after I woke up from the transplant
I was in ICU the beginning of recovery
The catheter tube would come out
Each day would consist of a task
a cut across my gut I'd pray everyday
My abdominal muscle lacking core strength
A huge cut stapled shut metal stitches
Extremely anxious to get out of bed
Having to page the nurse for assistance
Getting out of bed was difficult
I felt like a turtle on its back
I learned techniques during physical therapy
I had to urinate one of the first tasks
A process that took a few hours
After being assigned was a flow
I'd get up and walk after every meal
trying to keep strong physically
mentally missing work and home
Mostly grandma, her words echoed
"mijo, no one is going to do it for you, you need to do it yourself."
Next, I'd be asked to pass gas ripping a few.
A bowel movement, which was my final task so I could be released to be out patient staying a local to AZ

He felt like he was the worse
Blamed himself stood alone
Knocked for being different
Stood alone held on for life
Trying to be normal-ish
Whatever that is now a days
Afraid to be canceled aged out years ago
Everything he's not what others said
Made him more confident
Gain strength from being excluded
Comfy being alone going strong
While others needed company

He was hard working
Because he spoke English and born in the  US he got treated different by his people from the motherland. He didn't like living up to stereotypes but did prove them wrong.
Taking on crap that had nothing to do with him. Stuck in an argument that had nothing to do with him. He learned to walk away; before he would argue, never back down.

The love ended before things got interesting
Two hearts one with love the filled with lust
Too many outsiders interfering with the couple
One was ready to commit open to changes
Free love comes with a price value lost overtime
A kiss that means something loses passion
Hugs with emotions lost feeling numb within

Wide awake anxious to go
Recovery is causing delay
Emotionally charged feeling everything
On the sidelines missing out
All the hard work is being undone
Not sure how to feel seen as brave
Trying to survive make it happen
By doing the work get out there
The safe place feels like a lock down
Screams for help echos in the mind
Words won't come out of the mouth
Fight to be strong a regular struggle
Refusing to show weakness
Forgiving hoping things changed
Seems like it's worse easier to stay away

College is not who you are
Sometimes you unlearn and relearn
Encounter people from around the world
A small town boy becoming a man
He changed his location to be better
But home had his heart part of him
Taking those values into another world
The experience helped him grow
He was open minded to new cultures
His heart set on becoming somebody
But pushed everyone and thing away
He felt like a nobody trying be someone
Others made him out to be crazy
He fought to be himself taking criticism
Sometimes he wanted to disappear
Fade away take a time out from it all
Now he's down missing that world
Not sure where he belongs or fits in
Starting over was a hard step to take
But needed to be done no looking back
The past is a comfort food that is not nutritious
Never satisfied just addicted to the crunchy junk food

I pray for them because I see the problem
They won't admit it or see it as wrong
I'm not going to get involved or say
Dealing with head strong people is hard
Most never listen and ready to argue I'm praying for those that hurt
Those who cause heart ache get stopped
The girl that's pregnant gets kicked out by her bf but still goes back. I pray for her and the child.
The older man who stays with a woman who treats him like an idiot. Because he fears to be alone. I pray for them as well. I'm not mad but pray the situation gets better. I pray some come to their senses. The internal struggle passes replaced peace and closure.

Time passes when life consumes you
Checking on friends some get married
The ones that claimed to be players
Or said they'd never be tied down
With kids showing emotions
In a relationship showing happiness
Use to them being bitter and angry
Some thin as can be now on the heavy side
The alcoholic sober but respect
Some will grow up being know for immaturity
I think about having a reunion with the crew but the real ones never left my side we don't always talk but we are more than friends family is forever

He loved his family bur they are the worse. He didn't bother anyone with his problems. A single guy who kept to himself minded his mouth most of all his business.
His family didn't get along but around relative made it worse. He loved his cousins never told them anything but they are quick to give him a piece of their mind. He didn't remember asking.
He could go out and come home late He was single and didn't have kids. While the ones with kids acted single. Cheating on their baby mama or playing the victim because the baby mama returned the favor.
Having multiple kids and not being responsible for them. That was none of his business but if he buys himself whatever he wants because he worked for it. Trying to guilt trip him. He paid rent while the others didn't but had the nerve to talk bad look down on him.
It's time to move out living with people that are given while he's still working for his.
He made mistakes and learned trying to improve the situation not see it as a punishment. Asking for help was hard but found the people he needed are unreliable. He had to find and make a way. He went against odds Before.
It was no surprise but what's worse is when your family is the road block. In your face making you feel unworthy.
You don't care to fit in or prove yourself because they don't help or do anything to contribute.
They never showed any remorse or sympathy when you were down and out they expected you to get up and move on. Now they are going through stuff you feel bad and want to help. They didn't want you around. When things are bad they are there with you. When things are great for them, they are nowhere to be found.

