ilias

ilias Jul 2022

endings

i run my fingers
through the many shades
of my life
and find a thousand
******-up memories of mine
so i take a gun
and shoot them down;
i **** my brain

one cell by one

ilias Jun 2022

i shall learn

i shall learn to live through
the agony of summer,
through my wish to die;
but never do i feel whole,
mom i want to hide

for sure i will never know
how to cope with the pressure
of staying alive

ilias Jun 2022

psych ward

I wanted to turn off my body
as if I were a light switch;
between
razor blades, books and sick people,
I stood there, unable to feel myself
and didn't understand that my behaviour should be the easiest to influence.

it feels impossible to change.

ilias Jun 2022

lakeside

here I am
dwelling in solitude
with the moon
by my side

i feel quite lonely. but it’s okay because I’m no good

#solitude #lonely

ilias May 2022

happy summers

these are vivid memories
from many moons ago
when neither depression nor
anxiety held me hostage

it has just been us two
little summertime sadness,
rather endless gratitude (for you)

like dead fish we
floated on the riverˋs surface
and it felt like magic

you made me feel as light as a bird
and i miss it

i miss us.