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Sep 2019 · 87
black dove.
kaela Sep 2019
if i could turn off the switch labeled "love",
i'd turn into a black dove.
with feathers of black,
and a heart of stone.
just sitting up on the power lines all alone.

that's all i feel.
i hope that this isn't real.
that it was just a delusion
and this is not the final conclusion.

can we go back and read it again,
or maybe find a different end?
cause i don't like the one you chose,
but maybe you do, i suppose?

or maybe you don't,
and you're just lying.
because, you see my friend, i want to keep trying.

no one likes a liar.
nor what they're hiding.
so please tell the truth
and say this isn't the one you're deciding.

if you want a different ending
please change the signals you're sending.
because i will keep on fighting,
and this poetry i will keep writing.

it may be about you
but if not, it's still true.
and the feelings inside me,
hopefully,
are the ones that set you free.

because from what i can tell,
you are under a spell;
and i don't have the answer,
but whatever it is,
it's spreading like a cancer.

change the signals on the power lines
because those aren't the ones i like at all,
please, because if not,
it's from the power lines that i fall.

and i'll hit the ground,
and my body will ache.
because the choice you made,
might not be the one you were supposed to make.
Sep 2019 · 74
homeless
kaela Sep 2019
wish it was easy,
moving on that is,
because now i've lost my home
and that's a feeling only you can give.

you are my home,
i've said it all before.
you were my home,
but you are no more.

you still care
and that's what hurts the most.
cause i can't leave
and bring this to a close.

what happened in the past,
that's my fault i'll admit.
and i never apologized
for giving you all that ****.

you gave up on me
that's what it feels like.
you keep moving forward
and i'm being left behind.

you still claim to love me
i wish it was a lie.
i'm ignored when around you
and i'm not sure what to do.
Sep 2019 · 110
maybe
kaela Sep 2019
maybe if i wasn't so stupid,
maybe if i wasn't so blind,
maybe if i went back in time
and finally made up my mind...

maybe it wouldn't be like this,
because now I'm surrounded by what if's.
maybe it could have happened if i told you first,
that i was head over heels.
maybe, just maybe, i wouldn't have to find
out how this heartbreak feels.

but there's not enough time in the day
to tell you everything i'd say
in every possible way
if i had the chance.

even though i can not,
i will still take a shot
and try my best.

i'd tell you that i love you
and hope that it was enough.
and even if it wasn't
i'd pretend to be strong and tough.

i'd put on a brave face
and tell you that i care.
and remind you for the 1,000th time
that i would always be there.

i'd tell you everything you want to hear,
but the difference between she and i,
is that i would mean it
and i wouldn't leave you asking why.

i would mean everything that i'd have said,
and i wouldn't have this heart full of dread.
nor have these tears of red,
or have the only thought in my head
is that of it being better having me dead.
Sep 2019 · 60
pen-sized hole
kaela Sep 2019
she kissed you
and i want to be mad at her
but I can't because
what she did to you, you did to her.

and now my heart hurts
and I don't know what to do.
because the pen-sized hole in my heart
is because of you.

my heart is bleeding out inside
and there's a tiny pen-sized hole
that I have to hide.

I try to stop it
but it keeps bleeding
and the tears in my eyes
are not receding.

not sure what to do
i want to scream and hit you.
how could you make the mistake
to make my heart hurt and ache?

but after all I still love you
and walking away is the very last thing I will do.
so for now we fix it
and make a deal
because my heart, it hurts
and needs some time to heal.

but until then
I know for sure
that I want to be with you
because with you
i feel secure.
Sep 2019 · 55
What's wrong with me?
kaela Sep 2019
What's wrong with me?
I was fine the other day,
but now my sadness is all in the way.

What's wrong with me?
I have nothing left to say,
I want to be fine
and i want to be okay, but it doesn't seem to work out that way.

What's wrong with me?
Why is it so hard to be happy
when everything in my life is because of me?

What's wrong with me?
Why can't I wake up
and appreciate what's in front of me?
Why am I always wanting more?
What am i missing, why do i feel empty?

Nothing is wrong with me,
not physically,
but it's what you can't see
that is slowly draining the life out of me.

All my happiness gone,
in the blink of an eye;
I have everything anyone could ask for,
so why?