Too old to be doing that
Too young for all that
No one is happy for you
While pointing flaws
Prefer to be alone
Helping others to grow

Silent to keep the peace
Causes internal struggle
The war within never ending
Moral code as a shield
Too many people easily influence
Standing alone being a man
Walking solo not into crowd
Too old for hype aged out
Popularity leads to a lonely life
Once it's over still alone
Left with thoughts what if
Different outcomes failed risks
Not able to change the ends

Digging down deep to find closure
A text from an old friend
A smile in the past in the future
Calls from yesterday for better days
Dreams of a past lover never forgotten
Taking risks due to bad communication
Watching movies to pass time
Writing to compose the boredom
Sleeping to recharge heal the body
Music to rest continue to heal

Recovery is boring
Mind numbing mind pacing
Thoughts vicious cycle looping
Not able to drive asking for a ride
Trying to trust others
Can't rely on anyone
Depending on others is hard
Hate waiting on others
Not trying to argue
Keep the peace internal struggle
Trying to unite family
Everyone divided for too long

Some people change for the better
While others are stuck with trauma
Room to grow time to improve
Not easy to get over things right away
Working harder told you don't belong
Looked down on like it couldn't be done
Treated different all the doubt used
As motivation to get strong
Improving to be better at work
Proving them wrong changing it up
Most of all to yourself taking credit
Stop with the discredit always working it
Because they refused to give you props
All the roadblocks fade onto new challenges
The journey is full of detours
Make the most of it and learn

Hurting the people you love is the worse feeling
Mistakes made due to frustration
Overreacting to pent up emotions
Enraged feelings that should've been tamed
Tired sleep deprived focused on doing right
While everything is going wrong
Feels like the world is crumbling
Trying to help feeling trapped
Scared to move the struggle within
Might be the problem the turmoil burning

Never thought she'd call but it was a change
The homie was mad but got a text didn't expect that
The change that goes on over the years
Prayed those grudges would fade
Be friends instead of strangers
Some talks are hard to have
While others need to be done to make it right
Sorry doesn't take away the hurt
Living with the pain isn't right
Try to make the wrong right
It hurts to lose a close friend
People go through stuff d
Doesn't make it right
Always changing can't live with the torment
Drop the burden like the apology that was given
To know they are okay and to hear from them gives peace
Find closure for the new year
A clean slate to start a new story
Most of all just finish what was started

Love of family is strong
But relationships break them
Hard with family members
Soft with their partner
History doesn't help the present
Destroying themselves for love
One to change remaining the same
Hard to leave this insanity
Lust and love a diluted mixture
Start over again trapped going back
Embrace the new give up bad habits
Focus on what could be take a step
Let go of the what was move forward
Grow in the moment positive changes
Failed outcomes lead to opportunities

Ready for the new year
A new liver, ready to go
Recovering from the transplant
Going crazy with the downtime
Use to doing something that matters
Working to get ahead cash flow
Hard to spend ready to hustle
Trying to get all the things denied
On the sidelines observing everything
Need to get back into it rise up
The hardest part is starting
Told never get comfortable
Keep busy doing something
Finish things that got started
Stopped being distracted by drama
Avoiding negative people
Fueled by toxic behavior
Focused on the goals set the bar
Growing spiritually and mentally

I'm gonna chill even though I'm bored  out of my mind
Trying to think about it when it's easier when things are in motion
Ocwrthinking and having nothing. A clear mind
Back on his own forgot about the freedom use to the routine.
Change is good but hard to focus when the bad becomes normal
The mind racing not use to down time
Feeling like all the hard work is being undone long gone forgotten.

