everything you told me
why did it sound so beautiful
when the way you moved
looked so ******* ugly

my senses can't be failing me.
i believe you now when you show me who you are.

I HATE IT!!!!
How my emotions can now get the best of me.
All it takes is one sad show, one sad movie, one sad:
story,
book,
life tale,
song,
I don’t even need some sad trigger and I am at the beginning again  standing at a shore that looks into a vast sea.
An: angry,
sad,
depressed,
dying and in agony ocean with each fish holding some sort of painful memory.  No this sea is not calm.
Each time I think I am getting better, WRONG, I am just a ticking time bomb.
Yep, that is right I just EXPLODE, BOOM!
Do you want to know what it feels like?
Well guess what, I will tell you anyway:
you are decaying from the inside out,
your heart feels like it is on fire and melting onto your rib cage, dripping on each and every other *****,
your brain thinking so many things at such an accelerated rate you can hardly make it out but at same time it is thinking nothing,
you are in so much pain you can not even shout, even harder to type these words down, I probably sound like a clown.
Tears? FORGET IT, you ran out of those long ago.
I always tell myself:
there are people who have had it worst than I, it is true I can not deny.
Look at me though, this is PITIFUL.
I envy:
those who cut themselves,
or try to commit suicide.  
They get help, they can not hide.
It is funnier because if you saw me on a street this is not what you would see.
I would be as happy as a bumblebee.

In the glaring light,
The child holds out his blank palm
For the coins, his bread.

the nodding snowdrops cannot compete
with the ornamental grass swaying in the wind.
The pathway to the pond is unsteady
its wet ground giving way,
no room for the artist to paint.
The threatened rain has not arrived
whilst  the camelias gives a sad hue
of what should have been