I haven't felt so alive in a long time, it's like this summer wasn't  planned to be one for the record books.
It's like I've finally found my Alaska, but if you asked me if she'll stay I couldn't tell you.
Is she perfect?
Hell yeah, that's for **** sure
She's had that same wave length vibe as soon as she stepped through the door.
I try to cherish every moment because I know this will eventually end and I just want to hold onto it.

I want to sit in this seat for a moment so that I can enjoy your laughter for a little while longer.  
I want to continue to discover new music, want to expand upon what I know so my ears and heart grow stronger.
I want to feel this and reel it in for just a second longer, these dream draws me in and makes my heart grow fonder.
Please wake me up now, I can't handle this sensation any longer.

You and i are on the same wave length and for me it's exciting.
You showed up at random like an empty storm, you were the lightning.
Loud, stunning, you spoke with wit, your words were cunning, and those eyes were  so stunning.  
To describe you much further would be much more difficult.
You've got something special, I can definitely see it.
It's a shame that world's can't align right now because we'd be divine, you know I mean it.
Someone wake me up now, this dream I've been in before, I've seen it.

I've clearly lost it now, my mind that is, to see a moment that's never happened and speak upon it in my dreams.
The dreams drive me crazy, they drive me to the brink, they drive me mad sometimes or was that my last drink?
But eventually at night the dreams I'm in never come to life and all I'll ever be is just a conversation to you, a distant memory, a wondering twilight.
Someone wake me up please, someone get me off this crazy thing.

Can you fall in love with the way someone rolls their eyes?
Every time she does it gives me butterflies.
I'll take any moment of feeling normal where I can get it, you've given me life.
But the dreams the come to and end, the moments where we both transcend.
It's coming to a close now but not like the ones before you.
Hard and fast, that's how this moment ends
Hard and fast, like how my heart beats and head spins...
Hard and fast, please don't go, this needs to last.

The final moment ends up lasting for a lifetime.
The final moment ends up being the perfect moment.
When you find something that's perfect you should always hold on to it, I'll put this ending on a shelf inside my heart.
If I ever forget this I know you'll surely slap me and if you want to know how I feel say "I've got a question I need to ask ya..."
I'll simply look back and say,
"You know how I feel, it hasn't changed, you're it, you're my Alaska."

I tried to drown inside a bottle one time.
I tried to drink myself into oblivion to remove every bit of your love from me.
I tried to drown myself, drown myself deep beneath the ways of fermented corn and wheat.
I tried to drown myself, tried to fill my lungs from bottom to top like the bartenders who would fill my cup.
I needed to drown.

I tried to **** myself with speed that was fueled by all of my anger.
I tried to **** myself with speed by mashing my foot down farther and farther you see.
I tried to **** myself with speed as I raced across the bridge that seemed to float over the sea,full of all that fermented wheat and corn that I through down my esophagus to try and drown away my heart and mind.  
I needed to flee behind that wheel you see.

I tried to bury myself alive in what I thought would take my mind away from you.
I tried to bury myself alive in work and school and pointless endeavors.
I tried to bury myself alive so much that I finally almost got what I didn't want, self suffocation to shut my mind off.
I tried to bury myself alive, tried to choke myself off and turn this mind to the opposite of on.
I needed to suffocate.

I tried to burn away your memory with memories of others.
I tried to strike your memory from off my mind with empty relationships and moments of euphoria.
I tried so hard to pull you from my mind and heart, God did I try.
I tried to end my suffering and destroy my internal engine.
I tried to rip my heart out and stomp on it until it stopped pumping and thumping blood through every stricken vein.
I needed to die.

I tried to **** myself you see.
I tried to destroy everything that you made me to be.
I tried to get all of you out in the worst ways possible.
I tried to go down in what only seemed to be today's modern blaze of glory.
I tried to fall through the bottom of the pit that once was my life.
I tried to press fast forward so that I could quickly get to the end and not let time heal me.
I tried to press fast forward and accelerate the fall.
I needed to fall.

What I felt like I needed only turned into moments of life that I look back on and thank god that they didn't work.
What I did not realize in all those dark moments was that I was setting myself up for my next part.
I was beginning a new role, planning my restart.
I tried and tried and tried so hard to wreck who I was and go further to the dark side.
I eventually crawled my way out of that pit.
I climbed so high, fell a few times but found my way out of it.
I needed to fall.

What once was will never be again and if I could go back I wouldn't stop that downward spin.
I wouldn't reach down to grab myself, to give a hand of help that I felt no one was giving me, I was blind to those who tried because all I wanted to feel was the pain.
I wouldn't go back to change how it started, wouldn't try to fight myself, wouldn't try to fan the flame that had departed.
I wouldn't go back to the start you see because if I would've then I wouldn't be me.

I needed to drown.
I needed to flee behind that wheel.
I needed to suffocate.
I needed to die.
I needed to fall.
I needed to find myself through all the thorns and barbed twine.
I needed to fall.
I needed to stop pressing fast forward.
I needed to restart.

