I was listening to The Decemberists- The Engine Driver when I couldn't help but write this down
NOTE: This is not the actual ending to the song.. Just a spin on it that I was compelled to jot down.



And I am a writer,
Writer of fictions
I am the heart that you call home
And I've written pages upon pages
Trying to rid you from my bones
My bones
My bones


But my bones turn to paper
And all I end up doing
Is scratching you deeper
Deeper into the pillars
That pillars that support my soul
My soul
I've written so many pages
That my bones turned to paper
As if you were to ever support my soul
But I spose that's one thing about paper
It don't support much of anything
I let you crumple me
I turned you to paper
Guess my master plan to rid you from my bones
Backfired a little
For now I'm stuck in a crumpled heap
A crumpled heap
Because that ****** paper
Couldn't ever make me whole
Me whole

An elaborate disguise
And the wink of an eye
A whip to be cracked
Some groceries to be stacked

I'll do your bidding
And laugh when you're kidding
I'll be there when you need
Off me you can feed

Please don't hide from me
You can trust me you'll see
I will trust in your guidance
For you encompass my requirements

I have limits like most
As do you, you boast
We're a perfect match my darling
Even in the morning whenst starts the gargling

What if I fell in love
With a broken down *******
Not because I needed to fix him
But simply because I wanted to revel in his beauty
The maddening craziness
Of a life
A life that didn't need to be maintained with perfection
A life where you could just knock down pillars that you didn't need
Destroy friendships that weren't beneficial
A life where one could disown one's own mother
Without the whole neighbourhood offering their tut-tuts
And their 5 cents too many
About how to trim your garden
What if I fell in love with a life
Who let their weeds grow
And created a garden out of thorns
A **** patch that would make those neighbours shriek
What if I fell in love with chaos and disorder
Not to right the tables
Nor to order the shelves
What if I didn't attempt to prune the garden
But I let it grow into a forest
And then laughed when I stepped on a thorn
What if I let the sun shine through the madness
What if I opened my arms to the destruction
What if you sung me a lullaby out of tune
And I asked you to sing it anyways…

I shouldn't be this clingy
I swear I never was before 
But now if you leave me alone for just a second 
I'll probably fall straight to the floor

I know it's bad to need you like this 
I swear I never would have before 
But now i'm begging you not to leave me
I just can't watch you walk out my door

I'm sorry if I use you to fill the gaps 
I swear I never would have before 
But now I can't cope with being alone
I swear I love you like I would have before 

The only thing that's changed 
Is i'll need you more and more
And i'm sorry if you need your space 
I swear i'm trying like I would have before 

I'm a ******* at heart
Please don't let my madness scare you away
I need you to provide me with control
I swear I'll get better every day

My love for him is just a dying ember 
I swear it's nothing more
I didn't tell you because it doesn't matter 
He won't ever be coming back, i'm sure...

What if I told you 
That I didn't know a thing 
What if I told you 
The birds will always sing 
What if I told you 
It was nothing more than a fling 
What if I told you 
The demons always win
What if I did notice
It was terrible and just not right 
What if I told you 
The *** was not out of sight 
What if I told you 
He never made me *** 
What if I told you 
I'd get off better on your *** 
What if I told you 
He didn't suit my personality 
What if I told you 
That it was against all of my rationality 
What if I told you 
It was a danger to my health 
Why would I do this 
If it wasnt even for myself 
I dont understand a thing 
Including why for him I would sing 
He wasn't really my type 
And yet to him I sold my soul
He had a child at the time
And was kinda way too old 
What if I told you 
That he didn't even care 
What if I told you 
That he left me then and there 
What if I told you
That his BO was really bad 
And yet I still wear his scent 
Everytime i'm sad 
Sometimes I dont shower 
Because my BO still smells like his 
And sometimes I kick myself 
Really hard deep down in the ribs 
It just makes no sense to me at all
Why for him I did fall 
The idea of him was holding me on 
But it definitely wasn't that 
That kept me loving strong 
What if I told you 
Abusive relationships seem to be my thing
What if I told you
I just moved on to a new fling
He makes me happy 
And together we do sing
But yet at 3am when i'm feeling lonely
Your BO still stings my heartbeat only
I just can't wash my t-shirt 
That I was wearing on that night
I keep it deep down hidden 
Way way out of sight 
I just don't understand 
How  it is that a scent so bad 
Can smell as sweet
As sweet ever had

Whence he came a bus driver 
he'd always have somewhere to be. 
Somewhere to go
Whence he came a bus driver 
noone would ever have to know 
He'd never be lost and alone 
Driving down the road 
He once called home 
But alas he is once again there 
Imagining the midnight fair 
His bus got warm 
Whence outside was windy 
His bus was cold 
Her name was Sindy
The street of which they ruled 
King and queen they had ever'one fooled 
He swore he'd never again drive lost 
Down that road that cost
For whence he came a bus driver 
He'd always have somewhere to be 
He wouldnt have time 
To get lost in the rhyme 
Of the king and queen to be 
He loved her so 
But whence she saw his show 
She coughed and ran 
She laughed and span 
And kissed his love to be 
After that day he swore 
He'd never drive the street 
For if he killed another
If he trapped their feet just under 
The wheels on his bus burnt umber 
If they were lost in games 
And his bus slipped on the rain 
Life could not go on 
On their empty lonely street
He knew he'd change another
Possibly **** his lover
Down that empty lonely street
He'd forget about their show 
And nobody would know
Whence he came a bus driver

'always leave them wanting more'
is a dangerous line to spin
especially around someone like me
who is playing this ****** game to win