you played me gently
your tender spanish guitar
******* at my nylon strings.
rocking my body
i sing our melody
your soul echoes through me
as i become your extended body
you caress my neck
                                stroking
                                           pressing
                                                       holding
my essences with tender love and care
the fiber of my heart string pull
as you rip me open
you pluck hard
as each fiber loosens
ripping the strings apart
i bleed this black blood
tainted with the smog
you infected me
you play with distortion
clashing echos as you squeeze me
smashed my body
And the music stops.
i lay in pieces
finding nothing in peace

At morn—at noon—at twilight dim—
Maria! thou hast heard my hymn!
In joy and wo—in good and ill—
Mother of God, be with me still!
When the Hours flew brightly by,
And not a cloud obscured the sky,
My soul, lest it should truant be,
Thy grace did guide to thine and thee
Now, when storms of Fate o’ercast
Darkly my Present and my Past,
Let my future radiant shine
With sweet hopes of thee and thine!

i can't really write about the way
your skin feels against mine
or how i feel when you look at me
because i haven't experienced them yet

i can't really write about how
your lips slowly curve into
your signature smirk
because i haven't gotten to see it in person

i can't really write about when
your blue-green eyes
flicker in the lights
because i haven't seen them do it

but i can write about how
it makes my heart pump twice as fast
and makes my cheeks turn pink
when i get to hear you say my name.
or how repeating "its okay" in your voice
keeps me up longer some nights
because it seems to sound so real in my mind,
or how it made me feel sleepy and cuddly when i heard you say i love you for the first time
as if you were there with me in that moment,
arms around me.



there are a lot of things i cannot write about;
i cannot write about what most people can -
but that's okay
because their truths are different from mine

instead of putting together bits and pieces of things i have read
and making my own version of you in my little world,
i will write about you
from what i know about you
and not what i think i may know.
i will write about how you make me feel
despite the distance

i want to experience you
(more)
i love you