life is not a debate talk for the right reasons
Ask don't manipulate have consideration
Others have feelings dream to achieve greatness as well

Can't sleep decide to write
Helps me get through the night
I get pushed around but standing tall
I may not have it all
But willing to be my best give it my all
Not easy to love but has so much to give
Its a struggle not always easy to live
Ppl come and go like the seasons
More go then stay so I don't get too attached
Id open up but can't always live up to the demand
Be humble not angry with ****** hands

I quit drinking for a friend the day I relapsed I let him down mostly myself. I fell in love with a girl who didnt love me but was lusting with others. I did everything right I accepted her flaw and all. She had kids how could she do this to her kids. Its not my business she chose to lust and not associate with me.
I dont agree but respect her choices we arent meant to be. She pursued me and would pull the plug because I had feelings. My mistake was loving someone who didnt love herself. I never lied and she had me on the sidelines while she played favorites.
Im over that role healing the broken and they leave me feeling unworthy. Im always the other guy id like a healthy relationship but things go wrong. I got back in the vicious circle called dating its wild nothing is what it appears to be

I can't pretend ill treat those who treat me bad the way they treat me. I can't be fake or deny the truth more hate my way nothing new. I stay away from you and your ignores I hope your done wasting my time being a ****.
I'm use to cheap shots but your not use to a response so watch out I don't care to be around my family. They aren't the greatest ppl but they act like achieved greatness. I don't want to fight but don't belittle my efforts and what I love times have changed. Your older act your age instead of being an idiot
Your kid is rude and disrespectful but that's on you I'm not tolerating that if your kid don't like my opinion tell me but I'll tell you because you don't know me. You could go off the talk but that's not me or the truth. You **** me off you see a new side you won't be able to handle.

Woke up didn't feel right went back to bed
Not real into all the false things you said
Went to college did what I can
Nervous breakdown move back home
Train and bus hours of defeat
On the back of my mind go back finish
Get my finances set straight go back fly straight
Buy my books be prepared I hate to fail
Do it right or what's the point lots of reading
Get ahead no cramming for the test
Ace the mid term use all I've learned applied to the world
It's hard keep it simple sometimes others don't understand
Hated for being smart I'd rather do that then settle for being dumb
Priorities diluted doesn't make sense
I'm one who hopes for more others settle for what they could get

I feel embarrassed for you and sick to my stomach the thought of you not worth my time. I don't waste my time talking if your going to ignore my thought or opinion. I walked away found my own path as you ride my coat tail trying to take credit  for my achievements and efforts. I never let them go to my head because ice done it and lived it not letting anyone or anything redefine me but my **** self. I'm not the one I've accepted that you can't tell me who and where I need to be.
I've dram big and lived it need to be more not settle for less like the rest of the lifeless leeches **** me dry because they can't make it on their own.

Everyday I find my way
Im glad you stay away
In the gym I restore my body
Write to clear my perspective
how I see the world
I cant be everyones friend
Not going to save the decomposing society
The best thing for me to do is mind my own
Do my thing better myself

Hate this but staying positive
Trying to do good deeds
always twisting my agenda
Gave my all even if it's not enough
All those betray you keep you tough
Bounce back never staying down
Find a way out don't need disrespect or doubt
On the road keeps my heart from going cold
Stay positive not growing old at heart
Even when the world around you starts to fall apart
Things end but new beginnings ahead

like a pad lock your heart is trapped by misery
once the lock is cut you find joy in the light
your approval matters more than the hating masses
taking yoursef to the next level experience new
the old doesnt work try new experience something different
everyone hurts and has problems
some handle the situation better than others
one day everyone will be able to say they have done it
or experienced the goals they have set
life is not boring but has its delays
trying might hurt but failure is nothing onces you have been there more than once
not trying is painful because yu never left wondering
they lock you out or you feel locked in take the time to figure out an escape route
in or out find the way that suits you best keep fighting for whats yours
lead the protest never settle never give up keep working
one day you wont have to worry about locks becasue open and free leads to oppurtunity

Escape the looping thought process
No more obsession true confessions
That mean nothing now
Should've been said when the moment counted
It's not too late every side heard but the one who got burned
Hard exterior soft interior
Don't want to hurt
Learn the lesson
Move on to something beneficial
Thinking about yesterday should focus on today
Live in the moment don't go too far ahead
Words that should've been said
Instead of wish they were uttered

strike you down but standing your ground
Talk and play the victim once confronted
Avoid the drama but still continue to keep provoking
Name calling but silent not lowering to that level
Took a cheap shots moment looping in the mind
Should've done something outcome amount to nothing
Judged for being different did what was right
Pain that fades with time, stay strong for another day
Thankful for waking up sometimes feeling shaken up
Lost but will eventually be found start an new
Missing the old left too early but meant for something better
Not knowing what's next or what's to come a fear losing control
Being able to start again find the new no more obsessing over the old.