He needed help and got tired of waiting on people
His time wasn't valued or respected
Dealing with attitudes his "help" not morning people
He loved them feeling betrayed
Angry because they are not reliable
Telling him not to stress making it hard
Thankful and blessed not settling for less

Forgive Them and go on
All they do is talk loud
Creating problems for others
More excuses than solutions
Broken promises shatter trust
One lie is too many to tolerate
Better to turn away from evil
Trying to help begins to drain
Abused kindness is never enough
A favor never asked violated personal space
Another guilt trips spread hard
Always working for this dream
Every cent earned through hard work
Some given it all except work etiquette
Told to be a man provide for family
Pull your own weight rise above hate

Alone for the holidays to keep from getting sick
Family had conflict but feeling unites
Tired of everyone being divided
Tears shed and apologies made
Family is more important than a grudge
An open heart is stronger than a closed mind
Life is to short to be alone
Everyone is hurting wants closure
Find inner peace be able to relax
Too proud to ask for help
Hard up to ask not showing emotions
Don't want to be seen as weak
How long will this feed be drawn out
One keeps talking while the other lives life
Chasing a dream that makes sense within
No one understands or seems to get it
A hug is better than resentment toward a being
Being able to talk without getting attacked
Share without your feelings being used against you

Trying to get it right keep at it
Tired from getting it wrong
Everyone divided due to pride
Egos casting shadows of negativity
Thoughts of doing right not doing so
Acts of deceitful behavior

Growing older observing and listening
Seeing these kiddos become adults
Pray they are not like the parents

Living life trying to make things right
Unite the family there's so much division
Pray everyone would get along
I don't care about money
People over material possessions
Wealth helps but doesn't make people happy
Health has more value gives life meaning

Family is tough but that love is real. Cousins get mad and worry for you. Told not to cry, don't be a *****. As we grow older it's hard to express yourself. Show emotions to your partner. Life should get easier but childhood habits complicate things.
Always looked up to them and ended up disappointed telling yourself to be better. Do better seeking a role model not another don't be like that life lesson. Open to grow change for the better life is full of lessons Be open to grow and learn.
Only if it was easy to unlearn and relearn these bad habits that have been normal. Always the outsider looking in. Once inside you do your best to survive. Someone is always threatened or sees you as the bad one when they've done worse. Quick to throw you under to cover their ***.

Learning to forgive is hard
Grew up around rude people
Most Never apologized
You apologized never forgiven
Being drained turns to shutting down
The anxiety clouds judgement
Stress makes it hars to focus
Thoughts looping seeking justification
Playing scenarios possible outcomes
Usually another ending occurs
Trying to prepare lighten the blow
Never expect what could be
Aftermath could amount to nothing

He tried to make a miserable person happy
It's a game he didn't want to play anymore
Trying different things and still failing
Eventually he quit and walked away
Not responsible for others happiness
Tired of inconsistent minds changing it up
Tired of being around toxic relationships
It made single life seem more blessed
Quicking wasn't an option walking away got easier
Loving the person and loving yourself Made self love have more meaning

A confession to cleanse the soul
Protecting others taking the bullets
Helping family made out to be the villain
Taking one for the team working hardest
Soon to be a future lead tired of settling
Hated for being a shooting star
Working hard striving in life
His name slandered by friends
Other quick to believe the lies
Staying loyal seen as a threat
Standing tall with moral standards
The social rep ruined by people
Who don't try but expect everything
Spoke the truth it's the right thing to do
Called people on the nonsense

That love was forbidden sweetest sins
One taste isn't enough hunger for more
Craving to be desired loved equally
Seeking the other half to be whole
Without that fix inner peace is disturbed
Life has been tough without controversy
Thoughts of new love hard to find
Too tough to feel anything
Rough times hide emotions
Hard to trust after all the betrayal
Aching to be desired with true love
Find the spark to start the fire
A kiss that takes the pain away
Hugs that makes bad memories fade
Empty inside feeling whole once again

He was a sensitive child
Being told don't cry
Stop being a *****
As he got older it got hard
Hard to express his emotions
Share his feelings with others
His mother laughed at him
The one person he trusted
Opened up to vent for peace
Took away his safe space
She took his joy broken trust
Heart shattered by laughter
Mocked his vulnerability
Hard to trust anyone
Let anyone into the closed off heart
Loved Hard to get hate back

Learning to trust again
Hard to trust so many are broken
The girl you like ends up with your friend
A friend wouldn't do that
The girl you love says no to being your gf
A week later end up with another guy
People you love slander your name
All this talk behind your back is cowardly
Honest to their face that's true respect
A true friend will listen be open to your face
Bad mouth over a girl passing through
Secrets are kept in this ear mouth is silent
My secrets told right away
Thought it was safe to share
Not able to vent but write it all out