Cruising through the pale yellow lights on this Florida drive.
The trip to Jupiter was not nearly as far out as one would think, I tip my head back to finish my drink.
One light
Two lights
Three, now four

The bumpy road makes me a weary traveler, I want to be behind the wheel, in control.
The white lines pass by faster than one could blink, I tip my head back to finish my drink.
One tree
Two trees
Three, now four

Pale yellow as my heart stays mellow for another mile so far from home.
I'm so close to being back for what will feel like a breather.
One breath
Two breaths
Three, now four

The valley of my heart is not empty, it's more full than it has been in a while.
We curve and twist around a river much smaller than the Nile, maybe that's not a river at all and it's the ocean that at this moment looks small.
One wave
Two waves
Three, now four

The trumpets sound as my eyes grow tired, my head sinking towards the ground.
Stay up, you might as well a voice says to me, my heart slows to show that sleep is near me.
One beat
Two beats
Three, now four

The glow to my face, I should put it down, disconnect so my body can rest on low.
The glow of the headlights show no signs of slowing down.
The snare shot of an angry melody keeps my eyes barely open.
The blinks are slowing,
One blink
Two blinks
Three,
....now four....
Four
Fou
Fo
F
Sleep tight

This room is full of too much, it's loaded with boxes but the clutter is not what is getting to me, making it so hard to breathe.
This room is full of too many things, it's loaded down with the past that's choking me  and the distant memories.
I love coming home but not back to this, it reaches into my heart and pulls out suppressed blooms and faded bliss.
I love coming home but not to this room, if I'm in here for long I'll succumb to the gloom.

This room is too noisy, please be quiet.  
I can't stand to stand in here,
I should get what I need and get going, get clear.
Was that your laughter echoing through these barren walls?
No, stop it, deep breath in and let it go, I've only got deep scars from your claws.
Too many good memories here to out weigh the silence of me sitting on the edge of the bed....crying....deeply breathing.
Too many drunk nights spent sitting here wondering, was I truly wondering or was I trapped in another nightmare.

This room is too cloudy.
It's filled full of smoke from the wicks of the candles I spent hours burning to barely light up this room.
The dim, bleak light of the candles would flow across the scattered posters upon my ceiling and walls then bounce around the corners and end up down the empty hall.
Inhale, exhale, more smoke arises to mask any and all blurred thoughts spreading from my mouth.
Inhale the scent of a once fruitful love, exhale out the pain for the tears I've never shed.

This room is a distant stranger now and that's fine by me because I'm clear of the danger, my mind is a different level above that sea.
There was a bomb blast that cast the dust that lays about this room so still like a deserted car.
The blast ruined every bit of what we knew would never last.
I wish I could've shielded myself better, it would've saved me the time of writing you those letters.

I finally saw you though, it's been so long, about two years.
I saw you and a thought inside my clicked.
The thought that you weren't what I needed, I'm glad you went away, that you conceded.
That room of mine has some hidden treasures, some hidden paintings, books bound with leather.
That room of mine still sits so full,
I'll end this letter now,
I'll put down this tool.

The sights I view up so high are majorly blissful.
There is a lake gleaming in the distance.
It gets swallowed up by clouds, a blanket of soft white giants.
If you were to ask me where earth stopped and heaven began I don't think I could tell you.
Forest had it right by noticing that and I'm glad I see it too.
Maybe we're just all right here for a reason.
We're here to witness this, the art that God made to show us to believe in.
You've made me feel wild within my heart, I want to explore more, want to witness your art.
I just want to stay awake for this because I know often times I blink and there's parts of life that I've missed.
I don't want to miss, I don't want to miss anymore.
I want to feel more alive than ever, towards that August Saturday feeling I strive.
I'm just running on and on at this point because I'm headed back towards everything I've always written about, love, God, your face, and how I'm changing, clearing out the doubt.
This time is different for me, this view has brought an anxiety-less moment in a life full of hidden panic.
The anxiety is often what has gotten me to where I need to be, to get me off my *** so that I can make a life for me.
The anxiety that keeps me up at night, the anxiety that has filled me with an extreme amount of fright.
I breathe in and breathe out, peaking at god's face and remembering what it's all about.
It's about finding myself so that I can push further.
Finding my self and getting on with life with full fervor.
I love being up so high,
I love it so,
I love it so when my mind touches the sky.

This time the burn was too much to bare, I could not keep my mind off of it thinking life is not fair.
This time, as I breathe deeply, the burn ripped the flesh away, a third degree that took my skin, it took it all and did not repay.
This time was the tipping point, I felt it deep in my heart like a cold day ache in my joint.
The summit had been reached, the height of negativity, how did this moment have such longevity?

You could've burned me worse years ago when we first met, at least the damage would be done and there would be no regret.
I probably wouldn't have felt it, I've been devoid of these emotions.
I wouldn't have let it get to me, not even for a second so why it happened now is a true mystery, my hearts pain truly beckoned.
It created a rip in time that slowed life down, things drew on forever.
That second felt like a minute, my heart was a little bit in it.

That second felt longer than I would've ever intended it to be, it brought about some clarity, as I wiped my eyes to clearly see.
I've always wondered how time could be so relative, to let it get to my heart to create a spark, this time it was imperative.
I needed to feel this, have it push me over the edge, to have it hit me harder than a sledge.
This was the wake up call I've been missing, the memories will fade of you just like the passion of your kissing.

I've awakened from the pain, it's gone now it is slain.
Another lesson learned to not trust others who come and go in your life after you've been burned.
Get out of here with that nonsense, I don't need you and this won't weigh heavy on my conscience.
I'm going to let this go but still take note, I won't forget the feeling, all the lies that you spoke...I hope that you choke.

Needless to say I'm angry, these words spill out of me with no filter.
I will haunt with the words eventually, if I don't stop my mind and heart will end up as the next casualty.
I'm glad this will be going away shortly, that second seemed to last forever.
Tick goes the second, just the tick not the tock, not the multiple bits of time ringing from the clock.
Just the tick, that's enough time wasted, enough time being devastated.

Tick it goes and my heart stays beating slow.
Tick it sings and I turn the lights low.
Tick it rings and then it leaves.
Tick it goes and I still breathe.