hat am I doing?
I keep touching my mouth
Remembering where you used to press yours against mine
But my fingers are poisoned with pills I couldn’t tell you about
They burn my skin and wash the sadness away from my body
In ugly currents that blotch my skin and send me red raw
From scratching with those nails you used to hate
But loved when we were *******
I’m so scared I’ll speak to you
I can’t control my hands anymore, they get shakier every day
To the point where I think of you running through my veins
I can’t hold my cup anymore
I wont ruin your life again
If theres one thing I’m good at
Its chasing people away like they were cats on your windowsill
They cry and fight to be let in
But my windows are so locked tight
Cold to touch that no one can look through them
I’ve convinced myself that this is for me
But I’m so sad
How could anyone let themselves think like this on purpose
Unless it was for someone that deserved to wake in the morning
I hope you wake up one day
And you forget my name.

The bitter bruises
That mark my bare flesh

Bring me closer to enlightenment

The harsh words of enemies,
Family, and friends

Bring me closer to enlightenment

The cruel human suffering
And daily acts of violence

Bring me closer to enlightenment

The **** I see on my computer screens
The darkness of our society

Bring me closer to enlightenment

You know what
I don’t need to be that enlightened

I can be an angel but a fallen one,
I can be a champion of the forgotten,
I can be a mayhem of a sinner's life,
I can be a preacher of all ****** souls

I may be one of the most flawed people
You ever crossed paths with,
I may be the most wretched soul,  
Who dared to be with you

I can be a danger of a lonely stranger ,
I can be the humor of a mad man,
I can be a mantra of the lost,
I can be a slave of a circumstance

You may look down on me
Or see me only as a worthless one
You can throw me all your hate
And I will accept it with my arms wide open

I love your depth,
The way I am able to see the world in your eyes,
I will stand by your side
No matter how hard you push me away

But you must understand that
I am an honest sinner
When I say 'I'll stand by you'
I mean it,  for good

That is all I can do for you,
To be with you all the time,  Even when you feel the darkest one
I am always here and will never leave

The fallen will never let you fall by your own,
A mad man will always be drunk in love,
A mayhem will always try to fix you by all means
And a lover will love you with everything he has and will ever have.

There is no misery
Quite like black coffee
Raised on the sugared ****
Of North America
A lack of sucrose
Indicates a failure of your lifestyle

Never mind the diabetes
And wasting diseases
That come later

We are new, now, blank
A flat white lying prone
Waiting on the fat black footprint
Or haphazard dog defecation
To sully our facade
We'll pretend we earned it

Just as long as you pass that sugar.

If this is love,
Love is not enough.

I want to love you
But your skin is too tough
But if this is all love is,
Love is not enough.

I want more for you.
You've been knocked-down before,
I'm willing to pick you,
Right up off the floor

You won't let me in,
and you won't let me out
We have a connection
You might be better without

Because love may not exist,
But if you don't let love in
If you continue to resist,
You won't let it begin.

And we will both waste our years
Wondering
Why love felt so similar to fear

Why do we feign such rapturous delight,
in pretence to others that all is alright,
what if the soul is quietly suppressed,
cloaked in darkness, hidden and repressed,

Are we ashamed to drape the veil,
to retreat into darkness and embrace the pale,
truth can be found from deep in a frown,
so why wear the clothes and tears of a clown.

© H V Swan