I dislike when others give me **** and not doing better
It ***** I have to lover myself id rather be hated then settle for less
You make all these rules it makes me not want to be around
Ive been noble while you act like someone else
You are not who you say your actions tell otherwise
I'm waiting this out eventually walking out not title
No oblgation just fantasties and fixation
I evaluated my life I've come so for you set me back
I'm emotional and sensitive not that you give a ****
All I wanted was to be with you be a man you prefer otherwise

Found my voice writing
Captured the moment behind the camera
Learning to create from my mind
See more turn nothing into something
Learn to express emotions through actions
Production and growing within the company
Giving my all learning the tricks of the trade

Rain comes my way
It can't keep the sun away
The weather sets the mood
Skies of blue only if you knew
Seasons change life is not a phase
That how we feel learn to deal with
Change might or day doesn't happen right away
With time it fades away like the tides wash them

It feels good to redeem myself
Lots of ppl are proud showing me respect
I've always proved myself worthy
Show I belong others thought I was weak I proved them wrong
Moving up and got a raise ready to bust my *** on a whole new level
From the worse to being one of the top workers
From the bottom to the top is where I see myself being

I may not be great in your eyes but I know there's ppl  who appreciate me
I'm understood if given a chance to share myself
Not trying to prove myself I wish there were more respectful and understanding ppl in my life
I joke to be much not willing to go against family
But I'm not their whipping boy
The standards I care to live up to are my own
I lived on my own since I was 16 and others think I owe them
I'm one who enjoys the company of others but if they are flawed why are they judging others
You want to say I'm a bad person but I'm stuck dealing with you
I don't see you going to great extenses to help other
You may have wealth but your useless only about yourself

Wait around not used to my potential
Done things on all levels
Do not belittle or dismiss how I feel
You vent all the time
No solution how to deal with mine
I seek answers don't settle for compromise
Sometimes theres no explain
Things happened the way they do not being fooled
Live the truth over a lie

I'm so glad to be able to express myself
No more feeling numb ignoring how I feel
Everything feels true and real
Not worried about others have to help myself
So I could be more useful over feeling useless
No more being over looked but one of the 1st picked
Be when I need to be feel right and be alright with my role in the world
I've done lousy jobs but want to be able to things that have meaning that my heart wants
I give all my heart passion fire burning desires
The path so close but seems so far back on track keep going even if it doesn't feel right

This year was good but shouldve been better countless hours of doubt and regret
Keep focusing on being better trying to forget
Watching myself be consumed by new bd habit doing things I thought id never do but changing it up is part of it.
Watching my fave movies doing what I love is hard distracted by troublesome thoughts
Id like to go back make them right but life is about going forward
Hard to be strong when weakness gives you false confidence
Growing everyday not looking for a reason to stay
You found an escape route thinking you left me down and out
Time for a change move on turn the page

Told not to cry
Everyone tells lies
Told to be real by fakes
Don't know what to believe
All the hate and greed
Happy thoughts to escape
Never attended piled up pain
Looping thoughts stuck in the cycle
Seek of change everything the same
Open or close not satisfied
Ready to fight nothing to hide
Expression becomes a mission
Needed to said or mention
Not looking got attention
Nurtured talent neglected soul
More complicated than easy

Space between friends is okay
One day is fine you think give them time
A week passes you wonder if everything is alright
Almost a month no work you begin to think if you did something wrong
Make a call no answer the person usually answers right away
You wait for the call back still no word
You send a text still no response back
Still no word you'd help if you knew or do what you can
The time flys by you friends doing his own thing
Friends don't always grow together but grow apart
Forming their own circles new crowd with similar interests
The day you stop talking you have to move on
Everyday hoping to hang or unit
The day you do things aren't the same
Or don't feel right the days of childhood
Are a memory even though you'd rather live than forget

Dont rush no pressure
Trying to be yourself
Sounds like there is someone else
Don't what to make of the situation
All has failed building a foundation
Put on the spot nothing is what was thought to be
Things end mostly because no one will argee
Talk of love fear of commitment
Start over left overs make it complicated
Other plans idea mind of it's own
No hands holding on lose control
Stop wasting time not yours or mine
Walk way stay away things are messed up

ive heard no but that doesnt settle well
once you have done it why go back
excel over evening up even
no is motivation for yes
yes is the key to success
believe in yourself and you can do anything
those who oppose you never let them win
walk up like you own the beyotch take control
never let others influence your good deeds and efforts
lead the pack set the bar make the rules
i refuse to let you think otherwise
you dk me or have the right to judge me
ive done more than you could image
im stimulated while your burnt out
my good mood will not be over powered
by your bad mood
i live to be great i live to be great i cant settle for less
you call me crazy but i know the truth
i say what i want dont tell me less or otherwise
will power and strength will take one farther than they could imagine
the refuse you because you are close you refuse them becasuse they failed
refuse to lose and you will win