He was a kind heart with a witty sense of humor
Most didn't get him so he came off as socially awkward
Trying to bless an ego ruins the good deed
Some try to control others by breaking them down
A helping others is a blessing but asking for help is hard
That feeling when a person collect acting like you owe them
Owning you because a favor is needed
Hurt because something serious was seen as a vacation
Seeing good in a person trusting them to find out you're wrong

She won't admit she's wrong
She got caught be held accountable
Trying to slip out flip and place blame
Terrorizing others with her bad behavior
Praying God protects those who did right
He trusted her, She broke his trust
Trying to tell him he's over reacting
Laughing thinking her toxic behavior is cute
That's why no one bothers with you anymore
Playing others in the end you played yourself
People dump their bad vibes on you
Rob your peace because misery needs company
In public everyone sees through your act
That's why you hide run from the truth
All the things you complain about
You did it to yourself making others insecure

The call of the wild
A wild child become a man
Putting others first
Instead of dealing
With problems within
Easier on the outside looking
Once inside wanting out
Writing is an outlet
Old emotions surface by horrible people
You did them a favor
Who act like they are righteous
By your side only for their own gain
Praying for change to be saved
Doing good and bad takes away from you
Praying bad vibes leave your presence

Why do toxic people blame others
They'll ruin someone's happiness
Then justify their wrong doing
Pretending to be a good person
While they are worse made at everyone
Never trying but expecting everything
Quick to point our everyone's flaws
Project their bad behavior on others
Trying to flip the script from terrorizer
Now playing victim more mind games

Family is the heart
Grew up around tough guys
A lifestyle we're uncles served time
Talking about your insecurities
Making everything our to be a joke
Expecting to be taken serious
Years of being made fun of you gain hard skin
As you get older you joke back
They are sensitive and can't take it
Your family less fortunate judged harshly
Seen as the black sheep
Family doesn't agree with fathers partner selection
Every family has dysfunction, but quick to target yours
Love always came with terms and conditions
One minute you're in the citcle
Next minute your out with no say or control
Sometimes they love you feel part of something
If your submissive to their ways
Make you proud to be family
Around that tough love that drains your soul
Other times they slander your name

I'm single I don't need to take on couples problems. Sharing a common area is the worse. I'm not going to argue your mind that is set in old school ways. I could educate, be informative, but it's up to the individual to learn, or process the idea. It could help but it's mostly up to the person what they do with the information.

Some people complain but don't contribute anything
While others pay for everything and never complain
How does a one who relies on another person treat them so bad
Some bs others and have the nerve to get mad
Once you question their logic they start to treat you different
Exclude you because their dictator ways don't work on sharp minded individuals
These bullies are sensitive but act tough especially when they try to manipulate others

Don't let your assumptions hold you back
Sometimes you need to start your own traditions
You can't keep alter yourself to make others happy
Haters will continue to talk about you Some minds are made up why bother
Don't waste your time on the head strong
Always proving one's self worthy
Tired of fighting because playing those games
Push to hard roles switch the bully becomes the victim
Taking the bullies misconduct to keep the peace doesn't stop
Love for others and his people
Being genuine with others
This idea of who you think they are is exposed
Giving the benefit of the doubt once exposed it's a lie
Pretending to be someone they are not is disheartening
But human behavior is twisted heart Broken dealing with those wicked ways

Everyone mad and angry
A month trapped in a room with people
No matter what they do they hold a grudge
Not sure how to make the wrong right
An apology that will not be accepted
Forgiveness for inner peace within
Mistakes were made a friendship lost
Broken trust trying to fix things
Uncomfortable awkward silence became the norm
Friendships ended unforgivable acts
Families divided imposers controlling minds
False narratives spread like fires used as a bias influence

He didn't lime to argue
His heart meant well
Trying to be a better person
He'd rather make things right
Than let things fester up within
His plans ruined by others egos
He didn't expect them to change
But didn't like being told anything
When his feelings were ignored
His emotions made things worse
Denying them to keep the peace
Gave too much feeling burned up disrespected
Open to change not limiting things
Once options are limited more could've been done

