Had an idea faced criticism
Stolen ideas getting accepted
Ignored someone else said it now it's liked
Talking loud doesn't mean right
One sided argument doesn't mean anything
Destroying a public image for superiority
Gather in the masses that don't agree
Shares hatred unifies causing conflict

Maybe the tone was a factor
Not able to Open up its all new
Sometimes it's admired
Other times causing divide separation
Some writers are critics
While others just write
The grammar critics reasons to talk
Hard to make friend over time
From friends to stranger
Close friend to distant foes
Get too involved and up kept out
Stay out of it its dumped on your lap
Not the same respecting your differences
Stop trying to change or fix when no one asked

Comparing writing styles
Had a different vibe
A tone more passionate
Always Trying to improve
Sound and be better
Younger didn't know any better
Now older quick to think not act
From heartbroken to heart on reserve
A social butterfly now socially selective
Didn't like change more open new
From wanting to be friends will all
Able to enjoy ones company and music
Loves the creative process becomes real
Feeling and seeing it come to life
Making and recreating a moment

I pray things go back to normal
No more masks able to go out without fear
Of getting infected
Infecting others so much toxic in the world
Other than the virus
Seen more bad than good
Focus on being a better
While there is so much struggle
Families collide over political views
Children at home not able to interact
This country great and free
The people argue for power
Trying to erase and rewrite history
Lost identities struggle to be a whole

Laying on your back starring at the ceiling
Feeling nothing with a blank expression
Not need but feel close to it barely surviving
Hard to move nerves firing with burning pain
Struggle to speak because it's all in the mind

The house on the hill in the middle of no where
You can see it from the highway at night you see the lights from within
A lonely home islolated barely noticed in the distance unless you are looking for it
The loud road cars racing can't be heard on the hill looking up from the street
The house looks down on traffic like a watch tower
The people who live there never seen

Thinking about running
An older body competing
Comparing youth to now
Before was easier
Recovery came quicker
Now a days sleeping wrong
Can lead to great soreness
Can't say anymore better at doing
Didn't like limits pushed through
An internal struggle knowing
Being able to do so without limits
Waking the inner athlete
Pushing through an older mindset
Able to work with around limitations

Owe it to them to be better
Don't want to leave them
Want to give them more
Take risks to better the situation
Grasp opportunity to help them
They always helped when needed
Time to return the favor
Miss the mat room
A place away from home
Coaching softball dealing with talent
Working has lost the spark
Time for change instead of missing
Should be doing living to the fullest
An oath made to lost loved one
Doing things to the full potential

Losing a loved one
Makes you want to be better
Honor them by stepping it up
Seen so much been around the block
Keep working hard find purpose
Make it meaningful still at it
Live life to the fullest be more
Overcome setback rise above the hurt
That degree so close yet so far
One class at a time one loan at a time
Missing the mats a white belt
Working towards blue
Missing being on the field coaching
Working with the youth develop
Being a mentor to those who need guidance

Wearing a mask
Staying away from all
Alone writing feeling safe
More risks insanity in public

New year focused on being better
Got close but never broke through
Pushed back made waves
Dealt with the backlash
Usually sit in silence and mindful
Doing things that need to be done
Most try to guilt or tell you your wrong
They'd rather watch you help than succeed
Willing to help but they'll bail on you
Got use to being alone
Enjoying ones company

Music in these ears
Emotions from the pen
Feelings bleeding out
Inking it all in
Drawing to emotions
Walking down the isle
To theme music
Fans cheering or booing
A fan living the dream
Never thought it would happen
Working for this dream
Only one who seems to believe

A year of insanity things might
Go back to normal not so much crazy
Less pressure tired of feeling divided
On the outside looking in
Not stressing social structure
All this talk causing frustration
Being told its wrong so much fuss
Taken into consideration
Now someone else is doing it

Put on gloves did some rounds
Put on mitts did some more
Trying to remember it all came back
After a while the passion within woke up
Technique and form bounced back
The combo count hands placement on mitts
Don't care for macho ego or favoritism
Got tired of the back seat on the back burner

Trying to fill those pages pages not sure how to feel or what to write. New year new day to wake up write do it better at night with music playing. Should be sleeping up late with these raw emotions learning to deal with these feelings that don't always make sense.

