Coming to terms
Not that person
About that life anymore
Wasn't meant to be
There's no going back
Gone much further
In other places
Started over found new
Developed new skills
Life experiences with gains
Lessons learned gathered
full of encounters social interaction
Open to grow observation and listen

Learning to focus on these needs
On this dream that strayed away
Feared failing and rejection
Stopped trying holding back
So close to a degree
A few more credits
Scared it won't be used
Have to work to pay bills
Never a consistent schedule
Lacking discipline with life decisions
Need to find balance for education
Hate being broke financial
Make time for health mostly diet
Always starting stuff
But struggle to finish
Would rather be prepared
Than fail struggle to get by

At that cross roads
Always helping others
Not sure how to help myself
Or where to start with things
A list of started things
That need to be finished
Putting others first helping
Before your own personal needs
Start doing things seen as selfish
Hard to be well rounded
It feels like it's crumbling
About to collapse hard
Come crashing down
Losing sleep wise awake
Eating too much or not enough
Fit to fat so much change going on
Something wrong within
Not feeling right on edge at ease

Watching a highlights
Always technical with form
Execute precision staying calm
Applying what's learned during class
Be able replicate in a match
Inspired by others focused on training
Sore from it all being slammed
Bruises and tweeks from submissions
Trying to hang now the same person
An older body where it all caught up
From loving pain to feeling it all the time

Took some time to figure it out
Being put in an awkward situation
Felt out of place didn't want to be there
Didn't do anything wrong but felt watched
Parking in a neighborhood because of work
Seen as a trespassing so much tension
Just there for the day but out of place
Left and watched prefer to stay away
Not go there or be around dk anyone
Or don't want to know anyone
The day felt long shaky inside
Like something might go wrong
On edge no pretending anymore
Life got real and intense to handle

Always judged before hand
Someone hears a rumor
Bad talk from someone else
Sad that it sticks most of these lies
Very open to people and accepting
But once they start talking smack
Thats where the line is drawn
Not one to get mad or even
Prefer to be alone and not bother
Got better things to be doing
Than clear up nonsense with the clueless
Post photos with nieces and nephews
All of a sudden seen a a father
Post things that bring a smile
Spoke up seen as ignorant or ghetto
Treated different for having an opinion
These are everyday obstacles
Struggles that occurred regularly
Seen as gay of having manners and expression
Took pride in this appearance seen as feminine
Long eyelashes soft features called pretty
Judged for everything even breathing
Being myself is easy that's all that's known
Being what others say is unsettling
Or make you out to be some your not is hard