Why am I still sad?
When I have people who love me,
truly;
Why am I still sad,
when I have a person who cares,
a person that has always been there.
Why?
Sep 2019 · 61
the feeling
kaela Sep 2019
there is no denying
that this feeling i have is terrifying
every time i go blank
and
can't seem to think straight.

I am numb
and feel nothing.
will someone please
cut me
hang me
shoot me
break me
or at least make me feel something.

I can't smile,
or laugh,
or even speak.
the strong feelings that I once had
become weaker and seem bleak.

It's like I was someone else,
or a different side of me took over;
the side that likes to over think
and have my mind tell me lies
about myself.

the demons control me.
I don't seem to have a choice.
I want to speak out against them,
but every time it's like I lose my voice.
Sep 2019 · 175
bring me you
kaela Sep 2019
bring me you
when I'm sad and upset
bring me your blue eyes
that i always seem to get
lost in.

bring me that smile
that I never want to erase
from my memory.
bring me you
please don't make me chase.
bring me you
and your unforgettable face.
Sep 2019 · 70
why do you love me?
kaela Sep 2019
why do you love me?
i'm not pretty;
what do you see
that I am too blind to?

I am nothing;
nothing but dirt, ash and broken pieces
sad days and being beaten
down by words that have no meaning.

I am worthless;
no worth and no meaning,
not seeing
what the others see in me
helplessly lost in all of my feelings.

but you see something different
you see me in ways that I can not
I can never
but I can as long as we're together

maybe this time I won't hurt
or get hurt myself.
this time I can be me
I can be the one who everyone sees but me.
Sep 2019 · 63
my home
kaela Sep 2019
you look at me with those blue eyes
and i swear that i melt inside
every time

please don't be in a hurry to leave
stay for a while and sit with me
so i feel less alone

and now my house is no longer my home
because my home is more like a feeling
and it's something that I didn't notice before
but you are the reason

you are my home
because when I'm with you
I don't feel sad and all alone

with you i feel happiness and joy
I haven't felt it in a while so it feels strange
but please don't leave
because my life with you is something that I don't want to change.
Sep 2019 · 81
I'm fixed
kaela Sep 2019
you took a few pieces of my heart
and bit by bit
you put it together again.
you make butterflies appear in my stomach,
and when I'm next to you
my head only spins.

you were the glue and tape that held me together,
but i walked away and broke.
you were there for me through whatever
and I can't thank you enough.

so instead of saying thank you
over and over again.
I decided that I would write you a poem
that goes a little something like this:

I love you
I love everything about you
and that's not going to change.
no matter who, what, when, or where,
I promise you that I am always going to be there.

by your side
in your heart
and holding your hand.
your the only one I want,
the only one I have ever truly had.
Sep 2019 · 211
you
kaela Sep 2019
you
around you,
I can be myself.
I don't have to pretend I'm someone else.
I'm finally happy,
when it's just you and me.

with you i feel complete,
like I finally found the missing piece.
the piece that I could never find myself,
little did I know that I needed your help.

you're the missing half of me,
the half that makes me the best me.
I don't care what they have to say,
I. Love. You. Anyway.
Sep 2019 · 88
drowning
kaela Sep 2019
too much stress and way too many feelings,
crowding up my head and I can't think clearly.
no one knows what's going on,
no one seems to see that something's wrong.

I wish I had someone that could see this,
see everything that happens and see how I'm treated.
but no one can come and see,
what happens and how they treat me.

I can talk and talk about it all day,
but no matter what I say,
nothing ever goes my way.

I seem to be no help at all,
and to make everything worse.
I may seem like I'm small,
but trust me,
I can **** up the universe.

It's happened before,
a year and a half ago to be exact.
but i'm getting more tired and tired,
and it's getting harder and harder to put on the act.
kaela Sep 2019
even though you aren't looking,
they always seem to find you.
at first you don't see much,
but then you notice it's true.

that super special someone,
the one that's meant to be.
that super special someone,
that's who you are to me.
kaela Sep 2019
they say that life isn't fair,
yeah that's the truth.
broken hearts? I've had my share,
but no one compares to you.

I thought that I would be fine,
turns out that I was wrong.
I can't take you off my mind,
like you're the lyrics of my favorite song.

I never thought it would end this way,
but here are all the things I never got to say.

— The End —