Too many hold a grudge or end up mad at one another
Intense awkward silence instead of making things right
One will apologies while the other holds a grudge
Using this as a power struggle to feel superior
Too old to be mad with family
It's easier to forgive than divide up the family
Extra tired why carry that burden the guilt destroys all
I wish people would talk things out
Take time to listen understand instead of being selfish
Everyone likes to criticize others
But can't handle it when placed in the hot seat

Rebuild yourself since you has major surgery
From a big boy to slim embrace the new
Not able to bend dropping anything is embarrassing
Can't lift more than 10 pounds
The fear of getting sick avoiding people
Ready to be back in the crowd
Recover first bounce back from setbacks
Letting the wound heal

He was told be a man get your **** done
Sharp when it came to hustling but dealing with his emotions
Sometimes he wanted to cry but had to work for his money
People were ******* him and expected too much he hated letting people down.
He knew what it was like when people lied to his face gave him a hard time.
He wanted to be better than those who wronged him and did him *****.
Never talked about people behind their back usually to to face
He didn't like people speaking on his behalf. He didn't need representation by someone who didn't help the situation.

He loved his elders but they always made it about themselvesq
Ruining the moment to take credit for things they had no part of
He asked for help they blew him off
They didn't believe in him or his dream
It made him mad he was out to prove them wrong
Too short so he was overlooked
Judged harsh because of his skin tone
Held to another standard
Kept out once he was on the inside
The disappointment to find he wasn't missing anything
Making it hard to get by while others pass through
He'd have to bust his *** to make this happen.
Not being taken serious was disrespectful
Being ignored trying to bring new ideas
Shut down for having an opinion
Pushed out for being different
Not the same anymore determined to make it be more

He wrestled with the struggle
Trying to be a good person
Be a better person others proved his kindness
He smiled when he was angry
Acted like it didn't bother him
Deep down it tortured his being
He wanted to speak up  biting his lip
But would be seen as the mean one
Put his foot down standing tall left alone
On the outside wanting in
Once inside he wanted out
Too many rules that didn't apply to him
They went against him all the time
He didn't want to take on the world
Also not afraid to swing back

He respected his elders
Even though they had no respect for him
His mistake seeing them like an equal
He accepted them flaw and all
He knew his breathe wasn't minty fresh
When she'd talk loud with yuck mouth
Dealing with an annoying laugh
It's not genuine it drowns out the silence
An opinion spoken no one asked
Everything leads to a random story
That makes everyone uncomfortable
He saw good in the wrong people
Disappointed once again proved wrong

Not able to drive feeling depressed
Relying on others is the worse
Years of being free to do whatever
Hate being limited due to the transplant
Not able to lift more than 10 pounds
Dropping stuff ***** not able to bend
Dealing with the worse people
Saw good but proved wrong yet again
Poor judgement once again
Being aided to do laundry
Not on my terms or time
On theirs is the worst waiting around
Something special and important
Not taken serious seen as a vacation
Kindness abused hope being drained
Sleep deprived by snoring and arguing
Rushed when it's your time

Her evil demeanor from nice to awful
Happened in the blink of an eye
Ruining everyone's happiness
Spreading her misery
A bad person justifying everything
Kids forced to grow up due to neglect
Taking credit for their success
She'd rather be young around other men
Squatting for a place out for herself
Smothering older men for shelter
Wild instead responsible for the children
Talking confessions all lies
The trauma and deceit in her eyes
Trying to convince them to believe
Hoping he'd share a secret
So she could make him vulnerable
Prey on his insecurities
No longer feeding into the toxic behavior

you asked for help, and it was hard to do
You're sharing a moment to have it ruined
Not contributing anything to case
The nerve to complain about things
Controlling the mood, making everyone miserable
Taking over the TV talking loud
Not able to sleep, keeping everyone up
No one asked or cares about your opinion
Trying to take credit shoveling the BS heavy
Failed since day one couldn't be alone
Bringing your partner all you do is argue
around a couple with bad habits
stuck with a **** relationship
a squatter trying to control a formal gang banger
how does a person munch on food
Knock out in the middle of eating
hard to sleep with snoring and bad sleep apnea from the terrible roommates
The caretakers from hell
Expected the best dealing with the worst
They aren't going to take care of you
So you take your health in your own hands
when you want to do things, they make it ****
stuck doing their bs agenda because they are bored
it's never in your best interest but their own