This year has been tough trying to show emotion but when you protect your heart people think you don't care. Years of being ignored or talking to people who show no interest in what you are saying. Its okay to be alone and figure out what yo I want.
Losing loved ones makes you appreciate life and those that care and take interest in your life.
Social circles shrink and getting stuck in a routine work and home. Thankful to be working since many aren't. The world has showed its dark side so many beliefs that would do anything to be hear to make a point. Trying not to lose faith and walk with grace giving it all to God.

Saying good bye is hard
Especially when you're not ready
You are tired Id like more time
One more day to share a laugh
Make a moment I've grown
Learned so much taking your advice
Work hard and take the initiative
You served your country and a hero
Thank you for serving our family
Your moral code and ethics will live on
Still in denial cant believe you're gone

Watching movies with family
It has memorable moments
Some are good other times bad
Spending time together
Life is short no need to settle
Feeling bad and feeling nothing
Protecting yourself mostly family
Neglecting yourself trying to bond
Having fun with life over bad habits
Missing people consumed by loneliness
Around complicated people
Said to never be like that
Knowing ones self not what others think
Mind everywhere thinking about work
Pops company got bought out
Brought in their own people
Family going through change
Hurting from the loss
Dk how to cope or how to feel
From love to struggling hollow empty inside

Not one to complain
Made the most of life
Seeing good in others
Holding back the ego
Minding this mouth
Dreams that are near
Writing takes away fear
Time alone to recharge
Coping with the hurt
Rise above these tough times

Still can't believe you're gone
Sad to see you go outta my life
Remembering all the things
You gave words of wisdom
I'm honored you taught me
Applying these life lessons to mine
Seeing things in me others don't
Believed in me and gave me hope
When I don't believe in myself
Trying to honor you by being better

Still writing scared to be alone
A people person not always favored
Still pursuing a dream short lived
Over being side tracks constantly
The detours feeling close but farther away
Use to be annoyed by missing it now
Onto better but stuck on the same old
Trying to achieve the American dream
Some have lived it happy for them
Others struggle pursuing opportunity
Learning to forgive to move on
Find inner peace within this thick skin
Somethings are hard to forget
Can't change the past live in the moment
The future has yet to happen

He had a big heart for life
A passionate soul warming smile
Still caring for others feelings
Even if they did him *****
He meant well no hidden agenda
When things went wrong
A loving heart beautiful soul
Forgiving still kept out
Not forgiven by others
Made mistakes multiple flaws
Most of all not able to forgive himself

Always protecting people
Who don't like you
Betrayed left hanging
Did favors looked out
My fault for having expectations
Being open to all the wrong people
Dropped once something better comes along
Been writing for years
Learning to express without holding back
Not trying to hurt others
Been getting hurt for years
Minding this mouth don't like drama
Taking criticism should've been firing back
Straight up to their face always behind my back

Use worry what other people though
Dressed nice people assume
Seen as gay for taking care of yourself
Called people on the lies
You're the **** face for the truth
Working out the scale causing stress
Some days clothes fit loose other tight
Body image can't get it right
One way in your head
Others telling you that ain't right
Worried about being enough
Some times too much
Depends on the person
Educated told you think
You're better than everyone
Dumbing ones self down for year
Scared of being alone
Spending more time isolated
The inspiring one who ends up hated
Not trying to be a threat for being bold
Become a target for the insecure

She always told him
Pursue your dreams
He didn't always
Believe in himself
He got distracted by work
He never got hired
Didn't want to give up
On his dreams still writing
They met at the community college
They were accepting of one another
She was his friend
Sad when she moved away
She'd come visit him
They hung out caught up

Trying to relate
On the outside looking in
Understand others
Too much shame
Coping With pain
No one seems to care
Take your thoughts
Looking out being
Hate being ignored rejected
Repeating myself is annoying
Take your feelings smashing them
Not taken serious disrespected
Not take into consideration
Heart been through the grinder

A long week await
Trying not to hate
Be alone on the go
Another strive to be alive
Feeling dead on the inside
Mentally overwhelmed
Physically burned out taking it slow
Looked into those scare for you
Said I was sorry and loved you
Who knew it would be the last time
Hiding the pain holding back the tears
It plays in the back of my head
See it before my eyes not the best memory
But the last you had so much life to live
You're my only grandpa didn't want to let go
Not ready to say good bye
You gave me strength when I was weak
Believe in me when I didn't believe in myself